A/N: and...a palate cleanser...
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Post-season 5; AU (Specifically in the "What Might Have Been" Universe)
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"Quick, send me on an errand. Ice cream, pickles, the primordial strain, anything," Danny hissed, eyes flickering to the woman striding towards them across the gymnasium.
Kara stared at him for a moment, clearly confused, before she suddenly smiled. "PTA Mom is headed this way, isn't she?"
"Please," Danny begged. "I would do it for you."
"Like the way you covered for me when I didn't want to cook anything for the bake sale?" Kara asked. She snapped her fingers. "Oh, that's right. You didn't. Instead, you volunteered me to work the booth."
"That's not what happened," Danny hissed. He abruptly straightened. "Leslie, how are you?"
"Danny! And Kara!" Leslie's voice was like nails on a chalkboard. "Isn't this the cutest thing ever? I just love kindergarten graduations. And so nice to get to know all of the other parents! We're going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next twelve years, after all."
"Adorable," Kara replied while Danny hoped that his own horror wasn't obvious. Twelve more years with PTA Mom?
Leslie leaned over to give Kara a peck on the cheek. "Oh, my goodness, you look ready to pop! I remember that Mark has an older brother. Is this baby number three?"
"Four," Kara replied from between clenched teeth. "We also have a three-year-old at home."
"We're hoping for a girl this time," Danny interjected.
"Oh, I imagine you are after three boys!" Leslie seemed oblivious to the sour look that Kara was sporting. "When are you due?"
"August, so about six more weeks." Kara's tone did not invite further questions.
Leslie blinked at her, before glancing at Danny. A shrewd expression on her face. "Well, seems like that baby is taking after daddy. I thought you were already full term given how much you've popped. Anyway, I wouldn't think of asking you to volunteer in your advanced condition, Kara, but it might be nice to have a couple of those kids gone for the day. Don't you think, Danny? Splash camp needs more volunteers and I saw that Frankie and Mark were on the waitlist. The children of volunteers always get to go, you know."
"It's not that I don't want to volunteer," Danny began. "But I'm trying to finish up at work before I take paternity leave and ..."
"Daddy! Daddy!" Frankie skidded to a stop in front of his parents. "Daddy! Uncle Mike said that if you agree to go with me, I can go to splash camp! Can I go, Dad? Please, please?"
From across the gymnasium, Danny shot Slattery a glare, which the man returned by raising his beer in a mock salute. A glance down at his son's excited eyes, and Danny recognized that he had been beaten. He turned to Leslie. "Okay, you can put me down for activities. I might even be able to scrounge up a few more volunteers."
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Danny faced his team, who were viewing him with a mixture of amusement and pity.
"So you want us all to plan and execute a water activity for twenty kids between five and ten? Because you cannot say no to this woman? This PTA Mom?" Azima asked, skepticism dripping from her voice.
"Yes," Danny replied.
"Nobody can say no to her," Carlton added, rising from the table where they were enjoying a break after the morning debriefing. "Not even Tex."
Everyone glanced at Tex, who shrugged. "Some fights are not worth fighting."
"This means Mira can go to camp too, right?" Carlton asked. "Because she's been driving me crazy since she found out that Frankie and Mark are going."
"PTA Mom says that all volunteers can bring their kids," Danny assured Carlton.
"Why does she need volunteers?" Ray scoffed. "Water stuff is easy. Give them all a red solo cup and tell them to pour it on each other."
"Ray's in charge of red cup chase." Danny made a note in his pad. "What else?"
"Balloon toss," Wolf offered.
"Water guns," Eric suggested.
"Guns aren't allowed. School rule," Danny explained with a shake of his head.
Eric's brow furrowed and then his face brightened. "Sponge war."
"Just don't call it a war and we're good," Danny replied, scribbling as he spoke.
Tex wiggled his eyebrows. "Water limbo."
"Water limbo?" Danny repeated.
Tex grinned. "You take the hose and make the kids go under. Poor man's sprinkler."
"Whatever floats your boat, Tex."
"The children should balance a cup of water on their heads," Azima said, apparently having decided that there was no quashing Danny's plan. "It will also require them to stand still. I will supervise that activity."
"Okay, that's five," Danny said, not caring whether or not Azima's activity bombed. It still counted. "We need one more."
Tex started laughing. "I have the perfect idea. And Red will be so happy about Liam getting into splash camp that she won't even try to stop me."
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Ten days later, Mike stalked across the school lawn towards the bleachers, his clothes and hair dripping. Tom handed him a beer. "You look wet."
Mike scowled. "Those kids can throw. That paddle was tiny but almost all of them hit it. I must have had twenty buckets of water poured over my head."
"Well, you did volunteer," Tom noted. He waited a beat. "How did Leslie manage that anyway?"
"She wouldn't take Kaito and Logan off the waitlist until I agreed to show up and by then Green had already assigned all of the good jobs, so I got stuck volunteering for the elementary school version of a dunk tank," Mike replied sourly. "Someone really needs to look into hiring PTA Mom. She would make an excellent drill sergeant."
"The recruits would never survive her," Tom replied, chuckling.
Mike drained half his beer, wiping his head with a towel. Then he stopped, appearing to take in Tom's informal attire. "What are you doing here anyway?"
"Same as you," Tom explained, pulling out a pair of goggles. "Jake wanted to come to camp and this was the last spot that Green needed to fill. I tried to volunteer Sasha but she claimed some nonsense about needing to help Kara with Stevie since Danny was going to be here all afternoon."
Mike scoffed. "Christine used the same excuse. And I saw her grabbing the good coffee on the way out. I considered rating Kara out to Danny but I figured that anyone crazy enough to have four children deserves real coffee. That decaf shit does not cut it."
"You have five kids, Mike," Tom said slowly, staring at Mike.
"Exactly," Mike replied solemnly. He gestured towards Leslie, who was headed in their direction. "It appears that you are being summoned."
Tom took off his watch, dropping it, along with his keys and wallet, into the truck. "At least it's warm out today."
Mike chuckled, before he dropped his voice. "Hey, did you notice that all of our kids were waitlisted? I know that Christine put in the boys' application on the first day."
"Sasha had it in within the five minutes of the link appearing," Tom confirmed.
"And it seems unlikely that both Andrea and Kara would drop the ball," Mike continued. He gestured towards Leslie. "Do you think she did it on purpose?"
Tom clapped his friend on the back. "I think that some people are born to be Navy captains and some people are born to run the PTA. I prefer to stay on my own side of the line."
"You're right," Mike said after a minute. "Those recruits would be totally toast."