Previously on Calamitous Intervention

After defeating the evil Warden Wrath, Anne was about to leave through the portal door when she realized that she can't simply leave Sasha and Marcy behind, believing they are in the same place as her. She decides to stay in the Demon Realm for the time being, still in contact with her parents.

Chapter Four - Witches Before Wizards

In the morning, the wind moved Anne's window, making it creak. She rolled around in bed, recalling all the events that had happened the day prior. Finding the Calamity Box, ending up in the Demon Realm, meeting Eda and King, defeating Warden Wrath...

She woke up with a gasp. "Mom, Dad, I just had the craziest-... dream..." She realized none of what happened was a dream. She looked toward a snoring King, sighing before smiling at him. "Well, I guess this is my life now."

Anne picked up the little creature, hugging him tightly. "Good morning, my baby precious!" King tried to wriggle out of her grasp, grunting. "I am not your baby precious!"

"Don't deny it," Anne replied, smirking, and set him down, going to get ready. King fell to his stomach lazily, sighing. "I know..."

She walked over and opened the bathroom door, seeing two owls flying out of it. "The heck kind of zoo is this place?" She muttered to herself, closing the door and walking toward the sink, but she saw something in the corner of her eye.

Hooty stared at her, terrifying her. "Hi, Anne!" She shrieked, punching him in the face. He grunted, getting away from her. "Ow! I'm just wishing you a good morning. Jeez! Hoot! Ow!"

"Uh, sorry, but a little warning next time?" Anne replied, washing her hair in the sink. "Well, it's the second day in this kooky place. No sign of Sasha or Marcy yet, but they have to be here. I'm certain of it."

She went to the living room and sat down, hearing footsteps coming down the stairs. She turned to see Eda wearing bunny slippers, with her back hunched over. The witch noticed Anne and looked confused.

"Good morning, Eda," Anne greeted. Eda blinked before shaking the spiders out of her hair. "Ugh... Who are you again?"

The human's shoulders slumped at this. "What? It's me, Anne. Anne Boonchuy. The human that punched the Warden Wrath in his big, stupid face?" A mug hit her head, making her flinch. Eda grabbed it, walking up to the fridge. "Kid, lay off the details. I haven't even had my cup of apple blood yet."

"Apple... blood?" Anne shuddered at this. "Please tell me you meant apple juice."

"No," the witch simply replied, before walking over and sitting on the kitchen table, sipping from her mug. Next to her, King was poking at his plate of eyeballs for breakfast, not seeming too interested in eating it.

"So, how does this witch business work?" Anne asked. "Do we say ancient incantations, or... whatever you do again in Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons?"

Eda snorted at this. "Humans think it's that simple. Listen up, kiddo. Being a witch doesn't happen overnight. Also, there's an owl nesting in your hair."

Anne looked up and waved the owl off. "Okay, but I need some way to survive here. I don't think Martial Arts is gonna do much against magic staffs."

"Oh yeah, you were riding on some kind of magic staff," Anne remembered. "Where is it?"

Eda wiped the apple blood off her mouth, outstretching her hand. "Magic staff, come to me!" Nothing happened but crashing noises on the other side of the house, confusing Anne. "Uhhh..."

The staff came from around the corner and rapidly shot over, hitting Eda in the face. "Ack!" She dropped it before picking it up and spinning it. "It's early. Now, witches are awarded their staffs from school."

Anne groaned at this. "School is the worst..." She remembered how things went back at St. James Middle School. Her times there weren't exactly… all that. The only reason she could even tolerate it is that she had Sasha and Marcy by her side.

Eda smirked. "Good to know we share the same opinion. With me as your teacher, you'll be taking a different approach." She dropped a bag filled with potions and other stuff. "You'll have to work for it."

"Good to know I'm on chore duty," Anne muttered, following Eda away. The witch continued. "I run a few businesses. On weekends, I offer rare human treasures that Owlbert drags over from your side of the realm."

This intrigued the human. "What kind of stuff are we talking about here?" Eda didn't say anything, as she picked up a toy sword and pressed a button on it, making it speak. "I shall smite my enemies! Ages six to eleven."

The witch threw the sword away. "But most days, I sell only the finest homemade elixirs and potions." Curious, Anne reached into the bag and grabbed the first bottle she saw. "Snake oil? Gross."

"Noone wants an unoiled snake," Eda told her before gesturing to her. "Now follow me." The two walked onto a balcony outside overlooking the surrounding land. "Today you'll deliver packages and sell potions to that town over there, Bonesborough." The witch pointed to the weirdest place the human had ever seen. "You'll have to be careful. I have rivals everywhere who'd love to take my business down, and you along with it."

"I don't have time to do all of this!" Anne protested. "I just want to find Sasha and Marcy and go home."

"And you will," Eda assured her, "but you need to be patient. Maybe you'll find one of them over there if you're lucky."

Anne sighed, before reluctantly agreeing. "Alright, but I'm not gonna stick around there for long. It's deeply unsettling." She hopped from the balcony onto a tree in front of it, swinging across its branch and falling to the ground, rolling.

Eda looked down, seeing that she was okay. "Dang, kid. You got the moves. Remember, never befriend a man in sandals, and always measure twice, cut once. Good luck!" She walked back into the house, leaving Anne alone outside.

Eda walked downstairs and found King napping on a chest near the front door. "I hate to interrupt your power nap, but you have to go with her."

This irritated the little furry creature. "What?! But I just found the perfect spot! Why do I have to go?"

"You and I know she's either going to get lost or eaten, probably both," Eda explained. "Even with her physical skills, one spell and it's all over. And because you work for me, too, unless you want to start paying rent."

King threw a momentary tantrum, before hopping down and stomping outside with Anne, who was about to walk away. "King?"

"Be back by nightfall or risk mortal peril!" Eda cheerfully warned, before slamming the door on them. "Have a nice trip!" Hooty said.

King rolled his eyes and sighed, walking away from the house. "Let's get this over with."

Anne stood there awkwardly before joining him. "Alrighty then."

They eventually arrived at Bonesborough, walking across the streets. Anne looked around, seeing the strange civilization around her. She saw some strange baby-faced caterpillar-looking thing, alongside a moving, sentient slime with a brain visible through its head, pushing a cart labeled, 'Not Dog'. "I don't like this one bit..."

They walked through an archway, the walls next to them covered in wanted posters. In front of them, various different kinds of demons walked past.

"Hey, it's rude to stare," King told her.

"I know, but I don't think Marcy could even make this stuff up if she wanted to," Anne replied. "Any sign of them?"

"I think I'd be able to notice them by now if they were here," King told her, and she continued on with her business. "You probably won't be finding them around here anytime soon. The Boiling Isles is nothing but a cesspool of despair."

Anne couldn't argue with that statement as they rang the doorbell for the first delivery. Just when Anne realized what it looked like, the mouth bit down on her finger and she screamed, punching it, but it only started eating her arm. "AHHHHHH!"

After that total fiasco, they sat on the sidewalk, with King eating something called a "Not Dog". The noises he made when chewing it down made it hard for Anne not to laugh.

They sat there for a moment in silence before Anne spoke up. "Apparently everybody in this town is a bunch of jerks that want to eat me. This day stinks." The two got up, with Anne carrying the bag of potions and ingredients over her shoulder and walking off with King.

"No sign of Sasha or Marcy either," Anne muttered. "So much for staying here. You're right, King. This place truly is a cesspo-" She gasped to see a massive, elegant castle in front of the two. "No way that's actually real."

The two walked up to the entrance, seeing two tall wooden doors with a golden doorbell. Anne rang it, and the doors opened to let them inside.

"Big houses always belong to big whack jobs," King informed her. "Let's kick the package inside and get outta here."

"Yeah, but..." Anne paused for a moment. "What if this could be the key to finding out where my two friends are? This definitely looks like a place Marcy would like to be, or Sasha... to conquer... We have to at least give it a try."

Ignoring King's warning, she went inside. King followed her, trying to change her mind. "Hey, wait!" The doors slammed behind him, scaring him. He looked behind him nervously before running forward. "Weh!"

"This seems really sketchy," Anne said, looking around. "Hey, I have a package here for ya from Eda the Owl Lady!"

Suddenly, lanterns illuminated the room, going from the bottom to the top layer. The lights revealed what looked like a massive library. A painting of a stereotypical wizard dressed in purple was displayed on the wall. Said wizard walked up, looking toward Anne and smiling.

"Weird old man in jim jams," King and Anne said at the same time, before looking at each other. The wizard walked down. "I was in my oscillarium, reading the stars. And who might you be, with eyes full of curiosity?"

This completely weirded Anne out. "Uhh..."

"Young lady, dareth I say," the wizard interrupted, "I sense something unique about you. Please, won't you join me for tea?" He drew a spell circle, summoning a couple of fancy chairs and a table filled with snacks. "Won't you join me for tea?"

"Actually, I have a questi-" Anne was about to say before King grabbed her leg, trying to pull her away. "Let's scram. Wizards are just old people with glitter in their pockets." As he said that, the wizard literally took glitter out of his pocket and dropped it to the floor as if he could hear him.

King climbed onto her shoulder, squinting at the wizard. "I don't trust him."

"Me neither, but I want to at least ask if he knows anything about Marcy or Sasha," Anne whispered back, walking forward. King sighed at this, knowing he couldn't convince her otherwise. He looked at the table and perked up when he saw scones. He leaped off of her shoulder and climbed up onto the table, happily chewing on the snacks.

Anne walked over to the chair across from the one the wizard was sitting in and sat down. "Oh, this feels nice. So, Mister Wizard, you must be pretty well known around here. Are you the king of this place?"

"Please, call me Adegast," the wizard told her. "Alas, no, I am not the ruler. I do run a small business, though."

King held up an empty plate. "You should run a small business of more scones… into my mouth! Haha! Yes!"

"I'm surprised to see you here," Adegast continued. "It was my understanding that Eda delivered the packages herself."

"I think she just wants me to be her personal servant," Anne replied.

"Oh!" This intrigued the wizard. "And how are you finding the experience so far?"

As they were speaking, King knocked over a plate of what looked to be cookies onto the floor, before leaping down and shoving them into his mouth.

"It's been very mixed, but mostly bad," Anne told Adegast. "Ever since I got here, there's been no sign of my two friends who probably are here too."

"I have a question for you," Adegast told her. "Would you like to go on a quest?"

Anne's face dropped at this. "A what now?"

"A quest," the wizard repeated. "Luckily for you, I know where your friends are. I might have just the thing to help you." He pulled out a scroll, unraveling it to show her a map. "The prophecy speaks of a young human girl who will claim the Celestial Staff and free this world from an ancient evil. Oh, and also free your friends from the curse they're bound under by the evil wizard. My uh… brother. Perhaps thou hath cometh here for a reason."

Anne looked at the map thoroughly before crumpling it up and tossing it to the ground. "Yeah, that's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard. Come on, King. You were right. Let's get out of here."

She began to leave, but the wizard leaped in front of her to stop her. "Perhaps you should reconsider, young one. I sense a deep potential within you. Backing down from this quest will mean backing down from your destiny of becoming a true hero-"

He then realized Anne had already walked past him as he was talking. King grabbed a book from the bookshelf and threw it at the wizard's head. "Nyeh! We don't care!"

They left the castle, and Anne rolled her eyes. "I swear, there are scammers in every world. Did you see the way that guy dressed?"

King laughed at this. "Yeah, probably would've put on a whole show. What a loser. Let's get out of here."

Suddenly, the surrounding air changed as a massive tentacle slammed onto the ground, stopping them from going any further. The two turned around to see the castle completely shriveling up and disappearing.

"Of course, she had to send a competent child!" A deeper voice rumbled, as an octopus-like demon showed itself, grabbing King and lifting him into the air upside down. "AHH! ANNE!"

"King!" Anne tried to run up to save him, but another tentacle grabbed her and held her in the air. "Ugh! Why are you doing this, you creepy mutant?!"

"Your mentor has been stealing customers from my potions business for years," Adegast growled. "She must be destroyed."

"So, not only are you creepy and trying to scam me, but you are also super petty!" Anne yelled, trying to escape from his grasp. "Let me go! It's not like Eda even knows where we are right now, so she's not even gonna fall for your trap!"

Adegast got angry at this. "No matter. I'll eat you and your little dog as payback then! That'll slow down her business and I'll be the one stealing her customers!"

He raised them up to the air, hanging right above his mouth. Anne had a last-second idea and bit down on his tentacle as hard as she could.

"GOWWW!" Adegast yelled and dropped her down. She fell toward his face as she yelled, kicking him and making him flinch. "You will pay for that!"

This also made him drop King, and Anne leaped up to catch him before running off. "I am not dealing with this today!"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU DUMMKOPFS!" Adegast yelled, before stopping for a second. "Where did that word come from?"

He continued chasing them through Bonesborough, trying to swipe at them. "You're not getting away from me!" Suddenly, she was able to lose him. Confused, she looked back to see a bunch of coven guards restraining Adegast. "NOO! YOU WRETCHED COVEN GUARDS!"

Anne took this chance to flee the scene, not wanting the guards to notice and restrain her too. Luckily, they didn't. A while later, they made it back to the Owl House.

Before Hooty could say anything, they rushed into the house past him, with Anne panting heavily. "This world is messed up…"

Eda heard the ruckus and comes downstairs, noticing the two. "Let me guess. Did one of my clients try to eat you?"

"Yep," Anne confirmed. "Adegast, or whatever his name is, tried to trick me into going on this cheesy, cliche quest. When we declined, he tried to eat us. I kicked him in his ugly face, though."

"Figures," Eda mumbled, taking a sip of apple blood. "I didn't know him that well. Next time, I'll be sure to send him a hex in the mail instead."

Anne sighed, walking over to the couch and sitting down. "I don't get it. What other place is there in this world?"

"I'm pretty sure it's just the Boiling Isles," Eda told her. "Well, not pretty sure, 'cause I've never been outside of it. If your friends are somewhere else, all I can say is 'good luck'."

Anne didn't reply, and the witch walked up to her. "But if you're here, then surely your other friends are too. Maybe one of them already joined a coven, or attended… ugh… magic school."

This gave the human an idea. "That's it! Marcy always loved to study. Maybe she's in one of those! Where can I find one?"

"Well, the nearest priso- I mean school is Hexside," Eda explained. "But honestly, kid, if I were you, I'd rather just cut my losses than go to that freak show. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"Not happening," Anne replied, getting up off of the couch. "Look, it's not like I'm gonna attend. I hate school, remember? I just need to find out if Marcy's there, and then we can find Sasha afterward. I just want to get out of here. This place is full of jerks. I kinda wish it was at least as pleasant as Marcy envisioned a fantasy world to be."

"Hmm. Maybe not here," Eda said. "But come with me. I got something to show you."

A little while later, after they went some place the human didn't know, Anne heard the witch say, "Okay, you can look."

Anne untied her blindfold and took it off, looking at the beautiful sight of… a giant corpse laying in the ocean? The three of them were suspended high up in the air, resting on Eda's staff. The strange, colossal figure held the entire Boiling Isles on its bones. The Sun set behind the skull of the titan, illuminating it. The trees covering the isles are orange, almost as if it was Autumn in Anne's world.

Despite the major differences from her world, Anne expected to find the concept of everybody living on a decomposed corpse of a giant to be disgusting, but she couldn't help but look on in awe. "Wow, what is that thing? It's huge!"

"The bones of the titan of the Boiling Isles," Eda explained. "Up close, the Isles can be slimy…"

"And very stinky," King added, starting to get sleepy.

"And gross," Eda agreed. "But if you look at it from a different perspective…" The three of them looked up at the beautiful night sky, seeing many stars. A shooting star briefly came into view, fading into the horizon.

Anne smiled at this. "So, does this mean I could learn how to do spells like a witch does? I'm not really into fantasy and all that junk, but I can't pass up an opportunity like that. It's freaking magic, for crying out loud!"

"Magic runs this place," Eda replied. "Without it, our civilization would probably collapse. However, the fact you were able to survive against a demon in Bonesborough does prove you can at least defend yourself. But it's only going to get more difficult from here on out, which is why you need to be careful."

As they continued to enjoy the sight, King closed his eyes and fell asleep, leaning against Anne's shoulder. She wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer.

To Be Continued in Chapter Five

Sorry for the short chapter, everybody! Realistically, I just don't see Anne falling for Adegast's tricks. The next chapter will be longer, I promise. I'd prefer to cover only one full episode per chapter if possible, but I may have to improvise later on.

Also, I now have a co-writer who's been a huge help to me so far! His name is RobTheWrecker, a friend of mine on Discord. He's helping by improving these chapters and has even made a spreadsheet for jotting down notes for future chapters. We have big plans for the future of this story.

~ Scruffy