Legends of the Smoke jaguars Chapter 22

If there was one klan Hed'breka couldn't stand it was the Blood Axes. He stood with his army outside their camp and sneered at the unorkiness of it. Set in rows were corrugated buildings, forming a grid pattern of disgusting order. Orks lurked in the shadows, watching the army on their doorstep as hidden Boyz pointed long rifles in his direction. He saw in the middle of the camp a flagpole, holding aloft a dead hoomie, with two axes carved in his chest. A line of Boyz stood before it, as a Nob yelled at them to salute the flag. A few of them tried to comply, but the rest looked confused and asked was a salute was. Their disrespect infuriated the Nob, who punched the nearest in the face, starting a brawl that drew the rest in with eager relish.

Masha grunted, "Slimy scumbags, we don't need dem."

"Yah," Gut'twista agreed, "Dey all twisted like, too much time with da hoomies. I hear dey even retreat if da fite don't go der way."

"Dat ain't rite," Masha snorted, "Orks always win, an if we die we dies fighting, so it don't count. Any git knows dat."

Hed'breka couldn't argue with that, the Blood Axes were renowned as treacherous backstabbers, stooping to trade and barter with other races, when they should give them a good crumping. Rumour had it hoomies even paid off the Blood Axes with guns and teeth, to encourage them to attack other Orks. The fact that the Blood Axes often accepted the gifts and then turned the guns on their benefactors was no excuse; it wasn't how an Ork should act. Blood Axes had gone soft in the head, they weren't to be trusted, which is why he'd brought a good slice of his Waagh with him.

Hed'breka muttered, "I don't like it, but da Blood Axes be the last real Klan who ain't signed up. We won't be whole till dey joins."

"So you gonna ask em nice?" Masha sniffed.

"Nah, I'm gonna give em one chance to get in line, or I crumps the lot of dem."

With that Hed'breka set forth, marching in his whirring armour towards the gate. Hundreds of long rifles tracked his movement but he ignored them, scornful of such feeble arms. He strode up to the barred gate, followed by Masha and Gut'twista and set his feet firmly in the yellow dirt. He glared sullenly at the faces half-hidden behind the barricade, contemptuous of any Ork who'd choose to hide his face from a foe. For long minutes the two sides stared, neither willing to be the first to speak. Hed'breka watched one Ork glance over the lintel, peering downwards, then duck back and loud argument brewed up immediately after. Then finally an Ork with a horned helm and purple warpaint over his face popped up and called, "Sod off!"

Hed'breka snarled loudly, "Get bent, ya yella scumbags!"

"Who dares call Skund yella?!" came the angry response.

"Hed'breaka does!"

That name sent flurries of whispers ringing the barricade and the Ork ducked back, arguing furiously. Hed'breka waited impatiently, toying with the idea of just levelling this place entirely, but then the gate opened a crack and Skund came out. Under the cover of his rifles he strode up to Hed'breka and peered intently before saying, "You Hed'breka, dat Hed'breka?"

"Ya thick or someting?" he snorted, "Course I am. I comes to claim ye gits for me Waaagh. So get ur arse in gear toot sweet."

Skund looked suspicious but said, "Dey say Hed'breka is da chosen of Gork. Fasta dan fast, luckier dan a grot, can drink beer like no uvver and eat live squig. Dey calls him da Irongutz… but you don't look so tough by half."

"Da Irongutz, I likes dat," Hed'breka snorted, "But if ya needs provin' I can blow ya all ta bits till you see I'm him."

"Woah der," Skund said as he raised his hands, "I believes ya, but me Boyz, dey aint so quick to trust. Hed'breka has da favour of Gork, dey say, but what bout Mork? No Warboss can lead da Blood Axes unless he be sneakier dan sneaky. Ya brutal for sure, but are ya Kunnin' enouff to lead Blood Axes?"

"What ya sayin?" Hed'breka growled.

"Little test, to proves Mork favours ya. You try to sneak past a few of me best Kommandos, sneak mind ya, no crumpin and we signs up on da spot."

"Sneak past a few measly runts?" Hed'breka snorted, "Easy!"

Skund grinned and waved them inside, the gate opened and Hed'breka followed. He was aware that rifles tracked him every step but with a huge horde sitting outside the gates he wasn't afraid. The Blood Axes knew he'd level this place if they tried anything. In truth he reckoned they were just putting on a show to salve their pride. This test sounded dead easy and he thought he'd pass it with ease. His confidence was dented when they came to a black iron gate, widely space bars covering a dark tunnel that sank out of sight. Before that gate a dozen Orks lurked, all wearing long cloaks over their bodies and thick googles under leather caps. They were the elite Kommandos, the sneakiest gits in the Ork race. He could tell because their outfits were all painted deep purple, the sneakiest of all colours.

"Wat's dis den?" Hed'breka muttered irately.

"Wat I said," Skund replied, "Dis is da maze, where we trains Kommandos. Me Boyz go down dere and set up traps, all ya have to do is get past dem. Dere be a brass Mork's ead in da middle. Get it and brings it to me, den we all see ya sneakiest git who ever lived."

Hed'breka glared but the Kommandos were already shrugging rifles and long blades as they marched into the opening gate. Masha came close with a gesture and began prising the warboss out of his Mega-armour, the hefty plate was powerful but noisy, no good for sneaking past elite kommandos. Hed'breka endured the long process with growing annoyance, tempted to simply drive his drill through Skund's head, but the boss merely stood back and waited, more interested in picking large boogies out of his nose, which he casually ate.

Masha levered off the bulky power planet and sagged under the weight as he warned, "Boss, dose boyz look no pushovers."

"I can take em," Hed'breka growled.

"Two or three yah," Masha grunted, "But all at once, no armour, no drill. Dey gang up an ya, you'ze aint comin back."

"Let me worry bout dat," Hed'breka muttered.

Finally the armour was stripped from his frame and he stood naked before the opening. There was no ceremony or boisterous bets from the waiting crowd, no jeers or taunts, typical Blood Axe weirdo behaviour. Hed'breka flexed his hands and stepped into the dark, expecting to be set upon immediately. To his surprise there was no trap waiting, only a sharp slope headed downwards. His eyes could barely see but he proceeded, straining his ears to the limit as he descended.

The slope reached a bottom floor and set off into a long corridor, which split off many side passages that disappeared into the dark. Hed'breka ignored them as he pressed on, knowing the Blood Axes they'd be filled with traps. With no hint of which way to go he went straight ahead, passing various crates and discarded drums as he did so. The way was unopposed and he found that suspicious, slowing his pace as his distrust grew. It proved wise, for a rickety series of planks presented itself, spread across the floor to conceal a pit trap filled with spikes. Hed'breka stopped and stared at the pit, taking in the hole and the barely concealed spikes. It was so obvious that even an Ork could not fail to spot it, which probably meant…

Suddenly his fist shot upwards, smacking the tunnel roof hard and shaking free the Kommando who was clinging to the rock. The pit was a blind, to trick a wander into blithely trying to jump over, and so missing the sneaky git waiting to pounce. The Kommando hit the floor hard but jumped back up, sharp choppa in hand, only to be surprised by Hed'breka's fist locking around his throat. With a heave the Warboss slammed the Ork into the wall, causing him to drop the choppa as he clawed for air.

"How'd ya find me?!" the Kommando squeeked.

"Trouble with sneaky gits is ya think ur smarter den everyone else," Hed'breka growled, "Now tells me where da grubbin is, or I break ur neck."

"Ded ahead!" squawked the Kommando, "All der uvver tunnels is decoys, all ya gotta do iz go straight. Getting over da pit is bugger though."

"Got it covered," Hed'breaka snarled as he snapped the Ork's neck. Hed'breka gripped the dying Ork in his hand, and grinned as a plan formed. Swiftly he stripped the body, he hastily donned the outfit and cap, chuckling as he found a tub of purple paint in a pocket. He painted his own face in thick oils and then set the google over his eyes. The gear was tight on his bigger frame but in the dark it should pass inspection. Then he turned and heaved the body onto the planks. The dead Kommando smashed through the boards with a crash and fell face first onto the spikes, which punched deep and let blood flow as they penetrated the guts. Hed'breka promptly set a foot upon the back of the corpse and then hopped over the spikes, using the body as a plank to cross the pit.

Disguise complete he set off, jauntily striding ahead with no attempt to conceal his footsteps. He walked as if he owned the place, utterly confident of his course and sure that none would stop him. He passed many places for ambushes and scores of tunnels, but followed the advice and kept going straight. Blood Axes loved to overthink things, but Kunnin and Brutal were no match for Brutal and kunnin'. There was a reason Gork's name came first in the Ork's chanting.

Soon Hed'breka reached a thick door, surrounded by barrels. He picked one at random and rapped it on the top, saying, "You'ze can come out now!"

The lid rose and a blinking face peered out as a voice queried, "Ya got im?"

"Didn't hav ta, he fell into da pit," Hed'break lied.

Several more barrel lids rose up and Kommandos peered out as another asked, "Really, dat easy? How'd it goes?"

"Kersplat, argh, help me, Gork help me, den he dead," Hed'breka sniffed.

"Great!" another yelped as he pulled himself out of the barrel, "Let gets back to da Boss!"

"Hold it," Hed'breka said, "Skund wants da flashy grubbins."

"Why?" asked an Ork from the back with a suspicious glare.

"Dunno, didn't ask. Probably wanna wave it in dose pounces faces," Hed'breka deflected.

The suspicious Ork however glared and hissed, "Somethin stinks here, you'ze give us da password fore we goes anywhere."

Hed'breka sensed hands drifting to long knives and knew he couldn't take all of them at once, not without his armour. He refused to show fear though and growled, "Da password iz: do what I zoggin tell ya or I'll bash ya face so 'ard you'll end up lookin at ur own arse!"

The Kommandos glanced at each other then chorused, "Eh, near enouff. Works fer me. Sounds like Skund alrite."

The door was promptly opened and a brass Mork effigy was brought out. Hed'breka grabbed it and then followed the Kommando back up the long corridor. They made their way all the way back to the start, hopping over the corpse on the spikes, many of them making rude gestures to the deceased as they stepped on it. Hed'breka was glad none of them thought to inspect the body, for in good light the smaller frame could never been have been mistaken for a Warboss' build. Blithely the Kommandos led him back to the slope, then up the shaft into the smoky light of day.

The waiting Blood Axes were idly standing by, picking fight out of boredom or letting off random shots into the air. Skund however rushed forward eagerly and called, "Back already?"

One of the Kommando replied, "Jobs a good 'un!"

"He's dead?!" Masha yelped from the crowd.

But Hed'breka took the moment to rip the cap off his head and cry, "No Iz aint!"

Gasps arose from all sides, especially the Kommandos who looked as if they'd seen a ghost. A wide circle drew back from him as whispers arose and Skund gawped, "How der shittin' hell did you do dat?"

In reply Hed'breka merely tossed over the effigy and snorted, "You wants dis rite?"

Skund snatched the effigy out of the air then breathed, "You'ze iz da sneakiest sneak who ever sneaked! Mork iz with ya! Da Blood Axes iz for Hed'breka da Irongutz!"

"Irongutz!" the crowd began to cheer, "Irongutz, Irongutz, Irongutz!"

Hed'breka grinned as he strode over to his companion and smugly said, "Ain't ya gonna congratulate us?"

Masha didn't look happy as he said, "Hate to break it to ya boss, but things be happenin while ya downbelow."

"Wat things?" Hed'breka pressed.

Gut'twista replied, "Da Death Skulls be on der blower, dey got hit hard. Bloody Red-hands levelled a stompa factory."

Anger surged in his breast as Hed'breka snarled, "Dat's it! Enouff is enouff. Bloody Red-hands has been muckin bout too long. Time to round up this Waaagh and gets movin. We gonna go to dis place and grab his scent, den da Orks is gonna track down Bloody Red-hands and rip him limb from limb. You 'ear me ya git, iz gonna wear ur guts as me boss hat!"