"I'm interested in things," said Doctor Worm, twirling one of his drumsticks. "I'm not a real doctor, but I am a real worm! I am an actual worm!"
"WE CAN SEE THAT!" Worldwide Smoke collectively responded, eyes whiting out and their teeth becoming razor sharp. Even Ruth joined in on this, though she hissed instead of saying the words.
"What do you want?!" Shaska yelled at the giant worm, relaxing her combat stance slightly.
"Hi there, small travelers! We don't usually get people as small as you on Mesomeso Island!"
Shaska cracked her knuckles and growled "I'm not messing around, worm. What do you want?!"
"I need your help, small travelers! The inhabitants of this kingdom don't listen to what I have to say!"
"Maybe because you're a giant, freaky worm…" Schwarz muttered.
"My friend, Rabbi Vole, has gone missing!" Doctor Worm exclaimed. "He's been missing for weeks now! We used to jam together… me on the drums and him on the bass."
Doctor Worm began tearing up, and, due to his size, the teardrops were absolutely massive as well. A single teardrop fell, and created a rather large puddle next to Zinnia's feet.
"So… what? You want us to help you find your friend?" Shaska asked, completely relaxing. She waved her hand and said "pass. We're just here to relax until the log pose changes."
Doctor Worm began to sob, his wailing so loud it threatened to rupture the eardrums of Worldwide Smoke. The crew reflexively covered their ears.
As Doctor Worm continued to cry loudly at the top of his worm lungs, Isha began to shout.
"SHASKA! GIVE THE MONSTER WHAT IT WANTS!"
"WHAT?!" Shaska shouted back, looking at Isha.
"GIVE THE MONSTER WHAT IT WANTS!"
Shaska turned back to the sobbing Doctor Worm and gritted her teeth. Then, she shouted "FINE! FINE! WE'LL HELP! JUST STOP CRYING, DAMMIT!"
Doctor Worm sobered up, his tears having formed a small pond around Worldwide Smoke's feet. He sniffled and looked down at the crew. "Ya mean it?" he asked.
"Yes, yes! Just stop freaking crying!" Shaska yelled, lowering her hands from her ears.
"Yay! Great, last I saw him, we were about to play a set in the town of Beller on the Yuufure River. But when the day came for the concert, he was nowhere to be found! I called him and called him, but he never answered!"
"The town of Beller?" Schwarz asked, also uncovering his ears.
"Yup! It's a few miles up the river. It's a bustling town, the artistic center of the Twin Rivers Kingdom. Come on, hop on my back, I'll take you!"
The members of Worldwide Smoke exchanged nervous glances, but ultimately acquiesced so Doctor Worm wouldn't start crying again. One by one, they hopped onto the giant worm's back.
"Alright, tiny strangers, to Beller!" Doctor Worm called as he took off along the river's edge.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Johnson muttered.
"Let us know when it's news, birdson," Schwarz retorted with an eye roll.
—-
In the port town of Flansburg, Zeiko, Zeimaru, and Salvatore disembarked from their mink taxi at city hall, Zeiko carrying the bag of cat food that was almost as big as she was. She dropped it in front of the giant mink and said "…here…?"
The mink taxi greedily tore open the bag and began devouring the cat food, much to the confusion of the Cipher Pol agents. The mink looked up from its meal and asked "what? No tip?"
"I DON'T NORMALLY CARRY GIANT BAGS OF CAT FOOD!" Zeiko shouted, crossing her arms as her eyes whited out and her teeth became even sharper than normal.
The mink taxi finished its lunch, and then started wandering down the street in search of its next customer. Of particular note in this part of town was giants who were walking boulders like they were pets, long strings wound around them. In addition to their purple toupees, they had fake foreheads on their real heads.
"Ugh, what are those people doing?" Zeimaru asked, rubbing his forehead and blowing smoke.
"Well, you know what they say," said Salvatore. "Everyone wants a rock to wind a piece of string around…"
"N-nobody says that, Salvatore…" said Zeiko, puffing on her cigarette.
"Let's… let's try to ignore the weirdness of this place and go inside," said Zeimaru, pushing on the massive door to the mayor's office with his equally massive strength.
The trio entered the building and were greeted by a young giantess sitting at a giant desk, filing her nails. Due to their size difference, the giantess receptionist didn't see them.
After a brief pause, Zeimaru cleared his throat very loudly, prompting the giantess to look down over her desk at them.
"Oh! Little people!" she exclaimed. "What brings you to Mayor Jamesensor's office today?"
Zeiko jumped, then hopped off the air with her Moon Walk technique, landing on the desk in order to get closer to the giantess' eye level. She pulled out her badge and flashed it.
"Name's Zeiko. These are my associates, Zeimaru and Salvatore. We're here from the World Government's Cipher Pol W-2 collection agency. We have business with the leader of this kingdom, the Warlord, Seven Ford. We're here to see the mayor so we can more easily track him down."
"Ooooooh…" said the giantess as Zeiko put her badge away. "Yes, yes. Heavenly Tribute."
The giantess reached into her desk and pulled out a large bag of cat food and dropped it on the desk.
"Maybe you could… 'look the other way' this time…" she said, shifting her eyes left and right.
Zeiko looked at the cat food, then back at the giantess, then rested her face in her palm and blew smoke. "We don't have a use for cat food, you weirdo!" she growled. "What we want is berries. PAPER MONEY. Or, failing that, GOLD. SILVER. Anything that's not shit out after it's used!"
"Ah, we appear to be having a bit of a culture clash, then…" the giantess mused.
"TAKE US TO THE MAYOR!" Zeiko shouted, pointing at the door behind the giantess. "And don't think we'll forget about you trying to bribe us!"
"Oh, fine," the giantess muttered. She pressed a button on the giant transponder snail on her desk.
"Mr. Jamesensor? Government employees here to see you."
There was silence on the other end.
"He'll see you now," the giantess said, getting up and opening the door.
Zeiko hopped down, and she and her compatriots went in. Before they cleared the threshold, the giantess leaned down and whispered to Zeiko.
"Pssst. By the way, I really like your purple toupee, ma'am. Great shade!"
"THIS IS MY NATURAL HAIR!" Zeiko shouted, eyes becoming white and her teeth becoming daggers again. Her brother promptly grabbed her collar and dragged her into the mayor's office.
The mayor's office, like everything else on the island, was very, very large. The room was lined with all sorts of surreal paintings, as well as painting equipment. The paintings were of skeletons, wearing clothes and playing games and such. There were not, however, any skeletons with afros playing music, though.
Draped across the desk was a giant's skeleton, still wearing clothes and a purple toupee on its skull, with no sign of any other life in the room. The Cipher Pol trio stood there in silence.
Then, out of nowhere, the skeleton shot straight up, seemingly snapping to life.
"Good morrow, tiny people! I'm Jamesensor, Mesomeso's famous painter and the mayor of this fine port town! How can I help today?" the skeleton exclaimed.
The trio stood there in silence. Salvatore was scared; the twins were unimpressed.
"I'm done!" Zeiko exclaimed, throwing her hands up. She threw her cigarette on the ground and stomped on it, then turned on her heel and began to storm off. She was stopped by Salvatore grabbing her wrist.
"Wait, Zeiko. Please, be patient," he said.
"Patient, he says! A giant freaking skeleton is talking to us!" Zeiko declared. "No, this island is just too… freaky!"
She turned to face Jamesensor, asking "What is that? Some kind of Devil Fruit ability?! SKELETONS DON'T TALK!"
"Ah, you see, miss, I happened to be born with a–" Jamesensor tried to say, but Zeiko interrupted him.
"No! I don't care!" Zeiko shouted, furiously shaking her finger at the giant skeleton. "This place… My sanity has run its course! This island is full of giant freaks!"
"Y'know, those Marines said the same thing about you and Zeimaru," Salvatore explained. "It doesn't seem fair for you to dismiss these giants on the same grounds. Just because they're different doesn't mean that–"
"Let me just stop you, Salvatore," Zeiko interrupted, crossing her arms. "On Fishman Island, we do not play with pet rocks. On Fishman Island, we don't have filthy scarecrows popping up out of nowhere to make freaky parodies of us. On Fishman Island, WE DON'T HAVE TALKING FUCKING SKELETONS! NO! I'M DONE!"
"Zeiko… Sis…" Zeimaru said calmly. "We have a mission to complete. We haven't failed once, and we're not going to start now just because the island is… eccentric, let's say."
"'Eccentric', yeah, whatever," Zeiko responded mockingly.
"Sis!"
Zeiko rolled her eyes, then pulled out another cigarette and lit it up. She growled, took in a drag, then blew some smoke. After a few deep breaths, she closed her eyes, then opened them again. She looked up at Jamesensor, saying "okay, skeleton guy, help us out. We're here on behalf of the World Government. We need to get to Seven Ford and inspect his books. Where is he?"
The giant skeleton leaned back in his chair and crossed his bony arms. "Hmmm… after that little tirade, maybe I don't feel like helping ya…"
"I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Zeiko shouted. She charged forward, and only stopped after being restrained by her compatriots. "I WILL RIP YOUR FREAKY BONES APART! LIMB FROM LIMB!"
"...what my… incensed sister is trying to say, Mister Mayor, is that we'd like an escort to the capital to find Mister Seven Ford," Zeimaru explained. "Please…?"
Jamesensor leaned forward and simply said "sure."
Zeiko huffed and puffed, then calmed down, serenely adjusting her tie after Zeimaru and Salvatore let her go. "Good. Glad we're clear on that, Mister Mayor…"
"I'll call you a mink taxi and have you driven to Linnelton. And I'll call up Mister Seven Ford so that he knows you're coming and roll out the proverbial welcome mat for you!"
"Thank you, mayor," Zeimaru said with a bow. Salvatore followed suit. Zeiko bowed as well, but only after rolling her eyes again.
The government trio were escorted outside, and a mink taxi was called for them, promptly departing for Linnelton. Jamesensor and his giantess receptionist waved them goodbye. Shortly thereafter, though, Jamesensor headed back inside and quickly dialed up Ford via transponder snail.
"Doctor Feelgood? There's government stooges headed your way."
"I, ah… know. And you didn't, ah… stop them?"
"Doctor Feelgood, I'm just a giant talking skeleton. I couldn't possibly stand up against three Cipher Pol agents. A Warlord, on the other hand…"
Ford sighed, saying "fine… I'll, ah, meet with them. How long before they, ah… get here…?"
"They just left Flansburgh in a mink taxi. They should be in Linnelton tomorrow."
"Hm… shorter time frame than, ah… expected. No, ah, matter. I've already set the factories to, ah, crisis mode. Good job, ah… 'mayor'…"
"And you're sure I'll get my throne back when Minus World is done…?"
"I, ah… make no promises," said Ford.
Caaaalick
—
Doctor Worm barrelled his way up the Yuufure River riverbank. At the front on his back was Shaska, who was less than impressed with this turn of events.
"So what brings you all to the Twin Rivers Kingdom?" Doctor Worm cheerfully asked.
"We're a paramilitary organization that just got our asses handed to us in our last battle," Shaska explained. "We're here to relax and lick our wounds until the log pose changes."
"Oh, well you're gonna be licking your wounds for a while, then! Log change here is a year and a half!"
The rest of Worldwide Smoke collectively groaned at this information.
"It's fine!" Shaska yelled back at them. "We still have an Eternal Pose to most places in the Grand Line. We can ditch this place on schedule!"
"Why would you ever want to leave this place? It's amazing!" Doctor Worm exclaimed.
"It is pretty… unbearably hot here," Ren said, tugging on her choker.
"And the fauna is really annoying…" Isha muttered.
Slowly but surely, a town became visible on the horizon.
"There it is!" Doctor Worm exclaimed. "The city of Beller! The artistic capital of the Twin Rivers Kingdom."
"Finally…" thought everyone in Worldwide Smoke.
—-
In the city of Linnelton, near Ford's palace in the center of town, was what looked like an ordinary building under a gigantic hovering sombrero. The Apollo Hospital served all of the Twin Rivers Kingdom, providing world class (if extremely eccentric) medical care to the giant populace of Mesomeso Island. However, it's also a front.
Under the hospital lay a massive factory and greenhouse, in which Minus World's last supply of arms and Happy Happy Grass were produced after the Mercury Collective disbanded six (nearly seven) months prior. The factory entrance was located in a secret wing of the hospital, heavily guarded by giant hospital orderlies who happened to be on the take from Minus World. This entrance to the factory was also easily accessible from the hospital's rear, which happened to be secluded by numerous other buildings.
One by one, the prisoners from the Spirit of Liberty were led into this secret wing of the hospital and ordered to change into Minus World garb. After this process was complete, they were escorted down into the factory, where they were to spend the rest of their lives until the final conquest of Marie Jois making weapons and tending to the Happy Happy Grass. Of course, they were never going to actually stop, even after the conquest. Every dictatorship needs military force to keep its citizens in line.
Even though the building was designed with giants in mind, the majority of its workers were normal-sized humans. Due to the size of the equipment, fatal accidents were common, though this mattered none to the higher-ups of Minus World.
Songs proclaiming the glory of von Esens and Minus World were constantly blared through loudspeaker transponder snails, and similar to the "classroom" on the Spirit of Liberty, the walls were covered in Minus World propaganda and standards.
Roxanne, Franco, and Freddie were kept together, forced to work the assembly line putting rifles together, each wearing a sea prism stone bracelet to negate any possibility of Devil Fruit powers hindering the assembly process. If they were to ever screw up, they were intensely whipped. And as Franco was working with only one arm, he was whipped frequently.
Among the prisoners of the factory, though, was a particularly odd one. He was a large vole-like creature, wearing a tiny hat and had long hair curls protruding from the sides of his head, similar to Jewish payot. No matter how many whippings he took, his spirit couldn't be broken. He kept whistling his own tune against the melody of the propaganda songs as he worked assembling weapons for Minus World's army.
—-
Soon enough, Worldwide Smoke arrived in Beller. Much like the port city of Flansburgh, the buildings were made of clay, and the giants were playing with rocks on strings.
"Here we are, new friends! The city of Beller!" Doctor Worm exclaimed.
"And we're supposed to find your friend in this gigantic city… how?" Schwarz asked, hopping off the worm's back.
Lulupo followed suit, hopping off the monster's back and asking "and what exactly is in it for us, worm darling?"
"Hmmm…" said Doctor Worm, unable to stroke his chin with his tiny arms. "I'm not a real doctor, I'm just a musician, so I don't have anything material to give you…"
Worldwide Smoke were completely unimpressed by this, and gathered in a huddle to discuss how to proceed further.
"Okay, look, if we don't help this guy, he's gonna scream again," Shaska whispered. "But if we do help him, that's time we're not relaxing!"
"This city is huge! And we're small!" Schwarz added. "We're not gonna find a giant vole in here, no matter how distinct he is!"
"What is a vole…?" Zinnia asked.
"I like whispering, too…" Doctor Worm added, having poked his giant face into the huddle.
The huddle broke, and Shaska turned to Doctor Worm, saying "Doctor Worm… buddy… we're, ah, gonna go…" as she pointed over her shoulder into the city.
"Find Rabbi Vole, right?"
"Sure!" Shaska exclaimed, lying.
"But, Miss Shaska, I thought we just agreed tha—'' Zinnia tried to say before Ren quickly reached up and covered her mouth.
Worldwide Smoke collectively began to step away from the giant worm, whose smile didn't even begin to fade. As they did so, however, a dust storm started to blow, and quickly intensified.
Then, materializing out of the dust came a giant dressed as a superhero, of all things, complete with mask, tights, and a cape.
"HALT, EVILDOERS!" he cried. "I, Particle Man, shall stop you from releasing your monster on this fine city!"
Once again, Worldwide Smoke released a collective flat "what."
"Would you believe this is still only the second weirdest adventure I've been on?" Shaska added.
TO BE CONTINUED