Chapter 6: A Deal With God

"It doesn't hurt me / Do you wanna feel, how it feels? / Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? / Do you wanna hear about the deal that I made with God?"

'Running Up That Hill (Deal with God)' by Lø Spirit

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to get up. Working nights is killer lol

"I wouldn't believe you if you told me?" Winston asked.

Neither Maggie nor Winston had met Addison, so they didn't know her the way he, Lexie and Amelia did. Addison was someone who had to pretend everything was okay, all the time. When Archer had been sick with parasites in his brain, she had to pretend she wasn't falling apart. When her mother had killed herself to be with her deceased wife – and really that was a whole other story in itself – she had to be strong for her father and brother. Even during her divorce from Jake, she'd never been allowed to break down and grieve the way she deserved. It made sense that after everything she and Meredith had gone through, their entire history spanning the near two decades they'd known each other, the news that Meredith was back in the coma had sent her over the edge. They always had a sort of tension between them, something that went beyond the entire wife/mistress fiasco. He'd never been able to prove that, of course, but he could read body language well enough to know that the last few times they'd interacted, something had been different. Regardless of Addison's reasons, she had gone AWOL and nothing anyone said would fix the pain that Amelia was feeling right now.

"It's complicated," he replied and left it at that.

Mark took a few minutes after getting ready for bed to go around the house, making sure the doors were all locked. The house was silent, and he was thankful. It meant the kids were sleeping soundly. He made his way up the stairs, checking in on them anyway.

Zola was asleep on her side, facing away from the door. He caught sight of Ellis cuddled up beside her big sister, one hand clutched tightly in Zola's top. He made his way to the twins' room. At 6, they were going to be getting their own rooms soon. The twins were asleep in their beds, and he let out a soft sigh as he looked in on them. His and Lexie's little miracles. Scout was asleep in Amelia's room, where Maggie had also elected to stay the night. He chanced a glance inside. All three were asleep, which made him breathe a silent sigh of relief. Sleep was good for Amelia.

His last stop was Bailey's room. He was expecting silence, but as he got closer to the door, he heard the little boy talking quietly. He edged the door open carefully, peeking in quietly. Unlike the other kids, the little boy was holding his mother's phone, talking quietly.

"– it's just scary, you know?" He knew that voice. But how…

"Mhmm, yeah," Bailey replied.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Henry's voice wavered, and he sounded younger than his 8 years. "Dad says everything is okay, but Mommy isn't here and I'm scared. What if she doesn't come home?"

"I'm scared too." Bailey revealed, "Aunt Maggie says that Mommy will get better and Aunt Lexie says not to worry, but what if she doesn't wake up?" Forgetting that he was supposed to stay quiet, he stepped into the room, startling Bailey, "Uncle Mark!"

"Shh," he brought his finger up to his lips, smiling slightly, "Can I sit? I wanna talk to you two," Bailey looked back at the phone and then nodded to him. He took a seat beside his nephew and took the phone. The slightly blurred video feed showed Henry, looking exhausted, and not just because of the late hour, "Did you steal your Dad's phone, Mr. Montgomery?"

Henry looked guilty, "I wanted to talk to Meredith, but then when the phone picked up, it was Bailey."

He was surprised. He knew Henry had talked to Meredith on occasion – the two had met when the boy was barely a year old, and Addison had come to his and Lexie's wedding. The younger Montgomery usually had called Meredith when he was arguing with Addison over trivial things, which had amused Meredith as much as it had aggravated Addison. Those conversations had usually ended with Meredith taking up residence on the couch for the night, a glass of wine and Addison's laugh on the other end.

But no, he was getting off track.

"You memorized Meredith's number?"

"No, Daddy had it in his phone. Mommy made him just in case," He wondered what just in case meant, but he filed the question away for another day, "When Bailey answered, I was worried."

"And we started talking," Bailey added, "Addie is really missing? Is she sick?"

"Listen here, you two," He looked between Bailey and the phone, "Your moms are two of the strongest people I know. And I know that you're both scared, but everything will be okay."

"You don't know that for sure," Henry replied, his voice shaking with his worry, "What if something bad happens? What if Mommy is sick like Meredith is? Aunt Nae keeps saying that Mommy –"

"Hey, hey," he gently soothed, "Breathe, buddy." He waited until Henry's breathing slowed before continuing, "Aunt Nae doesn't know what's going on either. But I talked to your mom a few days ago, and she didn't sound sick."

He'd been calling to see if she was going to come up to Seattle at some point because Meredith was awake. Things had been looking good, and he figured that a familiar face would be good for Meredith. Three days later, Meredith was back in the coma. Addison never did confirm if she would come to Seattle, so when Amelia had said that Addison had left LA, he hadn't worried. Except, she never showed up here…

"Uncle Mark?" Henry's voice was soft.

"Hmm?"

"Can Henry and I stay on the phone for a little longer?" Bailey asked.

"Please," Henry added.

"Oh, alright," He ruffled Bailey's hair as he stood, "Five minutes, okay? I'll be back for your mom's phone, Bailey." The two boys gave enthusiastic Yays, and he slipped out the door, not bothering to shush them.

When he returned to the room after five minutes, he found the phone on the pillow beside Bailey's head. The blond boy was asleep, and the grainy video of Henry, also asleep, made him smile softly. He hoped that he helped, if only a little bit.

Derek was dead. Addison knew that. She knew that he'd been dead nearly 6 years now. And yes, she'd loved him. For 11 years, she'd loved him. And as she sat on the pier with him, took him in, this man who she'd once wanted forever with, she knew he was dead. He wasn't supposed to look older. Because he would forever be 49. She knew that. And yet…

"You look good," he said, smiling at her.

She swallowed roughly, her voice wobbling slightly as she replied, "You look alive."

He chuckled slightly, "Yeah."

"What did you want to talk about?" She looked out at the blue, blue ocean. The wind whipped through her hair, the breeze warm on her cheek. She could almost imagine this was real, that this wasn't some fucked up dream.

"It's about Meredith," The playful smile on his face turned serious. And of course it was. Because Meredith was the reason for her disappearing act from LA.

"Derek, I…"

"I know," he interrupted her

"She does love you, you know?" he interrupted her, "Meredith. She loves you."

She let out a low chuckle, one of disbelief, "Yeah, I'm definitely dreaming."

"I already told you that," he answered, "You're dreaming. She's in a coma in Seattle. This is her dream, but you're part of it. Well, more like, you've become a part of it."

"Why?" She can't stop the word from coming out, low, her voice a near growl, like a wounded animal trying to protect itself, "Why the hell am I in here?"

"Because you're the only person who can help."

"Help?" Now, she was confused. The only thing she'd ever done since meeting Meredith was cause her problems.

"You love her."

"What?" She hated these dreams. The ones where she came to terms with her feelings, only for Meredith to either disappear or not return them, "No, I…"

"Addie, I'm dead," he cut her off, smiling at her again, "not blind. I've been trying to keep tabs on you. Both of you. And it's okay. You can admit it. You love her."

"Yes," The word came out quietly because she was definitely afraid to say it, "Yes, I love her."

"And she loves you."

She tried not to sigh, "Derek…"

"I love Meredith," Once again, he interrupted her, "I love her so much. When I was alive, I wanted to give her the world. And I know that she loves me, that a part of her will always love me. But I also want her to wake up. I want her to be happy. I want her to make new memories, to stop torturing herself and find love again."

"And that's somehow me? This new love that she's supposed to find?"

"Of course it is," he replied, "I know that a part of you still loves me too. Just like a part of you still loves Jake. But I know that we're not who you're in love with."

"And that's where Meredith comes in?" she asked dryly.

"You're both in love with each other," She opened her mouth to interrupt – because honestly how many times would he say that they were in love when clearly they weren't, at the very least Meredith wasn't – when he continued, "No, stop, this is important. You're both in love with each other, that's a fact. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to be here without being in Seattle. And that's why it has to be you."

"Has to be me for what?" She couldn't help but ask. She would file him knowing she wasn't in Seattle away as a weird dream detail.

"She's been trying to get close to me the entire time I've been here," There was a strange intensity in his eyes, and it honestly scared her a bit, "I've just been playing it off, telling her to visualize better."

"You don't want to let her touch you?" she asked, confused.

"I would love nothing more than to hug her one last time. But she can't touch me."

"I don't understand. Why can't she touch you? Meredith was able to hug me."

"You're alive, Addie."

"Yes," She nodded slowly, not quite understanding. What did her being alive have to do with anything?

"If Meredith touches me," Derek said, his tone serious, "she'll die. There won't be a beach anymore. Everything will fade to nothing. She will flatline in the real world, and she will die. She has to choose you. Do you understand? She has to choose you or she will die."

A/N: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN. I'm staying with my headcanon that Meredith shouldn't have been able to touch Derek because he was dead. Anyway, let me know what you think of this update. I'm hoping to get the next chapter done in the coming weeks but I'm not sure.