BlueWater5: A light will soon shine.

A5mia: Skeeter is just an absolute pain in the backside LOL

PearlM21: Hehe, I won't do that this time! Keep note of the jumps in time – Dawn is really just prioritizing, but Minerva will know. Severus is learning so much in this story. For him it's taken the lessons he learned (in the first story) and implementing it in this one. Old habits are hard to break, and he knows he needs to break some of them or else be forever stuck in his self-deprecating loop.

"You can't be everyone's hero. You can't take away everyone's pain, solve all their problems, and make them feel happy with themselves and their lives. All you can do is love them, and that's all you have to do. Just love them in their messiness, their confusion, their grief. See them, hear them, and accept them without judgement. Then let them know it's okay to be right where they are, and if and when they need you, you'll be there."

– Lori Deschene

CHAPTER 18: The Darkest Light

May 2nd, 2002

[Harry Potter]

Another year gone, with another scar across his soul.

The anniversary of the Hogwarts Battle was upon them again, lighting their wands at the monument erected at Hogwarts in tribute of the fallen who died on the grounds that day. Every year they met here in their honor, sending light to the overcast sky above. That morning he had already visited his parent's graves, along with stopping to see Remus and Tonks with little Teddy by his side. It was a little ritual they shared every year, making sure his godson continued to have that opportunity where Harry did not, at the age that he was.

The Potter household was quiet and somber that morning, leaving both Harry and Ginny lost in their own thoughts. They shared a moment together, holding each other in the silence, knowing Ginny had her deceased brother on her mind.

They arrived along with the other grave, familiar faces on the grounds by the Great Lake, where the large marble pillar stood like a monument to mark that fateful day. Harry and Ginny met up with Ron and Hermione, then later saw Luna and Neville with their respective partners. Other surviving DA members made their appearances, such as Seamus and Dean. Cho was sitting beside the Patil twins close to the front, and Katie was in a quiet conversation with Angela on the other side. It was almost as if no time had passed at all, and yet the years flew by.

Molly had managed to find them amongst the sea of people and informed them that Fleur had gone into labor in the early hours of the morning. It seemed to be quite an ironic thing to happen on the day that it did, and despite the heartache of the day, Harry allowed a small, fond smile to etch across his face as the thought of a new child brought into the world on a day where so many lost their lives, became slightly bittersweet.

Observing as many others struggled to find empty seats, Harry spotted Severus halfway through the service, blending in with the shadowed tree line behind them. At one point they met each other's gaze, but Harry's heart couldn't take the extra stress. There was a tense moment between them before Harry eventually turned away. He hadn't seen the man for three weeks, so it was a little shocking to see him there even if he was expecting it. He knew that Severus took it upon his own duty to ensure his presence on each anniversary, knowing he still blamed himself for some of the deaths he could not prevent. Upon first glance, there was new frailty with the Slytherin and by the glassy-eyed look on his face, he clearly hadn't let go of the liquor.

Consumed in recent days by the sudden loss of Andromeda, thinking about Severus and their previous heated argument hadn't been at the forefront of his mind. It should have been, but not this time. His family – especially Teddy – needed his attention the most. Consoling a crying child and convincing him that death was not to be feared, sapped all of his energy for anything more. Right now, Harry needed to focus on dealing with his own issues before trying to confront Severus again to fix that one.

And he knew he had to.

The extra few drops of the elixir he took that morning gave his mind a bit of a strange buzz. He didn't feel entirely present at that moment; just numb and distant. Around him were sobbing students, some still adorned in their school robes, but he couldn't bear to shed a tear for them this time. His heart bled at the magnitude of the losses, but there were no tears left to cry.

For a moment he thought there was something seriously wrong with him, but shaking his head, he tried his best to clear away the fogged debris from his mind as Minister Kingsley continued the usual service at the podium.

He really just wanted to go home.

His own mind drifted frequently that day, and he could barely recall seeing all of his friends. He wasn't entirely sure who he had greeted, or if he looked as horrible as he felt. Of course, the two hours of sleep didn't help matters either and it was a miracle he received even that.

Kingsley's voice droned on in the background, leaving Harry to blink sluggishly throughout. He could hear the gently lapping waters of the lake, feeling a warm breeze wash over them and doing his best to drown out the voices around him and replace them with the sounds of the calming water instead. He envisioned it washing over him, hoping with everything he had, for it to cleanse his mind. But it was obviously easier said than done. As he sat through the service, all he could see were the blood-stained faces of those he lost on that day, and it was not an easy image to shift from his mind.

It was only until Ginny gently tugged at his hand; did he realise the service was over. The attendees quietly departed, leaving some convening to chat in their solitude.

Harry barely recalled arriving home that afternoon, despite knowing Ginny had Apparated the three of them. He felt like his body was on autopilot. The usual sounds around him dulled and muted, as he tried desperately to clear his head. His head pounded, unable to shake the headache that gripped him more of the long day.

"…Harry?"

Blinking a few times, he arched his head in Ginny's direction, "Hmm?"

"You're zoning out again."

"No, I'm not."

"I called your name a few times, and you continue to stare off into space."

Harry said nothing. He heard a shuffle and noticed Ginny approaching him from his perch on the sofa. At his feet, Teddy was silently playing with his puzzle, watching the child trying to cram a piece where it didn't fit. The chair dipped slightly beside him and felt Ginny's arms wrap around his torso.

"I know today was a tough day, " Ginny spoke softly, with her chin gently resting atop his shoulder.

"More like a tough few weeks, " Harry mumbled, lightly biting his lip allowing his head to rest atop hers, "It doesn't seem to get any easier, does it?"

"No, it doesn't, " Ginny responded quietly. After a short pause, she soon smiled a little fondly, "George's tribute to Fred gets wackier every year. He'll never run out of ideas at the rate he's going at."

"The charmed balloons in Fred's honor at least entertained the little ones. Teddy was ecstatic."

"Speaking of little ones, I received an owl from mum shortly after we arrived home – Bill and Fleur had a daughter. They named her Victoire. We're now officially auntie and uncle."

"Victoire?" Harry's pathetic attempt to replicate Ginny's successful French pronunciation, did not slide by unnoticed.

"It's French for victory, apparently. Considering the day today, it's rather fitting, don't you think?"

"It's a nice sentiment, " Harry smiled, albeit a little too sadly for his own liking, "Remind me to send them a congratulation through owl."

Feeling Ginny's hand tenderly rub his chest, his wife's warmth became a safety net, keeping him in the present, "I'll handle it, alright? It's almost six. I'll fix us some dinner…Something simple."

Harry's stomach twisted in knots. The thought of eating anything, sickened him, "I'm not hungry."

Ginny nodded, with thinned lips, "Alright. I'll make something for Teddy, and I think we may all be able to benefit from an early night."

"Yeah, " Harry could barely manage that response, not even sure if it was audible enough for his wife to hear. He cleared his throat a little, feeling scratchy from lack of fluids, "Actually, I think I might head off now. I have a wicked headache."

Ginny gazed upon Harry in concern, "I think I may have one of Severus' potions left for that."

Shaking his head at the idea, Harry rose to stand, feeling slightly wobbly on his feet, "Uh, no. I think I'll just try and sleep this one off, Ginny."

She gave Harry a playful nudge, in her attempt to uplift his mood, "This is probably the earliest I've ever seen you sleep."

"It is a rarity, " Harry managed a slight smirk, before bending down to ruffle Teddy's brunette locks, "Goodnight, Ted. Don't forget to pack your toys away. Ginny needs to brush up on her domestic spells."

"Oh, ha ha, Harry. I think you need to teach me. You know I never bothered to learn anything of the sort from mum. She'd be livid."

Harry grinned mischievously, despite the heaviness in his head, "Nah, I think I enjoy seeing you blow up poor, defenseless furniture - "

He barely glanced back at his godson, when he felt Teddy's plush owl hit him square in the face. Ginny grinned rather confidently, convincing Harry that she'd also make a great Quidditch Beater, "Hey, it flies!"

Teddy, however, was in hysterics. His infectious laugh caused Harry to chuckle, which admittingly, was a welcome relief from the brain fog he had been experiencing all day. The Pygmy Puff had since dashed behind the sofa in fright, hearing all but a few squeaks as it disappeared.

Putting his hands up defensively, Harry took a few steps back, "Okay, okay, I'm going."

"Goodnight, daddy!" Teddy squealed, between giggles.

"I'll see you in bed later, alright?" Ginny had since shuffled her way to the floor, wrapping her arms around a still giggling child.

Harry was almost tempted to throw something back in return, but he wasn't in much of a mood for a toy fight. He quickly realised how incredibly exhausted he felt and knew that he was slowly losing all sense of cognition and sanity whilst he was awake. His headache continued to pound at his temple, feeling slightly delirious. It had been such a long, tiring day, and the idea of sitting within a crowd of mourners sapped all the energy he had left. And these days, it really wasn't all that much.

Echoes of Teddy's laughter dissipated as he dragged his own wary feet into the quiet confines of his room. He just needed some silence to himself. All the noise of the day was a little too much for him to deal with and if he didn't deal with that soon, he'd be sure to lose the rest of his mind.

Perching himself on the edge of the bed, he heaved a heavy sigh and glanced at the almost-empty vial of the elixir, taunting him so desperately. Rubbing his tired eyes behind his glasses, he downed the remainder of the shimmering liquid without thinking and crawled into bed, still wearing the same clothes of the day. He barely had the energy to slip into his pajamas this time.

It took no more than two minutes, until Harry's eyelids drooped heavily, and slipped into a deep slumber.

May 3rd, 2002

[Severus Snape]

The gently cooing owls flying over his home during their overnight letter deliveries, were soft against the silence as Severus sat hunched over his potions workbench, peeling away at dried boomslang skin before him.

He hadn't yet slept that night. After arriving back from the anniversary service, he threw himself straight to his work, ignoring the hunger pains once his stomach began protesting again not caring to remember when food had last reached it.

It was the very early hours of the morning, but it was still pitch-black outside. He didn't remember the last time he looked at the clock, but occasionally he would glance out of the window beside him to see the moon dipping slowly over the small lake in the distance. The glow of the moon although comforting, gave him the strange reminiscent memories of the three ritual nights, chanting vulnerably and deathly-ill under a full moon. Each phase had left him with strange recollections, remembering in detail the harshness of the apparition figures who came to deliver their scorn. Each harsh blow from those he once knew, left a bitter imprint on his soul, whilst each condemning word continued to break him further, little by little.

'…No wonder your mother took her own life. She couldn't deal with you…'

'…You've always been heartless…No soul survives within you…You cannot be saved…'

'…You disappoint me, Severus. You chose the Mark over me. You chose darkness, over me…'

He knew those apparitions were not real, but he couldn't help to think about it as much as he tried to ignore them. His father, Albus, and Lily – three powerful influences within his life, helped to shape some part of him, for better or worse. There were only so many times he could push those memories back within the crevices of his mind, but he often found difficulty re-deploying his Occlumency shields as the days rolled by. After not having used it so consistently as he did since the Second War, it was a slowly fading skill, and that alone frustrated him immensely. It was almost as if he did not have the willpower and mental fortitude as he used to, and that fact alone left a hollow sadness behind. A skill that had saved his life, now fading and practically useless to his current problems.

There were still hours away until dawn and Severus ignored the exhaustion slowly creeping up upon him. Once he filled the jars with the newly prepped ingredients, he was distracted by a strange light that appeared behind him, casting strange dancing shadows across his workbench. He frowned at the window, soon realising that is not where the light was coming from.

Pushing himself up from the bench despite the stiffness of his bones, he turned to see a bright, beaming blue-tinged light grow nearer to him.

Shielding the sudden light with his hands above his head, he was able to observe its strange outline. The pale blue glow of the four-hoofed creature almost convinced him that he was hallucinating. Surely it wasn't the whiskey he had down several hours ago. He was confused for a moment, wondering how the doe made its appearance in his home without him casting it. But as his vision soon readjusted to the light, and his mind gathered some sort of sense, he realised the Patronus was the form of a horse.

Ginevra Potter's.

The horse galloped through the walls like a taunting ghost and stopped beside Severus, looming over him as if the creature itself was real. The desperate voice of Harry's wife broke through the silence and Severus' ever-beating heart elevated with each word, "Sir, I need your help…I can't wake him up…I think he took the rest of your elixir…Please hurry…"

As soon as the horse delivered the message, the Patronus faded away into the darkness in the last wisps of its pale light.

"No, no, bloody hell – " Severus hastily extinguished the candles upon his workbench, took the full leather pouch hanging on the stand, and stormed out of his home, apparating as soon as he reached his border.

Once he arrived outside of Godric's Hollow, he picked up the hem of his cloak and dashed as quickly as he could to the Potter's home on its outskirts. Passing a few stray felines who hissed at his sudden presence, he reached their front porch and barged through the front door not even bothering to knock.

Ginny Potter must have heard him burst through when Severus noticed her look of panic as she motioned for him to follow. Upon seeing the panicked look on the woman's face – a rarity for her – the sight alone had him worried. She appeared breathless, "I'm sorry for calling you at this silly hour, but I didn't know who else to contact…"

When Severus reached their bedroom, he found Harry twitching in his sleep, whilst he was laying prone on the bed. Harry's eyes fluttered manically, and Severus noticed a thin layer of perspiration upon his forehead. The Gryffindor murmured and grumbled under his breath, clearly in some distress over a nightmare he was quite evidently having. Glancing at his bedside, he took immediate notice of the familiar vial of what once held the elixir, now completely empty. Not a single drop was left.

Harry, what in Merlin's name did you do to yourself?! I warned you…Why won't you listen?!

"He overused it when I specifically told him not to - " Severus growled angrily under his breath as he placed a hand on the Gryffindor's forehead, feeling his skin hot to the touch, " - Mrs. Potter, go and retrieve several small towels immediately."

He heard Ginny dash out of the room without question, leaving Severus to gaze upon Harry's helpless state. Severus himself felt powerless. They hadn't spoken for weeks, after his own erratic outburst. The incident with Teddy had caused a bit of a rift between them and had not been able to face each other since, with the anniversary service leaving behind a hollow, bitter note upon their brief recognition. Now seeing Harry in the condition he was in, left Severus in a state of deep shame.

He wasn't there. He allowed his anger to take hold once again and became selfish and cruel against someone who only wished to help him. Like a fool yet again, Severus cast him away like he meant nothing, and for that, he would always feel such deep remorse over his actions. The lake incident in his fifth year continued to play on a loop within his mind, taunting him so amidst the similarities, along with that fateful word that ruined so much of his life.

And like that incident, he knew he did not mean it. That was his anger talking as if it were another separate entity.

Amidst Severus' lingering thoughts, Ginny had since re-entered the room messily holding an armful of towels, allowing him to retrieve several from her before she could place them down. With his wand he muttered his Freezing Charm, coating the towel in a thin layer of frost. He placed a towel upon Harry's forehead and reached into his leather pouch with a desperate tinkering of several vials and items he had stored in there. Things that generally never left his person – a spy's habit.

Finally, retrieving the one he was looking for, he unfastened the lid of what appeared to be light pink and white crystals emitting a tolerable scent of ammonia.

Severus held the tiny jar under Harry's nose, wafting it around for his senses to reawaken. The Gryffindor stirred a few times and drifted back off to a deep and disturbed sleep. He pulled back on the crystals and tried again periodically, with Ginny watching attentively with each attempt.

"Harry, what were you thinking, ingesting it in one go?" Severus spoke between clenched teeth to Harry, knowing full well he was not conscious enough to hear or respond.

Of course…this was Harry. He doesn't think!

"Is-is he going to be alright?" Ginny's voice trembled and to his surprise, she looked tearful - A sight Severus had never seen on the young woman before. She stood beside Severus, closely watching him work.

Using his wand, he ushered 'Rennervate' several times, resulting in Harry's eyes opening and closing in fluttered intervals. The Gryffindor's green eyes darted around under his eyelids, which was almost a startling sight. When that did not prove useful, he ran his wand across Harry's chest, drawing sigils that left Mrs. Potter confused. Casting whatever spells he could, he concluded that his vital signs were stable, apart from his racing heartbeat from the nightmare he was still having. Intermittently, he proceeded to use the crystals to awaken Harry, and each time the Gryffindor stirred awake, he appeared to be calmer and less erratic as the minutes ticked on.

But still, Harry would not awaken.

Severus' wary eyes wandered tiredly up to Ginny's, "He'll be alright, Mrs. Potter. He'll awaken gradually, but he will be groggy, no doubt. Give him time - " He handed Ginny a larger vial, filled with a murky, black concoction, " - Once he awakens and once he is alert enough, he must drink this charcoal concoction. All of it. It will withdraw the remnants of this elixir's magic from his system. The elixir usually continues to work even after waking. It won't be pleasant, but it will help. I suggest having a bucket ready."

The woman nodded, taking in each and every word. Her eyes darted from Severus to Harry soon sighing rather helplessly, "…He's been so stressed and anxious...I got mad at him for relying on it and I knew he was taking more than he should have been. He just wanted the nightmares to end..." Ginny ran her hand frustratingly through her unbrushed, bed hair, "I should have informed you sooner in private, as I knew he didn't want you to know and didn't want to listen to me."

"Well, being locked in a terrifying nightmare is not the intention. He is infuriatingly stubborn, that we both know."

The woman nodded slowly, "Look, about Harry…There is something off with him, which I'm sure you've already figured out. And I know it's not the elixir. He just seems a little, oh I dunno…blank, sometimes."

Oh yes, she was correct. He could sense something was amiss, and certain things did not quite add up. Instead, Severus arched an eyebrow, "Care to elaborate?"

Ginny shrugged, "I was hoping you could help with that. He doesn't always want to talk with me about it, and he gets a little mad when I mention his memory issues. He seems to think it's no big deal, but I kind of think it is. He barely mentions Sirius anymore. In fact, I don't remember the last time he did."

Not that Severus gave at all a damn about the flea-infested canine, but for Harry, even that was unusual, "I will see what I can discover. When you so graciously allowed me here for dinner earlier in the year, I tried to grasp a read on him out of mere curiosity but found…nothing. Either there was nothing to begin with, or for some daft reason, he decided now was the time to master Occlumency. I, too, had my suspicions."

Ginny shook her head, quite visibly bewildered, "Occlumency? You know Harry was never good at that mind thing."

"That mind thing is a very precise mental skill, one of which I do not believe Harry would have ever come to master, " Upon second thought, Severus' tone had changed and instead of his usual teacher-mode, his voice lowered to almost at a whisper, "However, in saying this, sometimes traumatic experiences may keep certain memories sealed and Occlumency is a prerequisite of that."

The Weasley still looked utterly confused, "I don't think I understand, sir."

Severus' gaze now re-focused on the slow rise and fall of Harry's chest, "Some significant events can become blocked in the mind over time. Generally speaking, it is the mind's defense mechanism for a memory that may incite further pain. It can happen without intention and in doing so, keeps the memory sealed away for the person's protection. In my own experience, prolonged Occlumency can enable this. It is, however, a terrible side effect and memories are not always easier to re-obtain, if not…lost."

There was a short pause, "Lost? Surely not…Could you use Legilimency on him?"

"Much to your disappointment, I had already attempted it. And yet I was unable to find anything of significance. Regardless, that is the point of Occlumency – to hide and mask memories and the emotions attached to them. Memories can be locked away using such magic."

"So, do you think Harry is, oh I dunno, subconsciously using Occlumency without meaning to? Maybe that's why you didn't find anything alarming because he made sure there was nothing there to find so you wouldn't worry."

He turned his attention back to Ginny, and gave a single weary nod, "That is a high possibility. Or that he is fully aware of what he is doing and is intentionally blocking us all out."

"I'm really worried for him."

"I will attempt to decipher this but it will take time. Sometimes jolting someone out of it can do more harm than good. Trust me when I say memories are…incredibly delicate."

Ginny looked saddened still, lowering her voice knowing full well a sleeping child was in the other room. Out of worry, she rubbed the side of her arm, "Thank you for answering my call. I didn't know who else could help. Please talk to him. Especially about his memory lapses…He's been zoning out more than usual. There's a lot he doesn't tell me, I just know it. He's just…not himself."

Severus allowed a light snort to escape him, "He does not always heed the offered advice, no matter who it comes from."

"I just...I just don't know what else to do for him. I feel useless half the time."

"You are far from useless, Mrs. Potter. You keep him in mostly line and that's a marvelous feat unto itself, " He responded, stoically.

There was a pause and Ginny's eyes shifted from Harry to Severus, "He was angry that day, you know. Angry, upset, confused…"

That stung a little more than it should have, "...I hurt him."

"I know, " Ginny said, quietly. She then moved to kneel down on the ground to perch herself beside Harry, clutching his hand and caressing it gently. Her usually-bright hazel eyes were sorrowful and upset, now crinkled in worry and uncertainty, "Harry's had a lot on his mind. He really is sorry for letting you down."

What?

He couldn't believe what he had just heard, "Nonsense. He did not let me down."

"No, sir, you don't understand - "

" - It was I who let him down, Mrs. Potter. He knows it, " Severus winced at his own words, "He tried to keep this from me, didn't he? The elixir."

Ginny nodded grimly, "Yes. He was worried that you'd get angry at him about it. How's that for irony? Please, don't be mad at him, though. Not at him. He felt terrible for days, weeks even when he got mad at you. Once he realised how much it affected him. He was just too stubborn to admit it."

"I suppose that was a matter of time until he did. He tried to help me, and I threw it back in his face, " Severus couldn't help but look away from the sight of both of them, not even sure of what exactly she knew. He could almost feel a slight heat in his cheeks from the shame of it all, "Words can be irreversibly damaging."

"Please talk to him when he wakes up, " Ginny asked again, clearly determined for some type of confirmation and reassurance. Her hazel eyes widened, now pleading for some kind of help. It wasn't like her to be visibly stressed, but this was no doubt something that burned her with worry.

He felt a headache slowly develop, but he had the inkling it was the last remnants of his earlier glass of whiskey, "I'll do what I can, Mrs. Potter. But I make no promises."

Harry's wife looked somewhat relieved as if a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders, but she managed a small shrug accompanied by a meek smile, which threw him completely off guard, "Ginny is fine. I know you well enough. Harry, as thick as he can be sometimes, still considers you family. It won't be fair to you if I don't feel the same way."

Severus, however, couldn't help but grumble at the idea. He still couldn't fathom the fact that he had this strange relationship with the new Potters. An unlikely connection he never knew he'd ever obtain, "I suppose I'm no longer a stranger to you abysmal lot."

"Regardless of what happened, try and mend it. Harry has so much respect for you, despite him putting up an 'I hate everything' front with his short temper. He deals with it in his own way."

That, he already knew, and strangely enough, it was all too familiar for himself. The odd feeling of the old bitterness during their last explosive encounter left behind a hollowness in his withering heart. But something else nagged at his mind, which shocked even himself, "...Is the child alright?"

"Teddy?" Ginny blinked, caught off tangent by the man's curious question in regard to the child, "He's okay. Harry spoke to him."

"I meant in regard to the burns."

"Mostly healed. Your salve works better every time I see it. You've improved it a lot."

"It's all I'm barely good for these days, " Severus mumbled under his breath.

Ginny frowned deeply, reminding him of the Weasley matriarch when she'd at times scold him for his attitude back when the Order was being revived in the Second War, "That's not true, sir - Severus. You stop yourself from doing any more and wonder why you are stuck in a rut. What are you so afraid of?"

…I'm sick of being, well...me.

He couldn't ever let that slip, least of all to Harry's wife. It was more than enough for Harry and Minerva being the only two within his life to truly comprehend his deep struggles and the war he had with himself in his bid to recover some ounce of identity, dignity, and purpose again. Once again, his soul felt exposed.

Severus' eyes narrowed resentfully, feeling slightly insulted by the question and the utter nerve of this particular Weasley, "Afraid? I am not afraid. What absurdity!"

Ginny however was not bothered by Severus' irritation and yet appeared challenged, "So what if you are? It's not such a terrible thing and you don't need to lie about it. If you're afraid of something, it means you care enough about it for it to affect you so much."

She did though, have a point, as much as he did not want to openly admit such a defeat of his own personal values. As insulted as he felt, perhaps he allowed his usual stoic demeanor to slip for a moment, causing her to pinpoint his vulnerability and insecurity. And that made him feel very uncomfortable. He hated the idea of her knowing far more than he'd like her to. And that notion applied to anyone else, really.

Noticing his quite obvious hesitation, she pushed further, "You're a war hero, like us. And I'm not saying it to be big-headed, but they wouldn't have recognised you with an Order of Merlin if they didn't believe you so capable of such things. You protected and saved people, sir. Not only just out of duty but instinct. You saved people you even couldn't stand, and you didn't have to. That is why Harry, and myself, believe you'll do so much better returning to Hogwarts."

Severus scoffed at the thought of that dreaded offer rearing its head again and addressing it with a mild bitterness, "That doesn't solve my current dilemma."

"What dilemma? You painted yourself as one of the darkest wizards for the greater good for so many years when now we know the truth, " Ginny continued to caress her husband's hand, exchanging glances from Harry, to Severus, "This change is good, isn't it? Frightening, sure. But take that step and maybe you'll realise it's not so bad."

"I can't go back, " Severus whispered harshly, "I'm not a good person. I've done terrible things and I am a terrible man. The things I've done were unforgivable. The thought of setting foot back on those grounds is nothing short of excruciating."

Ginny shrugged casually, giving Severus an odd reminder of Lily who used to dismiss much of what he tried to explain, "So you say. Do you think we'd be willing to support you if we actually agreed with that? Leave the past where it belongs...we just have to, sir. Otherwise, we'd never be able to live. We've all had to do things we're not proud of. That's what war can do – you know that. But you're here, you're alive, and you have a purpose if you have the courage to take that step. Most of all, you're a part of our big, dysfunctional family whether you like it or not. Mum worries about you a lot. Even dad now, sometimes. Harry means well when he wants to help, he's just not always great at going about it the best way."

"I don't want to make the wrong choice again. My past errors have made that quite evident, " Severus sighed, glancing back at Harry's slumbered form, who had now since ceased his nightmare-inducing jittery movements. Throughout the conversation, he realised he had been holding onto Harry's wrist, but he soon noticed Harry was slowly coming out of it observing a few stirs with the Gryffindor. Once he realised what he was doing, he placed his hands on his lap, not even wanting to meet Ginny's concerned gaze boring back into his soul.

Ginny shrugged at Severus' statement, "Either stay cooped up miserable at home alone or re-pursue your old job, which won't be the same. Don't waste your second chance wondering how to make it better, " She turned sharply towards him, "You make it seem like you have nothing left. You have opportunities. Who cares what the others think? It was Rita Skeeter who cast that doubt again, as she always bloody does...well, prove them all wrong. You're worth more than she'll ever be."

Severus was silently moved by Ginny's sentiment, but he tried not to let that show on the surface. Instead, he managed a small frown, "I don't care what others think. However, you shouldn't put so much faith in me."

"It's not a crime to. Besides, Hogwarts won't be the same without you."

"For the best."

Ginny shook her head rather adamantly, "No, it isn't."

He felt his heart beat uncomfortably faster within his chest, feeling the shame further flood every wrinkle and weary crevice upon his face, "You're far too optimistic. I plagued those halls for a year prior to my departure, and as you already know - I do not feel worthy to step foot back there. I still feel like a traitor and an intruder, both of which I have committed in the last hours I spent there under reign as Headmaster and Riddles' stooge."

He didn't even know why he was saying all of this to Ginny, rather than Harry himself. Perhaps he was so embarrassed with the way his life took a turn that admitting anything like this, caused him so much anguish and self-hatred. No words could fathom how much he hated himself at that moment. Perhaps he felt he could trust the woman enough to keep this between them because telling Harry any of this would completely destroy him.

Harry's wife continued to stare down Severus' gaze as if he was going mad, refusing to back down on her words. Ginny studied his face a little too closely, making him feel slightly uneasy with the amateur scrutiny.

It almost deterred his own focus, contemplating back to teaching the young woman, whose vivacious expression often challenged him. She had always been a decent student in his classes. Being a Weasley didn't leave her with such a mature reputation, but she at least had initiative enough not the cause mayhem like the twins often did. She did her work exceptionally well, and rarely questioned Severus' methods in class. That alone gave him a silent appreciation for her. One of the rare students he didn't have much of an issue with, besides the fact that she was a Gryffindor.

Why on earth did he know so many Gryffindors?! Oh, the irony.

She remained clasped onto Harry's hand, looking back at his now comfortable sleeping form as she continued, "You know when you caught, Neville, Luna, and I trying to steal the sword that night, I knew there had to be something more. When you sent us to Hagrid of all people, instead of the Carrows, I just...My gut was telling me that something wasn't right. You kept us all as safe as you could, in your own way. I know it didn't click as well as it should, but blimey, sir, if you were not on our side, we'd all be doomed. You have every right to be back there. You kept us safe, even if we didn't know it at the time."

"It is not as simple as you so presume it to be. I had a delicate duty to uphold."

"As one of your ex-students, yes, I have a right to say. Things are different now. You're not our enemy…You never were."

"We'll see. I might still come to regret the possibility, " Severus said, silkily.

"I don't think so. At least you can work with Harry and help him not lose his marbles. Just try and make things right between you two, first. You work well together when you're not at odds."

"Grave errors appear to be my unfortunate forte, Mrs…Ginny."

Ginny shook her head confidently, "The worst is over, isn't it? We all have a chance to move forward – even you, sir."

It was strange to think that Harry's wife made him feel unusually reassured as her statements continued with such velocity and firm resolve. Frankly, conversations with her in this way were rare, and it was obvious to him how many of Harry's values she shared. It was true they made a fitting partnership. Ginny helped keep Harry grounded and realistic, and Harry shared many of his compassionate and forgiving traits with her. It was easy to see how the both of them had grown to have such a deep love and respect for each other, growing with the maturity war had grimly shaped for them. She was confident, fiery, and brutally honest. He was reminded of some of her cheek as she used to display within his classes, but she was intelligent and free-thinking, not conforming so easily to others' opinions. And she wasn't afraid to call him out on his current attitude, which is likely what she would do for Harry.

War itself erased much of their childhood – relentlessly, and cruel. As much as he found their infuriating incompetence at times as his past students, no child deserved to be raised in such an upbringing surrounded by death and suffering. Severus himself knew that well enough. And he could tell war had made Ginny and Harry mature and battle-hardened far quicker than they should have.

During the conversation, however, he felt somewhat insulted by Ginny's bluntness, which was undeniably what he needed to shake him up. As much as that trait irritated him at times, in this incidence, it was silently appreciated. He wasn't going to take a light-hearted, sugar-coated approach, because that wasn't going to work well for anyone. But in all seriousness, that realism was the kind of drive that Harry had adopted, leaving Severus shockingly able to listen to Harry back when his life was hanging by a mere thread.

Ginny was undeniably correct - why was he so afraid to return to Hogwarts? He had so many reasons to be, but there was a bitter truth to her statement. Things were different, now. He, in a way, was. As much as he had difficulty admitting such a thing. It didn't seem real that the last time he spent there, was when the Death Eaters ran rampant in the school, with himself as the tyrant Headmaster. He didn't want that fate, but it was one thrust upon him by Albus himself in his dying plea to ensure the students were protected within his care. Another impossible task.

But what did he have to gain from returning? To prove Skeeter wrong? The thought of going up against that kind of public judgment again was sickening. He was tired of being judged. Condemned for things he had no control over. Painted as a murderer...an irredeemable person…a monster...

...All the more reason to return.

He had to face it. He knew that was no longer him. He knew he was not that same man walking the tightrope of Death Eater and resistance. He knew things really were different. He had to face his fears. Of rejection. Of belonging. What kind of pitiful man would he be if he couldn't face it? He was no coward. In turning away, he'd let everyone down. Minerva...Slytherin house...

...Harry. He couldn't bear the thought of letting him down again. For a sickening thought, maybe he did care what others thought of him.

Severus had a chance to turn his life around, but although it was not an easy choice to make, he had a lot more pondering left to do before he made his decision final.

Hearing enough, Severus warily rose to his feet, turning to face the door.

"Are you not staying, sir?"

Stopping at the doorway upon her voice, he turned slowly to face her for a final time, "He does not need to see me when he awakens. Neither one of us are ready. That's your task to manage for now, especially to keep him from doing anything further foolish."

With that, he took a last somber glance at the unconscious Harry knowing he was in safe hands, and left the bedroom. As he made his way down the hallway, he saw Teddy's head poke out from his bedroom door, curious to the commotion in the other room. With a brief sorrowful yet slightly bitter glance at the child, he continued past him, not wanting to say a single word that could potentially make things worse.

He had a lot to think about, and neither of his choices was simple.

Were they ever?

May 4th, 2002

[Dawn Rheingold]

"Ronald, on your left!"

"Reducto!" Ron's spell blasted into the side of the tree, as he darted ahead in his bid to catch up to the elusive dark wizards ahead of the pair.

Dawn hastily followed Ronald closely behind, casting non-verbal Shield Charms to protect them both as they ran. Her mud-covered boots pelted the soggy, stone and dirt ground, slick with the dew of the morning fog. Mud and blood splattered across her robes from an earlier scuffle with the perpetrators, but she didn't have time to clean herself up before they gave chase once more. Ron was the fastest of the two, so he pelted ahead quicker than her own legs could carry her.

"I thought you signaled for Des?!" Ron yelled breathlessly over his shoulder.

"I did!" Dawn threw a spell forward, littering the ground with transfigured glass shards from stones on their right, narrowly missing the enemies ahead, "Knowing him, he's probably taking a loo break or something."

Ron appeared to mumble a few expletives under his breath, both too winded to continue the conversation.

There were two dark wizards in front of them – those of which were seen at an old barn cornering another Muggleborn before the Aurors were alerted. The female offender was the first to dash, with the remaining three male dark wizards bolting with the chase that soon developed. Dawn's superior, Rowan Locke, gave chase to the silver-haired, lanky wizard, soon disappearing from their sights down another path. Raphael and Desmond stayed back with the terrified victim, whilst Dawn and Ron chased after the remaining two.

The pair of them had spent the last ten minutes in the chase that was quickly ending in their defeat. They had no idea what had become of Rowan, but they had a chance to reign these new enemies in. But they were soon becoming far too exhausted to continue, however as they fled deeper within the bordering woodlands, Ron had thrown a successful binding spell at the bulky male, causing him to crash loudly in a heap on the floor. Dawn winced, hearing the sickening snap of a bone or two.

The female continued to run, disapparating as soon as she reached an old, burnt-out tree.

Ron's Incarcerous caused vines to constrict against the struggling dark wizard, writhing around on the mud-covered ground. The man yelped in pain like a wounded animal.

"Expelliarmus!" Dawn barely managed to breathe the word out when a flick of her wand sent the enemies' own flying well beyond reach. The man tried to lunge at her in desperate retaliation but failed miserably and Dawn grew angry, "Don't you bloody dare!"

The man bared his teeth, with Dawn noticing a golden tooth behind his split, bleeding lip. "Wench!"

"Oi!" Ron snapped, jabbing the end of his wand into the man's neck, "What were you up to back there?!"

"Ronald – " Dawn warningly crinkled her brow, " – I think it's best we wait for the others."

Ron didn't dare take his eyes off the man, glaring darkly at their newly captured suspect, "No way. We have one now. This can't wait."

Ignoring Ron's response, she flickered her wand again, sending the man tumbling backward in a powerful body bind, with a second flick, encased the man's head with a stone seal. She wasn't going to take any chances if she was to prevent the man from overhearing them. She turned to Ron, casting occasional cautious glances at the bound man to ensure he stayed put, "We can't interrogate him here."

"Why not? I don't see the problem."

"I do, Ron, " Dawn said, warningly, "We might not be alone here – we're horribly exposed. We need to drag him back with us. The escaped one may come back to bite us with reinforcements if we're not careful."

"We'll bring him back with us, but can we at least ask a few questions to him first? Once he ends up at the Ministry for trial, we may not get that chance. If he even gets to a trial, without them throwing his backside straight to Azkaban."

Dawn drew in a measured, deep breath, feeling her heart still racing from the adrenaline of the chase, "I want answers as much as you do, but we must take caution."

"We will, " Ron said quickly, retrieving the man's wand with a flick of his own, "Just a few questions, that's all. Now's our chance to get something worthwhile out of him."

There was a tense pause between the two of them and Dawn's mind was clearly conflicted. A small voice in the back of her mind knew he was right, and sometimes it was wise to take the rare opportunity presented. After all, if they were able to finally procure a decent lead, then that nugget of information would be worthwhile to their case. Dawn was usually a strict woman, who knew not to put a toe out of line. She loved her job too much to go up against it. But this situation was quickly becoming dire, and their newest victim almost succumbed to whatever their agenda was.

They had to know. And now, she finally had a chance to discover it.

"Alright, fine, " Dawn shuffled up her sleeves slightly, "But I will do the questioning, so curb your tongue until I say otherwise. We need to approach this delicately."

Ron opened his mouth to respond but soon closed it, motioning to the man encased on the floor. Dawn stared at Ron for a few moments with her usual piercing gaze, hoping he would at least tame himself from the task. Dawn was the most experienced out of the two, and Ron had never done any interrogating before. He was not quite ready for such a task despite his own adrenaline, so Dawn took it upon herself to take charge of the situation. Ron was simply far too new.

Dawn took a few steps closer to the man on the floor and flickered her wand allowing the head casing to vanish and his head to move, however, the remainder of his body stayed in the bind. "Listen closely and listen well. Make this simple and you won't have to deal with us again."

The man on the ground gave an ugly sneer and harked up a sickening phlegm, spitting directly in Dawn's face. Ron lunged at the man in her defence, but Dawn in all of her fresh fury knelt down and wedged her hand with a pincer grip on what she suspected was his shattered ankle. The man winced in pain, doubling over immediately.

Dawn wiped the spit from her face with the sleeve of her robe, and bared her teeth, placing her arm out for Ron to stay back. Her blue eyes ablaze with fury at the accused, "Do that childish stunt again, you bastard, and I'll ensure your other ankle breaks. You've been warned."

"Whatever, just bloody get it done with, " The man growled under his breath.

Semi-satisfied, Dawn raised her eyebrow, wedging her wand within his collarbone, "Name."

The man curled his upper lip, "Sigma."

…You've got to be kidding me. Dawn rolled her eyes, "Real name."

There was a breath-filled pause, "…Felix."

"Surname?"

"Not telling."

Dawn squeezed her hand again against the man's ankle, hearing another outraged, expletive-filled cry, "I will not ask again."

Gritting his teeth, the man known as Felix, managed to get his breath back, "…Conroy."

"Alright, Felix Conroy, " Dawn narrowed her eyes, which gleamed in succession for the task, "Who are your cohorts?"

"I don't know."

"Load of rubbish!" Ron interjected, earning a glare from Dawn.

Dawn turned back to Felix with almost a dangerous smirk upon her face, "You can do better than that, Felix."

The man huffed under his breath, "I swear, I don't bloody know! We usually go by nicknames."

Dawn couldn't help but clench her jaw, knowing full well this was not going to be easy, "Please tell me you are joking?"

"Does it look like I'd be joking, with your bloody hand on my bloody ankle!?"

Much to her frustrated reluctance, she released her hold slightly on him and tilted her head, "Were you tasked to kill the Muggleborn? Kidnap? Assault?"

The man drew a deep sigh, "You got two right."

Feeling annoyed with the man already, Dawn looked at Ron and gave him a small nod, giving her partner a chance to question the imbecile at their mercy.

Ron, understanding what that meant, clenched his fist at his side, "Who sent you?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, come on!" Ron was quite evidently frustrated, and Dawn knew full well he was minutes away from plummeting Felix to the ground. Ron's fiancé was a Muggleborn, so she knew this was now a personal affair. But she would oversee to ensure Ron at least remained decent in this scenario.

"I mean it, I don't know!" Felix shouted, eventually taking a few moments to compose himself, "Everyone is codenamed, so our true identities are not known to each other."

"So, there are more of you?" Dawn said.

Felix nodded, "Yes…but I don't know numbers."

"What are your goals?" Dawn responded again, harshly.

Felix gave a cold laugh, "Is it not obvious? You seriously can't be that stupid. You'd think the Auror department would have more brains after a War!"

Ron sighed rather frustratingly, "Your leader, whoever they are – what name do they go by?"

"Now, you're just going to have to kill me, " Felix sneered, looking rather joyous, "I've told you enough."

Feeling fired up within her core, she could hear the pelting of boots behind them to see Desmond and Rowan hastily making their way towards them. But Dawn caught sight of something on Felix's sleeve which resembled a creature with scales, but as Dawn blinked, the image on the man's pale skin begin to fade. Confused, she looked at Felix - who caught her curiosity - displayed such an ugly grin knowing full well she had noticed something she could not explain.

"Great work, you two, " Rowan was able to catch up to them, sporting a bloodied sleeve.

Dawn frowned at her superior given the state he arrived in, "Are you alright?"

"Fine, fine. Except for the part when the one I was pursuing, got away. Desmond arrived before I was incapacitated, " Rowan looked down at the man bound at their feet, "Good. I would have been rather displeased if all four of them escaped us."

"Well, let's alert the council. As much as I wish it were legal, we can't just shove a bottle o' Veritaserum down 'is throat, " Desmond moved to fold up his sleeves, looking a little worse for wear and simply frustrated with the entire situation.

"Round him up. Raphael escorted the victim to St. Mungos for evaluation. I suggested to him we'd meet him there, " Rowan stated, urgently, "Make haste. Perhaps we may discover something after all."

That, I think we did.

Rowan and Desmond assisted to take the man to the Ministry holding bay for assessment, leaving Dawn and Ron to meet with Raphael. But as her superior and Desmond disapparated away, she turned to Ron with a whisper, with worry etched across her face, "See what you can discover of this Felix fellow…I don't even know if Felix is his real name. It just seems…off. I can't quite place it."

There was a small pause between them, until Ron tilted his head slightly to one side, "What is it you know?"

"Honestly, I don't really know for certain…" Dawn bit her lip, hesitating in divulging more to Ron. But something told her deep down that Ron could be trusted., and she was confident with that. She closed her eyes briefly, "I saw something on his arm…a marking…"

"Tell me it's a Dark Mark, and I'm going to lose it, "Ron's eyes bulged in disbelief.

Dawn shook her head, "No, that wasn't it. I didn't see the entire thing, because when I looked again, the mark had vanished."

Ron looked confused, "Are you – "

" – Sure? Yes, I'm sure I saw something there. I didn't imagine it, Ronald. It was there."

"Alright. What do you suggest?"

Dawn paused in thought for a moment, "Try and see what you can discover with him. Felix. Meanwhile, I've got a mark to find. If I can find out what it is, then maybe, that can steer us in the right direction. Tattoos don't just disappear on a whim. If it bears some resemblance to the Dark Mark, then that thing is bloody well cursed, and we might have more of an idea of what we are up against."

"And yet you are keeping this a secret."

"Look, I don't like to withhold information from my team, but I'm not sure what I saw. Once I'm certain of it, I will feel more confident to disclose it to Rowan. For now, I'm just speculating. Like we have been for months, " Dawn twirled her ivory wand almost anxiously within her mud-cased hands, "If this leads to something, we may finally have a break in the case. I'm tired of these dead ends and chasing our tails."

"Okay, " Ron nodded, his frown set within his face, "I'll see what I can find. What of the mark? Do you think it's the Death Eaters again?"

Dawn appeared uncertain, giving herself time to look around the clearing to ensure it was safe enough to say. She felt uneasy with the entire situation, and the desire to know more burned deep within her, but she knew that they were all far from the truth, "I do not know, Ronald. It feels different this time. If it is them, then they are operating differently. I mean, code names? It could be a ruse. This going to take far longer to figure out than we realised."

"You got a point, " Ron hesitated for a moment, "Especially about the fewer people know, the better. You're right, if this is another movement, we have to be careful about this."

"And now is the time to be crafty, " Dawn said seriously, "If your father has any news, or someone else you might know that does, discover what you can. As subtly as possible. Alright?"

Ron nodded, shoving his hands within his pockets, although looking grim, "I'll do that."

"Good, " Dawn was pleased by his efforts and willingness to assist. She knew she could trust him because she knew of his firsthand experiences with Voldemort himself. There was something unique about him that enabled Dawn to draw in his loyalty and devotion to the cause. His experience with Harry – The Boy Who Lived – gave him honest credibility. He was genuine. And if Ron could sense the similarities of this movement, then Dawn found a worthy ally. As much as she had faith in her team, knowing the capabilities of this leader and the mysterious disillusionment charm masking these Muggleborn murders, there were very limited people who she could fully place her trust in.

Sometimes there were things even the Ministry should not know. At least, not yet. Not unless there were facts, and in their case, they were running blindly.

Far too many things went wrong during the Second War, and she did not want history repeating itself.

Not if she could help it.