It Is So Easy

by Forever Calzona

Callie and Arizona have had a rocky relationship at best. Two years after their divorce, Callie is dating someone new and something happens that puts things into perspective for Callie and makes her wonder if she is too late to try again. Has too much time passed? Have too many things come between them?

22. Chapter 22

After the first hour of sitting with Cayden, her eyes trained on the monitors, her fingertips resting on his chest so she could feel any signs of distress, Callie finally started to relax when she noticed his numbers had remained stable and his breathing was slow and steady, indicating he was sleeping peacefully. She knew some of that, the fact that he was resting, was due to the anesthetic still in his system. Most of it, however, the fact that he was alive and breathing at all, was because of Arizona's ability to remain calm, even in the most dire of situations, her quick thinking in the way she used whatever was on hand to keep the baby alive, and the way she commanded the room and inspired the rest of them to do the same. Looking down at the shiny metal plate laying against the translucent skin of the baby's neck, Callie was reminded of her own role in saving the tiny life and felt the little flip in her stomach when she recalled Arizona's words…I couldn't have saved Cayden if it weren't for you.

She thought about how quickly she was able to create the small tracheostomy valve and neckplate, and though at the time, she felt nothing but desperation, an overwhelming need to not disappoint her ex-wife, to help her save the baby, now she realized she hadn't felt so inspired, so driven and determined to create a fix, to think outside of the box, in quite some time. Though she performed surgery every day, had her own unique way of doing things, and knew she was still at the top of her field, she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this…accomplished. Finally allowing herself to truly study the pieces of metal she'd welded together, she felt the now unfamiliar feeling, the great satisfaction she once got from coming up with things like this on the fly, doing something no one else could do or would even think of doing when staring at some scraps of metal. Feeling a small smile cross her lips, she realized what she was feeling was her confidence returning, the knowledge that she still had it in her, and even though this was as far removed from ortho as she could get, she slowly felt that badass surgeon returning, piece by piece.

Hearing the steady beeping of the monitors, Callie decided she could relax her vigil and take a little break, walk around the room, and stretch her legs. Though she'd tried, and admittedly failed a few times, not to let her eyes stray from the patient while she was watching over him, she now found herself drawn to the glass partition separating her from her ex-wife. She couldn't help but think about the symbolism of that as it related to their personal relationship. She couldn't count the number of times she'd looked at Arizona recently and wondered about the last time they'd really looked at each other, made eye contact, the last time she saw her ex-wife as anything other than just that…her ex-wife, the woman who broke her heart. For so long, she'd looked at her and saw nothing but the walls they'd built up between them, walls that didn't allow them to see past the hurt or anger, because in reality, that was the cement that held the barriers between them together, the combination of hurt, anger, tension, resentment, and so, so much pain. Given all that, it was hard to see anything else.

She'd thought it had only been since the plane crash, since Arizona woke up to find her leg had been amputated, that the barrier had been slowly building between them. What she'd learned recently though, was that those figurative bricks had slowly been being added for years. Since their first fight, each argument, each mishap, each tragedy, one or both of them slowly built up their defenses without even realizing they were doing it. It wasn't until the wall was so high and so thick that they could no longer see one another, no longer recognize who they were as individuals and as a couple that she even allowed herself to acknowledge it was there. She fought it every step of the way, she fought Arizona who clearly saw it, thus her request to go to therapy. Until that point, she looked around it, over it, through the small cracks within it, trying to push through, to no avail. When it got to the point that she looked in the mirror and could no longer recognize who she was, when she looked at her wife and felt as if she were seeing a stranger…that's when she knew it was time to leave, for all of their sakes.

Callie couldn't actually recall her thinking at the time. Her head and her heart were both in shambles. The last thing she wanted to do was leave her wife when she knew there was so much love between them, buried within those walls. Looking back though, she realized that maybe she hoped that with time and distance, those walls would crack on their own, maybe fall little by little, and they'd be able to work at tearing them down. She wondered then, for the first time since she walked away from Dr. Dawson's office, if she intended to stay away. She wondered if a part of her hoped that just the fear of them separating would be enough to make the walls crumble. The exact opposite happened though. In the two years since their divorce, the defenses had grown almost impenetrable and they didn't even see each other anymore, at all. They didn't see that despite their separation, they were still causing each other pain, still harboring all of those emotions, and what's worse was they both seemed to just accept the fact that this wall would always stand between them. Arizona said it herself; she'd never expected them to have these conversations, so she did her best to find her own closure. Callie found herself really struggling with the fact that though she was the one who left so they could heal, she never even attempted to look for closure for herself. To her, the wall that stood between them and protected them from the hurt, from the pain, from each other, served as her only closure.

She wasn't sure when it happened, she supposed it started the day Arizona confronted her about Penny, but piece by piece, the bricks started to fall. With that one emotion-fueled conversation where everything finally bubbled to the surface for both of them, the cracks in the walls of their defenses started to show and this time, rather than build them back up, something within each of them allowed them to start to crumble. Innately they knew it was time and mutually decided to tear them down together. The painful and difficult conversations they'd had, served as sledgehammers, slowly shattering their defenses and revealing the long hidden feelings of anger, resentment, pain, sadness, and regret. Along with that though, came the memories of happier times, the reminders of what brought them together and kept them together, the rebuilding or unearthing of a bond that was once so strong, it seemed nothing could break it.

Staring through the glass at the sleeping form, Callie could also see her own reflection and took a moment to compare the images she could finally see after so many years. They'd both dealt with things in their own ways. For at least a year after their separation and divorce, they'd each done what they did best. Callie pushed through, refusing to acknowledge that leaving didn't take the pain away, and Arizona ran from it, buried herself in her work and focused upon their daughter. She ran until reality caught up with her in the form of a plane crashing in Seattle, discovering the truth about her amputation that Callie never intended her to know about, and the resulting episode of PTSD that neither of them recognized existed. Though she couldn't imagine the hell Arizona went through in the beginning, her healing was now glaringly obvious. If Callie had taken the time to notice, to try to penetrate the walls sooner, she may have seen for herself that Arizona had truly begun to heal, that there was something different about her, a peace that she hadn't seen before. Though the blonde was hidden in the shadows, nearly buried by the thin blanket, Callie could see that peace, the acceptance, emanating from her sleeping form. The smooth creamy skin on that beautiful face was no longer crinkled in sleep, marred by the nightmares and dreams that surely haunted her for years due to PTSD and depression, and her body was no longer coiled, ready to snap at a moment's notice. Though two years had passed, she'd aged very little, the permanent creases in her forehead and between her brows were no longer visible, the smile lines around her mouth and eyes were deeper, indicating that she'd found her happy place again. It was then that realization dawned, that her own words slammed into her chest…I want so much for you Arizona…I want you to feel free too. Arizona found her freedom and she'd found it from within.

Looking at her own reflection, Callie could see that she'd lost weight, her skin no longer glowed, she almost looked gaunt. Her shoulders seemed to have taken on a permanent slouch as if she carried the weight of the world on her back and heard her own words again as they pertained to herself…Maybe instead of loving you so hard, I should love me. She already knew she hadn't done that, she hadn't taken the time to love herself, to find the inner happiness she thought she'd been missing out on. Except for when she was with her daughter and on the rare occasion that she felt true joy, her smile, one she was so often complimented for, one that used to draw people in, was almost nonexistent. Even with Penny, despite her own proclamations, she wasn't the happiest she'd ever been and now she wondered if she were happy at all or if it was just a façade, a way of convincing herself she'd made the right choice.

Feeling a shiver run down her spine at that thought, Callie found it almost disconcerting that the times in the most recent weeks that she felt the happiest, that she felt her smile bloom and radiate warmth from the inside out, was when she spent time with Arizona. Even in the midst of their most difficult discussions, they found something to smile about, they found laughter, they found joy again. She ran her hand down her face and wasn't sure she wanted to give too much thought to that at the moment. What was most important to her was that the hard work, the heavy lifting between them…she hoped, seemed to be over, the brick wall had been destroyed, and all that was left was this glass wall. They could see in, they were seeing each other again, learning things they never allowed themselves to hear before, sharing things they never felt they could, and though it was painful, downright horrifying at times, they also saw themselves as the other saw them. They were able to watch the other from a distance, look when no one was watching, and at least in her case, long for a day when they could cross that barrier, knock down the last vestiges of protection that stood between them and approach each other without fear or hesitation.

Callie had finally admitted to herself that no matter what it looked like, she wanted them to reach that point when they no longer felt the need to keep the other at a distance. But they were in a good place right now and for once, she didn't feel the desire to push for more. No, for once in her life, Callie Torres was going to sit back and see how things played out. She knew she still had a lot of soul searching to do, a lot of personal healing to undergo, and she knew it would take some time, a long time, before she felt whole again, before she could look at herself in the mirror and feel happy for the sake of being happy.

Sighing heavily, Callie pressed her forehead against the cool glass and acknowledged that she was just now learning there were pieces of herself she didn't like, actions and reactions that she was ashamed of and before she would truly feel internally happy, she had to change those behaviors, and in order to do that, she had to understand what the driving force behind them was. Turning back to look at Cayden, the little boy who, unbeknownst to her until this morning, was named after her own son, Callie was reminded of one of those times in which she behaved the worst. It was definitely not a stellar moment for her and the more those walls were torn down between her and Arizona, the more she understood how her actions caused her wife to start building them up. She knew the conversation was coming, it was needed, she owed her ex-wife the opportunity to talk to her about their son…or the unborn baby Arizona had decided was a boy, Cayden Mattias…fighter and gift from God. What she didn't know is if she could handle that conversation, if she could survive it knowing how horribly she dealt with it and ultimately, what that loss led to, even if Arizona herself would never acknowledge that her depression and PTSD, stemming from that loss, were driving forces behind her actions that followed.

Crossing the room, Callie sat on the stool, pulled herself close to the incubator, rested her head on her arm, reached inside the small opening and ran two fingers along the tiny bare chest, which was now far less congested. Thinking of the many times she sat with Sofia just like this, Callie could no longer hold in her tears as she stared at the baby who looked so much like their daughter and was named after their son. For her, children always seemed to be the biggest barrier between them and if she had to admit it, which she knew she did, that was when her own walls started to go up. Yet again, they were there erroneously as it turns out there was no need for them. She built them to protect herself from the day Arizona would realize this wasn't her dream and walk away. Yet it was the exact opposite, though she never knew the truth until recently. Arizona was the one who fought to bring their daughter into this world. She was there for her every step of the way with Sofia. She fought for that baby girl, even against Mark, because she knew Callie would be destroyed if she woke up from her coma and learned she'd lost her child…their child. Arizona fought to protect them both and she made sure their little girl took her first breath and kept breathing.

Then again, Arizona always fought for her, fought to protect her, to protect their relationship, her happiness, even when she herself didn't see it that way. Even though it backfired horrendously, Callie was trying to protect her wife by not telling her Alex cut off her leg. The tears continued to flow as visions of the various times they held one another, stood up for one another, protected one another, passed before her eyes. Her last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were questions of when exactly they stopped protecting each other and instead felt the need to protect themselves against the other.

XXXX

In the outer prep room, heavy lids slowly fluttered open, revealing cloudy blue eyes glazed over with fatigue. Blinking several times to clear the fog in her brain, Arizona looked around the darkened room to try to get her bearings. She had no idea how long she'd been asleep but based upon the dim lights peeking through the small window in the door and reflecting off the linoleum floors through the privacy curtain, she knew it was later in the evening when the hospital went quiet and the bright lights were lowered, so as not to disturb sleeping patients. It was actually one of her favorite parts of working in a hospital; when everything was quiet and dark and she could take time to breathe, to think, to process the events of the day. Finally recalling where she was, Arizona's eyes snapped into the isolation room, which was completely dark, save the glow from the monitors and the light box which was used to view scans. Though she briefly glanced at the heart monitor, her focus was immediately drawn to the unmistakable figure of her ex-wife sitting on a stool with her head resting on her forearm which was lying across the top of the incubator, while the other hand was inserted through the small opening on the side of the crib, splayed across the tiny baby's chest. She couldn't tell for sure, but by the slow rise and fall of the other woman's back, she appeared to have fallen asleep.

Arizona felt the flutter in her stomach at waking up to the sight of the ortho surgeon once again and rather than fight it or ignore it, she allowed it since it was a sight she'd missed more than she cared to acknowledge. Though she knew the circumstances were completely different, everything about her life was completely different now, the fact that her most favorite thing in the world was waking up to Callie's presence, was something that had never changed. Allowing herself just a few minutes to observe her ex-wife without fear of getting caught, Arizona couldn't help but reflect upon how sweet and supportive Callie had been all day. If she were being honest, it was a little overwhelming and slightly confusing. They were friends now, or she'd like to think they were, but this felt…different.

From the moment she searched her out in the chapel to check on her, Callie seemed to be there every time she needed her the most. She created that tracheostomy tube in a matter of minutes with scraps from her lab, reminiscent of the badass ortho surgeon who could see a need and fill it almost instantaneously, stood by to watch her perform the surgery, brought her dinner, tended to her leg, and made sure she got some sleep. It was all so…familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. She couldn't recall the last time she'd felt so taken care of, so cherished…her inner voice argued that she did though, she recalled it just before she went to sleep. Though she knew there were many times after that night in the x-ray room that Callie had taken care of her like that, it was that night, that memory which stayed in her mind, because it was the first time she'd allowed herself to see what her wife saw when she looked at her after the amputation and if she wasn't mistaken, saw traces of that same look, those same feelings while she was caring for her earlier in the evening.

Letting out a soft sigh, Arizona pulled herself to a sitting position, ran her hands through her sleep tousled hair and though she tried to fight it, her eyes kept wandering into the other room. She knew Callie couldn't be comfortable like that and she smiled as she thought about the many nights she'd found her wife in a patient's room, half asleep, keeping watch over them. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd tried to convince her to come home with her or at least go to an on-call room and always wound up losing that battle. She'd ended up winning the war though, when her wife agreed to allow her to bring her something to eat and smiled at her lazily, already half asleep when she covered her with a blanket. It was just something they did, something they'd always done, and though it seemed simple, it meant so much to be on both the giving and the receiving end of a love like that.

Reaching for her leg, Arizona slipped it on and secured it, checked the bandages which her ex-wife so tenderly wrapped around her wounded thigh, and wondered exactly when it was they stopped taking care of one another, when it no longer became their first priority. She wondered if they stopped doing it intentionally, if at some point they no longer felt the need nor the desire to take care of each other and just…didn't or was it that they didn't feel like they could? Though in other relationships, she'd always been the nurturer, the strong one, they'd learned early on that they both loved taking those few extra steps to show their love and affection through their actions, something as simple as bringing coffee and scones or as meaningful as climbing into bed behind the other when they'd acquired a childhood disease. Deciding not to dwell on that fact, but to remedy it instead, to take that extra step to show Callie she was appreciated, cared for, Arizona quietly stood from the bed, put her scrub pants back on, and slipped out the door.

XXXX

Upon hearing the glass door slide open, Callie's head snapped up, and she turned to see Arizona standing in the doorway waving her into the prep room. Feeling the blush creep up her face, embarrassed that she'd fallen asleep and seemed to have been drooling, the brunette wiped her mouth, checked the monitors for any change, then joined her ex-wife in the other room. The aroma of the rich dark roast coffee wafting through the air instantly jolted her awake and nearly made her groan in delight. After removing her PPE and washing her hands and face, Callie turned to find the blonde sitting in the exact position she herself had been in the night before. Arizona was sitting on the now sleep rumpled cot, her back against the wall, and on the tray table in front of her, sat a small paper bag and two large cups of coffee. Crossing the room, Callie picked up the cup closest to her, lifted the lid, saw from the deep mocha color that the steaming hot liquid was already prepared the way she liked it, lifted it to her lips, and sighed at the slight burn on the back of her throat as she swallowed the bitter-sweet liquid.

Touched by the gesture, especially after her last thoughts before drifting off, but wanting to keep things light, Callie sat on the small bed next to her ex-wife, turned the tray towards them and teased, "Stealing my moves Robbins?" Not at all realizing how flirty that sounded by the implication that she was even trying to make a move, until she saw a single brow arch in question and a playful smirk dance on bare pink lips, Callie found herself blushing. Charmed by her ex-wife's bashful behavior and wondering if her comment was simply a slip of the tongue, Arizona let her off the hook and returned sincerely, "Just returning a kind gesture to show you how much I appreciate everything you did for me earlier." She watched the genuine smile bloom across full red lips and heard the murmured, "Thank you," before Callie dug into the bag and pulled out the only food she could find at that hour, which ironically enough, happened to be day-old scones and a slice of poundcake. They each looked at the stale sweets sitting on the tray, then at one another, and broke into a fit of giggles, memories of better times, happier times, playing through their minds. For Callie, it was another reminder of her earlier thoughts that she hadn't felt such inner joy in quite some time.

From that point on, conversation flowed easily, Arizona, of course, asking about the baby's progress and Callie filling her in on how he had improved in just the last couple of hours. Crumpling the garbage up, preparing to throw it away, the brunette looked over thoughtfully and asked, "How did you know it would work? Taking out the vent and replacing it with the trach." Arizona took a sip of her coffee, contemplated her response, and finally admitted, "I didn't. I just knew that if I kept the vent in, if he didn't drown first, he'd certainly have lasting damage to his esophagus and quite possibly his lungs. I'd read some research a while back where replacing an intubation tube with a trach for patients with pneumonia was highly successful. Unfortunately when it came to patients of Cayden's age, the only thing that I found was that 2 maybe 3 out of every 10 infants even recovered from VAP, and as his situation worsened, I felt like I had nothing to lose…he was already dying." Hearing the tremor in the fetal surgeon's voice, Callie reached out, covered the small hand that was lying on the bed between them, and offered, "You made the right call Arizona. It was tense and scary to watch so I can't imagine how you felt, but as always, you remained calm and controlled, and you saved that little boy in there…again."

Arizona looked down at their hands and though it was a simple, casual touch, warmth washed through her just the same, and she appreciated Callie's support. Looking up into exhausted dark chocolate eyes, Arizona smiled softly and responded, "Thank you for saying that. It means a lot. I want you to know, it wouldn't have worked if you hadn't thought so quickly and created that trach. It was a team effort." Unable to help herself, Callie slid her hand underneath Arizona's, linked their fingers together, tightened her grip briefly and replied, "For what it's worth, I've missed that, being on your team, working alongside you." Arizona ran her thumb across the back of Callie's hand and returned, "Me too. We always worked well together." Glancing into the other room, knowing she needed to get back in there, Arizona sighed and suggested, "You should go home and get some rest. Thank you for staying and for making me eat and sleep…" She paused, looked down at her leg, then added, "And for fixing up my leg. It feels much better now."

Not expecting the disappointment at the thought of leaving, of going home to an empty house to cause such a jarring reaction, Callie made a split second decision and suggested, "It's pretty late, I think I'll just trade places with you. That way someone else is here…just in case." Oddly, that thought, the idea of Callie staying here with her was more appealing than she cared to admit, and Arizona stood from the bed and to keep herself from exploring her own feelings or the flash of…something she saw in Callie's eyes when she suggested she go home, Arizona collected their trash and answered, "If you're sure you don't mind, I think…um, yeah it would make me feel better to have someone close." She then started washing up and donning her PPE without turning back to look at her ex-wife. If she had though, she would have seen the triumphant smile that spread across Callie's lips. Already lying down, Callie waited until Arizona had entered the isolation room before she turned her face and buried her nose into the pillow her ex-wife had vacated not long ago, and inhaled deeply, soaking up every last drop of the scent that was uniquely Arizona. Though she'd just woken up, she found herself drifting off to sleep again and with Arizona's scent invading her senses, images of her, thoughts of her invaded her mind.

XXXX

Early Wednesday morning while taking her usual laps around the hospital, checking in on every floor, Chief Bailey stopped by the isolation chamber to check on Cayden. As soon as she stepped into the prep room, she came upon the all too familiar sight of the blonde fetal surgeon sitting on the stool, caressing the tiny baby's legs. Sighing, knowing she had to be the bad guy, if even for the blonde's own good, Bailey washed up, put on her gear, and slipped inside the glass partition. She could see the resolve in tired blue eyes before she even opened her mouth and prepared herself for a fight. Using her best no-nonsense tone, Bailey ordered, "Go home Robbins."

Arizona had just finished checking Cayden's stats and was satisfied that he was out of danger. Since the day before, he'd shown more activity, he was moving around, his fragile eyes were responsive to light, and though he was coughing slightly, he was no longer drowning in his own mucus. Though she was still worried about his long term progress, the surprise visitor in the form of her very exuberant daughter bringing her dinner the night before went a long way in reminding her how truly resilient even the tiniest of humans were. Callie claimed she had some work to do in her lab and brought Sofia by to see her, but she knew her ex-wife planned the sneak attack purposely to take her mind off of Cayden and remind her what his future would look like. It turned out, her daughter was the best medicine and she'd felt more positive about the baby's progress. Though she did spend another night at his bedside despite pleas from Callie, Grey, and Karev, she now felt Cayden was out of the woods, and she would finally go home and get some much needed rest as soon as her protégé arrived to relieve her. When she heard the glass door open, revealing a not so happy looking Miranda Bailey, she opened her mouth to tell her she was getting ready to leave soon when she heard the stern, "Go home Robbins," coming from the mouth of her chief.

Taking a deep breath, not having it in her to argue even if she wanted to, Arizona nodded and replied, "I will, as soon as Karev gets here." Surprised that she received no arguments, only cementing the fact that the other surgeon knew she had reached her limit, Bailey nodded, lowered her tone, and clarified, "Now, I'll stay until Karev gets here. You are no good to this child or your own in the state you are in. I don't want to see you until Friday, but I will ensure that you receive hourly updates." Not at all happy about that arrangement, Arizona stood up from the stool and felt both lightheaded and a jolt of pain shoot up her spine when she took her first step and knew her body was screaming for her to follow the directives of her boss. Seeing the grimace on the blonde's face, Miranda tossed her chief hat to the side, rushed to her friend, and asked, "What do you need Robbins? Can you drive?" Arizona closed her eyes to collect herself, nodded, and replied, "I can drive, I just need a minute to get the kinks out. I'll go, but I want it on record that I'm only staying away until Friday because you told me to." The shorter woman smiled, watched her friend limp to the door, and assured, "Duly noted. I'll add it to the other instances in which you were too hard-headed to follow directives until forced to do so." Arizona let out a scoff, then went into the prep room to remove the PPE, which now felt like a second skin to her.

Just as she finished washing up and gathering her things, Arizona looked up to see Meredith Grey walking through the door in street clothes. Smiling tiredly at the taller woman, she was surprised when she took her hand and declared, "This was easier than I thought it would be, I thought I'd have to drag you kicking and screaming, come on, I'm taking you home." Though she'd tried to stop herself from being dragged across the room, Arizona's exhaustion was no match for the other woman, so she weakly protested, "My car is here Meredith, I can drive myself home." The general surgeon turned on her, studied the dark circles under her eyes, the small frame slumped over in exhaustion, and the grimace on her face as she favored her left leg, gripped her elbow tightly, and agreed, "Yes, you are perfectly capable of that act, in this state however, I want to assure that you actually make it there. Maggie is following behind us in my car and once I get you settled, we will leave you alone." Though she tried to hide it, a small smile of appreciation curled at Arizona's lips, she looked up at her unlikely hero, nodded, and agreed, "Fine, but again, I want it on record that I at least put up a fight." Rolling her slate-blue eyes, Meredith smirked and argued, "Fine, but I want it on record that I won that fight." Both blonde's laughed and knowing Arizona needed the excuse, allowing her to save face, Meredith moved to Arizona's left side and pulled her close so she could lean her weight on her without making it look like she was limping. Arizona sighed in relief at just that tiny bit of support, both physical and emotional, and allowed herself to be led down the hall.

Callie had just arrived for her shift when she noticed that Arizona's car was still parked in her assigned spot and based upon the puddles around it and the dry spot underneath, she could tell it still hadn't been moved. Determined to force her ex-wife to go home, even if she had to throw her over her shoulder and carry her out, Callie hopped on the elevator and pushed the button for the NICU. When the door opened and Callie saw the two blondes waiting to step on, she stayed put and as soon as the door closed, leaving the three of them alone, she started in, "Arizona I know you're concerned but you've been here for three days, please…" She was cut off when a pale hand was lifted mere inches from her face, indicating she needed to stop talking, and waited to get yelled at and told to mind her own business. She was rather surprised when the soft, exhausted voice, explained, "I am concerned about my patient, but you are all right, I need to go home and take care of myself. He's out of the woods and I am dead on my feet. Mer is taking me home and Bailey has banned me from being here until Friday." She then looked at Callie and teasingly asked, "Any requirements you'd care to add?" Callie grinned and stated, "Depends, are they going into your imaginary record book?" Arizona smiled inwardly at the question. She'd always stated that she wanted something on record and it had become a running joke amongst the other surgeons at the hospital, to the point that some of them always countered her statement with something equally as ridiculous as her own request. She pushed the button for the lobby, collapsed against the wall, and before she could answer, Meredith asked, "Don't they always?" Callie laughed and ordered, "Fine then, shower instead of bathe, I don't want you drowning." Arizona shook her head at the reminder of their years long argument, then started to step off the elevator when Callie leaned in and whispered, "Yeah, but most definitely shower, you've been here since Sunday." Arizona slapped her on the shoulder, muttered, "Shut up," and let Grey lead her down the hall.

Callie watched as her ex-wife and dear friend walked toward the lobby and approached Maggie who seemed to be waiting for them. Though she was grateful Meredith had stepped in, she wondered what inspired her to reach out to Arizona in the first place. They'd always been friendly but recently, it seemed as though Grey was making more of an effort to further that friendship, to reach out and be supportive. She couldn't quite explain why, but it made her happy to see that, to know that Arizona had people. Realizing she hadn't even gotten her coffee yet; Callie walked to the coffee cart and was reminded of her observations from a few nights ago. Now that those walls were torn down and she was seeing things more clearly, she wondered who Arizona had gone to, who she'd relied on over the past couple of years. Smiling at the young woman behind the cart, she took her cup and started back toward the NICU to check on Cayden before she went to her lab to prepare for her first trial meeting later in the afternoon.

XXXX

By the time Meredith pulled Arizona's car into her driveway, the blonde was fast asleep with her head leaning against the window. Though she hated to do it, she knew she had to wake her up and get her inside. Lifting her hand, she gently shook the other woman's shoulder and softly declared, "Arizona, we're here. Let's get you into the house and tucked into bed." Realizing the car had come to a stop and feeling the slight jostle, Arizona picked up her head, blinked a few times, and realized they were sitting in her driveway. She barely remembered getting into the car and now understood and appreciated why her friend insisted that she be driven home. Smiling softly, she looked at the other blonde, blushed, and admitted, "I guess I was more tired than I thought I was. Thank you Mer, I really appreciate you making sure I got home safely, I know you must be tired after working the night shift." The general surgeon smiled and answered, "Honestly, I was only called in a few hours ago and I'm off today. I was happy to help. Let's get you inside." Arizona nodded, opened the door and let out a pain-filled cry when she attempted to slide her left leg over and get out of the car.

Instantly becoming alarmed, Meredith ran around to the passenger side, afraid to do anything that may cause further harm and asked, "What can I do?" Arizona closed her eyes, took deep shuddering breaths, waited for the pain to subside and asked, "Would you, can you go into my house, to my bedroom, last door on the left, and grab my crutches please?" Maggie, who had already jumped out of Meredith's car to help, volunteered, "I'll do it." She then took the keys from her sister and rushed toward the house. Feeling helpless, knowing this was an extremely delicate situation, Meredith hovered outside the passenger door and watched as her friend clearly debated with herself about what she wanted or needed to do. Seeing the slight nod, indicating she had come to a decision, Meredith waited for further instructions. Arizona knew what she had to do and though it wasn't her first choice, it was the best one. Reaching beside her, she slid the seat back as far as it would go, while explaining, "I'm going to need to take my leg off. I have shorts on under my scrubs, but…I, ah…I can't take it off by myself, my limb is too swollen." Nodding in understanding, Meredith murmured, "Whatever you need."

Surprised that Arizona was even allowing her to help, Meredith did her best to protect her friend's dignity and waited for permission and instruction rather than just reach in and take over. When she saw that the other woman had gotten her pants down as far as she could without needing assistance, Meredith looked into her friend's eyes and while she was expecting to see anger or resentment, she saw nothing but pain and pleading. Receiving the slight nod, she removed her pants completely, then asked, "How do I…" Appreciating the fact that the other surgeon was waiting for her guidance, Arizona took both of her hands, place them on her leg, and instructed, "You need to push this button to release the suction. It's going to feel like you are hurting me, like you don't want to pull hard, but you need to. I'm going to cry out because it hurts like a bitch, but I promise it's nothing like the screams you've already heard from me." Looking down at the blonde, seeing the rueful smile, the slight glint in her eye, Meredith understood that she was attempting to joke, to make her feel more at ease despite the pain she was in, and teased, "All we need is Christina looking for her shoe and it will be just like old times." As soon as those words came out of her mouth, Maggie appeared at the door and called out, "I can only find one crutch." Two sets of blue eyes looked at one another and neither could contain their laughter at the irony of the situation.

In the midst of her fit of giggles, Meredith quipped, "This has to be the most fucked up inside joke two people have ever shared." Arizona wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes, nodded, and replied, "Oh most definitely!" With the tension surrounding the leg broken and the blonde's mind not so focused on her pain, Meredith gave one good tug, and though her friend was right, something about that act just felt so wrong, she was relieved that it came off easier than she expected. Arizona let out a sharp cry, then immediately sighed in relief as the pressure on her leg dissipated and she felt as if she could breathe again. Resting her head against the seat, Arizona sighed out, "Thank you. God, that feels so much better." Staring down at the red and swollen leg, noticing the bandages higher up for the first time, Meredith nodded and asked, "Is there anything we need to do? Should we call Tor…should someone come look at it for you?" Arizona smiled at her friend's concern, she knew there were only a handful of people who realized this was something that wasn't uncommon for her and answered, "No, this is pretty normal. It just happens when I've kept my leg on too long or I'm on my feet a lot. Callie looked at it the other day and tended to the blisters from my other socket. I just need to stay off of it for a day or two, which is why Bailey won't let me come in tomorrow."

Hearing the casual explanation, Meredith looked into clear blue eyes now filled with relief and recognized that this was just another thing Arizona had to deal with on a regular basis. It didn't at all sit well with her that she'd come upon something else she didn't know about the person she'd claimed as her friend and felt her stomach churn at the implications. Breaking herself from her own pity-party, Meredith reached down to help Arizona out of the car and helped her keep her balance until Maggie reached them, now with both crutches in her hands.

Once they were in the house, one which Meredith had never been in before but immediately saw traces of Arizona wherever she looked, the general surgeon wasn't sure if they should just leave or if she should offer to stay and help but the decision was made for her when she heard Arizona's timid voice saying, "I wouldn't normally ask and…you can say no, I know you are both tired too but given the condition of my leg and how tired I am, would you um…could you just stay while I shower? I won't take long and you can help yourself to anything in the fridge, I'd just…I would feel safer." Surprised by the request, as well as the vulnerability she heard in the voice of the woman who was never known to reach out for help, Maggie and Meredith both jumped to answer, "Of course." "Take your time." Arizona sighed in relief, waved her hand to the back of the house and directed, "The kitchen is that way, feel free to make coffee, or a sandwich, or…whatever." Both women nodded then watched as the blonde hobbled down the hall and disappeared into one of the rooms.

Maggie started toward the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee and though she wasn't hungry, she was certain Arizona had to be, so she rummaged through the refrigerator and stumbled her way around the kitchen until she had the ingredients for pancakes and bacon laid out on the counter. She'd been here a couple of times with DeLuca and though she'd never stayed long, she wasn't unfamiliar with the layout of the house. While she was busy putting breakfast together, Meredith was walking around the house trying to learn as much as she could about her new-old friend. Stopping at the wall of pictures, she noticed how many of them contained Mark and Callie and immediately found her sister in the kitchen and asked, "What do you think it means that Arizona has pictures of Callie and Mark hanging in her house?" Maggie cracked an egg into the bowl, shrugged, and replied, "It means she wants her daughter to grow up knowing who her family is. She doesn't want her to think that she can't ask questions about her dad or her other mom and she wants her to know that even though everything is different, she still has a family unit, one that loves her very much."

Meredith furrowed her brow in confusion at her sister's very detailed response, noticed for the first time how comfortable she appeared to be in the other woman's house, and asked, "How do you know all of that and why are you so comfortable here?" Maggie snorted, tilted her head and replied, "DeLuca lived here for a little while, remember? I know all of that about the pictures because I asked her. I did find it strange, given what I knew about her and Torres and rumors I'd heard about Sofia's dad, so…I asked." Meredith just nodded in response, walked to the cabinet, rummaged around for three coffee cups, then poured herself a cup of coffee, sat at the table, and contemplated everything she'd learned in just the simple act of offering a colleague a ride home. She was broken from her thoughts when she heard the unmistakable sound of crutches hitting the wood flooring and looked up to see a fresh-faced Arizona standing in the doorway, smiled, and asked, "Feel better?"

After stepping out of the shower, Arizona redressed her wounds, rubbed the lidocaine lotion all over her residual limb just to dull some of the pain, put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and slowly made her way to the kitchen on her crutches. Though she had intended on thanking her friends then returning to her bed and crashing for as long as she could, the smell of pancakes and bacon wafted through the air and her stomach started rumbling and felt as if it were leaping with joy at the thought of real food. When she reached the kitchen, she found Maggie at the stove plating breakfast, and looked to Meredith who was sitting at the table and answered, "So much better. Thank you for waiting for me. I just…" She cut herself off when Maggie interrupted, "Hey, we get it, last week I fell asleep in the tub and Amelia nearly broke the door down trying to get to me. I made breakfast, I hope that's okay." Realizing that neither woman was going to treat her any differently nor show her any sympathy because of her leg, Arizona smiled gratefully and went to the table to sit down while Maggie served breakfast.

After talking about the emergency that brought the other two surgeons in during the middle of the night, Meredith asked, "So how is our boy?" Just thinking about the tiny baby and how strong he was, how hard he fought, Arizona smiled brightly and replied, "He's doing so much better. He's active and responsive and just in the last three days, he's gained an ounce and a half. He's almost at two pounds now. Neither of the other surgeons missed the pride in her voice nor the little twinkle in her eye when she spoke of the tiny patient. Maggie took a sip of her coffee and commented, "It always amazes me how strong babies are." Meredith smiled and asked, "Did you know Sofia was even smaller than Cayden?" Maggie gasped, looked at Arizona and asked, "Seriously?"

Just hearing her daughter's name made Arizona's entire face light up and her dimples popped when she answered, "One pound, one ounce of strong. She's a fighter just like her mama." Again noticing the pride in Arizona's eyes at the mention of both Sofia and Callie, Meredith added, "I think that's why so many of us are attached to Cayden, he reminds us of Sofia. For me though, I was right there when he was born and I don't know, I feel a little bond with him." Arizona felt that same bond, for the same reasons, and replied, "Well, thanks to that trach Callie built and you and Karev scrambling all over for the right size of tubing, he looks to be well on his way to growing up to be big and strong just like Sof. Hopefully they find him someone to adopt him soon." Meredith didn't know if her friend realized the sadness that had seeped into her voice when she said that last part, and recognized that just maybe, he'd already found a family, they just didn't know it yet. Reaching out, she covered Arizona's hand and assured, "I'm certain he will have an amazing mother come into his life and give him all the love in the world." Arizona took her last bite of pancake and murmured, "I hope so, he deserves it after the struggles he's been through."

Once they had finished with breakfast, against Arizona's protests, Maggie and Meredith cleaned up the kitchen and prepared to leave. Seeing them out, Arizona offered, "Thank you both for bringing me home and for sticking around…and for breakfast. I truly appreciate you." Both women nodded and assured her it was no problem, then Meredith suggested, "Get some rest and take care of yourself." She started to leave then turned back and offered, "I know you've had a tough week; I'll tell Bailey and Zola they can come over some other time. Maybe Sof can stay with us Friday instead." Arizona huffed in frustration and Meredith knew that if she could, the other woman would be placing her hands on her hips as she glared at her and commanded, "You will do no such thing! We have big plans to knock down towers and tall buildings. I'll be fine by Friday." The general surgeon chuckled, waved her hands in front of her and soothed, "Got it, no cancelations. See you Friday." Arizona smiled gratefully and watched as the two women went to their car. Closing the door behind them, she realized she didn't even have the energy to go back into her room. Hobbling into the living room, Arizona lay down on the sofa, pulled the blanket over her, lay down her head and though she briefly wondered what chain of events led to Meredith Grey driving her home, taking care of her leg, and having breakfast with her, exhaustion took over and she was asleep in a matter of minutes.

XXXX

Once she completed her rounds and sat with Cayden for a while, Callie went to her lab to run the final tests on the three prosthetics she'd created for the patients she'd included in her trial from the VA. Rather than take everything with her to The Vet Center and risk not having something she needed, Callie had requested that each of the participants make an appointment to have their new prosthetic limb fitted at the hospital. She was confident that everything was working properly on each of the prototypes, but she always did a final test after she added the silicone padding and cosmetic covering. Looking at the clock, she realized that she had another hour before her first patient came in and she was slightly nervous about meeting with this one patient in particular since she now knew who she was. It was unnerving to her that Ginnie Dettlof knew so much about her and given the circumstances of how she learned that information, she was sure she wasn't painted in the best light. Callie rubbed her hands down her face, sighed, and admitted to herself that given the things she'd come to realize recently, whatever way she was described to the therapist, probably wasn't far off, which was something she intended to address with Dr. Carr in the morning. The only thing she could do in this case though, was to resign herself to the fact that in this scenario, she was the doctor, and the only thing she needed to prove was her own skills as such.

While waiting for the final data, Callie's mind kept wandering back to Arizona and she pulled out the frame of the left leg she'd always used as a test model and quite honestly as her muse. Since waking up Tuesday morning and watching Arizona limp around the isolation room, Callie's brain had been going a mile a minute and she'd spent every spare moment she had, researching other prosthetics and comparing them to her own robotic limbs. Though she told herself it was for her trial, almost had herself convinced of that fact, she couldn't stop seeing the blisters on her ex-wife's thigh, nor wonder exactly what it was about either of her prosthetics that caused her so much pain that she had to limp. She closed her eyes and tried to recall if she were limping when she saw her earlier and realized that Meredith was nearly holding her up. At the time, she thought it was because of how tired she must have been, but now that she thought about it, she knew it was because of the pain she was in.

Both of Arizona's prosthetics were top of the line and contained a computer chip which was programmed to her gait and would recognize, based on her movements and the resistance, if she were walking at a faster pace or going up and down stairs and would adjust accordingly. At the same time, they were still extremely stiff and heavier than the normal prosthetic, meaning that could be the cause of some of the pain. Due to their heft, they also didn't allow for the added weight of a cosmetic covering and weren't made to wear for an extended period of time and often caused stress on her back and other leg. Looking down at her own model, Callie already knew that she'd addressed some of those concerns by using the sensors which were directly aligned with the nerve endings in the residual limb, not making it necessary for the leg to house a microprocessor. She'd also used a lighter weight material along with hydraulic joints which absorbed much of the shock when a person's full weight was resting on the leg while walking, running, or climbing stairs. Though this particular model didn't have the cosmetic covering, those she'd created for the trial did and with Avery's help, she was able to match the skin tone perfectly.

She still couldn't fight the niggling feeling that she was missing something. For all intents and purposes, the legs still looked the same even though they functioned quite differently. She knew there was something she was overlooking, something that didn't quite set her prototype apart from the others and that something could make or break her trial, it could also alleviate the problems Arizona encountered with her own legs. Shaking her head to clear her mind of that thought, knowing not only would Arizona never go for it, but she would never suggest it, Callie picked up the leg to study it more closely, hoping she could see what was resting on the outskirts of her brain. Just as she turned the leg to look at the socket, she heard a knock on the door and realized it was already time for her appointment. Laying the leg on the table, Callie quickly crossed the room and answered the door, greeting, "Dr. Dettlof, I'm so happy you could make it." The therapist smiled, extended her right hand, and returned, "Dr. Torres, it's good to see you again. I must admit though, I'm not sure I want to give up this hand. Since you've fixed it, I haven't had any problems with it." Callie smiled, shook the other woman's hand and responded, "I'm happy to hear that, but I am almost positive you'll like what I have for you even better."

As she guided the other woman into the room, Callie realized that her attention was immediately drawn to the model of the left leg sitting on the table and couldn't help but stiffen just slightly. It hadn't occurred to her that starting up her trial again, especially with Arizona's therapist as a patient, her ex-wife might discover that she'd never stopped working on her leg. She watched while the older woman studied the frame, nodded in affirmation when she held her hand up, silently asking if she could touch it, and slowly exhaled when she offered, "I've always wondered what these things looked like inside. The very first prosthetic I was ever fitted for was a hook. The next one looked like a hand but it was as useless as a pair of chopsticks to me. You do good work Dr. Torres." Having studied human response and reaction for many years in the military and now as a psychiatrist, Ginnie was well aware of the anxiety radiating off of the woman next to her. Also being astute as she was, she didn't fail to notice that this particular prototype was meant for a shorter person who just happened to be a left leg amputee.

Looking up into concerned brown eyes, Ginnie declared, "Confidentiality works two ways Dr. Torres. You and I both know what your motivation is for this project. You told me that before you even knew who I was. Just because I know the identity of that person you were telling me about before, doesn't mean anything. I am here as your patient and anything you share with me about anything other than my own health, is no one else's business." Hearing this, Callie's entire body collapsed in relief and she leaned against the countertop as she admitted, "I can't lie and say I haven't been worried about that. It's just…you know so much about me and I'm sure it's not all good, I just…"

Ginnie tilted her head, studied the younger surgeon, and though she'd been told many times, she started to understand what Arizona meant when she said the ortho surgeon had a big heart and worried about what other people thought of her. Holding up her hand, she interjected, "Dr. Dettloff, the therapist, knows what her patient has told her about her ex-wife and that will remain confidential. Ginnie, the amputee, doesn't know a single thing about Dr. Torres, the orthopedic surgeon who is running her trial, other than the fact that she is damn good at what she does. As a surgeon, hell, as a human, you know there are two sides to every story. In my profession, I address the side I know with the person who shares it with me. I don't ever make assumptions, bring my personal feelings into my sessions, nor do I make judgements, it's not fair to my patients who need to come to their own conclusions nor to the other parties involved. So, for our purposes here, I am Ginnie and you are Dr. Torres. Can you live with that?" Callie chuckled, nodded, and replied, "Yes, thank you, I can most definitely live with that."

While she was fitting Ginnie's hand, Callie explained in more detail how the sensors worked, what was normal for her to feel, what she should look out for, and then directed her through a series of tests involving tossing and catching a tennis ball, grasping different sized objects, and performing everyday tasks such as fastening buttons, opening doors, and tying shoes. Once they were finished, Ginnie stared down at her hand, extended her fingers, balled them into a fist, wiggled them one at a time, then compared her left to her right and though she knew there was a difference, she was confident that for the first time since she'd lost her hand, the average person just glancing at her wouldn't even know she was wearing an artificial limb. Shaking her head in disbelief, the former Lieutenant General complemented, "This…wow! I'm rarely speechless Dr. Torres, but this feels and looks so genuine." Feeling that same excitement, the sense of accomplishment that she felt when making the trach, wash over her, Callie unleashed her brilliant mega-watt smile and said, "Thank you. That was my goal…to see my patients happy." Ginnie winked at her and replied, "No, it wasn't, but I'm happy you decided to share your talents with the rest of the world." Callie blushed slightly, not knowing what to say to that, so she just nodded in acknowledgement.

Seeing the ortho surgeon's response, or lack thereof, Ginnie reached out, touched her shoulder and genuinely offered, "Dr. Torres, you should be proud of what you've accomplished here. Even if your friend didn't accept it, even if she wasn't ready, I'm certain she would be proud of you, of this. Maybe someday she will be ready." Feeling the tears sting the backs of her eyes, Callie turned, looked at the older woman, and replied, "That means a great deal, thank you." Ginnie noticed how brown eyes nervously darted around the room then landed on the frame of the leg, narrowed her eyes and asked, "She hasn't even seen it has she?" Callie shook her head in the negative, glanced at the right hand that was resting on her shoulder and replied, "No, none of it, but she will at her next appointment, I'm sure." Realizing this, Callie's blood ran cold. She knew they'd made a lot of positive steps, but they still haven't really discussed her project and she wasn't sure how she felt about Arizona seeing it before they had a chance to talk.

The doctor's response reminded the therapist that said appointment was supposed to be today and started to ask if she could direct her to Arizona's office when a scruffy looking young man in navy blue scrubs burst into the room and asked, "Torres, how do I clean that trach you made for Cayden? Can I just use rubbing alcohol? Oh, and can you make another? You know, just in case. Robbins will have my head if I mess around and give this baby an infection." Callie turned to the older woman and said, "Excuse me just a minute." She then crossed the room and explained, "It's the same as any other trach, the titanium has been treated, so you can clean it with antiseptic or alcohol. Use a cotton swab to get into the crevices, but Cayden is far less likely to acquire an infection with this rather than with the traditional plastic one." She turned to walk away then looked back and asked, "How is he? Any changes?" The corner of Karev's mouth twitched and he answered, "He's good, he's a tough one just like Sofia." Callie smiled at that, then dismissed the other surgeon.

Turning back to her patient, she saw an expression she couldn't quite read and explained, "Cayden is a little baby whose parents died in a car accident a couple of weeks ago. He was the same gestational age as my…our, my and Arizona's daughter, when she was born and everyone just kind of adopted him…at least until social services can find him a family. Arizona saved him, ahh, three times now. He contracted pneumonia and we almost lost him, Arizona sat with him for three days until she was finally sent home." Still seeing the same expression, Callie understood when she heard the therapist ask, "Cayden? Did…Arizona name him?" Feeling all the shame, guilt, and anger at herself come to the surface, Callie couldn't hold back her tears when she responded, "She did…she named him. You, ah, you know?" Knowing she was definitely about to cross the line, Ginnie pulled the sobbing woman into her arms and confirmed, "I do." She held tighter when the taller woman wailed, "I didn't…I didn't know. We never…God, I was a monster. She should hate me. I hate me." Patting the younger woman's back, knowing from her shallow intakes of breath that she was about to go into a panic attack, Dr. Dettlof pulled back, grabbed Callie firmly by the shoulders and commanded, "Callie, look at me. Take a deep breath. Okay, good, now exhale. Now another."

When Callie finally calmed down, she took one final shuddering breath and nodded, assuring her ex-wife's therapist, "I'm okay…I'm…" Knowing everything she knew, Ginnie's heart broke for the ortho surgeon, who, it appeared, was finally coming to terms with her own actions. Though she innately wanted to help the other woman through her feelings, ethically, she knew she couldn't. Instead, she looked into watery brown eyes full of pain and regret and asked, "Callie, have you…do you have someone to talk to? I could recommend…" The brunette shook her head and replied, "No, no I just…I just started seeing a therapist. I have my third session tomorrow." She took a tissue out of the box that was offered to her, wiped her eyes and declared, "You must think I am the most awful person on the planet." Dr. Dettlof shook her head and replied, "What I think is, you are taking positive steps to remedy whatever mistakes you felt you made. That's a good thing. Healing hurts like hell, but keep talking, to your therapist and to Arizona." Callie closed her eyes, sniffled, and said, "Thank you, for helping me calm down and for not judging me." Being who she was and needing to add a little levity to the situation, Ginnie replied, "It's the least I could do for the person who made it possible for me to flip people off again." Callie chuckled and returned, "I like you." The older woman winked and replied, "I like you too Torres and for what it's worth, she doesn't hate you." With that, the older woman gathered her things and left the lab but not before she saw the gorgeous smile her patient so frequently spoke about, bloom across the taller woman's face.

A/N: I know, a month is way too long. Eight days until I am on summer break, then I promise both stories will see more frequent updates.

Also, I'm not exactly sure of the timeline of when DeLuca lived with Arizona, but because he isn't a part of this story, at this point, in my world, he'd moved out by now.