With two weeks left until the Chuunin exams I was put on a three man genin squad with no sensei. It worked like that sometimes, when three individuals were apart of apprenticeships and needed to enter the Chuunin exams in a country where a full squad was a requirement, but I knew something was up whenever I first saw them in the Hokage's office. One of them was familiar, despite how long it had been since I'd seen their face on paper or screen, and the age difference to when they appeared there. I kind of hated how well he pulled off that crop top, too. The other person on my team was a Yamanaka, a boy two years older than me with hair as long as Ino's, done up in a high ponytail. He looked basically like a male Ino, only with a toned down sense of fashion, it was kind of creepy, actually.

The Hokage had gathered us together, pointed out that all of us had been apprenticed to a jounin rather than put on a squad, that all of us had been nominated for the exams, and that we would be working together on missions for the next week or so. We were dismissed to introduce ourselves and then pick up a d-rank or recruit one of our sensei's to head a C-rank with us if we thought we were up for it. It was an awkward silence that surrounded us as we walked through the halls and I'm only slightly ashamed of myself to admit that I broke first, opening the door to the nearest conference room that I felt was empty and ushering my new (most likely temporary) team inside. My mind was flashing through all possible reasons Sai was placed on my team, like maybe Danzo wasn't actually dead and now the root operative was to keep an eye on me, or maybe since I was the reason the kid didn't have a place anymore the Hokage took petty revenge in making him my responsibility. I had no idea, but I would have to work with it.

I took a seat in the first available chair, thrilled that I found one that swiveled, and proceeded to turn it in circles while I spoke.

"So, I'm Asuka, pleased to meet you. I like dango, seals, katon and raiton jutsu, as well as dogs. I dislike tomatoes, sappy movies, and people who kick cats. I'm a bit terrible at genjutsu and my taijutsu needs work, I'm a sensor and I tend to get distracted if there's something terribly complicated being done with chakra nearby."

I paused in my twirling of the chair to point to the Yamanaka first, who hesitated for half a second before sitting across from me, leaving the former(?) root operative to take the head of the table.

"My name is Yamanaka Ichiyo, I like gyoza, volcano facts, and...sheep. I dislike reptiles, the color purple, and cold days. My taijutsu could also do with some improvement, though I have been trained extensively in genjutsu. I have very few jutsu besides illusions and clan techniques."

I logged the possible jealousy towards his clan's heiress because come on, who else was associated with the color purple, but also made the mental note that I could be very wrong about that assessment. We both turned to our other teammate and he cocked his head at us, bland smile on his face.

"My name is Sai, I don't see how my likes or dislikes apply here. I could improve my speed and personal jutsu."

Ichiyo and I exchanged a look before I rolled my eyes,

"Well Sai, what food you like is important because we are going to have lunch together as a first step towards familiarizing ourselves with one another and that information is necessary when choosing a place to eat. General dislikes are good to know so they can be avoided or overcome if they progress to crippling fear or rage, and before anyone protests about getting to know one another there is always the possibility someone could be replaced and that familiarity with one another could reveal the switch."

I waited for him to accede the point before grinning at both of them,

"We're also going to be friends, whether you like it or not, so brace yourselves."

I whipped out a roll of paper and a brush, drawing two straight lines to create three columns and then shearing the sheet off with careful application of the chakra scalpels Sakura and I had perfected together on one lazy afternoon. I wrote our names at the top of each column and slid it into the middle of the three of us.

"Alright, let's get down to it. General strengths and weaknesses."

Sai tilted his head, expression not changing in the slightest.

"May I inquire as to why we're engaging in this activity?"

I beamed at him, glad he was interacting with us at least.

"Excellent question. We're doing this because our squad has a speciality. All squads are geared towards one purpose or another, and no squad is just thrown together, despite what they would want us to think. We wouldn't have been put onto a squad willy-nilly just to go through the exams, that's not how this village works, and they would only allow their best possible squad combinations to participate in the exams and represent the village as a whole. So, obviously we have a purpose, we just need to figure it out."

By that point I had said 'squad' so many times the word was starting to lose meaning.

After three hours, and much arguing, we came to the conclusion that we could very well be geared towards information gathering, like the Ino-Shika-Chou classic combo. There was Ichiyo as the Yamanaka obviously, and then either Sai or I could play Nara or Akimichi in a pinch seeing as we had ways to trap someone (my barriers and his ink traps) and destructive capabilities (again, seals in my case along with Uchiha fire jutsu, and then again, his ink). Sai was of the opinion (and wasn't I surprised to find out he had one) that we could be a frontline assault team if we could bring Ichiyo up to snuff.

We decided against running a D-rank, and then Ichiyo's sensei was pronounced out of the village, mine on guard duty, and Sai's 'unavailable'. Instead we found a training ground and drew straws. It was myself against the Yamanaka first, with the sour faced blonde standing in the clearing and automatically trying to form the seal for his clan jutsu once Sai's hand dropped. I really didn't want a Yamanaka in my head, baby one or not. Instead I went for the jugular, figuratively...sort of. He'd admitted to needing taijutsu help, like me. But my idea of 'need help' and his were most likely drastically different seeing as I regularly trained with Might Guy and Rock Lee.

We took turns pummeling one another until the sun went down, and by the end of it all of us were slightly singed, covered in ink, and significantly less awkward. My current solution for the Sai dilemma was the same as what I remembered in the original story, friendship and exposure to Naruto. I was aware that using the 'power of friendship' as a legit tactic would likely have my 'badass ninja' status revoked in some way, but it was a genuine solution. Kid needed a support system, and my way of doing that was sinking my claws in mercilessly and adding him to my collection.

We were arguing as I maneuvered us through the village to Ichiraku's, or rather Sai and Ichiyo were arguing while I mediated/amused myself with the Yamanaka's misery. The dark haired boy smiled blandly at our blonde teammate, not showing any signs of being aggravated with the repetitive nature of the argument.

"But Yamanaka-san the color purple holds no negative or positive attributes, how can it be found offensive?"

"I told you, it's Ichiyo, and the color is loud and pretentious!"

"I still do not see how a pigment can achieve volume or have a personality trait."

Ichiyo made a sound that was a cross between a steaming kettle and an offended cow, which nearly had me in tears as we shuffled into the restaurant I'd chosen, though I got myself together once I saw Naruto and Sasuke were there as well. Sasuke didn't look too happy about being there, but then again, when did he? I quickly arranged us, sliding Sasuke over and placing Sai between Naruto and myself with Ichiyo at the end. I waved at Teuchi while I introduced everyone,

"This is my new team for the exams, and for ever because they're mine now, I'd like to see someone try to take them away. Team, this is my family. Merge into one for all I care, just please try to at least get along."

Naruto almost immediately found out about Sai's near utter lack of personality and set into work on it just as I had hoped, and Sasuke observed and logged facts that I would extract from him later. Ichiyo and Sasuke actually got along fairly well, with the two seemingly bonding over their shared personality traits and too-upbeat teammates. I wasn't sure how I felt about being the 'Naruto' of my team in the personality regard, but I'd do my best to fill those shoes.

I elbowed Sasuke in the side, causing the fish cake gripped in his chopsticks to sink back into broth. He turned a level three bitchface on me,

"What?"

"Where's Sakura-chan?"

He turned back to his ramen, fishing out the fishcake again,

"Kakashi-sensei is with her at the hospital, they're getting her some med-nin training on the side."

"Wait, he actually broke and asked someone else to help train one of his genin?"

He smirked, faintly, as he jerked his head towards where Naruto was attempting to forcefully feed Sai a piece of beef, Ichiyo watching it all with pained amusement, not paying us any attention.

"Well, Naruto may have orchestrated the theft of a rather important novel to hold hostage to get him to comply."

My eyes grew wide and I held out a hand, making a 'gimme' motion. The book was slapped into it with no hesitation at all.

"He get's it back once Sakura masters a medical jutsu, doesn't matter which one."

I mentally noted the dropping of honorifics between teammates as I slipped the orange covered monstrosity into my weapons pouch, nodding.

"Not keen to hold onto it?"

He tsked, face coloring slightly,

"He's more likely to attempt to circumvent our agreement if he knows where it is...not to mention that it's pure filth, and I don't want it in my apartment."

"...you read it?"

"All three of us passed it around between us. Naruto got furthest before Sakura took it from him and decided none of us needed to know exactly what was in it."

"Probably a good choice." For actual children. I was going to read the shit out of it. Knowing the way this society worked verses the one I'd come from in a previous life I was guaranteed to have read worse. Probably including fanfiction involving the people I saw every day. Aaaaaand I didn't want to think about that, MOVING ON!

Ichiyo left first, citing clan something or another, and when Sai attempted to slide away I acted.

"Ma, Sai, where do you think you're going?"

"I have things to see to."

"What things?"

"...personal things."

"Are they of the utmost importance?"

"Not in the strictest sense."

"Then in that case I'm stealing you."

I looped an arm through his and waved to the boys as I walked my new teammate away from the ramen stand, feeling the slight blip in his chakra that came from confusion. It was sooo much easier to read even tamped down and near nonexistent emotion whenever I was touching someone directly. Sai didn't make a move to escape even as he pointed out the flaw in my wording.

"Technically it would be abduction since I am not an object. It also makes no sense for you to 'steal' me, as-"

I cut him off as I flopped a hand, keeping my arm locked through his as I did so.

"It's a turn of phrase, meant to convey that since you don't have anything that needs to be done absolutely right now then there was something I wished to do with you."

"Then why did you not say so?"

"Because socializing is weird and people spent so much effort to make up all kinds of fancy ways of saying something without actually saying it that I might as well use them? I don't know really why we say things a certain way, but it may take an in depth study of language and culture if you really want to know the why."

He didn't respond for a second, mulling it over. When he finally looked over at me there was no bland smile.

"Is it really so difficult, to understand others?"

The question sent a thrill of excitement through me at the possibility of him wanting to try to understand. I smiled as gently as possible.

"In some ways. In others it's simple, just feeling it out and doing what you think is right."

He outright frowned at this,

"Feeling. Such a vague strategy."

I shrugged, bringing his arm up slightly with my own.

"Then make a strategy. What do you want to do?"

"Specify."

"What is it that you want to accomplish?"

"...I do not understand the question."

I groaned, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my free hand before looking back up at the confused ninja.

"Everyone has a goal in life, whether it's simple or extreme. Some have vague goals. For example Naruto wishes to become the Hokage. Lee, a genin I know, wishes to become known for being a brilliant shinobi through only the use of Taijutsu. Shino, an Aburame I graduated with, wishes to discover some new type of bug, or beetle or something."

"And what do you want?"

I paused for only a second before shrugging again.

"I'm one of the vague ones. I want everyone to be safe and happy. I'm not so much working towards a goal as I am taking everything one step at a time and reacting in such a way as to keep a status quo."

"You wish for world peace then?"

There was no disdain in his voice, and I glanced up at his impassive face even as I felt the indifference in his chakra.

"Well, I guess, in the way that everyone wants the world to calm the fu-um, heck down. But my main concern is my family and my friends, and my village, and my superiors, and then I guess the innocents of the world. Huh, I guess you weren't that wrong."

"...precious people. Naruto mentioned as much when speaking about his own goals."

I let him stew on that as I dragged him to a cafe, forcing him to try desert after desert until he found one he liked and actually admitted to it. After that it was rather late and I allowed him to go his own way, first making sure that he knew when and where we were meeting the next day.

"This is not what you told Ichiyo before."

"I'm aware, but he'll get there eventually, just not tomorrow."

"I see."

I'm very certain he did not 'see' but that he had learned saying as much shut me up. The next morning he knocked on the door of my apartment and was welcomed with more or less open arms and sleepy faces at the breakfast table. Naruto and Sasuke were unhappy with the company when I told them he was going to arrive soon, but I shut that shit down quickly.

"He's very obviously emotionally stunted and I suspect he was forced to undergo training that was detrimental to his mental health. He's part of my team now, and I thought you respected what Kakashi-sensei taught you."

It was underhanded of me to bring up the 'those who leave friends behind are trash' card, but I was desperate to get Sai accepted into the fold as quickly as possible, and with a few warnings as to his quirks and level of trustworthiness of course. My words were probably still hanging in their heads as they included him in the morning conversation, eyes sharper than normal and a few of the questions more pointed. I was extremely proud of the subtlety Naruto was showing, it had been awhile since I'd seen him yell and point and be dramatic after all.

I was seeing the both of them less and less lately. Naruto and I were once joined at the hip, he once mentioned his earliest memories all included me in some way or another. He accepted that life would call for us to be apart sometimes, but we always made sure to check on one another, to be up to date in each others lives. It's what had gotten him truly angry about not being aware of the missions I'd run before. I wouldn't make that mistake again.

But just like it had taken only a small push to get Naruto to accept Sasuke, and to get the both of them to accept Shikamaru and Chouji were friends of mine, it took only a little bit of meddling from me and they were trying to understand Sai, to get him to open up and to feel. The poor boy never stood a chance.

As the most forceful personality of the group (even though I was mostly channeling Naruto) I got our team together every day for three days in a row and got us to train together from dawn till dusk. For most of it we were alone, though I regularly crashed the party on Team Sevens training in the gap between when they arrived and Kakashi graced them with his presence. I was always quick to leave when I felt him coming. If there was anyone at all that would notice and point out my hero worship for the jounin it was the people savvy Yamanaka or the blunt as hell former (?!) root operative.

We ran one D-rank mission. Tora. That damn cat. Don't get me wrong, I love cats, impossible not to after all the time I spent with the summons of the Uchiha clan. But after every mission involving that demon feline I found myself claiming adamantly to be a dog person. Sai, the bastard, immediately chose then in the middle of the Hokage tower, to throw out his newest observation.

"Then why do you run from Hatake-san? Does he not summon dogs? One would think you would get along. Has he offended you in some way?"

I could practically hear the eavesdropping begin. To make matters worse, Nonami was there, and she scented blood. If I wasn't hanging around Kakashi then I was free to be stolen. I gave a bone deep sigh before closing my eyes to concentrate better and spread my range, locating my sensei. He was at home, probably sleeping, but the man had returned from his mission long enough ago that I held zero guilt for planning to wake him.

"How about we find Genma-sensei and get that C-rank."

I gripped both of their arms and tugged them along in my shunshin, leaving them to stumble behind me as I dashed towards my sensei's apartment. They kept pace, neither speaking for several seconds until Sai broke the silence.

"Was there something wrong with my observation?"

I glanced at him, kicking myself for momentarily forgetting his status as 'stunted'. I couldn't very well leave him feeling guilty for no reason, no matter how much a vindictive part of me wanted to.

"I haven't wanted to disrupt Team Sevens training. But...there are those who I don't want to know I'm no longer hanging around Kakashi-sensei. I've been using him as a shield lately, and now they know that shield is gone."

I was pulled to a halt and then into an alley as Sai regarded me seriously, Ichiyo behind him.

"Are you in danger because of my actions?"

I shook my head, looking to Ichiyo for backup and finding no help there, only a stoic sort of concern.

"There are some jounin who request me for missions that I don't wish to run, when I'm in no state to run them. Fear of Kakashi-sensei is what keeps them at bay. Genma-sensei is also a good deterrent, but we really do need to take that C-rank before it gets too close to the exams."

They let it go, but they still looked around the mission room warily when we were getting our mission. I've no doubt Sai took note of a disappointed Sonada, and I was positive I saw Ichiyo eyeing Anko warily though that could be because it's Anko. I pushed it from my mind, focusing instead on the mission at hand while Genma briefed us on the walk out of the village later that same day.

"Alright kiddies, this is a standard 'run the scroll from point A to point B' mission, and there's absolutely no way for us to mess this up."

It shows how much Sai had been hanging around me already that he turned his eyes to his closest teammate, Ichiyo in this case, and inquired,

"Does this apply as 'jinxing us'?"

Ichiyo choked, almost tripping while I cackled on the other side of Genma who was wilting a bit. The Yamanaka gave a rare crooked grin before shaking his head.

"That's to be decided."

Sai nodded thoughtfully,

"So if things go wrong then Genma-taichos words may be blamed?"

I was having trouble breathing and Ichiyo's smile turned sharklike,

"Of course!"

"It may all be blamed on the jinx Genma-taicho placed upon us at the beginning."

The Hokage looked over his pipe at the (former?!) root operative, a bewildered smile fixed on his face.

"Oh?"

Sai nodded sagely as I choked on a laugh at Genma's comically betrayed expression.

"Indeed, with his intonation of there being 'no way we could mess this up'."

Ichiyo didn't bother to hide it, openly cackling at our poor leaders expression. I could see Inoichi shuffling through paperwork in the corner of the room freeze and look over at his clan member in confusion, and couldn't help the thrill of satisfaction. Score one for me, getting the Yamanaka kid to loosen up a bit. Genma snapped me out of my mental pat on the back with a huff,

"How was I supposed to know Kusa was after the artifact in the scroll?"

Sai, bless him, actually shrugged.

"I'm not versed in the nature of the jinx, taicho."

I beamed at him, ignoring the jolt of pain from what was no doubt a crack in one of the bones in my leg. It hadn't been a 'good' mission, per say, but it had been good for team bonding if anything. It had been especially good for Ichiyo, who no doubt had been told repeatedly by his sensei that there was no way he had a future as a field nin, and that he should settle for T&I. What I'd picked up about his sensei did not endear me to them.

The Hokage just sighed, sitting back in his chair and motioning at Genma for him to report. The jounin rubbed his face in exasperation before speaking.

"We made it three fourths of the way there before we were accosted by two chuunin from the hidden Grass village, during their banter we learned they were hired by the brother of the client to steal what he thought was his rightful share of the inheritance. The team responded well, and we incapacitated the nin and left them trapped." he glanced over at me and I picked up my small portion of the story. "They remained in the barrier for four hours before someone of jounin level, likely their squad leader, managed to break them out from outside of the sealed area. By this point the mission was complete and we were well on our way back." Genma picked up the narrative again with a shrug, "And we didn't encounter them again, or any other trouble for that matter."

The Hokage chewed thoughtfully on his pipe as he considered the ramifications of letting the Grass nin live before he nodded,

"You did well, I would hate for Kusagakure to hold a grudge for a mission clashing mishap so close to the exams. Get yourselves checked out and prepare for the exams, no more missions above D-rank until after the exams are finished or you've dropped out of them one way or another. That's an order."

I nearly wept in relief, by making it an order directly from the Hokage Nonami couldn't do shit about it, I wouldn't have to bug Genma or risk bringing my new team near Kakashi. Of course thinking that 'jinxed' me. Our after mission trip to Ichiraku's that we conned out of Genma brought us face to face with Team Seven, already eating there as well. Sakura was the one to spot us first, leaving me no room to 'change my mind' and drag us off to another place.

"Asuka! Bring your team over here, Kakashi-sensei was just mentioning he hadn't met them yet."

Oh boy. It hadn't occurred to me that he would also take an interest in them. Well, if he knew something fishy was going on with Sai then surely he would warn me? Or maybe he wouldn't notice, or would think I knew, or any number of things. Yeah, I couldn't count on the Copy-nin to keep me updated.

Kakashi eyed each boy lazily as they introduced themselves, it may be my imagination that his eye lingered on Sai more than Ichiyo. Then his eyes turned to me and he sat up straight, looking the most serious that I'd seen him outside the one incident with Danzo and stolen eyeballs. He held out a hand expectantly,

"Sakura-chan here mastered the diagnostic jutsu. All terms and conditions were met, gimme."

I should have known. The moment the book was back in his possession he disappeared from the ramen stand, likely leaving us with the bill while he was at it. The rest of Team Seven chased after their sensei after paying their bill and splitting his amongst themselves, leaving only my team behind with Genma-sensei sitting down next to me and barely waiting for our order to be placed before asking,

"Do I want to know why or even how you had Kakashi's Icha Icha?"

"The how is Naruto and the why is Sakura."

"...I'm not following."

Ichiyo answered for me, running a hand through his long hair to free the twigs and leaves he'd picked up during the mission.

"Naruto stole it to blackmail their sensei into swallowing his pride and getting Sakura-san a medic-nin tutor."

"And he went along with it instead of killing them?!"

Sai's brow furrowed and he turned in his seat to face Genma head on.

"Hatake-san is a loyal jounin, he would never stoop to harming a comrade for something as trivial as an easily replaceable book."

I elbowed him in the side, much the way I did Sasuke when he went too broody,

"It's not meant that way. It's a hyperbole, an exaggeration. He's trying to convey shock at both how a jounin was tricked by genin, as well as why he went along with their whims once realizing what had happened rather than using the skill of a jounin to unmake their operation at that point."

"...I see."

I was starting to hate that phrase because I could never tell if he really understood or just wanted me to stop saying things. Giving up on figuring out which one it was this time I turned back to Genma, who was watching us with a strange expression on his face.

"To answer your question it was Naruto who set the trap, that kid catches Anbu in snares on a daily basis, and Kakashi-sensei likely didn't find out that I had the book until the demands were met anyway."

Ichiyo huffed into his tea, green eyes rolling.

"Don't know why it wouldn't occur to him, you three have no boundaries anyway. Four, I suppose, you've absorbed poor Sakura-san into your little cult."

"We're not a cult!"

He put the tea down before turning to face me, a very good imitation of Sasuke's bitchface number five in place, eyebrow motion and all.

"Really? Because the bloody murals on all of your walls just scream wholesome decoration."

"Those are protection seals! You know it's fuinjutsu."

"Do I? Do I really?"

Sai looked up from where he was sketching something placing the paper between the three of us and nodding to himself.

"Ichiyo has a point, these are what I've observed of the visible seals we helped you place on the walls of Sasuke-san's apartment two days ago, and there are several characters that I do not recognize."

I scowled as he pointed out the English and Tolkien's Elvish characters, pre-prepared excuse waiting for when this day would come.

"Of course you wouldn't, they're mine."

"...yours?"

I'd almost forgotten that Genma-sensei was there with us.

"Well, yeah. Fuinjutsu is basically taking down instructions for the natural world to follow and then using pure intent, will power, and chakra to bend said natural world to follow those instructions. So I wrote things that only make sense to me, and the intent is what creates an effect. What is language but a construct of the human mind, anyway? There was no rule that said I couldn't just poof a new language into being and have fuinjutsu work for it too, so I did so. It makes it pretty much impossible for anyone, even a seal master, to figure out what the hell it does if they don't know the language. Think of it as an eternity code, if you'd like. Although simply 'feeling out the intent' is possible it's extremely difficult and tremendously time consuming."

Genma looked pained,

"That's incredibly dangerous. Do you have any idea how that could go wrong?"

"I do indeed. It's why I had all of Team Seven helping with development of the language, and we tested it with simple seals before incorporating them into anything else. I don't use that technique in the official seals I send to R&D or T&I, only the seals that could be faced with someone wanting to pick them apart, it's too tedious to do otherwise."

Ichiyo huffed,

"Asuka, if you have language only the four of you know that you use in your little seal rituals then it's definitely a cult."

"It's not a cult! Sai, tell him!"

"It is most likely not intended to be a cult." He turned to me, "Like that?"

I sighed, "Close enough."

~TimeLordOfPie