Evangelion: You Shall (not) Win This Time
Episode 14: A German Uber Bitch, A Possibly Psychotic Brit, (and) A Cool Guy Double Agent Walk On To An Aircraft Carrier And/Asuka And Mari (burst) Into Canon
(Warning: All intellectual properties belong to their original creators/current copyright holders. EVA to Gainax and Studio Khara, Reality Warpers to Yoshi3000, You get the idea.)
(Opening Theme: "Reverse/Re:Birth" by Hiroaki Iwagana and Asaya Kimijima)
(Generic P.O.V.)
We see Shinji sitting at a bar with the version of Cyclonis from Storm Hawks we've come to know as "Larky" where the two of then are engaged in a conversation.
"Thanks again for meeting me here, Larky. After today, I needed this." says the third child as the former Cyclonian ruler replies "Eh, it's a thing to do. So, what caused your day to suck?"
Shinji answers "Well it's a bit of a long story, so you might wanna get comfy." as Lark answers "We've got 8 hours until last call, I think I can spare some time."
"Alright." responds Shinji before he continues by going "So it all really started with me and my team on our way to the aircraft carrier that most of episode 8 of my show's canon would've taken place. Bishops gave the excuse that all of us were going onboard of it to explore a possible career in the military as part of the apprenticeship program farce we've got going to get the education system off of our backs, but I could see that he wasn't really focused at 100%."
The Cyclonian shinobi ask "So what was wrong?" as Shinji answers "I asked him that, and he told us that we had the right to know. He then explained that after our fight with Mana's old group, he found out about what happened to two of the Reis that went rouge and wandered off after he sent them off to get trained by Mura."
"What happened?" asked Lark as Shinji continued "Well it turns out that they did wind up getting to where they were going: that one world that Ryker Blackthron made at the end of the Tribunal War that he's currently crashing at since his Steven Universe timeline got destroyed...but one of them wound up getting killed almost instantly because she landed in a real bad part of the planet."
"Lemme guess, Vice?" asked Lark as Shinji answered "You know the place?" before she responds "Used to be a version of Elmore from the Amazing World of Gumball, but some majorly bad decisions, including siding with Elvin Frost during the days of the Warper Tribunal, and near everyone of value jumped ship. Nowadays, it's a technical hive for failed Warpers, criminals and people who just gave up."
"Yikes." goes the third child as Lark tries to change the subject by asking "So what about the other one?"
Shinji answers "She's technically alright, but she's also working for Ryker Blackthorn...as a bitch along with his versions of Blue and Yellow Diamond." while the Cyclonian empress responds "Ouch. Well at least she's in good hands."
"Yeah, well my boss didn't take it that well as he said that the Multiverse is gonna drive him to drink as much as I do." replied Shinji before adding "And to add insult to injury, he had gotten a surprise visitor: Pinkamena along with the two Rei clones that she adopted."
Lark goes "Oh dear fucking god, how did he wind up surviving that?" as Shinji answers "You are not gonna believe this, but apparently she didn't come for a fight, only to thank him for giving her a family before she get this, retires from chaos making."
"No fooling?" inquires the Cyclonian Sharingan user as the Warper EVA pilot answers "No fooling." before adding "Well, there might of been some fooling around involved if you catch my drift. Turns out to ensure that she kept her word on retiring, Bishops...took one for the team."
Lark asks in shock and reserve "You mean to tell me that to ensure that one of the most powerful level 9 Warpers in the multiverse kept her word to retire from evil, your boss, a level 10 Warper mind you had sex? With Pinkamena, a Majin/Equestria Girls Human hybrid that has absorbed the abilities of multiple powerful beings, messed with the timestream and has put cursed seals on multiple people for shits and giggles of all people?"
Shinji could simply respond "Like I said, took one for the team. And before you ask, no, the Reis didn't get involved." as Lark replied "I wasn't gonna ask that, but I will ask if those clones are doing alright under her."
"Apparently, they're doing pretty good for themselves, one of them changed their name to Bell and dyed her hair to match Pinkamena's" answered Shinji.
"So, what happened when the others heard about this?" the former ruler of Terra Cyclonia asked as Shinji answered "Well responses were a mixture of pity, pride and shock. Anyway, we had reached our destination, the main aircraft carrier of the UN fleet where surprisingly the admiral was more welcome to seeing us...most likely because Bishops was the one who was supplying the military with Anti A.T. Field weaponry. Bishops gives the guy the whole spiel about us being brought on to study a possible career in the military as part of the whole "apprenticeship program" lie we've kinda got going on, and who shows up into canon but the red haired German uber-bitch."
"So Asuka joined the fray like canon." responded Cyclonis as Shinji adds "And this time, she wasn't alone. You know about the "Rebuild" continuity of our prime timelines?"
Cyclonis answers "I know that it's where your red eyed god mode comes from and it introduced a kinda freaky brunette with glasses." as Shinji continues his story by saying "Yeah, she was there too. Of course things went a bit differently than canon, thankfully Kaji gave Asuka the idea of wearing spandex bike shorts under her sun dress so we didn't get slapped, but she still had to blab about her being "superior than me and Rei" and "pretty much being able to handle the entire fight herself" and all that crap. Meanwhile, I get the psycho brit smelling me because of being forced to come in contact with LCL on a near daily basis."
Lark then interrupts by mentioning "You know I've always wondered what was up with LCL since every time that I check power levels on you guys, you're the closest to Bishops' level among the canon characters." as Shinji answers her inquiry by going "Yeah, turns out that while LCL stops you from aging unless you use Warper's Edit, but it also acts as an unnatural Zenkai booster, hence why the Rei we're using as a double agent and the other two bitches have unusually high power levels without knowing how to utilize them." before continuing his story by going "Anyways, Asuka decides to prattle on about how much better she is than the rest of us until I finally decide that enough was enough and go "Well little Ms. "I'm so high and mighty", you really want to prove your superiority, than prove it. I want you to hit me as hard as you can. Needless to say, she did, and it didn't do shit."
"So did you stoke the fire a bit afterwards?" asked the Cyclonian Sharingan user as the third child answers "Oh hell yes. I thought it'd be funny to goad her a little bit after all the times that other mes have been trolled and harassed by her and go "I don't think you heard me correctly. Lemme repeat myself, I. Want you. To hit me. As hard as you can. She then tries to unload a full barrage of blows on me, including trying to go below the belt, and I would've worn her out too if it wasn't for Misato and Bishops intervening with him going "Alright, kid, you proved your point. Now give the redhead a rest." Misato would've said something too, but she noticed Kaji was there, and decided to throw shade at him instead."
Lark responds to that by saying "I guess something will hardly ever differentiate from canon." before asking what happened next as Shinji continued his story.
"We tour the ship, get some lectures about a future in the military, the German thot gives me and the rest of my team the stink eye, Mari looked around for a place to bust a nut, Misato and Kaji quote unquote worked on the strain in their relationship, pretty much the same as canon up until the Angel started attacking. Bishops stopped Kaji from leaving by using his power as NERV leader and a UN representative to have him provide assistance to us regarding clearance to deploy Unit-02. Then he went to the fleet admiral to open a channel with NERV HQ and the JSDF associates to get the clearance which they eventually relent to since we haven't given them any Anti AT-Field depth charges yet."
"Lemme guess, you had to get in the EVA wearing one of her plug suits?" Lark asks as Shinji answers "Yup, and lemme tell you, girl plug suits: should probably have the same kind of armor plating as the version of the guy plug suit that I have to wear, because not only are those things a hella lot snugger, but man are they underarmored. I mean mine has the shoulder plating and for the most part a chest plate, but the Unit-02 plug suit? Yeah, only really plated around the old chest beefers."
Surprisingly, Lark responds "Sounds more like their more meant for getting kinky in the bedroom, and I've seen plenty of plug suits and WHOOP catsuits when I decide to buy new clothes." before asking "So I'm guessing the fight went about the same as canon?" as Unit-01's pilot responded "More or less, except that the two ships that were used to trap the Angel survived and Bishops had Kensuke suit up in his vigilante outfit to use the Unmaker to ensure that NERV couldn't take any good samples. The rest of the body, well the N2 mine and Bishops saw to that."
This technically got old Larky to get to thinking as she asked Shinji "Hold on, aren't the Angels in your timeline accompanied by some sort of human sized herald?" before continuing her inquiry after Shinji nods "yeah" by adding "So what happened to the herald for this one? Last time I checked, episode 8's Angel was an aquatic sea monster, so how'd its herald fight?"
Shinji then replied by answering "Well I didn't get to see the fight in full since I was helping Asuka deal with her own crap, but I did get the play by play from the others. Basically put, the herald goaded Bishops to fight underwater while the others were keeping an eye on the fight from the air, and obviously being a humanoid fish monster, guess who had the advantage under water when it came to speed and agility."
Lark then asked "So how'd he manage to win?" before Shinji responded "Basically through sheer dumb luck and the power of the Gurren Lagann equivalent of Super Saiyan with a luckily right timed kick into the air and a high powered energy blast that managed to finish off two birds with one stone. Anyway, the rest of the day pretty much went like canon. The other Knights got their yucks in with that stupid plug suit, Bishops offered to finance repairs and replacement of any damaged or lost ships from the fight and surprise surprise, the German uber bitch and the psycho Brit were now part of our high school class. Thank god that I only have to deal with them for the most part of just one class a day and the usual NERV crap."
Cyclonis could only say "Well, sounds like you've had a hell of a couple days." before finishing her cosmopolitan as Shinji responds "And if canon is any sign now that I know that Makinami is involved, it's only going to get a whole lot more rough from here on out." as he finishes his own Lumiouse Flamethrower before getting up from his seat and going "Alright, I better get back to my universe before Bishops gets on my ass for getting blackout brick faced...again. Thanks again for meeting me, Larky."
Lark responds "Aren't you forgetting something?" as Shinji realizes that he almost forgot to pay for his drinks and gives Lark his share of the bill before setting off for more canon chaos.
Meanwhile within the dark confines of Gendo's office, anime's bastard king along with the reborn SEELE member Keel Lorenz observing the confines of the briefcase on Gendo's desk.
"I will commend you for thinking of teleporting the embryo from agent Kaji while leaving him with a temporary doppelganger, Mr. Ikari." went Lorenz before adding "Sometimes you actually do have worthy ideas in your mind instead of just general stupidity."
Gendo responds "We may still be trying to find a replacement Lilith due to Bishops' actions against us, but at the very least, we can ensure that once we do, everything will be in place."
Lorenz then asks "Are you ready?" before Gendo removes his right glove and begins the process of absorbing the Adam embryo into his body, growling and fighting the urge to cry out in pain during the process until finally releasing a roar of power once the process was completed. After the light of Gendo's surge of energy had faded, Lorenz looked upon his apprentice and asked "It appears that the increase to your power wasn't as high as we thought it would be." before activating his visor's scouter function and seeing it read at 150,000 while Gendo responds "It's still a step towards completing Human Instrumentality and crushing Bishops and his allies once and for all."
Some people would wish that Gendo was wrong, but unfortunately he was correct. With the increase to his power thanks to the Adam embryo embedded into his right hand, the battle against him just became more difficult when added to not only his and Lorenz's alliance with the one known as Gourdar, the never ending, but having the right mind to start building up their new army even earlier than Bishops ever had. Their numbers were increasing, and come time to unleash them, it wasn't going to be a good day for the Knights of Ryujin.
(Ending Theme: "Aozora ni Naru" by Jin Hashimoto- Kamen Rider Kuuga OST)
Current List of Power Levels:
Desmond Bishops (me): 2,350,000/108,100,000(Max Safe Kaio Ken: x46)/117,500,000(Base Super Spiral)
Shinji Ikari: 95,000/665,000(Max Safe Kaio Ken: x7)/102,500 (Post Gaghiel Fight)/ 717,500 (Post Gaghiel Fight Max Safe Kaio Ken: x7) (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Mana Kirishima: 2800 (Warper Status: LV. 4)
Musashi Lee Strasberg: 2750 (Warper Status: LV.4)
Keita Asari: 2700 (Warper Status: LV. 4)
Rei Ayanami (Rei III): 23,800* (Warper Status: LV. 4)
Toji Suzuhara: 94,000/658,000(Max Safe Kaio Ken: x7) (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Kensuke Aida: 93,800/656,600(Max Safe Kaio Ken: x7) (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Sakura Suzuhara: 94,000/658,000(Max Safe Kaio Ken: x7) (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Hikari Horaki: 5.2
Misato Katsuragi: 5
Wynn Miyabi: 377,200 (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Eria Aoi: 377,000 (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Lyna Hikari: 377,000 (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Asuka Langley Sohryu: 37,000/44,800 (Post Gaghiel Fight)*
Mari Illustrious Makinami: 36,800*
Ryoji Kaji: 6
Pen Pen: 3.25
Shigiru Aoba: 4
Maya Ibuki: 4
Mokoto Hyuga: 3
Ritsuko Akagi: 4
Jessabelle Musashi: 312,000 (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Fuytsuki Kozo: 3
Gendo Ikari: 46,700/150,000 (Post Adam Embryo Absorption) (Warper Status: LV. 4)
Keel Lorenz: 261,000 (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Ami (Earth Dimension SJ-12639706): 110,500/1,215,500 (Max Safe Kaio Ken=x11) (Warper Status: LV. 5)
Kaworu Nagisa: 71,200* (Warper Satus: LV: 3)
Johnny "Gourdar the Never Ending" 2x4 (Earth Dimension EEE- Sigma-1451-B): 25,000
Dr. Frog (Earth Dimension LOSE-1018-Tau): 1,800,000/72,000,000 (Battle Suit Overclock)
EVA Unit-02: 3,000,000 (Synch Rate: 50%)
Pinkamena: 2,500,000,000
Rei Ayanami Pie: 150,000
Bell Ayanami Pie: 150,000
Gaghiel, Angel of the Fish: 120,000,000
Gaghiel's Herald: 60,000,000
"Lark" Cyclonis (Earth Dimension SH-14413-Omega): 4,000,000/ 20,000,000 (Beginning Stages Susanoo)
(Author's Notes: Yes, goal for the year, reached with a month to spare and it's the shortest one to date. If you were expecting a long action sequence, well I wanted to try something different with how the events of episode 8 were told, and I might do it again in the future. Don't worry, we'll be getting back to lots of action come the next chapter. Why yes, we're dealing with more "Rebuild" stuff considering that the final movie releases in the same year as the show's 25th anniversary...I hope. Also expect Asuka and Mari to be investigating Bishops' "apprenticeship program" once they learn about it, and who knows, they might just learn something that they weren't supposed to. And before we address what happens next time, I should address something I said I would try and have on Deviantart during the last month, well real life bs got in the way (as usual), I didn't get to finish the Halloween special I wanted to do, so I decided to work on it during the time I have to do so, and have it ready to be up next October since it just seemed like the right time of year to post something like that. I apologize to anyone looking forward to it, but some things just can't be avoided.
But enough about that, next time, we get to the end of what I'm calling the "Gathering" arc with the episode after that going full on into what I plan on calling the "NERV/Angel War" arc. For those of you who want the layout, here it is:
"Gathering" arc: chapters 1-15 (you are here)
"NERV/Angel War" arc: chapters 16 through episode 26's altered canon (you'll be here after not the next episode, but the one after that)
"?" arc: we'll cross that bridge when we get there
Oh, and in the next episode, expect more Japan only visual novel games being addressed, Bishops still dealing with the aftermath of his peace negotiating fling with Pinkamena...oh, and the first wave of the Gourdian invasion (yeah, to make room for this, we'll be pushing episode 9's altered canon back a bit). So until next time, DSX62415, out.)