A/N — okay, this has taken on a life of its own. If you have not already done so, go read Chapter 5 of Aspect's "Looking Glass" and SRP2017's story "Suspicious Mind". Crackfic for the win! xoxo — kals
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Name: Accidents
Place: the Arctic (maybe)
Universe: AU of Bookworms (because why not? LMAO)
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"Just so y'all know, today was a completely boring day. Nothing whatsoever out of the norm. The Russians didn't capture Green and Cooper. The Captain acted totally calm and logical at all times. And nobody on the team needs medical attention, what-so-ever," Frankie announced, as he came over the rail of the Nathan James.
"Glad the mission went well, sir," Mason chirped, earning himself the evil eye.
"Are you fraking kidding me?" Frankie snapped.
"I know that one! Battlestar Galactica!" Mason shouted. When every eye turned his way, Mason shuffled his feet, adding, "2003 version. Not the original."
"Sweet Baby Jesus give me strength." Frankie stared at the sky, hands moving to his waist as he heaved a sigh, before swiveling in Kara's direction. "What, for the love of god, is the nerd talking about?" Without waiting for an answer, Benz threw up his hand. "Actually, never mind. Teach your people sarcasm, Foster-or-Green-or-whatever-you're-calling-yourself these days."
Kara watched as Smith and Berchem followed Frankie over the rail, heart dropping when she realized that Berchem was carrying Halsey. Kara narrowed her eyes on Frankie. "Where's Danny?"
Ignoring her, Frankie addressed Slattery. "This is, hands down, the worst mission of my life. And given some of the places that Cooper's dragged us to, that's saying something." Frankie straightened, clicking his heels and giving Slattery a salute. "Request to transfer to latrine cleaning duty, sir!"
"Overly dramatic and insincere request denied," Slattery responded, before adding, voice serious. "Where's the CO?"
"In the second RHIB. Captain's helping Green. Cooper's supervising," Frankie replied, lifting his hands to add quotation marks around supervising, before muttering. "Making sure there are no more accidents."
Kara exchanged a concerned look with Mike. Benz might be a bit dramatic at times, but this was extreme, even for him. "Should I call Rios?"
"Good idea," Mike replied, his eyes tracking the approaching RHIB.
Kara had just finished making the call when Danny's sandy head appeared over the rail. He was moving under his own steam, at least, although Kara noticed he was cradling his right shoulder. Then he turned his head, revealing a black eye and cheek so swollen that she couldn't see his ear. "Danny! What happened?"
Danny's gaze moved past Kara to Mike. "Walked into a wall. Totally my fault. Guess I was feeling clumsy today."
Every eye was now pinned on Danny. Mason leaned towards Kara, voice a whisper. "He's being sarcastic, right?"
Before Kara could consider how to respond without sarcasm, Sasha came over the rail, the Captain only a step behind. Both were scowling, and Sasha had blood on her white jacket.
Captain Chandler was the first to speak. "Cooper needs medical attention."
"I'm fine," Sasha bit out. "Focus on Green."
"You were unconscious," Chandler argued, ignoring the ice-cold look that Sasha shot in his direction.
"So was Danny," she bit out, articulating each word in a way that had everyone in the vicinity take a step back. "As you know."
Kara leaned towards Danny, her voice a whisper. "What in the world happened?"
"Not here," Danny replied, heaving a sigh. "Not unless you have a death wish."
Mike bent down, taking a better look at Danny's face, eyes flickering between him and Tom. "Lieutenant Foster, please make sure that Green and Cooper make it down to Rios. Tell him that both of them are to stay for 24 hours for observation." He then turned in Tom's direction. "I have a situation to discuss with you, Captain."
The two remained silent until they reached Tom's at-sea cabin. Closing the door behind them, Mike leaned back against it. "You going to fill me in on whatever happened out there? Because Benz said something about the Russians capturing Green and Cooper."
Tom groaned, dropping into his chair. "What would you think if you fought your way into Ruskov's makeshift prison and found Green with his head under Cooper's shirt, hands on her breasts?"
Mike blinked, imagining the scenario, before nodding. "Getting the underwire from her bra, right? To use to unlock the door?" When Tom remained silent, Mike slowly sank into the chair on the other side of Tom's desk. "Please tell me that Green actually did run into a wall."
Tom looked up, then sighed. "Going to write me up, XO?"
"Nope," Mike snorted. "But you have a bigger problem. I saw the look Cooper gave you and I can guarantee that any goodwill you had acquired by going along with her plan to search the Arctic for the primordial is now gone."
Tom stood and moved to the coffee machine. "Think groveling will work?"
Mike accepted the cup of coffee as he considered the problem. "Only if you plan on groveling to Green."