PearlM21: Severus needs a wake-up call, and he's about to realize a lot of things very soon.

BlueWater5: Andromeda wants to keep him safe at all costs and not draw attention to himself. Like many others, she is wary of possible dangers. Everyone is still a little paranoid after the War.

A5mia: Thank you so much for your feedback. I really do appreciate your time to write it. Dawn is/will be a very prominent character to this story, so I felt it important that readers get an idea of what she looks like. In saying that, yes, you will get an alternative description…-wink- :)

Authors notes: Upcoming heavy chapter. An emotionally tough one to write.

"Conversation is everything. Sometimes that's all you need to pull you out of the darkness. Someone who's willing to listen. Someone who's willing to stay, no matter how late it gets. Deep people with deep hearts and deep thoughts can sometimes save your life. They can sometimes save you from yourself."

– R. M. Drake

CHAPTER 14: Treacle Tarts & Peppermint Tea

March 31st, 2002

[Harry Potter]

Harry struggled to mentally brace himself for the day ahead.

Upon usually and playfully bantering with Ginny in regard to her family, Harry knew personally that he had a tough day yet to endure, and he could feel it within his bones. However, being Easter Sunday there were more guests than that of the Weasley family and he couldn't help but feel slightly out of his depth. The Grangers were expected to be there, along with Luna and her father. Angelina and Fleurs' parents were making the effort, along with Percy and his new girlfriend, Audrey.

Molly definitely wasn't kidding when she intended to invite absolutely everyone. But he was never ready to face people, no matter how long it's been.

They arrived at the Burrow around lunchtime, when immediately, the smell of roasted lamb filled his nostrils. Andromeda, Molly, and Angelina were busy in the kitchen, with Fleur chatting to the Grangers in the living room. Outside, Arthur was setting up the tent with Ron, George, Bill, and Charlie, with Xenophilius and the Delacour's assisting as well. Luna was spotted chatting to one of the garden gnomes. Teddy was playing outside with a charmed quaffle toy, which was whizzing around in the air just beyond the child's grasp accompanied by Neville and Hannah. Occasionally Neville will run for the ball, but it was charmed to only react to children. The curious ball would hit Neville on the side of the head, causing Teddy to erupt in infectious giggles.

Another one of George's creations, no doubt.

Hagrid and Fang were tending to the gardens, making sure the garden gnomes did not disrupt the Easter lunch. Harry had since greeted him with a friendly hug and made sure he gave Fang a little attention, who was bounding excitedly around him. Harry could tell the dog was getting older, and his movements weren't as energetic as they used to be. The thought of Hagrid looking for an additional furry friend was quite an endearing thing to ponder.

Once Harry had finished helping Arthur with the set-up, he sought out Hermione and Ron who were sitting out in the gloriously sunny day, on the white bench in front of a garden of sunflowers. The pair were curled up together, with Ron rubbing circles on her shoulders.

Harry smiled as he joined his friends, planting himself on the empty chair beside Ron, "I'm surprised you both managed to get the entire weekend off together."

Ron chuckled, "We still can't believe it either."

"Kingsley insisted we did, " Hermione said, amusingly, "After realising I couldn't exactly argue with the Minister himself, I gave in."

"And Rowan forced me to take a short leave, considering it's school holidays and Dawn will be available, " Ron shrugged, "Well, I can't complain with that. The break will be good, I suppose."

"I hope work hasn't been too stressful for you, Ron, " Harry asked, feeling thankful he didn't have to deal with that.

"Nah. It's been alright. Nothing major, really, " Ron shook his head, but something about the way his friend said it appeared to bother him.

Hermione shifted slightly uncomfortably in her seat and turned her attention back to Harry, "I see Andromeda is looking a little better. She looked absolutely dreadful yesterday."

Although Harry wasn't entirely convinced of that, he merely shrugged, "She's been having those episodes for a while now and I didn't think much of it at the time."

"Perhaps she should see a Healer, " Hermione suggested, crinkling her brows in worry, "If it's been happening frequently, it might be best she gets it looked at."

Harry exhaled deeply and he was worried out of his mind about her, as well. No doubt that had been something stuck in his scattered thoughts in recent weeks and to have them reconfirmed by his friends, rang alarm bells within him, "I thought of approaching her about it once Eater was over. It's just not the kind of conversation I wish to have here and now."

"If it's nothing, then there won't be anything to worry about, " Ron interjected, until his attention was caught elsewhere, "Oh look, McGonagall showed up. Blimey, she looks worse for wear, like she's trekked through far too many Portkeys."

Harry and Hermione turned their head in unison to find the Headmistress strolling onto the cobblestone pathway from the boundary of the yard where the warded charms were set. Her green velvet robes fluttered behind her rather impressively, and the spectacles on the bridge of her nose reflected the light above. She strolled in with less of a determined spring in her step as per her usual and Harry could not ignore the look of undeniable exhaustion upon the woman's face. Ron was right – she had seen better days.

The woman caught the attention of her ex-students and made a beeline toward them.

"Greetings, you three. I daresay I had to make the effort to leave the school grounds for a moment, otherwise, I'd never hear the end of it from Ms. Rheingold, " Minerva squinted at the sunlight and held her hand above her face to shield herself.

"Forcing you to take a break?" Harry asked curiously, but he could tell the woman looked a little more stressed than usual.

"Well, insisting is the better term for it, but yes. I suppose I needed to put down the quill for a few hours, for my own good, " The older woman sighed, "It's been such a consistent task, that I even do that in my dreams. Highly irritating."

"I know that feeling, " Hermione couldn't help but let out a small laugh, "Kingsley practically had to lock me out of my own office for the weekend."

"I'm glad you find that amusing, Miss Granger. You try running Hogwarts and see how you fare, " The older woman placed her hands neatly folded in front of her, "In fact, I'm willing to pay someone to step into my shoes for a short while."

Ron pulled a face, "I don't envy you."

"I wouldn't want anyone to, frankly, " Minerva huffed under her breath, until she spotted the half-giant lumbering on the other side of the garden, "Ah. Do excuse me. I have an important matter to discuss with the Groundskeeper."

Harry peered back at the Headmistress, "Will you be staying for lunch?"

Minerva paused in thought, "Perhaps I'll stay for Sheppard's pie and a trifle. But I cannot leave Hogwarts unattended for too long, amidst the chaos. Enjoy your afternoon."

The three of them waved goodbye at the woman and watched as she swept towards Hagrid's vicinity.

"…She looks cheery, " Ron added, just as the disappeared out of view.

Hermione and Harry exchanged concerned glances.

Eventually, everyone started to convene in the tent and began to help themselves to the assortment of food dishes along the table. With everyone together, Harry had never experienced an event so loud to his senses since his own wedding. People were engaging in conversation, laughing, and telling stories. Music was playing in the background and Luna had charmed white bunnies to scatter across the grass, which caused a few people to almost stumbling over when several started biting ankles.

Meanwhile Harry felt strangely out of place and couldn't quite put into words the feeling he felt when he was there. Ginny had shuffled up beside him at the food table and nudged him at his side, recognizing that he felt anxious. Much to his relief, he was glad Ginny understood without him having to explain anymore. Events like this were difficult for him still, especially knowing that they lost a lot of people who could no longer share weekends like this. He only imagined seeing Sirius share this day with them, along with Fred. Remus and Tonks together with Teddy would have been wonderful to see. Hell, even Albus Dumbledore would have been a welcoming addition. All those who should have been here were sorely missed.

But not only that, Harry had a bad run with his nightmares in the last month, so those thoughts left a bitter imprint on his mind. All he could envision and feel was the terror he experienced, and he couldn't get rid of those images as much as he tried. Sometimes he'd hear a voice thinking it was Sirius, only to turn and be disheartened that it was not him that he had heard. At one point of the lunch that day he heard a laugh which sounded like Tonks, only to realise it came from Andromeda.

He was going utterly mad.

Initially, he decided not to take the elixir that morning in his attempt to brave the day, and yet he felt absolutely alone and exposed without it. But second thoughts overran his irrational mind, and he knew that he could not continue like that. Just before he left home, he quickly decided to administer several drops as if he felt parched. But he felt it barely did a thing this time. His heart thumped painfully against his ribcage, and he was far more focused on trying to breathe through it than he was to strain himself to hear Charlie talk about dragons again.

Feeling Ginny pull gently upon his jumper, she quietly led him to the chairs beside Ron and Hermione and sat down to eat. Or forcing himself to, really. He needed something to drown out the sudden thoughts within his mind and he struggled to hear the other mundane conversations around the table. Occasionally Harry would stare aimlessly at his plate, shifting things around with his fork, and yet he felt Ginny's lingering and likely worried gaze upon him.

"What on earth is a vacuum?" Arthur, on the other side, had been questioning the poor Grangers in regard to the Muggle world, which was rather amusing to both Harry and Hermione.

"Um, well – "

The Grangers attempted to explain, and Arthur Weasley sat completely in awe at something so ordinary in the Muggle world. Hermione had to stifle a laugh at her father's confused reaction and Ron and Ginny tried their best not to be too embarrassed about it. It seemed that the conversations were in abundance from Ministry happenings to some nonsense written in The Daily Prophet, and the Lovegood's chattering away in regard to The Quibbler. Some mentioning's about Hogsmeade would pop up, and even some sighting of a dragon in Mexico excitedly foretold by Charlie.

On the other end of the table, Harry could hear Hagrid's belly-laughs, as he dropped pieces of meat to Fang sitting patiently beside his feet. He was engaged in conversation with Molly and Kingsley – who like, Minerva - managed to make an appearance for a short time. Neville and Hannah were chatting amongst themselves. Fleur sat back in her chair, caressing her very pregnant belly looking half-asleep, with Bill beside her taking a few sips of wine whilst he explained to the Johnson's about his own job as a Curse-Breaker

And yet despite all the noise around him, Harry felt so dissociated and disconnected from everyone else as if he was standing in the middle of a busy motorway, whilst everything was hastily passing him by. For some time later and through helpings of dessert, he felt in a state of limbo and found himself unable to engage in the conversations around him, drowning out the conversations as if he had submerged himself in water. Occasionally he would smile and nod, hoping to carefully sidestep questions he'd rather not answer, but his mind just seemed to be floating elsewhere. After many of them had their fill of food and drink, some of them rose from the table and dispersed in the fresh afternoon air in their bid to walk off their copious helpings.

When the opportunity finally arose, Ginny finally turned and whispered to him, "Harry, are you alright?"

But Harry could only stiffly nod, blankly staring at the mashed remnants of dessert on his plate. A once delightful looking treacle tart now appeared in chunks all over his plate, when he realised, he'd been picking at it for the last part of twenty minutes.

"You're not a very good liar, " Ginny said, in all seriousness. Her eyebrows raised, as they did in deep concern, prodding him for some kind of answer, "…What can I do?"

"I-I don't know." If only Harry knew.

Ginny placed her fork down and reached for Harry's tremoring hand under the table, squeezing gently, "Let's go inside for a few minutes, yeah? Everyone has since scattered around, anyway."

Wordlessly, Harry allowed himself to be led inside the Burrow where people were hanging around in all places, sipping wine, and conversing all over the loungeroom and the gardens. They saw Ron and Hermione quietly sitting in the back gardens as they were before on their way inside the house, but both were too transfixed in their own tender conversation to take much notice. But the closer Harry physically was to either of them, his heart began to beat faster until he felt sick to his stomach.

Suddenly those extra fudge flies he devoured in his bid to distract himself was a bad idea.

Ginny led him upstairs to the spare room where her old bedroom used to be, since converted to a spare room and closed the door behind them. Harry's breaths grew shallower and more unmanaged when he felt himself spiral into a panic attack now that he felt to be in a safer place. Harry leaned over the old beige threadbare couch in his bid to catch his breath as if he had just plunged himself into the freezing ocean, whilst Ginny was rubbing soothing circles on his back. He had tried to hold his panic throughout the lunch, like a dam about to burst. Ginny understood his need to get away for a few moments and ensured Harry was in a safe place away from everyone.

Harry was incredibly thankful for her, despite feeling wretched.

He absolutely hated losing it like this. He hated feeling so weak and tortured by the things that infected his mind every single day. It never got any easier and although the Weasley's and everyone else understood Harry's struggles to some extent, they couldn't bear to truly understand the things he had to experience and witness. They couldn't understand and even Ginny at times was unaware of much of it. He knew the War affected everyone else so deeply, but Harry couldn't help but feel alone with this. Sometimes it felt like Voldemort was still gnawing at his soul and he felt disgusted with himself.

Letting the tears flow for a few minutes, he found himself gripping the chair hard as he attempted to focus on his breathing and ignoring the suffocating and painful constriction of his chest. Ginny had not left his side throughout the ordeal until he felt more composure again. It took a while longer this time, but eventually, he regained a little more control, talking himself through breathing in intervals. Messily wiping the tears away with the back of his sleeve, he allowed Ginny to wrap her arms around him.

"Let's go home soon, alright?" She whispered tenderly to him.

Harry nodded glumly, "I think that would be best. For now, I just want to stay with you for a few more minutes. Before we leave…Please."

Nodding, Ginny led him to the couch, and they sat together leaning up against one another. Their hands clasped together and Harry still felt his own still shaking beneath hers. The warmth of her touch, however, kept him grounded and present. He felt her fingers caressing his wedding ring lovingly, and the sensation was a welcoming distraction from the emotions that had just gripped him. There was a comfortable silence between them, feeling her presence like a glow of light, leading him out of the darkness. His own soul gravitated to her own, and he knew…he knew she would always be with him.

The pair of them stayed together for a few minutes in silence, until they finally made their way back downstairs. Harry had tried to mask the evidence of the panic attack moments before and he only hope he appeared somewhat normal to everyone else, but he wasn't so sure. His attempt to blank out his mind was feeble, but enough. They did their round of goodbyes to everyone who was present and was able to avoid the prodding questions of why they weren't staying longer. A part of Harry felt that maybe they did have some understanding of how he was feeling, but he didn't quite count on that. He'd rather not be coddled by everyone present, so keeping his panic to a silent degree was in his best interests.

Molly had packed and sealed a lot of the food for the pair to take home, casting warming and preserving charms on each, and Luna insisted on Harry to offer Severus some of her homemade biscuits on her behalf. Molly had even labelled some of the containers with Severus' name as if she was packing lunch for her children and Harry was silently pleased with that gesture. Even though Severus was not present, there were still a few people other than Harry who still thought of him.

The Potters soon departed the bustle of the Burrow and made their way directly to their quiet home in Godric's Hollow. It had reached just after sunset and as soon as they walked through the door, Harry made a beeline to their bedroom for a few moments of peace. He quickly took three drops of the elixir under the tongue and slipped the vial into his pocket and re-joined Ginny in the kitchen who was putting things away rather sluggishly.

Harry leaned against the kitchen counter and gave Ginny an almost shameful glance, "Thank you for being there with me, Ginny."

His wife's shoulders slumped, "Well, I wasn't going to leave you alone, silly."

"I know, but - " Harry exhaled deeply, averting his eyes quickly " – I guess at least this time no one else noticed, unlike last year."

Ginny walked to Harry and leaned up against the counter beside him. She glanced sympathetically at him, "You did well today."

"I did horrible today, Ginny, " Harry frustratingly ran his hand through his hair, "Maybe one day I'll be able to enjoy a family day without feeling like I want to curl up into a ball."

"Harry, listen – " Ginny turned to face him directly; her hazel eyes set softly and yet sternly within her gaze. There was no doubt the worry behind them, but her eyes tried desperately to search Harry's in the moment their gazes locked, " – It's going to be alright. You're getting better at handling this and things like this takes time. I mean look at mum today – she called George Fred again, and she almost lost it. What I'm trying to say is that everyone has their own way of dealing with it. Mum tries her best to be social and throw these gatherings just to occupy herself…Dad is overworked…My brothers barely see each other much these days, and Ron is almost always consumed with work…McGonagall looks like she has been awake for a week straight…Severus locks himself away doing Merlin knows what…Andromeda, well…"

Harry nodded, distastefully, "I know, Ginny. I know…We are all a little messed up these days. But how many of them still see Voldemort in their dreams? How many of them still see the faces of the dead murdered before their eyes, like I have? How many of them have had Voldemort infest their minds like he is still here? I know he's gone, but he's been a part of me for so long and I feel like he is still with me. This scares me so much and I don't know what to do or how else to handle it. I see things I can't bear to see again…"

"As I said Harry, in time, it will get better. It'll be four years next month…I know you always feel terrible around this time of year, but we'll get through this together."

"Ginny…"

Ginny placed a warm hand on his chest, rubbing gently, "It will, alright? A day at a time."

It took some moments of hesitation, but eventually Harry nodded. It was difficult to put Ginny in this position as she was constantly worried about him. But his deepest sorrow was feeling like he was a burden upon her and looking after him had been such a task in itself. He couldn't help but feel the way he did, and although Ginny was right that things would eventually get better, it was the when that was worrying. How many more days was he able to endure feeling helpless and lost in the past? He had so many good things in his life, including future prospects, but that still didn't cure the absolute dread he felt on a daily basis. He hated the idea of his mood souring Ginny's and he had to wonder what she still saw in him. Surely this was not what she signed up for when she agreed to marry him.

Harry felt sickeningly selfish.

After some thought and much self-convincing, there was someone else he wished to see before the evening came to a close.

"I think I might make a quick stop to see Severus before the night is over, " Harry shifted the allocated food aside and peered back at his wife, almost anxious for her reply.

Pausing for a moment, Ginny crinkled her brow in worry, "Are you sure you're up for it? You could barely get through today."

After a brief hesitation Harry nodded, "I'll be fine. I won't be long. I just…need a bit of air."

Ginny paused for a few moments, before she wrinkled her freckled nose, "Alright. Just make sure you drop all of this off to him. It's a bad idea leaving those biscuits behind…On that note, I think I might have an early one. I'm so full I could burst."

Harry chuckled lightly, still feeling the soreness of his chest from his earlier episode of panic, "I won't be too far behind, though I'm surprised I still managed to keep it all in from earlier."

"Go quickly, before the warming charm fades off. I'm crap at casting those, " Ginny said, throwing a lock of hair back over her shoulder.

Harry smirked, "Yeah, because we don't want remnants of mash on the ceiling like last time."

"Oh, ha ha - " Ginny scrunched up her face, teasingly, " - Now go. I'll keep the bed warm for you when you get back. And I'll feed Godric, so don't you worry about that."

Chuckling to himself, he quickly pecked Ginny on the cheek and picked up the containers of food as he made his familiar journey to Severus' cottage. The sun had almost faded off completely into the distance, and there was a slight breeze in the air as Harry looked up to find some of the stars above already glittering away. The hand-tended gardens around Severus' house were serene and peaceful. Crickets chirped all around his and he noticed a few fireflies fluttering close to his little glass greenhouse. It was quiet and calming. Perhaps that was another reason why Harry loved being here – the silence of the world was just what he needed after the almost unbearable noise of the day.

With an armful of items, Harry managed to knock on the front door without everything crashing to the stone path under his feet. Good thing the neighbors were miles away.

The door soon swung open to reveal Severus appearing slightly haggard, "What in Merlin's name – "

"I just thought I'd stop by for a bit, " Harry stumbled through the door as the man quickly sidestepped to allow him inside and managed to get to the kitchen without spilling anything. "Delivery from the Weasleys, Hagrid's usual rock cakes again, and Luna made these…She insisted I take some to you. Singin' hinnies. They are actually quite good."

Severus eyed the containers with a mixture of amusement and irritation, "Miss Lovegood made them? Merlin forbid, if I actually start singing, I may have to obliviate you after all."

Harry laughed, "Relax, sir. They're fine."

Severus narrowed his eyes, keeping a straight face as he imposed his usual stern demeanor on him, "Did you just tell me to relax?"

"...No."

Severus watched the younger man coyly, thinning his lips. Harry was amused by the man and had to wonder what his own fate would have been years ago at school if they had this type of banter. Severus would have deducted points for cheek and send his backside straight to detention for two weeks straight. Now it seems these days, Severus played along with the cheek in his own sarcastic, dark way. With Harry's remarks and Severus' dark wit, they were quite the unlikely pair. Harry had only wished deep down that they were able to have such a relationship like this in his school days and wondered how different his time at Hogwarts would have been if they had only learned to be less antagonistic and far more civil.

A friendly banter would have been a welcome icebreaker years ago.

Finally, Severus turned to address him with his chin slightly raised, "Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to stop by to see you for Easter, " Harry shrugged nonchalantly, being careful to avoid his direct gaze, "I know I probably should have sent an owl beforehand, but I didn't think you'd mind…"

"I still prefer my privacy, regardless of it being imposed on by the Chosen One, " Figuring out that Harry would not be leaving anytime soon, Severus released an irked sigh and turned to the stove to begin making a pot of tea. "Fine."

Smiling a little triumphantly to himself, Harry inhaled the familiar fresh scent of peppermint which filled the abode and Harry moved the containers to the table in front of the fireplace for Severus to pick at. Aside on the small coffee table next to the single sofa was an empty glass with half-melted ice, and a bottle one third full of what appeared to be whiskey. He bit his lip, knowing full well the man had been drinking again. Harry's heart sunk further into his chest, wondering how he was going to convince him to stop.

Somehow.

The man was clearly trudging through each day, much like Harry was. Each day seemed like a marathon, and it was a miracle to make it through without completely losing it sometimes. It was even a blessing if Harry could wake in the morning without his mind tainted by horrible memories, and he often wondered if the man felt the same way. Like Harry was reliant on the elixir, and Severus was now worriedly reliant on the liquor, something had to give. Somehow, they needed to navigate through their struggles in a different way because the current way was surely not doing them any favors.

Harry knew Severus seemed a lot worse off than he was as the weeks flew by, but he had no doubt of the man's inner strength required to pull himself out of the void he was currently stuck in. But it almost seemed like Severus had given up and Harry felt connected to him enough to see him on a better path. A lighter path.

Despite the coldness in his exterior, there was warmth within his company. His hardened heart gave way to a softness buried underneath that layer, leaving behind a vulnerability only Harry could see. Or whoever cared enough to chip away at it.

He felt safe with him.

He knew that whatever would happen, he would be there. His strength, as much as the man himself denied it, was a virtue in Harry's eyes and the tenacity of his loyalty made him one of the most admirable figures in his life. Harry often wondered what Remus, or even Sirius, would make of him now. Would they have ever a change in heart, much like he did? There may never have been friendship at all possible in their lifetime, but perhaps mutual respect and even a measure of understanding, or dare he say it, sympathy. He just wished they could have all gotten along, and they could have made such incredible allies if the past wasn't so damaging to their souls.

But something over the years had changed. No longer was Severus so harsh on his merciless judgment towards anyone who crosses his path, but he had learned to become a little more patient and open-minded as the years went on. That rare softness and vulnerability was not something the man would display so open and causally. Deep down Harry felt honored enough that Severus was willing to drop his guard a little for him. And he only hoped that Severus was still comfortable within his company and was able to be himself a little more each time when he was around.

And for that, Harry would always have a sense of pride for him. Because even Harry himself had changed. He too was careful not to judge too quickly and gave thanks to those who had a part on keeping Harry safe and alive. If he himself wasn't so blinded by his unnecessary hate towards Severus all those years ago, perhaps he would have swallowed that pride and thanked the man in person for the obvious times he did save his life. He was young and ignorant; oblivious to it all.

Sure, there were times Severus would lash out still. But there was an effort behind his wounded nature which displayed his willingness to no longer be that person again. He was trying and that meant more to Harry than words can express. It wasn't easy, especially for Severus, that sometimes old habits reared its ugly head.

However, they were both still deeply affected by their past lingering resentment and now both knew the horrible implications of hanging onto hate so desperately. Because once hate is released, all that is left to deal with was the pain and the pair had endured enough of it. They now knew the value of letting go and finally making amends and were doing their best to continue to heal that damage, even though both still had a long way to go. Small but cautious steps.

But they were trying and that was more than they could ever hope for. They still argued, sometimes. Even horribly so. But at least now they were both a little more aware of their own actions enough to realize how to change them.

Harry sat on the couch before the fireplace which, to his surprise, was already alight. The warmth of the fireplace was soothing and a reflection of something caught his eye above. As he looked up to the mantle, he smiled fondly. The moving photo he gave of Severus and himself at the wedding, was now framed and placed beside a photo of a woman that appeared to be his mother. Harry was deeply touched by the gesture and felt honored that the man liked it enough to display it. Not that Severus was likely to have other guests, but Harry was elated to know that Severus cared enough about it to place it within view. The gesture was touching, and Harry smiled.

The man had a sense of sentimentality after all.

A shuffle and a clinking of glass could be heard in the other room, when Severus walked in with the teapot and mugs hovering smoothly in the air, guided by his ebony wand. Setting them carefully down on the coffee table, he took a seat beside Harry and began to pour each of them a mugful of tea.

"So - " Severus leaned back into the couch, nursing a warm mug of tea to his chest, "Had enough of the sickening pleasantries at the Burrow today, I presume?"

"It was alright."

Severus raised an eyebrow, eyeing him sharply, "No it wasn't."

"I said it was alright."

"If it was fine and dandy, you wouldn't be here."

Feeling his cheeks grow hot, Harry tensely clenched his jaw, "…You're right. It wasn't."

Severus frowned slightly, "What happened?"

Harry shrugged, wishing he knew himself, "I…I freaked out a bit. I panicked."

The Slytherin lowered his mug to his lap, tilting his head cautiously to the side, "What triggered it?"

"I dunno. A mix of things, I guess. Just thinking…Everyone around me chatting and pretending everything was fine. I mean, in a way things aren't completely terrible but – " Harry sighed, eventually looking almost desperately up within Severus' lingering gaze, " – You just can't help but think of other things, you know? What we could have done differently. People who should have been there but weren't."

There was a small pause, before Severus continued quietly, "Ah, yes. The ever-infinite void of our minds. A dangerous, manic void. Easy to become lost in, but far more difficult to climb out of."

Harry gave a careless shrug, "I mean, at what point will it get better? At what point do we stop thinking about it all?"

Severus sighed deeply, studying the Gryffindor cautiously. His eyes flickered from the mug of tea cooling within his hands, to Harry's pain-filled expression, "I have no valuable answer to that. Nothing worse than constantly regretting every decision, every word…We can't change it and that is what is particularly frustrating. Moving on implies we forgive ourselves…but who are we fooling?"

Harry gave a weak, almost cold, laugh, "We can forgive each other, but not ourselves. And even that is not enough, sometimes."

"Quite right."

"I'm really glad I'm not alone in feeling like this, though, " Harry glanced at Severus gratefully, feeling a small weight off his shoulders, "Ginny knew I was struggling today, too. She's good at knowing…Like you. Explaining it is hard sometimes."

Severus grew silent and took a small, careful sip of the tea within his grasp. Harry could see the angry redness upon the old scarring at Severus' neck and noticed the man wincing on several occasions. It was clearly bothering him today. It was something that flared up occasionally and he knew Severus had it handled with regular potion and salve remedies. Harry would only hope that their interaction was a good enough distraction away from the obvious discomfort with it.

Harry and Severus exchanged quiet glances, but the older man looked away warily when the emerald eyes proved too much. Severus appeared slightly guarded and withdrawn. Not that it was anything unusual, but the Gryffindor noticed something behind those darker eyes which looked distracted and even worn down. The light behind them seemed dulled and empty.

Harry could sense the man was deeply bothered by something and he couldn't help but want to know what that was. Severus evidently hated when Harry prodded him with personal things, but he was determined to help him open up a little more because each one brought them closer together. Severus now knew he could trust Harry with such things, but bearing ones' soul was the hardest thing of all, "Sir…What happened the other day? When I saw you at Diagon Alley?"

Seemingly caught a little off guard by the question, Severus narrowed his eyes, "You already know."

"No, there is something else, isn't there?" Harry paused in thought for a moment, "When I helped you take your ingredients home. I noticed you – "

" – There is nothing, Harry. Just leave it."

Lowering his voice, Harry looked back at him sympathetically, "Come on, sir. I know something else happened and it was bothering you."

Severus bared his teeth slightly and looked away. The Slytherin was conflicted and there was no mistaking the man's seething expression. Harry thought for a moment that he was going to explode in anger. Looking down at the man's pale calloused hands, were seen clenched tightly and white as chalk. Severus was angry and quite obviously affected by whatever it may be, however, Harry could tell that he was trying his best to subdue it. Severus clenched his jaw and kept his eyes averted on the flickering flames of the fireplace as if to use it as a distraction. Every now and again Harry would notice the man's eyes trail upwards at the two photos atop the mantle and then shift away almost shamefully.

"Severus, you can trust me, too."

Severus closed his eyes briefly. When all but the sounds of the crackling fireplace could be heard, the man soon opened his eyes, took a large sip of the tea, and carefully set down the mug on the table. Instead of looking at Harry, he slowly rose up from the chair and paced a few times upon the grey rug under his feet. He glimpsed once at Harry ever so quickly, then averted his gaze again, "…My father is dead."

Harry suddenly felt sick and lost for words, as his stomach dropped, "W-what? Why…why didn't you tell me that day?"

Severus turned to face Harry lividly with a curl of his lip, "Why should I be required to? I need not empty condolences. Especially not for him."

Disheartened, Harry slumped his shoulders, "Because I would have understood why you were you so, well, sad that day."

"I wasn't…sad, " Severus looked a tad irritated, eyes wild with confliction.

But Harry knew better, "Severus, stop pretending. I know his loss would have been hard for you."

"I never loved him; therefore, it matters not, " Severus curled his lips; his voice full of whispered venom.

"Come on, sir. I didn't exactly have a fairy-tale childhood, either, " Harry soon took a breath, and lowered his voice, "What I mean to say is…I understand. I do. And I'm sorry it made you feel the way it did."

Severus closed his eyes briefly again, hoping to rid his imposing father from his memories. But when he opened them, Harry looked worriedly before him with sad emerald eyes peering back, "That chapter is gone. Not the way that I had hoped it would end, but it is closed nonetheless."

"Why didn't your mother ever use magic against him?"

Severus looked rather disgusted in the recollection, "My father was an overbearing, manipulative, intimidating, vile man. It was his way of countering what she was, and thus, his cold behavior scared her to the point where she was even afraid to show her wand for fear of him destroying it. Who would have thought a magical being would have been afraid of a Muggle? He was a monster."

Harry couldn't help but notice the man's struggle with that realisation and it was obvious to him that Severus was dissatisfied with his fathers' end, "You're nothing like him, you know."

Severus suddenly scoffed bitterly, seemingly unconvinced, "You never knew him."

"Well, from what you've told me in the past and from I've seen…That's not you."

Severus shook his head dismissively and turned away from him, as if he couldn't bear to listen.

But Harry soon rose up from his seat and stopped beside him, seeing the doubt within the man's expression far more clearly against the light of the fireplace illuminating his face, "You're not. I know you, now. Please don't dismiss me on this."

"He was the last of my blood relatives. The last of my family, " Severus spoke quietly almost at a whisper, still having difficulty meeting the Gryffindor's gaze.

Adamantly, Harry shook his head, "Blood isn't always family."

"When it is the end of your family line and I have nothing more to give, then yes, blood is family. And it ends with me. It must…" Severus' deep voice trailed off.

"No, " Harry was aghast at the man's response to it all, and couldn't believe what he was hearing, "No, it's not the end, sir."

"I have no family, Harry, " Severus commanded, now looming over the Gryffindor, "Draco is essentially the closest by title and yet I barely have anything more to do with him these days. I see him once or twice a year and that is all."

"You have me, Severus. Blood isn't just family, " Harry repeated firmly, "My friends are the closest thing to family than my aunt, uncle, and cousin will ever be. So are you."

"Easy for you to say, " Severus responded with an obvious old bitterness within his voice, "You've always had someone by your side once your time at Hogwarts began. That is a luxury you don't seem to fathom of with importance."

Harry watched as the man turned away and leaned back against the wall beside the fireplace, wanting to hide away his face so desperately. Seeing Severus this wounded hurt him deeply and he wished there was a way he could ease these emotions from him. There was obvious deep loneliness buried and latched within and he could not shake those hollow emotions. He wanted nothing more than to pick up the weight he so feverishly carried on his shoulders and hide it away, freeing him from his burdens. The rusted shackles of his past were still weighing so heavily down upon him.

Carefully, Harry studied the man closely and allowed silence to pass between them. Giving the man a few minutes to gather himself, he continued quietly, "Sir…What can I do?"

Severus' body appeared to shake so subtly, and Harry noticed the mans' knuckles turned white again as he bawled them into a fist by his side. Severus glanced warily at Harry and there was a slight tremble in the man's voice, "There is nothing for me, Harry. I wasted my second chance, and this is the pathetic man I have become, still – "

" – Sir – "

" – Do not interrupt!" Severus turned around to face Harry suddenly, his eyes widened with what looked like fear. The sight itself was unnerving and for the first time in years, it was almost frightening for Harry to see, making him feel like a child again, "Why can't you comprehend this? I have nothing. I am nothing! Every day I wonder why the ritual chose to grant me life, instead, I had only wished it could have taken me. And yet I am somehow needed at Hogwarts again? I'm useless and not good for anyone! Minerva is daft enough to presume I am capable of such a task. And I'm tired of this, Harry. I'm tired of what I am. What I've become…"

Harry fell quiet for a moment and watched as Severus' heaved breaths shook his thin form as silent cries erupted from him. Hearing the crackling of the fire in front of them, Severus wandered back to the fireplace where the photo of the both of them gleamed before them. The man leaned tirelessly with his arms on the mantle and his head bowed low. But Harry was quick to follow. Walking up beside the shattered, hunched figure, Harry tapped the man's shoulder carefully. Severus turned to face him, finally, and without thinking too much about it, Harry wrapped his arms around the thin frame, feeling the warmth emanate from both the fireplace and the man before him.

Severus, however, surprised Harry – he wasted no time returning the embrace, reminding them of the time Harry did the same on his eighteenth birthday. This time, Severus didn't hesitate and that made Harry so proud of him in his own way. A man who once hated physical contact and avoided it like the plague, was now slowly becoming accustomed to it only within Harry's company. And it was heart-warming for the both of them, now realizing so silently, what they both really needed that day especially.

"You don't need to see me like this, " Severus croaked, almost feebly, "You shouldn't have bothered."

"Well, I didn't want you alone on Easter."

Harry felt a shuddered, defeated breath within Severus' hold, but soon settled. Calmer, much like Ginny had helped him earlier that day.

They'll get through this.

Somehow.