K/N: Well, we finally got to the real star of the show. Me. The emperor. Don't know why we've been following the other guys for the past several weeks. I don't even know who they are. And frankly, I don't care. Now, let's turn the spotlight on me and continue.
Chapter 53
The Llama Emperor
Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy sat around the campfire with the man and the llama, who had introduced themselves as Pacha and Emperor Kuzco. Pacha, who was the leader of the nearby village, and Kuzco had explained their stories, how Kuzco had up until the day before been a human only a few years older than Sora, Riku and Kairi, but he had somehow transformed into a llama. The party of newcomers listened patiently, much to Kuzco's surprise.
"Wait, you believe me, just like that? You don't find any of this weird at all?" Kuzco asked in disbelief.
Sora shrugged. "Let's face it, a talking llama and transformation potions aren't the strangest thing I've ever seen," he answered.
"That honor would have to go to the talking doorknob," Donald snarked.
"Exactly," Sora said.
"The talking… okay?" Kuzco stammered, bewildered at the claim and still trying to wrap his head around the situation at hand.
"So, Pacha," Kairi addressed the villager, "what brings you out here with him?"
Pacha glanced at Kuzco somberly. "I found him tied in a bag that had somehow ended up on my cart on my way home. He tried to get home on his own, but wandered in here instead, so I came to his aid," he explained. "I told him that I would help him get home if he changed his plans to build a summer home and didn't level my village to do it."
Everyone else save for Kuzco, who was smiling maliciously, gasped. "What?!" they shouted. Leaves rustled as the noise disturbed nearby critters.
Kuzco held his paws up defensively. "Whoa, hey, I said sure. We shook hands on it," he said, clicking his hooves like fingers. Riku raised an eyebrow suspiciously. The llama emperor shrugged. "Whatever. Listen, I need you to get me back up to the tallest mountain so I can make Yzma take me to her 'secret lab'—" he made air quotes with his hooves "—and change me back."
"Who's Yzma?" Mickey asked.
"Oh, she's just my advisor. Oh, wait, I guess not anymore, since I fired her this morning. But she'll definitely do what I say. Now, chop-chop. Let's hurry on back."
The party shared glances, recognizing the uncertainty in each other's expressions. Mickey turned back to Kuzco and Pacha. "One moment, please," he said. The six of them stepped away and huddled up.
"I'm not sure about this Kuzco guy," Riku whispered.
Donald nodded in agreement. "I doubt he'll keep his promise."
Goofy shrugged. "Sure, but we can't just leave him here, can we?"
"Well, we're going that way anyhow," Sora said. "No reason not to accompany them."
"And who knows? Maybe we can get him to change his tune," Kairi suggested.
The others mulled this over for a moment. They considered this possibility, all save for Donald. The grouchy, skeptical waterfowl scowled, shooting a quick glare at the llama.
Mickey nodded. "Sounds like a plan." The others nodded, though Donald was more reluctant. They broke apart and turned back to Kuzco and Pacha. "Well, we've got some good news."
The party, now joined by the peasant leader and the selfish talking llama, made their way through the jungle. Pacha took the lead, guiding them in the right direction. Kuzco held himself up with an air of authority, even though he was still unused to walking on four legs, particularly with hooves. Riku, Mickey and Goofy scanned around and listened to all ambient sounds, hoping to make sure that nothing gets the drop on them. Kuzco spent most of the time complaining, while the others either pretended to listen or outright ignored him as they were instead focused on making their way out of the jungle.
Riku held his hand up. "Wait," he said. Everyone stopped, except for Kuzco. The transmogrified emperor walked a few yards ahead, complaining still, but it soon registered that everyone else had stopped, so he did as well.
"Whoa, whoa, wait? We've got places to be! I need to get out of this place and get my old body back! I can't just—" he protested until Mickey hushed him. He put a hand to his ear, indicating for him to listen. Kuzco paused for a moment and listened, an annoyed scowl on his face. The scowl faded into a look of fear as he took notice of rustling nearby, a noise that seemed to grow louder as the source moved closer.
Powerwilds and Bouncywilds burst out of the underbrush, lunging at the group. Some targeted the more experienced members, either as a distracting maneuver or out of general stupidity, but most of them converged on Kuzco and Pacha. Pacha took up a defensive posture and punched a Powerwild away, but he was then hit in the arm with a slingshot ball. Kuzco screamed like a little girl and ran, stumbling over his hooves, trying to get away from the assailants.
Kairi and Goofy saw some Heartless run after Kuzco and broke away from the fight to rush to his aid. They made short work of the Heartless, only sustaining a few scratches themselves. However, Kuzco was oblivious to his rescue and continued running, until he charged face-first into a tree. Kairi winced at the clear pain.
Riku and Mickey came to Pacha's aid and defeated the Heartless assaulting him. It was not long before Sora and Donald had finished off the last remaining Heartless. Sora cast Cure to heal all injuries. The healing mist caused Kuzco to wake up from his head injury.
Kuzco looked around in a daze, not sure what had just happened. He did not see the creatures that he was sure had been chasing him a moment ago, so he could only try to understand what had occurred. He narrowed his eyes at his guides. "Not cool, guys," he said.
"What?" Sora asked, confused.
"Fine. You're not going to help me? Then I'll just find my way back myself," Kuzco said, turning and walking away.
"Hey, hold on, your Majesty," Pacha pleaded, but Kuzco ignored him.
"No touchy. Buh-bye. I'm off!" Kuzco declared. He heard the others offer their protests and warnings, but he ignored them and continued walking. However, he stopped when he realized that he could no longer feel the earth beneath his feet. He looked down and saw the ground several feet below him. He looked back and realized that he had walked right off of a cliff ledge. He let out a yelp as gravity took hold and he fell.
Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Pacha ran to the edge and watched him fall. Riku raised his eyebrow as the llama landed. "Anyone have a coin?" he asked abruptly. Donald raised his hand. Riku nodded. "So, heads we help him, tails we leave him?" Donald reached into his pocket, but everyone else shook their heads. "Yeah, didn't think so. Kidding, anyway. C'mon."
Kuzco stood up with some difficulty and rubbed the back of his long neck with his right hoof. He opened one eye and stifled a gasp when he saw a jaguar sleeping a few feet away from him. He looked around and saw many more jaguars around them. Fortunately, they were all asleep, but the slightest noise could awaken them.
Kuzco tiptoed, or tip-hoofed, around the sleeping animals, being careful to avoid making any disturbing noises. He nearly jumped when he heard a twig break under his foot. He stared at the nearest jaguar in suspense. Several seconds passed, feeling like an eternity, before he was satisfied that the predator would not awaken. He continued to maneuver around the slumbering pack until he bumped into a tree. He stumbled and collapsed against it, shaking it hard enough to rustle some branches and leaves. He gaped, noticing a jaguar sleeping on one of the tree's branches. However, it did not seem to notice the disruption. Kuzco began to relax until he saw a fruit fall from the end of a branch. He held his breath, wide-eyed in terror, as the fruit fell. It landed and broke open with a thud. However, this still did not disturb the jaguars.
"Ha-ha!" he chuckled triumphantly, then immediately covered his mouth as he realized what he had just done. In an instant, the jaguars shot to their feet, awake and angry. A jaguar with singed fur stood closest to Kuzco, looking right into the terrified llama's eyes. Kuzco turned around and ran as fast as he could, somehow staying just ahead of the pack. Kuzco jumped off of a ledge and landed on another, with the jaguars still in hot pursuit. Kuzco shot a glance back and wished he had not upon seeing the jaguars' bloodthirsty eyes and sharp teeth. He returned his gaze to the path in front of him just in time to see a branch right in front of him. He ran right into it, hitting his neck against it, and spun around about it before landing on the back of one of the jaguars. Kuzco screamed. The jaguar noticed him and stopped running allowing itself to skid to a halt. Kuzco's momentum caused him to fly off of its back. He tumbled through some foliage and rolled across the ground, coming to a stop at the thin ledge of a cliff.
He shook his head until his vision cleared and shot to his feet when he saw the jaguars inch closer to him. He chuckled fearfully. "You… killer… jaguars… me…" he stammered. He tried to back away, but found that there was nowhere to go but down. He closed his eyes and waited for the beasts to finish him off when he heard a strange holler.
Kuzco and the jaguars turned to identify the source, and they saw Pacha swinging on a vine, headed straight for the jaguars. Kuzco smiled and glared at his attackers. However, the jaguars simply moved out of the way, and Pacha sailed right by them. Kuzco and the jaguars stared in bemusement as Pacha went by, then returned to their previous business. But then, Pacha swung back and grabbed onto Kuzco, taking the llama with him.
"Don't worry, your Highness. I gotcha! You're safe now!" Pacha reassured Kuzco, who simply stared in fear and surprise as the ground below flew by at a rapid pace.
However, there was another hurdle for them. They flew past the spot from which Pacha had stepped off with the vine, sailing right past Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy. Goofy had stuck his arms out to grab them, but they were too far out. Pacha and Kuzco swung up too far and too fast, and the vine ended up wrapping around a two-foot-thick tree that appeared to be in the process of rotting. The top end of the vine snapped off and wrapped around the tree as well, tying both of them down.
Kuzco and Pacha looked around, dumbfounded, while the others could only stare with similar expressions. Kuzco quickly shifted his expression to a dull one of apparent disinterest. "Maybe I'm new to the whole 'rescuing' thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backward. Wouldn't you say?" he quipped.
"No, no, no! It's… it's okay! This is alright! We can figure this out," Pacha covered, attempting to restore confidence in both Kuzco and himself.
Suddenly, they heard a cracking sound. Their added weight on the dense but weak wood was causing it to break.
"I hate you," Kuzco said, seconds before the tree broke completely and they were sent falling.
The others looked at each other with panicked expressions. "Down we go!" Sora said. He jumped off of the ledge and fell down to follow them.
"Wait!" Riku tried to stop him and make him exercise caution, but it was too late. He shook his head and jumped after him. Mickey, Goofy, Kairi, and Donald followed him.
Sora nimbly jumped from rock to rock as he made his way down, though he stumbled at a few points, but he made it down safely and stopped momentarily when he saw Kuzco, Pacha and the tree floating down a river. His friends followed suit, but only Riku and Mickey matched his level of balance. After the first landing, Kairi tumbled and nearly fell off, but Riku caught her and soon resorted to carrying her bridal-style. Donald and Goofy stumbled the whole way down and ended up falling into the river. A blue tentacle popped out above the water for a second, offering a quick indicator that they would be fine.
"Uh-oh," Sora muttered on looking past the floating tree.
Kuzco saw Sora's expression and also heard Pacha utter the same confidence-boosting oath. "Lemme guess. We're about to go over a huge waterfall?" he asked.
"Yup," Pacha confirmed with a resigned expression.
"Sharp rocks at the bottom?" Kuzco guessed again.
"Most likely."
"Bring it on."
They went over the side, tumbling along with the water. Sora, Riku and Mickey sprang into action. Mickey jumped into the river and landed on Goofy's shell. Riku set Kairi down and ran to join Sora, sprinting down the bank straight for the cliff. Donald swam beside them. Kairi slipped and fell into the river. Mickey saw this and pointed his Keyblade back at her. He shot a beam of light from the tip. When the beam reached Kairi, a glowing sphere materialized around her. The sphere, attached to the string of light, lifted Kairi out of the river and drained water out of the bottom. Kairi coughed and sputtered as she tried to get oxygen back into her lungs.
Riku jumped off of the ledge and fell upside-down. Show-off, Sora thought. He hopped off of the ledge and did an aerial front-flip, then ran vertically down the side. He dug his Keyblade into the rock to minimize his downward acceleration; he did not want to hit the ground in a splatter of gunk at terminal velocity while trying to pull off a rescue. Donald gulped and allowed himself to fall off with the water. He watched Sora and Riku's progress and spied for Kuzco and Pacha. Mickey held tight to both shell and Keyblade and cast Oxyale on himself as he and Goofy went over the cliff.
Riku reached the water first, and cast Aeroga around himself to slow his fall. Because the surface was already rough from the waterfall, he did not have to worry nearly as much about the force from breaking the surface tension, but the Aeroga spell helped, and he dove under the water. He quickly angled himself horizontally and swam straight on, only a few feet above the riverbed at this point. Donald did the same thing, as did Mickey. The latter made sure that Kairi floated above the water's surface.
Sora took a different approach. As he approached the bottom, he spun his Keyblade around to his right, putting Gravity and Aero magic into its centripetal motion. Before he made the jump, he had thought his plan through. Normally, momentum and inertia are on a vector. As in, a specific direction. Send an object in one direction, and it will try to keep going in that same direction at the same speed. But if I bend space and distort the axes of motion, I might be able to change my direction of momentum smoothly, without going SPLAT. Of course, after he made the jump and was rapidly approaching a potential death, his only thoughts were: Don't die, don't die, don't die…
As he drew near, he saw broken pieces of wood, but no hint that Kuzco and Pacha had met their end on the sharp rocks. That was a good sign.
At the moment of truth, Sora dispersed his wind and gravity magic into a disk of magenta light. If a keen-eyed onlooker paid close attention to what was happening, they would see that he rotated about the top of his head in the span of a single step. When that transition went through, he shot off, running along the water at the same speed in which he had previously been running down the rock face. As he ran, he cheered in excitement, amazed that it had actually worked. He did not care that he had probably awoken the entire jungle and possibly some of the nearby villages; he was just that excited. He scanned ahead and saw Kuzco and Pacha, as well as the broken remains of the tree, floating down the river, and continued to follow them.
A few minutes later, Sora saw Kuzco and Pacha sitting on the shore, and ran to meet them. Riku walked up out of the river moments later, soaking wet. Donald crawled ashore a few minutes after that. His tentacles changed back into legs and his clothes rematerialized as soon as he was fully out of the water.
"Everyone alright?" Donald asked. Sora, Riku and Pacha nodded.
"Where are Kairi, Mickey and Goofy?" Riku asked, noticing that they were nowhere to be seen.
"They must have ended up somewhere else, maybe floated further down," Sora guessed. "They looked like they would be fine. The King had Kairi in a magic bubble to keep her out of the water, and he used that Oxyale magic on himself. They can take care of themselves, so we'll just meet up with them later."
"Hold up," Kuzco interrupted. "Did you say 'King'?"
Riku and Donald nodded. "Yeah. Mickey is the king of… a distant land," he explained. "Unlike some sovereigns, he's kind, brave and selfless."
"Uh-huh," Kuzco responded, somewhat uninterested. So long as he doesn't mess with what I do, and so long as he gets that it's about me, he thought.
"Technically, he married into power," Donald added.
"But the queen's no different!" Sora said sternly.
"Meh," Kuzco grunted.
Riku turned and stared down the river. "We should probably stay here until morning," he suggested. "Rest up. We won't be getting out of here if we're all exhausted." He turned back to the others. Sora, Donald, Pacha, and Kuzco looked at each other for a moment, then nodded in agreement.
They proceeded to check the area and clear it so they could sleep there. Well, all except Kuzco, who had never worked a day in his life, and Riku and Donald were unable to persuade him into helping. By the time they were done, Sora was already lying down to fall asleep and Kuzco had slumped down near a rock. Donald was walking the perimeter of the site, patrolling to make sure they would not be disturbed.
Riku turned a glance toward Kuzco. Part of him wanted to simply leave him be, but another part wanted to understand him. Was he truly as selfish and cold as he let on? Riku walked over and sat a few feet away from him. Kuzco's llama ear flicked as he registered his presence, but he said nothing that would otherwise acknowledge him.
"Emperor Kuzco? May I ask you something?" Riku asked, hoping to spark a conversation.
"Shoot," Kuzco said without changing expression.
"Is this summer home really so important?" Riku asked.
"Uh, yeah." Kuzco said this as though it should have been obvious.
"But you realize that if you put it on Pacha's village, or any populated hill for that matter, you'd be forcing a lot of people out of their homes and pretty much ruining their lives just for you, right?"
There was a pause. "And that would be… bad?"
"Yeah," Pacha chimed in, speaking in an amiable tone, since he also wanted to appeal to Kuzco's better nature. "Nobody's that heartless."
Riku raised an eyebrow in his direction. "I'll get back to you on that," he muttered.
Kuzco seemed to think about it. "Right. Well, soon as the sun's up, take me back," he ordered.
Riku scoffed. Pacha's jaw dropped. "Wait, wait! How can you be this way? All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you."
"Uh, yeah. Doi. Me," Kuzco replied, acting once again like it should be obvious. "Everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You guys are the only ones who don't seem to be with the program."
Pacha facepalmed and sighed. "You know what? Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone, and you will have no one to blame but yourself."
"He's right, you know," Riku agreed.
Kuzco rolled his eyes. "Thanks for that. I'll log that away," he said sarcastically. "Whatever. I said I'd leave your little village alone, so you're gonna take me back." He walked further away from Riku and Pacha and laid himself down closer to the rock, then began to fall asleep.
Riku watched him pitifully, then found a place to lie down and fall asleep.
Half an hour later, Pacha was the only one still awake. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, and was getting ready to fall asleep, when he heard something to his left. He glanced over and saw the sleeping Kuzco shaking, shivering in the cold. Feeling sorry for him, Pacha removed his poncho and draped it over Kuzco's body like a blanket, then retook his place. Kuzco woke up and looked down at himself, noticing Pacha's poncho. He looked over at Pacha, surprised by the gesture.
Kairi leaned against a tree for support, trying to regain her bearings. Mickey gave her a tissue, which she used to wipe traces of vomit from around her mouth. The mouse also handed her a canteen, which she drank to stay hydrated and also to wash her mouth out.
"Thanks," she said, handing the canteen back to Mickey. "I have to say, almost drowning twice in a week is not something I was expecting."
"Well, at least we haven't crashed the Gummi Ship and fallen several hundred feet," Goofy consoled her. "And I heard Sora almost got mauled by a leopard."
"That, I actually remember, for some reason," Kairi replied. "Any idea what happened to Sora, Riku and the others?"
"They must've ended up at a different bank," Mickey guessed. "But I'm sure we'll find them again by the time we get out of this jungle."
"I guess so, barring any unexpected encounters that might delay us. Speaking of which, do you hear that?" Kairi glanced around and started creeping into the trees. Mickey and Goofy traded quizzical glances and followed her.
"Are you certain that he is in here?" an old woman's voice asked.
"Well, my Squirrel Scouts training gives me exceptional tracking skills, so yes, I am," a deep masculine voice replied. "Though, it's getting pretty dark. I think we should make camp and wait until morning."
Kairi pushed some leaves aside and saw a grey-skinned, wiry old woman wearing a purple dress, a purple, bowl-like cap with a pink jewel in the front, and purple shoes, and a muscular man with a prominent chin. The muscular man wore a backpack that carried a chair inside of a picture booth-sized purple tent, in which the old woman sat. They were being followed by a pair of Powerwild Heartless. Mickey and Goofy joined her and they studied the two with interest.
"Since when do you do the thinking, Kronk?" the old woman shot back. "I can hardly stand it out here, with all the dirt and bugs. And we can't let the emperor find his way back to the palace. If he talks, we're through! The sooner we find him, the sooner I kill him—or I let these things eat him, I'm not sure yet—and the sooner we can head back and I can live it up as Empress Yzma." She yawned. "But I am getting sleepy, and I suppose we ought to set down for the night."
"Great idea, Yzma," Kronk replied.
Kairi, Mickey and Goofy backed away from their vantage point and huddled up. "Yzma? Isn't that Kuzco's advisor?" Goofy asked for clarification.
"Ex-advisor," Kairi corrected. "And it looks like she won't be quite as willing to change him back as he thinks."
"I guess we now know how he got turned into a llama," Mickey surmised. "But we might still be able to get into her hideout and find a way to turn him back to normal."
"We should probably warn them. Especially Kuzco, since it's his closest confidante who wants him dead," Kairi suggested.
"As soon as we find them, let's. In the meantime, let's keep an eye on these two. Make sure they don't find the others."
"Starting tomorrow," Kairi added, aware that Yzma and Kronk were busy making camp.
Beams of sunlight shone through the trees above, illuminating the dense jungle. A bolt of lightning came down from one of the openings between overhanging leaves and struck an Emerald Blues Heartless. Sora threw his Keyblade and vanquished a Bouncywild, and Riku cut down a trio of Powerwilds.
Donald turned to check on Pacha and Kuzco once the Heartless were all destroyed. He leaned to the right to locate Kuzco, who was cowering behind Pacha.
"It's all right," Sora reassured them. "The Heartless are gone." After a moment, Kuzco seemed to relax, and he started walking again, keeping pace with the others.
"Strange. There weren't nearly as many Heartless around last night," Riku observed.
"Yeah. I noticed that too," Sora agreed. "I guess they realized we were here. Not hard to believe, since we've been casting spells all night."
"Or maybe…" Riku began. Sora raised an eyebrow, but his friend did not finish, leaving the implication open.
"Someone brought them here?" Sora came to realize. He scanned the ground and the trees. He saw broken twigs, fresh footprints, and blood from recent scrapes. Bugs and birds took flight, and there were a few squirrels and lizards running by them. Usually, the Heartless pop out of the shadows to attack the quarry they found, and the party had already determined that they have not been going after the wildlife. However, something foreign was disturbing the creatures. The Heartless were moving around as though they were in a pack.
"Have you ever seen Heartless move around as a unified force?" Riku asked.
"I saw them stand in wait and take orders from Clayton in Deep Jungle," Sora answered. "They probably ran around searching for gorillas before I met them at the cliff, too. And Shan-Yu led an entire army of Rapid Thrusters. There was also that swarm of Shadows that chased us up the Organization's castle, but it was in a world close to the darkness, so I guess they were more comfortable there."
Riku nodded. "So, aside from that last one, they only acted like this when they had someone ordering them around."
Donald groaned. "They must be looking for something," he surmised. "Or someone…" He, Sora and Riku turned to look at Kuzco. The transformed emperor did not seem to notice they were looking at him in worry, and was utterly oblivious to his life being in danger.
"Something tells me that turning him into a llama and dumping him in the jungle wasn't the original plan," Riku said gravely.
"Unless someone likes making things complicated," Sora countered jokingly. "They'd fit right in here, though."
"Let's be on our guard," Riku said. Sora and Donald nodded in agreement.
Pacha pushed some leaves aside. "Okay, we should be out of the jungle now," he said. Everybody trudged through and caught a glimpse of the open sky. They were beyond the line of trees, and there was no obstruction in front of them.
Okay, there was a ravine whose two sides were connected by a thin, old-looking rope bridge, but assuming that there was no danger in that, there was no obstruction in front of them.
Pacha smiled back at the group. "Okay. Once we cross this bridge, it's only an hour to the palace," he informed them. He took the first step and started crossing the bridge. Kuzco followed him. Sora started to do the same, but Donald pulled him back by his shirt.
"Wait," the duck warned him. "Who knows how much weight this bridge could take?" Sora nodded in understanding and watched Pacha and Kuzco make their way across.
"Good. Because, believe it or not, I think I need a bath," Kuzco replied to Pacha's declaration, a look of shame on his face.
"I believe it," Pacha muttered.
"What was that?"
"Nothing!"
When Pacha took his next step, however, the wooden board under his foot snapped. As he fell, another board fell out of place. Pacha tumbled through the newly-made hole, but he fortunately fell into some ropes that had come undone due to no longer being able to hold the boards up and dangled below the bridge. Sora, Riku, Donald, and Kuzco jumped in surprise. The former three watched in shock, trying to find a way to save him from falling into the ravine.
"Kuzco!" Pacha called up. "Kuzco!"
Kuzco tapped his chin with his hoof, then smiled. He poked his head down through the hole. "Yeah?"
"Help me up!" Pacha pleaded.
Instead, Kuzco hopped over the hole. He turned his head to look back down at Pacha. "No, I don't think I will."
Riku clenched his fists. That backstabbing…
"What? You're gonna leave me here?" Pacha asked, incredulous at the betrayal.
"Well, I was gonna have you imprisoned for life, but I kinda like this better."
"I thought you were a changed man," Pacha growled.
"Oh, come on! I had to say something to get you to take me back to the city," Kuzco gloated guiltlessly.
"So all of it was a lie?!"
"Well, yeah. No, wait." Kuzco pondered for a moment. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, it all was a lie. Toodles!" He turned away and trotted across the bridge, stepping off onto sturdy ground. He turned his head back, remembering Sora, Riku and Donald, who were seething with rage. "Oh, and you guys, so long. Have fun doing whatever it was you were going to do." He turned and started to leave.
"WE SHOOK HANDS ON IT!" Pacha shouted in rage.
Kuzco stopped when he heard this. He walked back across the bridge until he reached the hole. Sora was in the process of taking his first step on the bridge in hopes of rescuing Pacha, but he was forced to draw back when he saw Kuzco.
"You know, the funny thing about shaking hands is…" Kuzco stuck his front legs out toward Pacha, showing him his hooved feet. "You need hands!" He stood back up and turned around. "Okay, buh-bye." He took a step, but the board broke beneath him, dropping him and putting him in the same predicament as Pacha, except that his ankles were tied up around the top of his neck.
"Are you okay? You alright?" Pacha asked.
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm alright," Kuzco replied, a rope wrapped around his mouth.
"Good!" Pacha punched Kuzco in the face. Kuzco spun out of the ropes until he laid on the ropes, one loop holding up each limb. "That's for going back on your promise!"
Kuzco kicked him, sending him swinging away, then rocked himself back and forth as though he were on a swing set. "Yeah. That's for kidnapping me and taking me to your village," he retorted. "Which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way." His smug smile faded when he saw Pacha's next move. "No touchy…" Pacha swung back and head-butted him in the stomach, knocking him into the cliff face.
Sora, Riku and Donald looked at each other in confusion. "I'm pretty sure Pacha wouldn't and didn't do that," Sora commented.
Pacha flew back to the opposite face. "Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you?" he asked, both to Kuzco and himself. "I always thought that there was some good in everyone, but you proved me wrong."
"Oh, boo hoo. Now I feel bad. Bad llama," Kuzco said in a mock whiny voice.
"I could've let you die out there in the jungle, and then all of my problems would be over!"
"Well, then that makes you ugly and stupid."
"Let's end this!"
"Ladies first."
Pacha and Kuzco threw themselves at each other, arms and legs flailing. When they made contact, they slugged it out. Punches and kicks and the occasional bite went flying. Sora and Riku watched in horror, though Donald seemed rather amused. The tussle continued, soon devolving into eye pokes and ear pulls. Sora looked down past them and gulped. Riku looked at him in confusion and Sora pointed down. Far below them, at the very bottom of the ravine, a river flowed. Half a dozen crocodiles swam in the river, and they would be more than eager to have a quick meal fall from the sky.
All movement stopped when they heard a cracking sound. Pacha and Kuzco looked up, while Sora, Riku and Donald followed their gaze to the bridge. The ropes were pulled taut and at some points were starting to rip. Another cracking noise sounded out as more boards split. In seconds, the entire bridge came undone and fell away. Pacha and Kuzco remained in midair long enough to realize what was going to happen before they too fell.
They tumbled against the cliff walls and their heads soon started to smack together. Their feet caught on the rock, causing them to skid to a stop, at a point where either side of the ravine was only a few feet apart. They were lucky to have stopped then, as a few feet below them, the cliffs split back apart, at which point they would have been crocodile chow. But they stayed where they were, leaning against each other's backs with their feet planted against the rock, they held themselves and each other up without seeming to realize it. The crocodiles noticed this and converged below them, waiting for them to slip and fall in.
While Riku and Donald were mesmerized by the horror, Sora scanned around and saw a long rope still hanging from one of the bridge's end posts. He untied it and held one end in his hand. "Donald, Riku, we need to do a reverse Trinity Ladder!" he barked.
Donald looked at him and nodded, but Riku was confused. "What's a Trinity Ladder?" he asked.
"Donald, Goofy and I would reach high ledges or ceiling trapdoors by getting up on each other's shoulders," Sora explained. "This time, we need to go down. Hold this rope as far down as we can get it. Riku, you stay here and hold onto my ankles. Donald, I'll hold onto yours, and you hold this rope down for Pacha and Kuzco."
Riku and Donald nodded. Following Sora's lead, they got into formation, and within a minute, Riku was holding Sora and Donald down over the side of the cliff. Donald held the rope tightly in both hands and lowered it down as far as he could. However, it was still several feet above Pacha and Kuzco.
"It's not long enough!" Donald shouted up to Sora and Riku.
"What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? We're gonna die!" Kuzco cried. "We're gonna die! That's it for me."
Pacha looked up and saw the rope. "No, we're not," he said. "Calm down. I have an idea." He mounted his feet firmly against the cliff. "Give me your arm." Kuzco weakly lifted his right foreleg, and Pacha wrapped his left arm around it. "Okay. Now the other one." He wrapped his other arm around Kuzco's left foreleg, then hoisted himself up. "When I say go, push against my back and we'll walk up the hill. Ready?" Kuzco shook his head. "Go!" He pushed back, accidentally slamming an unprepared Kuzco into the wall.
"Ow! You did that on purpose!" Kuzco accused. He shoved back, slamming Pacha against the opposite wall.
"No I didn't! Now, we're gonna have to work together to get out of this. See those guys up there? They're trying to get us to safety, but they need us to get in reach. Now, follow my lead. Ready?" He pushed back until they were back in center, with Kuzco putting in his work. "Right foot."
"Whose right?" Kuzco asked nervously. "Your right, or mine?"
"I don't care… Mine."
"Well, why yours?"
"Okay, your right! Ready?"
"Okay, got it!" Kuzco said, satisfied.
"Okay. Right. Left," Pacha said, making sure that they both took each step in time with each other. "Right. Left."
Kuzco chuckled in relief. "Look, we're moving!" He looked down and screamed when he saw the crocodiles.
"Don't look down! Now, stay with me. Stay with me," Pacha said, getting Kuzco to calm down. "Right. Left. Right. Left." They continued moving until they were at a point where they had extended themselves as far as they could while their shoulders were still touching. They stopped moving when they realized that they could not go any farther.
"Now what, genius?" Kuzco snarked, struggling to stay straight lest they fall to their deaths.
"Working on it," Pacha replied. There was a brief pause as he considered what to do. "Okay, here's the deal. Stretch out your neck, and I'll grab the rope—"
Kuzco's eyes widened. "How do I know you won't let me fall after you grab the rope?" he asked in a sharp, distrustful tone.
"You're just gonna have to trust me!"
Kuzco pushed Pacha with his front hooves, then situated his head under his back. He stretched his neck, pushing Pacha further up.
"They're doing it!" Donald cheered.
Pacha swung his arm to try to grab the rope while Kuzco struggled to push him closer. "You know, it's a good thing you're not a big fat guy, or this would be really difficult," Kuzco said sarcastically.
Pacha ignored him. "Almost… got it!" he grabbed the rope and tugged on it.
Donald smiled widely. "He's got it!" he shouted up to Sora and Riku. Realizing that he had forgotten to consider the extra weight, he pulled with all his might.
"Okay, Pacha. Now grab Kuzco, and we'll pull you both up!" Sora shouted down.
Pacha nodded. He reached down with his other arm to grab Kuzco. Kuzco stumbled and began to fall, screaming. However, Pacha wrapped his arm around the llama's neck and pulled him close.
Riku, Sora and Donald pulled up with all their might. It took a lot of effort, mostly due to the inconvenient positions they were in making it difficult to properly support themselves, but they soon managed to pull Pacha and Kuzco to safety. Once everyone had been brought up to the top of the cliff, they all tumbled over each other in exhaustion.
"Nice teamwork, guys," Riku complimented as soon as he had caught his breath.
"Yeah. That was pretty cool," Sora agreed.
"Well, you know, I couldn't have done it without you, your Majesty," Pacha told Kuzco. Kuzco looked at him, dumbfounded by the sincere compliment. Pacha smiled and stood up. "Now, we really should get moving. Let's… Whoa!" Some of the dirt under his foot gave way and he stumbled.
He nearly fell off of the cliff, but Kuzco bit onto the back of his poncho and pulled him up. Sora and Riku quickly came to their aid. Kuzco was clearly struggling to hold Pacha up. Sora and Riku each wrapped their arms around one of Pacha's and hoisted him up. To be safe, the three of them dragged Pacha a few feet away from the edge.
Kuzco walked over to the edge and watched the rocks fall into the river below. He cheered. "Woo-oo-yeah! Look at me and my bad self! I snatched you," he shouted, pointing at Pacha at that point, "right out of the air!" He turned back to the cliff and adopted a mocking expression. "'Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall and I'm taking you with me.' Well, not today, pal! A-huh! A-huh, a-huh, a-huh!" He strutted in confidence.
Pacha looked at Kuzco with a look of surprise. "You just saved my life," he said.
Kuzco put on a blank expression, trying to treat is as no big deal. "So?"
"I knew it."
"Knew what?"
"That there is some good in you after all."
"Oh, no."
"Admit it!"
"Wrong."
"Yes, there is."
"Nuh-uh."
"Hey, you could have let me fall."
"What's the big deal? Nobody's that heartless!" Kuzco gasped and shut his mouth, realizing that he had said the exact same thing that Pacha had said the previous night, but it was too late.
Riku smiled. "I won't argue on that one," he muttered.
"Yeah, don't read too much into it. It was a one-time thing," Kuzco insisted.
Pacha nodded, not buying it. "Right. Sure." He smiled with pride. "Well, we better get going. With that bridge out, it'll take a four-day walk to get to the palace." He turned and began to walk down a path that went parallel to the cliff.
Kuzco did a double take in Pacha's direction. "What?" he said in disbelief. "You mean you're still taking me back?"
Pacha shrugged. "I shook on it, didn't I?"
Kuzco looked at Sora, Donald and Goofy with a raised eyebrow. "You guys too?"
Sora shrugged. "Hey, we were hoping for a tour of the area, anyway," he answered casually. "And there's no point not helping a guy get back home, right?" Riku nodded, and Donald hesitantly did the same.
Kuzco was taken aback. "Uh, but I hope you realize that doesn't change a thing. I'm still building Kuzcotopia when I get back."
Pacha started walking along the path, not letting Kuzco's claim bother him. "Well, four days is a long time. Who knows? Maybe you'll change your mind."
With that, Kuzco, Sora, Riku, and Donald followed Pacha down the path, taking the long way to the palace.
Yzma's rage-filled screams rang out through the jungle. Mickey, Kairi and Goofy ran away and hid behind a trio of trees. When they were sure they were in the clear, they started laughing.
"Wow, your Majesty. I never would have thought you were such a trickster," Kairi said in between giggles.
Mickey shrugged. "Well, I was plucky and a bit of a troublemaker in my youth," he admitted. "I gave Pete a lot of trouble long before he started doing the same to the rest of us."
Goofy chuckled. "But that was a good joke, convincing all those squirrels to throw their acorns at her," he commended.
"It wasn't too hard; at least one of them already hated Yzma," Mickey replied. "Though, they seemed to like Kronk."
Kairi giggled. "I wish Sora and Riku could have seen that!" A squirrel scurried down the tree trunk and stood on Kairi's shoulder, chattering enthusiastically. "Yeah. That mean old lady really should think before yelling at you, right?" she cooed. The squirrel nodded happily, though this was soon followed by more apologetic chattering. "Huh. He's saying that he told them which way Kuzco and Pacha went. Well, don't worry about it. We were hoping to catch back up with them anyway." The chipmunk chattered some more. "The bridge is out? But everyone made it okay, and they're taking the long way? Thanks, little guy!" The squirrel perked up, glad to have been helpful. He raised his paw for a high-five, which Kairi met with her index finger, then he scurried back up the tree. "Bye, now," Kairi said, waving up to the squirrel. She turned back to Mickey and Goofy, who were staring in bemusement, and grinned. "You know, this animal translation thing the Keyblade gives you is pretty fun. Though, it didn't look like that Kronk guy really needed it."
Goofy tilted his head slightly, but Mickey shrugged it off. "Come one. Let's get ahead of these two and find the others."
Kairi and Goofy nodded in agreement, and they took to a jog through the jungle, making sure not to be spotted by Yzma and Kronk.
Sora, Riku and Donald looked across the diner in utter disbelief. "You know," Riku said, "when I suggested we find a place to stop and eat while we waited for Kairi, Mickey and Goofy, and we saw that sign that said that llamas were not allowed, I thought we would have to leave Kuzco outside and take food to go. I was not expecting… that."
Kuzco and Pacha sat at a booth halfway across the diner, which was known as "Mudka's Meat Hut". As a disguise, Kuzco wore Pacha's poncho and hat, but he also had applied red lipstick and blue eye shadow. With the emperor "sufficiently" disguised as a human woman, the two of them were acting like lovesick newlyweds. Their overly-sweet act seemed to create an awkward atmosphere that would keep people from noticing anything off, but knowing the truth seemed to make things worse for Sora, Riku and Donald. No one had argued when Donald suggested finding the furthest possible table away from them.
"If anything, we could have said we were a bunch of guys on a road trip, and we got separated from some friends, and that would not have raised too many questions," Sora said, agreeing with Riku.
"Ordering! I need two heartburns and a deep-fried doorstop!" the waitress called as she left Kuzco and Pacha's table and headed for the kitchen. Kuzco and Pacha started laughing.
Riku shrugged and raised a menu, hoping to block them from his view. "I guess we should decide on what to eat," he suggested, turning the focus away from the llama and the villager.
Sora nodded and raised his menu. "Hmm… Pill bug? I take it that's the heartburn," he commented. He took a whiff and took in the ambient aroma. "Smells pretty good."
Riku looked at him in surprise. "Wait? You're actually going to eat this stuff without a second thought?" he asked in amazement.
Sora shrugged. "I've been to a lot of worlds with a lot of different cultures. Some of them serve some interesting things as 'food'. If they can make giant pill bugs appetizing, who am I to argue?"
"Well, in that case, put one down for me." Sora, Riku and Donald turned and saw Kairi standing next to Sora. Mickey and Goofy stood behind her.
"Hey! What took you so long?" Sora greeted. He scooted down to make room for Kairi to sit.
"We ran into someone controlling the Heartless," Mickey answered. "And you won't believe who it was."
"Who?" Donald asked.
"Kuzco's advisor, Yzma!" Kairi told them.
"What?!" Sora, Riku and Donald shouted at once, drawing the attention of everyone in the diner. The six of them looked out at the crowd with sheepish grins until they all returned to their usual business.
Kairi opened her mouth to continue, but stopped. She looked back out into the room, then turned back, now wearing a bemused expression. "Is that Kuzco in drag?" she asked. Sora, Riku and Donald nodded. After a few seconds of silence, she shrugged. "I take it he saw the sign?" Again they nodded. After a few more seconds, she shrugged again and said "Okay."
Mickey took the opportunity to continue. "We think she and her assistant Kronk turned him into a llama while trying to poison him," he explained.
Donald tilted his head. "Doesn't sound like they're smart enough to control the Heartless," he commented.
Sora, Riku, Mickey, and Goofy all coughed at the same time, hacking out something that sounded like "Pete" under their breaths.
Donald sighed. "Point taken," he said resignedly.
Meanwhile, the waitress had brought the "special" over, and I was quite disgusted. I mean, who calls this stuff "food"? But Pacha didn't seem to mind. Of course he wouldn't. So, I went back to the kitchen to have a word with the chef. Now that I think about it, no one seemed to notice that I was walking on all fours. Oh, well. Hey, wait a minute! This story's supposed to be about me! You guys should be reading this through my perspective, not some third-person narration about the lamers across the room. Oh, the others made it back. I guess that should probably be… good? I don't really care either way, especially since it's taking time away from me. Urgh, this is worse than that time I screamed and the camera zoomed out until it focused on a chimp eating a bug.
Jiminy poked his head out of Mickey's pocket. "Is it me, or did someone hijack the narration?" he asked.
"Did who what?" Goofy asked, utterly confused by Jiminy's comment.
"It's just that the narrator started to sound a lot more snarky and self-absorbed for a moment," the cricket tried to explain.
"Jiminy, we have no idea what you're talking about," Sora said.
Jiminy shrugged and disappeared back into Mickey's pocket.
"Look," Goofy whispered, pointing toward the door. Yzma and Kronk had entered the diner and taken their seats at a table behind Pacha.
"We've been walking around in circles for who knows how long," Yzma complained. "And those Heartless have been of no help in finding him. That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel! I should have done away with Kuzco myself when I had the chance!"
Pacha, who had up until this point been obliviously eating his dinner, stopped dead and nearly gasped when he heard that. Of course, since he had food in his mouth, he was left having to cough his meal up.
"You've really got to stop beating yourself up about that," Kronk assured his boss. Still frustrated, Yzma bent her fork. "Uh-oh. I'll get you another one there, Yzma." He turned around and tapped a nervous Pacha on the shoulder, causing him to jump. "You using that fork, pal?" Pacha grabbed his fork and held it up for Kronk, looking away quickly as he did so. Kronk raised an eyebrow, as the sweating man seemed to be familiar to him. "Hey, don't I know you?"
"Uh, I don't think so," Pacha answered nervously.
"Wrestled you in high school?" Kronk guessed, taking the fork out of Pacha's hand.
"Don't remember that, no," Pacha said rapidly.
"No? Metal shop?"
"Uh, no…"
Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy watched this exchange occur, curious. "Oh! That must be how Kuzco ended up with Pacha," Kairi whispered. "Kronk was trying to get rid of him and lost him on Pacha's cart."
Mickey's eyes widened. "In that case, we have to get them out of here before Kronk figures out where he's seen Pacha."
"Uh, no, look. I don't think we've ever met, but, I gotta go," Pacha stammered before he stood up and snuck back to the kitchen.
"Don't worry. I'll think of it," Kronk said, waving as Pacha walked away.
"Where is Kuzco, anyway?" Sora asked.
"I think he went to the kitchen," Goofy answered.
Finally. Back to me. Yeah, I was in the kitchen. Thank you very much, a-hyuck. I was just checking with the chef, this huge guy with pretty impressive sideburns, and making sure that the food here actually did fit my reasonable standards.
"Look, all I know is the food looks iffy. All right? And I'm not the only one who thinks that, I'm sure."
Pacha poked his head through the door. "Psst! Hey!" he whisper-called, trying to get Kuzco's attention.
"So, I'm just checking to make sure that you're gonna take the main course up a notch."
Out in the dining area, Yzma looked through the menu. "Is there anything on this menu that is not swimming in gravy?!" she asked aloud in bewilderment.
"Hang on. I'll go ask the chef," Kronk said. He stood up and walked over to the kitchen doors. The six customers who sat in the distant booth gave each other panicked expressions.
"It's a simple question. Is there or is there not anything edible on this menu?" I continued with my reasonable questions voicing my reasonable concerns. However, Pacha grabbed me and dragged me back.
Pacha looked back through the window and gasped, as Kronk was on his way. He pushed Kuzco through the kitchen and into a storage closet. "Hey, I didn't ask about dessert yet!" Kuzco complained.
Kronk entered the kitchen, unaware of anything amiss, and approached the chef. "Hey, pal. What's your policy on making special orders?" he asked.
Even though Kronk meant no trouble, this was the last straw for the chef. "Alright, buster, that's it! You want a special order? Then you make it! I quit!" the chef shouted, taking his hat off and bringing it down on top of Kronk's head. He began to quickly pack his things up into a suitcase. "You know, I try and I try, but there's just no respect for anyone with vision. That's it! There's just nothing I can do about it!" He put a teal hat and marched off.
"Wait a second. Please, don't go," Kronk pleaded, but his words fell on deaf ears.
"Ordering." He turned and saw the waitress, a heavyset elderly woman with pale ginger hair, at a slot window leading out into the dining area. "Three pork combos, extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers…" She rattled off the order in a dry tone.
"No, no…" Kronk tried to explain.
"…A basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day, and a steak cut in the shape of a trout."
Kronk blinked.
"You got all that, honey?" the waitress asked, not changing her tone of voice at all.
Kronk steeled his gaze. "Three oinkers wearing pants, a plate of hot air, a basket of Grandma's breakfast, and change the bull to a gill. Got it," he replied in rapid-fire lingo before he set to work.
In the closet, Pacha struggled to open a tightly-closed window.
"What's going on?" Kuzco asked.
"No time to explain! We gotta get out of here!" Pacha replied, lifting the window open. "Come on!"
"In a minute. I'm still hungry," Kuzco said, not noticing the urgency in Pacha's voice. He walked back out into the kitchen.
Yzma rapped her fingers on the table impatiently. "What is he doing in there?" she asked herself. She got up and made her way to the kitchen. This did nothing to help Sora and friends' nerves.
"Okay, I'll make it simple for you," Kuzco said, not noticing that the chef was a different person, nor that it was Kronk. "I'll have a spinach omelet with wheat toast. Got it?"
"Can do," Kronk replied, not recognizing his boss' old boss' voice.
Pacha tiptoed back into the kitchen as Kuzco walked out into the dining area. At the exact same moment, Yzma entered through the adjacent door, which opened on the same axis as the one that Kuzco went through, so neither of them saw the other. Pacha promptly hid under the chef's table.
"What's taking so long?" Yzma asked.
Kronk approached the slot and rang the bell sitting on the ledge. "Pickup!" he called.
"Kronk, what are you doing?"
"Kinda busy here."
"Why am I not surprised?" Yzma rolled her eyes.
"Yo! Order up!"
Yzma groaned. "Oh well. While you're at it, make me the special. And hold the gravy." She turned and exited the kitchen.
"Check. Pickup!"
Kuzco entered as soon as Yzma exited. "You know what? On second thought, make my omelet a meat pie," he said before leaving again.
"Meat pie. Check."
Pacha crawled out from under the table and ran after Kuzco, but stopped and hid when Yzma entered again. At the same time as Kuzco.
You know what? You get the picture.
"Kronk, can I order the potatoes as a side dish?" Yzma asked.
"I'll have to charge you full price." Kronk began chopping carrots as he said this.
Kuzco: "Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy?"
Kronk: "You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes?"
Yzma: "Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine."
Kronk: "Cheddar spuds coming up."
Kuzco: "Spuds yes, cheese no."
Kronk: "Hold the cheese."
Yzma: "No, I want the cheese."
Kronk: "Cheese it is."
Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy watched this cycle take place with bemusement, which soon turned into amusement. After three cycles, they had difficulty holding in their laughter.
"Well, I guess this buys us some time," Sora said with a chuckle. "We might as well eat."
Right on cue, the waitress appeared. "How may I help you?" she asked dryly.
Sora glanced at his menu again. "I'll have the special."
"Make that two," Kairi added.
"I'll have a catch of the day," Donald said.
"Potato salad, please," Mickey requested.
"Pork combo with onion rings," Riku said.
"I'll also have a pork combo," Goofy finished up.
"Happy to oblige. Ordering!" The waitress took their menus and left.
Riku sniffed the air. "I don't smell any Heartless nearby," he observed. "The only darkness I can detect is coming from her." He pointed at Yzma, who had entertained another trip into the kitchen.
"Okay. So we eat, pay, get Kuzco and Pacha, and get out of here before Yzma finds anything out," Mickey affirmed. Moments later, the waitress brought their meals over.
"Let's see. I saw Pacha open this up to eat," Sora muttered, holding a straw as he studied the giant pill bug. "Now to put my treasure-opening skills to good use." He hit the top of the crustacean with his straw, causing the exoskeleton to unfurl, revealing yellow mush inside.
Kairi laughed. "You're such a goofball!"
Sora shrugged and smiled proudly. "Well, let's dig in."
By the time they had finished eating, Kuzco and Yzma had finished their roulette through the kitchen doors and had sat back down to wait for their meals. Yzma was looking over the menu again when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She moved the menu out of her line of sight and noticed what to her appeared to be a strange-looking woman with a long face wearing a brown cap and a green poncho. She began to study the "woman" curiously.
Sora and Mickey slipped out of the booth and found Pacha coming out of the kitchen door. "Any ideas?" Mickey whispered.
Pacha looked to the side and smirked. He walked over to a waitress and whispered something in his ear, pointing in Yzma's direction.
"No problem, hon. We do that all the time," the waitress said in reply.
Yzma thought there was something vaguely familiar about the woman across from her, but she could not figure out what.
"One, two, three, four!" Yzma turned with a start and yelped in surprise as five waiters stood by her, dancing and singing. One of them held a cake adorned with dozens of candles. "Happy, happy birthday, from all of us to you! We wish it was our birthday so we could party too!"
Pacha ran over to Kuzco and grabbed him, pulling him out the front door. Sora and Mickey left Munny to pay for the meal, then the rest of the party followed them. Goofy ducked back in to leave some more Munny as a tip. He caught a glimpse of the waiters singing for Yzma, who now wore both an enormous sombrero and an enormously peeved grimace.
"Happy, happy birthday. May all your dreams come true! We wish it was our birthday so we could party too!"
Kronk stepped out of the kitchen when he heard the commotion. He chuckled. "It's your birthday?" he asked in amusement, not noticing Yzma's less-than-jovial reaction.
Once everyone was outside, Pacha huddled the group behind a wall. "Is everyone okay?" he asked.
Riku wagged his head lightly back and forth. "Well, it's no Gusteau's, but the food was pretty good," he answered. Sora and Donald looked at him in confusion. He felt embarrassed as he realized what Pacha was referring to. "Oh. You mean with those two. Yeah. We're fine."
"What are you doing?" Kuzco asked in confusion.
"Look, there's two people in there, looking for you," Pacha explained.
"What?"
"A big guy and a skinny old woman," Pacha elaborated.
Kuzco recognized the description. "Wait. Was this woman scary beyond all reason?" he asked.
"Oh, yeah," Pacha agreed with the description.
"Like Dracula's ugly grandmother," Kairi added. Sora, who had seen many things that were scary for pretty good reasons, agreed.
"So old that your brain gets wrinkled," Donald added.
Kuzco's face lit up. "That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!" he cheered.
"Trust me. They're not here to save you," Riku warned.
"They'll take me back to the palace!" Kuzco continued, not heeding the warning. "Thanks for your help. You've been great. I can take it from here."
"No, no, you don't understand. They're trying to kill you!" Pacha explained.
Kuzco scoffed. "Kill me? Their whole world revolves around me." He tried to walk past Pacha to go meet up with Yzma, but Pacha stood in his way.
"No. I can't let you!"
"What?" Kuzco's eyes narrowed. "Oh. Oh, I get it."
"What?" Pacha asked, confused.
"You don't want to take me back to the palace," Kuzco accused, pointing a hoof at Pacha. "You want to keep me stranded out here forever."
"No!" Pacha protested.
"This has all been an act. All of you! And I almost fell for it."
"No. Kuzco, we're trying to help you," Sora said.
"Will you just listen to me—" Pacha pleaded.
"No. You listen to me," Kuzco spat. "All you care about is your… your stupid hilltop."
"What?"
"You don't care about me. Now, just get out of here. Go!"
"But… but…" Pacha stammered.
"Kuzco, don't go down this path," Riku pleaded. "We're on the same side. You're just misunderstanding."
But Kuzco would not listen. "Go on. Get out of here!" he yelled.
Pacha stared in shock. Sora looked back and forth from the despondent Pacha to the angry Kuzco. Kairi reached her hand out as if to try and start explaining. "Fine," Pacha said, catching the others off guard. He started to walk away.
Donald was the first to follow him. Riku regarded Kuzco solemnly, then started walking after them. "Suit yourself," he said.
Mickey was next, reluctantly. "Come on, Pacha. Your family must be worried about you," he consoled the villager. Sora, Kairi and Goofy followed them. Goofy stopped and looked back at Kuzco sadly before continuing.
Kuzco's ear pricked up when he heard the diner's front door open. He turned and saw Yzma and Kronk exit the building. Kuzco took a step to start following after him.
"Oh, this entire mess is your fault," Yzma complained. She ripped the sombrero off of her head and threw it aside.
"What did I do?" Kronk asked.
"If you hadn't mixed up those poisons, Kuzco would be dead now!" Kuzco stopped dead in his tracks. His jaw dropped. Had he heard correctly?
"There'll be no more diversions until we track that llama down and kill him!" Yzma continued. Yep. Kuzco had heard right. He could not believe what he was hearing.
"I said I was sorry," Kronk said. "Can't even let it go, not even on your birthday."
"Now where are those Heartless? Can't get good help even from demonic slaves. Bah! Kuzco must be eliminated! The empire will finally be rid of that useless slug!"
"Well, you got a point. Nobody really cares that he's gone, do they?"
Yzma and Kronk were out of sight, and Kuzco could hear no more of their conversation. Kuzco could not believe it. His most trusted subjects really were out to kill him. Yzma was using the Heartless too? Those were the creatures that had been attacking them all the way up here! And what was that last part? Nobody cared that he was missing or dead? Nobody cared? But… everybody loved him. Right?
Kuzco backed away, staring in horror out into space. Nobody cared. He always thought he was the best thing ever, but nobody cared that he was gone. Could he really have been that heartless? Was he so bad that nobody wanted anything to do with him?
He stopped and realized something. Pacha had been there for him. And Sora, and Riku, and Donald. Mickey, Goofy and Kairi, too. And he had just sent them away. He sent them away so callously.
He turned around and ran in the direction they had gone. "Pacha!" he called. He ran further, but his friends were nowhere in sight. "Pacha?" His run weakened into a halfhearted trot as he realized that they were all gone. He had driven them off. He was all alone.
He moseyed off, sulking, not paying attention to where he was going. He soon wandered into another section of jungle. Eventually, he just gave up on moving and sat down, reflecting on his past attitude. Could it get any worse, he wondered. It immediately started raining, skipping past the first scant drops and going right for a heavy downpour.
Well, you see? This is how I got to my lowest point. I'm the victim here. I didn't do anything, and they ruined my life and took everything I had.
"Will you just give it a rest up there?" Kuzco asked somberly.
What? I'm just telling them what happened… Wait. Did I tell them what happened? Hold on. They didn't see this from the beginning, did they? Ugh, those other guys took away my screen time.
"Hey, they've got their things to show. And I'm starting to wonder if I'm really worth seeing."
Nonono. I'm taking this back to the beginning. They need to see me when I was on top of the world, not this sad load.
"Who you kidding, pal? They already read everything they needed to know. They know what happened."
Well, yeah, but… but…
"Just leave me alone," Kuzco sighed.
In a different, drier corner of the jungle, Kronk slept in the open air while Yzma rested in an extravagant purple tent. Kronk wore striped pajamas and held a teddy bear close to his chest. He woke up with a start when he realized something.
"The peasant at the diner! He didn't pay his check."
Kronk fell back to sleep and snoozed for several more seconds before he awoke once again, realizing something a tad bit more important.
"He's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the crowd with Kuzco on the back of his cart," he muttered to himself. "He must have taken him back to his village, so if we find the village, we find him." He snapped his fingers. "And if we find him, we find Kuzco! Oh, yeah. It's all comin' together." He threw the flaps of Yzma's tent open to tell her what he had figured out.
The sun rose over the trees and illuminated the jungle. Kuzco stood up and wandered out of the trees. He found himself in a llama pasture. Well, this would be a good place to start anew, he thought. He waved nervously to the other llamas, who all glared at him, then turned and walked away, leaving him with fresh feelings of rejection. These were llamas, of all things, and even they knew he was a horrible person. He watched the llamas stop and start eating grass. Kuzco looked down at a clump of grass and decided to give it a go. He leaned down and took a bite, ripping it out of the ground. He chewed and swallowed. It left a bad taste in his mouth.
He heard a familiar voice, causing him to look up. Looking past a group of llamas, he saw Pacha sitting by some more llamas. He seemed to be regaling the story of their journey to them. The others were further back, packing up a tent and… Did Mickey just call a beam of light from the sky to make the tent disappear? Kuzco decided not to worry himself about that.
"You know, call me crazy for following that guy all the way out here," Pacha told the llamas, "but as much as he tries to deny it, I know there's some good in him. Besides, I couldn't just leave him out here all alone. He's a lousy llama. And I mean a really lousy llama." He chuckled.
Kuzco smiled, touched. He walked toward Pacha. Pacha saw Kuzco and smiled back. He stood up and dusted his poncho off. Goofy noticed Kuzco from a distance and waved cheerfully. This let the others know that he was there, and they all offered a similar greeting.
"Hey, listen, Pacha. You know, what I said to you, back at the diner, that… that… I didn't really…" Kuzco stammered, trying to find the words for an apology.
Pacha raised his hand, letting him know that he did not need to say any more. Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy walked toward them.
"So, are you tired of being a llama?" Pacha asked.
Kuzco's eyes watered up. He sniffled briefly. "Yes," he answered.
Sora nodded and held out a scroll. He unrolled it and crouched down so that everyone could see it. It was a map of the mountain region.
"Where did you get that?" Kuzco asked.
"From that big chest over there," Sora replied, nodding his head to the side to indicate where it had been.
"All right, then. We're just gonna stop at my house and get some supplies," Pacha explained. "Then we'll be on our way. If we really hurry, we can make it back to the palace by noon tomorrow. If we really, really hurry, as in a constant sprint, we can make it back by dusk."
Kuzco laughed. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"