Thank you for all the reviews, I'm really excited for this story so if you like it could you please support me! Thank you!
Monica's POV
So it's now Friday. I spent the first and second day of my newly awarded holiday cleaning out my apartment, getting rid of anything neither me or Rachel really need, then thoroughly scrubbing everything from the bedside tables to the toothbrush holder in my bathroom.
Though I'm considered a clean or neat freak by my friends, I can't exactly remember the last time I cleaned, apart from the dishes every day numerous times and the vacuuming every now and then.
I suppose lately I've had more important things to stress about like work and getting my life under control in general.
By Wednesday Rachel was sick of the cleaning and my quiet behaviour so we spent our day shopping, I can't say i didn't put the day into use. I ended up purchasing a couple of dresses and jumpers, but I still kept quiet.
Yesterday I babysat my nephew for Ross because he got called into work last minute. It was fun if I'm honest, it's weird how kids can make you forget about all your worries and they make you realise what matters in life.
That brings me to today, right now it's 2:35pm, I have a doctors appointment at 3pm and then Rachel is dragging me out tonight for a drink. Sometimes it's best to get it over and done with, then it'll be at least another month before she does it again. Grabbing my boots I pull them on over my thick socks, I'm no good with the cold weather and it's only September by the time December comes around I'm like a standing icicle.
Sipping the cold remnants of coffee out of my mug, I rinse it out with hot water and leave it in the sink, making sure my phones in my back pocket and I have my purse and wallet I leave my apartment, locking it behind me. Skipping down the steps two at a time I wrap my coat tighter around my body, prepared for the icy air to bite away at me. With the doctors office being around 15 minutes away, I choose to walk, catching a cab at this time isn't always a fast enough option and I prefer not to take the bus. People seem to come to the assumption that I never even attempted to get a drivers licence, not that it's their concern, but I did pass my test, I've just never been able to afford a car.
I arrive at the doctors office 5 minutes before my appointment, just how I like it.
Dr Pierce calls out my name, tearing me from a fashion magazine I picked up, following him to his room I tug my coat away from my arms. So this is just a routine check-up, I stopped having these at around 25 but with this last year, my friends forced me to go to the doctors and I'm made to come here every other month.
"So Monica how have you been?" He asks, I'm prepared for the questions, they are always the same. I nod "I've been good, I got awarded 2 weeks off work to show appreciation for what I do so I'm taking the time to get myself back on track" gasping when the cold metal of his stethoscope hits the bare right side of my chest, just as my body comes to terms with it, the instrument is moved away. Buttoning my shirt back up I stand getting ready for the next thing.
Weighing.
I pull off my boots, and all my jewellery, the dreaded pair of scales in the corner come into view as I inch my way closer, my heart begins to pound harder and harder against my chest, beads of sweat popping up across my forehead. "Monica, you're okay. No is going to judge you remember it's just me" Dr Pierce says, his hand on my shoulder, I slowly nod his words nothing to me in all honestly.
It's not true, someone is going to judge me and that's me.
Lifting one foot onto the plate, I hesitate, then goes the other foot. Clenching my eyes shut I wait, wait and wait a little bit longer until it feels like I've been there forever and the devil I'm standing on bleeps at me.
Not even taking a glance at the number I turn and preoccupy myself with my footwear and getting ready to leave.
The doctor finishes typing away the results then swivels to face me, "Okay Monica, so it's better than last time. You are just into the Average weight sector, I know it's not easy but I promise you it will get better and you will get better." Nodding blindly I force another smile.
"That's great, Thank you" And with that I leave, I know full well Rachel will be home when I get there, she knows how bad I can be after the doctors so she makes sure she is always there for me.
Just like any other time, my traipse home is a blur of bodies, buildings and passing traffic, my eyes stay averted to the pavement, I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to throw up. Yet I want to smile, I want to cry happy tears, I want to have a happy life again, when will I get that?
"Monica!" Rachel snaps her fingers close to my ear, I jump and turn to her. "What?" I question as if nothing was wrong.
She only frowns knowing full well something is wrong.
"What happened?"
Shifting on my seat by the kitchen table, I clutch my mug a little bit tighter, "Well my weight is just into the sector for average" I mutter, suddenly the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of me is not appetising, nothing is.
"Honey that's great! See it will get better Mon. It's just going to take time. Your weight and body is perfect, don't be thinking anything different okay?" She knows what I'm thinking before I do, That'swhy she's my bestfriend.
Nodding I smile and lean against her shoulder drained mentally and physically. Her arms hug my shoulders, "Do you want to start getting ready for tonight?" She whispers, more than likely hoping to distract me.
3 hours later I hand over my silver necklace to Rachel, it's got an old turquoise blue diamond in the middle, something my dad handed down as a kid to me, I've always loved it. The diamond is the most beautiful colour, but the chain itself is only thin and it's worn so I need to get that sorted at some point.
"You look gorgeous honey" Rachel reassures me running her fingers through some of the tighter curls of my hair so they loosen to a wave.
"So do you Rach" I grin, both of us standing I pull down my dress slightly, grabbing my thin jacket from my closet along with my little black clutch bag.
Stopping by the mirror I find myself not able to stop staring, a hand comes up and finds my stomach then my hips. I find myself hating the reflection looking back at me, the way is shaped, they way it looks, I just hate it. I hate me.
My dress is a deep pink, Rachel's wearing a similar dress but in black, a colour I believe suits her really well.
Since the doctors everything's ran smoothly, Ross and Phoebe popped over for coffee, I spoke to them briefly before being shooed off into my bedroom for my makeup.
Today seems to have flown by it seems like only an hour ago I was leaving for the doctors now it's 7pm and we are just about ready to leave.
My heels click along the hard stone floor, soon drowned out by loud booming music and chatters of many many people. Somewhere through the drone I hear an announcement for karaoke. Dodging dancers here and there, I find a seat at the bar for me and Rachel, she only has to walk through the door and gets men swarming around her like moths to light.
I don't go out very often, when I have it's mainly been for family events, I know how to handle myself, it's just not me. To be in a loud place with so much going on.
One of the bar attenders strolls over, smiling, ready to pour out whatever I request.
"Could I have a Scotch on the rocks with a twist and A vodka and coke please?" I pretty much yell over the new singer who chose so wrongly to sing Amy Whinehouse.
Handing over 10 dollars I move Rachel's drink to my side and take a sip from mine. The first swig always seems to set my throat alight, after that it's a breeze, washing away all my worries for the night.
Rachel winks over at me,snorting into my drink I chuckle and shake my head.
"You raised me uuuup!" I sing along, Rachel and I have out arms around each other's necks swaying in our seats. I've only had 2 drinks, it's all it takes for me to let myself loosen up a bit, there's no way on earth I'm absolutely not in control of anything, unlike Rachel.
Her eyes at half mast, she managed to pull herself to her feet, banging against my shoulder for a second until she gropes her way along the wall. Everything within me falls quiet and distant once again.
"How's the holiday been?" A voice asks, I know that voice, I'm sure. Spinning around I find Mr Bing leant over the bar in front of me, a towel over his shoulder, a lop-sided smile creeping away at him.
"It's been good" I nod turning back to watch Rachel, she's found a dude suitable to make out with for 5 minutes.
A hand touches mine softly, I tense and flinch away from my boss, "You don't wanna be here do you?" He guesses, his answer more than 1000% correct. Without another word I shake my head, his fingers creep under mine and tug me to face him. "Come with me" He says, I don't know much about this man, apart from that he's Mr Hotshot and as far as work goes, he has been really kind to me and Rach, but he doesn't look as though he's planning to through my in the boot of his car or leave me in a ditch.
Rachel slumps next to me giggling at absolutely nothing, "What about her?" I ask, thinking she was completely oblivious.
"You go Mon, have fun" She slurs, winking again, I rest my hand on her shoulder. "Be careful" I warn, like I would to a child, she nods happily, flapping her arm around to attempt at shooing me away.
Mr Bing is still patiently waiting for me, in fact he's still got my fingers in his hand, I down the last of my drink, moving away from my seat. Concentrating on my feet I get to the other side of the bar, my hand is set free, when I'm eventually in front of my boss, I glance up, he smiles and leads me to a door down a corridor behind the bar. I'm let into a small room with two squishy sofa's and a dying out fire with the curtains drawn.
Mr Bing closes the door behind us, manoeuvring behind a curtain opposite me and retrieving cups, coffee granules, sugar and a kettle, milk is underneath a table beside him in a mini fridge.
"The same as at work? He asks gesturing to my cup, silently I nod, a short smile threatening my lips at how he remember specifically what I drink.
I pull off my jacket and lay it over the top of an armchair to my left, clasping my bag by my side I stride over to the couch. My body sinks down and all my muscles relax, it has to be the comfiest thing I've ever sat on, Mr Bing brings over both cups leaving them on the table, taking a seat opposite me.