Emmanuel Collage Fanfiction – Chapter 1

Emmanuel Collage, a land of misery, depression, insanity and sheer stupidity. Within the confines of this asylum of madness, students from all age groups reside within, minds shattered from the repetitive drole behaviours enforced upon them by the Dictator Aqualawn. However, none of this is relevant as the depression and misery as simply self-fulfilling cycles, the insanity and idiocy on the other hand are much more interesting to view in the wild and therefore that is what we shall all focus on.

"Jon!"

This was, is and will continue to be, a common occurrence within the sixth form centre of Emmanuel. Ursaha, (a well-known member of Taliban) was well known for enraging any whom dared to interact or be in the same vicinity of.

"Silence yourself, Usla-ban, I should be made known to you that I am the avatar of an everlasting constant that has power over this meaningless and powerless universe. Now bow before the-!"

Suddenly the doors of hell were slammed open, a lunatic of the highest order had entered the domain of Jon, interrupted his divine spiel by opening the floodgates.

"Jon this isn't the time for such pleasantry, I've found more interesting endeavours to pursue!", Lowaida

Jon sighed curbing his fury for a moment, "what do you want Acream, can't you see I'm busy?"

Slowly a maniacal grin began to break onto Lowaida's face. Don gave Ursaha a death glare before returning to Lowaida.

"Fine, I guess I could hear you out, BUT only if it's interesting, ok?"

"Now that you're on board I'll spill the beans, ready?"

Lowaida proceed to hurl steaming baked beans at Ursaha, causing to shriek in agony whilst Don laughed hysterically. Ursaha scurried around the common area, knocking tables and chairs over before Lowaida pulled a bucket filled with cool liquid at Ursaha finally satiating his affliction of beans.

Finally controlling his amusement, "is that all you wanted to share with us today?"

Wagging his finger is disappointment, he replied," Not quite, you see, Fef came upon this very interesting snippet of information that I wish to share with you. "

Both Jon and Ursaha, who had recovered extremely quickly all things considered, eyes gleamed with anticipation, both knowing information from Fef, although was a rarity, always had deep relevance to what may come to pass in the future.

"You two ready? No? Don't care, Fef found Dionan and Cokelan kissing in Dictator Aqualawn's office!"

The trio of terror, made their way towards the hideous reception area, encrusted with propaganda, indoctrination and the sweet lies of a man who's only wish was to spread his influence as far and was wide as possible. Towering over the desk was a presence that Jon nor Ursaha had expected. Fef arose, his majestic aura weighed down upon all those in attendance, clad in only the most elegant of maid outfit. He far outshined either of the other receptionists to such a degree it must delighted them to be within Fef's almighty presence.

Jon had only shock plastered upon his face, horrified that the young Turkish gentleman could have adorned such a vulgar garment.

"FEF! Why are you wearing such a haram outfit, this is clearly not safe for Allah!"

With a refinement that only Fef could have achieved, he turned to Jon and greeted him with, "Welcome Mangoman, it is absolutely wonderful to have you grace myself with your presence. From your pervious questions you may be wondering what I'm doing here are you not?"

Jon nodded tentatively.

"To ensure my income is supplemented with extra funds for my father's upcoming birthday I have decided to take up a temporary role at Emmauel."

Lowaida cut in," yeah, yeah very cool... bbbuuuutttt that's not why we're here. You see..."

"I see, please state your request and I'll see if I can fulfil it."

Taking a deep breath Lowaida continued, "Remember that conversation we were having about Dionan and Cokelan..., err we wish for more information on this... subject of interest."

Fef eyed Lowaida wearily, "...and for what reason do you wish to continue your search for answers? If you do not provide a valid enough response, I may decline any information I may have."

Before Lowaida could answer Fef, a thunderous collision echoed throughout the school, collage thing. A medium sized hole was positioned just a meter away from Ursaha. Everyone turned their heads towards Ursaha.

Shaking his head and waving his hand in terror he yelped, "it wasn't me I swear!"

Suddenly a hand hastily gripped on the outer edges of the newly formed mini chasm as it will now be known as to the fidgety, year 7s. A small hominoid figure pushed himself from the hole.

"ITS A ZOMBIE! "Shrieked Ursaha.

However, Jon slapped him on the back of the head before yelling at equal volume, "it's John the Chinese Baptist you dunce!"

"Oh..."

As Jon and Ursaha helped John out of the hole Lowaida stared at him, completely befuddled by his appearance in the mini chasm.

"John, where the hell did you come from? You just appeared out of nowhere like Jon's hairline!"

Laughing with Lowaida, John replied," Oh finny thing is I was trying to kill Ursaha by turning him into toothpaste with a high-speed collision!"

Ursaha promptly fainted from shock, however no one cared enough to catch him before he fell to the floor. Lowaida finally regaining his composure continued to our amazing maid receptionist.

"Fef, shits boring here at Emmanuel collage this may be our only chance to have some fun, so why don't you... indulge us?"

Finally conceding victory to Lowaida's insistence, "Fine I'll tell you were to can acquire more information on our 'little celebrities'..."

Lowaida began to grin until Fef continued

"...but only under the condition that you have to find out everything by yourself from any clues I may give to you."

Jon and Lowaida nodded to each other

"I, Jon Mangoman, accept these conditions along with Lowaida Acream"

"Excellent..."