To my surprise, Bombur shook me awake early the next morning. Pale blue dawn light filled my room when I opened my eyes.
"Bofur," he said softly, "are you all right?"
"Hmm? Of course ... I'm fine," I said groggily, untangling myself from the twisted bed covers.
"I heard you cry out," Bombur said, worry etched across his brow. "Are those tears?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked, swiping at my eyes. My fingers came away wet. "I remember some strange dreams," I added.
I found I had trouble remembering them. They'd begun very pleasantly; I'd been with Fevelien. Her tender hand reached out to caress my cheek. A shadow fell over us ... a shadow between us ... a shadow ... I couldn't recall anything further. I stared at the tears on my hand.
"I think I dreamt about the trolls again," I lied.
"Since we're up, why don't we head down to the bath, and then make breakfast?" Bombur suggested.
I was wide awake by this point, and Bombur clearly wanted to talk, so I begrudgingly tramped downstairs with him.
"So, you obviously had a fun time last night," Bombur said as we eased ourselves into the steaming bathwater.
"I did," I said, waiting for him to begin his lecture. "You seemed to enjoy yourself, as well."
"I did," Bombur said with a sigh, leaning his head back into the water. "Thaliel gave me the recipe for that amazing plum glaze. I shall guard the parchment she wrote it on with my life."
"See! Befriending elves comes with benefits," I said, laughing and reaching for the soap and a wash rag.
Bombur sat up, slicking back his wet hair. "It was just a recipe, nadad. Her sharing a recipe with me doesn't make her my friend. She was just being gracious."
"I disagree," I said, lathering my chest with the fragrant pine soap. "Small gestures like that are all it takes for friendship to bloom."
"Not everything is so easy as you make it out to be," Bombur argued. "I don't expect anything else from her. You need to learn to manage your expectations, as well."
"What expectations?" I asked. "I don't have unrealistic expectations for Fevelien, if that is what you're driving at. I do consider her a friend, but I don't expect anything from her."
"Are you sure about that, nadad?" Bombur prodded. "I'm sure that's what you tell yourself, but I see the way you look at her. Just because she tolerates you doesn't mean she wants your attention."
"I think she more that tolerates me," I said crossly, sinking into the water to rinse away the suds.
I worried for a moment that he was right. What if I had made her uncomfortable? Then I remembered that gentle tug on the end of my hood, and how she'd smiled when she said good night.
"I'm only looking out for you," Bombur said. "We enjoyed a nice dinner with the elves. Fevelien and Calearphen are teaching us some fighting techniques. That's it! There's no need to complicate things unnecessarily."
I groaned. Trying to explain how attraction worked to Bombur exhausted me.
"I am complicated, Bombur. It might seem unnecessary to you, but to me it's part of living," I said. "I didn't just wake up one morning and say, 'I think I'll fancy an elf!' If I deny how I feel, then a little part of me will die."
"Now you're being overly dramatic!" Bombur said. "I'm not asking you to deny your feelings. Durin's beard! Imagine the havoc that would cause! We'd find ourselves in even more trouble," he continued, his words laced with sarcasm. "Just promise me you won't act on them."
His eyes pleaded with me even more stridently than his voice. It didn't help that his eyes precisely matched the almond shape and topaz color of our mother's.
I stared at him, opened my mouth to object, then shut it again. I cleared my throat.
"I promise," I said softly, knowing that this was a lie.
I knew that if Fevelien were game, then act I would. Bombur did not need to know this. I was not in the habit of lying to him, as he could read me better than anyone. I forced myself to remain outwardly calm, even as my heart hammered. We stared each other down for a long while before he nodded.
"All right, good. At least you've still got some sense," he said, reaching for the soap.
Mercifully, he let the issue drop and we continued our bath in peace. He even began humming to himself as he scrubbed under his arms. I sank back into the water and replayed my favorite moments from the night before: hearing her throaty laugh, holding her smooth hand in mine as we danced, feeling her playful tug on the back of my hood.
We shared the soap, scrubbing ourselves from top to bottom. I nodded at his occasional comments, throwing in a grunt any time it seemed appropriate. I paid no mind to anything he said, however, as I lost myself in my reverie.
We climbed out and toweled off. I caught a few details about some new toys he'd started work on, and added a "Báh," when he mentioned a springwork bird. By the time we returned to the common room, Bombur seemed to have completely moved on. That suited my needs perfectly. I didn't want him to dwell on my meek promise, or to wonder why I hadn't protested more.
I had already begun devising ways to finagle more time with Fevelien. While we fried eggs and bacon, toasted bread, brewed coffee, and simmered oats for breakfast, I made my plans.
"Do I smell bacon?" Kili called, emerging from his room in braies.
"Indeed, you do," I answered, adding another rasher to the griddle.
"And coffee, too, bless you both," Kili continued, yawning and stretching as he made his way over to the hearth to fill his mug and fix a plate. "I haven't drunk that much since Frár's coming-of-age party. Oof! Sorry, I forgot he's your ex's - you know what, never mind."
"No, it's fine, that was a long time ago. She married up and I moved on," I said, flipping the bacon.
The delicious smells soon drew the others from their bed chambers. Spirited talk of last night's dinner with the elves soon buzzed throughout the room.
"I think I might try my hand at composing a lay," Bilbo said. "I showed Gliriel a few of my verses and she said they showed promise."
"Why did no one tell me that elves find it rude to belch at the table?" Ori asked. "I've always assumed it's a universally accepted way to thank the chef."
"Dori, what's your secret to keeping your hands so soft?" Oin asked. "If I'd had my closed my eyes I could have pretended I was dancing with one of the elves. Not that I'd want to!"
"I just rub in a little grapeseed oil each morning. And are you sure your eyes weren't closed? Because I lost count of the times you trod on my feet," Dori replied.
"I almost walked away with one of Telchar's swords," Nori bragged around a strip of bacon, "A part of one any way."
Thorin cleared his throat, setting his coffee mug on the table with a dull thud that silenced us all.
"About that, Nori," Thorin said. "We are very lucky that the elf maids didn't immediately hand you over to Elrond."
Nori dropped his eyes to his plate.
"Mahal, what were you thinking?" Thorin continued.
"I was thinking, it's dwarvish steel and it doesn't seem right for elves to possess it," Nori said, a hard edge to his voice.
"It's dwarvish steel of Nogrod! Dwarvish steel that was gifted to elves two ages ago," Thorin said with a sigh. "They have a stronger claim to it than you."
"Firebeard blood runs through my veins, as well as Longbeard," Nori said bitterly.
"Is it worth that much to you? Are you willing to jeopardize our quest over it? Did you not think how embarrassing it would be for me if I had to explain to Elrond why you took it?" Thorin's voice grew louder with each question. By the end he thundered. "It's embarrassing enough that the maids caught you!"
"I didn't think of that, no," Nori said meekly. "It won't happen again."
"We can not afford any sort of trouble with Elrond. No more foolishness is allowed from anyone!" Thorin commanded.
We chorused "Aye," and nodded in response.
"Pay up," Dwalin said, leaning over to Gloin.
Gloin grunted, then begrudgingly handed him a small pouch of coins.
"What's that for?" Fili asked.
"He bet and lost," Dwalin said, hefting the coin bag before pocketing it.
"Bet on what?" Bilbo asked. "Also, as the bookkeeper, shouldn't I be charged with tracking all wagers?"
Loud guffaws shook the walls at his joke.
"I bet that Bofur would be the first of us to land in trouble," Gloin said with a glower.
"Thanks a lot!" I spluttered, accidentally showering Bifur with coffee. He scowled at me as he dabbed his beard with the tablecloth.
"I had faith in you, Bofur," Dwalin said.
"And you bet against me?" Nori said, looking stricken.
"No, I only bet that Bofur wouldn't be the first," Dwalin said with a shrug.
"No more wagering against each other," Thorin entreated, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No thievery, no fornicating, no nude swimming or sunbathing, no doing anything to upset the elves ... please."
"We are in debt to the elf maids on a number of counts," Fili said. "We should find a way to repay them their kindness."
My heart leapt at the opening Fili made for the main part of my plan.
"You know, I believe that Gandalf had originally intended for us to host the elves for dinner," I said. "why don't we invite them here for an evening of entertainment?"
"That is ... not a terrible idea," Thorin said. "I'd like to wait for Gandalf to return before inviting them, however. They all know and trust him."
"He's gone again?" Bilbo cried. "He joined us for barely a day!"
"He said he needed to meet privately with some council," Thorin grumbled. "He didn't say what they'd be discussing. He only said it didn't concern our quest, and might take multiple days."
"I don't know that it's wise to wait-" I began, changing course when Thorin glared at me. "But, it's your call," I finished.
"We'll wait for Gandalf," Thorin said.
Despite having to wait, knowing we would soon host Fevelien in our chambers filled me with giddy anticipation. It was almost enough to salve the double sting from Gloin's bet and Thorin's admonition against coupling. I had no intention of doing anything to upset Fevelien, whatever anyone else thought.
I arrived at the training yard that morning in high spirits. Despite claiming to have no expectations of Fevelien, I did expect her to greet me with the same warmth we'd parted with the night before.
Good morning, I would say. Did you sleep well? I had a great time last night.
She stood stretching at the far end, the same as always. If she noticed me enter the yard, she didn't acknowledge me. Our training session began like every other one before it, and I felt disappointed. Before I could wallow too deep into my feelings, Bifur caught my attention.
"Look!" he whispered, pointing to the paving stone beside his left foot. I stared at it, my brow furrowed. I wondered what could be special about this stone, until I realized it was the stone. The stone Bombur had split with his axe the day before had been replaced already.
Bombur knelt down and used his index finger to trace the invisible line where the stone had cracked.
"It looks like the same stone," he whispered in awe. "But how is that possible? The repair is seamless."
A shadow fell over us. "Did you doubt Elrond's abilities?" Calearphen said. "He has the power to heal the very substance of Rivendell."
"Was he very angry when you told him?" Bombur asked, his eyes wide.
"No," Calearphen said, her normally hard tone softening for a moment. "If anything, he is as impressed with your strength as we are."
"Me?" Bombur asked, flushing bright pink. "You're impressed with me?"
"Don't let it go to your head," she said with a snort. "You should work more on your balance."
"He balanced just fine when we danced last night," Fevelien said, startling me by appearing beside us without having made a sound.
"I like to dance," Bombur said, still flushed. "Fighting, not so much."
Calearphen frowned. "All the more reason for you to practice, then. Knowing how and when to fight could save your life or the life of your cousin or brother one day."
"The movements we're teaching you are just another kind of dance," Fevelien said. "Your stomping feet set the rhythm. Synchronize your attacks with them, and you'll find your balance."
Bombur nodded skeptically. "I will try," he said.
Fevelien's eyes flitted over Bifur and me, but before I could even say, "hello," she had turned and crossed to the center of the court to address everyone.
"Hopefully you didn't all eat and drink so much last night that you're too full to move, because after a quick review - without stops - we're going to begin practicing a whole new set of movements today." Fevelien said.
"Báh, that deer last night was just a light snack for us," Dwalin said.
"Forgive me for underestimating your digestive capacity," Fevelien said, laughing. "I take it you're all ready to begin, then?"
A chorus of "Ayes," met her, so she and Calearphen began.
If Fevelien didn't show me the same attention that she had the night before, then at least Calearphen seemed in good humor; laughing with us more than at us. Thorin also seemed slightly less curmudgeonly; presumably because the elves kept quiet about Nori's indiscretion.
As my body began to warm up to the new motions, it occurred to me that what had begun just a few days ago as an excuse for me to get close to Fevelien had turned into a serious training regimen.
I still tried to make her laugh and smile whenever I had the opportunity. Now, I had competition as the others had grown comfortable enough to begin joking with her as well. She was constantly redirecting them.
She takes her training seriously I reminded myself. I began to focus more on the movements, and less on trying to command her attention.
At the end of our session Fevelien gathered us together.
"You all are improving so quickly, that I think after two more days of these movements we'll be ready to add the third set."
"There are even more to learn?" Bombur cried in dismay.
"Yes, and still more beyond that, but I think three sets will be enough. After you learn the third group of seven, we're going to begin sparring. I want to try something different with you," she said.
Fili and Kili exchanged a pair of wide grins.
"Are you going to show us how to make our weapons sing?" Fili asked.
Fevelien's smile faltered when he said this. "No, I'm afraid not," she said.
"How long will it take us? How many practices before we get them to sing?" Kili asked.
"I'm sorry," Fevelien said, drawing her sword and bending on one knee to show them the Tegwar inscribed on its blade. "Your weapons will never sing."
Their smiles withered at her words.
"This blade was forged in Ost-in-Edhil during the Second Age," she continued. "Only a few were ever made, and most of them are lost, now."
"I witnessed axes singing at Azanulbizar," Thorin said, frowning as he examined the inscription.
Fevelien nodded. "Those axes were made by the same smiths, members of the Gwaith-i-Mírdain working with dwarves of Khazad-dûm."
"Where are the axes now?" Fíli asked.
"Scattered to the winds, as far as I know," Thorin lamented. "The 'uzghukamthan who wielded them are gone."
"If you were to recover an axe, then you could learn to sing with it," Fevelien said to FIli. "A bond of harmony must be built between weapon and wielder, but if you continue to practice it wouldn't take long."
Fili and Kili gazed hungrily at her blade, no doubt imagining themselves with their own singing weapons. Thorin gazed up at the sky, perhaps recalling the weapons stores in the Lonely Mountain, and making plans to search them when we finally made our way inside.
"Thank you," Fili said at last. "For training with us."
"Oh," she said dismissively, standing up and sheathing her sword. "This is fun for me. Maybe not so much for Calearphen." She glanced toward the gate where her friend had exited with Estel. "But you're growing on her. See you tomorrow." She turned and walked through the gate herself.
I felt a bit deflated that she hadn't said goodbye to me. My mind, unbidden, replayed her tugging on the end of my hood and calling me Raenor.
"Ready?" Bombur asked, tucking his axe into his belt. Bifur had already slung his over his shoulder. I sighed as I joined them walking out the gate.
"See you tomorrow, Bofur Raenor," Fevelien said.
My head snapped up, my heart racing. She leaned against the wall a little ways down the path, eating a plum from one of the trees that lined it. I found myself smiling reflexively.
"See you tomorrow, Fevelien," I said. "Thank you for last night."
"Thank you for not stomping on my toes," she said.
I opened my mouth to respond just as Bifur and Bombur both shot me warning glares.
"What did I tell you? Perfect rhythm," I said, my smile broadening.
Bifur cleared his throat. What are you doing? his eyes flashed me in alarm.
"We've got a lot to get done this afternoon," Bombur said, prodding me in the back to walk faster. I sighed and let them sweep me down the path to our rooms.
"What happened to your promise?" Bombur hissed in my ear as we walked.
"I was only exchanging pleasantries," I said.
"You were flirting," Bombur whispered. Bifur nodded his agreement.
After a quick lunch, Bifur, Bombur, and I headed straight to the forge. Imladan seemed to expect us, and didn't blink when we stripped out of our tunics once again. Between the three of us, we made a pair of grappling hooks, and dozens of turnbuckles and quickdraws.
I paid our ponies a visit that evening in the stable, hoping that I might run into Fevelien there. I fed each one a round, red apple from the orchard then groomed mine - a grey mare named Dovie. We had never kept animals growing up, so caring for Dovie had felt strange at first. Now I found it not much different from looking after our young cousins. They had the same basic needs: food and drink, security and shelter, and a little affection.
Dovie turned out to be less demanding than the wee dwarves. Though she produced more shit, hers at least smelled like grass and cleaned up easier. She and the other ponies were let out during the day to frolic with the elves' horses, so I didn't even need to exercise her. She liked me to scratch her on the top of her neck, and I happily obliged. I spent a long time brushing out her mane, and even braided her forelock
I carried out this daily routine: rising early to bathe and make my beard look presentable, training in the morning, tinkering with the forge each afternoon, and tending to Dovie in the evening. All the while, I hoped for an opportunity to catch Fevelien alone.
I didn't dare invite her out for a garden walk or a cliffside picnic, as I did in my fantasies. I knew that I shouldn't entertain these thoughts. I knew that I shouldn't scheme to make them a reality. And yet, as I'd told my brother, I couldn't deny my feelings.
One morning, nearly a week after first teasing us with it, Fevelien revealed her surprise. We'd just completed half a dozen flawless cycles of all 21 movements. We wiped sweat from our brows and caught our breaths while she spoke.
"We're going to hold a friendly competition beginning tomorrow," she said. "You'll all spar with one another while Calearphen and I keep score."
"Like a tournament?" Fili asked.
She nodded. "I've even gathered blunted axes for you, so that none of you lose a limb."
"Oh, I can't wait. I'm going to knock you down a peg!" Kili said to his brother.
"Ha! You can certainly try!" Fili said, still smiling.
"I said friendly," Fevelien emphasized with a laugh.
"Will there be prizes?" Kili asked.
"You'll win the admiration of your peers and bragging rights for the day," Calearphen said flatly.
"What if we come up with our own prize?" Fili asked.
Fevelien and Calearphen exchanged a glance.
"I don't see why not," Fevelien said.
"As long as it's reasonable," Calearphen said.
"How about, whoever wins will get to spar with one of you!" Fili called out.
"Is that supposed to be a reward?" Dwalin scoffed.
"Are you embarrassed to lose to an elf?" I asked.
"A female elf?" taunted Oin.
"Don't worry, Dwalin," Fili called out, "I intend to win, so there's no chance of you embarrassing yourself."
This led to a great deal of jeering amongst us.
"How about we let the champion choose their own reward?" Fevelien said. "You could choose to spar with me, or something else ... within reason."
My interest in the tournament increased tenfold with the potential to spend more one-on-one time with Fevelien, even if we did spend it sparring. I could choose to do something else with her, I thought. This immediately led to numerous other thoughts about what something else could entail, none of which she would likely consider within reason. I had to quash these thoughts before the stirrings they caused became too obvious.
Dovie greeted me with an enthusiastic whinny that night. Her coat gleamed like polished nickel. I brushed her mane and tall, and then braided them while she munched her oats. Meanwhile, the stall usually occupied by Fevelien's horse stood empty. Nearly a week of nightly stable visits had flown by with nary a glimpse of Fevelien.
I'd dragged a crate into Dovie's stall to stand on while grooming her, and once done I perched on it, leaned my back against the wall, and began sketching. I'd stared at the design of Fevelien's heraldry above her horse's stall often enough to draw it from memory, but I wanted to get the proportions perfect.
It featured a broad green leaf on a circle of gold, split by a winding blue river. I sketched it several times onto a scrap of parchment, thinking that I would craft something for her, but not knowing what. The shadows throughout the stable grew darker as twilight closed on night. I would soon need a lantern to see my drawing.
The clop of horse hooves, accompanied by snorting and blowing caught my attention. I looked up just in time to see Fevelien walking side-by-side with her horse through the wide stable door.
"Sedho, Talroval," she said, guiding him toward his stall. He towered over her, the top of her head just reaching the top of his shoulder. They may have strode right past me without noticing, had I not stood up.
"Bofur!" she called, sounding surprised.
"Good evening," I said. "I didn't mean to startle you."
"You were sitting there so quietly," she said, opening the door to Talroval's stall. He flicked his red tail as he turned around and stretched his neck out for her to scratch.
"I am normally a bit loud, I suppose," I said with a smile.
"So, this is your fancy girl, then," she said, nodding toward Dovie.
"Yes," I said. "I haven't kept a pet before, it's nice."
"A good horse is more than a pet," she said, rubbing beneath Talroval's jaw as he leaned against her and sighed. "They're a partner, once you earn their trust."
"I've just been bribing her with apples," I said.
"What's that?" she asked, gesturing to the scrap of parchment in my hand. I'd completely forgotten about it, and hurriedly folded and stuffed it into my pocket. I was glad for the deepening shadows, now.
"Oh, it's just a sketch, a bauble I'm working on in the forge," I said, hoping her eyes had not been keen enough to make it out.
"I hear you've been busy there," she said, giving Talroval a final pat and stepping toward me.
"I have! We'll be crossing the mountains soon and will need climbing gear," I said.
"You wouldn't want to lose Balin's viol off a cliff," she said. In the dim light, her sharp features gained a feral quality. I realized with a startling clarity that she resembled less the high elves of Rivendell, and more the dark woodland elves from the the kinds of stories told to young dwarves as warnings.
"No! Definitely not," I said with a nervous laugh. "How about you?"
"Hmm? No, I wouldn't want to lose it, either," she said, her eyes glimmering in the dark.
"I meant, what have you been up to?" I asked, kicking myself for sounding like a fool. My heart sped up, and I didn't know whether I would rather kiss her or flee.
"Oh, just unwinding with my partner, over there. He gets restless otherwise."
"Twilight seems a pleasant time for a ride," I said, swallowing hard.
"It's peaceful as the stars appear and the nightingales sing. Have you been riding much?" she asked.
Of course, my mind immediately jumped to another kind of riding, and I got distracted for a moment imagining her straddling my waist. Meanwhile her eyes threatened to swallow me whole as she waited for an answer.
"Me? No!" I said, panicking. "Honestly, I'm not much of a rider. I'd likely end up lost. I lose myself in the gardens on a daily basis."
"Rivendell can be like that," she said, her grin widening. She looked more wolfish than playful. I could believe, now, how she could thrive in a forest full of horrors. She might frighten them.
I blame the effects of her wild, dangerous beauty, and the magic in the air that night for what I said next.
"Perhaps we could ride together one of these nights? Since you know your way around. If you'd like company, then I'd gladly offer mine."
She fixed her inscrutable gaze on me for what felt like an eternity before nodding. "I might take you up on that," she said softly.
I smiled. "You can find me here any evening."
She looked like she was preparing to leave, so I stretched, gave Dovie a final pat on the neck and walked with her to the door.
"Sedho mae, Raenor," she said, stepping out into the night.
"Zann galikh, abnâmulûna," I responded, looking up to the stars.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, laughing as she walked away toward the footbridge that would take her to her bed.
I watched her until she disappeared around a curve in the path before turning and walking the other way to mine. I felt too stunned and elated to form a coherent thought beyond she hadn't said no. I wanted to tell Bifur and Bombur. I wanted to shout from the balcony. Of course, I couldn't tell anyone.
When I returned to our chambers that night, the sweet, woody smell of Gandalf's pipe smoke greeted me. I opened the door to find him sitting with Thorin before the map.
"Gandalf!" I cried. "I'm glad to see you."
He chuckled, "I can see that. I heard you humming on your way up the stairs. Did you miss me, or did you wish to seek my advice?"
"A little of both," I said. "I've been trying to convince Thorin to invite the elves to dinner, and he said we should wait for your return."
"Treating them to dinner is an excellent idea," Gandalf said.
"I already told him, Bofur," Thorin said, finally looking up from his map with a weary smile.
"So, it's happening?" I asked, my grin threatening to split my face.
"Yes, I think tomorrow evening, would be perfect," Gandalf said.
"That means we'll need to provide something for them to eat," said Balin, as he stood up from the arm chair where he'd been dozing off and stretched his legs.
"Can we just ask Elrond's chefs to cook a meal for us all?" Ori asked.
"They supplied their own deer, surely we can hunt our own game," Dwalin replied.
"Something no less grand," said Thorin, "a wild boar or goat perhaps."
"A boar hunt!" chimed Fili and Kili, grabbing their bows.
"It's dinner, not a competition," sighed Gandalf.
"Everything's a competition with the elves, I'm afraid," Balin said.
Thorin grunted. "We'll set out before dawn to give ourselves enough time. Dwalin, Dori, and Nori, you'll come along, too."
I heard no more of the discussion, as I glided to my room - still humming - to plan out what I would wear the next day.
Notes:
Báh = Aww (Khuzdul)
Tegwar = Elvish alphabet
Ost-in-Edhil = Fortress of the Eldar (Sindarin); the chief city in the elven realm of Eregion
Gwaith-i-Mírdain = People of the Jewel-smiths (Sindarin); a guild of Elven master craftsmen
'uzghukamthan = battlesingers (Kuzdul)
Sedho, Talroval = Rest, Wingedfoot (Sindarin)
Sedho mae, Raenor = Rest well, Smiling One (Sindarin)
Zann galikh, abnâmulûna = Good night, beautiful lady (Kuzdul)