Arizona sat quietly and listened while Callie paced the room and seemed to be getting more worked up as she passionately ticked off each thing she was angry with herself about. She knew it wasn't all anger though, Callie had mentioned a few times that she was overcome with shame and guilt, and she knew her ex-wife well enough to know that when she wasn't sure how to deal with those emotions, she became angry, and this time she was lashing out at herself. Still, it was painful to hear, to recall those memories, to feel the ache all over again. Although it was difficult at times, not to intervene, not to interject her own thoughts, not to say how she felt about certain behaviors, not to ask questions about others, Arizona stayed silent and let Callie say what she needed to say. Tears of anguish rolled down her cheeks, not just because of the emotions Callie was evoking, but also because of the angst and guilt she could feel rising within herself. She was well aware, thanks to months of therapy, that as poorly as Callie treated her, as hurtful as her behaviors that day and the days following were, she wasn't the only one to blame. While Callie continued to name the things she was angry about, Arizona's own ire grew.

When Callie stopped pacing, stood in the center of the living room, looked at her, red-faced, hands clenched into fists resting on her hips, and nearly yelled, "So yes, I am fucking furious right now," Arizona swallowed thickly, took a moment to process everything, and in all honesty, tried to figure out how to respond. It would be easy for her to allow Callie to stand there and take all the blame, but she knew better now, she knew the only way for both of them to heal, individually and together, was for them to be honest with themselves and each other. She had to remember that once again, while all of these discoveries were new to Callie, she'd taken the time to work through them, to recognize not only Callie's part, the things she'd done to hurt her, but also take responsibility for her own part in each of these situations. Admittedly, while this one was harder for her not to see herself as the victim, she'd finally come to terms with the fact that she did indeed play a role in how things turned out and she would be remiss in not mentioning them, in not telling Callie the reasons she was also angry with herself. They needed to clear the air between them, remove all the barriers, no matter how difficult the process.

Trying to get her breathing under control and calm herself down, Callie found it impossible when she saw that Arizona was crying and through all the pain, she still caught a glimpse of anger in the cloudy azure eyes. It proved to her that everything she said was true and she'd hurt Arizona more by voicing it aloud, which only served to make her angry at herself all over again. After waiting for what felt like hours under Arizona's intense stare, Callie relaxed her posture, nearly slumping in defeat and softly pleaded, "Arizona, please say something." She was relieved when Arizona opened her mouth but couldn't be more surprised by what came out of it. When Callie stood before her, now looking worried and vulnerable, almost as if she were afraid she'd said too much, Arizona tilted her head and requested, "Now tell me why you are mad at me." Callie blinked, shook her head and blurted, "What?" Arizona expanded her request, "Tell me what I did at that time that makes you angry." Callie ran her fingers through her hair, frustrated, feeling like her ex-wife didn't hear a word she said, tossed up her hands and proclaimed, "I just told you I wasn't mad at you. I did those things, I was self-centered, and only focused on my feelings. You should hate me right now. You didn't do anything wrong Arizona!"

Callie noticed Arizona's lips had formed a straight line and she curled them inward, arched her brow, nodded her head, and realized in that moment that her ex-wife was preparing to argue with her…no, not argue but put her in her place. She'd seen that look many times, whether it be directed at her or some poor unsuspecting soul at the hospital, and knew things were about to take a turn. Her suspicions only intensified when Arizona grabbed her crutches, pulled herself into a standing position, and started across the room in her direction, moving faster than she could have ever imagined. Arizona leaned on her crutches in front of Callie with barely a foot between them and replied, "You're right, I should hate you." She watched as Callie flinched at her words and continued, "Except for the fact that no matter what, I can't hate you, just like you can't hate me. I am angry at you right now though." Feeling almost vindicated, Callie held her hands out to her sides, bent her knees and huffed out, "Thank you!" Arizona shook her head and snapped, "Oh no, no, no, no. I'm not mad at you for the things you just said, I'm angry because you are doing the same thing now. You are focusing your feelings inward, only thinking about your actions. This time you're angry at yourself and not me, but you're still not seeing the whole picture."

Callie stepped back to put some space between them and argued, "I'm taking responsibility for my actions Arizona! I'm recognizing your pain and what I did to you, how I made you feel." Arizona made a noise that sounded like a growl and nearly yelled, "That's just it Callie, you don't know how your actions made me feel, you don't know what pain I was in. You don't know those things because I never told you! I never let you in. So you may not be angry with me, but I am just as furious by my own behaviors as you are about yours!" Taken aback, Callie furrowed her brow in confusion and wondered how Arizona could be angry at herself and snapped, "No, you keep taking the blame Arizona! Every damn thing we talk about, you take the blame on yourself. This was me; it was all me. I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me, I overlooked your pain, I…" "Shut up! Just shut up." Arizona commanded, then declared, "You've had your say, now I get to have mine, so you sit your ass down and listen to me." Shocked, Callie opened her mouth to argue, snapped it shut again when she saw Arizona glare at her, then reluctantly went to sit on the sofa, waiting to hear what her ex-wife could possibly be angry at herself for.

Making her way to the small table by the door, Arizona leaned against it, propped her crutches on the wall, crossed her arms, took a deep breath and admitted, "It would be really easy for me to sit here and play the victim." When Callie started to say something, Arizona held up her finger, shook her head and continued, "For a long time, that's how I saw myself. Everything you said was true, I can't deny it any more than you can. It doesn't mean it was all your fault. It doesn't mean it was all mine either and I'm not taking on all the blame, what I'm saying is, there were two of us in our marriage and for far too long, we both blamed each other for certain things, when, in all honesty, we each played a part. Now that we are trying to work through these things, we can't allow the other to take all the blame. We would be doing the same thing all over again and eventually, we would start to resent each other just like we did before. You didn't let me take all the blame a couple of weeks ago when you came over to tell me about the trial and how you pushed me, just like I wouldn't let you take all the blame for that. So this time, no Callie, you don't get to take all the blame." She stopped for a moment and waited for some sort of response, she could tell by the expression on Callie's face that she wanted to argue, but she only kept quiet. Arizona closed her eyes and tried to recall everything Callie said she was angry at herself about and thought about how to address it.

Still unsure of how Arizona could even begin to think any part of that day was her fault, Callie realized the rest of what she was saying was the absolute truth. There were two sides to their story and at one point or another, they only saw their own feelings, felt their own pain, and blamed the other, disregarding altogether how their own actions were perceived. Now they were seeing the pain and damage their behaviors caused and only blamed themselves, vindicating the other of their wrongs. She also recognized that it was time to break that cycle just like Arizona said, so she kept her mouth shut and tried to stay open, to listen to Arizona without interrupting, just like she had done for her. She was slightly surprised when Arizona crossed the room and instead of sitting in her chair, chose to sit on the other end of the couch and turned to face her. Showing her ex-wife she had her undivided attention; Callie mirrored her actions by turning her body inward, brought up one leg and bent it so it laid flat on the cushion, then rested her arm across the back of the couch.

Arizona realized she didn't want to do this from across the room, she didn't want to be standing while Callie sat and watched her. Most importantly, she wanted them to be on the same level and she felt they needed to have less space between them. There was always so much space between them when it came to these things, both literally and figuratively and she knew it was time to close that gap. As she sat on the sofa and waited for Callie to settle herself, Arizona decided her best course of action was to address each of the things Callie spoke about while inserting her own behaviors, some of the things she was angry at herself about, into the mix and hopefully help relieve both of them of the pain and guilt they were feeling.

Picking at the throw pillow on her lap, Arizona quietly recalled, "You said you weren't only mad but you were ashamed and wracked with guilt." Callie closed her eyes, still feeling all of those emotions swirling within, nodded her head and confirmed, "I am." Arizona bit her bottom lip and replied, "Me too." At Callie's questioning look, she explained, "Callie, you just stood here and listed all the things you were mad at yourself about and I'm mad at myself for some of the same reasons. I've replayed that whole day in my head so many times and when I stopped seeing myself as the victim, I started thinking that if just maybe, one thing would have changed, one tiny thing, everything might have turned out so much differently." Callie shook her head, still not seeing Arizona's fault in any of this, and softly pleaded "How? How Arizona? How is any of what happened that day your fault." Arizona sighed, rubbed at her forehead and quietly responded, "Maybe it's not. In the end, what happened still happened and neither of us can change that now. I heard you, I heard everything you said, all I'm asking is that you listen to me now. Okay?" Callie took a deep breath and replied, "Okay."

Arizona lowered her gaze to the pillow and asked, "What is Newton's Third Law?" Confused by the question, Callie huffed and asked, "What? Arizona what does this have to do…" "Just answer the question Callie." Arizona commanded softly. Frustrated, Callie rattled off, "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Arizona nodded as if her question made perfect sense, then expanded, "I feel like…like sometimes, especially when it comes to that day, we epitomize that theory." At Callie's bewildered expression, Arizona sighed and recalled, "You said that you were mad that I didn't feel like I could come to you with my fears and you feel guilty that you should have seen it." Callie swallowed thickly and answered, "I'm mad at me Arizona, not at you." Arizona could feel her tears well up in her eyes as her vision started to blur, nodded in acknowledgement, then offered, "And I am mad that I chose not to talk to you about it, that I kept my fears and worries to myself and once again, I didn't let my wife in. I'd become so good at hiding things, at trying to deal with things alone after the amputation, sometimes I didn't even recognize what I was doing. Whatever the reason Callie, even if I was afraid you'd worry that I had misgivings, I shut you out, and in doing that, I never let you see how invested I was, how connected I already was to that baby and I didn't give you a chance to form that same connection. You said earlier that you didn't see the loss as the loss of a life. What if I would have let you in Callie? What if I would have told you I already thought of him as a boy and had a name picked out? What if I would have included you in the process? Would you have seen it differently? Because you do now, you see it now." Arizona's voice, though tremoring, started to rise as she became more angry with herself for closing herself off and for shutting Callie out.

Callie wasn't sure if she was supposed to answer the questions or if they were just rhetorical, so she stayed silent and pondered the answers to those questions. It appeared that Arizona had come to her own conclusion though. As she thought about the things Arizona said, she was starting to understand exactly how much Arizona blamed herself. She wanted to argue that all of this was hypothetical, they were 'what if' scenarios and as much as she wanted to say that things would indeed have been different, she wasn't certain that she could, even if she did see it now. While Arizona had become a master at burying her feelings, they'd already established that her own reactions didn't exactly make it easy for her to share her thoughts or fears, and Callie couldn't blame her for not feeling as if she'd get a sympathetic response from her. At some point, and she wasn't sure when, but somewhere along the line, she had stopped being her wife's safe place. She recognized now that no matter Arizona's initial action, sometimes, her reactions were not equal but over the top. This pregnancy, that one day, above all others, proved that fact more than anything else that ever happened to them. Wracked with guilt and anguish, knowing that her ex-wife was truly taking on far more responsibility than she should, Callie felt the hot tears roll down her cheeks and as the saltiness hit her tongue, it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Arizona looked up at Callie, saw the tears in her eyes, and continued in a much softer tone, "You are angry with yourself for not being at the appointment with me. I'm equally as mad that I didn't remind you that we had our eight week appointment at the same time you scheduled Travis' surgery. I knew if I had told you, you would have done just what you said and rescheduled the surgery. I'm mad that instead of saying something, I punished both of us because I was hurt that you didn't remember it on your own and I chose to go by myself." Callie shook her head furiously and argued, "Arizona, none of that is your fault. I should have remembered, I should have had it blocked off on my schedule, I could have…" She trailed off when she noticed Arizona wasn't even listening to her, she seemed to be staring right through her, as if she was seeing something else entirely and her stomach lurched when she realized what was coming next. It also occurred to her in that moment, that this conversation could very well push Arizona into a blackout or some other sort of PTSD episode and she became hyper focused on her behaviors, while hanging on to every word, as painful and heart wrenching as it may be.

Arizona could hear Callie talking, but she no longer registered what she was saying, her mind had gone elsewhere, she'd gone to what happened next and she was seeing it, reliving it in her mind. Her tone went flat as she relayed, "I was so mad at you, I kept thinking you'd remember and show up. Every time the door opened, I looked up and only became more disappointed that it wasn't you. Once I got into an exam room, I didn't even care about putting on the stupid gown. Nothing mattered then, because all I could feel was excitement that I would get to hear his heartbeat. I'd finally hear my Cayden and I knew it would be the second most beautiful sound I've ever heard, a tie really, with the day we heard Sofia's heartbeat. I was talking to Dr. Chahine and she commented on my smile, she said she didn't think she'd ever seen me smile so big. Then she stopped talking…she just…she stared at the monitor and I could see…I saw him, but I knew, I knew before she told me, that I wasn't going to hear a heartbeat. I knew I would never meet Cayden. Worse than that…I knew I'd have to tell you. I knew I'd have to…we wanted a baby so bad and I'd have to tell you that we…that he…" She broke off for a moment and tears started to fall as she continued, "I uh…I got dressed and she gave me options, I didn't…I made an appointment for later that evening, after our shifts were over. I didn't want to…I just wanted to get it over with, but I needed you there when it happened. I don't remember how I got down there, but I stood outside of that scrub room, trying not to cry, trying to figure out what to say to you and…and then I went in there and…" She stopped talking and swallowed the lump in her throat as flashes of what happened next appeared before her eyes and as tears ran down her cheeks, she was focused on trying to keep them at bay, she could only smell the familiar sterile scent of the scrub room, feel the chill from the cold steel on her back, see Callie's face in front of her waiting to hear what happened, and sense the bone crushing fear of telling her wife she'd lost their baby. Something seemed different though and she couldn't quite place what it was, so she focused on Callie's face and waited for her to ask about the blob.

Callie clutched her chest to try to stop the searing stabbing ache in her heart evoked by Arizona's words. Even though her voice started as flat and unfeeling, as Arizona drew her mental picture, one Callie could see as clearly as if she had actually been there, her tone and facial expressions changed to match the emotions she felt as she painstakingly described her appointment. When Arizona stopped talking, Callie wasn't certain if she was finished or preparing herself to talk about what happened next, but she already knew what came next. Visions of the rest of that day had played through her mind on a repetitive loop for the past four days. Her body already shaking with her sobs, Callie didn't think either of them could take much more and started to ask Arizona to stop when she realized the blank look in her eyes never changed, they were still unfocused and her pupils appeared to be dilated. In that moment, she realized that her fears had become a reality and Arizona was in the midst of a PTSD blackout. Trying not to panic, she took a deep breath and recalled what one of the articles she'd read said to do in case someone was experiencing a PTSD episode.

Arizona stared at Callie and could see her mouth moving but couldn't hear what she was saying. As she focused on her wife's lips, listening for the words she knew she was about to ask, Callie's image started to come into focus. As her haze lifted, Arizona realized why something seemed different; Callie wasn't wearing her scrub cap and her hair was down. As the echo in her ears started to fade, she could hear her wife's voice trying to break through and tried to focus on those warm dark chocolate eyes filled with concern as an attempt to ground herself. Callie knew not to make any sudden movements and as badly as she wanted to touch Arizona in that moment, form some sort of connection with her, she wasn't certain what she was seeing in her mind or how she would respond to her touch. Looking Arizona in the eye, trying to put herself in her direct line of vision, Callie quietly commanded, "Arizona, you are having a flashback. Arizona, I need you to come back to me now." Her breath hitched when cerulean blue eyes locked on hers and though they weren't completely focused, she was sure Arizona could see her now. In the same soft gentle tone, she asked, "Arizona, can you tell me where you are? Arizona, look around the room and tell me where we are. Tell me what you see. What do you smell?"

Arizona furrowed her brows in confusion when she finally heard what Callie was saying. She didn't understand why she was asking where they were. She was about to answer that they were in the scrub room and she smelled soap and bleach. When she inhaled she didn't smell the sanitizers but the soothing aroma of vanilla and it occurred to her that they weren't in the scrub room. Callie wasn't wearing her scrubs; she was in street clothes and…she closed her eyes when it hit her that Callie wasn't even her wife anymore. Hearing the request again, Arizona's eyes darted around the room and she recognized they were in her living room and Callie was here. Callie could see by Arizona's facial expressions that she was coming out of her trance and wanted to cry in relief when she quietly asked, "Callie? Why are you…" Unable to help herself, Callie reached for Arizona's hands, and replied, "I'm here. I'm right here Arizona." Feeling Callie's familiar warm touch, Arizona looked down at their hands, then slowly lifted her gaze to see Callie's tear-stained face, puffy red eyes full of pain and fear, remembered exactly why they were there, and her face crumpled as she cried, "I lost our baby Callie. He's gone." The words had barely left her mouth before Callie let out a deep gut wrenching wail and she pulled Arizona onto her lap. They wrapped their arms around each other and held on like they never wanted to let go as they finally wept together over the loss of their child. Holding Arizona close to her chest, Callie kissed the crown of her head and whispered, "I know honey. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Cradling Arizona in her arms, feeling her body quake as she wept, Callie's heart cracked all the way open and she finally allowed herself to acknowledge the loss of their child. She broke down in body wracking sobs as the anguish and heartache crashed over her in waves; pain for the loss of the baby she never knew, pain for the woman she was holding in her arms, and overwhelming relief that they were finally taking comfort in one another, mourning the loss of their child together like they should have, like she should have allowed, three years ago. Arizona clung tightly to Callie; one arm wrapped around her back, while slowly caressing her upper arm in an attempt to soothe her. She savored the feeling of the warm body wrapped around her, relished in the reassuring embrace she craved all those years ago. She had so much more to say, but in that moment, her only focus was the fact that she and Callie were supporting one another over the loss of their son, expressing their heartache together, as it should be, as it should have been.

Gently swaying them from side to side, Callie felt both of their bodies relax and though they'd held each other and cried for quite a while, they were both quiet now, yet she wasn't ready to let go. She didn't want to break the intimacy of the moment, to let the cold harsh reality into the little bubble they'd formed and it seemed as if Arizona was perfectly content to stay where she was as well, so she held on for as long as she could. With her head on Callie's chest, Arizona could feel that their breathing had become synchronized and closed her eyes while focusing on the steady beat of Callie's heart. She knew she should move, however she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so safe, even in Callie's arms and it just felt too good, so natural the way their bodies still fit together, so she decided to stay as long as Callie would allow her to.

After several long moments of comfortable silence, Callie needed to make sure Arizona had fully recovered from her episode and asked, "Arizona? Are you…do you know…" At first Arizona was confused by what Callie was trying to ask her, then realized she must have blacked out and replied, "I'm here in my living room with you Callie. We are talking about losing our baby." She heard Callie's sigh of relief, felt her arms tighten around her and asked, "How far did I get?" Callie swallowed thickly and answered, "You ah…you talked about how you felt while you were at Dr. Chahine's office, what you went through and what you decided about…um, you trailed off at the point that you entered the scrub room to tell me." Arizona nodded and her voice broke while she declared, "I was so scared Callie, I knew how much you wanted this baby and honestly, I didn't think I could bare to see the devastation on your face. I knew it was my fault. I was so angry at myself Callie, at my body. I felt like it failed me and I failed you. I couldn't give you what you wanted…again." She could feel Callie's head moving back and forth, listened as her breath hitched on another sob as she replied just as quietly, "No Arizona, you didn't fail me. I failed you. I wasn't the wife you needed me to be. My actions…the things I said…God, they only reinforced those feelings for you." They both broke down in tears once again, though now they were silent tears as they both reflected on what the other just said.

It was Arizona who broke the silence this time as her eyes fluttered closed and she admitted, "It didn't help. I think…I knew you were more angry that I wouldn't even consider having another baby at that time…I just, I couldn't think about it right then and I didn't know how to make you see that. I think I convinced myself you were mad that I lost the baby, because it's like you said earlier, it made more sense and it…" Callie took a deep breath and finished, "It didn't make me come off as a selfish cold hearted bitch." Hearing the bite in her tone, Arizona shook her head, started to sit up and corrected, "No, Callie, that's not what I was saying at all." Callie held tighter to Arizona, hoping that she didn't just push her away and corrected, "No, you weren't saying that; it's just, when I look back, that's how I see myself Arizona. That's why I'm so angry at myself, ashamed really. I think about that day and I feel like I'm looking at a stranger." She was quiet for a moment then revealed, "I understand your theory, I heard what you were saying, but I can't agree. I mean, I know you feel how you feel but Arizona, you can't be angry with yourself over this. Yes, every action does cause an equal and opposite reaction, but your actions that day…they were perfectly within the norm, mine on the other hand, the way I reacted, it was unthinkable and inexcusable. You can go through every hypothetical situation you can dream up, but in the end, I did what I did, I said what I said, and…and I'm afraid, actually I'm one hundred percent positive that the person I was then, would have reacted the same way no matter what and that's, God I was so awful Arizona." She broke off on a sob as she started to cry once again, tears of shame and guilt overtaking her.

Feeling Callie's body start to tremble beneath her own, Arizona shifted positions slightly, raised her arms, wrapped them around Callie's neck and held her close. She wanted to argue, she really did, but she was starting to understand that Callie was right, she wasn't to blame and no matter how she wished things were different, they weren't, and now they were dealing with the fallout. She took a deep breath and realized that was what was most important, they may be three years too late, but they were finally dealing with the loss of their child and the damage done to their marriage because of it. As Callie continued to cry, Arizona kissed her temple and soothed, "Shh, you're not that person Callie, that's not you anymore." Callie shook her head and argued, "How do you know that Arizona? How can you be sure?" Arizona lifted Callie's head, cupped her cheeks, looked her in the eyes and answered confidently, "Because you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't feel the way you feel. Even if you wouldn't have found me in the chapel, you were already figuring things out Callie."

Seeing the truth in Arizona's words, understanding that she did, in fact, see things differently now, that she had grown and changed, Callie knew she had one last question and as hard as it would be for both of them, she couldn't not ask. Arizona watched while Callie seemed to have an internal debate and knew there was one more thing, something she'd apparently mentioned earlier that she knew Callie had also wondered about. Without putting her ex-wife through the pain of asking, Arizona rested her head on Callie's shoulder once again, she couldn't look her in the eye for this and started, "After you…um, after you left the lounge, I locked the door and broke down. I wanted to come after you, to tell you what I needed, but I knew we would just argue again and I couldn't take another blow at that point. I sent a message to Miranda, told her I was feeling sick and I was going home, then I went…" As her voice began to quiver and her body began to tremble she buried her face in Callie's neck and felt her pulse pounding as well. Callie ran her fingers through golden curls and whispered, "It's okay Arizona, don't…you don't have to…" The bile rose to her throat as her worst fear was realized, Arizona had a D and C and she was all alone throughout the process and afterward. Callie didn't go home that night because she was angry, even though she told herself she stayed with Travis to watch over him.

Lifting her head, Arizona felt nothing but relief for not having to relive that part, but only saw devastation in Callie's eyes and started to ask, "Are you su…" Callie shook her head, effectively cutting Arizona off and wept as she rested her forehead against Arizona's and softly stated, "Arizona, I am so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did and I'm…" She closed her eyes, took in a shuddering breath, and continued, "I'm sorry I wasn't there afterward, that I made you go through that alone. I can't tell you enough how horrible I feel about how selfish I was, about only thinking about me and what I wanted. I was just…I was wrong, so, so wrong, I see that now. But please Arizona, please don't carry this guilt with you anymore."

When she finished, they both had tears running down their cheeks once again and upon hearing Callie's apology, words she'd longed to hear for so long, words she never thought would come, Arizona's heart felt lighter as if the ache she'd become so accustomed to was lifted and that door had finally closed. Pulling Callie into a hug, she whispered against her ear, "I forgive you Callie." When she pulled back, she could still see the regret and anguish in Callie's eyes, written all over her face, and asked, "Will you do me a favor?" Callie nodded and replied, "Anything." Arizona wiped the tears from red-rimmed swollen eyes and asked, "Will you work on forgiving yourself now? Will you talk to your therapist about this?" Knowing it would be a difficult task, Callie nodded and swore, "I promise, I'll talk to him." Arizona started to get up then and already missing the contact, the brunette asked, "Can we just…stay like this for a little longer?" Thankful that Callie asked, knowing she truly didn't want to break the contact just yet, Arizona nodded, settled herself back in Callie's arms, and though neither of them said anything, they each felt differently and understood they'd reached a turning point in their friendship, they were forming a stronger bond, one built on honesty and trust.

XXXX

Arizona groaned when she felt a vibration on her leg, followed by the ringtone she'd tried to avoid at all costs for the past two years. It was the same sound Callie had set for her alarm, claiming it was the only thing that could wake her up, when in all actuality, she was the one who woke up and she was the one who awoke Callie. Trying to figure out where the sound was coming from, why she was hearing Callie's alarm, Arizona's eyes popped open as the fog lifted from her sleep addled brain and realized she hadn't just fallen asleep, but she'd fallen asleep on Callie's lap. Feeling no movement except the constant vibration under her leg, Arizona looked up and couldn't help but chuckle when she saw that Callie had also fallen asleep, her head resting against the back of the sofa, mouth opened slightly, snoring softly, and not the least bit disturbed by the annoying noise emanating from her pocket.

Gently shaking her shoulder, Arizona softly whispered, "Callie, wake up. You're alarm is going off." Feeling the jarring movement, hearing Arizona's sweet lilting voice, Callie was certain she was dreaming. She hadn't woken to that sound in so long and her heart ached at the realization of how much she missed it. Feeling more of a poke now, Callie's eyes fluttered open and she was both startled and happy to see those familiar cerulean blue eyes hovering over her. She then furrowed her brow and wondered why exactly Arizona was there, why she was waking her up. Blinking to bring her vision into focus, her other senses finally caught up and she heard her alarm blasting through the silent room. As she reached into her pocket, she noticed Arizona's smirk as she quipped, "I see your alarm still does it's job in waking you up." Callie pulled out her phone, silenced her alarm, and scolded, "Oh hush," then for the first time, realized Arizona was still on her lap and they must have fallen asleep after the emotional discussion.

She ran her fingers through her hair and flinched as her legs felt as if they were being jabbed by thousands of tiny little needles. Though it was the last thing she wanted, a thought which she would explore later, Callie quietly requested, "Arizona can you umm…my legs are asleep." Arizona quickly but carefully slid herself off of her ex-wife's lap and heard the instant sigh of relief. Tilting her head she teased, "I haven't gained that much weight Callie." Appreciating the fact that there was no awkwardness between them after having fallen asleep and woken up in each other's arms, Callie chuckled and replied, "No, but I also haven't moved my legs in…Oh my God, my alarm. What time is it?" Arizona gasped and asked, "Is it time to pick up Sofia already?" Callie shook her head, held up her phone so Arizona could see the time and explained, "I set an alarm for about fifteen minutes before I had to leave for my appointment." Arizona turned so her foot was on the floor, leaned forward, rested her elbows on her thighs, rubbed at her face to wake herself up, and asked, "How long were we asleep?" She watched while Callie bent her legs and stomped her feet on the floor to try to get the circulation flowing and waited for an answer.

While Arizona bent over and rubbed at her face, Callie briefly wondered what she was thinking. Trying not to worry that her ex-wife was feeling vulnerable and was now going to go back into her shell, Callie stretched her legs and tried to get her blood flowing again before responding to her question. Looking at her phone again, she tried to think about the last time she looked at a clock and responded, "I really don't know, at least an hour I think." Arizona didn't have to wonder why it felt like the best sleep she'd had in years, she already knew the answer, she just didn't want to think about what that meant. Leaning back against the sofa, she looked at Callie and asked, "Do you have time for a cup of coffee to help wake you up?" Callie couldn't hold back her smile when Arizona sat back and she noticed her eyes were clear and her question only confirmed that not only was Arizona not shutting down, but she was also intent on remaining open. Nodding her head, she answered, "God, yes please. Can I…ah, I'm pretty sure I look like a mess. Is it okay if I go wash up?" The blonde smiled and offered, "Of course you can. You can use my bathroom if you want. Everything you need is in there." Callie smiled in appreciation, handed Arizona her crutches and without hesitation this time, reached out to help her stand up.

After washing her face, fixing her hair and using some of Arizona's eyeliner and mascara, Callie returned to the kitchen to find Arizona propped against the counter, already drinking her coffee. Now that they were both awake and had time to think about everything, she worried that the awkwardness would return, that they wouldn't really know what to say to each other. Once again, Arizona eased her concerns by handing her a cup of coffee and asking, "Do you feel any better after our talk?" Callie took a sip of her coffee to give herself a minute to think about her answer and responded truthfully, "I feel better for having gotten everything off my chest, I don't feel as angry at myself, but I still feel the shame and the guilt. I feel better that I've apologized to you and that you've forgiven me. I think, uh…I know that was weighing on me the most. I was afraid that after we talked, after I told you everything, you would become angry and hurt all over again, that we would…I was scared it would break us again and I didn't want that to happen." Surprised that Callie was just as concerned as she was about ruining their friendship, Arizona admitted, "I was worried about the same thing. I knew hearing me in the chapel Monday really upset you and I didn't know; I wasn't sure what conclusions you'd come to. I was afraid you'd get mad at me all over again and I just…we've come so far and I was afraid this would set us back." They both smiled then, understanding that the more they talked about the past, the easier it was to talk about their current thoughts and feelings.

Staring down into her coffee, Callie asked, "Can I tell you something else?" Arizona tilted her head in question and replied, "You can say anything you want." Recognizing that as the truth, Callie looked up, knowing her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and confessed, "What really made me feel better, made my heart feel lighter than it's felt since that day, was that we finally, I…I finally let go and we were able to mourn the loss of our son together. That I held you like I should have that day and we took comfort in knowing someone else felt our pain." Arizona fought her own tears, swallowed the lump in her throat, nodded her head and replied, "Me too. I…we both needed that I think, more than we needed the words." Callie started to respond when her alarm rang out again and quickly turning it off, she reluctantly and regretfully, declared, "I need to go. I only have fifteen minutes before my appointment now." Arizona put down her cup, held out her arms, and requested, "Can I have a hug?" Callie nearly fell into her embrace, wrapped her arms tightly around her waist and murmured, "Thank you Arizona." The blonde pulled back and replied, "Thank you Callie." They both stared into each other's eyes and could see what the other wanted as it reflected their own desire. Reaching up, Arizona caressed Callie's cheeks, pulled her toward her and laid a sweet soft kiss on her forehead. Callie's heart flipped, though it wasn't what she wanted, somehow it felt more intimate, more loving, and she repeated Arizona's actions, barely pressing her lips on creamy alabaster skin. When she pulled back, she squeezed Arizona's hand and softly said, "I'll see myself out." Arizona nodded and replied, "Thank you for coming over, be safe Callie." She then leaned back against the counter, closed her eyes, and for the first time in two years, allowed herself to feel just the tiniest bit of hope.

A/N: Wow! I did not expect such an amazing reaction from that last chapter. I'm not sure how this one will go over, hopefully just the same. I had a completely different direction in mind and actually started it several different times but when your characters talk to you, you have to listen.