Hey everyone, hope you're all doing great!

Sorry for the delay, the week's been crazy, packed with work... hopefully I can get ahead of it and update again during the week.

Thanks so much for your reviews and just for taking the time to read. I truly mean it when I say it means so much.

Hope you enjoy this update!

Happy reading and happy birthday Marina!!

Xoxo,

Nina

She couldn't believe he was there with her, when she needed him the most and didn't even have to tell him about it, he just knew.

Kim thanked him for being there over and over until he grabbed both her hands and asked her to stop.

"I'm happy to be here, it's where I needed to be." He leant forward and kissed her forehead.

"What about that family gathering you had?"

"Well, the reason why I wanted to go was to feel better and the more thought I put into it the more doubts I had. I knew I wanted to support you, but I also didn't want to smother you so it was confusing. I wasn't going to feel good knowing that you were going through this day alone. I can only imagine how moving it must be." He looked down for a second and found her eyes again. Big, beautiful and full of hope. "But to be honest I can't take all the credit for being here. I had a very nice chat with a friend who helped me see things from a different perspective."

It was unusual for him to be alone at Molly's, a familiar face was always hanging around, but not today.

He wasn't at all disappointed by that, he wanted some time to himself, to think things over and to connect with his actual feelings and fears. Downing his second bottle of beer he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Alone with your thoughts?" Jay asked as he sat down next to him and placed two more bottles of beer on the table.

"I guess you can put it like that. Did your future wife send you to check on me?" Halstead chuckled and took a pull of his drink.

"She didn't. But she might have mentioned something about your plans for this weekend. Ruz, you know we don't want to butt in your private life or anything like that, it's just that we're all concerned. When the clown of the bullpen disappears we know something's wrong, we can't see you like this bro. We're your family and we're here for you."

"I know man. I appreciate it." He moved his bottle around trying to put his thoughts in order. "I just don't know what to do. I know what I want, but what if that's not the best for her? I feel so stupid telling you this, but I literally never felt like this for any other woman. I'm just lost and scared and I feel like nothing I could do will make her feel ok."

"Why would you feel stupid? Do you think I didn't go through that with Hailey? Don't get me wrong, what I had with Erin was great, but when Hailey came into the picture, she shook everything up. I get you, I know how scary that can be."

"And then there's the whole ex-boyfriend thing. Can I even consider him an ex given the situation?" His question was honest and he sounded frustrated as fuck. "I don't know what to do. I can't compete with her memories of him, because I'll never be enough, you know? And at the same time, I'm trying to step away but I can't. So I have no fucking clue right now."

"It's a tough place to be at, mate. Listen, I have no clue what Kim is going through because luckily I didn't have to experience something like that with a girlfriend, but I did lose many many close friends, friends I even considered as family." He took a deep breath, because even though he came back from that nightmare, dealing with his memories and reliving all that trauma was still hard on him. "When you love someone who dies in service, it's tough. You have to deal with the pain of losing a loved one and you have to deal with guilt. You feel guilty, because ultimately that person died for you to live. That life was the cost of our freedom, that life was the cost of our happiness. It's a damn heavy weight to carry on your shoulders." Adam looked at him attentively while Jay took a brief break and had a drink. "I can't speak for her because we all have different processes; for me though, although time did help, it's a pain and a feeling that kind of stays with you forever, you just learn how to live with it. Some days you're fine and others you struggle a bit. But you get through it and slowly you understand you need to move on. You have to. She'll get there man." He said that last part squeezing his shoulder tightly. "And what you said about not being enough. That's bullshit. You can't stay away from her just as much as she can't stay away from you. Based on what you've told me and what Hailey shared from that time she went for drinks with Kim, I think what's making this whole thing even harder for her is the fact that she cares about you. And if you ask me you are the perfect person for her to be with. You're enough, and she needs you. The best thing you can give her right now is your love, support and most of all understanding."

"I do understand." Adam said almost defeated.

"I know you do, man. Just let her know that. Look I don't know much about her, but I do know about you and Hailey and both of you seem fascinated by her, especially you. That's all I need to know to tell you that it's worth trying. I know this is extremely hard for you, but I can also assure you that it's no walk in the park for her either."

"I know and I wish you knew her better, 'cus she really is amazing." He couldn't hide the smile on his face every time he thought about the positive things."

"I'm sure I'll get to see more of her." Jay said with a smile. "Speaking of which." He dropped two cards on the table. Both of them were facing down. "Hailey asked if I could please bring these by." Adam took one of the envelopes and saw his name written on it. As he opened it he found Jay and Hailey's wedding invitation.

"Thank you! I'll be there, no way on earth will I miss it." He carefully examined the card. "No plus one, Hailey must really have no faith in me." He said with a light chuckle. Comment to which Jay just smiled as he turned the other card over revealing the name written on it. Nope, it wasn't Kevin's.

"She does. We all do, in both of you. That being said, you do know Hailey."

"Yeah, I know. She doesn't want to leave me any room to screw up."

"Exactly." Jay agreed.

"Thanks Jay. I guess I really needed to have this conversation."

"No problem, man. We're family and I'm here for you, no matter what. Hope it helped."

"Yeah. It totally did." Those were Adam's last words before lightly hugging his friend.

Talking with Jay not only gave him another perspective, but it also helped him get his own thoughts straight. He was in love with her, he wanted to protect her and give her comfort, to help her feel safe and happy. It was too late to expect that being away from her was actually possible. He was all in and he wanted to be there whichever way she would have him.

Both glasses of wine were served and placed on her coffee table, but neither of them were drinking. Kim wasn't crying anymore; her one arm was wrapped around his waist and she had her head resting on his chest, the rising and falling of his breathing calmed her down. Adam just stayed there and slowly ran his hand up and down her back leaving a kiss on the top of her head now and then. When she slowly started to sit up straight, she got all his attention.

"Can we talk?" Kim asked shyly.

"Sure."

"Ok. Um, there's a lot in my head so it might be kind of confusing."

"I'm all ears."

She took a deep breath and waited a few seconds to speak. "This is hard for me. Emotional detachment has never been my forte, and in this case where there wasn't a decision to end things, it just happened, it's just worse. It took a while for me to acknowledge the fact that it was ok for me to have some fun. Well, a while and Brett's constant nagging." They both chuckled, it was nice because they needed to loosen up a little.

"And during those times, I did have fun and that's all it was. There was no major conflict and there was no guilt." Adam could only guess where her speech was going and he hated that idea, but if she wanted to put a real and definite end to what they had, he had no choice but to respect her decision. "Then you came out of nowhere, and you turned my world upside down. I tried to be distant, I tried to be professional, I tried being only your friend, but you were this massive and unstoppable force. You shook me up, Adam. You made me feel again and after being numb for all these years, I was terrified of everything that was going on inside me." He looked down and she took his hand in hers trying to get him to look at her again, and he did. "I realized that those previous hookups brought no real discomfort, but also they didn't bring happiness, or joy, or excitement because I didn't care. Because I wasn't invested. Because unconsciously I was still in a relationship with Andrew and whoever it was that was with me here, was purely a physical thing, nothing else.

You on the other hand. Gosh." She paused for a second. "This is so hard with you, because I care so deeply about you, because I am invested in this and because I want a real relationship with you." She chucked before speaking again. "I know maybe this is too much information but if we're doing this I need to be super clear." He chuckled too and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He was actually fighting the urge to kiss her right now, but it wasn't the right time. "The only way I can start building something real with you is by finally saying goodbye to him. It hurts, but I know I have to, I know he'd want me to and I know you are the only one I want to do this with. Andrew will always be important, I'll always love him because he's a part of who I am, but I'm ready to do this if you're willing to go down this road with me."

He didn't have to say anything, he grabbed her face between his hands and crashed his lips against hers three times. The light sparking in their eyes was magical.

"Kim, I know how hard this is for you. I've never been in your exact situation, but I've lost people and I know how heavy that weight is." He took her hands in his And continued. "After the night of the Gala, which was incredible by the way." Kim blushed and looked down, it had been an amazing night indeed. "The aftermath of that night, it broke my heart. I had no idea what I had done wrong, I didn't know how to help you, I wasn't sure what you wanted from me. Kim I was so scared. Scared of losing you, scared of not being what you need, scared of never living up to Andrew's standards. I'd never been so at loss in my life, romantically wise anyway. You said I shook you, Kim I have no fucking idea what you did to me, but I've never felt this for anyone. I discovered this new side of me that I didn't know but that I really like." He smiled and rubbed his thumb against her knuckles. "I'm scared of not being enough for you."

"Adam, stop. You're more than that, and I have never ever compared you to Andrew. You're the man I want to be with right now." She cupped his cheek with her hand. "You make me so happy and I refuse to lose you. I couldn't take that."

"I don't want to lose you either." He said in almost a whisper.

"Well, I'm glad we're on the same page about that."

"You bet." She leant towards him and he found her half way. This time the kiss was real, it was intense but delicate and packed with emotions. When they pulled away they couldn't erase the smiles on their faces. He held her and pulled her back against his chest. He wanted to feel like he was protecting her and she was happy feeling at home.

"So, how was your dinner?"

"It was great actually. Susan and George are very nice people. They're like family to me, so you'll be hearing about them." He smiled at that comment as she was drawing random shapes on his chest with her index finger. "I told them about you. I mean they already knew you existed because of Grace, I told them about us."

"Really?"

"Uh huh."

"What did they say?"

"They were happy about it." She placed her hand down on his chest, buying herself some time. "And they're kind of looking forward to meeting you. I mean you don't have to or anything."

"We could do that."

"Yeah?"

"Sure. They're important to you, so I'm up for it." She smiled and felt like her heart was about to explode. She didn't care anymore, she was going for it.

"Adam?"

"Yes."

"Would you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course." She hugged him tight and left a quick peck on his neck.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"Adam?"

He laughed at her sounding like a 6 year old and she chuckled too.

"Yes." He finally replied.

"I love you." He didn't expect that but he loved hearing it. He sat up straight and looked her in the eye. His lopsided grin was challenging Kim's self control because she only wanted to capture his lips right now.

"I love you too. You have no idea how much."