I stare at my computer screen and yet I see no words, it's all a black and white scribbled blur. My mind has taken off somewhere else ever since that phone call. Am I really that bad? Could someone seriously despise the thought of being with me enough to react like that?
The thought turns my stomach, not in disgust, more like the way it does when you're in school as a kid and that group of "populars" choose you to be there next target. Your stomach falls to your feet in a snap.
Movement in the office stirs me from my screen, I take a quick glance mostly expecting it to be someone asking to sign off a file. I'm wrong.
Perfect, soft brunette hair, bright blue eyes, a smile that could light up the darkest of rooms, and a heart that deserves the world. It's her.
Almost timidly she makes her way down the aisle and to her credit looks as if she could give two shits about the people who stare at her as she passes. Her eyes are fixed somewhere in my direction, I immediately run my fingers through my hair hoping I look presentable. Clearing my throat I try to focus back on my screen, acting oblivious.
I just can't.
My heart pounds against my ribcage threatening to burst out at any moment. With every second I try to take deep breaths, hoping it calms my nerves somehow.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her hand reach out and knock gently against my door. I roll a few centimetres away from my desk in my chair calling, "Come in."
The handle tilts and the door creaks open slowly, Monica's face comes into view and my heart triples, rampaging around my chest.
"Umm- hi..." she mumbles quietly, taking a few steps into my office before closing my door behind her. "I just wanted to talk-"
Her whole body tenses, and she begins to take deep breaths through her nose, he eyes closing. Her hands go to her stomach and in a split second, she darts into the office bathroom on her left.
It takes me a few seconds to catch on before I leap out of my chair, streaking after her as if my life depends on it. I frown at the sight of her crouched Ice-T the toilet pushing against the walls to keep her upright. I watch the colour drain from her face with every passing second, leaving her pale and shaky.
Reaching out tentatively, I move her hair from either side of her face, holding it at her neck, my thumb grazing her shoulder in comfort. Tears slip down her cheeks from the corner of her eyes and I feel so helpless.
Eventually, her body relaxes and she slumps back slightly, her back against my shins.
Shaking her head, she sighs for a second, "I'm so sorry" she whispers, her voice croaky from the recent surprise attack. "Can you just give me a second?" I see her reach into her purse pulling out a toothbrush and paste.
I hold out my hand and help her to her feet, she smiles ever so slightly and I nod, leaving her to get cleaned up.
I stare at the closed door somehow watching her scrub her teeth and wipe her face as if there is no barrier between us. "Sir, could you sign me this file please?" twisting around, I nearly jump five foot in the air, Ashleigh stands there innocently, holding out a document.
I hurry over to her and take the file, tossing it onto my desk absentmindedly, "Y-yeah, I'll sort it... can you just get back to work please? I will bring you the file once it's sorted."
My body shake with nerves, if she sees Monica it'll start something again, and after what I've just seen I don't think Monica's up for that.
Still Ashleigh stands there, looking at me expectantly, glancing at the closed door every so often, "Did I hear someone being sick in here?"
For the love of god! What is it with these people! "Ashleigh! I said get back to work!" I don't mean to yell but she is being so god damn annoying right now.
I just want to speak to the woman behind that door.
Ashleigh growls in frustration and turns on her heels leaving me alone in my office once more.
Mere seconds later, Monica emerges from the toilet, quickly stuffing her essentials back into her purse.
I lean against my desk and grin, I have no reason for it but I can't hold it back, she looks up meeting my eyes, but says nothing.
Her hair is left natural to bracket her face, and that's when I notice, her cheeks seem to be slightly more puffed out than usual, however she is nothing less than beautiful.
Breaking the awkward silence, I clear my throat, "Monica... are you okay?" I ask tentatively, keeping an eye out for any change in facial features, but she just sighs, staring at her feet.
I reach out, gently lifting her chin to look at me, she takes a couple of steps closer, sitting in a chair to my right.
"I'm fine. I have something I need to tell you" she goes quiet for a few moments, her eyes locking with mine and my heart flutters. "But first, I want to say I'm sorry. That phone call... well I reacted like a psycho." She chuckles, a glint of happiness in her eye, "I guess I was just a little shocked and I don't really know. I couldn't remember telling you anything.. that... night." I go to speak and tell her it's okay, however she quickly continues, holding her hands up. "But I promise, you did nothing wrong. That night was...it was... amazing"
Relief warms my body and I breathe out smiling. I wait a few moments, mentally stringing an understandable sentence together. "Im sorry... I should've probably approached it in a better way. Maybe a phone call wasn't the best way to bring it all up. I suppose I didn't know how you would react seeing me again"
Monica shakes her head, "I really appreciate you checking up on me. I was just in a bad place. I don't blame you for not knowing how I would react honestly, even I wouldn't be able to tell you."
Taking a seat beside her I nod, this has got to be one of the best conversations we have had, she seems to have found something to keep her going.
"So...there was something you wanted to tell me?"
Glancing away she nods breathing deeply, "Yes, there was. I don't really know how I should say this, but you need to know." Her hands begin to ball into fists twisting around each other, I reach out and take them in mine, the tension drains from her body and she looks back to me. "Chandler, I- I'm pregnant."
The office drops silent. Her face becomes blurred, my mind hazy, the only thing keeping me in reality is the soft stroking of her thumb over the top of my hand.
She's pregnant. Monica is pregnant. I try to make sense of it all when it dawns on me. She wouldn't be telling me unless. Unless that baby is mine. I'm going to be a father. I...have a child with...Monica.
I try to get something out, suddenly my throat is too dry.
Blinking a few times, my eyes allow Monica's face to become clear again, she is worrying her bottom lip, her eyes glazed over with tears.
In that moment I am totally immobilised, unable to move a muscle.
A tear trickles from the corner of her eye forcing me to reach forward and wrap my arms around her shoulders as her body shakes with sobs. She leans further into me, balling my shirt in her fists.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" she sniffles and even through the fog of confusion, I'm left perplexed. I pull back to look at her and I see that scared woman from so many nights ago, right back in front of me.
"Monica why are you sorry, you've done nothing wrong." I say softly, wiping her tears with the pads of my thumbs, she leans her cheek into my palm.
"Because I-"
Shaking my head I pull her body back into mine, "Because nothing. We are both adults, we both had a part in this. You have done nothing wrong." I sigh, fighting back my own tears. "I won't lie to you I am shocked, but I will be here for you every step of the way."
I feel her nod her head into my shoulder, her arms reaching around my waist, "I just wish I told you sooner" I let go of her so she can continue to explain, keeping a hold of her hand. "The day after it happened I got sick, but honestly that could've had something to do with the amount of alcohol I had. However, it carried on through the two weeks we had off work, that's why I haven't been back since, again I'm sorry for that too." I frown, shaking my head, dismissing the lack of attendance.
"I went to the doctor for my weigh in 2 weeks ago, I told him I kept throwing up and couldn't eat a lot, but I put on a lot more weight than normal. It was strange because I had been sick a lot and so I couldn't understand why I was putting so much weight on. Anyways the doctor asked me if I could be pregnant, obviously I said something had happened. Thinking back to that night I can't even remember whether we used protection. Anyways, the test came back positive. I was only just over a month pregnant, it's still early days. I was so scared and I didn't know what to do, I just knew I had to tell you."
More tears flow down her cheeks and my heart breaks for her, I can see how scared she was. She is.
Thinking back to that amazing night, i try to run everything through my mind that happened. Though some parts are foggy, I too can't remember the protection part and a lump forms in my throat.
I look away guiltily, tears filling my eyes. "Chandler what's wrong?" Monica asks, despite my efforts she notices my upset, reaching out and touching my cheek.
"Monica I can't remember either. I'm so sorry" My face crumples and I feel a few tears trickle from my eyes, " This is my fault. I should've thought about what I was doing, I've never forgotten before. I feel so guilty, I haven't been there for you"
Monica reaches out for me and I cling to her body for some seeking comfort, "Then it is both of our faults, we are both responsible adults. I in no way blame you. It was my fault I didn't tell you as soon as I found out, I just needed to process it. I understand if you don't want to be a part of the baby's life, I get that, it wasn't planned, I just wanted you to know."
My head shoots up from her shoulder and I am lost for words once again.
After a few moments I find my voice, "What are you talking about! Of course I want to be there. I want to be there for you both, because this won't be easy, but I know together we will get through it. Even though it wasn't planned, I am happy, I'll probably need reassuring that it will be fine. I will be there for you, every scan, every craving and every little thing you need, I will be there."
I must've said the right thing because a smile spreads across her cheeks that nearly splits her face in half, and I grin.
" I'm happy too." Monica whispers, grinning. "I have a scan in a month, to see the baby"
Squeezing her hands my heart swells to enormous amounts at the thought of seeing my own child, "I'll be there"
I don't think the idea of having a child has settled in, and I'm certain I will have a few times where I just don't believe the situation, or I will overthink my abilities as a parent. But the thought of not doing this alone, makes me feel so much more relieved. I accept me and Monica aren't together or anything, but there's something within me that's so happy she is the mother of my child.
Together I know we will get through this.
It will take reassurance, there'll be good days and bad, I'll be there for every single moment. I owe it to this woman.
AN: I rewrote parts of this chapter to try and make it a lot better. I hope you guys like it. Sorry I haven't written for a while, a lot has going off as most of you will know. Finishing school early hit me harder than I ever thought it would, especially as it was my last year, some of you will know, we lost prom, leavers day and time with our friends. It took a while for me to come to terms with this, because I never got to actually say thank you to some of my most important teachers. Some have taught me for sooo long, and were there for me when I cried and cried over the many obstacles I hit, especially since Christmas.
Anyways I will hopefully be able to write more for this story as I actually really like it, I've also got another idea for a story so keep a lookout for that in the future!
I hope you enjoyed reading!
I did write a little story of me finding out about the cancellation of exams and everything, and then my last day of school. Would any of you actually want to read this?