CHAPTER 11: THE MAKE ME A REAL RABBIT CLICHÉ
THE MAKE ME A REAL RABBIT CLICHÉ: The title character in "The Velveteen Rabbit," is a model of toy shop excellence from the tips of his floppy ears and bright button eyes to the tiny, almost invisible stitching on his toes. He's proud of his factory certified perfection until he realizes it isn't real. It can't be real, because perfection has no place in the messiness of life and love. Luckily for our plucky little plushie (and hopefully for us as well), he also learns that giving up the former is a small price to pay for achieving the latter.
MORAL: Clichés don't become clichés until their pristine surfaces are a collection of threadbare spots, until their cuddly bodies are lumpy from all the times we've hugged them to us.
And that's the moment when they become real.
The orange flowers surrounding Kaiba and Atem in limbo deepened to the mahogany brown of the game room's leather couch as they entered another world. Kaiba grinned. He had the same couch at home. It was a little more worn now; the leather was softer. Atem was sitting on it. He was a little older too, although worn and soft were the last words Kaiba would have chosen, staring at the sight of Atem, grown into his full strength.
Kaiba knew it was illogical, but it felt like he'd moved forward in time from their last world. He shrugged out of his midnight blue woolen coat. It was new too. Kaiba liked it. As he threw it over a chair in one practiced motion, he fell into his place in this latest world with the suddenness of a door closing.
Kaiba walked to the bar, poured himself a shot of whiskey, tossed it off, grimaced, then poured another.
"You don't have to drink it if it makes you wince," Atem said, as he gave Kaiba a kiss in greeting.
"I thought you liked the taste?" Kaiba parried as Atem's tongue flicked out to lick his lip.
"On you, everything tastes good."
Kaiba grunted. "Whiskey's an acquired taste and I'm acquiring it fast." He drained his second glass, flopped down on the couch and loosened his tie.
"Caught your mischievous hacker?" Atem asked.
"I knew who it was by the end of the first day. A hacker who isn't trying to steal data or disrupt any of our processes, but just kept being a pain in the ass, doing shit like turning the air conditioning in my office – and only in my office – to its highest level and changing my monitor screens into a Kuriboh wall? How many people get close enough to me to replace the Blue Eyes White Dragon roar on my phone with 'Sweet Caroline?' It was obvious who the culprit was. The next two days were spent figuring out how. Now, all I need to know is why."
Mokuba entered the room. He took off his long, tarnished gold leather coat and threw it on top of Kaiba's. He shook out his long ponytail. "I wanted your attention."
"You got it."
"Like your new ringtone?"
"Good times never seemed to so good," Kaiba said blandly.
Mokuba smiled, then drew in a breath and said, "I'm graduating in March."
"Yeah. All those college applications we sent out were a good clue. You've been accepted all over the world. You can go anywhere."
"I've already gone everywhere – with you. I don't see why I have to go to college when you never even finished high school. I did a good job hacking into your stuff. If you didn't already know it was me, you would have been sweating it. What can anyone teach me about computer technology or engineering that I can't learn on the job from you?"
"Do you even like any of that stuff? Enough to do it day after day?" Atem asked quietly.
Mokuba blinked. It was a question he'd never considered, never expected to be asked. "It's what Kaiba Corporation does."
"It's not the only thing we do," Kaiba pointed out. "We operate amusement parks all over the world. We run tournaments. We have a charitable foundation. There's marketing and social media, expanding our game division by searching out and acquiring new products, managing the supply chain, negotiating deals, fighting off hostile takeover attempts." Kaiba grinned at the way Mokuba's eyes lit up at the thought of taking on their opponents. "There's even…" Kaiba shuddered, "... the legal department."
"Great idea! Then there'll be at least one lawyer you have to listen to," Atem said.
Mokuba grinned at Kaiba's horrified expression. "Don't worry, I'd be more likely to help you find loopholes."
"You're the vice president of Kaiba Corporation," Kaiba stated. "That's never going to change. It's up to you what you want to make of it."
"I still don't get it. I'm not a kid anymore. You were running the show when you were two years younger than I am now! I've been helping you since Day 1. Did you forget we took over Kaiba Corporation together? That I helped you build a fucking theme park of death when I was eleven?"
"No, but I'd love to," Kaiba muttered.
"Then, what gives? When you were my age, you said school was for losers. I just assumed when I graduated, I'd work here full time and that would be that. Why are you so hyped on me going to college? What's changed or is it just that you think I can't hack it?"
"Never! But hard as it is to believe, I'm not the arrogant jerk I was back then. Look, Mokuba, it wasn't about everyone else being a loser. Sitting in a room, having to listen to a bunch of other people day after day would have been torture. I didn't need it and I don't just mean because I was smarter than the professors."
Mokuba chuckled. "Yeah. Every time we get together with the gang, you still cut out after an hour or two."
Atem opened his mouth, then closed it and waited to hear what – if anything – Kaiba would say.
"Exactly!" Kaiba reacted with the glee of someone turning over a trap card to win the game. "And you'd be happy to close the joint down every time. You're my brother, not my clone."
Mokuba paused. "I thought you expected me to…"
"If you do something you don't want to just because you think you should, you've learned the wrong lesson."
"I'm the living proof of that," Atem said.
Mokuba paused. "Okay, here's the deal. I go to Domino University so I can come over to Kaiba Corporation when I'm not in school. I'm a fully functional vice president and I intend to live up to my responsibilities. That's non-negotiable."
Kaiba nodded. "I need my vice president at my side."
"I might transfer for a semester if I have a project in another country."
"Agreed."
Mokuba grinned. "I get to spend my time as I want, between here and a student apartment close to the university. No security cameras. I get to invite whoever I want over."
"Define 'as I want,'" Kaiba countered.
They moved to a table and sat down to something familiar: a business negotiation.
Kaiba had a moment where he was himself again, where he could marvel at how well he'd handled that, where he could be proud of how much he – or some version of himself that he was eager to claim – had grown. He wanted to be that person. He wanted to stay in this world a little longer, he wanted to hear Atem praise him. Instead, Kaiba found himself racing past limbo, shooting forward in time and space, losing himself once again.
Kaiba shook his head as his memories blurred and then re-formed. He was home. He was in his game room, which certainly lived up to its name. He'd just finished designing and assembling the runway. Hologram fairies danced overhead. The latest K-Pop hits blared from the speakers. It was big enough for a dozen dolls to hold a fashion show.
Mokuba's five-year-old daughter, Himari, moved her dolls down the runway in their very own fashion show. Kaiba was sitting on the floor, his legs stretched out in front of him, applauding wildly in his role as the audience. He cheered and threw confetti as each doll reached the end of the catwalk and made her pirouette.
"Nice touch," Atem said. "You're getting some in your hair. It matches the hint of silver."
Kaiba growled.
Atem smirked and went back to throwing a ball to Mokuba's two-year-old son, Yoshio, who chased after it as eagerly as a puppy.
After a dozen dolls had finished their turns, Himari stood up, abandoning them. She walked away, leaving scattered fashion casualties on the runway. "Time for duel monsters!" she announced.
She ran to the toy chest and pulled out a child sized Duel Disk. "Look at my deck!" she ordered, showing her cards: Aqua Sprite, Mystical Elf, Harpie Lady, Harpie Lady's Sisters, Scapegoat, Dog Marron, Cat's Ear Tribe…
Kaiba tried not to grimace at the string of fruit flavored Dark Magician Girls.
"They're girl cards! And their pets!" she said proudly.
"This is the most unplayable deck ever," Kaiba grumbled.
Himari ignored him and smashed her deck into the card holder. She pulled a card out, raised it face outward to the ceiling and yelled, "I play Engagement Destiny in Attack Mode! Turn ended!"
"It's a Spell Card," Kaiba pointed out, groaning. "It doesn't have an Attack Mode."
Himari put her hands on her hips. "I like it!"
Atem looked up at Engagement Destiny's young lovers. "She has you there. I like them too."
She drew another card. "And Scapegoat!"
As soon as the four wooly scapegoats appeared, Yoshio abandoned his ball to chase them around the room. He giggled as they bounced up and down, out of reach.
"Looks like another successful day of babysitting." Mokuba laughed as he entered the room with his wife, Aika.
"It's hard to tell who's having more fun," she agreed.
"Or who made the bigger mess," Mokuba added.
Dinner consisted of Himari and Yoshio's favorite foods followed by their favorite desserts.
"Enough spoiling for one day. Time for bed," Mokuba announced as he and Aika collected their children. Aika got them into their shoes and coats while Mokuba collected their toys.
"See you tomorrow at Kaiba Corporation," Mokuba called out as they headed for their house on the estate.
Kaiba went to the bar, splashed some whiskey in a glass, tossed it back, then poured some more and carried it to the couch, sipping it more slowly this time. "Who knew you could just play with children and then return them when you're tired. I wish someone had told me that little detail when I was raising Mokuba."
"Shush. You're supposed to mellow as you race towards middle age, not get grumpier with each year," Atem reminded Kaiba as he joined him on the couch and took a sip out of Kaiba's glass.
"I haven't hit 40 yet!"
"The clock's ticking upwards fast. You're already sporting a sexy pair of reading glasses. A little more gray hair and pretty soon you'll be the hot silver fox I'm dying to bone."
"Tell me more."
"Your voice has aged well, too."
"Like a fine whiskey?"
"Like sex on ice," Atem purred.
Kaiba scooped up Atem and headed for the staircase. "Start running the bath in the master bedroom," he called out to his smart house. "Warmth setting #3. Add red rose and purple orchid mix."
"Acknowledged."
Kaiba set Atem down at the foot of the stairs.
"Race you," Atem said, taking off before Kaiba had straightened up.
Kaiba leapt to join him, taking the stairs two at a time, arriving at the top first.
"Giraffe legs." But Atem's grumble turned to a shriek as Kaiba picked him up again and carried him through the bedroom into the bathroom. There was another race, one Atem won, to see who could strip first and then they were in the bathtub, breathing in the scented water.
Atem smirked. "You were saying something about my mouth? What are you going to do about it? I hope you're not just all talk."
Kaiba's anticipatory grin had taken decades to perfect. "Dirty talk like that needs a bath."
Atem moved closer until he was straddling Kaiba. He nibbled on Kaiba's ear lobe, smiling as Kaiba moaned. "And I'm feeling particularly filthy right now."
They stared at each other, suddenly back in limbo, still entwined, slipping out of the latest alternative world as if it was a suit that almost, but didn't quite fit. Dark red and deep purple flowers surrounded them. The soft petals caressed their hands and faces, scenting the air bathwater sweet.
Kaiba stared at Atem, mouth open, eyes wide.
They'd been about to fuck.
In a bathtub.
Naked.
They'd done it a lot.
For decades.
It was hard to imagine, even after being there.
This could be his life one day; it could all come true like some antiquated fairy tale.
He'd been effortlessly, casually flirtatious. Filthy, even.
Atem had been so hot and just as eager. It was easy to see Atem would be as stocky as Yugi's grandfather one day. That didn't matter. Just like it hadn't mattered to Atem that Kaiba had needed glasses and was going gray. Atem had looked at him like he was a tree Atem couldn't wait to climb.
Kaiba closed his eyes, remembering Atem's naked body pressed against his, ready for anything Kaiba suggested. But that wasn't the revelation that had Kaiba stunned and gasping for breath, glad to be sitting because he wasn't sure his legs were steady enough to hold him upright.
He'd been loved.
By Atem.
For decades.
Every word, every look, every action had made that clear.
Kaiba tried desperately to think of something to say, something that would match the ease of that older Kaiba, even though he could feel his face heating up. "I couldn't believe the words coming out of our mouths! That was us! That could be us, I mean… you know, me and you."
"I liked that world. I could get used to it," Atem murmured.
Kaiba blushed a deeper red. "Me too. I mean, I'd like to."
"Whatever happens, at least we had this: a chance to see how our lives could be." Atem paused. "If I'd truly left after the Ceremonial Duel, would you have come after me?"
"If I'd arrived 5 minutes later, just in time to see you walk through that door? Yeah." Kaiba snorted. His color returned to normal. "I bet I wouldn't have even known why. I probably would've been hurtling through dimensions insisting it was for a duel. But yeah, I would've come."
"I'm glad."
"What? That I would have followed you like a toy on a pull string?" Kaiba asked, half joking, but the edge in his words gave away the other half.
"Even if it was rage that carried you to me, even if you arrived spitting out my name as if it was poison on your tongue, knowing that you care is what matters. Maybe it's selfish, but knowing I'm too crucial for you to let go… it makes me happy." Atem flushed. "I walked away from you without looking back. I'm glad I got the chance to show you, on world after world, that you matter to me as well."
"It wasn't just that. You made me question the rules I lived by: whether losing meant death, if the miracle of friendship could possibly be real. And then you left, taking all of that with you. I'm glad we got a chance to get it back."
"So am I." Atem paused. "That last world. I want that life."
"So do I," Kaiba said. "But I don't want it given to me. I want it to be something we've struggled and fought and bled for."
"Otherwise, it's like skipping ahead to battle the final boss," Atem agreed. "It's cheating. I want that world so badly. But I want it to be something we built together." Atem kissed Kaiba. "I never realized before what it was like to want something selfishly, crazily, desperately, something just for me."
"Sometimes I feel like all I've ever known is hunger. With you, I want to learn to have, to exist, without needing to prove I've earned every crumb of happiness. I want to learn to accept." Kaiba paused. His face flushed. "I'm glad we didn't… I'm glad we left before…" Kaiba took a breath and waited for Atem's laughter. When it didn't come, he blurted out, "I wanted to, but I didn't want my… our first time…"
"To be their 100th?" Atem asked, the laughter finally breaking through his voice.
"Yeah."
"Neither did I. It wouldn't feel right, not until we're finally home, not unless we're us." He leaned forward and kissed Kaiba with all the heat of a first kiss, with all the warmth of a hundredth. "Some things are worth waiting for. But I hope it's not too long a wait."
"I can't figure out what's wrong," Kaiba admitted.
"We're getting closer," Atem reminded him.
Kaiba frowned. He stood up and started pacing. Atem bit back a smile, watching Kaiba race through the decision tree in his mind. The last two worlds had shown Atem the one mistake Kaiba had made, the one thing he'd inevitably leave out of his calculations.
Atem stood up as well and waited. Kaiba had come so far. He deserved to put the final piece of the puzzle in place himself.
"I was wrong," Kaiba said.
"Amazing! Recognizing it twice in one journey!"
Kaiba glared at him. "I'm serious."
Atem hugged him. "I know. Tell me."
"I thought I could get us there myself. I used your duel disk as a secondary power source. But that skewed the navigation." Kaiba hung his head. "I can't do it alone. I'm dragging us slightly off course. I need a counter-weight."
"You need the opposite side of the coin."
Kaiba smiled and leaned his head on top of Atem's. "Yes." He stepped back and looked into Atem's eyes. "We both know your pineapple." Kaiba chuckled. "He even has the hair to match."
"Kaiba…" Atem started.
"He's your strongest memory of the time and place we're aiming for."
Kaiba knelt in the flowers. They had broad red petals, with a hint of orange fire that melted into deeper tones. Their elongated white pistils reached out, as if to draw Kaiba and Atem into their future. Kaiba stripped the duel disk from Atem's arm. He fiddled with it while Atem watched, then closed the casing, stood up and slid it back on Atem's arm.
Kaiba raised Atem's hand, turned it over and kissed his wrist, just below the duel disk. "If you want to get back to the moment when the Ceremonial Duel ended in our world, if you want a choice about where to go from there, you need to remember Yugi on his knees, bawling his eyes out, in the moment of his triumph. Clear your mind of everything but your pineapple and steer to him."
Kaiba slid his own duel disk off and bent over it. "Just wait for me to adjust mine as well. Get ready. Once I allow this baby to draw a little more power, it'll be time to try again."
Atem nodded. He tried to calm down, even as a whirlwind of emotions swept through his frame. He tried to focus on Yugi, but his thoughts were of Mahaad and Mana and that glimpse of an after-life he'd seen. He wished…
Atem blinked and suddenly he was in the after-life, as if Kaiba had never intervened, as if they'd never seen any of those other worlds, as if he'd never come to know himself – or Kaiba. A light was all around him. His council was bowing in welcome; he was about to be surrounded by his old comrades. He was in his destined home, for all eternity, to live a life of unchanging perfection.
It was everything he'd been told he should want, and it was all happening too soon. He suddenly knew, somewhere deep in his bones, that eternity is best approached after a life thoroughly lived; that the flower world they'd inhabited was formless because the blossoms were never allowed to age and decay, the petals never turned brown and returned to the earth.
He glanced around but Kaiba wasn't there. He swiveled, hurriedly surveying his surroundings, waiting for Kaiba to pop up, grab his arm and lead him away. "Why didn't Kaiba stop me?" he thought before realizing that was the wrong question.
Kaiba wasn't his keeper any more than Yugi had been. This was his decision and always had been. "No. Not yet," he pleaded.
As the words left his lips the vision faded and he was safely back in limbo. He sank to his knees gasping for air.
Kaiba looked up from his duel disk at the sound. Atem chuckled weakly, realizing Kaiba had been too absorbed in his project to realize Atem had blinked in and out of time.
"I set an alarm on my Duel Disk for 15 minutes. It'll start counting when I put it on. If it goes off, we've reached home. I think I've figured out how to draw more power from our brains. We're either getting back or burning out." Kaiba laughed. "No promises which ends up happening."
Horakhty appeared again, shining above them against a brilliant blue sky. Stars swept in to surround her. "May you travel safely."
"You again? Are you trying to claim credit for my work?" Kaiba snapped.
"Ah, but where does technology end and magic begin?" She smiled at Atem. "You have a body. You have a choice. The gods will abide by whatever decision you make, before you are called to the halls of Ma'at for your final judgment and your final home. One caution only among our good wishes: You may return to the world you left, but it might not be yours in the way you expected."
"I don't understand," Atem said. "Why would it have changed?"
Horakhty smiled. "Who said it has?" she asked as she vanished.
Kaiba ignored her disappearance. He stood up, still holding his Duel Disk, hesitating.
Atem watched him. "What is it, Seto?"
"You said you didn't want me." There was a hint of a question in Kaiba's voice.
"I said that back when we first arrived in limbo!" Atem came up to Kaiba and cupped Kaiba's face in his hands, guiding him to look Atem in the eyes. "But even pharaohs get to change their minds."
Kaiba nodded into Atem's hands. He bit his lip, then eased his teeth back, erasing the gesture.
Atem felt as if multiple doors were opening before him. He went through one and saw Kaiba, feet planted shoulder length apart, arms crossed, forbidding entrance, his shadow streaming behind him, invincible and invulnerable… another door, another Kaiba: a frightened child casting shadow puppets on the wall in a desperate attempt to seem bigger, to drown his own defenselessness in illusion.
Atem wanted to hug both Kaibas to him.
He embraced the one standing in front of him, the Kaiba still holding a Duel Disk awkwardly against his chest.
"I want something better for you than being tied to the past," Atem whispered. "I want more for myself, as well. After everything, do you still have so little trust?"
Kaiba felt a cliff opening at his feet. He retreated, then slapped on his Duel Disk and nodded, ready to step forward into the unknown, with Atem by his side. Kaiba held out his hand, trusting Atem would take it. They gripped arms in a parody of their accidental embrace as they came through the door and into limbo lifetimes ago. They closed their eyes, brows drawn together, as if their facial contortions could help to steer towards the right pineapples.
.
Thanks to Bnomiko for betaing this chapter!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I loved the idea that both Atem and Kaiba needed to be equal partners in getting home.
One thing that's always gotten to me about the Ceremonial Duel is how young Atem is; that he dies twice without ever getting to live. Regardless of how idyllic the after-life looks, it still seems like a tragedy to me. I wanted to give Atem the chance to view his after-life, sort of a last chance to decide what he wants.
Name Note: I wanted to give Mokuba's wife and children names that had symbolic meanings I liked. As far as I could determine, Mokuba's wife's name, Aika, means "love song," and I picked it because I think he deserves a love song in his life. I thought Mokuba would want very happy names for his children, because I think that's what would be most important to him, so I went with Himari (sunshine flower, sunflower) for their daughter and Yoshio (happy, joyful, lucky) for their son.
Stay safe everyone!
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To paraphrase Louise Rosenblatt, "A story's just ink on the page until a reader comes along to give it life." This is my way of saying that I'd really like to hear what you think. Please comment.