Thank you BlueWater5 and Zeugma412!

Author's Note: This is SUCH a busy chapter, as a lot happens. I hope you enjoy the lovely moments within in one, and some of my favourite scenes.

"Maybe it is within the losses that you truly find gratitude for all that has stayed. Maybe it is through caring for those who make us feel like we are hard to love that we are taught how to embrace those who see us, those who truly protect our souls. And maybe, just maybe, it is through the darkened journey that we are taught how to appreciate the warmth, how to chase the light."

– Bianca Sparacino

CHAPTER 36: Holding On, Letting Go

June 9th, 2003

[Severus Snape]

The Summer Solstice Ball.

Solstitium.

Summer Equinox.

That was the celebration that Minerva had hushed for quite some time, in her bid to unite the Houses in civility and appropriate socialisation. A send-off for the students leaving the school at the end of their seventh year and to herald the remainder of the school moving forward.

Another year survived, so to speak.

Although the event was no secret throughout the school, finally the rumors amongst nosey students were validated and established.

Severus didn't know how to feel about the idea of the event itself. After his talk with the Slytherins about cooperation and seeking help when needed, a grand ball was the last thing he had on his mind. Minerva was adamant to incorporate this as a frequent occurrence since she decided it would be a good idea for everyone to wind down and leave behind the pressure of academics even for a night. Wary and stressed students can finally take a breath and celebrate their hard work after exams, and the professors can also utilise the event to take their own pause.

A new Hogwarts tradition.

…He would rather be home alone.

That Monday morning after breakfast, Severus happened across Dawn casually tucked away on the cushions in the darkest corner of the Restricted Section. A few tiny orbs of light hovered around her, illuminating the small space with the gentlest of glows. An assortment of tomes was stacked up beside her and she appeared very homely and relaxed, buried in the book she currently held in her hands. Monday mornings were vacant for them both as most students were scattered within the other classes. Severus had spent most of his early morning adjusting the last few ingredients to his memory potion, that which was at the end of his tether. For a break, he decided to clear his head in the Library of all places, but he didn't expect to find Dawn there at the same time.

Hearing his footsteps, her blonde locks emerged from behind the book highlighting her bright smile, leaving his heart to unexpectedly flutter, "Good morning, Severus."

Severus bowed his head slightly as he entered the space, resisting the strong urge to smile at the sight of her. So, he remained stoic, "Morning." He turned to the shelf on the other corner, selected a few books, and perched himself at the table beside her little reading nook, "It appears we both have the same idea."

The woman chuckled, "We got lucky with the same free periods on Mondays. Harry is grading the second-year essays."

A small snort escaped his nostrils, "Good to see he has taken ample responsibility."

"He's doing very well, I'll have you know."

Severus flipped through the first few pages of his Herbology tome but quickly realised he had no interest in pursuing the research he intended to that morning. His hand rested on the page he remained on, but his mind drew blanks staring at the same mess of inked scribbles and comprehending none of it because his heart was too busy doing backflips within his chest. He found his eyes fleeting to her position on the cushion-filled corner, watching as she flipped through her book intermittently. She appeared bored with her find as well and yet her presence alone was somewhat oddly distracting.

A small smirk appeared at the corner of his lips, but soon composed himself as he looked in her direction, "So what part of Wales had the misfortune of bearing you?"

Dawn appeared to perk up in interest, in huge relief, lowering her book, "I was born in Cardiff, where mum and her family were also born and raised. My father is Scottish, from far north. Swears like a sailor, but really, he's as soft as a puppy."

"Cardiff?" Severus smirked darkly, "That explains the fire."

She scrunched her nose rather teasingly, her eyes ablaze with curiosity as she straightened her posture, "I wear it proudly. And you?"

"Cokeworth, Midlands."

"Midlands? …explains the grit, " Dawn retorted rather amusingly, "Where on earth is Cokeworth?"

"A small industrial town. Old, putrid, and stale. There wasn't a street without a broken lamplight, or blocked sewage drains, " Severus's upper lip arched in disgust, "I can still smell it."

Her face puckered equally, "Sounds dreadful."

"It was, " He responded, unenthusiastically. He took notice of Dawn now completely invested in their conversation, observing the book she now lowered to her lap, "Father always played his Muggle music enough to earn complaints from our neighbors. It seems any sense of joy was prohibited in that wretched place."

"Music is rather invoking, " Dawn agreed, "What did you listen to?"

Severus took much effort to prevent himself from sneering at such a mundane question, but he figured it was far better than sitting in an uncomfortable silence with a woman he had come to accept as a very good friend. "I was more of a Lenny Kravitz and the Doors listener when my father used to blast them daily. We had Policemen show to our door, assuming we were running illicit parties."

"You're kidding?" Dawn's jaw dropped, "The Doors? My mother had an absolute crush on Jim Morrison. My father was more akin to the Beatles and Elvis. ABBA was mum's favorite, though."

"Abysmal, " Severus took an amused jab at the woman, allowing himself to smirk rather mockingly at her choice in music.

"Hey, at least I know what you sing to in that bat cave of yours, " Dawn's grin widened, with a gleaming twinkle in her eye. Oh, now she was teasing him.

"I don't sing, " Severus couldn't help but feel repulsed by that because nowhere would he ever be caught dead doing that. But he couldn't help but feel slightly invigorated by the look of glee upon the woman's face in turn of such a casual conversation. So, he decided to play along for his own amusement, "…But there's a reason my quarters are below the Black Lake."

Now Dawn's grin jumped straight into a burst of sudden laughter, causing Severus' deadpan expression to twitch in his desperate bid to keep it together. Knowing full well he couldn't sing if his life depended on it, led her to believe that she guessed correctly. It didn't matter because he found her laugh to be so addictive and bliss-inducing. Never in all his life did he find comfort in the laugh of another, except for Lily's. A time that was so painfully long ago.

She spoke through almost uncontrollable giggles, now completely abandoning the book she had started, "So if I hear an unnatural wailing in the floors below, I'll know it's you."

"I won't disagree, " His eyes fleeted around the space, hoping no one was witnessing this strange moment.

"Well, at least we won't be doing karaoke anytime soon - " Her eyes teared from her laughter and she tried to mop up her eyes with the edges of her fingers, doubling over from the erupted giggles, " - Severus, that has completely made my day. And it's only Monday morning."

The corner of Severus' lips twitched again and he so desperately wanted to smile, but given the passing group of Ravenclaws at that very moment already eyeing them oddly from beyond the Restricted Section threshold, that was not the impression he wanted to exude.

He had never heard her laugh within his presence before and although he had heard her laughing during her interactions with Gregory between classes, this felt different. This time, it was with him. No one aside from Harry has truly laughed at his attempts at humor that no one else could understand. Dawn's light-hearted state was almost cathartic. Addicting. He wanted to hear more of her laugh; her warmth. Things have been so grim for him for so long, that a small piece of this light felt like a remedy for a darker piece that resided within him. But he felt as if every little piece of information her learned about her, ignited a desire within him to know more.

She was a curious soul. Always questioning. Always seeking.

But her presence, even behind those ocean orbs, seemed to reveal something almost haunting behind them. Something that she appeared to hide remarkably well.

She had already told him about her conversation with Rowan – her superior – who did not take very kindly to her liaison with him. Understandably, so. He wasn't expecting much at all. But the last thing he wanted was to go up against the Ministry again and ruin Dawn's future as an Auror. He respected her line of work and what she was delving into, but he wanted to protect her. Keep her safe from secretly meddling with an ex-Death Eater. He wanted no more trouble. He had never met this Rowan before, but from what she had described, he already decided he didn't like him.

They continued their discussion mainly condemning the idea of the Solstice Ball when Dawn rose to depart his company once again with the time that had sadly passed too quickly. Severus had found that he, too, abandoned his own tome whilst being immersed in conversation with her. It was unlike him to become so easily distracted even by a woman, so this also came as quite a surprise. Her smile, however, silently comforted him and the gesture itself made him feel warmer inside.

"I will see you later, Severus. Stay out of trouble, " Dawn stated with amusement.

Her hand subtly brushed against his forearm, leaving a single breath of his to shudder as she left. It was unexpected. She walked away without a thought, leaving Severus in a pool of his own. His heart skipped a beat in his chest. Her blonde locks disappeared around the corner leaving his gaze to stare into space wondering what to make of it.

What to make of her.

It was friendly...wasn't it? It was difficult for him to ascertain the feelings melting within him, but instead catching the trickle of a smirk on his own face before it broadened. He looked around to find relief that he was now alone and continued on his way back to his quarters before his next class.

His stomach felt light and he himself felt weightless for the remainder of that day.

…He was falling for her. Like a child with a crush.

And yet he hadn't felt so frightened of anything since Riddle's reign.

On one hand, he felt immense guilt for such strange feelings of this woman, almost as if he was hurting Lily's memory. Betraying her, even. Not that he ever felt truly in love with Lily, but the idea of fighting in her name with a love he didn't know he possessed in order to protect her living son, struck such a sensitive cord within himself. Now that Lily's memory was avenged, suddenly the idea of another woman ruling his heart seemed more like a slap in the face.

He even felt foolish.

But on the other hand, he could feel something for Dawn. Something he knew he never had the chance to feel with Lily. It was curious. But frightening. He didn't know what those feelings were, or how to handle them. He had never been in this position before. Emotions like these were simply far beyond what he was capable to handle.

Rage, anger, snark, guilt – those came naturally to him. This strange…softness?

Who even was he anymore?

He was just scared deep within. How could he ever overcome something like this? How was he supposed to deal with it?

Severus awoke the next morning in a daze. Somehow, she became the first thing he thought of that morning.

Odd.

Perhaps her laugh made her even more difficult to forget. Did that moment in the library really happen? Trying to convince himself that it was indeed something that took place, became difficult to comprehend.

He felt strange.

The imprint of her laugh reverberated within his mind, following him all through the meals in the Great Hall. As always, she greeted him with that same, warm smile she always did. Friendly, and genuine. No matter how many times she greeted him in this way, it always took him by surprise as if one day he'll find out that it was all a ruse. Usually, Severus could tell if someone was lying through their teeth, but he did not feel this as such with her. Her honesty was real and the way she approached him – careful, and considerate – was not something he could easily erase from his mind.

He found himself staring at her during dinnertime in the Great Hall, taking every opportunity to do so behind his goblet without drawing attention to himself.

She was seated beside Gregory on the other side, yet again, piercing the staff table with her hearty chuckles, dignified and confident.

Sometimes her gaze would meet his so innocently and he'd look away, cursing himself once again. This was all so very new to him and he only hoped she did not sense that within him. Sometimes he'd catch himself smirking when he knew she wasn't looking but would quickly wipe it away remembering where he was.

How were these emotions running rampant? A flicker of a smile. A blissful hum. Eyes glinting in joy.

Perhaps he felt far more than friendship. It just had to be. He has never experienced these feelings before. Not even with Charity, or even Lily for that matter. No one has ever invoked these emotions within him as Dawn did. She was...she was something else. Peculiar. Magnetic. Addicting. Radiant.

Light, yes. She was a light. Is that why he felt drawn to her? Her light to accompany his dark?

He didn't know what his emotions were telling him, but all he knew is that it felt...good. She was good. Genuine. Patient.

She was patient with him, and he marveled at her for that.

Knowing he wasn't going to be able to talk to her with Gregory hanging about, he silently departed from the nonsensical chattering from Sybill beside him and made the familiar journey back to his quarters to seek out the silence he desperately needed. Anything to help sort out his disgustingly messy emotions. As the booming voices of engaged children died down, he felt much relief in his own peace of mind and leaving the ruckus behind. He entered his quarters, stripped off his traveling cloak and buttoned coat, and continued working on some of the last steps to his potion.

He was so close that the thought of finally completing this headache of a potion, left almost a predetermined emptiness. A project with grappled so many difficult years almost came to an end.

Severus was somewhat satisfied with it. He had to be, considering the amount of frustration that came from its conception -

" - Severus, are you here?"

A familiar voice broke into his thoughts.

Instead, Severus smirked darkly under his unkempt locks, "No."

Harry Potter made his appearance, marching into his private laboratory as if he owned that space alongside him. The Gryffindor stopped to gawk at the littered empty vials within the box, ready to be used, "Sir, are you seriously almost finished with it?"

"Seriously, " Severus casually mocked, as he stirred the sky-blue potion with swirls of white almost resembling shifting clouds.

Harry's grin widened, "Brilliant."

Severus was able to steal a glance towards him and noticed Harry wore a rather proud smile, "Your unwavering confidence in my abilities knows no bounds."

The Gryffindor leaned against the bench, watching as Severus worked around it, "I've seen you work on this thing for a while now, and it's both annoyed the hell out of you and made you want to throw it against the wall. You've come a long way with it."

"Well, this thing has since tried my patience. Knowing I am almost done with it, gives me a measure of accomplishment."

"Has Neville spoken to you yet?"

Severus shook his head nonchalantly, "No, he hasn't. I suspect the offer has stumped him tremendously. Or frightened him away."

"It's a big thing to think about, really, " Harry sighed, "So, do you have a name for it, yet?"

"Ostendo Memoria, or simply Memory Reveal potion, " Severus allowed the words to roll off his tongue, almost as if he was weighing on the importance of the name. So far, he felt satisfied with it. "Consider it more akin to liquid Legilimency."

"Perfect, " Harry appeared pleased, and almost as relieved as he was to be so close to completing it.

Severus continued on with the potions, moving to and from the scribbled parchment beside it littered with notes, both old and new. He could see Harry silently observing, fully immersing himself in what he was doing. Severus silently mused how tentative he was at this moment, when years ago, the boy was too thick-headed to pay any measure of attention. The same boy – a young man, now – was quiet and observant. Far from what he used to be.

Although he wasn't expecting an audience.

"So, are you here for a particular reason, or have you decided to be an idle thorn in my side tonight?" Severus retorted, rather bluntly.

The Gryffindor chuckled, "Well, no, I just wanted to stop by. I'm allowed to visit without reason, aren't I? You won't dare come to my quarters in Gryffindor Tower, otherwise."

That was true – he wouldn't be caught dead in there, "Correct."

"But on that note, I really did want to see how you are, " Harry's voice trailed away as if he was attempting to mask the words he wished to say. He tilted his head to one side, and gathered enough strength to continue, "You've been acting kind of…odd, lately."

"Odd?" Severus glanced quickly at Harry, with all but a dulled expression across his face, "How is that different to my usual?"

"Well, no, that's not what I meant, " Harry bit his lip, but Severus could tell he was holding something back, "You've just seemed more relaxed lately. If that's even the right word for it."

"This potion is almost at its end, " Severus responded, clearly confused as to where he was going with this.

"No, not the potion – " Harry stared hard at him, and Severus tried his best to avert his focus to the stirring cauldron before him. "Are you sure there is anything you want to share with me?"

"I'm not obliged to indulge you as you see fit."

Harry slumped his shoulders in defeat, "Alright, fine. But I know something is up."

Severus gritted his teeth and continued on with his work.

What on earth did Potter know?

June 12th, 2003

[Harry Potter]

His last conversation with Severus was bugging him to no end.

How could he not see it?

Dawn felt something for Severus, and he was almost positive Severus felt the same, too. It was obvious, at least, to him.

Sometimes he'd catch either of the two in the corridors passing each other by, but Dawn would greet him with a friendly exuberant smile, enough to make Severus almost trip as he dashed around the corner. Or even Severus' not-so-subtle stares upon Dawn at the staff table in the Great Hall.

Harry knew they had been spending some time together, but he didn't think much of it all except something purely platonic between friends and colleagues. But as the weeks went on, he was beginning to notice the both of them adjusting their comfort levels around them when they did share the presence of the other. It was strange seeing it all unfold. For Severus, this would not come so naturally to him. The way he relaxed around her and the disheartened – almost frustrated – demeanor when he'd discover her talking to Gregory, was unmistakable infatuation.

If that was even the correct word at that point. All he knew, is that Severus was becoming mesmerized by her, more so than her visible admiration for him. He wasn't entirely sure if her feelings matched his, but all he could observe was Severus' usually hardened gaze softened when she was around.

Harry had to try and keep it subtle, however. And he tried to prod it from Severus a few days prior, but the man wasn't having it. That is, if he even understood what he was trying to hint at.

But it wasn't the only thing on his mind.

Harry had been eyeing the Resurrection Stone for days now, engrossed by the dark engravings of the symbol of the Deathly Hallows, and the hidden, dangerous power it possessed. The need to use it was so great, but he was able to resist it hearing nothing but Ginny's voice in the back of his mind, warning him of such an artifact.

And Severus – he knew he was still rather mad about it.

That Thursday, Harry had been corresponding with his wife in regard to the Solstice Ball. It was no doubt the talk of the school at this point in time. OWL and NEWT exams were currently taking place, signaling almost at the end of another school year.

His first year.

He couldn't believe how far he has come, and he felt far more confident in the role of Professor than he did when he started. Even now, students greeting him as Professor Potter, still caught him off-guard. It was so strange when spoken, and yet satisfying. The students he was able to teach under his wing, had been an experience far greater than he ever had hoped for. Seeing these children grow even in the span of a year, was heart-warming, and he couldn't help but think back to his own student years before Voldemort tainted them. It was nothing but nostalgia and he felt that he was now in a place where he felt happy and proud to be doing what he was. He had already sent through his teaching license papers, to make it completely official.

Dawn herself was still on the fence about leaving, which had come as quite a surprise to Harry. But she deemed it necessary to hang on for another year but would not elaborate why.

Strangely enough, Severus made no mention of resuming again. After all, the man was insistent on a year only and yet he heard not a word about it. Surely, he would sign on again – he couldn't leave yet. He was sure that Severus was comfortable now in his return, so what on earth would he leave to? It was a mystery and one he wasn't sure Severus would discuss with him anytime soon.

After all, Severus had been rather secretive more than usual.

Taking the Stone from its protective case, Harry marched towards Severus' quarters later that Thursday evening after a detention he hosted with the Campbells making them scrub the kitchen floors by hand without magic. According to Minerva and Dawn, the meeting with their parents grew to be grim and tension was thick as fog. The Campbells were high up in the Ministry, even spanning those of other Ministries through Europe. They had influence and the power to remove Minerva as Headmistress, so understandably, toes were trodden on lightly.

But the ultimatum was given. Now to see if they had learned anything about the potential consequences they would face if they did not clean up their act. Cyrus Hastwell was angry about it, of course, but Harry was careful to keep an eye on him even during the last few weeks of the year. He was not going to tolerate any last-minute attacks from those twin menaces.

As the clock neared nine o'clock that night, Harry went to Severus' quarters to find it was empty.

Rounding through his usual haunts, he finally discovered the man at the location where the Thestrals dwelled. It had been a while since he had seen him there, but the last light of the day grew dim and Severus since blended in with the dark of the forest and the creatures he was petting.

The night was warm enough and Harry removed his own cloak to bathe in the welcoming breeze.

Severus, noticing his footsteps, looked up from his perch against the tree, "I can't ever escape you, can't I?"

"No, " Harry smirked, planting himself beside him. The nearest Thestral wandered off.

The man heaved a heavy sigh, leaning back against the tree, "You're exceedingly lucky I tolerate you now."

Harry smiled fondly to himself. That, he would always be glad about. Despite the times they'd push each other's buttons, they really did develop mutual respect now. A unique type of trust.

Severus' eyes wandered warily over to the looming silhouette of the castle in the distance, bathing its stone on the last morsel of light from the day. The man's gaze fixated and narrowed. Something about him appeared so suddenly tense. He noticed the creases between his brows deepened, and he knew this expression of his to be completely serious and thought-provoking. If only he really knew what was running through his mind, but it was a place only he could tread.

The Slytherin's thoughts were plagued heavily by something. His hooded expression was enough of an indicator, and his distraction was something he noticed even in his lab several days ago. From the corner of his eyes, Harry noticed the man anxiously tapping against his thigh.

Something was quite obviously bothering him.

"What is it, Severus?"

Suddenly broken out of his reverie, he clenched his jaw tightly and turned his head away curling his lip. There was a silence between them that lasted uncomfortably long, until he heard the man give a gentle sigh. Without looking at Harry, he lowered his voice almost at a whisper, "…She's getting close to me."

He guessed correctly. Harry smiled a little to himself, softening his slow realisation of the man's admittance, "Yeah…So?"

Sharply, Severus turned to look at him with a dangerous frown, "…So? So much for your infallible wisdom, Mr. Potter."

"What I mean is, does it matter if she is? She likes you and that's pretty obvious."

"She shouldn't."

Harry gave a small laugh, "Why not? You make it seem like she's not allowed to. You're not as bad as you think you are."

"She's wasting her efforts on me."

"Nah, " Harry smiled, noticing Severus' newly uncomfortable demeanor, "But the real question is…Do you fancy her?"

Severus' face was heavily conflicted, and he shifted a little uneasily on the spot. Harry watched as the man steepled his fingers within the long sleeves he meticulously maintained, but he looked away in worry to confront Harry's face directly.

Instead, Harry continued, with a smile spreading widely across his face, "…You do, don't you?"

The man looked hopelessly back at Harry, worry still seeping through his gaze, "I'm not entirely sure, " But then he shook his head, and suddenly looked furious with himself, "Why on earth am I talking to you about this? I really have gone mad."

"I'm glad you're telling me this, sir. Besides, I remember once upon a time you telling me that Ginny was good for me. I haven't forgotten that you know - " Harry looked away, thoughtfully, " - That seems like a world away now, doesn't it?"

"A lot has changed."

"Yeah, it has. And we have, too, " Harry looked back at Severus and smiled again, "We're in a good place now, Severus. We're both safe. You have friends around you. Dawn fancies you and I can tell that you fancy her too. Just…go with it."

"I'm not certain of that. Besides, how are you so blasé about this?" Severus was quite obviously panicked about the entire revelation.

Harry gave a lazy shrug, "I've sort of sensed that for a while. You two seem to get along more than fine."

Despite the darkness, Harry knew full well Severus' cheeks-tinged red. The man looked away, almost ashamed of himself, "Surely it cannot be that obvious?"

Harry shook his head, "No, it isn't. It's only obvious to me because I know you."

Severus' lips pulled into a sneer, but the embarrassment was still evident on his face. He said not a word.

"Severus, you are holding back. Are you scared you'd hurt her, or something?" Harry said quietly. He was careful to choose his words without risk of getting his head hexed off.

Confliction flashed before Severus' eyes. A breath caught in his throat. For all his comical doubts, Harry was a little more intuitive than he gave credit for. He lowered his head, defeated. Again, he said nothing. He knew that when Severus would be confronted with the truth, he'd either lash out or remain silent. Considering their past history of lashing out and saying things they did not mean; Severus chose the latter. Silence already told of much.

He was frightened.

"I know. I don't blame you for it, " Harry said quietly, following through in consideration for the man's silence, "And I've been thinking about that for a while, and…I think I may have a solution for it. I've suggested it before, but I think for you, it might be worth pondering. Because, Severus, you won't let the past rest until you let this rest. You know what I'm implying."

Harry dug deep into his pockets and retrieved the familiar, glistening obsidian stone.

Severus' eyes widened, "After all this time, you've allowed it to accumulate dust instead of being rid of it entirely?! Absolutely foolish of you!"

"I can't just throw it out like rubbish! I couldn't risk it falling into the wrong hands."

The man bared his teeth, trying desperately to compose himself, "Take offense if you will, but your hands are not reliable enough to resist temptation - "

" - I haven't used it at all, I swear, " Harry's voice shook, but he knew he was honest about this, "The last time it was used was when Professor McGonagall summoned Dumbledore at your trial. That's it."

He didn't appear convinced, "And I'm to believe this?"

"Yes. I've wanted to but haven't. Ginny forbade me to use it."

"A wise decision on her part. But this begs the question…Why are showing it to me again?"

Harry bit his lip, feeling as if balls of nerves were knotting in his stomach. Truthfully, he felt scared, too, "A last chance. Because yes, I do want to get rid of it. I hear whispers from it, and…I can't take it anymore, Severus. I was going to have Godric drop it somewhere, so it can be lost. But that would be selfish of me unless I asked around for anyone to use it as well. Luna used it already, as with George. Ginny refused, but Molly was able to see her brothers and Fred."

Severus was agonisingly silent for a moment, "…Why confront me with it?"

"You know why."

"Harry…This is madness. I cannot. I refuse – " Severus was stuttering now.

"Together? We see them together."

"Them?"

"My mum and dad. Severus, I want to you make peace with them because of what happened. Not just for me, but for you especially, " Harry hated the idea of himself begging for something like this, but he knew it would do more good than harm, "I see you holding back with Dawn because you still feel like you haven't had proper closure over what happened."

"Absurd. I don't need closure. And my…relations with Ms Rheingold are really none of your concern."

"Now look who is being foolish, " Harry received a dark glare from the man, but continued nonetheless, "Please. One last chance. That's it."

Severus hesitated; his eyes glossed over, but he was clearly conflicted, "I-I can't."

"I'll be there. We see them together and we can be done with this bloody stone."

Severus eyebrows curved upwards, with slight disappointment, "Your mother would not want me in her sights."

"Rubbish. You don't know that."

"Neither do you, " Severus snapped back, "Our dearly departed are not always forgiving."

"She's not the apparition you saw at the ritual, Severus. If that's what you think – "

" – I don't feel I should risk this encounter. It may be most unwise, " Severus' worry was still quite visible on his face. In fact, he appeared a little nauseous.

"Please, " Harry's voice pleaded softly, "I want to do this, and I want you to be there."

"What good will come of it?" Severus' bottom lip quivered; his voice hoarse with silence.

Harry leaned forward, "Closure. Is that not good enough?"

"Closure is not always a positive experience."

"And yet the unknowing is any better? Oh, come on. Are you planning on spending the rest of your life with the past unresolved?"

"If I have to, then so be it."

"Severus, I am giving you a very rare opportunity here. If it's any consolation, this is my closure too. I think it's only fitting we close this chapter together. I can't do this alone. I need you."

The man sat in silence, steepling his fingers rather nervously. He was at a loss for words and no sound escaped his lips for several moments. Intermittently Severus would look up at the stars amongst the clear night as if he was wishing for a sign. But after his gaze lowered to meet Harry's, he was able to muster a weak smile, "We have indeed come a long way, however, excruciating the journey."

Harry leaned over and gently nudged the man's arm, "Then let's finally close it."

"For you, I will."

June 14th, 2003

[Severus Snape]

Dawn.

Merlin, even Harry could see it.

Did he really have feelings for her?

It was all too much. He couldn't bear to think of it, or else would leave him with a headache.

Lily – he just had to let go of her memory. Harry was right. Her memory needed to be laid to rest within his mind. It was the only way for him to truly focus on his present. His future.

And he couldn't focus on his conflicted feelings for Dawn if Lily was still haunting his thoughts.

Why was he still holding onto her? Too many words left unsaid. Too many accusations without resolution. Too much circumstantial animosity around them. Too much bitterness. Too much pain. Too much false hope. Too many terrible mistakes made.

It had to end. And resolving it finally with her was the only way he could ever make peace with it. All other ways have failed and this one, as daft as it sounded seemed more enticing, yet anxiety-inducing by the minute.

But it made perfect sense.

How else would he be able to move on with this life of his? If it's even worth calling it that.

The proposition Harry had made had been on his mind since, and a part of him felt like it would simply be a waste of time and effort. Perhaps his own prediction would be right and Lily would just mock him for all of his ghastly mistakes. It was indeed quite the gamble. Would he be better off remaining in an endless cycle of guilt, or will he finally get the resolve he had silently sought for, for so many long, terrible years? He only hoped the decision to proceed will work in his favour, because he didn't know what he'd do if it worked against him.

His heart can't bear too much more of that guilt and self-hate.

That Saturday afternoon, Severus was called to Minerva's office to discuss several things. One being his contract renewal. Of course, being as complicated as he was, didn't make that easy on her, and decided to think about the offer. After all, he did only intend to stay for a year, but now since so much had changed as a result of his stay, leaving didn't quite seem like the wisest option. He still had so much more he needed to figure out, and with liaison with Dawn, and guiding Harry, and his Slytherins, leaving now just seemed like the cowardly option.

And he was no coward.

To add to the complication, Horace still planned to resign but has also elected to stay for one more year. At first, Severus was confused as he had been so keen to retire, but Minerva then brought up something else that came as quite a shock.

Draco Malfoy had signed up to teach Potions – the Ministry wanted to cut corners with his studies to fill the position a year earlier as Minerva was still stuck in employing new people. That, Severus did not foresee. Draco was apparently so willing to work twice as hard to get the modules done within the reduced time, leaving him to begin his training in the following school year.

He was definitely going to have words about this with him during the holidays and demand as to why he wasn't informed. Narcissa mentioned nothing of the sort.

Draco? A Professor? This day was full of surprises.

Once swarms of students gathered to make their way over to Hogsmeade for the day – escorted by Filius and Varrick – Severus made his way to the ascending stairs of the Astronomy Tower, with a book tucked neatly under his arm. With a large portion of the student body away, he would be able to find some peace that lasted a little more than usual.

Harry had since gone home for the weekend and Dawn was whisked away to an urgent Auror meeting, leaving Severus pleasantly alone with his thoughts. Severus had sat there on the stone bench at the very top, with the book still closed within his lap. His mind was still distracted by recent events, and he stared blankly over the horizon bathed in the afternoon light.

Another year? Perhaps it wouldn't quite be so terrible. The worst of it all was now over. His nerves upon his return had eventually settled and now it seems as if new things were happening rather interestingly. At first, the idea of change scared him – it still did at times. But now the change seemed to interest him more than anything when an excited bundle of nerves directed him to the possibilities that lay ahead.

Severus was still heavily affected by the war and still panicked on occasion. Annoyingly. But he had since learned to re-focus himself on other things, positively, in order to distract him from his own darkened thoughts which he knew once he lost control again, it would consume him completely.

Harry and Dawn appeared to do that so well, and the idea of leaving them behind to rot back into his quiet abode with terrible addiction and unintentional self-harm was almost a frightening thought.

…And Dawn.

There she was in his thoughts again.

Growling to himself, he finally opened the book that was melting within his idle grasp and flipped over to the pages he had since marked until he heard a familiar set of boots against the floor.

"Go away, Longbottom. Is peace too much to ask for?"

"Sir, I just – "

" – What?!"

Neville stared hard at Severus. His brow arched up, not even fazed by the sudden outburst. His face relaxed and all he could do was offer a small, meek smile in comfort. No panic touched his features as it once did, "I just came to see you, sir. I hope you don't mind."

Actually, I do mind.

Severus' eyes narrowed and he felt a simmering anger bubble within him. Longbottom has issues with intrusion. The last thing he desired was to have his peace interrupted by him.

The Gryffindor planted himself beside Severus and a long silence emanated between them. Neville's fingers tapped nervously together and yet his expression remained calm, "I'm sorry if I was ever such a menace. You know, back when I was a student. I really did try."

Severus' eyes flickered; a mixture of frustration and regret crept through his bones. He wanted to snap at him – he really did. But how could he? Why should he? Those times now have long since passed. Neville wasn't the same incompetent, bumbling fool as he once was, and Severus was not the same man, either. He was tired of feeling angry. He was tired of bottling up so many difficult, loud emotions which all they did, had hurt him and others further. Hate for anything was far too much for him to bear. And this time, he simply couldn't deal with that anymore.

A small breath of defeat escaped the man's lips, "…I know you did. I was difficult and incredibly hard on you because I expected more from you. I pushed you too hard, thinking it would benefit. And yet instead, it hindered. No mere apology would ever feel enough. The fault is mine."

The young man stared at him for the longest time, enough even to make Severus uncomfortable. Neville at this point was difficult to read. His face was passive yet remained unbothered. The old Neville would have scampered off in fright, but this one? He was strong; honorable. He eventually found his own strength and never in the way Severus had ever expected. He once thought so little of him, that he expected him to fail. But instead, the Gryffindor persevered and grew into his own. A soldier. A confident fighter and protector. A young man, despite his passive nature, fought hard for his friends and the lives of those around him and Severus had to give him some credit for that.

"I forgive you, sir."

Severus' heart sunk a little, knowing he should not be receiving such a thing, especially from him, "You are not required to."

"But I want to, " Neville's shoulders relaxed, "There were bigger things to fear than you. I know that now."

Severus' lips couldn't help but twitch in a small smile, "Looks like you've finally grown a backbone after all."

"Better late than never right, sir?" Neville gave a bashful smile.

"No truer words spoken."

Neville turned away to gaze upon the landscape; a few seabirds glided overhead, "Harry told me about your proposition."

"…And?"

"And…I am willing to allow you to give it a go, " Neville turned back to him; he now looked weary, "I know it feels strange about the possibility of them ever recovering, but even the tiniest bit of hope goes a long way."

Severus gave a single nod, still not believing the Gryffindor was sincere about it, "I will not make promises, Longbottom, but I will do my best."

"I know, " Neville smiled, "It has taken me a while, but…I trust you with this."

"It's the very least I can do to…make up for things, " Severus mumbled those last few words, feeling deep shame flush his cheeks yet again. Merlin, he hated that feeling so much. He felt like a fool.

"It's still far more than anyone was willing to do for them, " Neville responded, sincerely.

That alone deterred Severus from his own thoughts, "Expect my owl over the holidays. I'll send word to St. Mungo's about the trial potion."

Neville's grin lit up his face, "I look forward to it, sir. Thank you."

With a huff of excitement, the young man departed his company leaving Severus once again, alone with his thoughts. He ran a cold hand over his tired face, hoping with everything, that he said the right thing.

Hate was simply too much. He was tired of that.

Giving up on his book now unable to focus yet again, he closed the old tome and descended down the stairs taking careful strides not to miss one. During his journey through empty corridors, he reached the staircase leading to the dungeons, when he heard the quiet sobbing of someone just outside the Transfiguration courtyard. At first, he figured it was a student being miserable over exams which seemed very likely, but the voice did not sound quite like a child.

Severus frowned.

Curious, he followed the sound which had dulled by the time he reached outside. From his location, he could see the side profile of a woman sitting on the bench overlooking the gardens. Her eyes reddened and wept with tears.

It was Dawn.

He stood silently, not knowing what to do. He watched as her face scrunched up in pain intermittently, remembering all over again the reason for her quite obvious torment. She sat and wept silently, composing herself where she could and wiping her eyes with the hem of her cloak. Occasionally she would bury her head in her hands and muffled cries within them. Then she would straighten herself in her position to attempt to compose herself. She did this over and over again, but Severus grew weary. Biting back the urge to flee, he strode up to her silently, watching as Dawn soon realised her visitor. She sighed in what appeared to be an immense relief.

Severus stood, rooted to the spot, remaining passive, "Are you alright?"

Of bloody course she isn't, Severus.

Tearily, she could barely muster up a smile. The idea alone devastated him, "I will be. Today is a hard day."

"Students giving you a terrible time?" Severus' pathetic attempt at humor to lighten her mood, was a poor decision, causing him to mentally kick himself.

She gave a half-hearted laugh, devoured by its usual warmth, "No, not at all. Today's date, I…Just, can you sit with me for a while?"

Severus' heart stopped at such a request. She wanted his presence. She didn't grow angry or cast him away as he'd expect anyone to do. No, she wanted him to remain. He stared at her and returned the gaze with such silent desperation within her eyes.

She didn't want to be alone.

He didn't know what good he'd do, but he couldn't bear to tell her he couldn't. Slowly wandering to the stone bench, he lowered himself beside her and sat with her in grief-stricken silence. A silence he was all too familiar with, and he allowed her to express her pain as much as she felt comfortable. And yet he did not know how to console her. He felt as useless as a soccer ball at a Quidditch match.

After a long pause later, Dawn responded far more quietly than he ever heard her speak, "Thank you for being here, Severus."

"I didn't do anything."

"You did far more than you think, " Dawn responded tearfully still, but her eyes exuberated in gratefulness. Her voice, however, remained broken.

With a shuddered breath, she leaned over and gently rested against his shoulder, catching him completely by surprise with the sudden weight upon him. He felt her heaved breaths and her broken cries. And yet he couldn't even bring himself to properly console her.

He was utterly useless.

Do something, Severus. Don't just sit there.

The urge to pull her in closer was strong and yet he simply didn't know how. The woman was breaking beside him and all he could do was pathetically watch. He didn't know what had upset her, or what the date simply implied, but either way, she was hurting and of all the months he had known her in all of her strength and confidence, he had never once witnessed her crumbling like this.

He squeezed his eyes shut and finally mustering up such pathetic courage, he managed to wrap a single arm around her shoulder, praying with everything he had that he wasn't seen by anyone else. Immediately, he felt her relax immensely against him, slowly settling down amongst the contact which had Severus questioning even himself. As his grip remained gentle at her side, she was able to regain a sense of comfort that Severus wasn't sure he was properly giving.

But despite that, he felt something else. Something that was missing from his wretched life.

A connection. Like this.

Perhaps broken souls really do gravitate toward each other. But he only had to wonder what it was that broke hers.

After what seemed like an eternity in the same position, Dawn reached out to tenderly squeeze his wrist in a silent thank you, rising from her seat and composing herself. He didn't even think about flinching that time. Severus watched as she walked away slowly towards the castle, yearning for her to stay. But she disappeared from view and suddenly his world felt strangely empty again.

He really was falling for her.

What was it like to feel love?

Actual love.

Was it the cliché feeling of tingles in the stomach like they used to describe in old, exaggerated romance novels his grandmother used to read? Or the rosy blush in the cheeks in the presence of the warm sensation that bubbled within modern Muggle films. Or the fast beating of the heart when thoughts cultivated in positive hopefulness overcome your very soul.

What was love, exactly? What did it feel like? Returned love. Reciprocated love.

He did not know. It was unfamiliar to him in all possible ways, and it was as foreign as speaking another language not in your own tongue.

What did it feel like to be with someone? To lovingly hold them. To genuinely soothe them. To intimately touch them. To love them…It surely couldn't have been what he had just experienced. Because he wasn't even sure she felt the same for him. If she ever did.

Now it seemed like some childish fairy tale, coloring love like some magical spell that would become the sudden cure for all sadness, and longing, and hopelessness.

Love was not a remedy. Not as one would think, anyway. It was a feeling, not a cure. It was an emotion. A human emotion. But one he didn't quite feel capable of expressing.

There was something wrong with him, no doubt. What unhealthy childhood he endured had groomed and doomed him for a life filled with darkness and rejection. He was incapable of feeling such softness, such…fragility of one's soul.

But still…What did love feel like?

He was scared. He didn't want to feel. He didn't like the idea of such a vulnerability of his heart long since fortified from his loveless past. Because those he loved had hurt him in some way. A past filled with so much unkindness and isolation. It wasn't possible for him to feel such things. Love was such a beautiful concept not made for cold, bitter hearts like his own. Love couldn't save him, and it most certainly was unable to heal him from the impossible scars he bared across his body and soul.

It just wasn't possible. Not for him.

There was no point in trying. He was a monster, forever tainted by his past wrongdoings, and those of which could never be undone or forgotten. He wasn't worth knowing.

No.

No one could ever dare love a miserable bastard like him.

And that was his own damn fault.