Chapter 2: In the Dark
"Love of mine / Someday you will die / But I'll be close behind / I'll follow you into the dark"
'I Will Follow You into the Dark' - Death Cab for Cutie
A/N: Thanks everyone for all the kudos and reviews! Here's the second chapter!
These last few months have been exhausting. Despite their efforts at the hospital and home to flatten the curve, Covid didn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Cases didn't seem to be declining like everyone had hoped, instead growing by the hundreds each day, thousands each week. Mark hadn't seen his wife in person in two weeks, relying on calls and FaceTime after his shift, texts throughout the day. It was hard, and it didn't seem like it would be getting any easier.
He'd hoped that Meredith would've gotten better by now, but she'd been in a coma for nearly three months. That was hard on everyone, especially Lexie and Amelia, even if they both tried to act as though everything was fine. He'd reached out to Addison, hoping that she could talk to Amelia while he helped Lexie, but she was just as busy as they were. She was stuck in endless calls with patients via virtual doctor visits, some days even going into St. Ambrose for cases, though those were rare. But she still tried, or so Amelia would say when they saw each other. That Addison had texted, that she'd texted back. Everyone was trying their best to keep it together.
The hospital felt quieter than normal when he finally got off the clock. With elective surgeries being canceled and people, for the most part, staying in lockdown, Seattle Grace Mercy West was a shell of its former hustle-bustle atmosphere. He'd settled into an on-call room two floors above where Meredith slept, wanting to feel close to his sister-in-law. He'd just fallen asleep when his pager went off, waking him. He fought the urge to throw it against the wall, fumbling for it as he ran a hand over his face in annoyance. An icy chill raced down his spine as Amelia's message cut through his fog of sleep. 911.
He bolted from the room and down the hall to the elevator. It was early, but he didn't check the time, despite it feeling as though he'd just fallen asleep. Amelia was pacing when he saw her, back and forth outside of Meredith's room. He knew she would be. She always was. She was the one who'd been keeping a close eye on Meredith's condition, knowing that Maggie and Lexie shouldn't be the ones to do it. A quick glance at the clock revealed that it was almost 1 am, and that definitely didn't make him feel any better. Amelia seemed worried, stressed, and a lead ball settled in his stomach, making him feel nauseous. Ever since Derek had died in the car crash, he worried about his family more and more.
Everyone in this house had been affected by Covid in some way, but no one had thought that Meredith of all people would become its next victim. It felt as though the hospital itself had lost its motivation, the halls feeling suffocating and bleak, especially on the Covid floor. It felt as though everything was going to collapse. The only thing anyone could agree on was that Meredith had to recover. It was as though the hospital itself needed her to, as though its very existence depended on her survival.
He cleared his throat, and she turned to him immediately. Amelia looked like she hadn't slept at all, her eyes tired. Maybe she hadn't. Covid rotations were hard on everyone, but Amelia most of all. He knew that.
"What happened?" And he prayed for good news. He lived on that small sliver of hope that he refused to give up. That Meredith would survive this.
Amelia's eyes filled with tears, and for a moment, he feared the worse, his heart tightening in his chest. No, that wasn't possible. There was no way…
"Meredith is awake," Amelia's voice trembled with relief, and he felt his breath return to him in a rush.
"Damn it, Amelia," he fell back into the nurses station, looking into Meredith's room, "You can't just do that to me. Why are you pacing if it's good news?"
"I have to call Addie. I told her I'd keep her updated. But I can't," she shook her head, holding up her phone, which shook as her hand trembled, "I'm so relieved, and I can't breathe, and she's gonna think something is wrong."
He placed his hands on her shoulders, centering her, "Breathe. Deep breathes," He smiled softly, "It's gotta be you. You've been keeping her updated through all of this. She's gonna think something's wrong with you if you don't tell her. But I'm right here with you. You're not alone. Just breathe."
Amelia took a breath, and then another, tears of relief finally falling. She knew he was right.
The shrill ringing of her phone pulled Addison immediately from sleep. It had been the kind of sleep she didn't want to wake up from, one where she dreamed of a world not being ravaged by this deadly disease. Though whether it was before Covid or after, she didn't know.
She glanced blearily at her alarm clock. 1:15 am. Who the hell was calling this early? As soon as she registered Amelia's name lighting up her screen, she immediately answered it, her heart beating in her chest. Early phone calls were never good.
"What is it? What's happened?" And much like that first night nearly three months now, Amelia is having trouble getting her words out. But unlike the confusion from that first night, the only thing she felt was fear. "Amelia?" Her sister's name comes out in a low whisper, despite her door being closed and the house empty besides her. She thought of the images that Amelia had sent her that morning. Everything was looking good. There was no way something had happened…was there? No, she mentally reviewed the images that she'd all but memorized. Vitals were good, there hadn't been anything abnormal.
"She's awake."
Lost in her thoughts, Amelia's words don't quite register at first. But then her voice comes out in a choked whisper, sounding nearly numb, even to her own ears, "What?"
"Meredith woke up," Amelia answered, "Her stats are so, so good."
"Show me," she requested. She wasn't sure if she's asking to see the blonde Attending herself or the monitor showing her stats. It was almost a struggle to get the words out, the very weight of them nearly suffocating her. And maybe it was. She couldn't quite believe it. After months of being in a coma, she'd finally…
Amelia switches to FaceTime, and she squints at the harsh fluorescent lights as Amelia angles the phone to see the stats.
Without thinking about it, she made her way silently from her room to the kitchen, not bothering to flip on the lights. Better that Sam and Naomi didn't know she was awake. She pulled the bottle of wine from the fridge, poured herself a full glass as she sat at the kitchen table. She had no doubt that this would be a long night.
Amelia had already launched into explaining the majority of the readings, and she was grateful. Half-asleep, sipping on wine — celebratory wine because Meredith was awake — she found herself grateful for Amelia's words. She was in no state of mind to piece it all together, no right now.
She'd barely gotten through her first glass when Amelia's phone shifted to Meredith. A nurse in full PPE was helping her to sit up, and it brought tears to her eyes. She harshly blinked them away. For a moment, she found herself thinking of her mother. Bizzy had been dead nearly a decade, and yet she still remembered walking into the hotel room, finding her mother's lifeless body. Her mother had been distraught over losing Susan, she knew that. She'd begged and pleaded with her in the hospital room to save Susan, to save the one person she loved more than her children, the person she'd sacrificed her marriage for, her reputation for. But she couldn't. The surgery had only delayed the inevitable. Susan had signed a DNR. And then her mother — foolish, in love, in grief — had chosen to end her own life…had chosen to follow Susan into the afterlife.
She supposed she could understand her grief. She'd felt like that once. Sometimes, she still dwelled on it; when she allowed her mind to wander too far, she came back to that moment, years ago now. If I went missing, would anyone notice I was gone? And it's a ridiculous thought now. She had a found family in LA, she had her son. She was happy. People would notice if she just disappeared. They had daily meetings, for God's sake. They relied on her.
But for the first time, she tried to imagine herself in her mother's shoes. She'd hated her mother for leaving her like she did, overdosing on pills, needing to stay with the woman she loved, even in death. Bizzy was a selfish woman, after all. Yet as she brought the wine glass up to her lips, draining the last of its contents as she listened to Amelia rattle off Meredith's stats to her, her mind wandered. Even as she thought about the time before she'd met Meredith, she couldn't imagine a timeline where she never did. It was so unfathomable, unimaginable. Just the thought of it was gut-wrenching. To not know her at all? Or worse, for her to just die, a beacon of hope snuffed out by the dark? She could understand her mother's decision for the very first time. Sitting in the dark kitchen, she came to the realization that she and her mother weren't so different, not in this way. What would it be like to live in a world where the woman you loved wasn't there? She poured a second glass of wine. She never wanted to find out.
A/N: And there is chapter 2! I've added a song title at the beginning of chapter one, so please check that out if you haven't seen it. I think I will do that for each of the chapters! Let me know what you thought!