ACT 1 – DISCOVERY
Chapter 11 – Weight
Daniel reached for his latest mug of cooling coffee and another donut from the box that Colonel Sheppard had delivered earlier today. Daniel had tried not to eat too many of them, but he'd learnt long ago that relying on sugar and caffeine at the right time could actually help you save the galaxy so...
There were only a few donuts left, so he picked the last jam-filled one. Whatever alternative Pegasus ingredients they used in the Atlantis kitchen gave the donuts a slightly different taste, but it was still a very good taste. Glancing back into the box, he mentally calculated how many he'd probably eaten today; mmm, maybe he should go for a run before bed, or there was bound to be a gym set up here, wasn't there?
He could get a session in before bed, help work off the day's donuts and quiet his brain enough to sleep better tonight. His first night in Atlantis had been pretty comfortable, but he'd struggled to fall asleep at first, his brain turning through the logs he'd read through yesterday. Though his and Rodney's focus was on finding clues about Janus' secret lab, there was just such a wealth of information about the Ancients' daily lives, culture, and interpersonal relationships in those logs that it had felt almost sacrilegious to just brush over it all. Still, he'd have plenty of time to study them in more detail once they found Janus' lab, and a workout before bed usually helped him let go of what he'd studied during a day. Though, admittedly, sleeping in the ultimate Ancient city on an Ancient bed probably wasn't the best distraction from thinking things Ancient.
As he swallowed a mouthful of jam donut, he looked round to Rodney. "I'm guessing you guys have a gym set up here in the city?" He asked.
Rodney looked up with a winced face as if Daniel had insulted him with the question. "Yeah, sure, I'm in there all the time working on my biceps with the space cadets," Rodney scoffed.
"So that's a yes, there is a gym?" Daniel interpreted around the sarcasm.
"Yes," Rodney confirmed as he returned his attention back to his laptop. "They set up a few rooms out on the east pier; a room with bikes and weights, one where they spar, and a larger room where they do yoga and other bendy stuff."
"Wow, for all that sarcasm, you sure know a lot about the gym," Daniel teased him.
"Katie works out there," Rodney reacted instantly.
"Sureee," Daniel pretended. Honestly, some days he worried how much like Jack he'd become.
"I've been there a few times when she does yoga," Rodney felt the need to continue.
Daniel glanced at him out the corner of his eyes, surprised to hear that.
"Not joining in," Rodney corrected though.
"There's nothing wrong with doing yoga, it's very good for you," Daniel replied before he took another large bite of the donut and tried not to picture Rodney doing yoga.
"I didn't, I just watched."
Daniel wasn't sure that sounded better and gave Rodney a frowning look.
"Just at the end to meet her for a date. I'm not a creep. I don't just stand in there watching them all bending over and…" Rodney scoffed. "Just get back to your reading," he finished, pointing at Daniel's screen.
Amused despite himself, Daniel devoured the last big bite of donut as he turned back to the Ancient screen and the latest log he was reading through. It was a pretty dense log and he felt like he'd been reading it for most of the day, not that he knew what time it was. He lifted his arm to check his watch, idly noticing that some strawberry jam – or whatever Pegasus fruit equivalent it was - had escaped down his thumb. His watch reported it was just after six in the evening and his body kind of agreed, in that he could probably do with a meal pretty soon. Probably explained the extra donut consumption too.
Licking the jam off his thumb, he focused back on the log though; he'd first finish this part about an assignment this particular Ancient had been working on. The Ancient had been a top engineer and had worked closely with Janus, and was currently describing upgrades that were being made to the city's shield to withstand the Wraith siege. It was becoming a rather depressingly regular experience to read logs from during the siege when the Ancients had clearly been trying to be optimistic about breaking the Wraith blockade, but knowing that didn't end up happening - that the Ancients would be forced to flee Atlantis forever - gave it all a very sad tone. Still, clearly the upgrades to the shield had helped strengthen it, both then and for the city's current defences, so…
Janus' name appeared again in the next section of text, so Daniel took another gulp of cool coffee as he skimmed the text as quickly as he could without-
He frowned at the screen as he re-read the sentence again, leaning closer as he set his mug down quickly. "I think I might have found something here," he called to Rodney.
"What? Really?" Rodney replied, sounding surprised.
"This Ancient," Daniel reached out blindly for his legal pad as he re-read the sentence of Ancient text for the third time, "was one of Janus' peers, he says here that he believed Janus had a 'bastion of unfettered thought and experimentation' in Atlantis," Daniel grinned round at Rodney.
"And…?" Rodney asked.
"It's got to be the hidden lab."
"Does it say where this 'bastion' is?"
Daniel looked back to the screen, the burst of excitement dimming a little. "Well no," he had to admit as he triggered the next section of text to be sure there wasn't something more informative. There wasn't. "Still this is the first real reference we've found about the hidden lab," he smiled back to Rodney.
"Great," Rodney muttered with a complete lack of enthusiasm as he focused back on his laptop.
"This is a good thing, Rodney," Daniel felt he had to point out.
"It doesn't say where it is, we need the where."
Okay, admittedly that was true.
"Maybe he'll mention something helpful later on," Daniel frowned as he realised he still hadn't found his legal pad, only to spot it poking out from behind the donut box. As he reached for the pad, pausing to shake some powdered-sugar off it, he became aware of the distant increasingly familiar sound of military boots on the Ancient floor outside the open doorway. Focusing on copying out the reference to the lab from the log, both in Ancient and English, Daniel listened to the approaching boot-steps and looked up to see Colonel Sheppard saunter in.
"How goes things in the brain trust?" Sheppard asked with this visit's choice of joke. Each time he'd visited today – usually with the Elite warrior Skan in tow – he'd used some new teasing term for Daniel and Rodney. However, each time today they'd had to reply that they hadn't found anything, but now…
Daniel opened his mouth to report discovering the first proper reference to Janus having a secret lab.
"We've found a reference to the lab," Rodney stole the words though.
"Really?" Sheppard asked with shocked eagerness, stopping in his tracks partway across the room.
"But it doesn't say where," Rodney added and Sheppard's face fell.
"Great," Sheppard muttered with a disappointed frown as he reached the other side of the lab table and pulled out one of the stools to sit down. "I see you two made short work of the donuts," he added with teasing judgment as he pointed to the almost empty box.
"There's two left," Rodney protested.
"One now," Sheppard replied as he picked out a rather squashed powdered-sugar donut. "So, no clues at all in this mention of the lab?"
"No," Daniel frowned as he scribbled down the log's date and text line on the legal pad. "Though this Ancient worked alongside Janus, so it's possible he'll say something else."
"Here's hoping," Sheppard uttered and Daniel looked round to see the Colonel, one elbow on the table with donut in hand, was yawning.
"Long day?" Daniel asked.
"At least it keeps me busy," Sheppard smiled back, which seemed an odd kind of comment considering the long days Sheppard was clearly working.
"Surfer Dude gone home?" Rodney asked Sheppard, the two's nickname for Elite warrior Skan.
"Yeah, just seen him and his staff through the Gate," Sheppard answered, clearly stifling another yawn. "Tomorrow's one of the weekly rest days Carter built into the schedule, so they won't be back until… What day is it today?"
"Tuesday," Rodney supplied, and Daniel made a mental note for himself as well. Hopefully his internal clock would get used to Atlantis time soon enough.
"They'll be back on Thursday then," Sheppard finished as he chewed on a big mouthful of donut.
"I take it the Elite like to work nonstop?" Daniel asked as he set the legal pad down. If Sam had insisted on fixing in days off, that told Daniel a lot.
Sheppard smiled at him. "Yeah, if you're an Elite, you're either on mission or not. And when they're on mission, they don't have rest days."
"Not even a weekend of some sort?" Daniel asked, curious at the insight into the Elite culture.
"They take their vacation time around missions, or it's mandatory if they've seen serious action or been hurt," Sheppard glanced down with a faint wince and started brushing powdered-sugar off the lab table.
"What about their staff?" Daniel asked.
"Umm they work on a rota system, I think," Sheppard answered around another large bite of donut. "I've noticed a couple of the taskforce staff get swapped in some days, guess it's to cover vacation days. Athosians though have a rest day every four nights," Sheppard added with more interest.
"I'm really hoping to meet someone from Athos," Daniel replied. "From your and Woolsey's reports it sounds a fascinating culture. You said that an Ancient lived with them even after the siege of Atlantis?"
"She was half-Athosian and she decided to stick with Athos rather than head back here to Atlantis," Sheppard replied as he wiped his hands of sugar and pushed the donut box towards Rodney. Without comment, Rodney leaned forward, peering inside, and picked out the last donut.
"And I gather that they incorporated Ancient architecture into their capital city, Tjaru?" He checked, making sure he'd remembered correctly.
"Just the Gateway towers at the entrance to the city," Sheppard replied.
"Interestingly," Daniel considered, "Tjaru was the name of a fortress in Ancient Egypt."
"Really?"
"Yeah, was pretty much a gateway of sorts there too as it protected the Egyptian eastern frontier for awhile," Daniel reached for his coffee mug again, his stomach quietly growling at him. Maybe it was time to go get something to eat.
"You think Tjaru was the original Ancient name for the city on Athos?" Sheppard asked.
"Might be," Daniel shrugged. "Or the name was used on Earth because it was remembered from a story an Ancient passed down in Egypt."
"I'll ask about the name next time I'm on Athos."
Rodney muttered something that Daniel didn't hear and he saw Sheppard narrow his eyes at Rodney before focusing back on Daniel. "If you want, you could probably come along on the next trip to Athos with me and Woolsey. I'm pretty certain Torren would love telling you all about Tjaru's history."
"Torren is the Athosian Leader, right?" Daniel checked.
"And his father-in-law," Rodney added.
"Right, yes," Daniel smiled at Sheppard. "Congratulations, by the way."
"It's a Political Marriage," Sheppard stated firmly.
"I know," Daniel assured him, surprised at Sheppard's reaction.
"He does that to everyone," Rodney reported though and Daniel looked round to him. "He gets very defensive," Rodney said with a pointed look.
"Oh, I see," Daniel looked back to Sheppard with a teasing smile, picking up the vibe from Rodney.
"I don't get defensive," Sheppard argued with a glare at Rodney. "I was just explaining the story to Jackson."
"Yeah, sure because he hasn't already heard how you proposed to an alien princess to set up an intergalactic contract that has us getting energy weapons and advanced satellite sensors," Rodney scoffed.
"Exactly," Sheppard replied with a nod though, ignoring the sarcasm.
"I hope I get to meet your wife while I'm here," Daniel told Sheppard.
"Sure, once they get back from their mission," Sheppard gave a strained smile as he glanced down and idly started brushing some more powdered-sugar off the table, not that Daniel had noticed any left. "So," Sheppard looked back up, "you two need to find that lab so we've got something to stop the Skerti."
Daniel thought that was an interesting turn of phrase, but not all that surprising given Sheppard was military. "There's no guarantee, even if we find Janus' lab and anything he left on the Skerti, that there will be anything like a weapon we can use against the Skerti," Daniel pointed out, as he felt he'd done a lot in his years working as part of the Stargate programme.
"What's the point then?" Sheppard asked with his very military mindset.
"Finding useful information on the Skerti, where they came from, what they're really after, and how they were involved with the Ancients," Daniel explained.
"They're after blood, and we need a way to stop them," Sheppard returned.
"I'm just saying that the Ancients, especially Janus, weren't really into designing weapons, if that's what-"
"You've heard of drones, right?" Rodney interjected. "Glowing Ancient missiles that get fired out of Jumpers and he can control here using the Ancient Command Chair?"
"Sure, it was SG1 who first-"
"And weren't you the one who built Merlin's Ori killing weapon?" Rodney continued.
That was a valid point, but the mention of Merlin's weapon hit Daniel like a physical blow.
The argument rose in his head to argue how the Ancients had resisted any development of a weapon that could kill ascended beings like themselves, and that Merlin had gone to extreme measures to build his weapon to kill the Ori… But it felt rather weak given what he and Merlin had done to protect the lives and freedoms of two galaxies, if not more if the Ori had been allowed to spread to other galaxies.
He knew he'd done the 'right' thing to stop the evil that the Ori had been.
But the act had left a raw open wound inside, one which he'd tried not to think about since. In the weeks after it had happened, he'd barely been able to sleep. He'd felt haunted by the ethical weight on his soul at what he'd done and had felt a burning grieving anger that Merlin had had to sacrifice himself to save so many while The Others had kept their hands clean. The counsellors at the SGC had told him to accept the reasons why he'd done what he had and to focus on the fact that he'd saved lives and kept whole galaxies from enslavement.
Just a year ago, Daniel would never have believed that he could be capable of killing an entire race of beings, and as much as he knew the decision had saved countless more lives as a consequence, it was a weight that he was going to carry for the rest of his life. He could at least sleep now as the months had passed, and the long trip with Teal'c to negotiate the Jaffa treaty had been a good distraction, helping throw himself into his work.
And being able to once again focus on building peace rather than destruction.
As if that might help balance his scales a little.
Which was what he was hoping they'd find in Janus' lab: a way of understanding the Skerti so to help bring about a peace treaty.
Not a way to destroy them all.
So he'd not have to again 'become Death, destroyer of worlds'.
He blinked down at the legal pad, working to push aside the heavy thoughts and the uncomfortable pressure in his chest that always accompanied thinking about what he and Merlin had done. Getting lost in the mental debate wasn't going to help anyone, and he had, unfortunately, built up quite a bit of experience at having to move on after something horrific had happened.
He frowned down at the translation on the legal pad; would Janus really have hidden another Ancient species-killing weapon in his lab? Despite having no evidence, Daniel felt strangely certain Janus wouldn't do that. There was nothing in Janus' history that they knew that said he'd done anything like that, if anything he'd striven to protect life; he'd gone out of his way to help save Dr Weir and Atlantis, and Sheppard had reported that Janus had seemed "nice" when he'd met him. Of course, that didn't mean anything, but Daniel still felt an unexplained deep sense of certainty about it…
It made him once again wonder if he had met Janus when he'd been ascended. Was this unfounded sense of knowing from then? One of those occasional 'knowings' that he put down to escaping little pieces of knowledge from his locked away ascended memories? Like with the translation on the pad, he knew without doubt that he'd have used a slightly different word in place of 'bastion' years ago when he'd first translated the Ancients' language, but, since he'd ascended, he had a new deeper understanding of the language.
So, was this one of those stray feelings from old inaccessible memories? Whispering to him that Janus wouldn't have created anything so destructive, or was it just his own guilt? Guilt-ridden hope that he'd never again have to be involved in killing so many…
"Well, at this point," Sheppard stated into what had felt like a strained silent pause, "you're right, any information on the Skerti will be a bonus."
Daniel smiled and nodded, feeling uncomfortable at Sheppard's rather knowing look.
Everything Daniel had done had always been for the greater good, to protect those suppressed and defeated.
"What bonus?" Jack's voice abruptly arrived as he strode through the open door, his sudden appearance a rush of welcome relief for Daniel.
"Sir," Sheppard quickly moved to stand up from his stool, wiping at his face, presumably worried there was powdered sugar caught in his six o'clock shadow.
"Sit down, Sheppard," Jack ordered like he'd been insulted. And again, Daniel felt the warm relief of Jack's presence, a smile returning as he watched Jack pretend to be grumpy about someone showing him respect due to his rank. Jack was dressed in his ever-present black BDUs as, according to Sam, he'd refused an Atlantis uniform during his stay. As Jack reached the space next to Sheppard's stool, he shoved his hands into his pockets and bounced lightly on the balls of his feet.
"What bonus?" Jack repeated. Despite all the bad things that had happened to them both over the years, Jack was still every bit the same loveable self he'd always been. Not that he'd appreciate that description, but Daniel did.
"It's not important," Daniel informed him, knowing it would annoy Jack a bit. "What is important is that we've found a definite first reference by another Ancient to Janus' lab."
"But we already know Janus' science-sanctum is here," Jack replied. "You know, since Janus himself told Sheppard here."
"Yes," Daniel had to concede. "But each time we find an actual reference by another Ancient in the logs, it builds up the evidence."
"Evidence we already have because Janus told us," Jack pushed. "Did this Ancient happen to say where we can find Janus' Man Cave?"
Daniel was aware of Sheppard working to control his grin.
"No," Daniel answered truthfully.
"So we've got nothing new at all?" Jack continued stomping home his point now.
Daniel decided to give up; he was never going to win here. "Did you want something?" He asked Jack instead.
"Yeah," Jack smiled. "I'm here to steal you."
"Steal me?"
"You're having a proper dinner with Carter and me," Jack stated. "No arguments. You can play with your friends again later," he pointed to the Ancient screen and the displayed log, implying the 'friends' weren't Rodney and Sheppard, but the Ancients in the logs.
"But we're just started to get somewhere," Daniel found himself arguing. "This Ancient might go on to provide more information-"
"Sheppard can stay and help McKay," Jack interrupted him.
Sat facing him, Daniel saw Sheppard pull a face at being 'volunteered'.
"Colonel Sheppard's just gotten off duty-" Daniel started to make an excuse for him.
"We won't be long; Sheppard can handle some reading while you're gone. Right, Sheppard?"
"Of course, Sir," Sheppard replied professionally, though his face said the exact opposite.
"We'll send up some dinner from the Mess for you both," Jack decided for Sheppard and Rodney.
"Is there jello today?" Rodney asked randomly.
"The blue stuff," Jack answered.
"Ooo," Rodney said with far more enthusiasm than he'd shown all day in here.
"Come on, Daniel," Jack turned and started towards the door, the decision apparently made. Actually, Daniel had really enjoyed his impromptu meal yesterday evening with Sam and Jack in here, and he was hungry and could do with a break.
"Okay," he agreed as he picked up his jacket off the back of his chair. "I've marked where I've got on this log," he explained to Sheppard. "We've got another laptop here with the translation system, just plug it in-"
"I'll do it," Rodney offered, already setting the spare laptop on the table and booting it up.
"If you find anything," Daniel continued as he rounded the lab table, "you can mark it on the system, but can you also make a handwritten note on my pad here." He indicated the legal pad.
"Danny," Jack called from the doorway. "Food's getting cold."
"I shouldn't be too long," Daniel assured Sheppard as he got one arm into a jacket sleeve.
"Not a problem," Sheppard smiled as he pulled the legal pad towards him. "Have a nice meal."
"I'll be back soon," Daniel promised as he got his other arm in its sleeve and pulled his jacket on, settling it into place as he followed Jack out into the corridor. "I don't need to dress up or anything, do I?" He checked in case this was a more 'official' kind of meal.
Jack made a scoffing sound as an answer as they walked side-by-side down the Ancient hallway. "So you think it'll be long till we find Janus' hangout?"
"No idea," Daniel declared, drinking in the moment with Jack. The two of them walking through a base together, just like old times. Well, apart from being in another galaxy in the fabled lost city of Atlantis.
"That's inspiring," Jack complained.
"You'd prefer I lie to you?" Daniel asked with a smile.
"I wouldn't mind some of your old patented blind naive optimism," Jack smiled round at him.
Daniel smiled back, but it struck a little. He was long past blind naivety; especially now after Merlin… Still, he rather missed those old days when everything had seemed clear to him, when he and Jack would regularly get locked into arguments about what was the best moral decision versus the best military action. Though, he guessed, he'd taken on a lot of Jack's viewpoints over the years, and, he kind of thought, Jack had softened a bit towards the importance of culture, history and using science over a weapon. Or maybe he'd just expanded his military view of what constituted good strategy?
"Okay," Daniel replied out loud, "then yes, absolutely, we should find the lab tomorrow."
"See, that wasn't so hard, was it."
"So what are we having for dinner then?"
"Carter's ordered your favourite," Jack smiled.
"You know, you can call her Sam when it's just us," Daniel pointed out. He knew the two of them had to play a careful dance between their relationship and their professional roles. In fact, he doubted many people here in Atlantis even knew Jack and Sam were a couple, whereas back in the SGC it had been very popular gossip for a long time now.
Jack waved a dismissive hand through the air. "She'll always be Carter."
Daniel had wondered more than once what Jack called Sam when they were alone together, but he'd never ask. It was nice that the two of them had had a lot of time together of late, Jack having been stationed here with the IOA to oversee the big contract with the Elite. In fact, as the contract was done and dusted, the exchange of information underway, he had to wonder why Jack was still here. And whether it had anything to do with Sam.
"You've been here in Atlantis awhile now, right?" He asked Jack, putting plenty of heavy subtext in his tone.
"There's been important negotiations to oversee," Jack stated with a forced professional tone.
"Ah yes, the trading contracts with Athos and the Elite," Daniel nodded as they turned a corner together.
"Those too," Jack replied with a heavy weight of playful subtext of his own now.
Daniel frowned at his profile. "Some other negotiations been going on?"
"Maybe," Jack looked away.
"You thinking of sticking around Atlantis permanently?" Daniel guessed.
"The President wants me back on Earth next month," Jack replied though.
"Oh," Daniel frowned at the news. He'd been looking forward to spending more time with Jack while he was here.
"So, if you could see to it that we find Janus' hidden little bolthole in the next few weeks…"
"I'll see what I can do," Daniel promised, but the prospect of Jack leaving in a month kind of dulled his returned cheerful mood.
Sam was surely going to miss him like crazy. The two of them just never seemed to have all that long to just be together before something from their careers pulled them away from each other again.
Jack's hand landed on Daniel's shoulder. "It's good to have you here, Danny Boy."
"It's great to be here. Finally," he added pointedly to Jack.
"Hey, you got here in the end to do your whole Ancient studying, didn't you? Quit complaining," Jack grinned.
00000
As evenings went this one kind of sucked; not that John had had much say in 'volunteering' to help stand in for Jackson. Normally John was happy to find something to help fill his time outside of duty hours – something to stop him from spending his entire evenings freaking out about what Teyla might be fighting out there across the galaxy – but, reading through an Ancient's log about redesigning some conduit panelling, was about a dry as that donut had been.
One reprieve had been the arrival of dinner, the General having kept his word on sending up food. The meal had included a nice big burger, salad, a bowl of jello – blue as O'Neill had promised Rodney – and a large slice of cake. After a mistake in ordering too much flour from Athos, the kitchen still had a serious excess of flour with a close expiration date to use up, so there had been a crazy amount of cakes, bakes, and donuts in the Mess over the last week. If you ordered anything lately, even just a mug of coffee, you usually got a slice of something with it. This was John's second piece of this particular vanilla cake today, and it was pretty damn good, so he'd given his jello to Rodney. That distraction used up, and fending off Rodney's probing questions about how Zelenka was doing overseeing all the taskforces without him, it was back to the dull reading.
Sighing, John jabbed the 'page down' button on the shiny and rather new looking laptop. Oh great, more about the panelling. Apparently the Ancients had done something to the metal used and blah blah blah. John jabbed the 'page down' button again.
He wasn't overly looking forward to tomorrow; he didn't like the 'rest days' in the taskforce work, especially it being on a Wednesday felt weird. Still, he usually found something to entertain himself on the enforced days off, but tomorrow wasn't looking promising. Both Ford and Cadman were off on a mission babysitting some scientists, Lorne was apparently saving tomorrow to do some painting, and Carson said he needed the day to 'recharge'. As the Doc was only recently back working fulltime after his injuries, John hadn't pushed it. Rodney was obviously going to be in here helping Jackson all day tomorrow, which had led John to consider offering to help, but now he'd actually sat and spent a good while reading an Ancient log, he was not keen on actually volunteering for this on his day off. Plus, he kind of suspected Carter would have something to say about it; she'd been pretty strict about policing the weekly rest days for him and all the others that worked with the Elite taskforces. John got that, he felt pretty shattered actually; his days were long and full of a hell of a lot of walking from one taskforce group to another with Skan, so a day off would be good. He just didn't want to spend it mulling over Teyla, worrying if she was okay or if she was even still alive.
He jabbed at the 'page down' button a bit too hard and the sound echoed in the quiet little lab room. It was currently that quiet because Rodney was partway through his second jello helping. John glanced at him sat diagonally across the table, amused to see Rodney was making sure to scrape every little bit of the wobbly blue dessert out of the bowl.
"Good jello, I take it?" John asked him.
"Got to fuel up the brain," Rodney replied around his scoffing.
"Sure, jello is the way to do that," John mused as he set his jaw in one hand and tried to focus on the log. Now the Ancient was talking about how the team had been praised for their super-doper new metal panelling. Great…
"You pretty much inhaled your burger."
"How many of the donuts did you eat?" John countered without taking his eyes off the laptop screen.
"Jackson ate most of them."
"Sure he did," John nodded as he jabbed at the laptop again. "This reading sure is thrilling."
He'd had high hopes for this log at first, being that Jackson had already found mention of Janus' lab in it, but that hope felt a distant memory now. There'd been no mention of Janus at all since John had taken over reading it.
"This one's interesting," Rodney reported surprisingly cheerfully. "This Ancient was looking at expanding the Gate system."
"Expand it where?" John asked against his palm.
"Just more of them in Pegasus; thought it'd give them an advantage over the Wraith."
"Well that didn't work then," John muttered.
"True," Rodney admitted as he set his very empty jello bowl down on his equally empty tray and pushed it away across the table. "I take it there's been no news about the Elite's Skerti hunt?"
Why did everyone ask him? If the Elite had some news, it would go to Carter and everyone would know. Just because Teyla was on that mission didn't mean he had some extra special insight into how it was going! If only he did.
"No," he stated simply, keeping his eyes on the screen.
Rodney lapsed into silence, just the occasional tapping of a keyboard button breaking it up.
John wondered if there were any slots available in the city's driving range tomorrow. The weather forecast wasn't looking good though, but the west pier's big balcony that had become the driving range was reasonably sheltered if the rain was in the right direction.
"So no news on the wife then?" Rodney asked.
John frowned up at the question. "No, we haven't heard anything yet," he repeated. "They're on silent running anyway, so…" He jabbed at the keyboard, only to realise he hadn't actually read the last screen of the log. He utilised the 'page up' button for the first time.
"Right, right," Rodney muttered.
A sort of strange silent pause held, but John worked to keep his focus on the screen. Maybe he could even take up Zelenka's offer to join the chess club for a match tomorrow…was he that desperate for something to do that he was willingly signing up to Zelenka beating his ass?
"Do you…"Rodney asked, only to pause, "like being married?"
Oh great, more teasing about this. Ford, Cadman and Rodney got on this way too much. Normally, he just ignored it, but today he didn't want to hear it. He needed distraction not more reminders of how much he missed Teyla and if he was ever going to see her again…
"It's a political marriage," John repeated for the one millionth time.
"Yeah, I know that's the official party line. I mean, you know…"
John looked up from the laptop, feeling like he'd missed something here.
"Though," Rodney added, "you've done it before right? So I guess that didn't go well because, you know, divorce…"
John frowned at him. What exactly was Rodney trying to ask?
"So maybe you're not the best person to ask," Rodney continued, seemingly in a conversation with just himself now. "Or maybe you are, you know, knowing the pitfalls and everything," he chuckled in a way that seemed nervous to John. "I was just wondering…" Rodney paused, definitely looking uncomfortable now, "if it was worth it?"
John wasn't sure what he was being asked, and was more than a little worried that Rodney was trying to ask about the true nature of his and Teyla's marriage. The team could joke about it, but none of them had asked him directly, which was the point. He wasn't lying to anyone about his and Teyla's relationship, he just hadn't shared that particular personal information with anyone. But if Rodney asked him directly, was he going to have to outright lie? But surely Rodney wouldn't actually ask that kind of personal question would he?
"The political marriage is definitely worth it," John decided was a safe answer, "how else would we be getting all the new tech and space guns from the Elite?"
"No, not that," Rodney waved his hand dismissively as he sighed, his shoulders dropping. "I've been thinking about the future."
John frowned at that unexpected turn to the conversation. A conversation that didn't now seem about him and Teyla. "Thinking about the future is a good thing…?" John found himself asking carefully.
"Sure, sure," Rodney nodded.
"Especially considering," John gestured at their laptops, "we're trying to save the galaxy from a Skerti vampire invasion."
A worrying series of thoughts suddenly hit him; was Rodney turning into a proper mad scientist and had come up with an idea for a time machine? Or was Rodney questioning whether to stay in Atlantis? John was shocked at just the thought; Rodney loved it here, well, loved being head of his department, getting to play with all the new Elite tech. Surely he couldn't be thinking of leaving. The idea of Rodney leaving Atlantis…the prospect seemed to add weight to the niggling edges of depression John had been fighting against since Teyla had left on her Skerti hunt.
Then he frowned at himself; wow, he guessed he really did see Rodney as a good friend. After all they'd been through together-
"And I was thinking," Rodney continued, his forearms lying either side of his laptop, his fingers constantly moving against each other in a fidgeting nervous action, "about, maybe, taking things to the next level with Katie."
"What, second base?" John joked.
"No, marriage," Rodney replied seriously.
John blinked at him. "Marriage?" He double-checked he'd heard right.
"Yes," Rodney nodded.
"You?!" John checked that fact too. Only the other day he'd been chasing Rodney away from his work to get to a very late date with Katie Brown, Rodney worrying about not spending enough time with her, now a marriage proposal?
"What, you don't think I'm ready?" Rodney asked, seeming worried. "That I'm rushing things?"
"No, I didn't say that," John insisted quickly, carefully controlling his expression.
He just couldn't remember being quite so shocked, but clearly his friend was asking for his advice. It was just what was the best advice to give here? John barely ever saw the couple together anymore, only knew how little time they got to spend together given Rodney's work-life obsession. But then, how could he talk? His wife was on the other side of the galaxy right now and he had no idea if she was even alive.
"You blurted out your proposal at a big ceremony on Athos in front of all the Alliance politicians," Rodney added.
"It wasn't even close to all the politicians in the Alliance. And that was to stop the Genii and-" They were getting off topic. "That was a completely different situation."
"I mean," Rodney continued, "admittedly, I'm not ready to set a date yet."
John frowned at that comment, which didn't seem the most encouraging thing to say before you proposed.
"And I don't have a ring, though I was thinking of picking one up the next time I'm back home."
"Really?" John asked and immediately regretted how shocked he was still sounding.
Rodney instantly looked worried again. "You don't think it's a good idea?"
"Getting a ring?" John asked, unsure what he was being asked now.
If Rodney wanted to get married, then he should, even if John had a few little concerns maybe. But it wasn't his job to say any of that, was it? He should just say the right thing and be supportive.
"No, getting married," Rodney clarified. "You don't think it's a good idea?"
"I didn't say that," John quickly answered. "I was just surprised. But, if you think you're ready, then you should go for it." Yes, that was the right thing to say. Be supportive. "Go get the girl," he added encouragingly.
"What, you think I should ask her now?" Rodney asked.
John opened his mouth to say that right now probably wasn't the best time, given they were here reading Ancient logs, trying to save the galaxy. But, then, if Rodney wanted to, then…
"Ask her without a ring?" Rodney added.
John was starting to feel like he was in some sort of quiz he'd not done any study for and knew none of the answers. "You should do what you think is right," he decided on. That was a nice safe bit of advice, surely.
Rodney nodded, seeming to like that.
John let out a breath. Rodney getting married?
"I mean it'd be a nice gesture to her, right?" Rodney asked, starting up the quiz again. "I've been late to a lot of dates, missed some entirely even, and it's not like I have a lot of free time."
John frowned at Rodney, seeing what looked like some honest confusion across his face. It wasn't an expression he saw all that much on Rodney, not unless it was fast followed by a sarcastic comment and then the promise to solve whatever conundrum they were facing. Except this wasn't some alien piece of tech to understand or some crisis to break out of, this was Rodney's personal life.
"I'm sure Katie understands," John assured him, which seemed to be something he'd said quite a lot lately; that probably wasn't a great sign, was it? Not that he should get involved in any way.
"And she'd understand if I don't have a ring right away, right?" Rodney asked next.
"Sure," John nodded. "It's not like you can just pop out to a jewellery store." Though admittedly they knew plenty of planets they could visit here in Pegasus, hell, John had seen plenty of jewellery shops in Tjaru on Athos. Though he had no idea if diamonds were as highly prized in Pegasus as they were back home.
"Exactly," Rodney agreed. "And I'm probably not going to get back to Earth anytime soon with the Elite tech development."
"I'm sure she'll understand," John offered, watching Rodney's face twist through what looked like worry, confusion and doubt; or was he reading too much into it all? "Just as long as you're, you know," John winced, not sure he should have started the question.
"What?" Rodney focused on him.
"You know," John struggled, "serious about Katie."
"I'm thinking about marriage, aren't I?" Rodney brushed off the question and it was probably a valid point.
"Good point," John nodded, though still a little worried that Rodney had said 'thinking' about marriage and not 'wanting' or anything else a little bit more full on about the commitment side of things.
"And if you can make your marriage work when your wife is off hunting vampires for who knows how long, then I'm sure Katie will understand the amount of work I have to get done. This way she'll know I'm, obviously, thinking of the future with her."
There was that 'thinking' word again, but then that was essentially Rodney's superpower wasn't it? Maybe he and Katie had a great relationship behind closed doors? Maybe just missing some dates really didn't bother Katie?
John wished being away from Teyla all the time didn't eat at him as much as it did.
"That I'm serious about things," Rodney added.
John met his friend's eyes, seeing the earnest wide-eyed worried question. Asking someone to marry you was always a scary thing. He'd been sweating buckets when he'd asked Nancy to marry him, though proposing to Teyla had been a very different sudden thing. So, who was he to say what was the right way to do anything?
He held Rodney's gaze. "Then you should go for it," he told him. "And when she says yes, I'll buy you a beer to celebrate."
"Yeah, or drown my sorrows should she say no," Rodney joked weakly, the anxiety slipping back across his face. "You won't tell anyone about this?"
"My lips are sealed," John promised, not that anyone would probably believe him. Suddenly he found himself missing Teyla in an entirely different way, if she was here, he'd definitely tell her about this right away. He'd still get to tell her when she got back, all safe and sound.
"Thanks," Rodney nodded with a smile before focusing back down on his laptop.
John lowered his attention back to his own screen. Rodney was getting married?
In all the crazy unexpected things that had happened in the last year in Pegasus, the last thing he'd have predicted was Rodney getting married.
The niggling depressing weight shifted in him again. Teyla was off fighting, everyone else was busy with duties and their lives tomorrow, and he'd be on a driving range in the rain by himself.
Missing his wife.
00000
TBC