Even days later, filing into the arena with the rest of the competing Genin, the Kusa-nin avoided Hinata and me like the plague. I grinned at her, and though her returning smile was tiny I knew she was getting just as much dopamine from the reaction as I was. Kiba had been wary of us ever since that night, seeing as Akamaru had refused to divulge what we'd done. This was less due to the heinous nature of our acts (as Kiba no doubt assumed), and more due to how many treats and ear scratches we had given the nin-dog.

All of that faded out of mind as we settled into formation. The Hokage stood in the center of the stone balcony at the front, white hat and robes in place as he examined us all. After a few moments of shuffling, we all went silent. He stepped forward, voice echoing through the arena.

"Congratulations, on passing the second phase of the Chuunin exams. Unfortunately, too many contestants have proceeded to the next phase. Therefore, we must hold a preliminary round." Unlike in that show, there were no shouts of protest. This was a military dictator laying down the law. Even if he wasn't their military dictator, not even Gaara was willing to protest. I had less than a second to wonder at the differences between this life I was living and a show geared towards pre-teens before the Hokage was speaking again.

"That said, a very good showing was made. Many groups brought back more scrolls than were required, with the record being twenty-two extra scrolls."

That was ours. I was slightly proud, there had been 120 genin teams at the start of the exams. No matter how many or few had passed the first test it was still a nice number that we had eliminated. The Hokage made subtle eye contact with each of us from Team Sai, I made sure to keep my expression at a bland smile, which he met with an indulgent look of his own. It was brief, the Hokage looking to the rest of the genin present,

"The preliminary phase will begin now, as one on one matches. Please clear the arena floor."

We moved rapidly, village lines clearly drawn by which sides we ended up on. The Suna team still ended up on the same row as Konoha. It made sense, by alliance lines. It took me a second to remember that I was the only one who knew for certain that Suna was allied with Oto, intending to bring us down. Nominally, Suna was still our ally. Definitely something to keep in mind. Once we were in place the Hokage continued,

"The preliminary matches will be randomly generated. Good luck to all!"

It was only as the generator whirled that I realized he had never allowed preemptive forfeit. I had no idea if that was a dimensional difference or entirely my fault for some reason, but either way, Kabuto was still among us. The generator started up and we filed into place. My team was between Team Seven and Team Eight. The sensei appeared behind us and I couldn't help but relax slightly in the presence of Genma and Kakashi, despite my nerves about the matches. The first name on the generator whirled to a stop.

'Ito Taisho'. Not a name I knew. Apparently, one of the Kusa genin we had terrorized judging by the way one of them jumped. The second part of the generator stopped. 'Yakushi Kabuto'. He stepped forward, forfeiting without entering the arena. His excuse of just arriving was met with disbelief from all of the rookies who had seen him near the tower as we fled the sannin. Sensing eyes on me I turned slightly, making eye contact with Shikamaru, far down the line on the same balcony. I managed to sign the Konoha standard for 'later' and 'briefing' before the proctor stopped pronouncing the results and the wheel began to spin again.

'Kinuta Dosu'. Ah, the Sound-nin who had knocked himself out inside my barrier. Who, in another life, had died at Gaara's whim. Good to know that the thing seemed to actually be random. The wheel spun to a stop once more.

'Inuzuka Kiba'. I couldn't stop myself from pivoting toward where his team stood to my left. "The sound part of the headband isn't a gimmick. He uses sound waves out of that thing attached to his arm. He's going to go for your eardrums first."

"Thanks, Asuka-chan, but we've got this, don't we Akamaru?"

They did not, in fact, 'have this'. The moment the proctor's hand fell a burst of wind, or sound, took Kiba and Akamaru off their feet, sending them into the wall behind them. From the rubble, a fang over fang emerged, following Dosu as he attempted to dodge. All attempts at sound manipulation were met with failure. Kiba and Akamaru chased him around the arena relentlessly, despite his assault on the eardrums and the dust in the air blocking sight. It was only near the end, five minutes after the beginning of the match, that it dawned on him that the man and dog combo were tracking him through scent. It was an anime-worthy realization that never the less made me certain this sound-nin must be impaired in some way. Even if anime logic applied sometimes in this world, it would never apply in such a way to obscure the dog+scent aspect of reality, surely?

Either way, Kiba and Akamaru won, barely. The two of them walked out of the arena but were snapped up by the medics and shuffled off to no doubt have their eardrums repaired.

The generator whirled again, 'Narita Tanaka'. Another unknown name, one of the Ame shinobi made their way down to the floor as the second name whirled to a stop. 'Tenten'. She passed me on her way to the stairs,

"Water natured?"

I shrugged one shoulder, "Yeah, trained in some earth jutsu too."

"Got it. Thanks."

"No problem."

I kept my focus on the match happening below us, even as I felt Kurenai-sensei's eyes on me.

"You can tell elemental nature through chakra signature?"

"Of course. You learned a water-natured jutsu sometime this month, right?"

She stiffened slightly before forcefully relaxing, something I barely caught from the corner of my eye. "I did."

Genma dropped a hand onto my beanie, skewing it as I watched Tenten's opponent narrowly avoid being skewered. The guy was starting to panic. I was brought out of my observation when Genma spoke,

"Ignore her, she's not usually this creepy about it. What's got you on edge, anyway? You know Tenten-chan has this handled."

"It's not Tenten I'm worried about."

"Well, all of your little friends are very prepared, you saw to that."

I took a deep breath in to avoid rolling my eyes. "Sensei. Someone, in particular, is very upset at the poor showing their genin put in."

I didn't have to wait long for him to put it together that I meant Orochimaru in disguise.

"Ah. Yeah. I guess sensing that would put me in a mood, too."

Some jounin signs happened out of general genin understanding, Kurenai's chakra shivering just slightly when she was caught up on what I mean. Before anyone could comment further the match was called in Tenten's favor. The proctor called a slight recess so that the weapons in the arena could be cleared out, and a chuunin came in with an earth jutsu to smooth the walls and floor again. I listened to Naruto chattering at Kakashi with half an ear, tuning in more when I realized which story he was telling. The forest. Yikes. I was going to be arrested for child abuse. Could I? Since I had also been a child at the time? And didn't have custody of anyone? I grimaced just as the dreaded portion came up. Maybe he wouldn't mention it?

"-and then the lady knocked me out for killing her snake and I woke up here and Ichiyo showed up and told me where to find Sasuke and Sasuke was still asleep but Asuka was there and I asked if she had scared off the snake lady because yeah snake lady was scary but I bet Asuka could take her because-"

Yeah, story time is over. This was almost worse than the child abuse tidbit. "Naruto, breathe. And remember sentences are supposed to end. Also, I won't be fighting your 'snake lady'. Genma-sensei would kill me."

"Damn straight. The only snake lady you're fighting is Anko."

I tilted my head back to beam up at him without turning around, "I can spar with Anko again? Thanks, Sensei!"

He stared down at me blankly for a second before glancing at Naruto, then back to me.

"I think I've been played, but I'm not sure how."

Sasuke and Sakura snorted at him in tandem before glaring at each other briefly. What was up with that? I raised an eyebrow at Naruto, who shrugged. Turning to Kakashi just meant seeing the cover of his book instead of even a small bit of his face. I rolled my eyes at him, elbowing Sai.

"What did I miss?"

Sai opened his mouth, obviously knowledgeable on the subject, but was interrupted by a pink blur. Sakura clamped a hand over his mouth, "Not a word."

Before I could even attempt to pry into that mess the proctor called our attention down to him again and the generator whirled. 'Akahito'. I had no idea who that was, but one of our poor terrorized Kusa genin made his way to the floor. He stared at the second name as it whirled, visibly nervous. He relaxed at the name, though I could have told him he'd have been lucky to get Hinata or myself, even as terrified as he was. 'Gaara of the Sand'.

I breathed in slowly then sighed, deeply from the chest as Gaara appeared on the arena floor in a whirl of sand.

"The Kusa-nin is going to die."

Those around me looked my way, though it was Ichiyo who asked, "How do you know?"

"...it's difficult to explain. But he's already decided." The proctor let his hand drop, jumping out of the way. Akahito jumped backward to create distance between them, drawing a kunai as it went. Tendrils of sand were already reaching toward him. "He's going to kill him."

Several of the rookie genin flinched away at the sound of crunching bones, of blood sloshing out of the saturated sand. I didn't look away, trying to take in details that may be useful later.

"You remember what I told you, Sasuke?"

"...yeah. I see what you mean now."

I nodded absently, "Everyone's learning a lightning jutsu after this."

Ichiyo shuddered, "Why?"

"Turns sand to glass."

We were all silent as the proctor let out a low-powered water jutsu to flush the rest of the blood down small drains at the side of the arena. The Kusa team, the two who were left, were staring blankly at the scene. I almost felt bad, now, for terrorizing them as I had during the week. The proctor didn't say another word, just set the generator running again. 'Haru'. One of the yellow-suited Ame-nin slowly made their way to the arena floor, eyeing the sand nin warily. Unfortunately for him, the names slid to a stop. 'Temari of the Sand'. Fucking yikes. No one was surprised when Haru threw up a hand and started walking back to his team.

"I forfeit!"

Temari looked a little put-out but leaned back against the railing. I rolled my eyes, something Sai caught.

"She would not have killed him?"

"Probably not. Still wouldn't have gone well for him. He has no elemental leaning, so probably a weapon, poison, etc. Not something to use when going against a battle fan, especially something that size."

Kakashi spoke up from behind us, book lowered slightly, "Does she have the reserves to use that fan?"

I glanced over at him, "Yeah, for a bit. At least three jutsu of middling strength, maybe some more small ones. Her control seems average from here."

He hummed before tapping his closest genin, Naruto, on the head with the spine of his book before bringing it back up to his face, "Keep that in mind if you have to fight her, kids."

The first name popping up stopped Naruto from responding, 'Asuka'.

The next name stopped before I could even step toward the arena. 'Kankuro of the Sand'.

I snorted, "You know what, I don't think this is random." It was possible for it to hit on all three sand siblings and pit them against nameless genin one after another, but I doubted that was the case. Genma gave me a gentle pat on the top of the head.

"You doing this? After that show? I get if you wanna bow out, that was…intense."

I let out a burst of laughter, unable to help it. "Sensei, he uses puppets. I'm gonna fuckin' wreck him."

"Huh. Try not to scar the kid for life, then."

I made my way to the stairs, noticing that Kankuro hadn't moved yet. Behind me, there were the whispers of Sakura explaining that puppet users relied on chakra strings to the genin gathered there. I barely suppressed a smirk as I reached the arena floor and Naruto started cackling. I reached the center of the arena, crossing my arms to look up at where Kankuro still hadn't moved.

"You forfeiting, then?"

I barely had to raise my voice in the silence, clearly hearing the 'tch' noise he made as he hopped the railing, landing lightly and stalking to stand across from me. "I think that's my line."

I expanded my sixth sense, having kept it fairly tamped down with two jinchuuriki in the room. I kept it centered on the arena, but could still feel worry from the two friendly genin teams who hadn't been close enough to hear me out Kankuro as a puppeteer, or Sakura's explanation of what that meant. I smiled blandly at him, "It really isn't."

He rolled his eyes, I had to give him that much, his illusion on the puppet pretending to be him was fairly spot on. Then again, all that chakra string usage meant his chakra control had to be immaculate, so of course his genjutsu use was good.

The proctor's hand dropped and he leapt out of the way, noticeably quicker than before Gaara had put on his show. We jumped back, putting distance between each other. Before I hit the ground I loosed a senbon, the puppet didn't bother to dodge as it went obviously wide but dropped to the ground as the needle hit a tenketsu in the shoulder of the actual nin. I heard a sharp intake of air from Neji, whose Byakugan was activated. A muttered explanation happened somewhere on the balcony and I tuned it out to focus on the fight at hand.

A poof of smoke and the illusion fell, Kankuro standing and ripping the needle from his shoulder, scowling. "Lucky shot. I hope you're not stupid enough to try to poison a Sand-nin. Karasu's got more poison in his little finger than your entire village even knows how to make."

I snorted, unable to help it at the thought that this guy did almost die of poison later in life. The reaction was easy to work into context, "Buddy, if I ever start to goddamn monologue like you do then I hope my friends will be kind enough to put me out of my misery."

Sasuke, the little shit, piped up from the balcony, smirking, "Noted."

I rolled my eyes, Kankuro taking the opportunity of my not looking directly at him to attach chakra strings to 'Karasu' and send it flying my way, mouth opening and needles flying. One shunshin step and I was behind the puppet. I swiped a kunai downwards, up, then down again in three precise arcs, surging lightning chakra through it. The kunai was ruined, a smoking, charred mess, but every single chakra string snapped. Kankuro's eyes widened and he stumbled backward as the puppet fell.

"That's not possible!"

I shrugged, the shadow clone I'd positioned behind him dropping the genjutsu and placing a kunai to his jugular. "Things always seem impossible until they're done."

I couldn't remember who'd said that in my past life, eyes flicking from Kankuro to the proctor. After a second, and a slightly firmer press of the kunai Kankuro stuttered out,

"I forfeit!"

I smirked, unable to help myself. "There's your line!"

The clone burst even as the proctor announced my victory. I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I meandered up the stairs, smiling slightly at the cheering Naruto was doing. I barely made it up the stairs before he launched himself forward, limbs wrapped around me like a strange orange limpet.

"Ne, Asuka! That was so cool! You barely moved!" He chattered on, holding onto me as I walked us closer to the group. As we approached Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I think that was some monologuing at the end."

"Nah, that was just life advice."

"Really? 'There's your line'?"
"Well, I thought it was funny."

Sakura stuck her head around Sasuke, "It was."

"Thanks, see, Sakura's my favorite now."

Ichiyo shoved past the two of them, tugging Naruto until he let go. Then he turned me around a few times, "You didn't get hit? No poison?"

"No poison. Not a scratch."

Genma snatched the beanie off my head, hair falling from where it had been bundled up as he ruffled it. "There's my apprentice! I'll be making the jump to full jounin after this exam for sure!"

I rolled my eyes, pulling away and snatching the beanie back, stuffing my hair back in as best I could. "Nice to see where your priorities are, Sensei."

Down in the arena, Kankuro had finally gathered the pieces of his puppet and his dignity and vacated the premise, the names spinning once again. The first name had already stopped, 'Yamanaka Ino'. The next name stopped and I groaned, "This is so not random."

'Yamanaka Ichiyo'.

I turned to my wide-eyed teammate, grabbing his shoulders and shaking them slightly until he looked at me. "You've got this."

"What? How can I 'got this'? How?! She graduated with you and you kick the shit out of me with both hands tied behind your back!"

"She focuses on her clan techniques, Ichiyo. Not only do you have two extra years of learning those, but you've got tricks she won't know because you don't only focus on clan stuff anymore. Keep in mind that Shikamaru is probably telling her all of this right now because he knows me and will guess I taught you to set shit on fire and ask questions later. Now, get down there and spar your cousin. Be sure to win, I've got money on this."

"You what?!"

I shoved him towards the stairs, "Go forth and conquer!"

Sai called after him, "Please win, I too have money dependant upon your victory."

Ichiyo shot a disbelieving look behind him but then walked down the stairs with his back straight and head held high. As the two cousins reached the center of the arena I glanced at Sai,

"You joined the betting pool?"

Sai's brow furrowed and he looked down at me, "There is actually gambling? I assumed it was to lift his spirits."

"Well, it can't be both?"

Naruto leaned over the railing so he could see me around Sakura, "Ne, Asuka, did you bet on me to win?"

"Of course. You, Sasuke, Sakura. Though I did put an addendum in that if any of you fought Sakura you'd lose. Sorry."

Sakura looked poleaxed even as Naruto chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah, she'd kick my ass."

The flush spread up her face and she elbowed the two of us in the gut,

"Shut up and watch the match!"

Ino had obviously ignored my comment on monologuing because she was saying something about not taking it easy on him because he was her cousin. I snorted, "That'll go over well."

I was right, Ichiyo's eyes narrowed slightly, fingers twitching.

Sasuke hummed, "You taught him the second tier?"

"Nah, just started him on the first."

"Ah. Makes sense, not like you've had him for long."

The first tier of fire for Uchiha was made up of three jutsu. The fireball, phoenix flower, and grand fireball, which was the fireball but…grander. I ignored the sharp look I got from Kurenai as she took in this information. That I knew the first tier of Uchiha jutsu, and that Sasuke approved of me teaching it to others at my own discretion, both were a revelation.

Down below the proctor leapt out of the way not a moment too soon. Ichiyo's hands flew through the signs, fire streaming violently from his mouth. Ino barely dodged, eyes wide.

Sasuke nodded in approval, "Very nice circumference for less than two weeks of training."

I beamed down at Ichiyo as Ino lost an inch or so of hair to another fireball.

"I thought so, too. Lookit him go. And he was worried."

The dance continued for only a few more minutes, Ichiyo spamming phoenix flowers with pinpoint precision as Ino landed from a previous dodge, keeping her moving but with no danger of actually hitting her until she was lying on the floor, chest heaving and unable to move from exertion. She breathlessly called out her forfeit, Ichiyo holding out a hand to help her stand. How sweet, he even helped her up the stairs to her team.

Sakura grimaced, stepping back from the railing. "I better go see how she is. I'll tell her you taught him, that'll make her feel better."

"Be sure not to invalidate his accomplishments just for her ego, that won't help anyone in the end. He didn't win because I taught him something, he won because he learned well and then took that knowledge and applied it appropriately."

She nodded, leaving as Genma's hand landed on my beanie again, "Aw, when did you get so wise? My student, teaching others! The next generation of learning, here already!"

"Swipe the beanie again and I'm bribing Ichiyo to call you 'Jiji-sensei' for the next month."
The hand retracted swiftly from the beanie, leaving a momentary blur of color behind.

"Such a cruel student."

"Learned it from you, Sensei."

Kakashi snorted, "That I believe."

Genma sent him a faux hurt look, his response cut off by Ichiyo appearing beside him, face flushed, both from victory and a few errant burns.

"You were right! I got it!"

I beamed at him, pulling him closer and examining the burns, "Of course you did!"

He grumbled a bit as I turned his face, "Hey, they're not that bad."

Sasuke appeared over his shoulder, having a look as well. "They're not. We'll run drills next week, anyway."

Ichiyo looked at the Uchiha nervously as Sai handed me the burn cream and I started slathering it on his face.

"Ow! We?"

Sasuke visibly contained an eye-roll. "Yes 'we', if you're using Uchiha jutsu then you're going to use them right."

Ichiyo paled immediately, "Uchiha-" He cut himself off with a choked sound, looking at me with wild eyes as I continued to tend the burns. I just hummed in agreement, "Yeah, where do you think I learned to be so creative with fire?"

"I didn't think you learned that from Sasuke!"

"Oh, I didn't learn that from Sasuke." A tension appeared in the air, an elephant in the rough shape of Uchiha Itachi and his penchant for creative torture that I bulldozed over by pointing to the name generator, "Oh look!"

The next name had appeared. 'Tsuchi Kin'.

I reached around Ichiyo to shake Sasuke a bit, "Hey, that's the chick that said they were sent to kill you." He rolled his eyes at me even as the next name stopped. 'Uzumaki Naruto'.

Naruto cheered, "Hell yeah! I'll show you why you don't come after my friends!" He lowered his voice, glancing at me, "She wind too? Like the other guy on her team?"

I shook my head, "Not really. From how she reacted in the forest I have her down as a genjutsu type. Probably with a 'sound' gimmick just to keep with the theme."

He groaned, "Just my luck. Whatever, I'm still kicking her ass for trying to kill Sasuke."

Sasuke huffed in irritation even as Naruto jumped down into the arena. "She didn't get the chance to try."

Genma nudged me, "Yeah, speaking of that, how the hell did they make it here in time? Thought you had them trapped."

"Well, about an hour after we got here someone broke them out from the outside, then spirited them right to the tower."

I didn't need to expand on who that 'someone' was. I grimaced slightly, "Those barriers shattered. Which is useful, actually. It gave me some really good data on how to-"

Genma cut me off with a heavy hand on my shoulder, "Okay, enough of that. If you get started then Kakashi will get started, then we'll miss the whole match just watching you two argue."

I shook his hand off, scowling, "Why am I just now finding out that I'm apparently an argumentative little shit?"

Genma shot me a blatantly false look of surprise, "You mean you didn't know?"

I elbowed him in the gut just as the proctor started the match.

Naruto put his hands in a cross formation instantly, the arena filling with clones. Kin started throwing out senbon with bells on the end, face turning dismayed when she realized they were all solid. With all of them solid and no way to tell which was the real Naruto, she would have to genjutsu all of them just in case. That was a massive expenditure of chakra that she most likely just wasn't capable of, funneling the technique through sound or not. I made an intrigued sound in my throat, "Oh, that's a good strategy. Well, if you've got the reserves to shoot fire out of your ears for a week just for funsies."

Kakashi actually fully lowered his book, looking at me, his single dark eye showing concern. "Did…did he do that?" It really said something about the shit we got up to that he felt the need to ask.

Sasuke answered for me, holding a hand up and tilting it side-to-side, "Kind of. He breathed fire out of his nose on just about every other exhale for three days just to see how long he could do it."

I smiled nostalgically, "He kept ruining his chopsticks."

Sai looked away from the clone beat-down happening in the arena to stare at the two of us. "This is concerning. Was this recently?"

I frowned, thinking, "No, it was…hmm. How old were we?"
Sasuke shrugged, not looking away from the pitiful show in the arena, "It was a bit more than a year after you two had your chakra systems activated."

"Oh yeah. So we were like…eight? Maybe seven? Probably eight." I turned to Sai, "It was many years ago. So many."

Sai actually looked pained for once. "Are you not thirteen? That is five years ago."

"Yeah, a whole half-decade."

We watched the sound-nin struggle under the mountain of clones in silence for a few seconds before Genma piped up, "You children scare me. I forget sometimes that you and Naruto were raised by wolves."

Sasuke snorted, "Naruto was raised by Asuka, she was probably raised by wolves."

I shrugged, unconcerned, "Nothing wrong with wolves, love a good wolf. Remember that one legend? Emperors are raised by wolves."

Genma let out a pained sound, "Please don't start an empire."

"No promises. But honestly, it just sounds like paperwork."

The sound-nin finally managed to get a hand in the air and breathe out a forfeit. I cheered, hearing Sakura do the same from the other side of the balcony. The cloud of smoke from all of the excess Naruto's disappearing obscured the arena for almost a minute, filling the air with the scent of burnt chakra, still fading away as he joined us, grinning,

"That outta teach 'em!"

I beamed at him, "Nice job! Did she get you with any genjutsu?"
"Yeah, but it just tilted things weird, like so my aim would be off? But it's not hard to just punch through that."

How strange, to see the changes I'd wrought on the timeline so viscerally. This Naruto was leagues ahead of his canon counterpart. Fucking amazing what an early start will get you. Not to mention their attitudes causing Kakashi to sit up, take notice, and give a fuck.

I heard the generator begin again, turning to see the first name stop, 'Akimichi Choji'.

I let out a cheer, hearing it overlap with Ino and Sakura. The next name stopped, 'Rock Lee'.

"Ah, fuck."

/./

An awkward place to stop, I know, but this is a beast. And I did use a random generator for these matches! All except Asuka's, I saw that pattern forming with all three sand-nin popping up and just couldn't resist adding a bit of a conspiracy to it, then the Yamanaka thing happened, so it was obviously meant to be. (The quote is from Nelson Mandela). Reviews give me life!

~TimeLordOfPie