*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.
*Author's Notes: Here's chapter 24 of 'Slash's Revenge' and it's yet another angsty one. Sorry about the long wait for this update. Real life got in the way.
I hope everyone likes the new chapter. Thanks so much to all of you for reading. ;)
CJ
Chapter 24 – The Hardest Part
The main living space of the lair suddenly felt like a hospital waiting room; the air heavy and thick with despair. Three out of the five teenagers occupying the space were slouched over on the couch with their head in their hands. The two other youths restlessly paced up and down the floors, as if trying to rut grooves in the concrete below their feet.
A very distraught-looking Michelangelo was currently sitting inches away from April, while Leonardo took root on the opposite side of the couch. The leader was pretty sure his baby brother had purposely sat as far away from him as possible because he was still upset about earlier, but Leo chose not to say anything about it. Actually, no one had spoken a word since Master Splinter had carried Donatello inside the Dojo about an hour ago.
After they had tended to the majority of Donnie's wounds, given him a strong dose of antibiotics, and even managed to remove the collar from his hideously bruised neck, Master Splinter rather bluntly announced that he was bringing Donatello to the Dojo for further treatment. No additional details followed, other than Sensei was not to be disturbed under any circumstances. Then, they had all watched on helplessly as Master Splinter cradled Donnie's frail body against his own and whisked him away. From there, the five exhausted teenagers had trudged out of the lab into the heart of the lair to simply wait for an update.
Never before had an hour dragged on for so long.
Each of them was struggling to cope with the situation. Mikey and April had taken turns at trying to comfort one another, Leo kept sighing like he was losing air, and Casey and Raph were doing laps around the room. None of them knew what else to do.
The words 'Donnie's dying' kept repeating inside their brains.
Another tormented wail emanated from the Dojo. It was the fifth one they had heard during the past few minutes and each one seemed more agonizing than the last. All eyes were once again focused on the shoji screens that kept them from seeing inside but did nothing to muffle Donatello's cries of pain.
Some of the teenagers were able to hold back their tears, but rough and tough Raphael could not. Hearing his little brother suffer was just too much.
"I don't get it! Why the heck can't we go in there?"
Though Leonardo was just as tempted to go charging inside the Dojo as his hotheaded brother, he couldn't forget his father's words...
"I need you to watch over the others and make sure they stay outside of the Dojo until I am finished."
"This is something I must do alone. The procedure requires complete concentration and I cannot afford any possible distractions."
Out of a sense of moral obligation, Leo chose to defend his father's actions rather than do something rash he might later regret.
He had to have faith in Master Splinter...
"I am asking you to trust me."
"Your brother's condition is very critical. There is a possibility that the infection may be too far along for even the mantras to save him, but I assure you I will do everything in my power to bring him back."
He had to have faith in the mantras...
If there was a chance they could save his brother, Leonardo would keep 'the others' at bay for as long as Master Splinter needed.
"Sensei told us to stay out here. We have to respect his orders." Insinuating himself between Raphael and the entrance to the Dojo, Leonardo planted his feet and folded his arms across his chest to give the false impression he was now an immovable object.
"You know a lot more about this than you're letting on, don't you?" Closing the gap between he and Leonardo to within a couple of feet, Raph assumed a hostile pose to demonstrate his disgust, despite the fact that the growl in his voice had just made it abundantly clear.
"All we need to know is that Sensei thinks this could save Donnie. He asked me to trust him and that's precisely what I'm gonna do." Leonardo's resolute gaze met Raphael's obstinate one; an ocular stalemate of sorts. Neither turtle was about to back down.
Sometimes, their stubborn pride kept the two eldest brothers from seeing they were fighting for the same thing.
"And what exactly is 'this?'"
"Sensei wasn't all that specific about it. He just said the ancient mantras may be – " Leo stopped mid-sentence when he remembered how his father had delivered the news...
"I believe these mantras may be the only way to help your brother right now."
It had felt like a sword to the gut.
Leonardo glanced over at his baby brother and saw that April was once again attempting to console him. If the leader were to quote his father word for word, it would've no doubt sent Mikey into a tizzy; possibly the others as well. For the sake of managing emotions, Leonardo chose to soften the statement a bit. "They may be the best way to help Donnie right now."
Unfortunately, softening the statement did nothing to soften Raph's mood.
"So what? We're supposed to just sit around and listen to our brother suffer?"
"I don't like it, either, Raph, but we don't have much of a choice. We've done all we can to help Donnie at this point. Now, we have to trust Sensei."
Arms dropping like lead weights at his sides, Raphael turned and sullenly made his way over to the couch in obvious defeat. He sat down across from April and Mikey; not far from where Leonardo had been previously seated. A few seconds later, the oldest turtle settled onto the couch, as well, sitting about halfway in between Raph and Mikey 's positions.
The room fell silent yet again, save for the whisper-soft chanting drifting out from the Dojo. Several more minutes passed before another heartbreaking cry from Donatello resonated throughout the lair. Mikey quietly echoed the pitiful sound and buried his face into April's shoulder.
"Donnie's gonna pull through, Mikey. I know he is." Wrapping her arms around Mikey's carapace, April pulled the youngest turtle into a fierce hug. She was doing her best to stay strong, but truth be told, she needed the embrace just as much as he did.
The way Master Splinter had looked at Donnie when he had spirited him away to the Dojo had rattled her to the core.
Splinter was scared, which absolutely terrified April. Master Splinter didn't exactly spook easily. The fact that he looked so visibly shaken told April that Donnie's condition was touch and go.
Just the thought sent her sniveling into Michelangelo's shoulder.
"You're right, April. My big bro never gives up anything or anyone." Mikey lifted his head up and there was suddenly tenacity gleaming his big, blue eyes again. "Look how hard he's been working on that cure for your dad. And how he saved you from Chrome Dome, even after you told us you never wanted to see us again. You totally dissed us and Donnie still came through."
April pulled away from Mikey and quickly lowered her gaze to the floor, clearly ashamed of the not-so-fond memory the youngest turtle had just drudged up. She remembered the night she had told the brothers off all too well...
"Don't touch me! You keep away from me! I never wanna see your faces, ever again!"
The words had held so much animosity. So much cruelty. Far more cruelty than she ever thought she was capable of, but she hadn't meant them. They had been spoken strictly out of anger and shock. If she could've taken them back, she would've done so in a heartbeat.
It certainly hadn't been her proudest moment, but she totally understood why Mikey had used it as an example.
She had done everything in her power to push Donnie away, over and over again, but he never once lost faith in her. Despite her heartlessness, he still didn't hesitate to risk his life to save her.
"It's true, Mikey. Donnie always comes through. No matter what." Softly smiling through the pain, April placed a hand on Mikey's wrist and gave his arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Her dewy eyes showed her immense appreciation for Michelangelo's much-needed optimism. How he could always manage to find the light amidst the darkness she would never know, but she was forever grateful for it.
Mikey happily returned April's smile, and though the expression didn't light up his face like it usually did, there was no denying the genuineness. "Donnie doesn't ever quit. I mean, how many of his inventions have literally blown up in his face? And yet, he never stops coming up with new and improved ones."
"Inventions?" Having only known the family for a little over two weeks, Casey was feeling a bit like an outcast at the moment. Other than Raph, Casey hadn't really interacted with the rest of the family a whole lot. He didn't know much about them, save for what April and the hotheaded ninja had told him, and Raph wasn't much of a talker. Mostly, he just liked to smash stuff, which was cool with Casey.
Mikey was about to offer up an answer to Casey's question, when Leonardo beat him to the punch. "Yeah, Donnie's always inventing stuff. Guess who created the Shellraiser."
After blinking stupidly several times, Casey's eyes widened with wonder. "Whoa! Your brother did all that?"
"Yup! And he did it using alien technology and parts he collected from the local junkyards." The eldest turtle's response verged on out-and-out bragging, like he was eager to tout his little brother's special talents. In hindsight, it was probably something Leo should have done more often. Donnie shouldn't have had to be on the brink of death for the oldest turtle to finally recognize that he had taken the genius for granted.
An exuberant reaction from Casey pulled Leo out of his guilt-ridden thoughts.
"Alien technology? That's so wicked awesome!"
Leonardo had to wonder if he had just divulged too much information. After all, the leader still had trust issues when it came to their new human friend. Casey Jones didn't exactly seem like he'd be good at keeping secrets. It was bad enough he already knew about the location of the lair, not to mention the Hamato clan's existence, but now, Leo had gone and blabbed about the Kraang.
Keeping his expression a blank slate, the oldest turtle quickly tried to downplay what he had just said. "Well, actually, we wound up losing that technology, but Donnie figured out a way to get the Shellraiser up and running again, so it was no big deal."
Little did Casey realize what Leo had just brushed off as 'no big deal' was, in all actuality, a very, very big deal. The alien technology (aka 'a Kraang power cell') they had lost nearly resulted in an alien invasion, but what Casey didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
"So what else has your brother invented?"
This time, it was Michelangelo who answered first, edging out Leonardo by a mere half-second.
"Lots and lots of neat stuff! Although not all his inventions work like they're s'posed to." Tapping his forefingers together and sinking his top teeth into his bottom lip, Mikey looked like a little kid who had just snitched on someone. Perhaps he should have kept that last part to himself. Donnie would've totally wigged out had he heard it, but much to Mikey's surprise – and delight – Leonardo took it as in invitation to start reminiscing.
"Yeah. Remember the time he tried to install an automatic ice maker in the fridge and it wound up spraying freezing cold water all over Sensei?" The eldest turtle couldn't stop a small smile from forming at the thought of his father actually playing the part of the drowned rat.
The memory made Raphael smile, as well, and he soon chimed in with a recollection of his own. "Or how 'bout the time he decided to invent his own hoverboard? Good thing the rugs in the Dojo cover up the burn marks on the floor."
A quiet snicker sounded out from Mikey just before he made his rather enthusiastic contribution. "Ooh! Ooh! Don't forget about the day he created that time machine and we all went to the future to stop the Earth's core from exploding! Ha! Good times, good times."
All of a sudden, Leo and Raph were looking at their baby brother as though he had grown a second head or something.
"What?"
"That never happened, you dork. You seriously need to stop reading so many comic books." There was a slight bark in Raphael's tone, but the usual intensity in his voice was missing, as well as the fire that normally blazed in his eyes. Though Michelangelo may not have noticed their absence, Leonardo had, but the oldest turtle said nothing. He was immersed in a battle with his own inner demons.
An embarrassed chuckle squeaked out of Mikey when it dawned on him that it was, in fact, a comic book he had been remembering and not one of Donnie's botched inventions.
Maybe Mikey's big brothers had been right all along…
What if comic books really were starting to rot his brain?
The youngest turtle found himself of two minds, torn between laughing at himself or freaking out.
Then, another sharp cry from the Dojo made Mikey realize just how totally selfish he was being. Donnie was in there, fighting for his life, and Mikey was worrying about comic books of all things.
What's wrong with me?
"You know what? Maybe instead of talking about the things that didn't go so well, we should be talking about all the amazing stuff Donnie's done for us. Like hooking us up with a TV and VCR."
"Not to mention running water and electricity," Leonardo added, feeling that these things were a bit more 'amazing' than the material examples his youngest sibling had provided.
"And let's not forget how many times he's pulled our shells out of the fire. Remember that time Fishface poisoned me? I'd be a goner if Donnie wouldn't have come up with an antidote." The memory made Raphael's face twist into a grimace, and soon, his own callous voice started mocking him inside his head...
"I don't want to hear it anymore! You're always screwing everything up, Donnie! How many times have you nearly killed us now? How many times, huh?"
What Raphael had failed to recognize that horrible night Slash had taken his brother away were the countless things that Donatello had done to save them.
"All you ever do is put everyone in danger, Donnie! You're supposed to be the smart one, but you ruin everything you touch!"
The hotheaded turtle had been so damn fixated on what had happened to Spike, he had thoughtlessly taken all his pent-up anger and grief out on the brother who had bailed them out more times than Raphael could keep track of.
Donnie didn't ruin everything he touched. Quite the contrary. He was constantly fixing things and making their lives better. And he certainly wasn't always putting everyone in danger. He did everything he could to protect them.
No, it wasn't Donnie who screwed everything up.
That distinction belonged to Raphael, and Raphael alone.
Dipping his head down in disgrace, Raph's thoughts turned back to one of the very first times his little brother had risked his life to protect him.
It had been so very long ago...
"Don't be such a baby, Donnie!" A very disgusted Hamato Raphael didn't even bother to look back at his whiny little brother as he said this. He just kept marching straight ahead, like a turtle on a mission. Then, came yet another complaint from behind him.
"But – But we're lost! How are we gonna get back home?"
"Would you stop saying that? We're not lost!" This time, Raph cast an impatient glare over his shoulder to show his frustration, but seeing the genuinely frightened look in his younger brother's big, brown eyes made the red-masked turtle soften his tone a bit. He didn't want to scare Donnie any more than he already was. Besides, Raph was starting to get a little scared himself. They had been wandering around the sewers for at least two hours now and nothing about the tunnels looked at all familiar. What if he really had managed to get them lost? Of course, he wasn't about to admit that. "I'll get us back to the lair in no time. You'll see."
"That's what you said an hour ago." Donnie's voice was somehow both timid and snide at the same time; a clear indication he was nervous about how his volatile brother would react to such a smart-alecky comment.
If the irritated look on Raph's face was any warning, Donnie's anxiety was completely warranted. The younger turtle took two steps backward, afraid his big brother was going to blow a fuse. Raph was doing that weird twitchy muscles thing he normally did when he was about to lose it.
"Hey! I never asked you to come after me!"
The snippy response made Donnie's posture sag, to the point that he suddenly appeared to be several inches shorter than just seconds before. "I – I know. But we're not supposed to go out into the sewers alone."
"I'm a big turtle! I don't need you to protect me! Heh! Not like you could."
"Wh – What do you mean?"
"I mean you can't protect anyone with that dumb twig of yours. I still can't believe Sensei actually calls that thing a weapon!" Folding his arms snugly across his plastron, Raph shifted into a stance that better reflected his anger. Anger that was currently being misdirected, but the temperamental turtle was too stubborn to see it. "You should've just stayed home, Donnie. I can take care of myself!"
A hurt expression was Donatello's initial reaction to his brother's harsh words. Then, came the quiet sound of the purple-masked turtle's hesitant voice, barely loud enough to be heard over the echo of rushing water coming from somewhere in the distance.
"But if Sensei finds out you left the lair when you're already grounded... " The sentence was left hanging, not because Donatello was too terrified to speak the consequences of getting caught, but because he wasn't even sure what those consequences would be. Up until now, none of the brothers had ever dared to defy their father after being grounded. Up until now, they had all known better than to trifle with Master Splinter when he was that mad.
Leave it to Raphael to boldly – or in this case stupidly – go where no turtle had gone before, both literally and figuratively.
"Well, we won't have to worry about that, because Sensei isn't going to find out, right?" There was no mistaking the threat behind Raph's words, but at the moment, the taller of the two turtles was more concerned about being hopelessly lost in the sewers than his grouchy brother's intimidation tactics.
"Isn't someone gonna notice we're missing and come looking for us?"
The comment made Raphael visibly flinch and his jaw dropped open in dawning realization. His know-it-all little brother was right, as usual. No doubt if someone hadn't noticed they were gone by now, it was only a matter of time before they did. Raph could only imagine how furious his father was going to be when he discovered half of his sons were missing. Especially since Raphael was already grounded for leaving the lair without permission. The memory of that truly epic lecture made the red-clad turtle flinch once again. His father's thunderous voice was still ringing in his ear slits.
"RAPHAEL!"
The hotheaded turtle had only gone out for few minutes to blow off some steam after a heated argument with his brothers, but when he arrived home, he thought for sure Master Splinter was going to crack his shell wide open. Raphael had never seen his father so ticked off before, and as the most rebellious of the four brothers, the second oldest turtle had seen his father ticked off plenty of times. Sensei had laid into Raph something fierce that day and wound up grounding the hotheaded turtle for a month, which included no skateboarding, no TV, no games, no music, and most importantly, no leaving the lair under any circumstances.
Master Splinter had very strict rules when it came to his young sons venturing outside of the lair. Well, to be more precise, he only had two rules, and those rules were: 1) no one was allowed to leave the lair without his permission, and 2) no one could ever leave the lair on their own. They were both pretty simple, straightforward rules that even Mikey could understand, but still, Raph had failed to follow them not once, but twice in the last forty-eight hours.
That's when realization hit Raphael like a ton of bricks. There was no doubt in his mind that he wasn't going to live long enough to see his eighth hatchday. His father was going to kill him.
Eyes widening with horror, the temperamental turtle frantically turned to his genius brother for answers. The same genius brother Raph had just ripped on. "What am I gonna say when Sensei finds out, Donnie?"
The mortified expression that rapidly spread across Donatello's face made Raphael's stomach bottom out.
It was painfully obvious that Donnie was looking over Raph rather than at him, and since the second youngest turtle was the tallest of the siblings, the hothead had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly who his genius brother was staring at. Poor Raphael didn't even get a chance to say, 'He's standing right behind me,' before an eerily calm voice sounded out.
"Yes. What are you going to say when I find out?"
Spinning on his heels, Raph found himself gazing up at the giant rodent towering over him.
"S – Sensei! I can explain!" It hadn't been the first time those exact words had been uttered by the turtle in red this past week, but something told Raphael his lack of originality had nothing to do with why his father was now glaring at him.
"YAME!"
The Japanese utterance bounced off the sewer tunnel walls and Raph could've sworn he felt the earth shake beneath his feet.
Yup. No doubt about it. Hamato Raphael was toast.
"There is no excuse for your irresponsible behavior! You left the lair without permission when you were already grounded for the very same thing! You dared to disobey me and blatantly disregarded your punishment! And in doing so, you put your brother in danger! I have no choice but to – "
"A – Actually, I was the one who left the lair, Sensei." The small, reluctant admission had two sets of eyes staring at Donatello in disbelief. The genius turtle swallowed thickly, uneasy with being the sudden center of attention, but he did his best to mask that anxiety. He couldn't let his father see even a hint of weakness if he had any prayer at selling what he was about to say.
"I needed some more wire for a project I was working on and I thought I remembered seeing some in the south tunnel the last time we went out, so I was just gonna grab it and come straight home. Raphie saw me leave, and even though he was grounded, he decided to follow me to make sure I was safe. Then, we wound up getting turned around and we couldn't find our way back."
A skeptical squint from his father made Donatello's poise nearly falter, but seeing Raphael's half-shocked, half-guilty expression restored the smartest turtle's confidence, tenfold. His older brother had said he couldn't protect anyone. Well, Donatello was about to show Raph just how wrong he was. The tallest turtle was going to protect his brother, and he didn't even need to use his 'dumb twig' or lift a single finger to do it. All he truly needed was his clever brain and a pair of big, puppy dog eyes.
Peering up at his father, Donatello proceeded to give the performance of a lifetime. "I'm sorry, Sensei. I know we're not supposed to leave the lair without asking first, but you were in the middle of meditating and I didn't want to bother you. I honestly thought it would only take a couple minutes and no one would even notice I was gone, but I was obviously wrong. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have left, but I just wanted to get the TV working again so everyone could watch their shows. It was wrong of me to leave. Please don't blame Raph for this. He was only trying to protect me. It wasn't his fault; it was totally mine. If you're gonna punish someone, punish me."
Master Splinter stroked his beard in deep contemplation for several long-drawn-out moments, methodically processing the information his intellectual son had just presented. All the while, he continued to study Donatello's face, watchful for any signs deceit. When none appeared, the father finally spoke again.
"Though it is evident that your intentions were good, my son, you have been made well aware of the rules about leaving the lair. While I appreciate your sincerity and thoughtfulness, I cannot overlook your transgressions. You are grounded for two weeks."
Bowing his head in respect, Donatello breathed out the words, "Hai, Sensei."
Raphael, however, raised his head up high and his eyes practically popped out of their sockets.
"Two weeks?! That's it?"
"Is there something you would like to contribute to this conversation, Raphael?" The implied threat in Master Splinter's tone sent a shiver slithering up and down Raph's spine and he was soon vigorously shaking his head from side to side.
"No. No, I think two weeks will be just fine."
Master Splinter's brow furrowed, as though he was not entirely convinced of his older son's innocence in the matter at hand, but he started to head towards the lair without further comment.
There were so many things that Raphael should've said to Donnie at that particular moment. Things he couldn't bring himself to say because their father was still within earshot. Raphael instead slowly turned towards his younger brother; a dejected frown now imprinting deep lines into the hotheaded turtle's face. A stark contrast to the resentful scowl he had worn the better part of the past two hours.
In Donatello's eyes there was unmistakable sadness mingled with something else Raphael couldn't recognize. Almost as though he was suddenly looking at a complete stranger hidden inside his brother's skin. Raph's pointed lips parted to speak, but before he could even form the words, the genius turtle had already silently sidestepped around him to follow their father.
Raph was left to choke on the apology that would never be heard.
Years later, Raphael still didn't understand why Donatello had protected him that day. Why would the supposedly genius turtle willingly take the blame for something Raph had done after the way his red-masked brother had treated him?
"Don't be such a baby, Donnie!"
"I don't need you to protect me! Heh! Not like you could."
"I mean you can't protect anyone with that dumb twig of yours. I still can't believe Sensei actually calls that thing a weapon!"
"You should've just stayed home, Donnie. I can take care of myself!"
But perhaps the question Raphael should have been asking himself was how could he continue to treat his brother like that after what Donnie had done for him that day?
Was Raphael incapable of learning anything from his past mistakes? Because he just kept right on hurting his brother...
"You're always sorry! I've had it up to here with your excuses, Donnie! What? It wasn't enough that you almost killed Spike? Now, you almost killed all of us with another one of your crazy experiments!"
"I don't want to hear it anymore! You're always screwing everything up, Donnie! How many times have you nearly killed us now? How many times, huh?"
"All you ever do is put everyone in danger, Donnie! You're supposed to be the smart one, but you ruin everything you touch! You're the reason Spike's gone! I lost my best friend because of you! It was all your fault! If you weren't such a walking disaster, he'd still be here!"
"Let him go. Maybe he'll actually stop and think about what he's done for once. He'll be back in time for patrol."
"What I did was tell the truth! Donnie had it coming, so don't start with me, Leo! And I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you make me out to be the bad guy!"
But Raph was the bad guy.
For as long as he could remember, he had verbally abused his brainiac brother. Actually, he had abused all his brothers, over and over again.
Always threatening them.
Always insulting them.
Always hurting them.
He was the worst brother ever.
Raphael was about to apologize for everything he had ever done to them when he saw his father trudge outside of the Dojo, barely able to stand on his feet.
The look on Master Splinter's face stabbed a sense of dread straight through all their hearts, but no one felt the pain penetrate as deeply as Raphael had.
He couldn't help but to think he had killed his own brother.
Slash may have been the one who had physically hurt Donatello, but Raphael was the one who had ultimately delivered the fatal blow. And for that, he would never ever be able to forgive himself.
And neither would they...
To be continued…
*More Author's Notes: OMG! What a dramatic ending. I will try not to keep you waiting too long for the next chapter.
As always, please take a few moments to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on this story if you want me to continue with it. It means so much to me and I really want to know if everyone's still with me.
Thank you very, very much for reading my story. I'm so grateful to all of you. Take care.
CJ