PearlM21: I think that is also part of the beauty of Severus – he appears to make us presume that he doesn't care, but deep down, he cares very deeply about the things that truly matter to him.

BlueWater5: If it's one significant flaw of Severus, it would the fact that he is always self-critical, and self-deprecating. Well, at least my post-War version of him is, anyway.

Zeugma412: Thank you so much! You'll definitely get a lot more of that in upcoming chapters. I think, even despite everything, Severus still feels like whatever he did was never enough. At this point in the story, he's feeling very lost within himself and doesn't really know what to do with his life now. He is full of conflict and has difficulty dealing with it. He carries himself as fearless and unbothered, but deep down, he is quite terrified.

"Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it."

― Rabindranath Tagore

CHAPTER 7: Hidden Scars

February 8th, 2002

[Harry Potter]

A surge of hopeful excitement ran through Harry as he received an unexpected letter sent by the Headmistress herself that morning. She had visited Severus several days ago and had asked him in person again to return. The fact that Severus said that he'd eventually consider the offer was definitely not the response he expected to hear. There seemed to be some hope after all, and Harry was eager to find out more.

Better yet, he was eager for his verdict.

Harry knew it was very well a difficult decision for him to make. He knew that Severus was still very passionate about his House and the Slytherins he mentored for years. But underneath the overbearing and snippy demeanor he often showed, he knew he cared about their well-being even if he displayed it in more unconventional ways. There was an obvious fondness there for those students and his drive for them to perform at their best, without cutting corners.

Above all others, Severus had the toughest task of all which was likely Dumbledore's reasoning for employing him as Head of Slytherin in the first place. So many Slytherins belonged to and were affiliated, with Death Eaters. The ones that were not, were always under immense pressure to fit a certain standard of class, skill, and power. Any show of rebellion against them would have been a death sentence for them and their families, thus, Voldemort instilled fear so effortlessly that they felt they had no other choice. The peer pressure was undoubtedly unbearable and Severus would have seen the progression of this from the year of Voldemort's return.

But as with the man's role, all he could do was helplessly watch it all happen. There was simply nothing he could have done for them.

Harry knew that this was a chance to fix years of damage from a House miserably condemned. The Slytherins were no longer influenced by Voldemort himself, but as Ron had said, there were still fanatics out there even if they were not actively seeking to enact violence or terror amongst the wizarding community. Many Slytherins, like Bulstrode, were stuck in the ether and a shadow of what the Slytherin House used to represent. With the House now in limbo, those students felt out of place and shunned by the rest of the wizarding world of Britain, especially. Like Severus had personally experienced and endured, they too, were cast away and looked down upon.

There had to be a change somewhere, and fast. Before more young people took their own lives because they simply could not deal with the pain of isolation and complete guilt. They, too, needed to find their place in the world again and did not deserve to live in fear anymore because of their contribution to the war which affected and ended so many lives.

Perhaps there was something Harry could do for them. Or attempt to, at least. Once he begins the first official term, he would be able to oversee what was going on with them and figure out a way to help. And in all honesty, he had no real clue as to how they would react to Harry Potter of all people, becoming part of the staff and with a careful, watchful eye.

Would they be hostile towards him? He really had no inkling of an idea. He did have to prepare for that scenario just in case they may not be so trusting towards him. Either way, he needed to attempt to gain their trust so he could help them break out of the stigma they had been cursed with for so long and he couldn't ever imagine being a Slytherin during these post-War times. Whatever happens, he would do his utmost best to ensure no student, of either House, struggled alone and was too afraid to reach out. It was time to do better, and Harry wanted nothing more than to work together with Severus on this. It seemed like a monumental task but getting the Slytherins back into a positive drive was a challenge he was willing to put himself through.

It didn't matter if he was a Gryffindor – He did not want the Slytherins falling into the same dark trap again. He had seen the ramifications of that, clear as day. With Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and even Severus himself. No, he truly wanted to help them feel accepted, seen, and understood, with all unnecessary judgment put to rest. All House division aside, they were still students – children – struggling with their identities in a world without Voldemort now. But the fallout was still something that required immediate attention and they desperately needed guidance and help. Slughorn himself couldn't manage them and they needed the only person who truly could.

Harry's list of problems had just doubled but he had a goal, and he was determined to reach it.

After a busy morning with Teddy and Ginny out at the local park for some reprieve, Harry left the pair at home to pay Severus another visit later that afternoon. He had sent Godric with a letter earlier that day to inform him that he'd be stopping by. As much as he tried not to make too much of a habit of it, he was still conscious to give the man some well-needed space. Sometimes it was like walking on eggshells around him, but he stuck to his own personal promise that he'd be there whenever he could. Harry was relieved to find that Severus' own owl, Onyx, had delivered a response accepting the visit soon after.

He made his way to the serene countryside where Severus' house was located. He had found the man a private property after the War's end with help from Kingsley a little further away from Bristol but tucked away in the countryside away from curious Muggles and enough space to enjoy without any accidental intrusions. It was a beautiful and peaceful location surrounded and concealed by trees, and he was lucky enough to have a small lake nearby. Harry had always envisioned little Teddy – or his future children – running around and playing in the spacious hillside and through the impressive hand-raised gardens Severus had an affinity for. Of course, the man didn't have much patience for younger children, and it took him a few years to even meet Lupin junior in the first place.

But the thought was nice to ponder.

For the first few years after the War ended, there were a few times when Harry and Severus would sit by the lake talking for hours until the sun disappeared over the horizon. Harry had missed those conversations and had become more disheartened every time the offer was postponed or rejected by him as time went on. He knew the man was still going through a lot of personal things and Harry respected that, but it was still something he deeply missed. Severus had become more withdrawn as the years went by and it was only now that Harry felt they had so much to catch up on. Once Harry had found this newfound connection with him, he didn't want to lose the relationship they had mended and cultivated since the War's end. The pair of them had placed so much effort into reinforcing it and both fought so hard to keep it going. Harry was determined not to let it crumble and he knew Severus was still grieving and remorseful over the actions which had shaped most of his life.

Severus gave up a large piece of his life to keep Harry safe and alive and Harry was determined to do the same for him, despite the man's protests with it. It was the very least he could do, and it was nice to have somewhat of a pen pal to communicate their days with. Severus felt much like family to him and since Sirius and Remus were no longer alive, he was the closest person to him and with direct connections to his parents, aside from Arthur and Molly of course. Harry wanted to hold onto that as best as he could and he didn't want to lose him, too.

It had been far too close of a call already and seeing Severus at death's door ravaged with a curse left behind in Nagini's wake, broke his heart to see him in such a vulnerable state. They fought too much to fix their pasts and make peace with each other, for it to all slip away so easily. As dismal as those months were, they were the most significant for both Harry and Severus, who were able to finally mend what was broken and fractured from years of unnecessary hate and malice. Now, they were able to put that all aside and see each other for who they truly were. Severus had eventually realized that Harry was nothing like James and had finally learned to see him as his own person. And Harry had learned that Severus was far more than what he appeared on the surface, and he was thankful and even lucky, to have witnessed that rarity within the man who hid himself so shamefully for years.

It was far more than the pair would ever hope for.

Harry finally reached Severus' doorstep and knocked several times. He stood there for more than a few minutes and tried knocking again, but there was no answer. Cautiously pushing the door open, he allowed himself to slip inside, but immediately felt guilty for feeling like an intruder. Severus had placed many magical barriers on his dwelling over time and was constantly reinforcing them. Like Harry, he too was paranoid about the possibility of unwanted invaders or stray Dark Wizards who may still want their heads. But Severus had placed several additional charms only allowing Harry and Minerva inside. He even later adjusted the charms to eventually allow Ginny access if Harry could not be reached. But other than those select three, no one else was allowed inside and he was adamant to keep it that way. Not even the remaining Weasley's were allowed to step foot on his property.

Once Harry entered the house, he shut the door a little too forcefully where the wind carried it back and slammed it shut. Cursing to himself, he wandered around the main rooms on the bottom floor for any sign of the older wizard, but it was far too quiet. He walked slowly past the kitchen and noticed an almost empty bottle of bourbon on the counter beside a glass with some stale remnants of the alcohol inside. Frowning, Harry continued to wander around noticing some dust and cobwebs gather up among the old paintings and corners of the ceilings. The dust in the air tickled his nose, wondering when the last time the place was ever cleaned. Once he had investigated the main rooms and moved past the staircase, he ventured towards the back of the house where he knew Severus' own personal potions lab was located. The door to that room was closed and wincing in anticipation, knocked on the door several times.

There was a clinking of glassware and Harry had heard something drop and shatter to the floor, with an accompanied growl on the other side. Soon enough the door swung open, and Harry found himself with an ebony wand pointed directly at his temple.

Severus, looking slightly flustered, began to lower his wand when he realized who his guest was, "What, in Merlin's name, are you doing here?"

Harry shrugged, "Well, you didn't answer the front door."

"That's usually a sign for the guest to leave."

"Me? Just leave? You must be joking, " Harry couldn't help but smirk, but the older man was clearly not amused, so he dropped his attempt as diffusing the awkwardness, "Besides, I told you I'd stop by. Or did you forget already?"

Waving his hand dismissively, he opened the door all the way to allow Harry access inside. Gratefully accepting the informal invitation, Harry walked into the spacious private potions laboratory and eyed the array of ingredients littered across the main workbench. Two small cauldrons were bubbling on either side, with their ladles charmed to stir automatically. The fumes were strong within the room, even despite the window being slightly ajar, it caused his eyes to water. Swallowing the bitterness emanating from the fumes, he perched himself on the wooden stool beside the bench and watched as Severus grabbed a handful of something in a jar and threw it in the small copper cauldron. The moss green fumes lightened to an aqua hue as Severus tapped the burner underneath with his wand, lowering its flames.

Severus tilted his head slightly and looked at Harry curiously waiting for him to speak, focusing himself mainly on the potions brewing before him. The man had since picked up the grey and beige quill and began to scribble on the half-inked parchment next to the mortar and pestle. The scratch of the quill on paper amidst the sounds of bubbling brews, caused Harry to feel somewhat lost in the quietness between them both.

Feeling slightly nervous at the new silence, Harry cleared his throat and perked himself up, "So, ah…Teddy recited almost half of the entire alphabet to me yesterday. Actually, he sang it. Too bad neither me or Ginny are musically inclined, although I have to make sure he doesn't get a hold of George's Voice Amplifying Chocolate Drops."

"He hasn't drawn all over the walls yet?" Severus drawled, without taking his eyes off the cauldron in front of him.

Harry laughed as he shook his head, "No he hasn't actually. He's well-behaved. Although, he's only cheeky and playful when I'm around and not so much when Ginny is. I think she has the same warning glare as Molly, which can be rather scary sometimes."

"At least one of you has the means to discipline. You're a terrible influence."

Harry dropped his jaw, almost comically, "Hey, I am not! Well, okay, I wasn't the best role model back then…But I just want him to be happy and comfortable."

"Hmm."

"Sir – "

" – I know you're here to ask. I'm not an idiot."

"I never said you were, " Harry responded, taken slightly aback by the man's sudden snappy retort, "When Professor McGonagall told me you'd consider the offer, it – well – It had me hopeful."

Severus placed the quill down within its holder and sharply turned to face Harry, "It shouldn't. It is my decision to make, and I will take my time to ensure I make the correct one."

"I-I know - " Harry began to adjust the edge of his jumper in his bid to occupy himself and avoid staring into the man's piercing gaze. He was nervous – he knew that much, "I just wanted to make it easier for you. Somehow."

Severus curled his lip, obviously irritated, "Being persistent does not help matters and I have reinforced that notion with Minerva much the same. You Gryffindors simply refuse to listen. I have a lot to contemplate, and I cannot just flip a bloody coin to get my answer."

Harry sighed, looking up at the man searching for some mode of understanding, but he knew that he still needed time. Instead, something else was bothering him, "Forgive me for asking, sir. But…Does it have anything to do with what Rita Skeeter published? About you?"

"I'm hardly fazed by the ramblings of a daft pathological liar, " Severus responded, dryly.

"Could have fooled me, sir."

"I care not about what she thinks!" Severus snapped, as Harry noticed him curling his fist at his side.

But Harry remained calm and passive, despite the obvious anger bubbling within the older man. Over the years, he had learned to be reasonable and not allow his own anger to dictate his actions because he knew full well the disastrous outcomes that could arise from it, "I really think you do care, though. Her book essentially cost you your job. Is that why you've locked yourself away again since it was released? You know most of what she says is a lie and she exaggerated and blew every one of your mistakes out of proportion. McGonagall and I tried to stop it…"

Severus looked away briefly in his bid to settle his nerves and closed his eyes gently, leaning back against the workbench, "I'm tired of fighting against the public, Harry. You of all people should know this."

"Then keep fighting it."

Severus snapped his attention back to Harry.

Harry continued, "Fight against her words…Prove to them that you are not the criminal they think you are."

Severus winced, looking slightly deranged, "This isn't some petty schoolyard enmity!"

"No, it isn't, but this your life being tainted by her…Take up Professor McGonagall's offer. Prove to everyone that you are not the person you were."

The older man shook his head vehemently and Harry watched as his breathing became shallow, "I do not think it is wise to subject myself to that again. I could barely endure it before and proving myself is such a childish concept. Especially now. What good would that ever do?"

Harry placed his hands gently on the workbench and leaned closer to the obviously distressed man. He was careful to lower his voice, "Consider taking the NEWT years as the Headmistress suggested. You don't have to work yourself to the ground anymore. Things are different now. Surely you heard about Bulstrode?"

Severus looked saddened by the mention of his ex-student, "Yes…I heard."

"Severus, we can help them. All of them. Let's help rebuild Hogwarts in a positive way. We can guide our Houses equally and finally put a proper end to this stupid prejudice rubbish which has ruined lives and broken apart families and friendships, " Harry sighed, exasperatedly, "I'm going back, even despite Tom turning me to a cursed pincushion every year. I was also there watching students fight and die for the cause. The idea of going back scares me, too."

Severus exhaled gently, "I have far more history there. You're far stronger than I am to even pursue it so easily."

"Easily? No - " Harry shook his head, as his shoulders slumped helplessly, " - I just can't do this by myself."

Severus' face relaxed at the statement, knowing full well he was speaking the truth. He hesitated at first, but soon lowered his voice in a slightly warning tone, "I told you I'd consider the offer. I will not hear it again from either of you, and I require adequate time to come to a concrete decision. Respect that much, Harry."

"Alright, okay. Fine…I won't mention it again, " Harry clenched his jaw, wishing the man wasn't so shaken every time he brought it up. He just really needed to know and could only hope he didn't have to wait so long for an official answer. Harry only wanted to make the decision easier for him to make. Swallowing back the bitterness, his gaze drifted to the bubbling cauldrons in front of him, "…So, what is this you've been working on?"

Severus paused as if to consider something. He seemed torn and perhaps not comfortable divulging such information. Harry noted the obvious conflict within the man's expression but was relieved when Severus nodded responsively instead, "This may possibly pique your interest. Upon the completion of the ritual and what the third stage appeared to have brought forth, I've been attempting to replicate the final potion to a much safer variant. From my observations and of course personal experience, it so happens that any trauma inflicted on the mind can cause memory lapses, most severe. It is our body's way of protecting itself from the triggers that could cause quite disastrous effects. Furthermore, these traumatic responses alter the brain, causing us to forget certain aspects of our lives that may initiate further damage once remembered. Of course, not all suppressed memories are hazardous. Some, as I had uncovered, were cathartic in a sense. This potion, as my latest project, will hopefully allow us to uncover further memories. Preferably good ones, because I'm sure we can both agree that we do not need the additional grief the terrible ones have inflicted."

"You've been working on it all this time? Wow, sir, " Harry was undoubtedly surprised, "I never thought you wanted anything to do with the ritual again."

Severus exhaled deeply, "I don't. Admittedly during my recent periods of solitude, I did draw some inspiration from it. That last potion was intriguing, to say the least and if I can get it to work correctly, then perhaps, it may benefit us all."

Harry couldn't help but smile at the thought, "I really like the sound of that…" His smile then soon faded as he realized something else, "…But how do we know it won't uncover the bad ones?"

"The potion is still in its experimental stages and far from completion."

Frowning, Harry questioned, "Then how are you testing it?"

Severus raised his eyebrow, as he glowered in return allowing the pause to linger a little longer, "…How else?"

Harry shook his head, feeling his glasses slip slightly from the bridge of his nose, "Oh no, Severus, you shouldn't."

"I can handle it. It cannot be worse than what I do happen to remember, " Tiredly, Severus soon lowered himself into the wooden stool beside Harry.

"Just please be careful with it, " Harry pleaded, not particularly thrilled with the idea of it. Especially testing something so new and delicate was unpredictable. Even on a man like Severus, "I guess that explains the alcohol in your kitchen?"

Severus was confused for a moment, until his frown deepened as if he just remembered something, "You're far too nosey for your own good."

"Well, you told me you would stay away from it."

"Small doses are not a death sentence."

"Well, considering I saw an empty bottle of firewhiskey here the other day, it doesn't seem to classify as a small dose, " Harry said, sarcastically, earning a venomous look of warning from the man.

"Will you stop judging me in my own home?!" Severus growled under his breath, "You and Minerva have the audacity to step foot in here and scrutinize the way I live."

"I'm not judging just…Never mind. Forget I said anything, " Now it was Harry's turn to look away a little angrily, feeling his chest burning with frustration. Severus was just not comprehending Harry's concerns, as much as he tried to delicately convey them. Severus didn't quite understand how truly worried Harry was about it, and it was a clear problem that should not go unnoticed.

The older man was silent for a moment in his feeble attempt to compose himself, "You have better things to do with your time than a visit to appease your pity upon me."

Harry shook his head with a deep scowl, "That's not true and you know it. Stop deflecting me with your sardonic quips. I'm allowed to be genuinely worried."

"Then don't, " Severus responded strongly with his deep baritone voice. He was firm in his response and Harry knew he was growing even more frustrated with him.

Harry opened his mouth to respond again, but it was no use. They were both bull-headed and over the years Harry had learned not to snap back all of the time as much as Severus appeared to push all the wrong buttons. They still had their moments where they clashed, but they were slowly learning to grasp each other's worst traits and behavior, and carefully maneuver around them. Harry sighed and looked up at Severus, "Do you take the elixir as well? Or is it just me you are brewing for?"

Severus pursed his lips, "I use it very rarely. As with experimenting on this particular brew, I must limit its usage for fear of counteracting it and producing disastrous effects. Testing potions require complete medicinal isolation."

"I just figured it could help, " Harry suggested.

"The elixir's purpose was not to erase those nightmares. It was to help relax your mind for better sleep. It is a sleep and mind aid, nothing more. A stronger calming draught if you will. Better sleep can decrease the nightmares' frequency but never erase. Here I foolishly assumed you comprehended that when I enlisted it to you."

"I know, and you did, but – " Harry looked away, disheartened, " - I don't know how long I can keep this up. These nightmares are eating me alive, sir."

"That, I cannot help you with. But I will tell you this – I understand."

"You still have them often too, don't you?" Harry said worriedly, looking back at the man. They were able to lock eyes for a brief moment and both pairs seemed to display the same aching sadness they were all too familiar with. The same terrible memories that would forever haunt their days. Harry very well knew the answer.

Severus lowered his voice, almost to a whisper, "Why be so ignorant to assume I didn't?"

"You're right, sorry. I just – You just always seem like you're always in control of it. I suppose Occlumency can do that?"

"I cannot utilize Occlumency during sleep, Harry. That is a skill for the waking state. The nightmares, I deal with on my own."

"…How? How do you do it? I'm kind of at wit's end, here."

The man studied Harry's expression carefully for a few moments. Harry was desperate for another way, and he was sure Severus could see that. But Severus looked away briefly to eye the simmering cauldron beside him but found difficulty in meeting Harry's desperate gaze. He kept his focus elsewhere, "Nightmares cannot always be dealt with. The only option is to simply endure. Potions and meditative methods can only work so far. They are a subconscious we cannot always deal with directly and they are in fact, hidden disturbances of our past, manifested from our grief and pain. No matter how many times we try and confront them, they are always there."

"So, we are both doomed to suffer, then?" Harry said, rather miserably.

"I'd prefer not to answer that, " Severus paused briefly, until a small smirk twitched at his thinned lips, turning back to him again, "Unless you finally do prefer my sardonic quips."

"Very funny, Severus, " Harry shot the man a less than impressed glare, before he continued his next train of thought, "Have you ever considered, oh I dunno, removing the bad memories? Store them away in the Pensieve, like Dumbledore used to do?"

Severus shook his head slightly, "He never stored only bad memories. The crucial ones that no one else should see? Yes, indeed. Even from me. The wretched ones, however, he suffered with them like the rest of us and endured every ounce of them no matter how undeniably heavy they were. Regardless, I've considered it, previously."

"And?"

"Clearly I made the decision not to. Taking them away erases a part of who I am, and I keep those memories as a reminder of why I'm still here, " Severus' head jerked uncomfortably towards Harry, but kept his eyes averted, "…For better or worse."

Harry lowered his head, thoughtfully, "I suppose that's a good way of looking at it. I guess we don't really realize until later, how much they change us. We just never know it at the time."

Severus paused for a moment, "Erasing memories with loved ones would be, in my humble opinion, an insult to their memory. No matter how painful they may be, erasing it essentially erases them. Especially if they are no longer with us."

Harry couldn't help but smile sadly, "That's a nice sentiment, sir."

"They should not be forgotten, and thus, it's not worth removing memories for it, " Severus' voice trailed for a moment, before briefly closing his heavy, weary eyes, "I'd rather still suffer from my guilt if that means I can still remember them, somehow vaguely."

Harry took a careful glance at the man, treading carefully around this conversation he didn't want to back out from just yet. These were the types of conversations they could both share and connect with. Unfortunately, Harry couldn't quite have these types of delicate conversations with anyone else because they simply would never be able to understand, "...You still feel guilty?"

"Not a day goes by where I don't. You also, as it appears, " The man spoke in a tone so soft, he could barely hear his voice. It was somewhat assuring to know that someone recognized it within him, even when his own words could not truly express it. He was tired of trying to explain it to others, and he was grateful that with Severus, he didn't have to.

"More than I'm comfortable to admit. Which is why I'm still having nightmares about those who died and things that went wrong. Still as vivid as ever, like we just lost them yesterday - " Harry took in a deep shaky breath and he looked towards his now trembling hands which oddly did not feel like his own, " - I even have nightmares of losing Ginny again, but she doesn't know that. To her, I'm still seeing Cedric and Sirius, and Fred and Remus, which is still true, but..."

"…It needs no further explanation, " Severus responded, gently. There was another silence between the pair, as Severus' weary gaze met Harry's again. His expression was somber and slightly distant, almost nostalgic, "Remember that night at the Misty Dell and I disclosed to you what had taken place there? For what I witnessed and what I took part in, still haunts me even now. And that was decades ago, " The man clenched his jaw, stiffly, "Harry, I cannot make it better, but I can tell you this - Hold on to what you have and never forget how far you've come."

Harry gave a small smile, "Is that advice for me, or for you?"

Severus hesitated at the somewhat cheeky deflection, "Harry, you have a family now - Keep them close. And now it's time for you to go to them. You don't need any more of my miserable company."

"Sir - "

" - Now, Potter. Before I ban you from returning."

Admitting defeat and a sign that Harry had outstayed his visit by the now-scarce use of his surname, he slid off the chair and turned back towards Severus who remained seated and seemingly staring off into space, "Alright, alright, I'm going. Just, please, take care, " Harry turned to leave, but soon heard a shuffle of shoes upon the wooden floorboards behind him.

The older man had finally risen from his seat and placed a single hand upon his workbench to steady himself, "…Harry?"

"Yes, sir?"

"...I really do appreciate the visit, " Severus' face soon turned serious, "Just don't make it a habit."

Harry smiled warmly, "See you, Severus."

Soon departing, he left the man with his own thoughts, hoping that at least the company would have done some measure of good.

February 9th, 2002

The following afternoon, Andromeda and Teddy had stopped by their house for their scheduled visit, arriving with a large overnight bag filled with the child's things.

After Andromeda had expressed feeling a little unwell earlier that week, Harry had suspected she just needed a little bit of a break, so he volunteered to look after his Godson for several days. She arrived at the Potter's home looking a few shades paler than he had last seen. The once fitted grey coat she often wore, seemed like a size too big and he didn't remember it once hanging off from her body as it did. She usually arrived wearing light makeup, but this time she did not bother with it at all, and no charm could mask the obvious exhaustion that stretched upon her pallid features.

"So…Narcissa sent me an owl a few days ago, " Andromeda shrugged, as she sat in the kitchen holding a hot mug of coffee close to her chest.

Harry blinked, unsure if he heard correctly, "…She did what?"

Andromeda looked just as bewildered, "Yes, I had the same reaction."

Crinkling his eyebrows, he struggled to find the find words, "Was this about seeing you at Diagon Alley that day?"

The woman nodded, "Indeed. It was quite a shock when I had it delivered to me. I almost didn't recognize her handwriting."

There was a small silence in between them and yet they both knew what the next delicate question would be, "…What do you plan on doing about it?"

Andromeda gave a small laugh, "I haven't really thought about it. Merlin, where do I even start? A part of me wants to tell her to bugger off, but the other is simply wanting to hear what she has to say."

Harry nodded, understandably, unsure of how to reassure her. Because at the end of the day, it was the woman's decision upon how to approach an estranged sister broken apart by heavy prejudice and unrealistic expectations of her as a Black. Being cast away and shunned by her family during Andromeda's decision to elope to a Muggleborn, was almost petty. But through her own peace of mind, she made the decision to accept that fate, essentially protecting her from the hate and bigotry of Voldemort's later influence on their family.

She got lucky in that regard. Voldemort could have easily warped her and her family to their ways.

"I don't know what I'm thinking, to be honest, " Andromeda soon took another sip from her mug, as she picked up a small macadamia cookie baked by Molly from the plate between them and began to nibble on its edge a little nervously.

"Maybe you're waiting for an apology of sorts? Not that it's going to solve anything."

"Hmm, I do not know. Perhaps…Oh, hell…, " Andromeda looked away, rather dismally, "Maybe I am just curious if she ever felt guilty for it all. If she doesn't, then I know at least I'll have my true answer and I can stop remaining within two minds about it. The pondering alone is driving me mad."

"Don't feel bad if you turn away from her again, Andy, " Harry reassured, feeling a little emotionally inadequate to provide any advice whatsoever. All he could think about was his cousin Dudley and their last encounter before they were sent off for their safety. Even still to this day, he wasn't sure if could ever forgive his cousin. Forgiveness, as he has so learned in the past, was extremely complicated, "This must be really difficult for you."

The woman's lips thinned, "I know I won't feel bad – I am glad my choice to stay away from the family remained on my own accord."

"Well, blood doesn't always make family."

"Of course, Harry. You're right. But still…The familial feelings are still there. I was closer to Cissy in childhood than I was with Bella, you know, " Andromeda smiled thoughtfully to herself, "I always used to allow Cissy to borrow my clothes because I trusted only her to return them. Bella never used to. Oh dear, perhaps that's why she lost the plot…"

Harry gave a light snort, unsure if that was a poor attempt at a joke, "Surely not?"

"I'm kidding, Harry!" Andromeda gave a coy smirk, "It was the Lestrange's that warped her mind and turned her psychotic. Her obsession with the Dark Arts pushed her deeper into that wretched madness. That was her family, not us. Not her own blood. In fact, I doubt she cared much for Narcissa as a sister rather than as a pawn in her sick agenda."

"In the end, it's always a choice, " Harry said.

"Yes, quite right – " Andromeda glanced away a little sadly until she rose slowly from her chair. She swayed slightly and Harry watched as she took hold of the back of the chair. The woman's face drained of color.

Concerned, Harry stood up and leaned forward, about to steady her, "A-are you okay?"

She waved her hand dismissively, "Yes, yes, I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping much at all."

"Are you sure? Shall I Apparate you home?"

"I'll be alright, thank you. I just need ample rest, " Andromeda picked up her small dark red handbag and smiled gratefully in return, "Thank you for taking Teddy for a few days."

"Of course, anytime, " Harry responded, but he refused to take his eyes off her for fear of her keeling over suddenly, "We are more than happy to keep him here for as long as you need."

Andromeda raised her head towards the sitting room, where Ginny was sitting with Teddy on the rug and helping the child put together an awfully complicated puzzle. Pieces of the vividly colored puzzle were scattered all over the floor and Harry was almost certain there were pieces missing. Smirking to himself, he knew Ginny would find that frustrating when she eventually realized it because he himself ran into that conundrum last time they attempted it.

Both Harry and Andromeda walked over to the other room, and the older woman outstretched her arms as she lowered herself to kneel on the floor, "I'll see you later Teddy!"

"Gramma!" Immediately as if on cue, Teddy picked himself up from the floor beside Ginny and bounded towards his grandmother, leaping into her embrace.

The child grappled hold of her and Andromeda enveloped him into a long, comfortable hug. The child's hair turned a soft sky blue, "I love you, sweetheart. You be a good boy for Harry and Ginny, alright? I'll pick you up in a few days."

"Oh-kay!" Teddy wriggled his nose, "Not too long!"

"Hey, we can't be that bad!" Harry grinned at the remark.

Teddy turned to Harry and scrunched up his face quite adorably, "But you're not Gramma!"

Ginny laughed, "He's not wrong."

Andromeda smiled as she tenderly smoothed over the child's unruly hair, "Alright, I'll be as quick as I can."

Teddy waved his little hands at his grandmother, as she turned to leave.

"Okay Ted, help me with this puzzle. I'm terrible at them – " Ginny waved for Teddy to sit back down beside her, and the child did so without protest, grabbing fistfuls of puzzle pieces once he found a spot.

Meanwhile, Harry walked the older woman to the front door to see her off, remaining out of earshot from the others, "He'll be fine with us. Take as much time as you need. By the looks of it, a little longer than planned."

Andromeda gave a tired smile, as she nodded, "We shall see. I have a busy week ahead, but I will try and sort myself out in the meantime."

"If you need anything, please contact me, or Ginny – "

" – I have it handled, Harry, " Andromeda leaned over to give Harry a quick hug, "Again, thank you."

"It's not a problem for us, Andy. And I'll try not to let him stay up too late and keep his feet warm, and no sweets after six, and I'll make sure he brushes his teeth before bed."

The woman gave an amused chuckle, "It'll be a miracle if he brushes his teeth without being told. I barely had the energy to chase him around the house with a toothpaste trail over the floor, the other day. The little imp thought it was game."

Harry laughed, feeling his cheeks redden as he knew he was the usual culprit for the child's playful manner, "Maybe I can get Ginny to use her mum voice."

"Let me know how that goes because it certainly does not work in my favor, " Andromeda grinned, flicking a few brunette locks away from her face, "Anyways, I will see you in a few days. Otherwise, I'll owl you for updates."

Harry waved goodbye and watched as the woman stepped outside and hastily closed the door behind her. He felt a bitter chill down his spine from the blast of cold air and gradually made his way to the warm fire-lit sitting room where he sat down on the other side of Teddy. He eyed the hundreds of puzzle pieces all over the floor, "Blimey…"

"Yeah, blimey, alright, " Ginny grimaced, "I was more than prepared for a twenty-piece puzzle but…five hundred?!"

"At least it'll keep him occupied for a while, " Harry picked up a piece beside Teddy's snitch-printed socks and handed it to the child, "Here's a red one for the edge over there…"

Wordlessly, Teddy took the piece and crawled over to the puzzle's edge where there were already five pieces connected. Harry and Ginny watched in amusement as he fumbled with the piece in his effort to turn it the right way. The child frowned in deep concentration, determined to fit the piece himself.

Ginny soon turned to Harry, lowering her voice so Teddy would not hear, "…Is she alright? She seemed a bit odd this time around."

"I don't know, " Harry sighed, "She looked exhausted, so I think the break will do her good."

"I always say she's overworking herself. I really don't know how she does it."

Harry shrugged hopelessly, "I've told her many times before she is more than welcome to leave Teddy with us for longer. I mean, I don't mind and your Quidditch season is over for now."

"She's quite obviously run-down – " Ginny bit her lip, " – Hey, I heard from Luna earlier today. She won't be down for her birthday this year. She's spending that time with that Scamander fellow, which she still hasn't introduced to us yet."

"How do you know they are even dating? They could be just friends."

"Maybe. Or maybe she doesn't want to tell us she found another like-minded oddball. I mean, Luna is unapologetically herself. It takes a special person out there to acknowledge that and I really do hope she found that with him."

"I just don't see her settling down anytime soon. She and Ron seemed to have an affinity for worldly travel."

Ginny smirked, "And you quite obviously don't."

"Well, " Harry cleared his throat, "What can I say? I like to stay on familiar ground."

"Fair enough, " Ginny smiled, teasingly, "No trekking through the Amazon rainforest? Or swimming in the Great Barrier Reef? Or walking the length of the Great Wall of China?"

Harry shook his head, clearly finding the locations unappealing, "Not particularly, no."

"Buzzkill, " Ginny laughed.

"Look, after I had to essentially go into hiding that year for months, the thought of staying close to home is far more welcoming than venturing back into unfamiliar territory. If I find myself lost within another forest or cave again, I'm going to lose it."

"Oh, I know Harry. I was just teasing you, " Ginny smiled warmly, "I get it, though."

"Besides, traveling to watch you play is good enough for me – "

" – Bloody hell!" Harry and Ginny gasped in horror when their attention spun to the child at the words that came out from Teddy in his frustration with the puzzle piece. The child's hair now became a deep red.

Harry opened his mouth in surprise, "Woah, Teddy! Don't say that."

"But…But you say it."

"I know kid, but…You're too young to use words like those."

Harry hung his head. Whoops.

Ginny placed her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the grin behind it "…I think we better keep those words to a minimum. Mum's going to have a right fit if she discovers our godchild has a bit of a potty-mouth."

"Yeah, even I don't think I could bear that lecture, " Harry winced, turning to the child who was completely nonchalant about the slip-up, "Right, Teddy, let's go make dinner! We can go back to the puzzle later."

Harry climbed up onto his feet, extending his hand to Ginny and helping her up onto hers. The three of them made their way into the kitchen where they spent the following hour making pasta with Teddy eager to help. After they shared their meal and Harry was able to finally get Teddy to brush his teeth and get him into his pajamas, Harry began to tuck the child into bed.

Teddy, in his red and blue pajamas, snuggled into bed clutching his owl plushie tightly by his side. Harry had to perform a cleaning spell earlier to remove the remnants of the tomato sauce from their meal during Teddy's bid to feed the inanimate object again. With the owl looking close to new, Harry tucked them both within the thick blankets and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Can you tell me more about mommy and daddy?" Teddy asked, out of the blue.

A breath caught in Harry's throat, hoping that he could satisfy the child with somewhat of an answer.

When Teddy would stay over for the night, it was either a mix between Harry telling him some Muggle fairytale stories or the child would ask about his parents. Most of the time, Harry would tell him of his time with them which seemed to satisfy the child enough to allow him to sleep peacefully. But the child was at times left saddened for parents he would never be able to meet.

This always hurt Harry deeply as he knew exactly what that felt like when he was a young child. He was, by some sheer strange luck, grateful to have been given the chance to. He had many an argument with Ginny when he was tempted to use the Resurrection Stone again and was incredibly lucky for Ginny to remain the most logical of the two. He knew deep down that it could very well make things worse for such a young child and would likely enable a painful longing that would forever tear a hole within his little heart. Harry could not bear to do that to him, and Ginny was right in forbidding it. The Stone should not be allowed to be used with children. Like the Mirror of Erised and the story of the Three Brothers, the magical artifact would drive a person mad with longing and desire. For an almost-four-year-old, it was merely cruel to tempt him with such hope and then have it painfully taken away from him.

So, Harry had stuck to stories and recalled memories and that was the best he could do for the child who lost both of his parents in a War that fought for his very future.

Harry shuffled on his perch on the side of the bed, mentally preparing himself for the tough array of questions, "What would you like to know?"

Teddy scrunched up his face for a moment as if to be in deep thought, "Hmmm. What did mommy do?"

"For work? Your mum was an Auror."

"What is an Ar…Erm, Or…" Teddy struggled for the words until he grumbled under his breath. Harry smiled proudly at the child's attempt to pronounce it.

Harry gave a light chuckle, as he tried to sound it out for the child, "Au-ror. It's a tricky word."

"What does that mean?"

"An Auror is a person who catches bad wizards. They make the world safer, " Harry explained, as simply as possible.

"Did she catch lots of bad wizards?"

"Yeah, she did, " Harry smiled fondly, "She was one of the best."

"Mummy's gone now, " Teddy hugged his owl tighter, blinking up at Harry with his large blue-grey eyes, "Does that mean there are still bad wizards here?"

"Well…Your mum wasn't the only Auror. There are many, like Uncle Ron, who help catch them too. They are very good at their job."

"To keep us safe?"

Harry nodded, "Yeah. To keep all of us safe."

Teddy bit his lip, "But she couldn't keep daddy safe…Or grampa."

Harry tried desperately to quell the tears slowly forming in his eyes. He did not like where this conversation was going, "They fought to keep us all safe."

"I wish they were here instead, " The child said slowly, almost in a mumble.

"I know, Ted. They…They helped to save us. They sacrificed their lives to keep the bad wizards away. They gave their lives so we can live and carry on in their memory."

"Oh, " Teddy scrunched up his face again, but Harry knew he wasn't quite ready to fully grasp that concept yet. He knew he didn't fully understand, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to the child. Talking about Remus and Tonks, as with the others, was painful enough to relive. Worst yet, the child would not be able to comprehend the concept of war and the true horrors of it.

Harry could only feel more guilty for not doing more to save them and keep them out of harm's way. But he knew whatever he tried, Remus and Tonks would never accept that. The pair would never volunteer to sit idly by, and Harry was both empowered and angry with that decision. They fought never knowing if they'd ever return to their newborn son and that cut through Harry's heart like a hot knife. Teddy needed his own parents and as much Harry tried to be one to him, it would simply never be enough. Whatever he tried, he was not the child's father although he was the closest to one that he may ever have.

In all honesty, Harry had no idea how to be a father. How do you console and tell a young child that they'd never be able to see their parents? That they died in the most brutal of Wars, in a frantic bid to end it. How do you tell a child that they chose to go to war, leaving their newborn behind? It was cruel and although Harry understood why Remus and Tonks did it, one of them should have stayed behind. One of them should be here at the very least. But Teddy did not deserve to be without one at all. An innocent child just wanted his parents. They should be here tucking their child into bed, not Harry whilst telling him that his parents had died in a war he could not prevent sooner. He was wretched with the thought of it.

It hurt him deeply because he understood from the child's perspective.

Harry was scared – both he and Andromeda tried their best to raise him with love and patience, but the longing of lost loved ones made it unbearable at times. Although Harry was always tempted to use the Stone to bring either of his parents to his side, he couldn't be so cruel to use that and then suddenly have his parents ripped away again. And Harry knew now, as an adult, the ramifications of that and understood it due to his own experiences.

The Resurrection Stone was indeed dangerous.

Leaning forward, he gently kissed Teddy on the forehead and pulled the blankets up over the child's shoulders. Teddy snuggled with his owl and as soon as he drifted off to sleep, Harry quietly slipped out of the child's room and brushed away a single tear as he went.

…Remus…Tonks…You should be here with him, not me…I just…I don't know if I'm the right person for this…

Grabbing the elixir off the side table, he gave himself four drops and slipped into bed in order to try and settle down his racing mind. He curled up and waited for Ginny to join him, making sure to dry his heavy eyes before she even noticed.