After leaving Dr. Carr's office the previous morning, Callie spent most of the day researching PTSD, trauma, and what to look for if someone you know may be experiencing symptoms of PTSD. Some of it she knew, some of it was new information, but nearly all of it applied to Arizona at certain points during what she believed to be her recovery. What she was just now learning however, was that was only her physical healing, her mental and emotional concerns have taken years to recognize and treat. When she was finished reading, Callie found herself angry all over again, it was like she said to her therapist, she'd seen the signs every day, but in her mind, Arizona's feelings, her responses seemed perfectly natural for someone who went through an amputation. What she didn't take into consideration, what no one seemed to think about, was the plane crash itself. She wasn't just angry with herself, but also with Hunt, Bailey, Webber, with all of them who didn't realize or recognize her wife and their other colleagues were not okay. Then she started to wonder if it wasn't like Grey said, in the aftermath of the crash, everyone was just trying to get back to normal, focus on treating the outward injuries and they didn't notice or didn't want to see what was right in front of them either. She knew she had to let go of the anger, for her sake, for her own healing, but also for Arizona's. It would do no good to lament over something she couldn't change. The most important thing was that Arizona was being treated now, she was getting the help she needed and she was healing and in a much better place. In the end, that's what mattered, and if she went on one of her rants, it might set her ex-wife back.
That didn't stop the little bit of anger, the desire to say something, to rise up from somewhere deep within, when she arrived at work early Friday morning. Rather than do that, take her anger out on some unsuspecting colleague, as soon as she finished her rounds and checked the board for her schedule, she went straight to her lab to work on something she knew would calm her down, help her put things into perspective. She was being sincere when she told Dr. Dettloff that The Robotic Limb Project was therapeutic for her. It kept her mind and her hands busy, it challenged her in a way nothing else did, and it made her feel a sense of accomplishment at each stage of development. Having a clearer understanding of why Arizona was so opposed to it, why it caused so much dissension in their marriage, being able to tell her ex-wife she never intended to make her feel as if she were trying to fix her or make her who she used to be and to actually be heard this time, it took a large weight from her shoulders. It removed the elephant from the room for her and unlike other times she'd worked on the project, she didn't feel the heaviness of the guilt weighing down on her today.
Finished soldering the last wire to the hand she created for Dr. Dettloff, she set it off to the side to let everything rest and give her welds time to set before she tested it. Using the measurements she'd taken from each of the patients she'd met with last week, combined with the scans from their medical records, she had enough data to begin putting together a prototype for each of them. She knew they'd have to be adjusted, but she'd have something to work with the next time they met. It was a tedious process, placing each sensor in the socket so it lined up with their nerve endings and connecting the wires to the joints secure enough to withstand everyday use. In the end however, it gave her a great sense of achievement because after years of research, trial, and error, she'd finally done what she set out to do and that was to create something as close to the real thing as possible and better than anything else on the market.
Deciding one prototype was all she had time for today since she had surgeries scheduled for the afternoon, she started cleaning up her work area when her gaze wandered to the end of the table for what must have been the hundredth time. Whenever she worked on her robotic limbs, she told herself she took out the prototype of the left leg to use as a model, and sometimes that was true. She'd always used it to add her latest updates, to make sure it could withstand the strength test, the endurance test, to ensure that it wasn't too heavy or too light, and though she knew it would never be used, she made certain it was the best of the best of anything she ever created. She knew deep down though, she used it as inspiration, as a reason to keep working, to be able to help others in a way that she failed her wife. She picked up her prized limb, put it back in its specially designed case, and locked it in the closet. Looking up at the clock on the wall, she saw that it was nearly 1:00 pm and decided to go down to the cafeteria and get some lunch before her first surgery.
Callie swiped her badge to pay for her lunch, picked up her tray and turned to find a place to sit. Looking straight ahead, a couple tables in, she saw Meredith waving her hand to call her over. As soon as she sat down, her friend leaned in and whispered, "Did you spend the night?" Furrowing her brow in confusion, Callie asked, "What the hell are you talking about?" Meredith hissed, "The other day when you called and asked me to keep Sofia, did you spend the night with Robbins?" Callie put her cup down, rubbed her hand over her face and sighed, "No, I did not spend the night. Look, I told you, we are talking through our shit. I started a new trial and while I was at the meeting with the director, I realized the timeline of Arizona and I becoming friends and me starting this trial was too coincidental. So I stopped by her place to tell her about it and to explain I in no way expected her to participate, I wasn't trying to fix her and…" "Oooh did it start a fight?" Meredith asked. Callie shook her head and replied, "No, she was actually happy for me. It did start a conversation though, a very emotional one and we just decided that neither of us would be in any condition to take care of Sofia. I'm not going to go into details but I will say, these talks have helped us both start to heal, to really heal from the damage we caused one another." The general surgeon studied her friend who was normally an over-sharer, so the fact that she wasn't talking meant whatever was happening between the two ex-wives must be extremely personal.
They continued to eat their lunch, fell into their usual banter, sharing gossip, and Grey was just about to tell Callie about the grant meeting when someone came to stand in front of their table. They both stopped talking and looked up to see the redheaded resident standing over them with a shy hesitant smile. She looked straight at Callie and greeted, "Hey Callie." The ortho surgeon sat back in her chair and wondered why after all this time Penny was approaching her. They'd barely seen each other, even in the O.R. She lifted her cup, took a drink and replied cooly, "Penny." Meredith would swear she saw the young woman flinch, however, she persisted, "I ah, I was wondering if you'd like to get together tonight for drinks." Callie arched her brow while Meredith's eyes widened in surprise. Callie asked, "Why would I want to have drinks with you?" Penny could feel her heart aching, she didn't know why it still hurt so bad or why she expected a different answer, but she replied, "I just, I'm leaving for New York next week, I won the Preminger Grant and I just wanted to say good-bye. Ya know, away from here." Callie took a sip of her drink and replied, "I can't, I have Sofia."
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Arizona scrubbed out of her surgery, stuck her scrub cap in her pocket, and splashed a little cold water on her face. She was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. After her talk with Ginnie the morning before and finding out she was in the midst of a PTSD blackout when she cheated on her wife, she was called to the pit and still hasn't had time to think about it, to unpack it, figure out how she feels about it. Then when she got to the pit and realized she'd be working with a very hostile and confrontational April Kepner all day, it only made things worse. Not to mention the case itself found them in a position where they were legally bound not to tell a parent her child was pregnant and Kepner did so anyway. They found the roles reversed and her friend refused to admit it was a difficult situation to be in no matter the circumstances. At the end of the day however, she found herself in another sticky situation, carrying another secret, this one far worse. April had just filed a restraining order against Jackson. So honestly, when did she have time to think about her own problems? Pushing off the sink, she left the scrub room and decided she needed to get something to eat and maybe a caffeine boost.
As she walked down the hall, she saw two interns huddled together, complaining about something, she assumed, based on the tones of their voices. Getting closer, she heard Wilson say, "I just can't believe she lied to our faces and said she wasn't even going to apply." Then Edwards declared, "I'm still convinced they only awarded it to her to get her out of here now that she doesn't have Torres to protect her. I mean, look who was on the committee, Shepherd, Grey, and Karev." Arizona quickly turned the corner, not wanting to hear anymore. From what she did hear, she quickly figured out Penny was awarded the Preminger Grant and the other residents were none too happy about it. In her mind, rightfully so. They were both excellent students and not only learned quickly but retained the information. They were also eager to do anything that was asked of them. Penny, on the other hand, was skittish, hesitant to take initiative, and mediocre at best. Still, it didn't stop her from wondering how Callie would take the news. She hasn't mentioned her ex-girlfriend, or even talked to her as far as she knew, it's almost like she disappeared.
When she stepped onto the elevator, she had another thought, triggered by something Edwards said. If Callie were still dating the resident, would she have gotten the grant? If she did get the grant, would Callie move there with her? She shook those thoughts from her mind. Though Callie was a different person a month ago, actually the entire time she was with Penny, she admitted she never loved the other woman and she just couldn't imagine her uprooting her life and leaving her home, especially since they had Sofia now. She and Callie were in love and living together when she received the Carter Madison Grant and Callie threw a fit about going to Africa. She nearly laughed at the idea of Callie following a resident to New York, it was so ridiculous to her. When the elevator reached the lobby, she stepped off and headed straight to the cafeteria, realizing she was hungrier than she thought she was. As soon as she reached the line, she turned to see she was going to find out firsthand how Callie felt about Penny leaving for New York since she just saw the young woman approach the table where Callie and Grey were sitting.
She was half-listening to the conversation and had to admit, she kind of felt bad for the young resident. She knew the tone Callie was using. She'd been on the other side of that tone and it wasn't the best experience in the world. When she heard her use Sofia as an excuse, she could almost tell what was coming next. Either Mer would offer to take her, or…yep there it was. "Can't Arizona watch her?" Penny asked. Arizona shook her head; this girl didn't know when to quit. Hearing a hand slap down on the table, Arizona whipped around just in time to see Callie standing up, red-faced, her nostrils flaring as she declared, "No, Arizona can not WATCH her because she is her MOTHER, not her babysitter. But that's on me for using my kid as an excuse…again. I don't want to get drinks with you Penny. We said our goodbyes. Good luck in New York." Arizona watched as the defeated woman scurried away, then looked up and locked eyes with her ex-wife who seemed almost remorseful that she had to witness that. Shocked at the entire scene, Meredith turned to see who Callie was looking at, though she had a pretty good idea, smiled to herself, then waved Arizona over to join them.
After paying for her food, Arizona joined the other two surgeons at the table and as soon as she sat down, she and Callie both asked, "Are you okay?" Then they laughed and Arizona replied, "I'm good, thank you for saying that." Callie shook her head and said, "I'm okay, I don't even know what made her come up to me. I haven't even talked to her since we broke up." Meredith put her hand on Arizona's arm and empathized, "I don't know if she meant it in the same way but I get it all the time with Zola. People think I'm her nanny or foster mom or anything but her parent. I get so angry. Oh and the first time we went out with Maggie and someone told her she had a beautiful daughter, I almost lost my shit." Arizona nodded and replied, "Oh, trust me, I know what you mean." Callie interjected, "I went batshit crazy on this lady in the park who actually gave Arizona her number because they were looking for a new nanny. She said she was so good with Sofia." Meredith flinched and shared, "After five years, you get used to it but it still hurts." Arizona popped a fry in her mouth and realized that Callie must have reacted that way with Penny because of the talk they had a couple of weeks ago.
Looking at the two women, Meredith asked, "Who has Sof this weekend? The kids are begging to go back to that new pizza place again and I guess their Grand Opening is tomorrow and they will be giving away all kinds of prizes." Callie finished chewing and answered, "I do, but there's no reason we can't both go. I did pull Arizona away last time." Arizona looked up, slightly surprised by the invitation and asked, "Are you sure?" Callie nodded and suggested, "Absolutely and isn't it right by that big mall? She needs new spring and summer clothes; she's grown out of nearly everything. She'd love it if we both took her. We could go before or after, depending on when we want to be at the pizza place." Meredith took a bite of her salad and watched the exchange like a tennis match, her eyes darting back and forth. She honestly had no idea what these conversations were about, but she could definitely see the healing. She also felt the relief that came with being in the same room with the two women and not being overwhelmed by the tension, the fake smiles, and the subtle jabs. Feeling the vibration in her pocket, she pulled out her pager and declared, "Gotta go save lives. I'll text you both the time, but I'm thinking around noon." Callie and Arizona both nodded and said goodbye.
Biting into a carrot, Arizona proclaimed, "Oh! Ginnie came to see you yesterday. Actually she came to see both of us because I called her and asked to meet with her just before you came to see me." Callie tilted her head and asked, "Is her hand already giving her trouble because…" Arizona shook her head, effectively cutting her off and answered, "No, she was going to bow out of the trial." Callie scowled and declared, "Of course, after I just finished the prototype of her hand." Now distracted, Arizona asked excitedly, "You did? So quickly? That's awesome, you're amazing." Callie tried to fight the warmth she felt at hearing Arizona's praises once again, but it just felt too good. Remembering what they were talking about, she said, "Thanks but I guess it doesn't matter now…" Arizona was quick to add, "No, no it does. She was only going to take herself out of the trial because she thought it would be a conflict of interest. She didn't realize who you were until you started talking and some of the things I told her about you started clicking with her, like the fact that you created the sensors and the mind-mapping. But I told her when she told me how much trouble the hand was giving her, I almost told her not to join this new trial and to make an appointment with you." Callie couldn't help the mega-watt smile that bloomed across her face and asked, "You did?" Arizona put the rest of her carrot in her mouth, chewed it up, and replied, "Of course I did, you're the best."
Callie took a drink of her pop and asked, "Just so we're clear, she's staying in." Arizona laughed and answered, "She's staying in on the condition that you two don't compare notes about me." Callie smirked and responded, "That's a tough promise to keep. What else ya got?" Arizona threw a napkin at her then sobered and informed her, "I ah, I also talked to her about the other thing." Callie inhaled deeply, she knew exactly what Arizona was talking about and though she had come to the realization that it didn't matter to her either way because she had truly found forgiveness, she knew it mattered to Arizona. Leaning forward, her arms crossed in front of her on the table, she asked, "Do you want to tell me what she said?" Arizona nodded and shared, "It was weird. When I told her, um, the details, it wasn't at all like when I told you. When I told her, it's like I went back there, like I was seeing it all over again. I told her how different the two experiences felt, telling you and telling her. She said that it could have been different because we were here where it happened and when I told you, well…it was you and you kept me grounded, made me feel safe. But she agreed with you. She told me that the way I told her the details was a form of dissociation within itself, like I stepped outside myself and was watching it happen all over again. She said that…um, that night and what happened in my office when Miranda found me were both dissociation." The brunette lifted her arms, rubbed her face, linked her fingers, rested her chin on her joined hands, and asked, "How do you feel about that?" Arizona sighed and answered, "Honestly, I don't know. Right after she told me, I got called to the pit, worked on that case with Kepner all day, which was hell in its own right, went home and focused on Sofia, and haven't taken the time to think about it." The blonde wasn't sure how Callie would respond to that answer. In the past, she would have said just knowing should be enough, there was nothing to think about. She half expected that to come next. She wasn't at all prepared for what did happen though.
Callie knew, for Arizona, taking the time to think things through and analyze them was extremely important. Being one who always acted on impulse, she never understood that and it caused many arguments between them. She didn't get that until recently, but going through her own emotional turmoil, she realized it really was necessary and quite eye-opening to take time to process. This though, this was huge, finally coming to terms with what she did and taking responsibility for cheating must have been a long and difficult process, but to then discover that she didn't do it of her own free will…she knew it was something Arizona would have to take some time to deal with. Looking at her watch, she tried to figure out her schedule in her mind, then asked, "What do you have left to do today?" Arizona shook her head and replied, "Nothing really, I was going to go into my office and catch up on paperwork." Callie suggested, "Why don't you take it home with you. I'll be done in time to pick up Sof from school and if she has anything at your house she needs, we can get it tomorrow. Take some time for you." Arizona knew the expression on her face reflected the shock she felt inside, the instant Callie leaned in, lowered her voice and regretfully declared, "Arizona, I know I haven't always appreciated your need to take time to think and reflect and I'm sorry for that. I understand now how critical it is for all of us to do that. This though, I can't imagine how you must be feeling and I know if it stays bottled up without you getting time to deal with it, well…I really don't know what could happen, but I don't want you to have any setbacks. I want you to take the time you need."
Arizona smiled softly, she wasn't exactly sure what was causing the changes in Callie or how they were happening so quickly, but they were evident and she was proud of her ex-wife for trying so hard. Nodding, she stated, "Thank you for that. I think I will take your advice, gather my things and head home." Both women stood, collected their trays, walked toward the entrance and Callie offered, "Since you're on the way, why don't we pick you up tomorrow. Whatever time Grey tells us, just expect me 30 minutes before then." Arizona dumped her tray in the garbage can, turned and smirked at Callie and quipped, "I'll see you twenty minutes before the time she says then." Callie dumped her tray and retorted, "Hey! I've gotten better with time." Arizona laughed and returned, "But your daughter hasn't." Callie stuffed her hands in the pockets of her white coat and argued, "Oh she's my daughter now?" Arizona chirped, "Yup! When it comes to punctuality she is." Callie chuckled, shoved at her shoulder and ordered, "Go home." Arizona giggled and replied, "You don't have to tell me twice. I'll see you tomorrow. Have Sof call me before bedtime." Callie held up her hand in acknowledgement as she walked away.
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As soon as Arizona got home, though it was still fairly early in the afternoon, she poured herself half a glass of white wine and went straight to the bathroom to run herself a bath. When she got the temperature of the water exactly how she liked it, she poured in some lavender bath salts, pulled her hair up into a loose bun, turned on some relaxing music, took off her clothes, set the wine where she knew she could reach it, then sat on the edge of the tub to remove her leg, and let out a loud sigh when she finally lowered herself into the hot water. She closed her eyes, rested her head against the wall, and for several long minutes, allowed the heat of the water to soothe her aching muscles and the gentle rhythm of the music to clear her mind. She willed herself to let go of all the tension, all the stress, all the bad energy she'd been carrying with her for the past few days. This was something she'd learned in therapy. It wasn't an easy process in the beginning, especially for someone who bottled up her emotions but now she tried to do it every day. If she couldn't get to it in the morning, she was determined to do it at night so she could have a more restful sleep.
Finally feeling relaxed, she opened her eyes, took a sip of her wine, and as she often did, ran her hand up and down her shortened limb. Right after the amputation, she did it to relieve the pain. After that, she did it to try to come to terms with it. Now she did it as a form of acceptance, a reminder that this was her body and she was still beautiful, still desirable, still capable, still needed, and still relevant. For so long, she'd allowed herself to believe otherwise, she'd allowed her depression, the darkness she felt looming over her, to tell her the opposite and she'd come to believe it. She believed it so much that she'd convinced herself those were the reasons she'd cheated. The Arizona I married never would have cheated. When Callie first said those words, she knew they were true, yet she'd convinced herself that she had turned into a different person, she was no longer that Arizona, she'd lost the values that were ingrained in her, she was no longer a good man in a storm. The very thing she took pride in, the motto she'd built her life around, failed her when she needed it most, it failed her and it failed her wife.
To realize now, to understand now, the one thing that never made sense, the one thing she could never find a good explanation for, the thing that destroyed her marriage was out of her control was troubling to say the least. It's okay to lose control, Arizona. It wasn't okay though; it was never okay to lose control. That was another thing she'd always prided herself on, her ability to stay calm, to remain in control during the most difficult situations. She wondered if that was the trigger or if it was a culmination of the thunder, the lights going out, and those words that caused her mind to just…what…go somewhere else? It would make more sense. When they were on the plane, it simultaneously went dark and they heard a loud crash, which must have been the plane breaking apart. When she woke up, she had no control, she couldn't move, she couldn't help anyone, for the first time in her life, she was reliant on others. Just before she stepped on that plane, before that crash and the darkness, it was the last time she was in control of her own life, her own actions, and she was on the plane because she lost control of her emotions. No, it was never okay to lose control.
Taking another drink of her wine, this one a little bigger, Arizona exhaled slowly, practiced her breathing exercises to keep herself grounded and in the moment, and focused on Callie's words once again. The Arizona I married never would have cheated. She wanted so badly to believe that, to believe that her moral compass wasn't broken. So she couldn't lie and say she wasn't relieved when Ginnie confirmed Callie's theory that she'd experienced a PTSD blackout, that she didn't willingly go in that room and knowingly break her wife's heart and destroy their marriage. What she struggled with though, was the fact that even though her mind and her emotions may have shut down, they may not have been engaged, her body was, her body which was vowed to her wife, her body still broke those vows. That didn't make her any less culpable, any less remorseful, and it didn't take away the pain Callie felt all these years, the pain she'd caused. They may have a better understanding of what happened that night and if it helps Callie, if it relieves her of just a little of that pain, then that's what's most important to her. In her mind however, nothing has changed other than the fact that she's had more of these blackout episodes that she wasn't even aware of.
Feeling the water start to cool, Arizona realized she'd made herself tense again and decided to let the tub drain and ran more hot water. She finished off her wine and allowed herself to sit back and clear her mind once again. The next time she opened her eyes, it was because she felt a chill and realized she must have fallen asleep, the water wasn't even warm, it had cooled completely and it looked like the sun had just set. Lifting herself from the tub, she dried off her residual limb, slipped on her prosthetic, and quickly went into her room to put on some warm soft sweats. Checking her phone, she saw that she had two messages, one from Meredith and one from Callie, not a minute later.
Grey: I think we will stick with noon right when they open. Maggie says that's when they'll be giving away the good prizes.
Callie: Just for your smart comment earlier, we'll be there at 9:30 am, don't eat breakfast.
She laughed at both messages, set her alarm for 8:30 am, then went into the kitchen to find something for dinner.
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Arizona was still putting in her earrings when the doorbell chimed at 9:29 am. She was certain she had another ten minutes before Callie would show up. Rushing to the door, earring in hand, she swung it open and greeted, "Hey, come in, just give me a minute." Callie laughed and accused, "You didn't think we'd make it! I told you Sof." Sofia grumbled, "Only cuz you made me wake up and promised pancakes…and mommy." Arizona chuckled, put the back on her earring, slipped on her flats and shrugged, "Technically, I had a minute left. You're early. See, 9:30 am and I'm ready." She then bent down in front of Sofia and asked, "Does mommy get a hug grumpy pants?" This got a smile out of the little brunette and she wrapped her arms around Arizona's neck and greeted, "Hi mommy. I'm happy you're coming with us today." Arizona stood up, picked up her purse and replied, "Me too little miss. Now let's go get those pancakes." She waited until they were all out of the house and shut and locked the door behind them.
While they were waiting for their order, Callie sipped her coffee and asked, "How was the rest of your afternoon?" Arizona sighed, "Oh my God, soooo relaxing, I went home and headed straight for the bathtub. I took such a long bath; I had to drain it and reheat the water." Callie laughed, shook her head, and commented, "I'm happy to see some things never change. Let me guess, lavender bath salts, or did you use the essential oils?" Arizona tasted her coffee, added a little more sugar, and muttered, "The bath salts, then I fell asleep and woke up to a tub full of cold water." Callie scowled and scolded, "You know that's dangerous! How many times have I told you…" Arizona argued, "It's not like I do it on purpose." She then deepened her voice and finished, "Oh let me fill a tub full of water, that looks like a good place to take a nap." Callie snorted, actually snorted her coffee out of her nose, then grumbled, "Don't make that stupid voice while I'm drinking." Sofia giggled as her mommies argued back and forth. She knew they weren't really fighting and they were fun to watch.
When their food arrived, Sofia exclaimed, "Look at my pancake. It has whip cream hair, strawberry eyes, a blueberry nose, and banana slices for a mouth." She then reached for the syrup and Callie quickly took it out of her hand and declared, "I'll take that. You'll drown the poor guy." Then she muttered under her breath, "Not to mention, you don't need all the extra sugar." Sofia pouted and whined, "Can't mommy put the syrup on?" Callie looked across the table at Arizona whose eyes were dancing with excitement as she poured the sticky gooey liquid sugar all over her stack of pancakes which were already covered in whipped cream. Looking back at her daughter, she answered, "Not a chance." Hearing this, Arizona scowled at her and defended, "I'm not so heavy handed with her." Callie put her fork in her mouth and replied, "Mmmhmmm."
The three ate in silence until they started to get full, then Sofia asked Callie, "What's the surprise? Can you tell me now that mommy's here?" Callie wiped her mouth with her napkin, took a drink of her coffee, and answered, "Well, mommy and I figured since you were becoming such a big girl and growing out of everything you own, we'd take you shopping for some new spring and summer clothes." Sofia looked from Callie to Arizona and a huge grin formed on her face as she asked, "Like together? We're all going to go shopping?" Arizona nodded and replied, "We are. We have nearly two hours before we have to meet Meredith for lunch, so we figured we'd go to the mall and get you all ready for the warmer weather." Sofia bounced in her seat, clapped her sticky hands together, and exclaimed, "Yay! This is going to be so much fun. We've never been shopping together before." Both women looked at one another sadly, knowing they had been shopping together, many, many times, their daughter was just too young to remember it.
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Meredith and Maggie sat in the parking lot waiting for Callie or Arizona to arrive when Maggie turned to her sister and asked quietly, "Are you sure this was such a good idea? I mean, don't they hate each other?" Meredith shook her head and replied, "Not anymore, I mean, I don't think they ever really did, they just had to work through some things." Maggie cringed and said, "I'm sorry, I know they're your friends, but it's just so uncomfortable being in the same room with them. I was in the same O.R. with them once and I wanted to cut out my own heart to stop the pain." Meredith laughed and declared, "It will be fine, look, they even came in the same car." They both got out and started getting the kids out of the car when Callie pulled in next to them. She no sooner put the car in park when Arizona hopped out of the passenger side, complaining, "I've never been so happy to get somewhere in my entire life." Callie got out of the car and argued, "You're just being dramatic." Meredith looked at Maggie and whispered, "Or not."
Arizona opened the back passenger side door, helped Sofia out and proclaimed, "Next time, I'm driving." Callie rolled her eyes and protested, "It wasn't that bad." Arizona agreed, "You're right, it was fine until you invoked that stupid rule." Callie threw her hands in the air and defended, "It was your rule!" Arizona put her hands on her hips and stated, "Well it was a stupid one and it was eight years ago. It should be null and void by now." Callie huffed and argued, "You can't just overrule a rule that was made eight years ago because you no longer agree with it." Arizona asked, "Why not? A president is only allowed two terms. That's eight years." Maggie whispered, "She's got a point." Arizona glared at Callie and asked, "When did you start listening to country music anyway? Do you know what they say happens when you play country music backwards? The dog lives, the truck starts, and the girl comes back!"
Meredith laughed and asked, "Are they really fighting about music?" Maggie asked, "Are they really fighting?" Callie bit back her laughter, she knew putting on that station would get Arizona riled up. She declared, "It doesn't matter when I started listening to it. You made the rule, the driver gets to choose the music." Arizona huffed, "Unless it's country! Do you know who listens to country? My parents Callie. My parents listen to country. You weren't even sing…OH MY GOD! You did that on purpose." She watched Callie burst into laughter then ran towards her and started hitting her, yelling, "I can't believe you." Callie was laughing so hard, she could barely get out, "Your little girly hands don't hurt, keep going." By this time, they were all laughing, including the kids, and Maggie turned to Meredith and declared, "They're kinda funny together." Meredith nodded and replied, "You should have seen them when they were together together. They were sickening and funny."
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Fortunately for the group, they arrived right as the doors opened and were able to get a table large enough to seat all of them. The place filled up fast and only the first fifty kids who arrived received the special prize bags which Zola and Sofia were currently emptying out onto the table. Maggie and Callie decided to go order the food, Meredith was holding Ellis who was content with staring at all the flashing lights, and Bailey climbed onto Arizona's lap with his bag. Slightly surprised her shy son made such a bold move, Meredith watched as the fetal surgeon took out each item and made Bailey tell her what it was. They played with it for a few seconds, then moved on to the next toy. The general surgeon furrowed her brow in confusion when Bailey looked up to Arizona and asked, "Why you no come play wif me anymore?" Arizona smiled and answered, "Because mama is all better now and she can take care of you much better than I can." Bailey stuck out his bottom lip and pouted, "But mama don't help me build towers and knock 'em down wif my trucks." Arizona brushed her hand through his hair and assured, "I bet she would if you asked." Bailey shook his head and argued, "It's not the same. You come play wif me." Arizona chuckled and replied, "Okay, how about this, next weekend when I have Sofia, if mama says it's okay, you and your sister can come have a sleep over and you can bring your blocks and your truck." Completely unaware the conversation was being monitored, Arizona looked up to see three sets of eyes watching her.
Bailey looked at his mama excitedly and asked, "Mama, I go to A'zona's house?" Meredith looked at Arizona questioningly, saw the other woman smile and nod, then answered, "Sure honey, you and Zola can go to Arizona's house next weekend." He scurried off her lap and went to tell his sister his big news, leaving Arizona in the hot seat. Meredith looked at Arizona and asked, "What was that all about?" Maggie replied for her, "Ahh, I may have freaked out a little bit, being new to this whole auntie thing and asked Arizona to help me with the kids while you were in the hospital." Arizona nodded and added, "I would stop by at night to help get the kids in bed and on the days I had Sofia, I would take her over to play with Zola to help keep her mind off things and I would play with Bailey." Meredith gasped and asked, "Is that why you were the one who brought them to the hospital to see me? And why Ellis clung to you like she did the last time we were here?" Arizona smiled and nodded, "Yeah, we got a little attached to each other." She took a drink of her pop, she felt slightly uncomfortable with the attention she was receiving right now and could feel Callie staring at her as well.
Callie was just as surprised as Meredith to hear this. Of course she was too wrapped up in her own life at the time to think about what Arizona was doing or to even think about helping out with her friend's children, which in retrospect made her feel horrible, but this, hearing this made her see her ex-wife in a different light. She looked at Arizona in awe and declared, "I didn't know you did that." Arizona didn't know what to say to that, at the time they weren't speaking very much unless it involved Sofia, so she didn't say anything and just shrugged. Meredith shook her head, reached out with her free hand and said, "I didn't know either, thank you so much, really." Arizona smiled and replied, "It was my pleasure…well, not the reason, but I enjoyed being with your kids. They're great kids." Meredith couldn't help but feel that guilt rise up again. She honestly didn't know the depths of Arizona's kindness and generosity and was just now realizing her own ignorance for only focusing on one side of things.
Seeing Arizona was getting uncomfortable, Callie clapped her hands together and asked, "Who wants to play some games?" All three kids popped up out of their seats screaming, "I do, I do!" Callie reached into her purse, took her credit card out of her wallet, and exclaimed, "Come on then." Maggie muttered, "She has no idea what she's getting herself into." Arizona laughed and replied, "Are you kidding? She'll run these kids ragged. Callie loves places like this." Meredith laughed and recalled, "Oh yeah, do you remember that night we all went to the batting cages and she made us stick around until she won enough tickets to get that stupid little stuffed elephant?" Arizona defended, "Hey, Mr. Wrinkles wasn't stupid. She won him for me because I was outvoted. I wanted to go bowling." The general surgeon laughed and asked, "Could you honestly see Yang in a pair of bowling shoes?" Arizona tilted her head and asked, "Why do you think I wanted to go bowling?" Grey threw her head back and laughed, proclaiming, "Oh, you've got an evil streak in you." Arizona smirked, bit down on her straw and replied, "You have no idea."
"Oh dancing!" Maggie yelled out of nowhere. Both Arizona and Meredith snapped their heads in her direction and she pointed at the machine that wasn't here the last time they came and declared, "They have one of those dancing games. You watch the screen and the floor tiles light up and it gets faster and faster. Who's coming with me?" Right after she said that, she realized who she was asking and wanted to sink into the ground. Meredith shook her head and replied, "Count me out. I only dance with at least a fifth of tequila in my system." Arizona looked at the machine, down at her leg, then up at Maggie and proclaimed, "I'll give it a try." Both of the other surgeons looked at her and asked, "You will?" Arizona shrugged and replied, "Sure, why not? If I fall, there's an ortho surgeon around here somewhere." Meredith laughed, surprised by both the fact that Arizona volunteered to play the game and the joke. Before Arizona could change her mind, Maggie stood up and practically dragged her to the counter to buy a game card.
Once they started playing, they both fumbled their way through the first game and Arizona was happy to see it wasn't just her making a fool of herself. Meredith watched from the table, trying not to laugh too hard so she didn't wake Ellis. When they started playing the second game, they both did a little better. Maggie convinced Arizona to play a third game and while the younger woman had a rough time keeping up with the rhythm of the music, Arizona had finally hit her groove and was performing all the steps. Meredith sat in her seat, watching her friend shine, she was convinced she was actually glowing. She was so enthralled with what Arizona was doing, she startled when she heard a voice next to her ask, "What are you smiling so big about?" Meredith murmured, "Robbins is back," and pointed at the game in front of her where Arizona was still dancing and Maggie had been knocked out a few minutes before. Callie furrowed her brow in confusion, followed the direction of her finger, saw Arizona on the little stage, moving her feet and hips to the rhythm of the music, actually drawing a small crowd of kids, and whispered, "Well I'll be damned."
When they could no longer see because of the people standing in front of them, Callie, Meredith, and the kids moved closer and worked their way to the front. They got there just in time to see the last few steps when the song came to an end and the game declared, "You are a Dancing Queen." When the words 'Game Over' scrolled across the screen, some of the kids clapped, Sofia, Zola, and Bailey all let out whoops they thought were whistles, and Meredith, Callie, and Maggie, yelled and congratulated her. Arizona just slumped against the bar, out of breath, and murmured, "Oh thank God it's over." Callie laughed, took her arm, and said, "Come on dancing queen, the food is here." Arizona looked up and gasped out, "Water and a chair." Maggie laughed and said, "I can't believe you beat me. I'm a great dancer." Meredith shook her head and retorted, "Sorry Mags, she didn't beat you, she kicked your ass and Arizona is an amazing dancer." Remembering their first date and all the dances they've shared during their time together, Callie replied, "She really is." Arizona shook her head and argued, "I've only started running, this is the first time I've danced since…" She stopped to think for a minute then remembered, "Since we went out for our first wedding anniversary." Though it shouldn't please Callie to hear that, for some reason it did. She had no right to be jealous, she knew that, but dancing was their thing and when Arizona danced again…she wanted to…she shook the thought from her head and told herself it was too soon, far too soon.
While they were eating, there were several clowns and people in animal costumes walking around with big carts passing out prizes to all of the kids. Bailey got a remote control car and Sofia and Zola picked matching stuffed unicorns. Even little Ellis got a small stuffed animal. When Callie got up to refill her drink, Maggie reached for the bowl of salad and asked, "Do you think Callie will care if I eat the last of the salad?" Arizona snorted and replied, "Nope, she doesn't like salad." Maggie asked, "How can you not like salad?" Arizona shrugged, "She just doesn't. No salad, no sandwiches, which I also don't like." Meredith tilted her head and said, "Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen her eat either one." Callie took her seat and asked, "Seen who eat what?" Arizona replied, "Seen you eat a salad or a sandwich." Callie scrunched up her nose and asked, "Why the hell would I ever want to do that?" Arizona smirked and gloated, "See, told ya." Both Meredith and Maggie laughed at that. Maggie looked at the two women and could see how they were first attracted to one another and wondered what made them fall apart. She'd heard the rumors, she'd seen the anger, but what she was seeing now, this was nice. Meredith looked at her two friends, saw how much they were enjoying each other again and hoped it lasted. She honestly hoped it turned into more, but not until Torres had given herself more time to heal, to evolve into the person she wanted to become, the person she needed to become for both of their sakes.
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When Callie pulled into Arizona's driveway, she felt a little disappointed that their day had come to an end. She'd really enjoyed the family time together and the time they shared with their friends. Apparently, Arizona felt the same way as she asked, "Did you want to come in for a cup of coffee?" Before Callie even got a chance to say yes, Sofia chimed in, "I need to get my project for school and I want to take my red shirt to mama's so I can wear it with my black pants." Callie shook her head and replied, "I was going to say yes, but it looks like our daughter answered for me." Arizona smiled, happy to hear Callie was going to accept her invitation, got out of the car, and walked toward the house. When they walked in the door, Sofia headed straight for her bedroom and the two women went into the kitchen.
While Arizona was rinsing the coffee pot, Callie replaced the filter, and Arizona started, "So I thought a lot about the whole dissociation thing." Callie leaned against the counter and sincerely offered, "Arizona, you don't have to tell me. I just wanted you to have some time to think about it, to figure out how you feel about it." Arizona poured the carafe of water into the coffee maker, sat it on the warmer, turned, and replied, "I'd like to tell you though. I think it's important for you to know how I feel about it." Callie nodded and watched and waited while Arizona took two mugs from the cabinet. She assumed her ex-wife was gathering her thoughts or her courage, she wasn't sure which. When Arizona turned back around, Callie could see the look of determination in her eyes and knew it was the latter. Arizona started, "You told me the Arizona you married never would have cheated on you." Callie nodded and she continued, "I…the only thing this changed for me is knowing that I didn't willingly, intentionally cheat on you, knowing my moral compass wasn't so broken that I would do that to you or to us. But it scares me that I was broken in other ways, ways we weren't even aware of. What it doesn't change, is the fact that I still cheated, no matter how it happened, my body, which was promised to you and only you, was given to someone else. My mind wasn't in it, my heart wasn't in it, my emotions weren't in it, I was someplace else entirely. But it doesn't take away the pain I caused you, it doesn't take away the damage I did to our marriage, it doesn't take away the regret or remorse I feel. It certainly doesn't take away the anger that lives inside me for having done that to you. If there's anything at all that's good that comes from knowing this, it's that we both have a better understanding of that night and if it brings you at least a little relief, if it takes away a fraction of the pain, then that's what's most important to me."
Callie felt the tears stinging the backs of her eyes, the lump forming in her throat, and understood in that moment how much Arizona truly had changed. She'd changed, but she was her old self at the same time. This was the exact type of answer her Arizona would have given, so it didn't come as quite a shock. Here she was being handed a get out of jail free card and she refused to take it, she continued to take full responsibility and Callie could only respect her all the more for it. Wiping the unshed tears from her eyes, Callie shook her head and replied, "I know this is probably a weird thing for me of all people to say about this subject, but I really respect you for that Arizona and I'm proud of you for fighting your way back, for taking the high road. For the sake of honesty, yes, it does ease some of the pain. It helps to know that you didn't intentionally betray me and our vows. I'd already forgiven you no matter what, you know that, but it helps ease the pain nonetheless." Arizona let out a sigh of relief, nodded her head once, then turned to pour their coffee.
When they sat down at the table with their drinks, Arizona smiled and remarked, "Today was fun." Callie returned the smile and agreed, "It really was." Arizona added, "Even if you did make me listen to country music all the way from the mall." Callie rolled her eyes and stated, "Two songs Arizona, it was a five minute ride." Arizona sipped her coffee, smirked, and replied, "Two songs too many." Callie groaned and finally agreed, "I know, it was killing me. Like I was literally dying inside." Arizona laughed and chirped, "That's what you get. You need to think your pranks through better next time." Callie raised her brow and asked, "Oh, so there will be a next time? You'll get in the car with me again?" Arizona shrugged and replied, "I'll think about it." Callie drank the last of her coffee, set the cup on the table, then smiled brightly at Arizona. The blonde looked at her questioningly and asked, "Why are you smiling at me like that?" Callie just kept smiling and replied, "God this feels good." Arizona smiled then too and answered, "Yeah, it really does."
A/N: Thank you all for the great reviews. The last chapters have been so heavy, here's a little fun and fluff for you. The next few chapters should be a little more equal.
As always, Shonda is queen and she owns everything.