Chapter Seventy-Two

Biting air was turning Kaoru's nose, ears, and cheeks red with irritation as they walked along the sidewalk back to Kenshin's apartment. It had been dark outside for hours by that point, and the temperatures had dropped dramatically in the absence of the sun. Once outside of the laboratory, the salamander had decided to return to its dormant form, and the red braid bounced against the shoulders of her puffy coat along with the rest of her hair. She wore no gloves or hat, and clung to his elbow with both hands.

Neither of them spoke, and the trip was quiet and uneventful. A few times, her eyes peeked at him around his shoulder, but whatever was on her mind she kept to herself. When they eventually entered his apartment, her clinginess eased, and she instead appeared slightly uncomfortable and shy. As it was already late, nearly after midnight, he led her to the loft and picked out some clothes for her to wear to bed. The long-sleeved shirt and pants were handed to her with a gentle smile, and she accepted them rather meekly.

"I'm going to go downstairs and clean up. Take your time changing."

The folded clothes were pressed to her chest, and she stared at his knees while nodding. Reluctantly, he left her alone, and his footsteps were light as he descended the loft stairs to head for the bathroom. One last glance from the bottom found that she had not moved from her slightly hunched position, and he worried about what to do.

The bathroom door clicked quietly closed from below, and Kaoru let out a long, shaky breath as she sank down onto the bed. Despite the warmth of Kenshin's apartment, her muscles still trembled, and she was having trouble getting them to stop. Anxiety, accompanied by a nervous jitter she couldn't control, was disrupting any clear thought she might have wanted to have. It was threatening to pull her apart in all different directions, and the unsteady cadence of her heart felt like the ticking time bomb that would serve as the catalyst for her destruction. Biting her lip hard, she curled up and fell onto her side where she tucked her nose into Kenshin's borrowed clothes.

With her eyes closed, her world was submerged unexpectedly in scent. Unsurprisingly, Kenshin's clothes smelled like him, a combination of gentle soap from the wash and burning incense from his body wrapped around her. Even though it was slightly smoky, his natural scent wasn't sharp with heat. Instead, it was a subtle scent, slightly woody, and warm instead of hot. It comforted her. It soothed her. He was where she felt safest. Pieces of her anxiety eased, and her muscles fought to relax. Unfortunately, as her mind cleared, her thoughts became ordered, and tears pressed through her clenched lashes.

He didn't even ask.

Even when she had demanded that they leave, he had agreed without question. He had, of course, promised only the second day they had known each other that if she wanted to leave then they would. All she had to do was extend her pinky finger and he would take her away immediately. Those were the words he had promised, and he had not broken that promise. She could trust him, because he meant what he said. But after they had left the lab… nothing had been said. No question about what had been done or why she was upset. His silence was telling, and her heart wrenched violently with fear and despair.

He didn't ask!

Sobs fought against her throat and chest, but she stifled then almost cruelly. Though the feeling did not disappear, she eventually won over the tears with the simple reminder that he never really took long in the bathroom.

Slipping off the side of the bed so that she was kneeling on the floor, Kaoru stripped herself of her top in exchange for the long-sleeved cotton shirt Kenshin had provided for her to sleep in. The pants were similarly replaced, and she folded her own clothes as neatly as she could manage to lay at the foot of the bed out of the way. Collecting the blanket that he never slept with, Kaoru cocooned herself on the bed and pretended to sleep.

True to his word, Kenshin didn't come back for much longer than would have been usual for him. Tucked fully under the blanket, she listened to his footsteps pause next to the bed. There was no sound to suggest what he was thinking or how he felt, and without a word, and impossibly quieter, he left her alone to unfold the futon.

He didn't ask.

Instant regret and dismay pressed down on her, because she realized that she wanted him to say something. She wanted him to ask. Why didn't he just ask? Or demand? Why didn't he realize she was pretending? And why was he sleeping on the futon? Why wasn't he trying to comfort her? Didn't he know she needed to be comforted? Which she knew was a stupid and unreasonable thing to be upset about when she was the one pretending to sleep like a child hiding from monsters. Which, in turn, only made her feel worse.

The tears worked themselves free, at first against her will, and then like a torrent when she gave up trying to fight it. They were muffled by the blanket and the hands she pressed over her mouth, but they still echoed ugly in her ears. Not long after, gentle hands pealed back the blanket, and she climbed without any urging out of the bed and into his arms. Blindly curling into his chest, she hugged herself tight to his ribcage and bawled into the crevice of his sternum.

Still, he said nothing.

Struggling to breathe around her desperate cries, her fingers fisted in his hair and clothes. Warmly, his arms wrapped around her shoulders and he pressed her close to him. After a few more seconds of her tormented crying, he even settled the side of his nose against the crown of her head, but continued to say nothing. Under the press of her forehead, however, his heart beat fast and hard as a telling sign of his own fraught emotions. Trembling, her mouth opened and she sobbed out the only thing her brain could articulate.

"You didn't ask!"

An inhale shuddered through his lungs, and his arms crushed her against him.

"I'm sorry, Miss Kaoru…" His voice was strained with remorse and pain. "I didn't know how."

The confirmation tore through her, and all of her weight sagged against him.

"You already knew!" More earnest cries and the shirt her face was pressed into steamed with the moisture now soaking it. "I d-didn't want you to know! I didn't…" The words choked and died, and she lost control of her hoarse breathing.

Though he tried to hide it, her admission clearly upset him. It was in the fierce whisper of his tone and the slight shake of his fisted hands against her spine. "Why, Miss Kaoru? Why protect me after what I did?"

Reacting to his emotions, and still battling her own, her voice cracked under her insistence.

"I promised I would. I promised your dad I'd protect you."

It was what she had told herself over and over again. She had failed, and miserably. Everything that had happened could have been prevented, if only she had protected him like she had said she would. But she hadn't. Kaoru hadn't protected him from anything, and she felt nothing but shame each time she remembered that. Over time, though, that failure was simply more convenient to cling to than the fear building behind it.

Kenshin's tensed muscles softened incredulously, and he struck easily at the weakness in her argument.

"You promised that when we were children." The weight of his head lifted from her skull, and his words became clearer. "When you were older and I wasn't able to protect myself. Kaoru…" Fisted fingers unfurled, and one hand cupped the back of her head. "That doesn't make sense anymore. Especially now that we're not just friends. I don't need you to protect me now. I want you to trust me. I want you to tell me the truth. Even if you think it will hurt."

Biting her trembling lip as she listened to his soft, truthful words, her heart sank guiltily.

"I… I did want to protect you. It was all I wanted for a long time." Desperately trying to convince him, and herself, she turned her face to the side and fought for fresh air. "I just…" Clenching her eyes shut to hide from the selfish truth, she hated herself even as she admitted it aloud. "I was so scared. I didn't want you to know, because I didn't want you to look at me differently. I wanted to keep everything the way it was. I was afraid you'd leave… or worse. I was afraid you'd never look at me again." A hiccup jerked her entire body, and she clung to him when he squeezed her tight. "I finally got you to look at me, and it made me so happy. Every time you look at me, it makes everything else feel irrelevant. I don't care about anything else. I don't care what happened back then. You just have to keep looking at me. You have to."

She felt herself unraveling again, and she turned her face back into his sternum. Strong hands gripped her shoulders with mild pressure, and he urged her calmly to sit back from her secure position against his chest. Though reluctant and fearful, she complied, but found that the darkness of his apartment allowed her to see very little of his expression. The still stunted horns sprouting from his hair began to glow, and multiple tiny fires came to life around the length of their circumference. The muted flames highlighted his features intimately, like candlelight between lovers, and his dense violet eyes looked no where else but at her. They were steady and unwavering, the pupils slightly vertical instead of round, and the tears that had so desperately spewed from her body eased under his rapt attention.

Warmly, his fingers cupped her face, and still his gaze remained with barely a blink to interrupt it. Because she could hardly help it, she smiled tremulously, and copied him by reaching for his jaw.

"I understand." Soft but clear, he eased her fears. "I felt the same way. I didn't want to lose you because of something that I didn't want to believe I had done." She leaned into his touch, and he cradled the weight of her skull carefully. "But ignoring it isn't healthy for either of us. I want to talk about it. I don't want to ignore it or allow it to stand between us anymore. I'm not letting go of you."

The assertion was more promise than encouragement, and his thumb scraped gently under her eye to dry the moisture covering her skin. Both of her lips pulled back into her mouth to hide her trembling, and the hands at his jaw came forward to instead curl into the front of his soft shirt.

"But being with you has made me greedy, Miss Kaoru." A teasing smile pulled up one side of his mouth. "I won't be content until you allow me to have all of you." She blushed, and he leaned his forehead against hers. "Which includes everything you've been trying to hide." Brushing back a stray hair that was impeding his vision, he touched his nose to hers. "I want you to rely on me, before anyone else. I promise I will take care of you properly."

Two thick tears dripped from her right eye, and after a few seconds, she nodded in agreement. In halting and low sentences, she filled in all the details from the day of her death while he quietly listened. Though his eyes stayed on her and he didn't once look away, his gaze drooped sadly as she described the moment she had died.

"I'm so sorry, Miss Kaoru." Seated cross-legged now and facing one another, his hands squeezed the fingers he had collected in his grasp. "I… I don't have any memory of you being there."

She smiled, though it was sad.

"I know. It hurt… at first, because it confirmed that you really didn't notice me. But… then I realized that I didn't want you to remember. You've been through so much. I didn't want this to be something else that hurt you."

She broke eye contact first, and a deep breath lifted her chest. When she met his gaze again, her expression was serious.

"I don't hate you. I never hated you. I only wanted to know you, and for you to know me." Dark lashes scrunched together, and her voice shook. "I miss my parents. I miss my dad's laughs and my mom's hugs. I miss training at the crack of dawn, and singing karaoke with my best friend. I miss so much…" More tears slipped down her cheeks, and Kenshin worried about the amount of water she was losing. Wasn't it dangerous for a human to lose too much of their body's water? "But I don't hate you. Please don't ever think that I hated you."

Swallowing over the lump in his throat, Kenshin pulled her back against his chest with a hand around the nape of her neck.

"Was it painful? When I…"

He couldn't finish the sentence, but his question was obvious. Thoughtfully, she shook her head.

"Not really."

"You don't have to lie." There was just a touch of disgust in his tone, but not towards her. Somehow calm now after confessing everything, her voice stayed low and soothing as she reassured him.

"I'm not. It was… cold, which was strange. I could feel the heat from your body, but there was only pressure in my chest. Like ice. I guess, maybe my nerves couldn't register it properly, and I couldn't feel anything but cold and numb." His silence spoke of skepticism, so she quietly admitted something she had glossed over before. "It hurt more that you wouldn't look at me. I wanted so much for you to look at me. But I couldn't speak to ask you to, and I couldn't move to make you. That was painful."

His other hand flattened over her spine and his nose tucked next to her ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Wrapping her arms under his and up against the back of his shoulders, she took a deep breath and relaxed.

"… I know."

"I promise, I'll never make you feel that way again." His voice was fierce and so very intense, but she smiled in closed-eyed delight. She knew she could trust him to mean what he said.

"I know."

X

The song Death had requested this time was moody, almost emo, which Kaoru found amusing as she obligingly put extra effort into matching the tone. Seated on a large rock near the entrance to the park, she still maintained her distance from Death, despite his lack of recent interest in taking her away. Death's Veil was as lifeless as it always was, but the stark contrast of the black and white world that he stood within felt strange to her next to the brightly colored bubble her little fireform had created.

When the song ended, he thanked her, almost politely, which was unlike his usual personality. Without thinking, Kaoru looked up at him in surprise, and his grey irises surrounded by ebony instead of white captured her with ease. It was such a stupid mistake on her part that she raged inside her mind, even as her body stood on its own to walk towards him. Trying to fight, desperate to escape, her limbs stalled just outside of his reach, and Death frowned.

"How are you denying me?"

"NO!"

The shout of outrage came from behind her, and was so unexpected that she would have jumped if her body wasn't frozen by Death's power. Even his grey eyes jerked with a scowl to one side, and she felt his power loosen but not break. The little fireform never spoke, but unless someone else had invaded their space, the word of denial could not have been spoken by anyone else. A tiny hand, with five fingers and baby-soft skin, clutched two of her fingers, and all at once she had full control over her limbs once again. Gasping in a breath and immediately averting her gaze, she glanced down to find something even more shocking than his little, angry voice.

"She's not yours!"

A child stood next to her, of maybe three or four. She could see only the top of his head, but it was covered in hair of dark, fiery red. Though his voice was small like a child, his words were much more advanced than his visual age.

"You can't keep her here forever." Death's voice argued impatiently with the fireform. "She belongs here, but you do not. She must eventually come with me."

"No! You can't have her!"

Bursts of fire encircled the bubble of life the fireform had created, and Death stepped back. An angry grunt preceded his abrupt disappearance. As if forgetting him the moment he left, the little fireform, now in human form, turned back towards the playground and tugged her by the arm.

"Come on! Let's play!"

Overbalanced by his sharp turn, Kaoru stumbled and his hand slipped free. He took off running on ahead of her, and his giggling laughter was infectious and adorable.

"Wait!" Smiling despite the situation she had barely escaped from, Kaoru jogged to catch up. "Kenshin!"

X

Heavy, dark lashes fought leisurely against deep sleep, and Kaoru came back to herself slowly. With the exception of a slight sting at the back of her eyes, her body was warm and completely relaxed. The loft was fully saturated with the soothing scent of Kenshin's pheromones, and she knew instinctively that she was somewhere safe. Blinking, she studied Kenshin's neck and the outline of his collarbones through his shirt. After a few seconds, a smile tugged at her mouth. Kenshin was obviously awake, but he had remained where he was to wait for her.

It was bright inside the apartment, which meant it was already well into the wintertime morning. They had fallen asleep together on the futon after their discussion the night before. Cuddled innocently into the crook of his body, she was more comfortable than she had been in a long time. The sort of comfort that was only felt when finally home. The arm he had wrapped over her back carefully caressed the base of her thick braid, and his lips pressed undemanding, affectionate kisses onto the top of her forehead and crown of her skull. Shamelessly stealing a few more moments, she sighed happily and gave herself away.

"Are you awake, Miss Kaoru?"

Shifting closer into his chest, she unabashedly denied him.

"No."

Quiet chuckles rumbled his chest, and another kiss was left at the part in her hairline. His legs adjusted to hook around the back hers and pull her in closer, and she hummed in contentment.

"That's too bad. I was going to make your favorite breakfast."

Her stomach clenched eagerly, and she pursed her lips.

"You can't do both?"

Incredulous laughter said he found her silliness amusing. Grinning, she tilted her chin back to look up at him, and he took advantage of their positioning to steal a brief kiss. She sighed again, this time in resignation.

"I suppose we'll have to get up eventually."

"Hmm." He agreed without actually articulating a response, and a slight frown creased his forehead. "Your eyes are red." His hand carefully touched her cheek, and his expression morphed into regret. "And kind of puffy."

Kaoru could feel the dry burn around the edges of her eyes that spoke of irritation, no doubt from crying. Chewing her lip, because he looked so adorably concerned, she stretched to kiss him again.

"It's alright. I can bring the swelling down with a cool compress."

"I don't… have anything cold that might help."

She giggled, because he had mistaken her use of ice for sore muscles with what she actually needed for the more delicate area around her eyes. An easy mistake for a fire demon that had no use for ice or anything cold.

"Just a rag soaked in cool water will work."

His features brightened, since that was readily available from the tap, and he propped himself up on one elbow.

"That's easy enough. I'll get that for you and then make breakfast."

While Kaoru lay stretched on the floor in the living space with a damp rag draped over her eyes, Kenshin took great care in preparing their morning meal. She complained about just laying there while he did all the work, but he insisted that she stay put until her eyes felt better.

A few minutes after their descent from the loft, the hair charm decided to make a more tentative appearance than what was its usual chaotic energy. It had been left on top of the small book-shelving Kenshin used as a headboard for the bed, and its claws slipped on the slick wood of the loft stairs as it came down. Peeking out from under the wash cloth covering her eyes, she smiled and beckoned the salamander to her. His steps picked up but were still subdued, and he curled between her side and the crook of her arm with a soft huff of released air. His head settled heavily on her collarbone, and she spoke softly to him in reassurance.

When breakfast was ready, Kaoru sat up and adjusted the salamander to sit in her lap while she ate. He still looked dejected, but was happy enough to stay where she put him. Kenshin didn't allow her to help with serving, either, and she waited impatiently while he sat out the dishes on his small table. When her bowl of rice was placed directly in front of her, he leaned down to pat the salamander twice on the head. Its golden eyes glanced up at him, and something unspoken passed between them. Whatever it was, the salamander perked up afterwards.

"Would you like to do some shopping with me today, Miss Kaoru?"

Sapphire eyes darted up from her meal, and both dark brows lifted.

"Don't you have to work today?"

A harmless smile was her answer.

"I think I'll take the day off to spend with you. Tae-san should be fine as long as I find someone to cover my shift."

"Ok." Sitting up a little straighter, Kaoru grinned. "What kind of shopping do you need to do?"

His voice turned suddenly nonchalant to gloss over his plans, and he sat down to pick up his chopsticks.

"There are a few things I don't have that you probably need, and I thought we'd pick you up a couple of days' worth of clothes. We'll need some more food, too."

"I don't need anything, and I can just wear your clothes." Giggling, she lifted one hand straight up into the air, and his long-sleeved shirt puddled at her elbow. When her arm dropped back down, the sleeve flopped and engulfed her fingers. He laughed, and leaned forward to stuff her mouth with the fish he had just picked up.

"While I do like you running around in my clothes, I have no intention of letting you leave this apartment wearing them." She blushed scarlet under his warm gaze, but grinned impishly while chewing. "And I don't really have anything you can use for… undergarments." It was blatantly apparent that he was uncomfortable with the topic, but since she had forced him to say it aloud, he had.

"Oh… I guess you're right."

Abashed, she pursed her lips and picked up her rice bowl. Inhaling deeply, Kenshin did the same, and muttered under his breath.

"If you're always in my clothes, I'll never want to leave the apartment."

"Huh?"

Forcing a quick smile, Kenshin shook his head.

"Nothing."

X

A/N: The beginning of this chapter was a little rough, so I tried to make sure the latter half was sweet and warm to set the tone for their relationship going forward. There's so much stuff that needs to happen within the next few chapters, I hope I can set it up appropriately. I hate that I missed my post day, but I didn't get a single second to myself last week. This selling a house business is for the birds. I am way past done, and we're still in the getting offers phase. Yuck. Anyway, I won't vent too much. I love where we are in the story right now. I hope everyone that is here for the love made it safely through the last few chapters, and are ready for the mush going forward, lol. Next chapter, Kenshin and Kaoru spend some silly moments together shopping, and enjoy the new and stronger stage that their relationship has entered. Happy Independence Day!