*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter 25 of 'Slash's Revenge' and this one is rather emotional. I got pretty choked up during my editing.

I want to thank every one of you for your continued support. I appreciate your kindness so much. Thank you for being so incredibly awesome. I adore you all! I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you like the new chapter. Thank you for reading, my friends.

CJ

Chapter 25 – Far From Okay

"How is he, Sensei?"

All eyes were fixed on Master Splinter as he approached the five teenagers anxiously awaiting his response to Leonardo's question. They had all wanted to ask the same thing, but the oldest turtle had managed to gasp it out first.

"Donatello's leg wound was badly infected, but I do not believe the bacteria entered the bloodstream or caused damage to his internal organs. The healing mantras should help him to fight off the infection, but we will need to closely monitor his condition and watch for any signs of blood poisoning."

"So... does that mean he's gonna be okay?" Hands pushed together as though in prayer, Mikey peered up at his father with a hopeful yet frightened expression. If Sensei answered 'no,' Michelangelo was quite certain he would collapse into a puddle of tears on the floor and cease to exist.

"Your brother is very ill and will most likely be incapacitated for some time, Michelangelo, but with proper care and treatment, he should make a full recovery."

An elated sob erupted out of Mikey and he threw his arms around April, who seemed just as thrilled as he was. They weren't the only ones. Even Raphael had a huge grin on his face.

Then, came the dreaded, "However... "

With that single word, all celebration stopped cold and what little color had returned to their faces just moments before immediately drained away. They turned to see that Master Splinter's expression was now unnervingly somber.

Past experiences told them that their sensei didn't generally use 'however' before delivering good news. It was one of those terms that instantly struck fear into the hearts of all four brothers.

"I must caution you that Donatello's spirit has been deeply hurt by his ordeal. There are many wounds that lie well beneath the surface. Ones we cannot see, nor can we heal with the aid of medicine or mantras. These wounds will be much more difficult to mend. Do you understand what I am saying, my sons?"

"Yeah. You're saying all that awful stuff Slash said to D made him super sad."

A long pause followed Michelangelo's response. Something that did not go undetected by the two eldest turtles. When their father spoke again, his tone sounded off. Much more distant than just seconds before, as though he was distracted by his own thoughts.

"I am afraid your brother's mental wounds extend far beyond what was said to him."

Seeing his father deliberately break eye contact with Mikey sent Raph's mind reeling with questions. Questions he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answers to.

"What are you trying to tell us, Sensei?" There was a dangerous edge to Raphael's voice that warned he was nearing his snapping point. The whites of his eyes glowed with unmistakable rage.

Worried that his temperamental son had jumped to a grievously wrong conclusion, Splinter was quick to clarify his meaning. "Your brother was treated inhumanely for ten days, Raphael. He was clearly deprived of proper nutrition and rest, kept inside a cage, forced to wear a collar and muzzle, and severely beaten. There will be lasting effects to his psyche."

Somehow, hearing his father describe what had been done to Donnie made the whole thing even harder for Raphael to stomach. He couldn't help but to think back to what Slash had said...

"He's safe in his cage, where he belongs. Don't worry. I've been taking real good care of him. Me and Donnie boy spent so much quality time together, you probably won't even recognize him anymore."

"I got him so trained now, he doesn't even bother to fight back. He just lays there while I beat him into the ground, over and over and over – "

Donatello had been treated like nothing more than an animal. And as if that wasn't bad enough, he had been led to believe his family didn't care about him...

"I made sure to set old Donnie boy straight on how none of you cared enough about him to even bother looking for him. The devastated look on his face was priceless."

"He's never gonna be the same after what I did to him."

The hollow and broken expression Donatello bore when Raph had finally found him was proof of the emotional abuse he had suffered while in Slash's clutches.

Raphael had never seen his brother's brilliant eyes look so vacant and dull...

"Y – You – you left m – me for dead!"

"You – You all just left me!"

It was almost like Donnie didn't want to be found. Not by his family; not by anyone.

That scared Raph more than he was willing to admit.

"I wanna see him."

"You may, but your brother is still unconscious at this point. I suspect it is from a combination of his injuries, exhaustion, fever, blood loss, and the infection. I think it would be best to carry him to his room where he would be more comfortable."

"No problem, Sensei. I got – "

Master Splinter raised a paw to wave off the remainder of his second oldest son's sentence.

"Raphael, I would like to speak with you for a moment."

"But I wanna – "

Once again, Raphael was waved off before he could finish and he had to bite back a snort of disgust. He was guessing since his father wanted to speak with him separately, he was already on Splinter's bad side. Raph may have been a reckless hothead, but he still had enough sense not to do anything that might further tick his father off.

"I am quite certain Leonardo, Michelangelo, April and Casey are more than willing to get Donatello settled into his bed while you and I have a word. Am I correct in my assumption?"

Two very enthusiastic thumbs were held up in front of Master Splinter, indicating he had Michelangelo's full support.

"We're on it, Sensei!" No sooner had Mikey spoken these words when he was already rushing inside the Dojo, eager to get to his wounded brother. Casey was next to enter, followed by Leonardo and April, who kept casting nervous glances over their shoulders as they left Raphael to his fate.

Knowing the others would soon be coming out of the Dojo in order to bring Donatello to his room, Master Splinter walked towards the kitchen, confident Raphael would follow without protest. And that he did.

Once inside the kitchen, the temperamental turtle sunk down onto one of the barstools to await his imminent shell chewing. As far as he was concerned, it was long overdue.

Master Splinter stood adjacent from Raphael, paws clasped behind his back and whiskers pointed down towards the floor.

With his head hung down low, Raphael failed to notice his father's troubled expression.

"You said that Donatello was conscious when you found him."

Shocked by the absence of sternness in his father's voice, Raph's heavy gaze lifted to meet Splinter's. There was no anger to be seen on the rat's face. Only concern.

"Yeah. H – He was wandering around on the rooftop."

"And what can you tell me about his mental state during this time?"

Though he was a bit confused by his father's line of questioning, Raphael just went along with it, figuring it was far better than the lecture he had thought he was in for.

"He was – He was really out of it, like I already told you. I don't think he realized it was actually me."

"What exactly did he say to you?"

Raphael thought back to the conversation he and Donnie had shared just before the genius turtle had nearly fallen to his death. At first, Raph had assumed Donnie was just lashing out about what had happened between the two of them the night of his abduction...

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"Donnie?"

"I told you to leave me alone! Haven't you already done enough?"

But as the conversation wore on, it became increasingly obvious that Donnie wasn't thinking clearly...

"It's okay, Donnie. Just take it easy. I'm not gonna hurt ya."

"No! You're just up here... to tell me how useless I am, again! I – I don't want to hear it! Just get lost!"

"I'm not goin' anywhere, little brother."

"Back! OFF!"

"All right."

"Please... just leave me alone."

"It's me, Donnie. Raph. I'm right here."

"No! You're – You're not real! You're NOT!"

Then, came the part of the conversation that had ripped Raphael's heart into shreds...

"I swear to you I'm real, Donnie. You're safe now. I won't let him hurt you again."

"Yeah, right! You s – said that before and you – y – you let him hurt me! You never came for me, Raph! You! Never! Came!"

"I know. And I'm sorry. But I'm here now."

"No. No! You aren't m – my brother! I know you're n – not, because m – my brother... My brother doesn't – he doesn't care about me!"

"Donnie... that isn't true."

"Y – You – you left m – me for dead!"

"No, Donnie. I know it might seem like that, but we never stopped looking. We just – We didn't know where or how to find you."

"You – You all just left me!"

Tears once again started to sting the red-masked turtle's eyes; a sensation he had grown all too familiar with these past few weeks. But Raphael blinked away the telltale signs of weakness before finally offering up his response to Master Splinter's inquiry.

"He kept saying I wasn't real, and every time I tried to get anywhere near him, he'd freak out and tell me to stay away or leave him alone. He said that I didn't care about him and that we all just left him. I told him none of that stuff was true, but I couldn't get him to listen to me."

"I see." Though it was evident that Master Splinter was doing his best to maintain his calm outward appearance, Raphael could see the slight tremor of his father's paws as he began to pace around the room. Try as he may, the Ninjutsu master couldn't completely hide the fact that something was disturbing him, which created an even greater sense of unease inside of Raphael.

"Why do you wanna know what Donnie said? Does it have anything to do with what you were doing in Dojo?"

Master Splinter gently nodded his head and the brief silence that followed gave him a much-needed moment to steady himself. "When I was performing the ancient healing techniques, your brother kept repeating the words 'not worth saving.' I was curious to know if he had said something similar to you."

Had Raphael been thinking clearer, the first thing he would've probably latched onto were the words 'not worth saving,' but his attention was instead grabbed by the fact that his brother had spoken.

"So, Donnie was awake?" There was no mistaking the sudden relief in Raphael's tone, as though a huge weight had just been lifted off his chest.

But that weight was about to come crashing right back down upon him.

"No. I am afraid not. His fever was making him delirious, causing him to talk in his sleep. As far as I can tell, your brother has yet to regain consciousness. I am sorry if you misunderstood my meaning and I gave you false hope, Raphael. It was never my intent."

"You don't need to apologize, Sensei. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm the one who should be apologizing. Everyone knows this is all my fault." Remorse had never been something Raphael typically suffered from, but ever since Donatello's attack and subsequent capture, the feeling seemed to be the hotheaded turtle's constant companion. Like a dark cloud perpetually swathed around him.

The unusual change in Raphael's behavior as of late was understandable considering the deplorable circumstances, but Master Splinter was finding it increasingly difficult to overlook his temperamental son's conduct. Especially now that Donatello had finally been returned to them. "My concern does not lie with who is to blame for this. My concern lies strictly with Donatello, as should yours."

Peering up at his father through eyes that seemed to be growing wider by the second, Raph spoke with a faint quiver in his voice. "But I thought you said Donnie was gonna be okay."

"Again, you have misunderstood my meaning, Raphael. Your brother is far from 'okay.'" Master Splinter paused to swallow down the trace of anger he had detected in his tone. "Yes, his life is no longer in any immediate danger, but there are wounds that still threaten to take him from us. If you spoke the truth about what happened in Donatello's laboratory the night he was captured, then your brother left this lair feeling as though he was worthless. Now, Slash has led him to believe that same thing.

"We may have rescued Donatello from the physical abuse, but we have yet to rescue him from the psychological abuse he has been put through. I fear your brother is in a very dark place right now." The way Master Splinter suddenly leaned his weight into the kitchen island, as if he needed the additional support just to keep himself upright, struck fear into Raphael's heart.

Was his father just plain exhausted or was it something more?

"Did Donnie say anything else in his sleep to make you think that?"

Master Splinter knew he had to choose his next response carefully. While the paternal side of him wanted to protect Raphael from any further harm, the sagacious side of him kept telling him that his temperamental son needed to learn that actions have consequences.

"It was not so much what he said, but rather, what he felt. Even though Donatello was unconscious, I could sense his pain and suffering. Your words from that night still continue to haunt him."

His father's comments weren't all that surprising, but they still sent a shudder through Raphael. Almost as if his reflexes comprehended the words before his brain could. But the initial shock soon wore off to make room for his trademark stubbornness.

"Then, I'm just gonna have to work extra hard to convince Donnie how sorry I am."

A small, weary groan escaped Master Splinter's defenses, inadvertently revealing his frustration.

"A simple apology will not mend what has been broken, Raphael. Too much damage has been done. Donatello's faith has been badly shaken. He was brutally tortured and led to believe that he is not worth saving by not just Slash, but by his own family, as well. Do you now see the devastating consequences of your actions?"

Perhaps it was the excessive fatigue or grief speaking. Whatever the case, Master Splinter had not planned on sounding quite so harsh. In reality, he had been doing his best to avoid adding to Raphael's already guilty conscience for nearly two weeks now, but even a grand master of Ninjutsu had his limits.

Hearing his extraordinarily gifted and intellectual son call himself worthless…

A father can only take so much.

Just as Master Splinter was about to apologize for his candor, a meek voice cut through the tension hanging over the kitchen. If Splinter hadn't actually seen his second oldest son's lips moving, he would've never recognized the fragile voice as belonging to Raphael.

"So how do I fix this?"

Green eyes sought out answers Master Splinter wished he could provide. The quick and easy 'fix' Raphael was desperately searching for did not exist. In fact, there would be nothing quick and easy about earning Donatello's trust back. As Master Splinter had already aptly pointed out…

"Too much damage has been done."

"That is something you will need to discover on your own."

Rubbing the back of his head nervously, Raph's mouth coiled into a lopsided grimace to demonstrate his discomfort.

"Do you really think that's a good idea? I mean, look how bad I already messed things up."

"I assure you, you will not be alone in your efforts, my son. After everything that has transpired, I anticipate that we will all have to regain Donatello's trust." An air of sadness dampened Master Splinter's tone, making his voice dip lower than usual. He then gently rested a paw on the smooth surface of the island he continued to lean on, as if to steady himself or perhaps hide the fact that he was shaking.

With the obvious exception of Donatello, the family had been awake for nearly two days straight now. Every last bit of energy sapped dry, Master Splinter felt as though he was on the verge of collapse, but he could not rest. Not when his intellectual son had just been returned to them.

"Perhaps we should rejoin the others. I wish to be present when your brother wakes up."

"I, uh… I don't think I should, Sensei." Raphael shifted his gaze down to the floor in an obvious attempt to avoid eye contact. In doing so, the hotheaded turtle failed to see his father's expression soften with sympathy. Master Splinter outstretched a paw and cupped it over the top of Raphael's clenched fist. The unexpected physical contact made the turtle's every muscle go rigid, but after only a few moments, the tension began to taper off. Raphael slowly unfurled his fist underneath his father's palm.

"I know you feel as though you are accountable for everything that has come to pass, my son, but you must not let this darkness growing inside you take hold. Despite what has happened, your brother needs you, Raphael. In time, he will come to forgive you."

"But what about the others? I mean, you heard how angry Leo was up on that roof. And Mikey already told me he didn't know if he could ever forgive me."

It pained Master Splinter to hear how defeated his most obstinate son sounded. Almost as though Raphael had already given up any hope of absolution.

"Your brothers are hurting right now. You, of all mutants, should know that people say and do things they do not mean when they are distraught." The slight hint of sarcasm seeping into Splinter's voice caused Raphael to lift his head up once again. That was when he saw the warmth flickering in his father's eyes.

"I guess that's kind of the story of my life, huh?" A short, humorless laugh followed the question.

"Only if you choose to make it so, my son. You must remember that, in this life, we are all responsible for writing our own story. This is but a chapter in yours. It is ultimately up to you to decide which way your tale will go from here."

Crinkling up his beak in confusion, Raphael attempted to pick apart the language. His father oftentimes spoke in complicated phrases or idioms that Mikey had come to refer to as 'Splinterisms.' Why Sensei couldn't just come right out and say, 'Yeah, you screwed up, big time, shell for brains,' Raphael would never know. It must have been an 'old school' thing.

Still, the hotheaded turtle was pretty sure he had managed to get his father's drift. It was just a fancy way of saying that Raph needed to learn from his mistakes so they didn't happen again.

"So, you really think they'll forgive me?"

"The road that lies before you will be a most difficult one, but yes, I believe they will. However, you must also find a way to forgive yourself or you will never be able to truly let go of the past."

On that note, Master Splinter turned and exited the kitchen, as if to leave Raphael to ponder his last line.

Burying his face into his hands, Raph let out a lengthy sigh that sounded as though all the air had just expelled from his lungs.

His father's words had clearly not been meant to make Raphael feel worse than he already did, but that they had.

How could Raph possibly let go of the past when every time he looked at his little brother, he would forever be reminded of what he had done?

There was no way Raph could forgive himself.

Not now; not ever.

To be continued…

*More Author's Notes: Poor, poor Raph. I'm not sure how much more he can take. My heart hurts for him.

Speaking of my heart hurting… I ache for the world right now. During these difficult times, I pray that you and your loved ones are all safe and sound. Please take a moment to let me know if you are okay. I'm so worried about my online family.

Stay safe and healthy, everyone. You will all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you so much for reading.

CJ