Disclaimer: Don't own Spy X Family, nor any of its characters.
Rating: T
A series of connected one-shots, where the duo have come to realize a certain reality they've been trying to deny, and gradually move forward from there.
Home
Seated beside his bed, Loid kept reading by lamplight, but mostly as a way to pass the time; until Anya was put to sleep, he'll be patient. It was also a way to keep his mind from over-analyzing the situation - as much as he excels at that, this situation is not one he could conceivably do so with.
It's far better to just ask, get her opinion, and go from there... or so he kept telling himself.
But if it would rid him of this uncertainty and make his path clearer, it's worth a try.
Knock knock
"It's me."
Loid glanced up. "Enter."
The door opened a sliver and Yor slipped in, before she closed it - when she looked back, he indicated that she can sit anywhere. After a moment's pause, she moved to sit down upon the every edge of his bed, even as he put away his book.
"Anya didn't want to go to sleep, again?" he asked, almost bemused.
Slightly sheepish, Yor nodded. "She kept saying she wasn't tired. But, as I read in one of those children-raising books, just continuing to play with Anya wore her out" she explained, giving a little smile. "I think it's a helpful tip. And Bond helped out a little with the toys."
Indeed; he'll have to make a mental note of that.
But for now, best get straight to the point.
"I see" he noted, before taking an appropriate pause. "Now, as to why I asked to talk, Yor."
She tilted her head. "This sounded rather important earlier."
"It is. I want to talk about our arrangement."
Yor jolted, surprised; he chose then to look forward, taking a moment to think. As such, he missed the flickers in her expression, how her hands almost clenched, and the brief shadow that hid her face...
"Like what?"
Loid took in a breath. "First, we've been part of it for awhile" he mused, if with a slight smile. "A lot has happened."
Yor blinked as she looked at him, seeming a little surprised and confused. "Y- Yes, that's true, Loid."
Then he turned his head, still with that slight smile. "I will admit, there were times where I thought it was merely convenient, a way to mask suspicion from the public. You've thought the same, right Yor?"
"...Oh, well, yes I have" Yor breathed, shifting her hands together; she glanced away from him. "But even so, I'm glad to be a part of it, truly."
A good sign, but he shouldn't assume yet.
"And that's the thing" Loid added, making her look at him. "If it is purely for convenience, then neither of us should feel attachments to the situation. But what if we do? How will we handle it? Those are the questions I've been musing about lately."
Yor let out a breath, staring at him- he didn't notice her fingers shaking. "What do you mean?"
"This, Yor: if the situation ever came up where this arrangement of ours had to end... could you accept that? Or, even if you could accept it, would you want to end it?"
Near the end, he'd leaned closer toward her without noticing - although he wasn't "too close", it definitely startled Yor, who's cheeks turned pink and couldn't look away from him. Even more than that, she was shocked by what he'd just said... yet as the seconds stretched on, while he wasn't sure he could pick out everything she was feeling, his gut said that she didn't seem to be disagreeing.
He wasn't sure how far her feelings extended, but her reaction certainly suggested that she had them... much like he's come to have.
Maybe this has been going on for some time, even when she got drunk and kicked him at that bar when Fiona had been around, and he'd just been a fool to think it was something so complex. Or maybe it had only happened recently, sort of like his own - or at least, that's his current perception - and is only just now expressing them.
Or perhaps he's completely off-base. Again.
Whatever the situation is, he'll get to the bottom of it.
"L- Loid..."
Letting out his breath, Loid felt his cheeks grow warm, if subconsciously. "My answer to those questions, Yor?" he 'asked', making her hitch. "...They're all no."
A little gasp.
"It's as I said. But I don't know if you feel the same way."
A long time passed in silence- even though he tried to wait, the way she stared at him was making it hard to focus. In fact, the almost-silence went on long enough that he started to worry, even despite his attempts to rationalize it all.
"...If this is too sudden, you don't have to give me an answer right now. And if I'm wrong, by all means, tell-"
He was cut off when Yor stood up, almost quicker than he could follow; he jolted, looking up.
She was breathing heavily, hands held to her chest, and there were tears in the corner of her eyes...
Yet she was smiling.
"I- I do, Loid" Yor whispered, almost shaking. "...Ah, I mean, I do feel the same way! I know it may have started as a convenience, something we could pretend to draw away prying eyes, but I really am so glad that you accepted me into your family. I've grown to care for Anya like she was my own, I've- I've gotten the chance to experience what it's like being a mother... I didn't know what any of that was like before we met. And now, I wouldn't want to give this up, no matter what happens!"
After a moment, Loid smiled to himself, relieved that he hadn't misjudged the situation.
So that's how it is then; good.
...
Yor had to briefly catch her breath, surprised, both in general and at herself; the answers had just flown out of her. When Loid had first brought up the subject, she'd immediately worried that he wanted to end things, and it caused her insides to tighten... and yet, when he went on to ask those questions and even say that he didn't want to, she'd been shocked!
A very good kind of shocked!
Before she could dwell on it though, Loid stood up- she made a sound, instinctively meeting his eyes.
He said nothing at first, just giving off a small smile... until:
"Then, if we're both agreeable, Yor" he breathed, gentle yet confident. "We no longer have to think of this marriage as pretend."
Her heart loudly went 'Ba-dum!', and all she could manage was a little gasp.
Raising a hand to his neck, Loid glanced away, keeping the small smile as he rubbed there. "It doesn't need to be any kind of instant change, of course" he noted with ease, and his words helped her. "We can take all the time we need to. And unless it's to maintain our cover, we don't have to do anything that we're unwilling to."
Yes, that's true - even so, hearing it made her feel reassured; Loid really is a good man.
Just as she'd thought long ago, he's the only one who might accept her as herself-
-and he has, in every way she could've asked for (and even some she didn't)!
Yor smiled, feeling a warmth build in her chest- it drove her to step forward, stopping just short of him. Loid moved slightly in response, but he did nothing to stop her arms from slowly rising... even when she rested them on his shoulders, he just looked at her, giving silent assurances all the while.
Slowly, delicately, she pressed herself against him in a hug.
Loid let her experience this feeling for a little, and then his arms lifted, firmly hugging her back.
...It was really nice.
"You should get some sleep soon, Yor."
"Oh, yes, I should. Thank you, Loid."
Not long afterward, Loid gently let go of her, and they shared a little look before she turned to go, only lingering at the door to glance back at him. After closing it and making her way across the darkened space, she finally got back to her own room... only then did she lean against the door, hands held to her chest.
"Our marriage is real now" she breathed to herself, in wonder.
Even if still partly a cover as he'd said, this was really...
Wait, if it's real, then- then eventually they might start to get more physically affectionate with each other? That's what many couples and married couples did, right? This means that Loid might start to pursue holding her hand, and k-kissing her even if it's not part of their cover, even if it might take time before then.
Ba-dum... ba-dum...
"Ah, wait" she thought, her cheeks turning pink. "It's not just those. We might also get... intimate!?"
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum!
Without any prompting, her mind suddenly launched into it; images of her and Loid just laying together in bed, holding each other close. Yet from there, their hands began to wander... at first it wasn't too bad, until they suddenly onto each other's intimate areas, though strangely pixelated even when they still had clothes on (not that she noticed).
Then clothes began flying-
-Yor nearly squeaked, and quickly shook her head to get rid of those images!
I-If she lets those get in her brain, she won't be able to go to sleep!
And um, the important thing is to keep focused on the immediate situation, including tomorrow's plans, rather than focus on what she's not ready for. She'll have time to process things, and gradually grow in experience on the way forward, yet also... i-if things ever did get to such a point, she knew that it'd only be after taking many other steps beforehand.
That's always important to remember, when it comes to the things she's still working on.
The next morning
Carefully stretching, Loid made his way into the living room.
Just from a glance, he saw that Yor was up and in the kitchen - with his decaf coffee being prepared - while at the moment Bond was coming out of Anya's room. Anya herself still seemed to be asleep, but knowing that it was almost 8 AM, it was about time for her to be getting up anyway.
Bond moved up toward him, rubbing against his leg affectionately.
Gaining a small smile, he patted the dog's head. "Morning, Bond" he greeted. "Anya should be up soon. Think you can wake her for me?"
"Borf!"
Just like that, the big guy earnestly turned around and moved back into Anya's room-
-and by then, he turned toward Yor.
"Morning, Yor" he greeted as usual, moving into the kitchen.
"Good morning, Loid" she breathed back, with a little smile. "It's my turn to make breakfast, right?"
"Yeah."
"But um" Yor continued, fidgeting a bit; he tilted his head. "I'm not sure what to make... and maybe Anya's getting tired of the same stuff from me too, so I want to make something new, but..."
Hmm, something new yet simple enough that Yor might not overthink the preparation-
-got it.
"Then, how about something like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? PBJ for short" he suggested, to her little jolt. "It's easy to make, so it should be simple to prepare."
Yor spent a moment being surprised, then got that earnest look of hers. "Really? Then, can you show me?" she asked, to which he simply nodded, immediately going to fetch what he needed - around that time, there was the sound of child-sized movement within Anya's room, so Bond's likely done his job.
"Sure. You only need bread, peanut butter, jelly, and a knife. The idea is that you gently smear peanut butter on one side of a slice of bread, then jelly on the side of the other bread, then gently put them together like so. The smearing might take a little practice to do consistently, but as long as you don't overdo the amount of force, it should be acceptable."
As he said all this, he was literally doing it on the counter, with Yor attentively watching every motion.
"You're right; that does look easy to prepare" she noted, excited.
"Yeah" he mused, smiling. "And afterward, you can then slice the sandwich into halves, quarters, or even leave them whole depending upon the person's tastes. Some people also prefer just peanut butter, while others prefer just jelly, but for now both will do. Also, I think Anya's sandwiches should be cut into quarters this first time."
"Mmm. How many should I make for you two?"
"For now, go with two for Anya, and give me three sliced in half down the top. This one I just made can go to whomever."
Yor nodded enthusiastically, and had already grabbed the knife from him before she stopped-
-as he had gently, un-intrusively put his arm around her back, hand resting on her shoulder.
After a moment, Yor looked at him, seeming to wonder- he kept himself committed to the course of action, and to not glance away too much.
"Forgive me if this is sudden" he breathed, much lower in volume. "But I am... curious about how you'll react if I offer any moments toward you. Uh, for different kinds of affection, I mean."
She almost literally jumped in place, so strong was her reaction- and more than that, she was suddenly a little red too.
"...I-I see" she whispered, fingers nervously fidgeting against her other hand (still holding the knife). "Well um, I should be fine... except when it comes to k-kissing..."
He turned toward her a bit. "You've never done so?" he asked, genuinely curious, but not judging.
"N-No. I- I'm not sure I could unless I was drunk either."
Huh... upon further reflection, that seemed to explain her behavior when her brother Yuri first visited? Even if it was simply for the sake of the mission, Yor had immediately downed a bottle of wine before even trying to play her part, though they hadn't quite gotten to do so.
If the lack of such might pose a problem (initially), perhaps having a glass on standby would be helpful- or alternatively, he could just be quick and surprise her?
Something to consider for a future conversation.
"...Well, there's no need to do that, Yor. I'm just asking" he assured, letting go of her shoulder. "For now, just make breakfast as planned."
As he moved away, Yor was a bit surprised- yet she briefly touched her shoulder, lingering over how he'd been so close, before jolting and quickly getting to work. As she did so, she looked over and saw a still-sleepy Anya yawn, even as Bond nudged her forward.
...
Slightly later
*munch* *munch*
Mmm, this is pretty good! But did papa or mama make it?
Anya glanced at her dad-
"To think I told Yor that our marriage is real now. I wonder how well she's made the adjustment overnight, if at all. She certainly seems okay now, but she's also never had her first kiss, and so that may present an initial difficulty. Kissing her quickly out of nowhere would be the fastest means, but I don't know how well she'll take it afterward. So perhaps I would have to have wine on hand when speaking of such, to offer to her as a choice... but not so much that she'll have a hangover the next morning. Just enough to loosen her up, I suppose. Hmm."
-she nearly gasped, even as papa's thoughts quickly sped forward like always; he idly munched on his sandwich looking at a newspaper.
Their marriage is real now!? Mama and Papa told each other that they like each other!? Yes, woohoo!
Just as quickly, Anya - about to break into a grin - froze.
Wait, does that mean mama and papa have kissed already, and she missed it!?
No, wait wait... papa just said mama's never kissed anyone before. So she hasn't missed it, right!? Phew!
Anya breathed out in relief, looking at her mom-
"This is really happening... Loid considers me as his actual wife, not just a pretend one. I- I was always going to do my best, but this is more than I could've asked for! It's almost overwhelming, but I have to do my best too, for his and Anya's sake. And um, I hope one day that she'll look forward to my cooking as well... I know I've still got a long way to go, and that sometimes it makes people faint, but I'll get there! I will be worthy of being a real wife!"
-she almost giggled, thinking mama's so silly.
I mean yeah, her cooking's bad a lot of the time and she could be scary, but she's still strong, nice, and works hard! Plus she's an assassin which is so cool, just like papa being a spy!
...
Yor certainly planned to become worthy, but for now, she'll have to keep at things.
And speaking of such, although perhaps she might've done them a little unevenly - even if it is her first time - she could easily see why these sandwiches were a good pick for breakfast! She smiled, not just enjoying the taste of her own, but also really glad to watch Loid and Any eating them too- oh, wait, Anya was looking between them right now.
Hmm?
"Papa, who made breakfast?" Anya asked then, smiling. "This is yummy!"
Yor hitched, almost breathless...
Currently drinking his coffee, Loid took a moment to lower it before answering. "It was Yor's turn" he said, with a small smile. "She made these for us."
Anya immediately looked at her, surprised, before she smiled bright. "Really!? Way to go, mama!" she cheered.
Yor had just barely gasped, pleasantly shocked before Anya got out of her chair, and then hugged her before she knew it! She barely noticed a slight shake as she looked at Anya, who was looking back at her with that bright smile - yet even so, it got her to smile just as brightly, gently hugging her close.
"Mmm, thank you so much, Anya. I did my best."
"Of course! I hope you make these again soon!"
"I-I'll try to, okay?"
As she said that, Yor glanced over at Loid, feeling so happy and warm - he said nothing, but the way he continued to regard them made her feel more confident as well. At that moment, Bond even nuzzled Loid's leg (to his slight surprise), panting a little and seeming to be interested in their affections.
Loid glanced sideways, before letting out a breath. "You haven't finished eating either, Bond" he mused, if almost playful as he rubbed the big dog's head. "Go on back to that. You too, Anya. Finish it all."
"Yeah, okay" she said, still with the bright smile.
Even though she agreed, Yor did feel a little sad that the hug hadn't lasted longer- she almost jolted when she realized this, amazed by the feeling. It lasted for a little, even as Anya helped herself to finishing her sandwich, her smile still bright even as Loid returned to his newspaper.
Yor almost felt tears come on, but she kept the bright smile - in fact, it lasted well past morning and even went on for most of the day.
She wasn't sure what twist of fate brought her to this wonderful family, but she was thankful for it with every fiber of her being.
And she will continue to do her best with them!
What can I say? I've recently gotten into SpyXFamily via the anime, and quickly became interested in this family, but I was in love after binging the manga online :P
So I thought I'd give shape to a "What-if" that formed in my head, not long after catching up with the latter. Hope you all enjoyed it!