Hello! Here is a CHONKY chapter for you today!

Warning: reference to when Robyn was attacked by those men. Again kept vague, but mentioned.

ROBYN POV

It had been a few days since I was released from the cells. Well, I say released, I mean that I agreed to leaving. It had been hard to take those steps beyond the bars, to know that they were suddenly all at risk from me again. But my mother's words kept me steady. Little Bird. She had handed me a key. Not a fix-all, no. Not an instant escape. But it helped. It gave me vital wriggle room against Vincent's leash. And now I could walk freely around HQ, I could do my duty, I could breathe the fresh air.

I could also wonder what the hell was wrong with Eren.

At first, when I'd seen him in the mess-hall that first morning, I had thought he was simply still being sheepish. But then it happened against on the second day. He practically ran in the other direction from me. So by the fourth day, when I was simply enjoying a stroll around the grounds to 'ease myself back into things' as Hanji put it, I'd had enough. Eren took one look at me and made to dash off.

"Oi!" I barked at him and he stalled, flinching as he looked over his shoulder at me. "The fuck's wrong with you? I understand that you got a telling off but don't go treating me like some–"

"No!" He held his hands up and shook his head. "It isn't that. I know I need to keep my distance, but n-no, I uh… Well you see…" He continued to look as spooked as a rabbit in a trap. My patience continued to thin, but I stopped a metre or so away and folded my arms, letting him stumble towards whatever words he was seeking. "It's good that you're out of the cells."

"Yes, so good that you're running away from me at every opportunity." I raised a brow. "Spit it out, Eren. What's going on?"

He groaned and hung his head. "It's gonna sound so weird. But it's not a creepy thing, okay? I didn't mean to do it, or have any control over–"

"Spit. It. Out." I sighed, taking a step back all the same.

He wrung his hands together. "Commander Hanji gave us all some details about what you thought you saw with your Mum, she was just talking over breakfast and letting those of us not there know what had happened and uh… I uh… I recognised the description."

"Excuse me?"

He winced. "The other day, when you were running those experiments, trying to break the hold… I smelt bread."

I looked him over, having no idea why he would lie about such a thing, but also having no way of understanding how he would have smelt the same thing as me. When I was in a dream. Recalling the comforting smell of my mother baking, of the golden moments when she would bring those perfectly baked loaves out of the oven, her butterfly stitched oven gloves always covered in flour.

My nose wrinkled. "The fuck are you saying?"

"I don't know! But I sm-smelt bread, and heard laughter. I… I didn't know what was happening. Me and Connie were cleaning out the stables, so I just said I needed some air and went to sit down outside and… I saw a kitchen. A kid… A baby or something, was sitting in a highchair. He was blond–"

"Stop."

"Robyn, I dunno–"

"Please just stop." I stepped back again as a dizziness spread over the front of my head, like someone had just dropped a cold bucket of water over me. "The hell does that even mean? How can you have seen that? Heard that? That…"

It felt like he had peeked behind the curtain, and somehow violated the warmth of that moment. It wasn't his fault. But neither was it mine that I was so uneasy about knowing he had almost spied in on the moment. My reunion with my mother. After so long. And Eren had seen it? I had no idea what to do with that information, how to even process it.

So instead I held onto protocol. "Did you tell the Commander?"

He blushed and looked to the side. "Doesn't sound great, does it? Considering my recent fuck ups… I wanted to talk to you about it first. But then whenever I saw you, I just chickened out. I'm sorry, Robyn. I'm so sorry."

"Why're you sor–"

"If I finally had a moment with my mum again? I wouldn't want someone spying on me." He scratched the back of his neck, our common ground suddenly so solid beneath my feet I couldn't help but start to shiver. "I have no idea how it happened, or what it means, but I'll… I'll go talk to the Commander about it right now. With uh… With your permission."

"Yes." I nodded, lips tight. "Go tell her, and yes you have my permission. Don't leave anything out. And uh… It's alright. Not the other thing, but this? You… I believe you didn't mean to."

His eyes shone. "You do? Oh good. Thank you. Thank you so much, really, I–"

"Go tell the Commander." I waved him off and turned away, wishing the sun wasn't so damn bright all of a sudden. The hell did this mean? A connection between me and Eren? How? Why? Was he affected by the phrasing? It hadn't manifested so far. In fact, if anything, he'd been able to command Titans on the field from what the others had said. Not be commanded.

My head was going to explode.

He left, and a cool breeze wafted against my skin. Just breathe. Breathe.

One victory in the bag and another headache on the horizon, if that wasn't the Scout way I don't know what was. And had this connection manifested before? But it had been things we hadn't noticed? Like me being injured, but Eren also being injured and so any shared pain was simply ignored. Maybe. Possible. Shit. What do I do?

"Hey, brat!" Levi called from across the compound, my eyes refusing to open again for a moment as the dizziness swept over a second time. This was a lot. When I didn't respond, tongue feeling heavy all of a sudden, Levi came over, eyes scanning the area. "You alright? Thought I saw Jaeger–"

"I'm good." I stepped forward and looped my arms round Levi's shoulders, holding tight and leaning my head against the crook of his neck. He was always so steady. How did he do that?

"Uh… Y'sure?"

"I think so." I sighed, glad to feel him holding me up as my mind wavered and my body argued with itself on feeling hot or cold, up or down, this or that. "Just… Just more weird being piled on top of weird."

"Uhuh. Fancy giving me more context?"

"Sure, just get me somewhere chilled with a nice hot cup of tea first?"

He didn't question, he just let me find my feet, turned, offered his arm and led the way. As much as I had common ground with Eren in terms of shitty fathers and Mother's to miss, with Levi I had trust. And we did. Entirely. I held onto his arm and he led the way back to his quarters. Perfect. I concentrated on my breathing, and as he poured the tea, I explained what Eren had told me. Safe to say, my Captain was as confused as myself.

He sat back, staring at the steam rising from our cups. "He smelt the bread…"

"It's bizarre."

"It's beyond bloody bizarre." He shook his head and pinched his nose. "Hanji will want to test this out. But I will not be allowing it to be a pain test."

"I'd appreciate that, but I'd hardly be volunteering for that version." I snorted and held my tea close. "It's obviously not something that happens all the time, we'd have noticed by now."

"How'd you figure?"

I sipped. "He's never mentioned feeling echoes of my captivity… treatment."

Oh gods. Those men holding me down. Making me– I quivered and focused on the warmth of my tea. It was fine. I was fine. Breathe. They were nowhere near me, I was safe. Levi was safe. We were home.

Levi nodded grimly, putting my sudden quietness down to simple discomfort more than anything I think. I had to tell him. This was madness. We had already been versions of intimate, the temptation too great even with the threat of the Underground around us. If we went the whole shebang, there was no telling what I might relive, what he might relive. I had to tell him. But how the hell did I bring it up? Especially now, with this new confusion from Eren, and this connection we supposedly had. Shit. No, take the plunge, just do it. This isn't some nervous kid in front of you, it's Levi for fuck's sake. Your Levi. Humanity's Strongest, sure. But also your Captain. The man who despite everything, all your ridiculousness and maddening ways, got down on one knee and asked to be with you for the rest of your lives. That ring is still there, those promises remain. Say it!

"Levi."

"Robyn?" He quirked a brow, having still been in his own thoughts. "What is it? Something else about Jaeger?"

"No, no, but I need to t–"

BANG.

Levi's door whacked off the wall and there stood a bright-eyed Hanji, grinning from ear to ear, practically fizzing with excitement. "You have to show me this connection! Right now!"

"Hanji, we don't know wha–"

"Exactly!" She squealed, rushing in, clasping my hands, nearly sending tea spilling over us both. "We don't know a damned thing about it, but think of how this could help on the field! A connection between you and Eren? A quick 'hey look out ahead!' and so many squads could be saved! And that's just off the top of my head."

Levi groaned. "The damn brat said he smelt bread, not that he could fuckin' communicate with her, Glasses. Calm down."

"No, but the possibility!"

"Fucking hells…" Levi set down his tea. "Fine. Explore it, whatever, but don't go turning them into lab rats immediately."

Hanji pouted. "But why?"

"Because, and I can't believe I'm the one reminding you, I guess take that as an indication of how little I want you once again prodding Robyn like a damn Titan carcass, but you said you were issuing a night off for the regiment. A morale boost while we continue to not head for the ocean."

Hanji's pout lingered for a moment and then she sighed. "Very well… But can I at least get a detailed account of your dream, Robyn?"

She looked at me with that big brown eye of hopefulness, a whimper brewing in her throat. I had to speak with Levi, but there was little chance of getting rid of Hanji from that point on. It would be fine. I could still get the chance.

Levi cleared his throat. "Please shut her up with the same information you already gave her."

I snorted. "Yes, sir. I uh, I guess I'll see you at the celebrations?"

He raised his tea. "Sure thing, and if I don't see you, I'll come rescue you from her demented claws."

"Appreciated!" I squeaked as I was dragged from the room, teacup still in hand, by our wayward Commander. After this I was definitely going to need a drink.

The night wore on and my eyes itched from a need for sleep. I'd been talking with Hanji for hours, but finally we'd come to the end of it. Levi had checked on me, but by then I was in no real mood to socialise, I just wanted the information out of my head and onto her papers. So we carried on, and now the hours were small and my yawns were big. But so was the temptation. Walking along the quiet corridors, knowing I was headed to an empty bed, it only made me think of the best way to make it UN-empty. To go find Levi. To pull him close and stumble up those stairs, clasping at his uniform, peeling back each layer until– no. I chose my empty bed. No. Stop being a horny teenager and think for a moment. Not only is it a boundary for him, one he has made very clear to you. It is a boundary for me. There's no telling what it might unlock, what it might make me revisit. And Keza was right. Unless she was wrong. Levi reliving it wasn't necessarily a done deal – for all their supposed brilliantness, the White Cloaks had failed. Levi had not killed me. We had beaten them. So it wasn't 100% certain they would have managed to drill that horribleness into his mind.

After all, it was only the once, right?

My body ached with the idea that it might not be, but once was bad enough. It wasn't like I needed more times in order to justify my own pain. I had been tormented. Violated.

The cold stone was pleasant when I paused at the top of the stairs to press my head there.

You are safe.

You are home.

As I continued towards my own bunk, the echoes of what was remaining of the gathering in the mess hall burbled in my wake. I smiled. My family was healing, taking the time to enjoy themselves, to decompress. Looking ahead. Yes, there were horrors in the past, and yes I still had plenty to be healing from, but that was just it, I was here to heal. Able to do so. That was a huge victory in itself. I stretched until my back gave a series of cracks.

Footsteps sounded behind me. Hardly strange but they make me shudder nonetheless. I maintained my pace, but as theirs picked up, I tensed. The hell was this? I waited until they'd caught up, wondering why the heck they hadn't spoken if trying to catch me up. They would know who I was. The Scouts had always been tightly knit, and now even more so. Unless they're new. Or they're not meant to be here. As they reached a step away, I whirled round and pinned them to the wall.

Oh shit.

My cheeks burned as I saw a very confused, and a bit miffed Levi.

Whoops.

"Shit, Levi!" I jumped back, but as he began to chuckle, my concern dipped.

"Should have known I couldn't sneak up on you." He smirked, a little tipsy evidently. Normally he wasn't so open out here in the… well the open. He pulled me closer and pecked my cheek. "Come with me."

And I did.

There was no room for argument. And no want, really. Him holding my hand, such a simple thing and yet I'd missed it horribly. So warm. Strong. Sure. His hair shifted with his stride, the moonlight catching along, before being drowned out by a torchlight. Hang on, we turned another corner, and the penny clanged to the bottom of the well. Oh. We were heading to his quarters. What used to be our quarters. With our bed. My heart thundered. A very non-empty bed.

Shit. What do I do?

Keza's words rung in my head like a damned church bell. But as he looked back with that smirk the idea seemed nothing but cruel. He was happy again, he was content. How could I destroy that?

Seemed my expression betrayed me. He slowed to a stop. "Robyn?" He turned, studying me closer.

"Sorry I just…" the words refuse.

He squeezed my hand gently. "We don't have to. I just thought…" he frowned and clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes at his inability to ever say what he meant.

He released my hand, the warmth already fading. He was about to retreat a few steps when I grabbed his wrist. I shook my head. The words continued to be tricky, but I couldn't let him shut me out. Not now. We were so close to that final step. Should I just take it?

His eyes tightened. "Then what's that face for? Are you all right?"

"Sorry."

"I don't need an apology, Robyn, I need to understand."

"You're right. I just…" I recalled how guilty he had looked after Keza's party, and an idea struck me. Was he pushing himself for my benefit? "Please don't feel like you have to do this. I can wait Levi, I can—"

"Robyn, I miss you." He stepped in close, eyes calm but stern. In those tones of grey I saw it, the warmth of his affection, and the gently simmering want. Subtle but present. Had it always been there? How blind had we both been for so long, and then went and nearly lost each other completely.

He caressed the back of my neck, pulling me close, kissing me gently. And logic said bye-bye. Despite having considered fighting this and seeking more time, the touch of those lips confirmed what I already suspected. I couldn't fight it any longer. I missed him as well, so much it ached deep in my bones. And I couldn't hurt him, not when I had the possibility of saving him from it entirely. Foolish? Probably. Hopeful? Endlessly.

I let him lead me onwards.

"I'm done letting the nightmares win, Brat."

He opened the door, letting me in first. And as I turned to him after he closed the door, I could see clearly that his nightmare was ringing in his ears. Despite his composure, that was clear as day. Just please let my own nightmare remain unseen. He didn't lock the door. At first I was confused but then he gave me a stern look.

"If something happens and you scream, they need to get inside to stop me."

"Levi… screaming is part of the—"

"Please don't joke right now." He went to his bedside table and produced a small blade. Even from a metre away I could see how sharp it was. Hell no. I glared and shrank back, shaking my head. But when he didn't argue, instead just looking at me with pleading eyes, I faltered in my retreat. He swallowed hard. "Hide this. Then if the worst happens, you can—"

"There's no way I—"

"Hide it somewhere you can grab it, if I don't know where it is then I can't use it if I do end up triggering something. But by hiding it, you can use it if—"

"Levi, you just said not to joke." I muttered unable to look away from that damn shimmering edge. Mocking me. It knew, just like I did, that I'd never be able to actually use it against him. Did Levi seriously think any different? But he just sighed and flipped it in his hand, holding the handle towards me. I didn't move.

He stepped closer.

I stepped back. "I'm not fucking stabbing you!"

"It might be enough to bring me to my senses," he said, and the calmness of his voice did nothing to help. If anything it made me want to fling the knife out the window. If that was his condition for this happening, I'd rather leave. But then again that wouldn't help anyone in the long run. When I still didn't take it, he groaned and stepped closer again. "It doesn't have to be lethal Robyn, but enough to save your life that's all."

A humourless laugh rushed free. "Oh just a cheeky stab to the arm, or maybe a wee slit along the leg. Yeah harmless. Why not just hand me a 3DM gear blade instead? Make it really spicy!"

"You really want to risk it?" His anger brewed. The handle shook in his grip. "You want to let me kill you and then have me, once again, drown in my own guilt?"

"I…" The screams from when he had his nightmare echoed in my mind.

"Please, Robyn."

I swallowed hard and knew there was no way I could deny him. Not when he was being so open about it all. He was trusting me with that truth. Alright.

So I took the knife, looking at it and grimacing. "All right… Go to the bathroom and wait till I say the coast is clear."

"Thank you." He kissed my cheek and did as told.

I stared at the blade. If not to protect myself, maybe I could persuade myself to use it for him. To save him from that guilt. A stab to the arm. If I got it right, it might not even take him out of commission for any missions. Maybe. Or I could get it wrong and he bled out in my arms in a matter of moments. I wavered and sucked in a breath. Just hide it. I swallowed hard, and hid it in the space between the headboard and bedframe, I'd easily be able to get at it should I need to. If only to stop him torturing himself to death with guilt.

"All right. It's done." I called, standing away from the spot, no indication of what I'd done with the blade when he appeared from the bathroom. He looked around as if he expected to find it glinting on the countertop. I put my hands on my hips. "Seriously? I did it, it's hidden somewhere I can get to it, all right? I promise."

He calmed, smiling softly. "Thanks."

"I cannot honestly say you're welcome."

He nodded, then he strode over and kissed me. And the rest fell away. Movements so slow, so gentle, it was perfect. I'd thought I'd have to ask him to be careful, making some kind of excuse about it having been a while. But no. His hands ran down my sides and lingered on my hips, thumbs rubbing small circles into my bones. Like he was coaxing a dying fire, my nerves flickered. I wrapped my arms round his neck, a hand tangling in his silken black locks. Safe. Loving. Levi. His breathing quickened. He pulled me closer, kissing down my neck. His lips, so familiar and yet foreign. My head hung back as he lingered against my pulse point, nibbling as his thumbs pressed harder. My hands slipped back to his chest and I started undoing his shirt, caressing the skin revealed with each undone button. He sighed at the touch and slowly I was pushed back towards the bed.

"Sorry it's so slow…" he breathed as his hands slid my jacket off and started to work on my shirt.

I shook my head as I freed his shirt from his beltline. "Don't be sorry. It's fine. Perfect even. I'm just glad to be here with you. Being whatever you need, Levi. I missed this so much…"

"I just need you." He spoke gently, but no longer whispering.

He stopped kissing and leaned back to meet my gaze full on, and I blushed under such an intense gaze. He was still undoing my shirt, but his eyes scanned my face, like he was drinking in the details all over again. I'd never felt more self-conscious in my life, or more loved. The carefulness worked for my own problems, but I couldn't help but be a little saddened by his reserved nature – clearly his nightmare continued to haunt him. He was scared. I was meant to make him feel all that was good in the world. I had to up my game. Maybe that was key to this. Stop being so in my own head, about my own fears, focus on him. I took the knife to ease his worries. I could be with him like this, to ease his fears. Nevermind anything else. Perhaps not the most healthy of solutions, but hell if it didn't embolden me in the moment.

"Then take me…" I breathed, pressing my lips to his, his movements becoming more insistent.

Together we could beat the shadows. Together we would burn them away.

My hands fisted into his shirt and tugged it off, desperate to have his warmth closer. I wanted him to chase it away, chase away this god damned fear. Make me feel like I used to, free. He pulled my shirt off, before wrapping those powerful arms around my waist, kissing me again, hungry. I moaned, hitching a leg onto his hip, body acting on instinct.

My mind reeled. I should be freaking out, reliving horrors and running away. But no, I don't, and the idea itself seems odd as I feel him caress my skin. I'm safe, I'm with Levi.

He cradled me towards the bed, not breaking the kiss except to whisper my name. Like he's worshipping me, praying to me. Shit. He was too much. But this was exactly where I wanted to be, and exactly where I needed to be. His lips travelled down my throat, my chest, and my stomach. Everything on fire, but I loved the burn.

It's nothing like then. Nothing but love existed in this space, smothering all other thoughts and fears. My eyes grew warm as I realised I could be this intimate with him, I didn't need to let the nightmares win either. My god. I could live again.

"Robyn?" He breathed, cupping my face as a few of my tears escaped.

I smiled and shuffled back on the bed, he watched, and when my smile broadened he shuffled out of his trousers, crawling over to capture my lips again.

"What is it?" He hummed, kissing under my jaw.

I laid back, running my hands all over him, that warmth igniting my nerves after so long. "I'm happy Levi, everything's fine."

"Good."

I sighed as I caressed along his cheekbone, but then his hand ghosted against my core. I swallowed hard, shuddering. "It's just been a while you know?" I tried to laugh it off, but I'm already trembling.

No, no, no!

Shit, this was going so well.

He smiled, apparently convinced as he kissed me, and my trembling subsided. It was fine, no need to panic. It's Levi, the man I love, my Captain, my fucking saving grace in the madness that was my life. I wanted to be with him. Want. Consent. Hell there's an edge of 'need' as well, but in the most wanton sense.

"I'll stop being paranoid." He chuckled, kissing me hard and caressing me lovingly.

The anxiety melted as he made my nerves sing, the pleasure washing over me like it had done so many times before with his skilled hand. He knew just how to bring me there. Coaxing me. Caressing me. Adoring me. Pleasure burned everything else away. I arched into the touch, my body seeming to fill with light as that expert touch curled against me. More. Now. We became a blur of wanton caresses and writhing movement. We tumbled together and soon enough I was lost to the sensation. His hand moved away. Yes. More. He filled me. Yes! This was what I'd ached for. What my nerves had craved. I cried out his name.

It was only him and only me. No space for nightmares, for cruel memories, for the painful past. Just us. Just now.

"Levi…" I breathed as I clung, legs wrapped around him as he held me tight, kissing at my throat. Like nothing had changed. I laughed a little. Finally some luck. Just let it continue, please, don't remember Levi. Spare yourself that? Beat the bastards at their own game. Maybe one day I'd explain it all, when the scars had faded and the bruises were nothing but lost memories. But for now, let us just enjoy this. Together.

He groaned against my shoulder as I tensed with my moment drawing nearer.

So close.

"I love you…" he panted before kissing me hungrily, possessively. Like he was claiming me all over again, branding my heart anew. His hips slammed into mine, that powerful body of his thrilling every inch of me. I moaned into his mouth as I fell over the edge, with him close behind.

It seemed our flame had endured.

As he rode out our moments, he whispered those three words as he kissed across my chest, along my shoulder and up my throat till he's lingering under my ear.

"I always will." He confessed and a thrill rushed through me as he lay beside me, panting softly.

"Good thing." I turned to him, a sheen of sweat over him as he laid there with a faint smile in place. He looked lost to joy and it was a beautiful sight. I shuffled closer and kissed him tenderly. He sighed and wound an arm around me. "I love you too. Welcome home."

"Mm, you're stuck with me now." He laid back, pulling me to his chest. "Sorry it took so long."

"I can exercise patience sometimes."

"Since when?" He laughed in a croak and I just watched his eyes crease with the laughter, and listened to that alien noise. It was a melody I'd never tire of. But as he stopped and looked to me with a smirk, and raised brow, I bit his nipple for his cheekiness. He yelped, and growled as he returned fire by biting my neck.

We laughed.

We tussled.

We lay there just existing.

It was so normal, and as the shadows sulked away from the room, I lay my forehead to his and breathed in the freedom. "Fuck the nightmares."

"Give me a minute?" He groaned tiredly.

I rolled my eyes. "You're such a prick."

Another chuckle sounded in his chest as I laid there once more, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. It was home, it was peace, and it was bliss. Sleep crept into the room, taking us both. The last thing I knew to the waking world was a blanket being pulled over us, and him gently kissing my cheek.

The knife remained hidden. Forgotten.

Dreams swirled through my mind, off far into the past, and the more recent trials of the past six months. But in a simple blur of colour and noise. I concentrated on his warmth next to me. I was safe. This was where I belonged.

My mind meandered towards consciousness. I must have properly drifted off. But he had moved. I rolled towards him, seeking that warmth again. But the pillow was vacant. I mumbled, hand skimming for him. Where was he? I rubbed my eyes. He was sat up, staring ahead.

"Levi?" I croaked, voice rough with sleep.

No response.

Then he shivered.

I sat up and pulled the extra blanket around his shoulders. Still he didn't respond. I checked, but the room was empty. Nothing was amiss. Was he having another nightmare?

"Levi, are you awake?"

His jaw tightened.

I adjusted the blanket. "What is it? You're—"

"What the hell did I let them do…?" he barely whispered, lips hardly moving at all, but the shock ripped through me all the same.

I recoiled. Was he still asleep? Was he remembering? Shit. I swallowed hard and shuffled forward, studying his face. But still no response. He just stared ahead, slight frown in place, like he was struggling to comprehend what his mind was trying to remember. Or perhaps trying to forget. He took a long breath, and it rattled through him. His hands bunched into the blankets.

"What did I let them do?" His voice cracked as he gritted his teeth. When his eyes shone I knew he was seeing it. The filthy cell, those men around me, my body pinned, the torn shirt mottled by my blood. He saw it all.

I pulled the blankets closer to myself. Shame clutched my heart and radiated throughout my veins. What would he think of me? Would he want to know my side? Of course. It was Levi. But of course now I have a heap of guilt as I considered what Keza had said. Had I just ladled on more guilt for Levi? I didn't know what to do. Silence continued. I scraped my hair back, trying to find words. But my mouth was dry. Vacant. Empty.

He finally turned to me, expression not changing except for a slight raising of his brows. It seemed like he was having trouble believing this.

"Is it real? Or is it some sick trick of theirs?" He asked between his teeth, hands gripping the blankets tighter till the material creaked.

How do I… Stop overthinking it.

I put my hands either side of his face and ran my thumbs against his cheekbones, wondering for that moment whether or not I should go with that line. Perhaps I could convince him it was all a lie, to protect him with blissful ignorance. But the moment quickly passed. I couldn't. It would only make things worse if he ever discovered the truth. No. I had to tell him. I had to confide in him. To trust him to be able to handle this. He might waver, or struggle, but he was still Levi. He would pull through. And at the end of the day, it was my trauma as well. Right now I had to help him through it, but I also needed his help, and that was okay. He wanted to help. I knew that. I trusted that.

I found my nerve and drew a long breath. "Levi, I…"

Damn, it was like someone had strapped my tongue down. My eyes grew warm as he watched me, probably already knowing the answer from this reaction. But still, clearly he needed to hear it out loud. From me. I could do this.

I swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry… I… I tried to sto—"

"For the sake of my sanity, do not blame yourself." He begged and my first tear fell as I retracted my hands, shame building more under those desperate grey eyes. He took my hands and held firm. "So it's real…?"

I nodded, looking away, unable to remain under that gaze without breaking. It was so foolish. I'd run this conversation through my mind so many times, why was I struggling to articulate anything? Speak! "I'd… I'd hoped you wouldn't remember… I hoped—"

"What good would that have achieved?" He snapped and as I flinched away he stopped, drew a long breath and let it out slow. "Sorry. I'm… I'm not… it's not you… damn it." He got up and paced, shrugging on his robe, raking his hands through his hair. Clearly he was grasping for something. Understanding. Comprehension. Sanity. Something. So I let him work through it – yes, this was my pain, and yes he had just been a bystander to the action itself. But he was still hurt by it. That had been their design. So I'd help him, dammit. However I could. If I could. "I thought it was some shitty dream again. Something I'd made up. But… But they…"

It sounded like he was going to be sick.

I wanted to go to him, to pull him back to the bed, to bring this back to that wonderful warmth we'd been sharing. But that wasn't possible now, was it? That was gone. Now we had reality. Or rather, we had the past. Whenever he looked over, my eyes darted elsewhere. The floor. The door. My hands. Anywhere but meeting his gaze. What did he even see over here now? Robyn, the soldier? The victim? The woman he loved? The plaything held down by those men?

My lips were trembling as I sucked in a breath. My body ached all over, burning in the spots I had been held, where I had been hurt. But right now, I had to know what he had seen. I couldn't know the extent of it. And I wanted to – not to hide things, but to understand. "What did you see?"

He pursed his lips tightly. "Why?"

"Please?" I whispered and he winced, a shiver running through him before he continued pacing. Disgust? No. Stop that. He doesn't think like that.

"It was dark. But light… Light was coming through bars. Must have been cell bars, I guess. You… I saw you on the ground, on your own initially. Your shirt was all torn up. Blood was everywhere. You were being questioned I think." His voice wavered. "And you were snarling back at that bitch, the one with the glasses. Valerie was her name, right? R-Right. Anyway, you were saying things to her, being every bit of you still. I… I dunno how much I was still aware of things but… It gave me a weird thrill of hope to hear you still so defiant…" He shook his head. "That sounds so sick now–"

"No it doesn't." I breathed. "It really doesn't."

"A-Alright." He swallowed and continued, his expression becoming haunted. "Then she sent them in. Three of them. I was dragged to the bars, gagged and pinned. She… That horrible bitch held my head soI couldn't look away…" His pacing slowed and he looked at me and despite how much I wanted to look away, to hide from that wounded look, I couldn't. Unable to look away. "You were so quiet, gritting your teeth so hard. They… Th-They had blood on them."

"What did?" I choked out.

He winced. "Your teeth. They'd been beating you beforehand, I suppose?"

I hesitated but nodded.

He shivered. "Then you spoke. You snarled at them some more, threatened them… And then they… they…" He looked down at his hands, likely remembering the bite of the rust as he gripped the bars. "They attacked you. Those bastards. And you were so still, you just stared up at the ceiling, barely flinching or anything. Until… U-Until you started crying." His hands shook.

My tears fell thick and fast.

He came towards the bed. "And still you fought back. F-Fuck you were amazing. The second you got the chance you tore into that shithead. You must have clawed right into an artery. And… And they ran. And you… You laughed. B-Before you cried again, harder, like… I'd never heard you sob like that before. I never want to again." He knelt on the bed, moving so slowly, like he was afraid of spooking me. It was only then I noticed how much I'd curled into myself, leaning away from him. "And I… I failed you entirely. I didn't do a damned thing. I just laid there, drugged and useless. And I watched." He looked down, shame radiating from him as he took my hands in his and clasped them, not tightly, cradling them like broken birds. He kissed the back of them. Then put his forehead against them. "You heard me s-struggling, I think. You looked over to me, hair across your bruised face, e-eyes so dulled by it all… And I just rattled those bars uselessly. Pointlessly."

"Levi no, you–"

"I just stared." He choked again, shaking his head, his hair tickling my hands. "And that's what I keep hearing in my head… Even now…"

"What?"

He shuddered. "That bitch… She said… You see Levi? This is what you let us do to her. Remember." He sobbed, choked as her words replayed for me too. "You let us do it didn't you? Hm? You were too weak to save her."

She would pay. For my pain. For Levi's. For any others she had tormented in her time, and I could only guess the list was horrifically long.

He sucked in a breath. "And she's right. I was. I am. Weak."

I gritted my teeth; pain aside, this had been her goal. Let him free, try to kill me and take down the Scouts. Failing that, even if we did manage to free them from their hold, hide this little bastard of information. Sneak it away. And now? Now that Levi and I had dared to claw back a little intimacy, a little normalcy, a new leash was revealed. One of shame. Of despair and forced weakness – me reduced to that sobbing puddle of blood on the floor, and him, made to watch helplessly from the sidelines. But fuck that. Fuck her plans, her leashes, her schemes. Fuck this. My pain, laid out like a wretched map, and his, marking the spot. But that was just it, our pain. Ours. Not hers to command.

My heart was hammering so loud as I put my head against his. "Do you remember what I said?"

"I… I don't know…"

"C'mon." I sniffed, moving to hold his hands tightly, my cheeks burning as my rage simmered in my chest. "Think. This wasn't some dream, it was a memory. So keep pushing. After I saw you, a-after those bastards had run away with their tails between their legs, and that bitch had whispered her shit in your ear, what did I do? What did I say when I saw you there, s-struggling even then, after all the shit they'd been telling you. After all the drugs they'd shoved into your veins. What did I say, Levi?"

"You…" He gulped and finally raised his head, looking at me with eyes so lost I was glad I had his hands in mine, or I'd have thought he would disappear. "You smiled."

"I did."

"You said…" But the shame bit it back, his nose wrinkling and his eyes dipping again.

I squeezed his hands till he looked at me. "Say it. What did I say?"

"You said, 'I love you, Levi.'" He quoted, expression splintering into agony after his own name. "How the hell did you… When I'd… After they'd…"

"You're fucking right I said I love you." I practically growled it, voice raw with my bit back sobbing, heart and head burning alike with the rage of that horrific moment. "Because I did. Because I do. And no amount of their disgusting actions could change that. They can't take that from me." And then I took note of my hands in his and felt a coldness pierce the otherwise scalding heat. He liked things to be clean. I wasn't– Shit. No! Stop that. Stop it. I'm clean. I'm fine. Right? D-Damn. My lips wobbled and my hands trembled. "So now that you know. N-Now that it's real a-and out there… Can they take you from me?"

"What?" He searched my eyes for something, his cheeks stained by his own fallen tears, fresh ones trickling even now. "How could they… No. No, Robyn you can't think–"

"Of course I can." I laughed bitterly, closing my eyes tight. "I can think a thousand horrible things in a minute flat."

"Robyn…" He retracted his hands and reached, probably wanting to cup my face again, or smooth my hair. But I flinched. My body reeling, nerves sparking all over. He paused. He nodded and lowered his hand. "Can I hold you?"

I nodded, more silly tears escaping.

He shook his head and pulled me closer, cradling me against his chest, shuffling back to lean against the headboard, swathing us in the blankets. I listened to his heartbeat as it slowly calmed. Maybe mine would follow suit.

The tenderness wasn't what I had expected, and really I didn't know why. This was Levi. He was still adapting to the world after being freed from control, so sure he was sometimes acting erratically, but I shouldn't expect him to fly off the handle with each problem we faced. I curled into him and gladly accepted his hold, he was so steady.

"They're not taking me from you with this, no." He murmured against my hair. "Whatever vile things that head of yours is telling you, get it to shut up for a second alright?"

"I c-can try."

"Good. Please listen. This… This isn't your fault. You're not to blame. And it isn't something that… I dunno… Taints you, or something like that. You're clean, Robyn. You're still you. Even more so, for having been so astonishing. And even without that, even if you hadn't managed that strike against them, you've survived since. And that… It's incredible. I always knew you were strong, but this… This is on a whole new level. I'm horrified for you, but I'm amazed by you."

And then there was no holding it back. I turned into his chest, clasping at his robe, sobbing openly. It poured out of me. My whole body shuddered with it, convulsing in his hold. He was so warm. So steady. And he held me so lovingly, rocking slightly, kissing my hair. He murmured such sweet things, such warm things, such kind things. To me. Me. But of course he did. Levi loved me.

Keza had helped. Of course she had – my Keza would always know how to bring me back from my shadows. But Levi had been my unanswered fear. How would it affect him? Us? And here he was, holding me, praising me, understanding me. Maybe he had experience thanks to the horrid men that used his mother. Maybe someone had hurt Isabel at some point. Maybe, he was just a damned good man and I was lucky to have him home. Whatever. For the first time since that day, left in a pool of my own blood, my heart beat a little easier.

Once my tears had stopped, eventually, my breathing evened out. And even then, he simply held me. We must have been like that for a long time. But it didn't matter, he just stayed there, cradling me close.

Eventually though, he shifted so I would look into his eyes. I did. Thankfully they looked a little less haunted now. Pinked, still, yes. But not so lost. He was making his way back.

He leaned in and gently touched the end of his nose to mine. "You should have told me, Robyn." He spoke without anger, but was stern.

I nodded and shivered, making him pull more blanket over me. "I'm sorry."

"Appreciated. But I have to ask. Why didn't you tell me?" He again searched my eyes for something. "Did I make you think I couldn't handle it? Did you think I'd blame you, really?"

"No…" I shook my head. "No, I was afraid of that y-yeah but… the same way you're afraid of things under the bed as a kid. No, I… I kept hesitating because I just wanted to save you some pain."

"And do what to yourself? I mean, how did you…" He looked down at me and his jaw clenched. "We could have waited longer, I could have been more careful. Robyn, god dammit…" He kissed my hair, lingering. "We're meant to be doing this together."

"Okay, Levi."

"Did I…" He swallowed. "Did I hurt you?"

I shook my head. "You chased away the shadows like always. You always end up saving me."

"Not always." He said and I flinched at the guilt in his voice. He looked down at me, and as soon as I found the courage to meet that gaze, I regretted doing so. It was as if it were happening right in front of him. Seeing that pain ghost across his face just made my shadows loom. This was going to take some time. But we would get through.

Together.

I shifted to sit up in his lap, and ran my hands through his hair. He shivered. I cupped his face again, kissing gently. At first he didn't react. I could feel him still staring, trying to find some way of fixing it. But that wasn't possible. I'd already accepted that. It would be a ghost in my past along with everything else. But what was important was that I was here with him now, and I knew we'd get through. Hell, it was just another fucking Titan to take down. I had plenty blades left.

"Don't leave me." I breathed, leaning back to meet his confused eyes. "Don't get lost in some big marsh of guilt. I'm here, with you, right now. Not back then. Not with those animals. Here. You and me. Now."

I smiled as more tears rolled down my face. He caught them with gentle touches.

I sniffed. "I'm not with you to have you magically fix everything, or always swoop in."

"Yes, but—"

"No." I waited until his mouth closed and then closed my eyes, finding my words. "You couldn't have done anything, Levi, and you shouldn't have had to. This wasn't you, or me. It was them. And… And we'll get them. We'll make them pay. But don't let them win by letting that fucking memory do what they wanted. I… I should have warned you. I tried to say it so many bloody times, but I chickened out."

He looked to the side for a moment and sighed. "I knew there was something… I should have–"

"It wasn't your responsibility. I wasn't ready to say it, or I didn't think I was. Or… Something. Again, not on you. Now c'mon… Don't let the bastards beat us."

When I opened my eyes I found him staring, only this time he didn't have pain in his eyes, it was something else entirely. He looked amazed.

"Astonishing."

I couldn't help the breathless laugh.

He put a hand to my cheek. "When the hell did you get so wise?"

I kissed him again. "Probably around the same time I had to try and face this fucker of a world without you, and whilst I'm glad to have got some damn perspective… I never want to do it again. So throw that guilt away, please? Get a little slice of revenge with me by doing that?" I laid my forehead to his and we stared into each other for a long while before he kissed the end of my nose and wrapped the blanket round both of us. He moved to kiss along my throat and I sighed, our chests pressed together and our hearts beating in time. "Is that a yes, Captain?"

"You got it, brat."

I smiled, running my hands through his silken locks. How long would it be until we got to drive our blades into those bastards? The list was getting rather long; the Sword-toothed Titan, the woman with that cold voice, those three beasts who held me down, the Marleans that had killed the Scouts. We'd make them all pay, but we'd do it together. We'd burn them all in our flames.

"I love you, Levi." I whispered as he kissed back towards my lips where he lingered.

He smirked and kissed over my heart, before looking up at me again and smiling properly. "I love you, Robyn. Thank you for not giving up on this old bastard."

"Thanks for not giving up on this weird headcase."

"Never. Together, right?"

"Together."

Aaand there we have it, Levi knows what happened, it's all in the open and now... they can move forwards! Hope you enjoyed, see you next time.

SHOUTOUTS:

Makennaparsonage19: HI there! Firstly, thank you so so much for taking the time to chime in with a review, really that's just made my week if not my month. Folks are so quiet on here lately. So thanks! Secondly, thank you so much for the kind words themselves, glad you're enjoying my portrayals of them. And yeah... this scene was always going to be tricky to get into but I'm really pleased with how it played out, I hope you enjoyed (right word?) reading it! Thanks again for chiming in and I'll see you next time!