Sans normally would've just shortcutted to the top of the mountain. Of course, Sans normally wouldn't be able to ski, on account of his bones practically being made of glass.

Anyway. Riding the ski lift under the soft starlight was nice. It didn't hurt that Toriel put her arm around his waist. (He was finally tall enough that it was uncomfortable for her to rest her arm along his shoulders.)

"To keep you from freezing to the bone." She winked.

His face heated. It would have to be a lot colder than this to chill him, but he didn't need to tell her that.

They chatted about nothing important while the lift carried them up the mountain. It was the most normal he'd felt since getting stuck in his brother's body. It was almost weird how not-weird it was, being here with Toriel, joking like they always did.

Or maybe he was just telling himself that so he wouldn't overthink this whole date thing. It was hard to tell. Denial was a drug he'd overdosed on a long time ago.

"Are you ready, Sans?" Toriel retracted her arm as the end of the lift approached.

"Snow way I would flake out on ya now, Tori." He winked.

Flake out? No. Wipe out? As soon as he tried to get his skis under him.

Toriel laughed and scooped him up under his ribcage. Even on her snowboard she was sure-footed and steady. He shook snow out of his nasal hole as she glided them away from the lift and towards the slope. Monsters and humans alike were giving them weird looks, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Glad I'm not too big for you to carry." He grinned.

"You are still only bones." She smiled down at him before setting him upright on his skis.

His legs felt something like his brother's infamous spaghetti. He'd be lucky to make it ten seconds without falling over again.

"Are you sure about this?" Toriel asked, as if reading his mind. "It was quite thoughtful of you, but we can always return to the bunny slopes."

They had spent the last thirty minutes going up the conveyor belt and down the flattened hill, while a resort employee laughed at him from inside an ICE-E suit. He could take Tori's good natured rib-ing, but the attention from strangers was embarrassing.

"Nah, bunnies don't do it for me. I'm more of a goat person." He winked.

She blinked back at him before letting out a snort of laughter. It grew into a shaking bleat as tears leaked from her eyes.

"And Chara thought you didn't have 'game.'" She wiped a finger across her eyes, and felt his cheekbones heat.

"Hey, I got lots of games. Guitar Hero, Fortnite, Animal Crossing, all the classics."

He forced himself not to shrink from her warm look. He might be a giant dork, but so was she. There was nothing to worry about.

"Let us just see how you do at this game."

She winked, and then she was boarding down the mountain, leaving a spray of powder in her wake.

XXX

He had to give himself some credit. He could've sucked a lot worse.

"Papyrus, I thought you'd let me borrow your muscle memory," he muttered as he picked himself out of a snow poff. "Guess you'd have to have muscles for that, huh…"

He didn't mind, though. Toriel was cackling hard enough to fall over herself.

This one had been a pretty spectacular wipeout. He'd vaulted over a hidden bump and cartwheeled through the air before landing head-first in the snow poff. He'd only lost ten HP.

Only ten. Heh. He was getting spoiled already.

"Seven points!" Toriel announced after getting ahold of herself.

"Aw, c'mon, Tori. That was a solid eight." He clipped one ski back to his boot. He was gonna be a pro at that by the time the night was over.

"If you want an eight, you'll need to launch your skis a little farther." She handed him his other ski.

"Maybe if I had the dog here to fetch 'em for me." He grinned. "Y'know, I bet Alphys could make some boomerang skis. Save us all some trouble."

"Until they decapitate someone on their way back." She snorted, but she was still smiling. "Maybe I am too old school. It feels like cheating not to retrieve your skis yourself."

He chuckled and clipped his remaining ski back in place.

"Well, thanks for cheating for me then."

She helped him up, and they made it a little farther down the winding slope before he built up too much speed and skidded off towards the trees.

"Crap," he said under his breath, but before he could collide with a thick pine trunk, Toriel slid in front of him and scooped him into her arms.

"Hey. I was gunnin' for an eight there." He grinned up at her.

"If I had let you go, the only thing you would have 'ate' was the bark from that tree." She smirked. "Worry not. You still have plenty of time to raise your score."

He winced when his skis accidentally knocked against her horns. "Uh. Unless you'd rather ski-daddle. I know a shortc—"

Crap. He didn't know a shortcut. The only way out was down.

"You haven't board me yet." She sprayed snow when she cut to the side, skidding them to a stop. She looked down at him with concerned eyes. "Unless all this falling has taken a toll on you…?"

It had. All this falling for her was gonna get him in trouble. He could tell himself he had nothing to worry about, that there was no reason to be afraid of his dorky best friend. It didn't change the fact that he hadn't gone on a date in years and was terrified of screwing up.

She wouldn't care. She loved to watch him screw up. Maybe he wasn't as afraid of that as he was of… not screwing up.

If he screwed up now, she wouldn't get her hopes up. He wouldn't inevitably let her down.

"Sans?" Her brow furrowed in concern.

Crap. See, this was why he didn't think too much. People got worried when his train of thought left him on the side of the tracks.

"Sorry. Must've shaken my brain loose on that last one." He grinned sheepishly.

"Oh dear. Perhaps I should carry you the rest of the way. We cannot let you return Papyrus's body in poor condition."

His hands gripped the slick material of her coat. Tempting as that offer was, it would be a good way to really disconnect his brain.

"Once he hears how cool I looked wiping out, he'll forgive me."

She laughed. Why did she laugh? He wasn't even that funny. He was just…

Slipping. Panicking.

Geez, he was a noob. She liked him. Why couldn't he just believe that?

"Sans, you really do not look well." She adjusted him in her arms so that she could press a paw to his forehead. "Regardless of whose body you're wearing, I do not want you to catch a cold for my sake."

"Really, Tori. I'm fine. Just… a little rattled, I guess." He grimaced.

"Oh." She gently set him back on his skis. "This is not about wiping out, is it?"

"Heh. I'm that easy to read, huh?" He wobbled a bit. He likely would have slid down the slope if she hadn't steadied him.

"No. It would have been much easier had I worn my glasses." She smiled. "I am squinting, and the words are still blurry. Would you do me a favor and translate for me?"

"Sorry, Tori. I'm Jared, nineteen." He looked up so she could get the full effect of his wink.

She suppressed a snort, but it looked like it took all her effort.

"That would be an excellent joke any other time. But I am serious. If I have coerced you into this in any way…"

"Stop." He shook his head, and a few wayward snowclumps fell out of his jaw. "If I got in a bit over my skull, that's on me. I've been having a great time, falls and all. I'm just a little worried about falling for, uh. You."

He finished quietly, his face feeling hot enough to be concerning. Good thing she was no longer checking for a fever.

"Oh." She blinked before giving a nervous chuckle. "Oh."

"Yeah." He coughed into his fist to fill the awkward beat. "Welp. I think that wipe out deserves a ten."

"No, it does not." She suddenly squeezed him tight. "I was just surprised, that is all. I had hoped, but… it is much nicer to hear you actually say it."

"Why?" He breathed into the crook of her neck. His skis were trying to slide again, tangling beneath her snowboard. She didn't seem to mind.

"You are not the only one who gets nervous, Sans."

"No, I mean—why do you like me?" He finally found the words to ask. "What do you want out of all of this? I know I'm good for a few jokes, but you're—you're way too good for me, Tori."

She pulled back far enough to look into his eyesockets.

"Sans. I am not too good for you. We are both giant dorks."

He smiled a little. "Fair enough."

"As for what I want—well." Her ear twitched, the way it only did when she was nervous. "You have always been a wonderful friend. You are a wonderful roommate. I do not want more from you than you want to give. I just want you to know how loved you are."

Loved. A tingle shot down his spine. Was this how Papyrus felt around Mettaton? He felt like one of those stars up above, sparking bright.

Geez, that was cheesy. He should've shoved a wheel of cheddar in his pocket instead of a dried-out date.

"Welp. Thanks." He looked away, still a little embarrassed. "You're pretty cool yourself."

"Thank you, Sans." She smiled. "If I may ask—what would you like from this? We do not have to go on dates if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Uh." Wow. No one had ever asked him that before. Then again, he'd only dated Alphys and Grillby before, and neither of those relationships had lasted particularly long. "I guess I just don't want you to expect too much? But it uh, sounds like you already know that. So…"

He met her eyes again. They shined in the lamplight, turning her brown irises a warm red-orange.

"I like this." It felt weird to admit out loud. Not bad, though. Maybe there was something to be said for just saying what you want. "I like going out with you, or staying in, or whatever. I like using terrible pickup lines with you. And, uh, I like when you carry me places." His cheekbones heated. "I mean, who wouldn't want a hot boss monster to sweep 'em off their feet?"

She laughed at that. "I think I would prefer a small skeleton."

"Whaddaya know. I know someone who's just your type."

She leaned in closer.

"Oh, do you?"

"Yep." He winked. "My brother."

After a shocked beat, she let out a howl of laughter.

"You are the worst!" She pushed him gently. He only stayed upright because his skis were trapped under her board.

"Aww, but you love me."

"I suppose I do." She nuzzled the top of his skull, sending warmth flowing through his marrow.

It didn't matter how many times he wiped out throughout the night. That warmth reignited every time she helped him back up.

XXX

"Sans, you must come look at this," Toriel stage-whispered. Her face was close to the living room window; her breath fogged up the glass in the midnight chill. They'd gotten back late, but for once Sans felt as awake as ever.

"What are the squirrels up to this time?" He asked after shedding his (well, Tori's) sweatshirt onto the recliner.

"This is much better than squirrels," she assured him.

He joined her at the window and squinted into the backyard.

Papyrus and Mettaton were curled up on a picnic blanket, barely illuminated by the stars and fireflies. It was still a little weird to see his own body in Mettaton's arms, but it only proved how much Mettaton cared for his brother. The downgrade in looks didn't seem to bother the robot at all.

"Oh man. I've gotta get a picture." Sans fished his phone out of his pocket. "This is going in their wedding video for sure."

"I am sure that will be an interesting memory." Toriel laughed. "Anyone who does not know that you and Papyrus switched bodies will be very confused."

"That'll just make it funnier." It wasn't like he and Papyrus were keeping their "condition" a secret, anyway. The longer it took Alphys to swap them back, the more people would inevitably realize something was up.

Sans probably should've been in a bigger rush, but man, it was nice having a body that didn't tire out so fast. Maybe he'd have to start taking Papyrus's health suggestions seriously.

He held the phone up as close to the glass as he could and snapped the photo. He didn't realize the flash was on until he blinded himself and anyone outside.

"Crap, you don't think they—?"

Toriel was already pulling him to the ground where they wouldn't be seen. He had to hold in a laugh, but he did hear voices outside. Papyrus might not be a light sleeper right now, but Mettaton apparently was.

There was no real reason to hide, but it was still fun, lying on the ground next to Toriel, both of them barely containing their giggles.

"They're gonna know we were spying," he pointed out. "The light's still on."

Toriel cursed. "Should I crawl over and turn it off?"

As hilarious as the idea was, Sans had it covered.

"Nah. I'll just…" He attempted a shortcut before remembering that wouldn't work right now. Still, he did feel something. Shortcut magic was always finicky. Could Papyrus possibly have it too, but just have never figured out how to use it?

He closed his eyes and focused. He knew where the lightswitch was. He knew how to align the two points in his mind, how to tug on the threads of magic underlying the physical matter of the universe.

It was never as scientific as it sounded. Really, he hadn't been lying to Papyrus. He just felt it in his bones.

He tugged on that something…

And he went spinning like a starfish across the carpet. Literally. It shouldn't have been possible; the friction between his t-shirt and the carpet should've slowed him. It was like he'd been put into a physics problem where air resistance and gravity were ignored.

He finally stopped when he bumped against the wall beneath the lightswitch.

"That was… um, a rather interesting method of transportation." Toriel laughed again, though she was trying to keep her voice down.

"I think I just figured out how my bro breaks physics," he said before using blue magic to flip the switch.

"You could have done that from here, you know."

"Yeah, but it wouldn't have looked as cool." He winked.

Plus he'd just learned something important. If Papyrus's physics-bending magic worked the same as Sans's shortcuts, then Sans's finally knew how to teach him.

Hopefully from there, and with Alphys's help, Papyrus could "shortcut" them back into their own bodies.