*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Notes: Chapter 10 of 'Slash's Revenge' is here and this one is a bit on the sad side. I hope no one minds me posting it a week earlier than normal. My stepdaughter is getting married next week, so I wanted to get this chapter up before all the craziness starts. XD

Thanks so very much to my absolutely amazing 'editing staff,' Joanne N. Grey and Captain Vegeta. I am incredibly blessed to have these two remarkable women helping me with my stories. They are the super glue that holds me together! I love you both!

I also want to thank all my readers, friends, and followers. You're all super and amazing, as well. *hugs*

Okay, let's jump right into the chapter before I get too sappy. Thank you lots and lots for reading. ;) CJ

Chapter 10 – Not the Same

The laboratory doors were closed up, good and tight. They had been ever since that night.

That awful, awful night…

Raphael found himself looking in the general direction of the lab every few minutes or so, half-expecting his genius brother to come bursting out of the sliding doors to tell them all about some crazy new invention he'd just finished. Never in all his life had Raph wanted so badly to hear the sound of his immediate younger brother's screechy 'look what I did' voice. The same voice the hotheaded turtle had oftentimes rolled his eyes at or tuned out completely, because he had better things to do or didn't have the patience to listen to whatever his brainy little brother had to say.

He hadn't realized how important that voice was until it was gone. He would've given anything to have it back again. To have his brother back again…

It had been four days since the abduction. Four days since any of them had seen or heard from the genius turtle. Four days since the family had been forced to listen to the atrocious sound of Donatello being mercilessly tortured by the monster who had taken him away from them.

His screams still haunted their every thought.

Currently, Donnie's three brothers were moping about in the pit of the lair, just waiting for the sun to set so they could resume their search efforts. Their father had strictly forbidden them from going up to the surface during the daytime, claiming it was much too dangerous for any of them to be topside while it was light out. This had not been a popular decision by any means. The boys had adamantly voiced their strong disapproval of the ordinance – even the ever-dutiful Leonardo – but their father had stood his ground. As much as Master Splinter wanted to go up there and bring his second youngest child home, he could not risk the lives of his other three sons. If mankind were to discover their existence, the consequences could be deadly.

Hence the reason the boys were left to impatiently wait in the confines of the lair until darkness settled over the city once again.

It was an excruciatingly painful process. The daylight hours crept by slower than the three brothers could ever remember; each minute seemed longer than the last.

They attempted to occupy their time with their usual daily activities, but it didn't seem right to do the routine things they enjoyed while Donnie was out there somewhere, being held prisoner by an insane, bloodthirsty mutant. The thought of what Slash could be doing to their gentlest brother was enough to suck the joy out of everything.

And so, they just sat there, waiting for the clock to hurry up.

In a cruel twist of fate, the three of them were currently sitting in almost the exact locations they had been the day of Donnie's kidnapping: Raph on the beanbag chair, Mikey on the floor in front of the TV, and Leo on the couch. Just like that day, Raph had a comic book in his hands and Leo had a magazine. However, both brothers were far too distracted to absorb anything from their reading material. Mikey had switched on the television set, but he wasn't actually watching TV. No one was. The machine had been turned on for the express purpose of creating background noise to drown out the silence none of them wanted to hear.

Once again, Raphael found himself staring at the closed lab doors, hoping against hope that his brainiac brother would interrupt them, just as he had four days ago. The irony of it all was that the red-masked turtle had been annoyed by the disruption back then. Now, he wanted nothing more than to have his younger brother barge in on them like before.

Tearing his eyes away from the lab, Raph turned his stare straight ahead. It was then that he noticed Mikey's big, blue eyes were also fixed on the doors.

As it turned out, the hotheaded turtle wasn't the only brother who kept glancing over at the laboratory. For the past half hour or so, Michelangelo had also been volleying his gaze back and forth between the doors and the floor beneath him. Every time the turtle in orange looked over at his big brother's lab, he felt his heavy heart drop a little lower, but he still couldn't stop himself from doing it. There was this naïve part of him still clinging to the belief that this was all just one bad dream. One that was taking forever to wake up from. Mikey had long lost count of how many times he had pinched himself, trying to get himself to snap out of his stupor. Truth be told, all that pinching was seriously starting to hurt.

To Michelangelo, four days had felt like an eternity. The youngest turtle missed his brainy brother so much it hurt to even breathe. He missed Donnie's big, goofy, gap-toothed smile. He missed the way Donnie used to yell at him for messing with his stuff. He missed Donnie trying to teach him facts and sciency things, even if it he didn't understand about ninety percent of what his smartest brother ever said. Mostly, Mikey missed his best friend. His best friend that had always been there for him.

Until now…

A melodramatic sigh deflated out Mikey, not just because he was super sad, but also, because he wanted to fill the room with some much-needed noise. The lair was once again getting too quiet for Mikey's sanity and he felt as though the walls were closing in on him.

When the sigh didn't satisfy his need for sound, the youngest brother decided that talking was the next best thing.

"So… has anyone heard anything from April today?" Spinning around so he was facing the couch, Mikey looked up at his two oldest brothers and immediately noticed something was off. Granted, the youngest turtle may not have been the sharpest brother in the sewers, but even he knew Raph and Leo were pretending to be reading. Their eyes weren't actually moving, and now that he was really thinking about it, he hadn't heard either one of them turn a page for like fifteen minutes now. Maybe more like twenty… That and they were both still staring blankly at the same exact comic book and magazine they had been holding in their hands for over two hours now. There was no way it could possibly take Raph that long to read one comic book. Even if it was a double issue.

"No." Leonardo's quiet response was halfhearted at best. He knew very well that his youngest brother was only throwing the question out there to strike up a conversation, because Michelangelo suffered from what Donatello had once referred to as 'sedatephobia.' Leo remembered the comical moment that Donnie had diagnosed their baby brother with the condition all too well. Poor Mikey had vehemently denied his genius brother's conclusion, stating that he liked to go out with girls, but he just hadn't found the right one yet. After doing a face-palm, Donnie had quickly gone on to explain that 'sedatephobia' wasn't the fear of dating; it was the fear of silence. Mikey had to take a few lengthy seconds to fully process what Donnie had said before loudly proclaiming…

"I'm so not afraid of silence!"

Of course, Donnie, being the witty and sarcastic turtle he was, had simply responded…

"And I rest my case."

There was no doubt in Leonardo's mind that Mikey hadn't understood Donatello's snarky comment, because the youngest turtle scrunched his face up like he had eaten something unbelievably sour, but that was part of what had made the moment all the more hilarious. Donnie's snide little remark and Mikey's subsequent expression had been absolutely priceless.

That memory had always brought a huge smile to Leonardo's face, but now, it brought him nothing but sadness. He glanced over at his genius brother's laboratory, but only for a fleeting second. If he would have looked in that direction for even a moment longer, he may have lost the internal battle he was fighting to hold it together.

Mikey's quivering voice kept Leonardo from drowning in his misery, but it wasn't long before the leader found himself sinking in his baby brother's despair.

"M – Maybe we should call her. You know, in case she found something."

"Mikey, don't you think April would've called if she found something?" The tone of Leonardo's voice was deliberately soothing, knowing just how vulnerable Mikey was right now. The leader didn't want to discourage his little brother from staying positive, but at the same time, he didn't want to fill him with a false sense of hope, either.

"Well, maybe she found Donnie and she just got too distracted to call."

As much as Leo wanted to simply agree with Mikey, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that April would never ever get too distracted to call if she found something. Not when she knew just how much they had all been suffering over their brother's absence. Not when she also knew just how torturous every second felt since they had been without Donatello. The worrying and the not knowing were killing her, too.

Leonardo looked down at his youngest sibling with the deepest of sympathy. It broke his heart to watch his baby brother go through such torment. Not even Mikey's vibrant orange mask could disguise the dark circles imprinted underneath his red-rimmed eyes.

The long nights of searching were pushing them all past their limits. From the time the sun set to the time the sun rose, they would comb the city for their kidnapped brother. Yes, they were used to late nights, but not like this. They had never put in so many hours before, let alone under such duress. Resolve verging on sheer desperation had them searching straight on through dawn. And with each passing night they failed to find their genius brother, their efforts grew more and more intense.

Due to the extra hours they had been putting in, morning practice sessions had been placed on hold in order for them to get more rest, but none of them were able to sleep all that soundly knowing that Donnie was still missing. They were all virtually running on empty at this point, but they weren't about to stop looking. Not so long as their brother was still in the clutches of a heartless monster.

If we ever find Donnie, I'm gonna –

Leo stopped himself mid-thought when he realized he had started it with an 'if' rather than a 'when.' He mentally cursed himself for thinking even for a second that he might not ever see his little brother again. Their father had always taught them never to lose hope. How could Leo just abandon his sense of optimism so readily when his brother was out there someplace fighting for his life?

Thoughts getting much too heavy for his weary soul to withstand, Leonardo shifted his attention back onto his troubled baby brother. Anything to get out of his own head for a while.

"April wants to find Donnie just as much as we do, Mikey. That's why she's been out searching every day. She'll call if she finds something. She knows how important this is to us."

Mikey let out a melancholy little whimper and nodded his head almost imperceptibly. His gaze then once again drifted over to his brainy brother's lab doors only for him to be disappointed for the umpteenth time that day. What hope the youngest turtle was still clinging to was starting to fray at both ends, and he was the optimistic one.

"It's a little less than an hour before we can go out again, Mikey. Maybe you should grab a quick bite to eat. You didn't have much for lunch." The suggestion seemed a bit hypocritical, since Leonardo had skipped lunch altogether, but he just didn't have an appetite. Plus, a part of him was trying to keep his distance from Raph and Mikey. This greatly reduced the likelihood of him breaking down in front of them; something he didn't want them to see again. As the oldest brother and designated leader, it was his duty to remain strong, or at least maintain the illusion of strength during this difficult time.

"I guess I'm kinda hungry. Anybody want anything?" Mikey's voice was completely devoid of the usual brightness it carried; instead filled with gloom and despair. Even the way he got up to his oversized feet was somehow depressing.

"No thanks, Mikey. I'm good." Leo declined Michelangelo's offer as gently as possible so as not to further upset his already distraught brother.

Raphael, on the other hand, didn't even bother to respond to Mikey's offer. In fact, the red-banded turtle hadn't spoken for hours now.

Leo watched his baby brother trudge towards the kitchen with his shoulders and head hung as low as they could go, like gravity was pulling on him harder than it should. Once the youngest turtle was out of earshot, Leo then turned and set his sights on Raphael.

"You're awfully quiet." As if to corroborate Leonardo's comment, Raphael just sat there and stared at his comic book with an illegible expression that worried the leader far more than Mikey's despondent behavior.

It was impossible not to notice Raphael looked nothing short of terrible. His bloodshot eyes were as red as his mask and the skin on his face was several shades lighter than it should've been. Leo wondered if Raph had gotten even a wink of sleep since their younger brother had been taken.

Not that the rest of them had gotten a whole lot of sleep…

The family was on the verge of collapsing.

Without Donnie, there was no one there to fix everything…

"Raph?"

"What? You weren't exactly talking up a storm, either." A tired grimace was hidden behind the pages of Raphael's comic book. For some reason, he thought the paper wall he had put up could protect him from Leonardo's scrutinizing eyes, but the hotheaded turtle should've known there was no hiding anything from his nosy big brother.

"Well, at least I responded to him. You didn't even acknowledge he was there. That isn't helping, you know? Mikey needs us to be supportive right now. He's having a really hard time dealing with this." Though it was obvious Leonardo had been trying to appeal to the protective, big brother side of Raph, that's not what side he got.

"You think he's the only one having a hard time?" The gruff tone of Raphael's voice had been meant to warn his big brother to back off, but as usual, the fearless leader didn't take the obvious hint.

Peeking over his shoulder, Leonardo made sure that his baby brother was still safely out of hearing range before responding. "We're all having a hard time, Raph, but you know how sensitive Mikey is. And you know how close he is with Donnie. This is killing him. He needs us to be here for him."

"So what? You want me to paint on some fake smile and pretend everything's all hunky-dory? Maybe hold his hand or give him a pat on the shell? Even Mikey would see right through that crap! He knows everything's not okay! He doesn't need us to act like it is! What he needs is Donnie!" The hotheaded turtle's voice climbed in volume and anger with each sentence that he spit out.

Breathing in deeply, Leo closed his eyes for several drawn-out seconds, determined not to let Raph rope him into yet another shouting match. Things around the lair were already tense enough as it was without the temperamental turtle flying off the handle left and right. Not only that, but if the two of them managed to interrupt Master Splinter while he was trying to meditate again, Leonardo was pretty sure both he and Raphael's shells would be cracked.

"I'm just asking you to be a little nicer, Raph. That's all. Mikey… he looks up to you."

"Why in the shell would he look up to me? I'm the reason Donnie's gone. If anything, he should hate me. You all should." The words dipped down to a near-whisper by the time Raphael finished them. He then tossed his comic book to the floor so he could wrap his hands around his face.

"None of us could ever hate you, Raph." Leo intentionally ignored the comment about his red-clad brother being the reason that Donnie was gone. The oldest turtle was still having a difficult time not blaming Raphael for what had happened, but Leonardo had made a conscious effort of not voicing his opinion on the matter.

Accusing Raph of being at fault wasn't going to solve anything.

It wasn't going to bring Donnie back…

But just because Leo secretly held Raph responsible for Donnie's capture, that didn't mean he hated his hotheaded brother. There wasn't anything Leonardo's siblings could ever do to make him hate them. They meant everything to him. He would gladly give his life to protect them.

"Well, if I were you, I'd hate my guts. I bet Donnie does." The hands that had just muffled Raph's comments were slowly dragged down his face, at long last revealing the unspeakable anguish he was feeling inside. There was so much pain in that expression, it nearly made Leonardo's already fragile poise falter.

"You know Donnie better than that, Raph." The eldest turtle's sapphire gaze met Raphael's emerald one; both pairs of eyes glistening with a layer of tears the brothers were stubbornly trying to hide from one another. Too proud to let the hurt show.

Raph pulled his legs towards his chest and folded his arms over the tops of his kneepads. His face was turned down into a cross between a frown and a scowl. Had Mikey seen the lop-sided expression, he probably would have dubbed it a 'frowl' or a 'scrown.'

"You didn't hear his voice, Leo. It was so frail, like he barely had the strength to speak at all. And I've never heard him sound so scared. He even called me 'Raphie.' When was the last time you heard him call me that?" Raph's suddenly blank stare made its way down to the floor; a silent admission that he couldn't look his older brother in the eyes a second longer.

"Not since we were kids. We all pretty much stopped calling you that the day you threatened to beat the shell out of anyone who ever called you 'Raphie' again." The corners of Leonardo's mouth curled into the faintest of smiles over the memory.

"Yeah… I remember it took a few weeks to 'break' Mikey of the habit, and even you slipped up a couple of times, but I never once had to remind Donnie. He was smart enough to know better than to call my bluff. He's always been the smartest one." Raphael could feel tears start to dampen his mask; the red material sopping them up like a sponge. A mix of foolish pride and humiliation had him grinding his knuckles into his eye sockets to let the wraps around his hands soak up any telltale moisture that may have still been there.

But the tears just continued to come…

"We're going to find him," Leonardo pledged with as much conviction as he could still summon forth. He had said that exact line so many times now, he worried just how convincing it was anymore, but Leo truly felt it bore repeating at this particular moment. He could see and hear the rapid hope loss in his brother, like what was left of Raph's faith was steadily draining out of him. It was painfully obvious the leader needed to reassure his hotheaded brother, now more than ever.

After hours of being submersed in the beanbag chair, Raphael finally pushed himself up to his feet only to sit right back down beside his older brother on the couch.

A full minute passed before Raph said anything. Leo had been half-tempted to fill the awkward silence, much the way that Mikey would have had he still been in the room, but the eldest turtle, instead, opted to wait his red-banded brother out. Raphael generally wasn't one to open up about what he was feeling inside, so the last thing Leo wanted to do was force his brother to talk before he was ready.

"I – I can't do this anymore, Leo. I can't just sit around the lair, knowing he's in danger because of me. We should be out there looking for him, twenty-four seven. I know what Sensei said, but every day we fail to find Donnie is another day he thinks we've abandoned him."

Leonardo never thought he would ever see his hotheaded brother look as broken as the night they had lost Donnie, but the dejected expression now engraved across Raphael's face was somehow even worse.

"Donnie knows we would never stop looking for him." In all honesty, Leo wasn't sure who he was trying harder to convince of this: Raphael or himself.

"Does he really know that? After all the awful things I said to him, he probably thinks I don't even care about him. What if this whole time, he's been thinking we're not coming for him?" The weakness Raphael always tried so hard to hide came radiating through in his cracked voice.

Leonardo shook his head to demonstrate his disagreement.

"Donnie's smarter than anyone I've ever known, Raph. I'm sure he's realized by now that it was just your insanely bad temper talking. He knows you care about him. That's why he called you 'Raphie' that night. I know he heard the concern we all heard in your voice when you were talking to him on the phone. Right before… before…" Leo couldn't finish the sentence, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't bring himself to actually say the words 'before Slash tortured him.' The leader could still hear his second youngest brother's screams echoing inside his head. How could he ever forget?

The sound of a poorly stifled sob snapped Leo out of his thoughts and what he saw when he gazed over at Raph had him choking on a sob of his own. The sight of his rough and tough brother on the verge of crying was something Leo had never expected. It was also something the eldest turtle never wanted to see.

"I told him he ruined everything, Leo. I called him a screw-up and a walking disaster. Our little brother is being held captive by that merciless psycho because of me. For four days, he's been going through who knows what kind of torture because I can't control my anger," Raph muttered in a voice that was stripped of all strength. He couldn't fight off the tears anymore. The pain was too much. He looked at Leo and it was as though his mournful eyes were pleading with his older brother to do something to make the hurt go away.

The problem being, Leo didn't have a clue how to make the hurt go away. If he did, he certainly wouldn't be feeling just as miserable as Raph right now. Sadly, there were no magical words of solace or wisdom to make Raphael feel better, so Leo did the only thing that he could think of. He let his actions speak louder than words. He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his red-masked brother, pulling him into a comforting embrace and holding onto him for dear life.

Normally, Raph would have resisted such an intimate gesture. Especially when it was coming from his overbearing older brother. But, in this instance, the temperamental turtle immediately buried his face into the crook of Leo's neck, allowing himself to be consoled by his brother's powerful grip. It was a rare display of affection from the hothead, who was no longer able to contain his emotions. Not when he was feeling so broken inside.

Each breath the turtle in red took shuddered with pain as he struggled to stop himself from crying. He had thought he had hit rock bottom when he had lost Spike, but losing Donnie… This was way worse than any pain he had ever experienced before. It felt as though his entire being was being shredded at the seams.

Maybe that's because he knew damn well this was all his fault.

"How could I have been so cruel to him, Leo? What kind of brother am I?"

"You're the kind of brother who won't rest until we find him and bring him back home. And we will bring him back home." With that solemn vow, Leo rested his head against Raphael's, finally letting his own tears fall right along with his immediate younger brother's.

"I… I – I m – miss h – him." These whisper-soft words were hiccupped into Leonardo's neck as Raphael pressed himself tighter up against his big brother.

"Me, too, Raph. Me, too." Agony wrenching at his soul, Leo stared teary-eyed at the closed doors of his genius brother's lab yet again.

If they didn't find Donnie soon, they were all going to fall apart.

To be continued…

Author's Notes: I love bro hugs, but this one was so very heartbreaking. These poor kids. .·(´o`)·.

As always, if you are enjoying this story, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment. I truly love reading what everyone thinks of the chapter and your kind feedback means more to me than you'll ever know. I am super grateful to all of you. Thanks so much for reading. ;) CJ