Chapter Twelve

I pushed the Memory of the Never-Tree from my mind for what felt like the fiftieth time. It had hit me as hard this time as it had the first, well over an hour ago. When I Saw it each time, I could barely think. Walking and talking were out of the question. I could push it away easily enough, yet when it was in the fore of my mind I was powerless. This process wasn't getting me anywhere. Well, besides giving me a headache twice as bad as before I took that potion.

I gave my head a few seconds after that last pounding. When it was slightly clearer, I said to Silver, "This isn't working. The Memory is as strong as ever. It doesn't lessen, no matter how many times I confront it. Am I doing something wrong?"

"I was afraid of this," she said with a sigh. "Though I did not want to share my fears at the start. I'm sorry. I worried it would only make it that much harder for you. Had you Seen something from our world, it may not be so difficult. But you have Seen something from outside our world. That leaves a mark far harder to be inured. I do not know what more I can do to assist you, little Guardian."

When she called me little Guardian, I heard Glenrhyell's voice. Like a whisper from the past. 'Your heart', she sang, 'You must trust in your heart'. I couldn't see how that would help me this time. Thinking of those I loved only increased my fear. The power the Never-Tree represented wanted to end them all. I knew I hadn't destroyed it, only banished it. Sent it back to where it belonged. I didn't know if it could be truly destroyed. And it was like it had left a minuscule fraction of itself behind, within my mind. It filled me with fear. It whispered to me that if I used those I love to protect myself from it, it could destroy them. I would not be responsible for that. This was my battle to fight. I had made the choice. I would deal with the consequences on my own. I was alone in this. With no other options, I hit myself with the Memory once more.

As always, with the Memory came hatred, a contempt for life. It wanted to end me. Not kill me. Death wasn't enough for its purpose. It wanted me to cease to exist in any form. It wouldn't stop there. It wanted to end everything I knew. To erase existence as we know it. The hatred was too strong, more than anything I could have believed possible. It hated even its own existence in our world. I lasted only a minute, pushing the Memory away before I lost consciousness. I shook my head in disgust at my own weakness.

"You should rest now," Silver said in a gentle tone. "You can try again in the morning, if you wish. You should not exert yourself more this night."

"Okay…" I said, resigned to my failure. I thought of how Cid and Chase had to take care of me after we entered to Enchanted Forest. Would I be that useless tomorrow on our trip home? No. I would not give up so easily. "One more try. Let me give it one more go, then I'll rest."

"Are you sure?" Silver asked. I nodded firmly. "Once more, then. But I must insist you rest afterward."

I nodded, closing my eyes. I did not touch the Memory of the Never-Tree immediately. First, I turned my thoughts inward. To my heart. To what it represented. My love for those I cherish. How could that help me? Other than to bring them down with me. Using them to save myself—even just their memory—wasn't something I was willing to do. That path leads only to more darkness. I don't use those I love. If I gave into my fear to cower behind those I love, I would never be free of it. Yet I wasn't strong enough to do this alone. I heard another voice as I began to drift into despair. A child's cheerful voice, full of optimism. 'Together?', it asked me. Together... A spark of insight caught, burning away my despair.

When Glenrhyell had spoken of hearts, she hadn't been speaking anatomically. She spoke of a nexus of power. For the Never-Tree, it was where its hateful essence had entered our universe. Its power had only one purpose. To enter our world and smother it. She had spoken of my heart as well. My nexus of power… Connections… My thoughts followed that path.

I thought of Gramps. When he returned from a long trip, he would always come find me. Day or night, we would sit for hours to tell each other of our adventures. The good, and the bad. Even when I was little, I would always run to the kitchen to make him a cup of strong black coffee. He would always have a steaming cup of cocoa waiting for me. I could taste the rich, creamy sweetness of it even now. I could hear the sound of his laughter as I told him of my exploits. I could feel his warmth as I hugged him fiercely while he wept for another kid he hadn't been able to save.

I thought of my Mom. How she would scold me when I returned from my most recent misadventure. But she always cooked me my favorite meal afterwards. We would read to one another before bed. Both choosing one of our favorite stories. We would cry together at the tragic tales she loves. We would laugh and cheer together at the adventures and legends that are my favorite stories.

I remembered time spent with Pops in his lab. Collaborating to create something neither of us could alone. Not caring if it was a success or a failure, because we had done it together. Sometimes, I was even happy when an experiment failed. If it did, that meant we could try it again. Pops seemed happy then too. He would always say that we would get it next time, and I always replied, or the time after that. It wasn't success that we cared about. It was the time we shared that was important.

Do I have to do this alone? Do I have to use those I love to shield me from my fear? No, that isn't the only way. The Never-Trees hatred is a focused thing. Its power goes only one way. From its world into ours. My power is different. Filled with potential. Love is not a one way path. It goes both ways, connecting people. I could rely on the strength of those I love, and give my own in return. I wasn't alone. Not as long as I kept their love with me. I felt that emotion fill me, and I reciprocated it. The passion did not diminish as I returned it. Instead, they fed upon each other, growing far stronger than they could ever be separately.

I brought forth the Never-Tree. I flinched, yet I could tell immediately that its power was diminished. Only briefly could it be Seen now, engulfed by the love I carried within me. It wasn't easy. I had to be strong. If not for myself, for those who cared for me. Yet when my strength faltered, I could lean on those who supported me. A warm light, bright as the sun yet soft as the moon, encompassed all, bolstering my strength further. When I opened my eyes, the Never-Tree was no longer the master of my mind. My thoughts were wholly my own once more. For the first time in three years.

"I can See it, but it has no power here any longer," I said, looking to Silver. She gave me a look of pure joy and admiration. How did she do that? She's a bird. She doesn't have a face capable of making such expressions. Was it something in the eyes? I realized I still had the Memory in the fore of my mind. My joy grew knowing that it could no longer hinder me. I let it go, the feeling of love lingering for a moment after. I cherished the feeling, and the knowledge that I had so many people to love, and to love me in return.

"That was very well done, young lady. I knew you had the strength within you all along. I'm glad you were able to find it. You should be proud, Elizabeth."

"I don't know if I would say that. I couldn't have done it alone. And Proud? Mostly, I'm just tired." I said, my shoulders sagging. But I was smiling up at her.

"Yes, its time for rest. You have a long journey ahead of you tomorrow." She flapped her wings once, and the many candles around the room stuttered, then went out. Only one remained to provide dim light. "It was an honor to meet you, Elizabeth. Sleep well. Unfortunately, we will not see each other in the morning. I must leave before you wake. May we meet again, someday."

"I hope so as well," I said as I moved over to the bed. "Thank you, Silver. For everything. I owe you much."

"I did nothing. I should be the one thanking you, for what you did that day. Thank you, Elizabeth." She said, bowing her head. She leapt from the branch and flew out of the room.

I lay down, my head still pounding, but my spirit lighter than it had been in a very, very long time. I thought of the Never-Tree again, flinching at first. Those I love came with it, enfolding me in their warmth. In that embrace, I fell into a dreamless sleep.