Breathing deeply through my nose, I grip the side of the sink and haul myself to my feet, I reach back and flush the toilet relieved that my stomach has finally settled from it's routine morning torture. I give it a couple more seconds to make sure it's really over before I load up my toothbrush and scrub away at my teeth hoping the toothpaste won't be the next thing that sets me off today.
Leaving the bathroom, I'm greeted by Rachel with a cup of coffee ready for me, just I as I reach out to take it my stomach convulses and I turn away abruptly.
"I'm sorry Rach... the smell." I croak apologetically. That's another day without caffeine, ever since the first day of this sickness I haven't managed to have anything close to coffee, it's been 4 weeks since I first threw up and maybe 2 and a half week since I spoke to Mr Bing. Why that is so significant to my mind I don't know for sure.
She frowns but nods anyways, "Monica I don't think this is a sickness bug, it's been nearly 4 weeks now, you throw up all through the day. You are repulsed by the things you normally can't live without." I shrug, perplexed by what else it could be. "Are you pregnant?"
Oh my god, I didn't even think of that. In my mind there is no possibility of it. There's a complete look of innocence behind the question, backing up the fact that she has no clue I slept with Mr Bing.
"N-no how could you- why would you even think that?" I stutter feeling my body begin to shake, why, I don't know. Rachel smiles softly setting down the mugs on the coffee table, she moves back to me and takes my hands in hers. I feel my body start to relax as much as it will for today anyways.
"I'm sorry honey. I just don't know what else it could be, I know unless there's something you're keeping from me, the last person you were with was Him. So if you were and it was His I would be able to tell by now" she glances down at my flat stomach and sighs, her arms wrap around me and hug me tight.
"I'll ask the doctor today, I promise. I'm not pregnant, I can't be" surely I can't be pregnant, I mean we used protection. Didn't we?! Oh my god... I can't remember!
Just the thought of not remembering what was used that night makes my heart beat out of my chest, everything tenses and I step back from Rachel.
She must notice how tense my body has become, because she rests both her hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eye, "You will do great today. You will be perfectly fine. Just remember we're all here for you" She thinks it has something to do with the doctors. I won't deny, part of my mood today is to do with today's agenda, however my little realisation has made me feel so out of control I can't bare it.
"I know, I'm going to get ready." Glancing down at my watch, i breathe shakily, "I have to be there in an hour" with that I turn and hurry into my room.
Tears burn my eyes and my hands shake violently as I brush my hair and try to fathom something out of it. I quickly cover up as much of the dark circles under my eyes I have been sporting recently that I can along with the freckles dotting my cheeks. Pulling on my boots I hurry out the apartment door and hail a cab.
The ride there goes by in seconds, merely a blur of colour. Handing the driver the fare and climbing out of the cab seemed like an awakening, everything seemed to come back to me, almost as if I just came back to my own body.
The excruciating wait to be called, dragged out into eternity, my entire body trembling with fear and anxiety and pain.
"Monica Geller!" Dr Pierce tears me out of my reverie, I smile politely and follow him in silence, this place could bring me no comfort now matter how kind and caring my doctors were.
"So how are you?" He asks kindly as I sit and he closes the office door.
Clearing my throat I try to find my voice, "Umm, I'm okay. But for the last 3 and a half nearly 4 weeks I have been throwing up everyday and I can't seem to eat anything that I used to find appetising. It's so weird and so I know I'll have fallen behind again." As much as I'd rather just ignore it, I think now is the best time to bring it up so he knows. As much as I hate this whole situation and the idea that I have to actually put weight on, I hear the pain and miserable tone in my own voice echoing the disappointment I feel, the thought of having to fight against my own wishes for longer than needed terrorises me.
The stethoscope touches my skin and I jump a little in shock, Dr Pierce nods understandingly, "That's okay Monica, you can't help being sick. You know you can get back to where you were before." He moves the instrument around in places he never really has done before, listening internal it seems, as if there is something out of the ordinary waltzing around my insides.
"Is everything okay?" I ask, dread trickling through this my bloodstream for no apparent reason. He nods but continues to listen closely, eventually he moves away and awaits me by the scales.
Taking huge deep breaths I clench my fists and step onto the plates of torture. I stare at the wall for eternity as Dr Pierce notes down my weight for this month.
"Right..." he takes another glance at the scales to double check his result before taking my hand and leading me back to the office chair. "Monica, you've gained a lot more than what you ever have before. Not just by a few pounds either. I wouldn't mention this if it fit in well with your results and it is an ongoing increase, however for your check ups, this is unordinary. It makes even less sense when you say you have been vomiting for the past few weeks, I would've expected weight loss." Something about the way he speaks or just his body language warns me, telling me I should brace myself for what he may be suggesting.
The low buzzing of the computers and equipment dotted about the room fills the silence between us as I stare at my clenched fists in my lap.
"What does this mean?" I whisper, barely loud enough for me to hear, yet he sighs and sets my forms on the desk before him.
"Could there be any chance you could potentially be pregnant? Basically has anything happened that could cause you to get pregnant between your last visit and now?"
Tears sting my eyes and I shake my head vigorously, "No no, please don't tell me I am." Reaching across the desk Dr Pierce takes a hold of my hands squeezing them reassuringly.
"Monica, has anything happened?" My head reels and I've lost all coherent thoughts, apart from a voice within me screaming out in terror.
"I-i...yes... it happened maybe 4 weeks ago. The day after was the first day I threw up, but that could've just been from the alcohol, that night I happened to be very drunk." I raise my head slowly, suddenly distant from everything around me and I shake with sobs. Dr Pierce nods understandingly and types something into his computer.
"Okay, by the sounds of things, it's possible you are pregnant. I am just going to get you to take a test to be sure. If you are we can discuss options, maybe you'd like to consult with the father first..." I nod along hearing occasional words, "test" "options" "the father". My heart sinks and tears pour down my cheeks as I imagine Mr Bing sat at his office, most likely wondering what he did wrong on that phone call, worrying about my health. And I'm here possibly carrying his child, fully avoiding any acknowledgement with the guy. Dr Pierce returns 10 minutes later with a test and I am lead down to the nearest bathroom. I try as best that I can to actually pee on the stick; proven very difficult when your hands won't stop shaking. Sniffling I tuck my hair behind my ear and take a deep breath heading back to the doctors office.
"Okay we will have to wait five or six minutes for the results to show. In the mean time would you want to discuss options about pregnancy if it happens to be positive?" Despite my constant sobbing and shaking my doctor is being absurdly understandable.
My head shoots up, "what do you mean options?" If he means what I think he does, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't whether I could actually cope with a baby or not.
"Well if you're not ready for a pregnancy and you're completely sure about that, you could consider an abortion, I am only telling you this because there is only a small frame of time that this option is possible to you. Also, you could go for the adoption route?" He waits for the information to sink in and I just sit for a few minutes attempting to regulate my breathing.
"No." My head shakes side to side, slowly at first but as I get more and more certain with my answer it becomes more of a vigorous shake. "I couldn't do any of those things to a baby. If I am pregnant, I will learn to cope. At least I want to try to cope" Glancing around the room I begin to notice many different pregnancy and baby leaflets and advertisements. At that moment it begins to sink in, I could actually be pregnant.
"That is absolutely fine Monica, you have time to really think about it when we get the results. I'm not saying you are pregnant, it is just to rule anything out." He tells me calmly as my breath catches in my throat and I think I'm about to cry again.
"O-okay" I whisper, staring at the test placed in front of my doctor.
AN: Please tell me what you think of this chapter. I haven't written a long chapter like thi sin a while and in some places it seems a little rushed, mainly because I didn't want the chapter to drag on. I promise I will be writing more and more, this story has become something I am actually getting passionate about. However, I am in my last year of school and with it being the new year it means I only have 5/6 months until my exams, my birthday, prom and my holiday. Whilst I will continue to write I just don't want you guys to be so expectant on a routinely update as I have a lot of studying to do and honestly not a lot of time. Aside that, I REALLY appreciate your guys' support for this story and I am so glad, so many of you are enjoying it. Thank you so much! I love you all... Cloe x