Revenge of the Tooka

Author's Note: More crack. :)

This one-shot is for the Obikin 2023 bingo. :)

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan Kenobi

The Skywalker twins have only been here six months. Six months, and they've already picked up on Qui-Gon's love for pathetic lifeforms. The fact that Aniya just stumbled into my and Anakin's shared apartment carrying a tooka-like creature that must be over half her size is definitely proof of that. "Don't panic," she says with way too much cheer. Every time she says that is when I know I need to panic. "Master Qui-Gon had to go for a while, and I'm supposed to watch over this in his absence."

"In here?" I ask dubiously.

"Of course!" She steps farther inside.

"Ani – oh! What's that?!" Anakin practically teleports across the room.

Children. Or maybe it's just Skywalkers, because I don't remember always having way, way, way too much energy and practically bouncing off walls all the time when I was ten.

"I dunno, a tooka? I found it. It's hurt."

Of course, the first thing out of Anakin's mouth is, "It's so cute! Can we keep it?!"

"Jedi don't have pets," I sigh. I'm already worn out. Today will be another one of those days. How are we even supposed to take care of this? Letting random creatures run around our apartment was not what I had in mind for today.

I step towards them, and the tooka – if that's really what it is – growls unhappily.

"... it doesn't like you," Aniya declares.

"I can see that."

"You don't like it," challenges Anakin.

"Do you know what kind of messes those make?"

"Uh, no?" they offer.

To be fair, I don't much know either, and nor do I care. I'm a Jedi, not an animal caretaker, and I might know how to connect with animals well, but that's under required circumstances. Only when I have to ride them.

The twins, unfortunately, are nearly big enough to ride this huge tooka, but I'm not about to let them try, and I can only hope to the Force they wouldn't be that stupid, anyway.

"They shed hair everywhere," I tell them flatly, because I know that much for sure, "And they have claws."

They blink in unison. It's disturbing when they do that. "What's wrong with claws?" Anakin queries, genuinely confused.

"It will be bad, if it tears all your robes."

Anakin looks at the tooka, seeming indifferent. Right, he came to the Temple wearing rags, and doesn't understand the importance of dressing like a normal person.

"Or if it ruins the carpet," I continue, but Aniya is already setting the menace down. I step back, just in case it tries to jump at me. The cat looks a little bit feral, and I have no idea what my master was thinking, bringing it to the Temple. It's the home for the Jedi, not stray animals. It's not a zoo. Or an animal shelter.

I can hardly take care of my own padawan. How am I supposed to take care of a tooka, too?

"How did you even find this?" I demand incredulously.

"Well," Aniya tells me cheerfully, "Master Qui-Gon and I were in the Underworld –"

"Why were you in the Underworld?" I ask, because that is not normal.

"We were on a mission."

I don't buy it, but I don't pressure, either. I can only hope that she didn't do something stupidly reckless.

"That tooka was injured," I point out – wait. Where did it go?

"I can get the supplies," Anakin volunteers.

"You better find it, first." I don't have to worry much about classes anymore, but I still have things to do myself, and I do not have time for this. The twins have studying to do, though I can understand their need for breaks on occasion. Still. Excursions of this type are annoying.

"On it!" Aniya tells me cheerfully and runs out of the room.

I sigh, settling down on the couch and getting to work on my datapad, trying to make sense of Anakin's school placement again. It's a bit chaotic. I can't make sense of it. He came so late that he's all over the place in everything. Some things he knows a lot about and is learning quickly, but other things not so much.

"No!" I hear Anakin yelling from his room – please tell me the tooka isn't consuming his sheets, or mattress, for that matter. "You don't pull tookas out by their tails!"

Force, where did the thing go?! I don't want to know. At least it's in Anakin's room, not mine.

"Why not?" Aniya queries, sounding genuinely confused.

"How would you like if –"

"Ow!" Aniya yowls in a tone very much implying whatever happened didn't hurt at all, because if it did, she wouldn't have mentioned it. I look up, half of the mind to go make sure they're not about to start another hour-long wrestling match because they have too much energy but decide better of it. I refuse to get dragged into the center of the twin's drama, plus their new pet tooka. "You mean brother!"

"You were going to hurt it!"

"It wouldn't have hurt! Tails aren't the same as hair, silly!"

...

Can I please go to bed?

Unfortunately, the answer is no, because I have hour-long babysitting duty up ahead.

**w**

"Anakin," I say flatly, arms crossed. "When I told you it couldn't use your clothes as a scratching post, I was very specific. I didn't tell you it would be okay if it used my cloaks instead."

Can they stop blinking in unison, please? It's creepy.

"You have too many, anyway," Aniya chirps. "You get a new one or two for every mission."

Which is somewhat fair, but still.

"That doesn't excuse ruining pairs entirely unnecessarily," I reply. Anakin is still attempting to hold the wriggling tooka which is very unhappy that it was dragged away from my stash of outer robes. How did it even get in my room in the first place? I definitely kept the door locked since the moment this menace was unleashed in my apartment.

"But then why do you drop them on missions and never go to pick them up again?" Anakin objects, cheekily.

The tooka whines again, and he tries to pat its head, but it uses the opportunity of his slight shift in position to jump out of his arms instead. They yelp and run after as it runs out of the room, meowing loudly.

I will definitely not have time to make sense of any of Anakin's lessons now.

By the time I catch up, Aniya's sitting in the middle of the room holding the thing – which seems to have far too much energy for being injured – and Anakin is crouched next to her, stroking its back. The tooka purrs, nuzzling closer to him.

"I think it's hungry," Aniya says, looking up when I enter.

"We have no tooka food available in the Temple," I reply, unimpressed.

"What about... milk?" Anakin suggests, hopefully.

Which is actually a fair point. Wait, how does he know so much about these things, anyway? I don't want that answered. "I didn't restock it just to give it to an animal," I huff.

"Don't be mean!" Aniya protests.

"I thought Jedi are supposed to be selfless," Anakin agrees, and it's entirely unfair that they can both give me that identical puppy eyes look.

"That doesn't explicitly involve picking up stray animals," I reply, but head to the kitchen anyway to see what I can get. I grudgingly get a soup bowl that's probably low enough that the tooka won't tip it over, before filling it and setting it a couple feet away from the twins.

The tooka squirms out of Aniya's arms, trotting to the bowl and eagerly lapping the milk out of it.

"Are you sure it doesn't have an owner?" I ask, dubiously.

"If it does, they must've been mean to it," Aniya objects. Mean seems to be her favorite word this afternoon.

"Why would it wanna stay with its owner?" Anakin agrees, making a face.

Right.

Because that word has an entirely different meaning to them. I still have no idea how to begin handling that; it's usually easier to skirt around the topic altogether.

Probably, I should do the same. "It can't stay here forever."

"Why not?" Anakin asks, looking up at me. He almost looks hurt. "It's so cute."

"Who would take care of it when you're gone on missions? That will happen eventually."

"We can... take it with us?"

"On missions that will often end in fighting," I deadpan.

"We could teach it to be careful," Aniya volunteers, though she can clearly tell that it's an argument she's losing.

"How about we find somewhere safe for it to stay long-term," I advise. "There has to be animal shelters around here somewhere." Or give it to a pet store, but I don't think they'd take that too well.

"What if it wants to go home?" Anakin asks.

"It ran away from its home."

"Its owner isn't it's home!" Aniya protests, vehemently.

... Fine.

"If it did used to have a home, we wouldn't be able to find it."

They both pout at that, but seem to temporarily drop the issue, returning to watching the tooka with fascination. It gives me the chance to return to the datapad I was trying to focus on, but of course, that doesn't last very long.

It lasts until I hear the twins shrieking gleefully again, and the cat meowing loudly. I glance up to see them all three of them running out of the room, chasing the tooka, or more accurately, Anakin is chasing the tooka, and Aniya is chasing him.

I... do not want to know. At all.

I thought it was their new best friend. Why are they chasing it now? Unless I'm totally misreading the situation and the nine-year-old logic, or rather the lack thereof, that even exists.

I'll just ignore them as long as nothing breaks. I think I made my point about not ruining things clear enough by now.

I'm actually more concerned when the ruckus just as suddenly stops, as the twins dart into the living room again. "Where'd it go?" Anakin asks, looking around furtively.

"It was right there!" Aniya insists, pointing to somewhere out of my line of sight.

"But it's not now!"

"You lost it?" I ask, hardly even surprised, standing.

They nod, guiltily.

"Then check the closets," I advise, flatly. That's probably where it took off to again.

They take off down the hall again, right as I hear a very loud meow, and it doesn't sound like it's coming from either bedroom. Warily, I head to the kitchen, to see the tooka's tail sticking out of the garbage can, as it tries it vain to wriggle its way back out but keeps sliding down again.

How in the name of the Force did it get in there in the first place?

"Anakin! Aniya!" I call down the hall before moving to collect the very unhappy tooka. It snarls at me the moment I pick it up – apparently, it has no sense of gratitude whatsoever – flailing its legs and trying to scratch in an effort to get to the floor.

At least it's not too dirty, because I am not volunteering to give it a bath and I'm definitely not letting the twins do that, either.

"You found it!" Anakin realizes excitedly, running over.

"In the garbage," I reply, flatly, "Keep a closer eye on it next time."

The tooka snarls at me again.

"It still doesn't like you," Aniya observes as I set it down.

The feeling is mutual, not that I'm going to say so. "Try not to lose it again," I advise, heading back for the couch.

I'm more than slightly mind-blown, though, when Anakin and Aniya come to join me on the couch, climbing up on either side of me. Aniya is holding the tooka which is perfectly content in her arms. Not that I care if it doesn't like me.

I can genuinely not believe they're tired of running around, but I won't point it out so that it doesn't change.

Maybe I'll actually have the chance to focus now, but then Anakin shifts closer, lightly resting his head against my arm, and Aniya is soon doing likewise.

I... have very badly wanted a nap from the moment the tooka menace was unleashed in the first place and even if sleeping next to the thing is probably a bad idea, I can't do much when the twins are curled up against me, anyway.

I wasn't actually intending to fall asleep, but I wake up at the sound of the door opening, Qui-Gon stepping inside.

So nice of him to show up now after the nightmare is finally over.

"Finally back to remove this... pathetic lifeform from my apartment?" I demand. The twins are still sleeping, or I think they'd be gravely offended at the name.

"You don't appear to mind it," Qui-Gon replies, traitorously looking like he's about to laugh.

I huff, frustrated. "You weren't here to see the chaos it was causing, Master. It was attempting to shred all of my robes."

I'm fairly certain it's only through years of being a Jedi Master that he doesn't outright laugh at my very legitimate complaint.

"And the twins spent the whole afternoon running around chasing it until it ended up in the garbage," I grumble.

Qui-Gon doesn't even try to stop the chuckle that escapes him. "Yes, I'm here to pick her up."

The twins blink awake, sitting up. "What's happening?" Anakin asks, rubbing his eyes.

"Time for your pet to go," I reply, standing and straightening my robes.

"Already?" Aniya asks, disappointed.

"I found somewhere to drop it off," Qui-Gon replies, "But you can come along if you want."

"Can we bring another one home sometime?" Anakin inquires hopefully, as he and Aniya head for the door.

Please no.

"I don't think Obi-Wan would be too happy about that," Qui-Gon responds, dryly.

"I think that is unnecessary. I doubt that was in any way related to your mission," I interject.

The twins look at me with that puppy eyes face again, and will they please stop blinking in unison again? And no, I'm absolutely not going to give in.

I will not. How much they want it will not change how annoying it is to have an animal running lose in here. Especially when I have to watch over both of them at the same time.

"Maybe some other time," Qui-Gon answers for me as he ushers them out the door.

I have a bad feeling about this.

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