PearlM21: Yep, the influx of new werewolves will be a conundrum as there is so much to consider, but it will definitely be a learning curve for the school and test of boundaries of how much they will be able to handle it.
Authors note: Here's a huge behemoth of a chapter, but it was so much fun to write! Wonderful developments are happening, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.
"Sometimes the universe is waiting for us to let go so that it can give us something new."
– Andhika Ramadhian
CHAPTER 28: The Shadows Behind Me
December 14th, 2002
[Dawn Rheingold]
The winter days had begun to settle in, and Dawn's favorite holiday drew near. She was always rather fond of Christmas and her memories of a wintery feast with her entire family always warmed her heart and made her feel very nostalgic. Watching Rubeus begin to drag in giant Christmas trees across the snow-covered grounds always brought a smile to her face, feeling like a child once again. She hoped to spend a few extra days at Hogwarts during the holidays, but considering her younger brother was due to arrive from Sweden with his long-time girlfriend, she wanted to ensure she spent the day with them at the very least. Or else she'd get angry at her brother for not popping the question after all that time.
That Saturday afternoon was spent prepping the school for their Christmas break with the other members of staff. With Poppy busy placing anti-freeze charms on her flora in the herbology greenhouses with Neville, Filius and Varick were assisting Rubeus in setting up the Great Hall for their usual Christmas decorations – much to Dawn's excitement. Gregory was assisting Irma with a library count and resecuring the Restricted Section. Argus Filch was dusting the fourth corridor, with Mrs. Norris hissing at wayward students as they treaded through. Rolanda was placing wards upon the Quidditch pitch and the equipment stalls, so no student tried to break in and steal anything. Aurora was assisting in clearing some of the unused classrooms and maintaining the ones still active for classes. Horace was checking the potion's private stores. Harry was tasked with doing a visual sweep of the Gryffindor Common room to ensure things were tidy and clean, and everything was kept in reasonable order. Last year she had found stacks of Weasley's prank items, much to her adamance of allowing such things to be there. She wasn't a fan of prank objects, as most of them had the potential for harm.
But most of Hogwarts was almost ready for Christmas break. After all, there was another week left until the students departed for home.
Minerva had made a few appearances throughout the day, giving orders to the staff to ensure that things were running smoothly with no mishaps. Dawn, like Aurora, had just finished clearing away some of her artifacts within the Defence Classroom when she was informed that Severus was in the potions labs topping up some of the medicinal potions for the Hospital Wing.
Dawn trailed down the spiral staircase to the dungeons, being somewhat grateful she didn't have to venture down there so often. Once she reached one of the main potions classrooms, she rapt on the old wooden door several times, despite it being half ajar. As she entered, she saw Severus darting from one cauldron to another, adding ingredients where he could without more than a second thought. He appeared so immersed in his task, that he didn't notice her standing there. Something about his deep concentration on the task, made her crack a smile, savoring the minutes of watching him move around.
Severus' sleeves were rolled up, half-obscuring the faint Dark Mark upon his left forearm. The sight took her aback.
Eventually, Severus turned and finally took notice of her, but the expression on his face told her that he knew she was already there. "Word ahead of time would have been sufficient."
Dawn stepped inside the classroom and walked closer to him, blunt heels clicking against the stone floor as she went, "Oh, my apologies for the intrusion, Severus…Minerva told me you have been slaving away in here all day. I figured you could use some assistance."
Appearing mildly irritated and unable to shake his new guest, Severus nudged in the direction of the cauldron on the far end where its flames had already been extinguished. "Bottle that potion up, if you will."
"Of course, " Dawn smiled, and immediately began to place down empty vials from the rack above her and used the dropper to fill them up with the sea green colored substance, smelling oddly like banana. Severus still hadn't noticed his exposed sleeve and she tried her best to catch glimpses of it ever so subtly, but the man moved around too quickly for her to see it.
"So, Cyrus knocked the Campbells down yesterday right before curfew, " Dawn spoke, almost a little too proudly. Technically it shouldn't have warranted any excitement but considering the young Slytherin had been the target of Gryffindor's notorious bullies for years, it definitely needed some acknowledgment. The child held his own and largely due to something she had a hand in.
Severus suddenly stopped what he was doing and turned his attention to her, "Care to elaborate?"
"I taught him the Shield Charm earlier in the year when I caught him all beaten up one night, " Dawn slid aside some of the filled vials, casting some pleased glances his way, "Turns out he was able to utilise it after all. He did rather well."
"Slytherins are more resilient than we are initially perceived."
"Oh, I do not doubt that at all, " Dawn agreed, "I am more surprised he followed my advice, actually."
"We tend to do so when all other options have been exhausted, " Severus' voice trailed, as he added a yellow powder to one of the cauldrons.
Dawn had since finished bottling up her potions and shuffled them into a neat, single pile. Withdrawing her wand, she flickered it over the dirty cauldron and cast a cleaning charm upon it. She turned to Severus' side and began to remove the soiled equipment, helping him clear as he went, "So, Severus, will you be here through Christmas?"
The man, although focused on the softly simmering amber potion in front of him, tilted his head over to one side. He raised a single brow, "I haven't decided. I may stay for a duration, but I will require a visit to my property to ensure everything is as I left it."
Severus continued to work away, transfixed with his task. Although her presence appeared less of an annoyance to the man, she was grateful that at least he was becoming more accepting of her company over time. His general anger and impatience around her slowly began to subside and now she felt like she didn't have to so much as walk on eggshells around him. However, most of the time it was very difficult to read him and gauge his reactions. More often than not it was a leap of faith, as to his behavior, and sometimes, he surprised even her. Regardless, she always kept calm and measured and refused to be deterred by his short temper. She was patient with him and that would never cease.
Dawn's blue eyes fleeted from the Mark upon his arm, and back to his face. There was a moment frozen in time, where she and Severus locked eyes. His own froze, caught off guard almost like a deer in headlights. She lowered her voice to a soft murmur, treading carefully, "That's it, isn't it?"
Severus' hand twitched as it rested upon the wooden table, but he soon realised the faint scar of the Mark could just be seen, uncovering a portion of the snake's face. He swallowed uncomfortably, reaching over to roughly pull down his sleeve and averting his eyes away so shamefully.
"Severus, it's alright, " Dawn spoke gently, noticing Severus' slight panic.
The man frowned deeply, quickly fastening the button to his wrist, "Not to me."
Dawn's hand shuffled slightly upon the table tempted to reach over, run her fingers against the man's pale forearm and over the scar that left him so obviously filled with grief for so many long years. The urge to do so was great. But it would have not boded well for him if she did. He required patience and space, and she was going to ensure she did the best she could to respect him for that.
Realising now was not the time, she retracted her hand and placed it gently on the wooden bench, "You need not have to hide it from me."
Severus looked livid – not with her, but with himself. It was clear to her that he was angry with himself for allowing such a vulnerable piece of his past to become so exposed.
She turned from the bench and gently leaned back upon it with her eyes still transfixed cautiously on the man. But her expression now was that of admiration and she couldn't help but offer a friendly, warming smile towards him, "You're an impressive man, Severus."
The man's lips pinched almost in disgust but said nothing. It was obvious that he did not believe such a thing and Dawn's heart sunk a little.
However, Dawn continued, "Harry has so much respect for you, and I can see the admiration there when he mentions you. Don't sell yourself short."
"We've endured much together, " Severus spoke fondly, with a small tug of his lips. His eyes exuded nostalgia, even perhaps of happier times. But there was no doubt a longing seen deep within them.
Dawn raised her chin, to carefully observe him, "That, I understand. You have a deep connection that is fortified. Honest."
Severus paused to study the intriguing woman before him. He couldn't help but prod further, "You are highly observant."
"My job requires me to be. I am glad he has you and you have him."
Severus hesitated, unable to take his eyes off from her in his intrigue as if she was something he'd never seen before, "Why do you care about helping me? You don't even know me."
Dawn gave a small, casual shrug, "I'm drawn to people who need help and that is not limited to my students or my job. You, I see, struggle with re-adapting back to Hogwarts after all that went down."
"I am not a pity case and I do not need help, " Severus scoffed, "I have enough Gryffindors imposing on my life already."
Dawn couldn't help but chuckle, "Considering how bloody stubborn you are, it's warranted. Look, they all mean well."
"I am aware, however, it's…overwhelming, " Severus flinched at his own word, with a slight realisation of that admittance.
Dawn nodded sympathetically, "Well, get used to it. Only Argus should obtain the award for the grumpiest person at Hogwarts. There isn't room for the two of you, Merlin forbid."
Severus' face was deadpan, "That's because I get the award for the most miserable bastard."
She scrunched up her face amusingly, taking note of the man's sudden bout of humor, "Misery loves company, but unfortunately for you, it's mine."
"I've since accepted my fate of not being able to get rid of Gryffindors. The bane of my existence."
"Oh, come on, Severus, " Dawn nudged the man almost playfully on his arm, earning a strange, hooded look in return, but she also noticed him recoil slightly at the gesture, "We're not that bad."
The man appeared to roll his eyes, "I'll be the judge of that."
Removing a wisp of her hair from her face, she straightened her posture, "Anyway, I have intruded on your space for long enough this evening. If you require a hand for brewing, you know where to find me. Please take care of yourself, Severus. I'll see you in the Great Hall for the feast tonight."
Severus opened his mouth to speak, and after some hesitation, he nodded, "Thank you…For the company."
"Ah, so you can be gratuitous, " Dawn responded, with a bit of cheek.
The man stared at her for a time, before his tense demeanor eventually softened, "When it matters."
Dawn smiled at Severus warmly, before turning on her heel, "Anytime."
He didn't know it, but Dawn was proud of him, too.
Extremely proud.
December 16th, 2002
[Harry Potter]
Harry wasn't having a great morning so far.
Monday mornings' study period lessons with the NEWT students went reasonably well enough, but his focus in recent days hadn't done him wonders. He was incredibly exhausted and emotionally spent and the memories of Voldemort once tainting his mind, still overwhelmed him sometimes. It was hard to fathom a piece of him ever resided there and even still to this day, the shadow of it felt like a stain on his own soul. The thought disgusted him and made him feel dirty, even.
Severus' Occlumency lessons had been unexpectedly wearing and the man himself even questioned how much effort it took to pierce into his mind. For something that should not have been so difficult to do, Severus was not as successful as he initially anticipated it to be. But he did appreciate the man's perseverance and dedication to fixing this problem, because the idea of Harry locking memories and emotions away as he did for so many years, struck an unnerving chord within him.
Harry did, however, have a lot on his mind. As the months rolled by within his return to Hogwarts, he was still a little homesick, and his urge to see Ginny and his Godson was almost too great to bear. Sometimes he'd wished to snuggle with her, holding his wife so closely as if it was the last thing he would ever see. He knew the Christmas holidays were fast approaching and that did give him the drive he needed to focus on the next school break. Minerva had urged him to go home for the holidays, and he wasn't about to protest that offer.
Every single day he missed his family – his beautiful wife and inquisitive Godson. He couldn't wait to see them both and to wake up to them every single day rather than by himself in Gryffindor Tower. It was his motivation for pushing through each day and that's all he really desired most of all.
He loved his job – but he loved his family far more.
Lunchtime came around and Harry decided to sit in the vacant chair next to Neville in the Great Hall. He took notice of Severus sitting by himself on the other side spearing a pork sausage to oblivion much to Harry's amusement. His morning must have been just as rough, but upon meeting each other's gaze, the man merely raised an eyebrow in silent recognition.
Ah, yes. Another Occlumency lesson tonight. He almost forgot of course, and Harry nodded in return. He didn't fancy playing a game of mind charades over the staff table with the Potions Master, but the sentiment made Harry chuckle under his breath.
Neville noticed the exchange between them. His voice broke through Harry's thoughts with a small nudge of his arm, "Everything alrigh' between you two?"
Harry reached for a ham and cheese croissant on the platter in front of him, "Yeah, everything's fine. He's helping me with a few things. It's…complicated."
Neville had been well aware of Harry's struggles since the War, even if he wasn't as open about it as he'd like. Neville knew Sirius' loss had hit him hard and he tried his best to keep Harry in good spirits, which he appreciated. Sometimes he felt a little guilty for feeling like a bad friend and becoming so withdrawn from it, but Neville was understanding and gave him the space he needed to grieve where he could. Since beginning their teaching careers, Neville and Harry would hang out at least once a week, either swapping Bertie Botts within his quarters, walking around the lake or even hanging out at Hogsmeade just talking. It was reassuring to know he had someone on this strange journey, as irony would have it. But Neville was kind and considerate and helped set Harry's mind at ease when he needed it.
He didn't say it often enough, but he appreciated Neville's support more than he'd ever know.
"I'm glad to hear it. At least he's been less angry in recent weeks, that I've noticed, " Neville responded, lowering his voice so their conversation was not overheard, "Maybe adjusting back hasn't been so bad for him."
"Don't you dare tell him that, Neville. He'll kill you, " Harry mused. He was right, though. Severus has since become more accepting of his return and appeared less anxious and jittery around familiar faces. He took each day as it came and found that man was getting better at dealing with his situation. After their conversation about Severus' admittance to move on, he understood that the man took that straight to heart and was determined to see to it as best as he could. Because even he was tired of feeling the way he did, and Harry felt that to his bones.
"Nah, he won't, " Neville challenged, rather confidently, "Honestly, he hasn't been too bad towards me. I've sorta been trying to do some things for him and stay tolerable. I think it's working."
"Well, considering he doesn't have a choice with you as a colleague, I think he's trying his best to just deal with it, " Harry said, with a mouthful, "Even though he won't tell you, I'm sure he appreciates what you do."
"I'm not a bumbling eleven-year-old anymore and I think that's hit him."
Harry nodded, before changing the subject, "So, have you planned your day with Hannah?"
He had chatted with Neville several days ago who had excitedly announced to him with a ring ready for Hannah Abbott and to pop the question in her hand in marriage. The joyous grin on Neville's face was something he would never forget, and his eyes lit up in pure happiness. Words couldn't describe how happy he was for him, and Hannah was a lovely woman who shared many similar interests as he did. Another couple with marriage on the cards and he was incredibly proud of how far Neville has come. Sometimes he felt like Neville was far braver than himself and yet that didn't bother him in the slightest. Turns out he was very much looking forward to Christmas break, as he was.
Neville had grown up into a happy, carefree, confident young man. Someone warm-hearted, kind, and sympathetic. Hannah was a lucky woman.
Neville was nonchalant, much to Harry's surprise, "I actually haven't planned much at all. You know me and planning...I'm horrid with that. But I did discover an open reserve for magical creatures somewhere along the coast of Ireland, which I think she'll love. It's run by Magizoologists and Handlers, and they are well-protected and safe from Muggles. They have an exotic garden there, too, with some rare plants I've never seen before."
"Turns out you have more planned than you think, " Harry was definitely impressed, "That sounds perfect, Neville. Hannah will be speechless."
"Merlin, I hope not!" Neville's eyes widened. He was still evidently nervous about it as any new couple would be, but Harry recalled how nervous he was popping the same question to Ginny. He was definitely sweating that day, especially knowing Ginny's entire family was present at the Quidditch match he proposed in. He couldn't even believe he did it.
"You'll be better than fine. Trust me on that."
Neville drew in a nervous breath and nodded. They continued the conversation, with Neville mentioning Luna still abroad in North-Eastern Europe and then with great delight, reached into his pockets, and placed several familiar oddly shaped cards on the table.
They were Chocolate Frog cards. Of them.
Harry was stunned by what he was seeing, "What? When did this happen?"
With a wild grin, Neville picked up the one with Luna's moving face on them, waving, with her large turnip earrings and starfishes in her hair, "They only came out a few months ago. Hannah told me about them when a kid she was looking after, had one of Kingsley as the new Minister. Then I bought one for myself and ended up with Luna. How fantastic is that?!"
Harry sifted the few cards Neville had, and an odd, embarrassed flush tinged his cheeks when he discovered one with his own face on it. He was smiling back at himself, wearing the same set of formal robes which he wore to the awarding ceremony for his Order of Merlin, "…This is really bizarre."
He flipped the card over and read the back: 'Harry Potter - The Boy Who Lived, defeated Voldemort on May 2nd, 1998, signaling the end of the Second War. He was awarded Order of Merlin, First Class for his heroism, bravery, and comradery.'
"I haven't found myself yet, but I did find George's and Nymphadora Tonk's, " Neville said, "Even Severus has one too, so I've heard."
Harry chuckled under his breath, "Oh, he's going to be thrilled about that."
"I'll let you know when I've found him, " Neville stole a glance in Severus' direction and was relieved to find they weren't being watched. "Quite exciting, isn't it? I've found a new hobby."
Harry laughed away, making finishing lunch a little difficult. It was terrible enough having volumes of books, newspaper articles, and radio biographies of his life and efforts through the War, but to know that they even had Chocolate Frog cards with their names, made things feel quite strange. Four years later and people still talked about it as if it happened yesterday. Of course, there was no secluded life for Harry Potter, who would still be approached at Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley quite frequently. It still never got any easier, but he wasn't good at dealing with anything fame related. In the back of his mind, he could hear Lockhart relishing in that.
Leaving Neville to finish lunch, Harry removed himself from the Great Hall and sent another letter to Ginny before classes again for the after-lunch period. He knew Ginny would have a field day with what Neville told him and he was curious as to what she had to say.
Gin,
We have Chocolate Frog cards, now?
Neville discovered them and has one of me, Luna, and Tonks. It's so weird!
I wouldn't know what to do if Ted gets a hold of his parents on them.
But…cards with our faces on them?!
Am I the only one who finds this odd?
Love, Harry
Harry didn't know whether to laugh or be highly embarrassed. At that moment, it was a bit of both. He finished scribbling the letter and sent it away with Godric, still feeling the heat upon his cheeks.
Once his lunch break was officially over, he strolled down to the Defence classroom and met with Dawn who appeared to be in very good spirits. She was just as secretive as Severus these days, but she appeared a little more untroubled and less bogged down by stress. In this way, she had a strange new energy within her, causing her to move swiftly around the class during the First Year lesson with the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs, lecturing them about ghosts.
Over the last few weeks, he had noticed her engaging more with Severus, much to his surprise. Given how dismissive he was with her initially, this had been a nice welcome development. He was in fact, pleased by that. Severus needed to learn to trust someone else and have faith in someone else who truly and genuinely wanted to be there for him. Dawn was a very compassionate and patient woman and knew how to console someone when they needed it. She was authoritative and astute, yet soft, carefree, and empathetic. Qualities were endearing, especially for a bitter, often recluse man like Severus.
Maybe her influence would do him some good because sometimes Harry felt like his own was never enough.
As soon as class ended, Godric arrived to deliver another letter. This time, a response from his wife.
Harry,
Yes, I know! George told me. He found one with Dad on it, and we laughed for ages. In good spirits, of course. It really is a wonderful idea. George was jealous he didn't get to think of that first.
Besides, your face has been planted everywhere else, and you're worried about it being on a card?
At least they weren't written by Rita Skeeter.
…Thank Merlin for that.
See you soon, my love! And stay out of trouble, at least until Christmas break.
Ginny xx
Harry beamed, holding the letter for a few more moments feeling more excited to see her as the days rolled by. He scanned the letter again, absorbing the familiar scrawl within his mind until he sealed it away in the box he kept with all of her previous ones. He always kept her letters, especially during the incidences where he'd spend time away from her, such as his future now at Hogwarts.
At least, she was not far away.
When the lessons ended for the day and the dinner within the Great Hall came to a close – not after having to break up a few Slytherins to some Ravenclaws during a Quidditch practice scuffle – he made his way down to Severus' private quarters for the next Occlumency lesson. As much as he really didn't mind the dungeons, he was very much looking forward to the warmer months when they could resume their lessons back at the Astronomy Tower.
Narrowly avoiding Argus Filch's glare of disapproval on the way down, Harry picked up his pace and rounded the corner until he reached Severus' familiar black oak door with a faded silver handle curved to resemble that of a snake. Tapping his wand on the hand, the doorhandle glowed green, and Harry was granted access inside. Severus was already re-fuelling the fireplace with firewood as he entered, barely acknowledging Harry with the most irate of glares.
"Evening, sir, " Harry greeted, still with the image of the Chocolate Frog cards in his mind where somewhere out there, was one that existed with Severus' face on it.
"You're late."
"Only by ten minutes, " Harry shrugged, glancing out of the small window with its view directly from under the Black Lake. Green and blue-hued lights danced around the floors of Severus' quarters, setting Harry's mind at ease. As much as he loved the landscape views from the tower, the views from under the lake were indeed mesmerising and calming and reminded Harry of an old purple lava lamp Dudley used to have in his room. Occasionally he would see schools of fish swim by, even the odd school of Merpeople when they swam too close to the school. If he squinted hard enough, he could spot a faint tentacle from the Giant Squid in the distance.
"I could do a lot in ten minutes, " Severus said, tight-lipped.
Harry lowered his head a little sheepishly, "Sorry."
Severus waved his hand dismissively, soon taking his usual seat in front of him. The man rested his elbows on his knees and stared directly into Harry's eyes. His usually smooth, baritone voice sounded wary, "So, how are you managing your classes thus far?"
Harry took a moment to ponder, "Honestly, they've been fine. Dawn let me teach a few classes on my own and I've managed it better than I thought I would."
"Her intuition is sound, " Severus said. Harry could see something different within the way he spoke. It was difficult to place exactly what that was, but all he could gather was that he didn't speak it in such contempt as he often did.
So, Harry continued, "She's taught me a lot since I started. I mean, okay, I still get a bit anxious teaching sometimes. But she just has a way of knowing when to tell me to slow down or take a minute. She's very good at what she does."
The wrinkles between the man's eyes creased slightly, "So I've heard."
Harry's lips curved, "And you're not avoiding her as you used to. So, I've seen."
Severus pursed his lips, quite obviously irked with the subtle mock, "Unfortunately my return at Hogwarts means I must tolerate my colleagues, much to my displeasure."
"Tolerate. Right, " Harry responded, earning a not-so-nice glare from the man himself. He sighed, "It's a good thing, Severus. The less you're snapping at everyone in your path, the better you'll feel. You've managed to tone it down a little and people seem a little more normal around you now."
Severus tensely clenched his jaw but said nothing. He was clearly not happy about it.
Harry softened his voice, "Just, keep at it, yeah? You'll thank yourself later for it."
Shaking his head almost in disbelief and sneering to himself, Severus withdrew his wand, "Ready to brace yourself again? I'll need an ice-pick to hack further into that noggin of yours."
"Hey, my noggin still has some things buried in there, " Harry scrunched up his face, "Just, at least let me leave tonight with something else?"
Feeling a light comforting tap on his shoulder, Severus ushered 'Legilimens', and soon enough, Harry's mind had misted over, delving, and pulling himself back into the familiar confines of his mind space.
He found himself back at the beachside – it seems this was where his mind space would take him. He really didn't mind it, though, as it was a peaceful place. But somewhere within the echoes, he could hear Severus' attempt to break through again. It really did sound like someone scratching through the ice, sending strange shivers down his spine. As Harry turned his head in this odd dream-like state, he noticed a wall of ice twisting and turning like a labyrinth. This must be what his fortifications looked like. With each passing of memories that floated by, he tried to close his eyes again and focus on the events from his past which were hazy to him. Things he could recall in all of its vagueness yet could never recollect the details.
Hedwig died…But how? Moody? He remembered the sky chase after the Order of the Phoenix rushed him away from Privet Drive that night, but he didn't remember what happened. Who else was there? Who got injured? How did they even escape?
He just couldn't remember for the life of him.
Harry tried to focus on that event to assist Severus in his search, but nothing seemed to work. He tried to clear his mind, but that was useless given all of the memories that were drifting by like clouds. He wasn't sure how he could achieve this, but something had to give.
But instead, and suddenly, images of the Resurrection Stone burst into the forefront of his mind. All the times he picked it up, desperate to use, but never did. All the times he sat in front of it, weeping, tearing his hair at the insanity of its temptation.
Harry was immediately yanked from the mind space –
" - Hey, Severus, what – "
When everything came back into view, all he could see was Severus' face full of anger inches away from his own face, "You kept the stone?!"
"Well, yeah, I wasn't exactly going to just chuck it out – "
" - Get rid of it, Potter!"
Harry shook his head stubbornly, "I don't want to!"
Severus looked livid and Harry saw the frightening whites of his eyes, "Stop holding on to such things! It will only drive you mad, if not already! Anyone with half a brain would know how that ends."
Harry sighed, exasperatingly, "I know, but I just…Can't."
"What do you mean, you can't? No excuses!" Severus bared his teeth, "Give it to me and I'll dispose of it."
"No, no one is touching it but me, " Harry snapped, defensively, "It's sealed away. I haven't used it."
Severus' lips quivered, "Are you hearing yourself? This is madness! It's a fool's artifact – "
Harry frowned deeply, "You're supposed to help me find my lost memories, not judge me for the things I do remember!"
"I'm not judging – "
" – Will you just keep going? Please?"
Harry and Severus stared at each other for a time, both taking the moment to calm themselves. Harry's nostrils flared in a slow-bubbling anger and Severus lividly pinched the bridge of his hooked nose. Harry knew it looked bad, but he was only mad that Severus happened to see it. He didn't want anyone else knowing and he had already had this kind of conversation with his wife. The last thing he needed was the same lecture from Severus himself. He knew it was a problem, but he wanted to deal with it in his own way when he was ready.
Not on Severus' terms, not on Ginny's terms, but on his own.
Severus' gaze lingered upon Harry; his eyes reading his every expression. He was mad, he knew that already. There was a slight bit of shame that Harry felt knowing that he knew he still possessed it. But either way, knowing how angry Severus was about it, hit him a little harder than he expected.
"Sit proper and relax your shoulders, " Severus spoke, silkily. The man was trying his best to ignore what he had just seen, but there was no denying the ill feelings there and the inability to follow such advice.
Harry did as he was told and with Severus' command, he was once again pulled back into his mind space.
More swirls of memories floated by lazily, like a slow-moving fog. He could hear echoes of conversations with them, allowing himself to smile at some of the things he could still remember. Like his dreaded Yule Ball dance. Or the Duelling Club. Or this disastrous first date with Cho. Or the Slug Club. Things he was thankful he could still remember, but he realised that those events were mediocre at best. They were simple points in time, without the tragic losses that accompanied them. That was why he could remember them.
Because they didn't cause him pain.
Hence why he also could not remember the faces of those he lost – because his mind was blocking them out, protecting him from the grief of it all. Remembering Sirius had been difficult and losing him was one of the hardest things of all to face. He couldn't bear any loss, but Sirius was his family, and the thought of the diminished hopes of what could have been, hurt him deeply.
With Severus chipping away in the back of his mind, a memory whirled in front of him, drawing him deeper into what the image was showing him.
He found himself back at the Ministry. The Department of Mysteries. Exactly where he did not want to be.
Dangerous balls of light exploded all around him. There was a battle…He barely remembered what happened here. He remembered Prophecy Balls…Death Eaters…Who was there? Was Tonks there? He wasn't even sure. The memory itself was hazy, but he knew Severus had uncovered one he had forgotten. The man was well-focused – Harry knew this by the lack of sarcastic narration. He heard the manic laughter from Bellatrix and Dolohov's taunts. Lucius Malfoy was there, too.
How did Harry even get there?
Oh, there was Luna. And Neville. And Ginny. Ron and Hermione, of course. People were hurt. Injured. Unconscious.
How did this even happen?
He saw himself duel. Sirius…Hey, there was Sirius!
A flash of light burst into Harry's vision, and he saw Sirius fall through the mysterious Veil…
"Harry, enough – " That was Severus. He sounded incredibly worried.
Harry barely noticed the tears streaming down his face, "Keep going – "
" – Harry!"
"I mean it!" Harry argued.
"No!"
Severus once again broke the link, pulling Harry out of the Legilimency mind space. The man's eyes widened, barely keeping himself together as he fought to catch his breath. Harry realised that Severus was never there that day because he had been searching the Forbidden Forest for him instead. He never saw what went down, and how. He didn't see Sirius tumble through the Veil, Harry racing after Bellatrix in a vengeful rage, or Dumbledore arriving to face Voldemort. He wasn't there for any of it.
"Bloody hell, Severus!" Harry said, angrily.
Severus shook his head, "Enough for this evening! Slow and steady will give you progress, not the opposite!"
"Fine, " Harry wiped his tears with the back of his hand and looked away.
All that could be heard was the sound of his sniffles and the roaring fire within the room. Severus stared at Harry, almost dumbfounded. There wasn't much to be said at that moment as Harry was focused on recomposing himself. He wasn't expecting any of his memories to cause him to be upset, but now he could remember what had happened to his Godfather. The person that killed Sirius. He knew facing his loss was hard, but his mind was so damaged from all of the losses, that it blocked Sirius from his mind to protect him. Severus was right to call on that.
But now Harry watched the concern seep across Severus' face. He knew this was a delicate situation. Harry was frustrated – quite clearly – and Severus tried his best to approach this as carefully as he could. Neither one of them expected anything of the sort.
Clenching his jaw, Severus reached for the box of tissues on the table and handed it to Harry, watching the Gryffindor in distress. His voice was quiet, almost in a cautious whisper, "We are stopping this lesson here and will commence them after Christmas break."
Harry hung his head, almost shamefully. His face was still wet with tears, no matter how many times he tried to clear them away, "I'm sorry for getting mad at you. I'm just frustrated with this."
Severus nodded once, "I am aware of that. Trust me when a say, your mind needs to rest. Mind Arts are a difficult thing to tinker with. We can resume it when you return and when you are composed. Sound reasonable?"
Harry shakily nodded, still teary as he swallowed rising bile, "Yes."
Severus drew in a heavy sigh, "Would you like some of the elixir to calm your mind for tonight?"
Harry roughly shook his head, "No, I don't want any more of that stuff. It took me ages to make do without it and I don't want to start that again."
"Never mind that. I applaud your resistance to it. I'll instead provide you a Calming Draught. Although weaker in solution, it has fewer side effects."
"Better than nothing."
"Now go. Rest, " Severus instructed sharply, "And for the love of Merlin, get rid of the damn Stone."
Harry said not a word and departed, feeling his mind a shattered mess. The moment he arrived back within his own quarters, he wept for Sirius, unable to stop the sobs that escaped him.
He began to mourn again.
One step forward, three steps backward.
December 20th, 2002
[Harry Potter]
Since the last Occlumency lesson, Harry's mind kept drifting to Sirius and that night at the Ministry.
A part of him was relieved to finally remember what had happened, but now that he did, he wished he could forget it all over again. He didn't realise how painful it was going to be. Seeing Sirius lose his life again, unable to stop it, tore away a piece of his heart the more his mind drifted back. He was hopeless and there was nothing he could do at that moment. Perhaps now he could finally learn to grieve again, considering his mind had sealed it away for so many years. No longer was he numb to it, but the memory alone had caused many embarrassing tears.
He broke down one lesson, voice breaking with tears soaking his robes. Dawn allowed him to leave the class for a moment to compose himself, but Harry became an inconsolable wreck. How on earth was he going to keep this up? How many more painful memories were locked away like this? The thought of it killed him little by little. Dawn must have figured out he and Severus were working on something, but Harry was too much in an ill emotional state to talk about it.
What was there to talk about? It felt like losing Sirius all over again, fresh in his mind as if it were yesterday. Now suddenly he felt like this was all just a bad idea. But he didn't want to forget Sirius again…His Godfather. His family.
It was the last Friday before the students were set to depart for the Christmas holidays and Severus had sent him a note to meet him at the Astronomy Tower for the last time before they were to leave. Shamefully, he had been avoiding Severus a little since that last Occlumency lesson and he knew full well Severus didn't know how to console him. He knew the man didn't care a single thing for Sirius – he didn't blame him – but he just wasn't that much of a comforting man. As much as he wished for Severus to be more so, Harry never really wanted to ask. But seeing Severus change little by little over time since the War ended, would always surprise him, and give even himself a little more hope.
But really, the company on the last day was something that Harry needed before he departed for home.
Harry found Severus at the Astronomy Tower around lunchtime, watching whisps of snow float to the ground. Although freezing up in the tower, it gave them the most beautiful of views. Hogwarts' ground was covered in a thin blanket of white snow. Below, he could see a layer of snow over the greenhouses, and the Great Lake was already frozen over. The grounds, which were once green, were now completely white. The snow-capped trees and mountains in the distance looked like a magnificent painting, and yet the skies were completely grey.
"So, you're staying at Hogwarts?" Harry asked as he approached Severus by the railing.
The man tightened his cloak around him, looking truly like an overgrown bat, "Mostly. I will pay my home a visit to ensure it still remains in order. Merlin help me if it decides to be overrun by garden gnomes. Otherwise, I may as well spend it here being productive."
"Why don't you come to the Burrow for Christmas this year? Molly keeps asking about you. And it'll be really nice if you could be there with us this time."
Severus' eyes lingered over Harry's green ones, but they looked shadowed and slightly lost, "I don't fancy sitting through Christmas pleasantries, ridiculous gift exchanges, and song-singing enough to make my head spin."
He supposed he didn't expect anything different, and at least he tried. Harry looked disappointed and looked away. He wished that one year, he could make an appearance at one. The idea of Severus' reluctance to spend Christmas with anyone, was disheartening. But supposedly, half of the staff opted to remain this year, so perhaps it wasn't a complete loss. After all, this may have been his first celebrated Christmas in a long while.
"…You better at least visit mine over Christmas, then."
Severus snorted under his breath, "Is that a threat?"
"You bet it is, " Harry smirked, seeing Severus roll his eyes. But after accepting Severus' decision, and a lengthy comfortable pause later, Harry broke the silence yet again, "What is the one thing you wish for, Severus?"
Severus was caught off guard by the question and spun his head to face Harry looking as if the Gryffindor had just grown an extra head. The older man frowned deeply; the creases in his forehead from the constant worry were very evident as the shadows cast across his face.
The man soon looked away, as if to fixate his attention on something else other than the green eyes observing his every move and waiting for another chip in his armor to form, "I do not dwell in what-ifs."
Harry shrugged causally, "Sure, you have. Everyone has one."
"Wishes are personal. If I had one, I wouldn't share it with you, " Severus responded, bluntly.
The Gryffindor bit his lip lightly, "I suppose – " Harry looked away, " – I don't think I even know what mine would be. It wouldn't be a simple one, that's for certain."
Severus glanced back at Harry warily, "Wishes are complicated. We want things that appear so impossible to obtain. Something a little far out of reach. But it means far beyond mundane objects to give us a small inkling of joy. No, we pursue what is complicated to us and that which proves too difficult to obtain without said wish."
Harry nodded sadly, "Yeah, you're right."
"Of course, I am."
"I guess wishes are more like a cheap shortcut to save us from the difficulty of obtaining it ourselves."
Severus appeared impressed, "Indeed. You lose satisfaction with an easy fix. It is far more worthwhile when you enforce your own effort to achieve the same means. It's almost like the novelty of a Felix Felicis – Relying on instant luck to succeed in your ventures, devalues the journey used to obtain them. "
Harry recalled the instance he used said potion to obtain Slughorn's memory, but at that time, he was desperate and running out of time. But he knew Severus had a point. He needed to work for his wish and not wait for a genie to grant them to him without effort.
"Though wishing for things to be easier, would probably solve a lot of our problems, " Harry finally said.
"Our?" Severus pursed his lips and drew in a soft breath in realisation. His brow twitched briefly into an arch, "I suppose wishing for things to be a little easier would not be such a terrible thing. "
"As much as even I deny it sometimes, it will, Severus. I'm sure it will."
Severus nodded, seemingly satisfied with such a remark, and said nothing. Harry had to wonder what the man was thinking in that analytical mind of his. What thoughts were running through it, and if he was keeping his own memories and emotions at bay. What else was he keeping within himself. Surely his wish was far more specific.
"Why did you offer him remorse?" Severus suddenly asked.
"Who?"
"Him. Riddle, " There was a deep look of disgust upon Severus' face, which he made no effort to hide. His lips twisted into a particular sneer he hadn't seen for a long time.
Harry shrugged and looked away, thoughtfully, "I-I don't know. I guess I thought I'd try, even though he'd never accept it."
"So, you would not feel as guilty ending him once he refused."
Harry gave a single, hesitant nod, "…Yeah. I suppose so. Is that wrong of me?"
"No. No, it isn't." But soon he was caught off-guard by the man's hand, which suddenly rested on Harry's shoulder. The immediate comfort it brought to him caused tingling within his chest at the sentiment. Harry looked at Severus to find the strangest of smiles. One he hadn't seen in a while.
"You know I'm wretched at speaking such things, however – " Severus' expression relaxed, seemingly as if he felt more sure of himself, " - I really am proud of you, Harry. I don't say it enough, and yet I should."
Harry's heart swelled and he smiled warmly in return, "Severus, that is…"
"Yes, yes, I don't want to hear it, " Severus silenced him, looking away barely enough time for Harry to notice the pink tinge on his cheeks.
Grinning to himself, his arm went out to Severus and rested on his shoulder. They stood there for a moment in silence, absorbing the peacefulness of the castle around them.
They had each other and that bond would forever keep them grounded in the things that truly mattered the most.
December 22nd, 2002
[Severus Snape]
Most of the students had now since departed for Kings Cross Station along with a few members of staff, leaving the castle to be mostly empty.
Severus was absolutely thrilled by the prospect of his personal space being uninterrupted for the majority of the holidays. Harry had already left for home, leaving Severus mostly to himself which didn't bother him in the slightest. It was still a strange thought working alongside Harry now at Hogwarts and was grateful that they could pursue this future on far more civil terms than their history previously presented to them. The relief in that was already a weight lifted off from his scarred shoulders. The pain of that past, although still lingering, was at least something he could finally learn to heal from with delicate time and care. And in his own way.
It had only been a couple of months since his return and yet he was still in a state of disbelief. How did his life end up the way it did? Alive and now working back at Hogwarts in a post-Voldemort world. It was still outlandish to think that his job now had been vastly reduced and no longer was his life on the line walking the fragile tightrope between Order member and Death Eater. How did he manage it before? Between juggling his dangerous mission, teaching classes, and making sure Harry's reckless backside remained safe, he couldn't fathom how he managed it all before. Thinking back on that now was exhausting and despite still feeling uncomfortable in his return, he was determined to see it through no matter how people still viewed him now.
He really didn't care if some of his colleagues still resented him, or not. He did what he had to do, and there was no alternative way about it. He could tell at face value that they were simply tolerating him. But he couldn't deny their hesitant approach, for the sake of being civil. For Severus, it was either to fight for the greater good or flee like a coward. Like Igor Karkaroff did before he was discovered and executed. No, he'd never stoop that low.
The same fight within him to oppose the Dark Lord, was the same fight he undertook for his survival after Nagini's cursed venom coursed through his system, causing him pain and agony.
He fought for life, even though it still seemed like a battle that never ended.
Severus had passed some of the barren corridors during his safety patrol of the school over the holidays, ensuring things were left up to standard upon the departure of most of the students. Upon his ascent up the Grand Staircase, he overheard voices somewhere in the floor below. Peering carefully over the rail without being discovered, he found the source of the voices.
"Gregory, I can't believe you took points of Hufflepuff again, " Filius shrieked, "Three times in a week!"
The Ravenclaw Muggle Studies professor appeared nonchalant, with a hint of smugness in his features, "What? I caught them messing about in the library, making a mess of the books as they ran off."
"Pomona will not be impressed that it was you."
Gregory shrugged, digging his hands deeper into the pockets of his navy robe, "Well, she needs to contain her badgers and for the love of Merlin, inform them not to bolt immediately when they've been caught. Besides, better me catching them than Irma."
Aurora, who was walking beside them, gave a dainty chuckle, "Poppy is going to be livid."
Hearing enough of the staff banter, Severus rolled his eyes and strolled away at the corridor on the next turn-off. It was bad enough dealing with student dramatics during the school year, but it was another thing to endure the ridiculous bickering amongst the staff. When others deducted points, it was a minor matter. If Severus did it, he'd be condemned to the pits of hell.
I much prefer hell, anyway. It is, at least, familiar.
For the most part, Severus had been avoiding the others only engaging in the staff meetings when necessary and his only input would be relayed directly to Minerva herself. So, he often avoided the others unless it was of dire importance, otherwise, he generally stayed away from such things. He had enough of a loss in his sanity to deal with it, so he naturally kept to himself.
Thankfully, half of the staff decided to leave for the Christmas holidays, leaving it far more comfortably tolerable.
Making the familiar journey to the Headmistress' office, he finally reached the griffin statue and uttered the new password, granting him immediate access. Once he ascended the spiral staircase, he barged through the oak doors to find Minerva in discussion with Dawn. Both women turned their attention his way as soon as he made his presence known. The warmth in the conversation they had just engaged in, dulled slightly during its interruption.
Eyes darting to the pair of them, Severus gave a small frown in Dawn's direction, "You're remaining at the school?"
Dawn, sitting with her legs crossed at the guests' chair, brightened her gaze when she turned to him, "Only for a few days."
Wonderful.
Obviously, he wasn't pleased by her remaining at all. Getting rid of the Auror over the holidays would have been a welcome blessing. He turned to Minerva, "You requested my assistance?"
"Yes, I have an important task for you, " Minerva said sharply, "The wards need to be strengthened over Christmas break. Dawn will guide you with it."
What?
Severus curled his lip, "I do not need help with the wards. I know them."
"Not these ones, " Dawn responded, tucking in her wand within her sleeve, "Since you've been away, new wards have been reinstated. The previous ones were, well, a little outdated and posed a security risk since the War. I have deployed far more secure ones and it would be wise of me to show them to you."
Frustration crept across his features when he drew in a deep breath, "Minerva."
"Now, please, Severus, " Minerva glanced over her spectacles, "They must be adjusted for the holidays."
Biting his tongue at the injustice of having to work with Dawn, Severus' dark eyes glared at the Auror who all but looked rather pleased about it. This seemed to annoy him further. "…Fine."
The Headmistress smiled, likely relieved he didn't blow it up in a usual argument, "Thank you."
Dawn rose up from her seat, ready and willing. Her smart sea green and bronze robes hung loosely at her waist, with a brown leather belt with pockets attached, strung over her hip. Her dress sense reminded Severus of an explorer, or that of a Curse Breaker. Gleaming through her collar, was that silver locket yet again. She was practical and prepared and as an Auror, took her job very seriously. Severus took note of her confidence and her outgoing demeanor, exuding a strange sense of warmth wherever she went. They weren't qualities Severus was fond of, but at least she wasn't cocky, boastful, or self-absorbed. That alone was enough of a reason for him to have some respect for her.
Passing Severus, who was still stunned at the request, shot over her shoulder as she approached the door, "Come on, you. Let's hurry before the next bout of snow."
Shooting a final glare at Minerva – who looked rather smug herself – he begrudgingly followed the younger woman as they made the journey through the corridors to reach the entrance hall. The click of her boots against the stone floors echoed as they went. Occasionally Dawn would shoot him a side glance with somewhat of amusement on her face, eventually ending in a light chuckle in the strange silence they shared. This began to irritate him as he was not here for such pleasantries.
Severus' scowl deepened, clearly unhappy with this task that he was more than capable of doing alone, "What could possibly be so amusing?"
"You're always frowning. I daresay your brows never stop working. Maybe we should put them on the payroll, " Dawn said, with a coy grin. But soon realising Severus' look of distaste remained, her expression softened, "Relax a little, Severus."
Severus had to pause for a moment, subtly dropping his eyebrows as if he had to really think about it. It just seemed instinctual the majority of the time, that it was never something he noticed. However, he pursed his lips with a curious gaze upon the woman not afraid to call him out on something so ridiculous, "Relax? What is this alien concept you speak of? I know none of it."
"Well, you should, " They rounded past the Christmas tree-littered Great Hall which was occupied by a few groups of students, and braced for the cold, frosted afternoon. Light snowflakes were floating through the air, further blanketing the snow already on the ground from the previous few days, "You should be basking in your new freedom, traveling the world, experiencing life elsewhere."
Severus clutched his robes tightly against him, thankful for remembering to wear his dark purple scarf, "That holds absolutely no interest to me."
"Why not?"
"I prefer my feet firmly in the familiar confines of my home."
Dawn wriggled her nose, "Live a little, Severus. There's more to life than...this. Despite how bleak it can be."
"Bleak is an understatement, " Severus muttered under his breath. They walked through the courtyard at a casual pace, both inspecting the grounds as they did so out of habit. He stole curious glances at the woman beside him, noticing a few flakes of snow settling atop her dark blonde locks.
Dawn and Severus reached the covered wooden bridge, both relieved to be away from the wet wisps of snow for a few moments. The woman slowed her pace, finally stopping at the railing, admiring the snow-covered mountains in the distance with a wonderous, relaxed smile.
Severus realised she was about the same height as he was, but if it weren't for her barely tamed wavy hair, she wouldn't have made it that far. But this also meant he had a clear view of her face – it was unnerving to him as he'd never physically gotten this close to the woman before. Her ocean-blue eyes were intense – that was the first striking thing he noticed. They were usually rather dark indoors, but the brightness of the lightly snowy day deepened the color's intensity. He'd never noticed it before and admittingly, there was an ethereal beauty to them. Almost the same color and intensity as a dark blue howlite crystal. She was, to his own assessment, quite a beautiful woman in a wild way. She wore her hair in half braids, reminding Severus of a Viking woman from old Scandinavia. Her cheekbones and chin were sharp and defined, with a soft buttoned nose, and soft-curvy peach-colored lips…
He realised his thoughts were trailing strangely and he blinked, absolutely mad at himself, averting his gaze the moment her head turned towards him.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but have you…talked with anyone? I mean that in a professional sense, " Dawn tilted her head slightly with her expression in all seriousness, "It might be, well, beneficial."
Severus' lips curled in disgust, "It has been brought to my attention, but I am not interested."
"How so?"
"I do not want to be pitied upon and I do not wish to spill my thoughts to just anyone. It sounds like an absurd waste of time."
"I assure you, it's not, " Dawn said sympathetically, as she paused to study him. There was something in the way she looked at him, which caused his heart to strangely flutter. Perhaps it was the idea of being scrutinized by an Auror that set him on edge, but he didn't know how to truly feel about it. He knew she wasn't hostile but trusting people did not come easy for him. The corner of Dawn's lip twitched upward, "We all need someone, Severus. A confidant. Someone who cares enough to allow us to place our trust in. I'm not asking you to preach to the choir, but I hope one day you can learn to trust someone else. Anyone."
"I trust Harry and Minerva. That's all I need, " Severus said simply. It was true. He didn't need anyone else. Two people were enough to trust, and he could not afford to do so for anyone else. His soul lay bare enough for Harry and Minerva to see and anyone else will be his utter undoing. He simply couldn't bear it with another person.
"So be it, but – " Dawn sighed, a little disappointingly, " – Never mind, Severus. Forget I mentioned it."
Severus was confused. What else did she mean? He wasn't sure what she was implying, and it was clear that was in discontent. Or at least somewhere in those deep endless orbs, appeared hurt by it. With an irked expression, Severus dismissed her a little coldly and resumed the walk that they had started, eager to get this task over and done without delving into his personal life more than necessary.
But there were moments he could not help but gaze upon her whilst she was not looking, but he couldn't deny the feeling that he, too, was being observed the moment his own sight was averted. Many others were often repulsed by him and looked away as if he was some horrible grotesque monster.
But she…She never did. Quite the opposite, actually.
They walked in silence for a few moments upon the journey to the other end of the bridge, soon stumbling upon the snow-covered hillside once again as they drew nearer to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Severus noticed the women's brows crinkled, deeply, and focused. Eventually, she spoke, breaking the silence once again. Her voice grew quiet, "They wanted us to use Unforgivables, did you know that? We were given permission to use any means necessary to apprehend Death Eaters."
Severus was indeed aware of this, "…And?"
Dawn appeared solemn, "...I couldn't do it. The idea of it repulsed me."
"Understandable. It was absurd of them to expect that of you, " Severus said, noticing the woman's slightly disturbed demeanor. The warmth in her face dimmed.
"We had to get creative and use other means. Using Unforgivables would completely oppose everything we fought against, " Dawn sighed, before looking back to Severus, "I do hope you understand that. And I mean that wholeheartedly."
Severus' forearm bearing the faded Dark Mark twitched. Oh, yes. He knew. And yet still to this day, the shame of his mistakes to once join such a following burned him constantly at his core. He nodded dully, "It was War. You did what you must. It needs no further explanation."
In all of his grim thoughts, he realised how very much on opposite sides they once were. That is, back when Severus chose to become a Death Eater in one of the most darkest times of his young life.
Satisfied with the response, Dawn nodded with newfound vigor. The pair reached the school's boundary, before Dawn withdrew her wand, drawing foreign sigils in the air as she did so. A gentle blue pulse exuberated with each flourish of her wand, briefly revealing the hidden shields activated there. She turned to Severus, with her chin held high, now soon adopting her teaching demeanor, "At the conclusion of the Second War, the previous wards had been fractured severely. Minerva was adamant they were to be completely replaced with new wards. So, when I joined the staff, I erected well-fortified shield charms. Complicated ones. It was far too risky to use the ones that had been in place for decades."
Slightly sour that his own old wards were not-so-subtly deemed useless, he swallowed his pride and pursed his lips. "Show me."
With a flash of a pleased smile, she pulled out a small piece of blank parchment, ushering a few words under her breath until a string of harsh sigils appeared on its surface in bright red blotched ink. Handing it to Severus, she continued, "Memorise them and dispose of them when you are confident without them. They fortify the shields with a combination of an intruder alarm, along with a Muggle repel, anti-Apparition, and extra shield layers from external magical forces. These wards are at their best."
"…Icelandic staves? You use those?" Severus blinked, concentrating on the symbols. He hadn't seen mention of that in years.
"I do, " Dawn nodded confidently, "It is an obscure branch of magic, rare, ancient, and tough to break because not many people know it."
"They are dead hieroglyphs. However, did you come across it?" Much to his defeat, he was highly curious and admittingly impressed. He had only ever seen random symbols engraved in books, but it was no longer taught.
She smiled, "My family has an affinity for history and has many tomes in our collection. Many of them were written by distant relatives, themselves. Icelandic lore wasn't just household spells, Severus."
Severus was speechless. He had heard of such things before, but as Dawn mentioned, he also passed them off as just mere stories his mother used to tell him as a young child. But now thinking back upon the absurdity of the Deathly Hallows being more than just lore, recent revelations didn't seem quite so far out of reach.
Prying his curious eyes away from the symbols provided to him, he folded the parchment and hid it away within his robes. They were rather impressive and complex. He had never seen them before, but if anyone would know how to fortify, it would be an experienced Auror.
The pair of them continued to walk the boundaries, stopping every few feet to enact the same string of sigils and mumblings of the accompanied incantations. After watching Dawn perform her work, she allowed Severus to give it a go, acutely studying his wand movements and precision making him feel like an accomplice to a mentor. She did happen to correct him at times and Severus was grateful for her patience, as much as he hated making mistakes. As annoyed as he was to have to relearn new security charms, perhaps the additional knowledge wouldn't quite be so bad. But he was learning, and Dawn appeared impressed with his recollection and memory.
They found themselves circling almost the entirety of the grounds until they reached the edge of the Great Lake. Along its shore was the impressive monument placed in the memory of those fallen in the Battle of Hogwarts. Its blue flame still burning magnificently since the day it had first come alight. Beyond the phoenix monument, and across the lake, was where the body of Albus Dumbledore rested. His marble tomb glistened and shone brightly with the reflection of the light of the snow, causing Severus to squint slightly as he watched on.
Once they finished the last of their fortifications, Dawn ushered an accomplished sigh, upon turning to Severus with a warm smile plastered upon her light complexion.
Severus had an odd expression of a frown with a tinge of an amused smirk, completely disarmed by her own, "What are you grinning at?"
She tucked away her wand within her sleeve, "It's nice to speak with someone with such a deep mind. I enjoy picking your brain."
"Be wary, as you'll find things in there you may not want to know."
"Is that so? We all have our demons. To heal is to share them, as my mother would say."
"Healing the past is not so easy. Your mother, unless skilled in the healing arts - or exorcism - does not work so simply for my demons."
"Maybe offer your demons a spot of tea instead? Or rather, a bottle of brandy may be far more beneficial, " Dawn said with a cheeky grin, "Sometimes it may work best to work with them rather than against them. I greet mine every morning and tell them to bugger off before bed."
Severus tried to hide his amusement and spoke deadpan instead, "Mine are far more persistent."
There was a long pause between them, when Dawn lowered her head, "On a side note, my mother is a Muggle."
Severus raised an eyebrow, tilting his head ever so slightly, "Is that so?"
She is a half-blood? Honestly, he didn't know what he was expecting, but that wasn't it. She carried herself strong like a pureblood and yet there was no morsel of arrogance or prejudice within her. She was kind, and not a single air of disdain within her. Granted, he had never seen her angry or hateful, but there was something endearing about that which seemed to calm him from within.
Dawn nodded, "My wizard father runs a magical bookstore in Cardiff - a family business. He met my mother when they were nineteen. She was working as a waitress at a local pub, and he was a regular customer. They hit it off over time and the rest is history."
He snorted under his breath, "Your mother must have been thrilled to discover his magical heritage."
"Actually, she thought he was joking at first. She had already accepted his strange dress sense, so finding him wearing robes occasionally didn't even cause her to bat an eye. She was very skeptical at first but something within her found a kindred spirit within him. She didn't even bolt when he cast Lumos for the first time."
"A fortunistic encounter, " Severus sighed, "It escalated far differently for mine."
Now it was Dawn's turn to look surprised, "You're a half-blood, too? Huh. Here I thought you were pureblood."
"Not all death eaters were such. A common misconception."
"Oh, I am aware of that, " Dawn nodded, agreeably, "Moreso, Voldemort's inner circle has me wondering why he had half-bloods within his ranks. Very peculiar."
"He also favored unique skillsets, hence why he considered recruiting Muggleborns on occasion, however rare, " Severus explained, "Tom Riddle himself was a half-blood, in fact."
Dawn's jaw dropped, "I-I had no idea. Huh. I'm learning more each day. It still amazes me how you ever faced him as you did…I'd be terrified."
"You don't strike me as a terrified woman, " Severus said, realising it was somewhat of a compliment, "However it best you didn't face him. He wouldn't have hesitated to kill you."
The woman's gaze brightened by the remark and Severus realised her cheeks were slightly flushed. Dawn's breath had changed, and she too, soon realised it, "So, Severus, shall I leave the wards in your hands when I am away?"
Severus' mind drifted briefly, seemingly transfixed with her eyes, and soon nodded, "Yes. I appreciate your time spent instructing me."
The woman smiled warmly again – something she seemed to do often, though he never truly noticed it much before except for that day. Now that he was able to think back, he realised she was rarely ever seen without it, "Wonderful. Well, I must bid you farewell for now. Punctuality is not a personal trait of mine, and my parents are likely seething at this point. Have a wonderful Christmas, Severus. And take time for yourself. Please."
With a respectful nod, he watched as she walked away, soon disappearing behind the wards.
Severus merely remained rooted to the spot. A strange warmth in his chest resided, that he had never felt before.
Don't you dare, Severus. You're here to do your job, not make silly acquaintances.
Blinking away his running thoughts, his face hardened, and he found himself slowly wandering back to the castle, angry with himself.
What was this life of his?