It's My Life
A month had passed since Severus and Harry's little heart to heart, where Harry openly admitted his depression and Severus gave Harry a reason not to give up. The reason he'd always looked for but could never quite name. Yes, Harry usually picked wanting to stick around for his friends but the last thing he wanted would be any of them blaming themselves for not seeing the signs. Harry had put on a strong front to hide how he felt from others; he did sense Hermione could probably see past the surface, and Draco could too.
It was shocking to Harry how close they had become since calling a truce back in August when Harry and him sat in Potter Manor alone. No, Severus gave Harry a reason to keep going and it was more than just the people in his life who were there for him. It was taking Voldemort and Dumbledore down, it was getting rid of anybody who was causing him to not live freely. Voldemort needed destroying, but as for Albus, Harry would settle on Azkaban for him. Same with Dolores. Right now it was Thursday, November 30th, 1995.
Harry kept up with his classes and doing amazingly, except Defense Against the Dark Arts and that was because the pink nightmare was purposely giving him a hard time. Harry kept his mouth shut and did his work, but he did report to Severus that Umbridge was causing him to fail, even showing his work to Severus who agreed it was worthy of EE or O grading. EE stood for Exceeds Expectations and O was Outstanding. Umbridge was marking Harry's work as failing, T for Troll or P for Poor.
Harry was still leading the Defense Army, only calling it Dumbledore's Army as a cover if anyone found out and they'd think Albus had come up with the idea. It was very sneaky and Harry's little revenge. Harry still avoided Albus as much as possible, coming up with many excuses to just do something else. Such as homework or made up detentions with Severus. Of course, Harry did meet with Severus seven nights a week after dinner and from 8:45 pm to 9:45 pm; they'd work on Occlumency lessons.
Harry wasn't great at it, but he could get his mental barriers in place. The hard part was keeping them strong and working at keeping them up all the time, even when sleeping since that's when Harry saw the visions of himself as Voldemort's snake, Nagini, and attacking people. The night Harry returned to the common room after his heart to heart with Severus, he did get the third degree from Draco, who tested that it was really him and then Harry went for his shower and got ready for bed.
Severus kept their talk private, as it should be. Also, before Severus returned Harry to the common room, he asked permission to enter Harry's mind and get the evidence of Albus making demands and ordering Harry to obey him, including the attempted spell casting. Severus sent them to Gringotts to add to the investigation file on removing Albus completely from being Harry's guardian.
It was only temporary and if there wasn't enough evidence; Severus would be revoked and things would return to Albus's command. Harry didn't want Albus having control over anything of his or him, so he would submit whatever memories he had to out the manipulative bastard and get in trouble. Lucius was working on clearing Sirius's name still, but it was really hard without Peter Pettigrew to be turned over and give the truth. If Voldemort found out that Lucius was kidnapping Pettigrew to clear Sirius; the man would know Lucius and Narcissa weren't on his side and they'd be killed.
Harry couldn't allow that, so other methods were being looked into to clear Sirius from charges and get him a free man. Severus had said he'd back off as Harry's guardian if Sirius could take over, but that was still up in the air as to what would actually happen. Right now, everyone was just playing along that Albus and Voldemort were holding all the cards. At the moment, it was about 4:30 pm as the army were surely on their way to the usual meeting; Harry was already there with Severus.
"What will you be teaching them tonight?" Severus asked.
"Given the random dementor attacks…I think I should show them the patronus charm." Harry mentioned.
"Do you feel confident enough to teach that spell? Not everyone can cast it, Harry." Severus reminded.
"Remus taught me pretty easily, simple instructions. I know not everyone can cast it, Professor…But surely there needs to be people other than me, you, and likely teachers who can cast it. For the sake of the attacks I mentioned…What if you hadn't been able to run back that day? What if I hadn't been strong enough to raise my wand. It could have been disastrous." Harry explained.
"You make a good point." Severus acknowledged. "But you learned with a boggart, taking the form of a dementor. How will you teach the others?"
"Just gonna have to give them a good explanation and demonstration." Harry replied. "I can explain prior that not everyone can cast it, and not to get discouraged." He added. "But I think it should be taught now. I told them I'd teach them everything I know and this is one of them. What's the difference if they learn now or in two years?"
"I suppose." Severus agreed. "Very well. I'll assist however I can, I told you I was here to support this club and your vision of proper defense lessons. I stand by that."
"Thank you, Severus," Harry smiled. "I think anyone can do it. I mean if I can cast it while as depressed as I am and not even using a true happy memory…I think anyone can. You just need the right memory."
"We shall see. I'm interested to see your teaching method for this one, Professor Potter." Severus teased.
It was now when the door appeared and let students file in for the lesson tonight. Of course, Harry and Severus were still in their teasing battle so most just came in quiet to listen. Everyone knew the relationship between Harry and Severus; it hadn't been good since the two met in first year potions for Harry. But this? The two were getting along. Joking with one another.
"Oh…Shut up," Harry rolled his eyes, even lightly nudging against Severus's arm as his to shove him away.
"Perhaps a detention tonight will teach you not to be so sassy and disrespectful to a teacher," Severus remarked.
"If we're throwing out detentions, as you just called me a Professor, maybe I should give you one for starting the sassiness." Harry countered.
"Well played, Potter. Well played." Severus commented, arms folded over one another. "Though not legal or official at any capacity within this school that you're a defense master…I can admit when I see potential. What you teach these students, while a student yourself, is more than enough to say you could absolutely be a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
"Again, not legal of the sort, but you're doing what that dreadful pink nightmare is failing to do and that's properly educating the students on what they need for their OWLs this year. And possibly NEWTs in seventh year. I don't impress easily, Potter…But you've managed to show me I was wrong about you over the years. Even your potions work is stellar. You'd probably have all O's if not for that intolerable woman." The potions master remarked.
Harry beamed at the compliment and encouragement. "Thank you, sir."
"I'm just gonna go on record with witnesses that its bloody shocking and weird to see you two get along." Ron enlightened. Plenty of others nodded in agreement while Draco and his friends just snickered a bit.
"It is really odd, Harry…Almost like you see one another as equals and a mutual respect." Hermione added.
"We got over our differences." Harry and Severus said at the same time.
"And that was even weirder." Ron shivered.
"Watch the disrespect before I take points, Mr. Weasley. I am still your teacher." Severus and Harry said again.
"Okay, not gonna lie…That is kind'a weird you two." Draco interjected.
"It's weird that you two are friends too!" Hermione and Ron said pointing at Draco and Harry.
"We're not first years anymore, there was no need to keep up the childish rivalry. Especially while in the same house," Harry informed.
"Yeah and Harry makes a better snake than a lion," Draco chuckled.
"Eh," Harry shrugged. "Moving on!" He got their attention. "Form up, boys and girls!" Two lines formed on either side of him, but a good distance back so they could see everything, and hear well. Severus had taken his seat in the chair by the fireplace, having both a book to read and papers to work on from another class. It was just to keep him busy, but also aware to watch the class in case of emergencies. "Now, tonight I've decided with Professor Snape's allowance, to teach you the charm you saw me use when the dementors appeared."
"That silvery-blue light shield?" Ginny asked.
"Yes." Harry nodded. "This is known as a Patronus Charm, and it is a NEWT-level spell. How I know this spell didn't come from battling Voldemort, though. Ron and Hermione will vouch that I seem to be a dementor's favorite." Ron and Hermione both nodded several times. "I learned this charm from Remus Lupin, for those who remember him; he was the DADA teacher back in the 1993 to 1994 school year." Someone put their hand up.
"Yes, Remus is a werewolf and the man was one of my mother and father's best friends. I do also see him as an uncle and have contact with him. Does that about summarize the questions about him that were going to get asked." Hands went back down. "Right then. I was only thirteen when I learned this charm and I will tell you all right now that it is not easy to cast. In fact, its common knowledge that not everyone can cast it. I mention this now so no one gets discouraged if they are unable to perform it. However, I believe that anyone can do anything with the right mindset. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir," The group replied. Harry shot Severus a glare when he gave Harry a look that said everyone saw him as a professor to them.
"Obviously for this lesson, I will not be using a boggart like I learned with because if a dementor isn't your biggest fear; it won't work right. The spell can be cast without a dementor around, and it will take a lot of concentration. There are several forms this spell can take on. There's the shield you saw me cast back on Halloween. There is a larger barrier-like version that pushes everything back. And then there is the animal version." Harry paused.
"Now, the animal version is the most difficult to produce. And everyone's is different, but some can be similar. Do not ask me to explain why because I really have no idea. I know my parents' patronus animals complimented their love for one another. My father's was a stag, the male deer while my mom's was a doe, the female deer." He explained.
"What's yours?" Seamus asked.
"Surprisingly, a stag like my father's." Harry replied. "Now, who wants to learn?" All hands shot up with excitement. "Just to give the demonstration…" He paused as he pulled his wand. "Expecto Patronum," He gave it flick as the light shot out a brilliant and magnificent stag that settled on the floor and walked around the others so they could get a good look at it. "This is the full bodied patronus. And you saw the shield last time, both are just as effective but it's been said the corporeal, or the animal form is stronger because the animal is said to take on your spirit guardian, something that represents something within yourself." The stag returned to Harry and faded away.
"It's worth mentioning that this charm can also be used to communicate with others." Severus added. "Those who are not pure of heart with good intentions will have a hard time casting this, if able at all."
"Can you perform it, Professor?" Draco asked.
"I can." Severus replied.
"Can yours take on animal form?" Theodore inquired.
"No," Severus lied. His took on a doe, like Lily Potter's, but Severus couldn't reveal that without raising questions from Harry as to why his guardian and professor had the same patronus as his mother. "But I can cast the shield. I'd have done it on Halloween, but I was surprised to learn Potter knows it."
"I have my secrets, Professor," Harry chuckled.
"Indeed." Severus went back to his work.
"Alright…How do we perform this one? Just speak the incantation?" Blaise questioned.
"That's the hard part about this one…It cannot be performed by incantation alone." Harry smiled. "To cast this charm, you need a memory," He began. "But not just any. You need a memory that is strong. Powerful. Meaningful. And happy."
"So without a happy memory, you can't cast this?" Cho inquired.
"You need all the qualities I listed. You need something happy, powerful, and meaningful to you. This memory is what fills you up and gives you the positive feeling to cast the charm." Harry told them. "I warned you in the beginning that this is not easy to cast and not everyone can do it…But that doesn't mean you can't try anyway and defy the odds." He stated. "Who wants to give it a go?"
"You don't have a dementor hiding somewhere, do you?" Ron asked.
"Of course not…" Harry folded his arms.
"I'll try," Ginny volunteered.
"Excellent. Come right up," Harry moved aside as Ginny stood next to him. "Alright now, wand up," He instructed as Ginny raised her arm. "Your wand movement is a simple circle-flick," Harry gave his wand a simple circle motion, then firm flick straight ahead. Ginny did the motion right after a few tries and Harry's guidance. "Now, you need your memory. Close your eyes, block out everything around you and pick a happy, powerful memory…"
"I've got one," Ginny told him.
"Good, Ginny. Let it fill you up…Open your eyes and then speak Expecto Patronum with the wand movement." Harry told her.
Ginny opened her eyes and gave the movement. "Expecto Patronum," Nothing happened.
"Very nice movements and annunciation, Ginny. Keep at it, I'm sure you'll be able to cast the charm." Harry encouraged. Ginny smiled, flushing a bit, and nodding to him. "Let's spread out and work on it. I'll be moving around to help all I can, but remember…This spell is entirely on your ability to think positive."
. . .
It went on until about 6:00 pm. The classes had to be kept short for the sake of not drawing too much attention to themselves, but they had this class three times a week and they spent the entire time learning and practicing. No one had really gotten it yet, a few managed the silvery light, but no shield and no animal either. Some progress was better than nothing at all.
"Harry, I feel like I'm doing this all wrong," Draco complained. Harry laughed a little. He didn't take Draco for a complainer, it was kind of cute. "Don't laugh!"
"I'm not laughing at your inability to do it, Draco. I know this is a hard charm to cast…I was laughing because I don't take you for a complainer." Harry told him.
Draco flushed a little. "Oh. But still, come over and help me,"
Harry walked over next to him. "Alright, show me what you're doing. Stance to spell,"
Draco took his stance, did the wand motion and spoke the incantation. Of course, nothing happening but Harry had moved around Draco to inspect everything he did. "Well?" Draco asked.
"Stance doesn't make a huge difference, but's currently hindering your ability to rotate your wrist properly. Try like this," Harry showed him. Draco fixed his footing and raised his arm. "Feel better, not so restricted?" Draco nodded to him. "Alright, do the wand movement again." Draco tried it and looked at Harry. "Don't move your arm, you only need to do that to bring your wand up."
"Or when you're more experienced with it. Like me, I didn't have to really do the motion after a while." Harry insisted. "For lessons, though…Best to stick to the normal practice. Here, give it a little circle using your wrist," Harry raised his wand and showed him the movement again. Draco tried it and did it fine. "Right, there you go," Harry smiled. "Now, try it with the spell?"
Draco did the motion. "Expecto Patronum." He sighed. "I'm gonna be one of those people who can't, aren't I?"
"Don't put yourself down. Plenty of others haven't gotten it either. Draco, it's only the first lesson and only been practicing about an hour and thirty minutes. It's been a long day…It takes time." Harry informed.
"How long did it take you?" Dean inquired.
"Three tries, and the first landed me passing out on the floor." Harry informed.
"It only took you three tries to get the stag to form?!" Lee Jordan gasped.
"No, the stag didn't form until later on during a battle with a large amount of dementors…" Harry left out that it had been protecting Sirius, and technically himself. "I got the shield after three tries." People started grumbling. "Don't give up…Come on. Even experienced wizards and witches can't cast this…It takes practice."
"Says the guy who got it after three tries!" Michael Corner, a male from Ravenclaw, huffed.
"Sometimes it's the memory you choose. Sometimes it's not strong enough, my first chosen memory was the first time I rode a broom and Remus told me that it wasn't strong enough." Harry informed calmly.
"I don't understand the whole…Fill you up thing," Draco said.
"You have to let the happiness that memory brings you take over your body. Pushing everything else back, clear your mind of everything except that memory and let the feeling fill you up." Harry explained. Draco eyed him, still confused. "Okay…Try this, Dray," Harry got behind him. "Close your eyes," Draco did so. "Relax your body, lower your wand to your side…" Draco took a deep breath and lowered his wand.
"Now…Search your memories. Find one that is happy, meaningful to you, and strong. The happiest you've ever felt…" Draco let his memories cycle through, finding the one of him over at Potter Manor and having dinner with Severus, Harry, and his parents. That was when he and Harry called the truce, agreed to be friends. It was so perfect that night, everyone happy and getting along. The image of life without Voldemort around.
Severus watching closely, he saw a smile appear on Draco's face. "Don't lose focus, but keep your eyes closed and nod once if you have a memory." Draco nodded once to Harry. "I want you to let whatever feeling that memory is giving you fill your body like…A drink into a cup. Start at the bottom and let it fill you to the top…Let it wash over you like rain. Let it wrap around you like a protective barrier. Give the feeling a color, see it protecting you…" Harry told him softly. "When you've done that, raise your wand up to position. I want you to keep the image in mind as you open your eyes and immediately cast the charm with the movement like we practiced."
Draco let the feeling fill him and then he raised his wand up and held his arm in place. Draco's eyes opened as he waved his wand in the motion he worked with Harry on. "Expecto Patronum," A long silver light shot from the end of Draco's wand as it first moved like a coiling snake, but then it took shape as a dragon.
Everyone's eyes widened at the sight as even Severus stared in shock. His godson cast the charm and managed a corporeal form?! "I-I did it…" Draco said as the surprise wore off and he laughed a little as the dragon opened its mouth to release a small shield like Harry had done a month ago. The dragon curled into itself and faded into nothing. "I did it!"
Harry smiled and had his hands on Draco's shoulders, then stepped up to the side of him, leaving one arm around his friend's shoulders. "Always knew you could." Harry told him. "Fantastic job. I'm so proud."
"Couldn't have done it without you." Draco told Harry.
"You could have, eventually." Harry winked and gave his friend a hug. "Now, let's file out. Dinner is an hour and a half, and part of this agreement is that we don't use the army to get out of assignments. Good work all of you, we'll practice more next class on Sunday." He dismissed everyone.
People began to file out and they all headed whatever way to their dorms, or wherever place they were going to work on homework until dinner. Harry was one of the last to leave with Severus, who had nonchalantly put a hand on his shoulder with a nod of proudness to how he taught the lesson and broke it down easier to get Draco to be able to cast the charm. Harry was happy, just like Severus said to him a month ago; things were getting easier to deal with and he was beginning to heal from the years of suffering. Things were finally looking up.