Chapter 5 The Attack
I had been training two months with the Jedi when the attack began. Master Vaar had sent me out with a group of initiates and their teacher to a meadow about 20 minutes away from the academy by speeder, where a particular flower was blooming. We had instructions to gather the seeds using the force, lifting them from the pod within the blossom without brushing the petals, which were coated with an oily substance that would render the seeds dormant for a substantial period. It was tiny, delicate, fiddly work with the Force, something that came easily for me. I loved it.
The Jedi in charge of our group was a senior padawan in her early 20s. I was easily 5 cycles older than the oldest of the other students, being almost 18, but they'd been training to become Jedi for much longer than I was. They were all getting close to puberty, but in their childish innocence they seemed very young to me, because the only children I'd known before were slaves, and you grew up quickly when your life depended upon being useful. While the other students were developing dexterity with telekinesis, my task was to touch the light side of the Force, retrieve the seed, and then release my grasp on the Force completely, so that I could practice reaching for the Force and having the Light answer my call. These initiates were patient with the amount of time that it took me to reach for the light side of the Force and genuinely proud of me each time I succeeded.
I was taking a break to rest and avoid becoming frustrated, something that Master Vaar had made clear was very important to my training, when I spotted a hint of movement in the trees surrounding us. I was instantly alert, because I had been warned that there were manka cats in this region that sometimes grew over a meter tall, and while I was pretty sure that they wouldn't attack us in such a large group, the only one of us who was actually armed was the senior padawan. I stood up from where I had settled in the grass and made my way over to her, where she crouched helping an initiate.
"Padawan Sudime, there's something in the trees," I said, noticing how the meadow seemed very quiet around us all of a sudden. There weren't any bird sounds, and even the large, hand-sized bugs had stopped rubbing their wings together. "I saw it move."
"What was it?" she asked.
"I'm not sure," I said. "But I think it was big. I caught it out of the corner of my eye."
"Thank you for telling me," she said. "If you see it again, let me know." It irritated me that she didn't seem to take my warning seriously, but I tried to let the negative emotion go, knowing how much more challenging it would be to reach the light side later if I allowed my resentment to fester. I settled back down in my spot in the waist-high grasses, watching the trees and bushes by the edge of the meadow.
I wasn't sure where the first blaster shot came from, but I spotted the source of the second, and the third, and then it didn't matter because a group of ugly, reddish creatures with offset eyes and wide mouths full of sharp, protruding teeth were streaming out of the trees, rifles aimed, firing directly upon us. They weren't great shots, but they were adequate, and one of the initiates was struck before the padawan managed to draw her lightsaber and begin to deflect the bolts. Not all of the attackers had blasters; some of them held vibroblades, while still others held heavy roughly-crafted maces and even a couple spears. The padawan did her best, but another shot got through her guard, narrowly missing her and striking the dirt as the children screamed and ran from where they'd been working to hide behind her.
I could see everything from my position behind and to the side. The attackers were mostly concentrating on the padawan, but they were already trying to surround her and us. She was surprised and afraid, on the defensive, not overwhelmed yet, but as I watched, she failed to block another shot and this one struck her in the shoulder. She cried out and fell backwards, already twisting to try to regain her feet, but I could already tell how this was going to go.
She was going to die. We were all going to die, unless somebody did something. I was afraid. I reached for the Force.
It was like no time had passed.
It was like I'd never been away.
The dark side answered my call, filling me with the cold, biting wind of the dark side and ripping up to swirl around me in a euphoric haze of anger. How dare these creatures attack me? How dare they attack children, jedi, people who had never harmed them? How dare they look at me and think me weak prey? Force Lightning sprang from my hands, engulfing the attacker nearest to me and arcing to the next closest predator, dancing around their eyes and causing them to drop their weapons.
Their attention turned to me now, but I was ready for them, raising a force barrier around myself to protect from blaster fire. I fed my rage with hatred, enough to summon a storm of lightning that crashed around them, crackling as it electrocuted them and making them roar in pain and fear. It was a gloriously satisfying cacophony. One monster burst from the trees, sprinting for me with his vibroblade raised. I casually shot him with a blast of lightning, forcing me to release the storm around the others, who were in no position to press their attack. The monster rolled to his feet and charged again, and I held my lightning this time, sending more and more at him until I felt him die through the Force, which was whipping around me in a fury. I killed another one, and then another, and though the attackers were crawling back into the trees in a panic, I didn't care. Only once the survivors had disappeared did some of my rage abate and I managed to control myself enough to think of the jedi I was with.
They weren't in good shape. The boy who'd been shot first lay sobbing, as his friends hovered helplessly around him, arguing about what to do. They gave me a clear berth as I pushed over to his side and pulled his scorched tunic out of the way to reveal the deep pockmark that the blaster had burned into his abdomen. Not a very powerful shot, probably not life-threatening, unless it was left untreated for a while, but certainly debilitating. I doubted this pampered child had ever experienced such pain in his entire life.
The child fainted when I used the force to accelerate his body's healing, and I didn't blame him. I knew how painful it would be, but he wouldn't be in a state to travel otherwise. The other kids panicked again, but I didn't care because I had bigger problems. The senior padawan had gotten to her feet and stood with her lightsaber drawn and off to the side. She was afraid of me. It made me furious. It was her job to protect us! If I hadn't done what I did, we'd have all been killed. I was on her side! How dare she look at me like I was the threat! It was her failure, her weakness, that had caused this mess.
"Do you have a comlink?" I snarled.
"What?"
"Do. You. Have. A. Comlink?" I repeated. The padawan awkwardly dug around at her belt, not wanting to take her eyes off me.
"For kriff's sake," I said, raising my hands in mock surrender. "We don't have time for this!" She let her saber deactivate and painfully tried to search faster.
"It must've fallen," she said finally.
"Great," I said. "Just what we need!" I stomped over to where she had been standing, but the grass was waist-high, and I quickly realized that if we searched, it would be purely luck if we found it.
"How are we gonna call for help?" asked a humanoid initiate anxiously.
"We're not," I said abruptly. I stomped over to the corpses I'd left and began scooping up the blasters and the vibroblades. "We've gotta hurry. They could come back." I began handing them out to the oldest, most calm initiates. I didn't bother retaining a weapon for myself. A basic club was more than enough for me. My time with the Jedi had not improved my swordsmanship. The injured child was regaining consciousness, which was just as well. Having to carry him would've made us much slower.
"Padawan Sudime, can you use that arm?" She shook her head. "Can you at least heal yourself?" I asked, gesturing at her shoulder with my chin. No response. "What good are you then?" I said insultingly. She scowled at me, but she couldn't really argue after what had happened.
"Brace yourself then," I said. I gripped the Dark Side of the force and pushed it towards her shoulder, down into the charred line where the blaster had burned away her tunic and melted away muscle and skin. She gritted her teeth and didn't make a sound as the wound knitted together, leaving a large red welt, which raised my opinion of her slightly. She had tears in her eyes as she rotated the arm, testing its mobility, but to her credit, didn't let them fall.
"Let's get back to the temple," said the Senior Padawan. "I'll lead the way if you will watch our backs?" I felt gratified that she acknowledged my power.
"Let's go," I agreed.
It took us hours to walk back to the temple. We were forced to go slower than I wanted because of the injured boy and because we didn't want to stumble upon another group of hostile monsters. We hurried quietly through the trees, trying to keep under cover and avoid detection. Padawan Sudime was doing something within the Light Side of the Force to sense where the monsters were, so we managed to avoid being seen until we got very close to the Temple.
"I can sense a large group of them around this hill," said the Jedi. It was late afternoon, almost evening, and we were tired and hot and hungry. "I think we can go around without detection, but we'll need to be extra careful since there's no cover while crossing the river."
"Whatever you say," I agreed. We got to the edge of the forest, and far in the distance I could see the tall holocommunications tower that topped the Jedi temple. The monsters had set up a large camp on the other side of the river. We could vaguely see forms moving among rudimentary shelters, and I could smell smoke strongly.
"There's another camp just up the river," reported Padawan Sudime. "We could try to go around, but I'm not sure there's another ford for several miles and they're probably guarding the bridges. We're going to need to wait until it gets darker and then try to cross without them spotting us."
"We can do that," one of the initiates said. Over the course of our journey my fear had transformed from a panicked hot thing to a deep, gutwrenching terror and hatred, and the pulse of the Dark Side of the Force under my skin made me irritable and aggressive. More than once I'd had to bite my tongue when the Jedi had made decisions for us. She hadn't earned the right to lead us, I had, but since she knew the terrain better than I, I let her take command, bristling silently each time she spoke.
After hiding in a clump of trees until night was solidly upon us, we filed quietly out into the moonlight, crawling across the open rocky ground until we reached the ford. The river dropped over a small rocky outcropping nearby, so the sound of the crashing water covered the noises we were making and helped prevent anyone from being backlit, but we were still cautious. The river was broad and shallow enough that at its deepest point, thankfully only up to my knees. It was the deepest I'd ever been in the water, and I was intimately aware that if I fell into something deeper, or if the current carried me away, I would probably drown.
Padawan Sudime led us to the nearest clump of trees, and we huddled there for a moment, dripping and cold, as she tried to sense the safest path through to the temple. We were uncomfortably close to the monster's camp, but they didn't seem to be watching for intruders. The Jedi's eyes snapped open, and she looked directly at me.
"How well can you see in the dark?" she whispered uncomfortably.
"Clearly," I replied.
"Come with me," she whispered. "I want to check something."
Leaving the others hiding behind us, we crept quietly through the trees until it became necessary to crouch down and crawl behind some bushes to the very edge of the forest. The night was dark, but my Cathar eyes could easily make out the monster's camp. Dozens of them sat crouched around big firepits, and I could see that there were large cuts of meat roasting on the flames. Uxibeast, I guessed.
"What is that there, in the center?" asked the Padawan so quietly that even though her mouth was a hand's breadth away from my ears, I could barely make out her words. I squinted past the light of the fires, trying to make out what the tangle of shadows was. It appeared to be some sort of rough shelter, but even by my standards, it looked like it wouldn't provide any protection from wind or rain. A couple of monsters stood up, blocking the fire from my view and allowing my eyes to adjust properly, and my fur stood on end as my blood ran cold. I hissed quietly, and Padawan Sudime pulled me back, shushing me silently. We crawled away from the camp.
"What was it?" she asked urgently, once we were back within the shelter of the trees.
"Padawans," I said. "There are cages with padawans in them." She closed her eyes, but didn't seem surprised by my words. I guess she'd sensed them or something.
"We've gotta do something," I snarled, my hands shaking with fury. The more I thought about it, the madder I got.
"We will," she said. "We're going to get to the temple and the Masters will go out. They must not know what's going on, and we have to tell them. There is at least one more camp, and I can sense the same kind of thing going on there. We have to warn them!"
"We can't just leave those monsters alive," I argued, but she cut me off.
"We can't take them all together," she said. "Let's get the initiates back to safety first and get reinforcements," she said. That wasn't an agreement, I noticed, but that wasn't a denial, either.
I was probably less cautious than I should have been, but I was just itching for a chance to kill another monster as we hurried through the forest. I led the way, since I could see clearly. It only took us about 40 minutes until we reached the edge of the Jedi Temple Compound. The lights were on, flooding the area with bright white light, and knights and security droids were stationed at regular intervals around the perimeter. We were rushed inside to the medics. Master Vaar met us in the entryway.
"Are you hurt?" he asked, his eyes scanning me carefully.
"Oh, they didn't touch me," I snarled. He stiffened, coming closer to me. I was uncomfortably aware of my grasp on the Dark Side of the Force. "Not for lack of trying through."
"Did you have to defend yourself?" he asked.
"And the others," I said. "Padawan Sudime tried, but she got shot and the monsters would've killed us all or worse, so I took care of them."
"You killed them."
"Yes, I did!" I said defiantly. "And I wish I'd killed more of them. Did you know, there's camps of them along the river? They've got cages full of padawans in them. Who knows what they're going to do with them." My speech was slurring as my fangs grew, I was that angry. As a former slave, I knew what sort of horrors might be coming for those padawans, and the thought that my attackers might've intended that for me made me seethe with rage.
"We knew that padawans were missing," he said. "I'll alert the council that a rescue must be made. We'll ensure that a team goes out immediately now that we know where they are."
"I want to go with them," I said.
"Why?" he asked quietly.
"Someone has to do it," I said. "Why not me? I'm more than capable of killing monsters."
"Because we would not be going out to kill the flesh raiders," he explained. "We would be going to rescue the padawans. There's a difference. Tell me, when you drew on the force, which side answered your call?" He already knew of course.
"But I had to protect us!" I protested. "If I hadn't used the Dark Side, they would've killed us all!"
"Hmm. Protect, eh? When you attacked the flesh raiders who were threatening you, were you thinking of protecting the other initiates, of defending yourself, or were you thinking of hurting and killing those who threatened you? When you killed them, was it out of fear for your own safety, or was it out of a desire for revenge?" I didn't directly answer, but I didn't need to. I could tell he already knew. It made me angry and ashamed all at once.
"The Dark Side saved us!" I argued again.
"We are Jedi," said Master Vaar earnestly. "Hatred leads us to a dark, selfish path. There is a better way, Mayet. You've made such marvelous progress since you came to us, and I am so very proud of you. I am sorry that you were put in a position where you drew upon the Dark Side. I do not wish that for you, which is why I will not let you go out tonight or tomorrow. But I promise you, I will personally ensure that the padawans are rescued tonight." I felt a nudge of the light side of the force against my soul as he reached out to me. "You're safe now. Let go of your desire for revenge. The flesh raiders will not go unpunished."
"You'll just forgive them," I said bitterly. "They don't deserve to be forgiven."
"Forgiveness isn't always deserved," he replied gently, and I was abruptly reminded of what I'd done, who I'd been, only a couple of months before. "Forgiveness most benefits the one giving it." I took a moment, but finally I let go of my grasp on the Dark Side and took a deep breath, trying to release the hatred and anger I was feeling. As it eased, I realized that beneath it lay the vast fears I'd had since the meadow. I had been so afraid of death, of failure. That had only compounded when I realized that capture, not death, could've been my fate. In a moment of weakness, I cried.
"It's alright, Mayet," said Master Vaar, putting his arm around me. He wasn't a large man, but I was small enough that I only went up to his shoulder. In his embrace, the force was warm and steady and helped soothe my hitching breathing. "It's going to be alright."