*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Notes: I'm finally back with another chapter of 'Slash's Revenge' and this one is once again a bit of a roller coaster ride. There's a little humor, a few bro-ments, a touch of drama, and a whole lot of angst.

Thank you so much to all of you for reading my story. I'm so thrilled to have so many of you still with me on this journey. You are all amazing and I'm so incredibly grateful for each and every one of you. *virtual hugs*

Fingers crossed that you like the chapter. Please let me know.

CJ

Chapter 38 – Strike One

Punch after punch landed square in the chest of the practice dummy, causing it to sway back and forth with each violent impact. It was a wonder the hapless inanimate object had held up to the vicious beating it was receiving.

Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

Totally caught up in his pummeling, Raph had long lost track of the time. He guessed from the pain and the blood-stained wraps around his hands, it had been a while, but he didn't care. He just kept right on pounding the shell out of the dummy.

Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!

A couple rounds later, Raph finally saw the lab doors slide open and out walked Leonardo. It was the moment the temperamental turtle had been waiting for. He ceased his clobbering and headed towards the pit of the lair, anxious for an update from his older brother.

Seemingly oblivious to the red-masked turtle's presence, Leonardo plopped down on the couch and grabbed the television remote, intent on getting his 'Space Heroes' fix. It had been over two weeks since he had watched his favorite show, and now that things were finally starting to settle down a bit, it seemed like a good time to get lost in space.

Raphael, on the other hand, had no intention of watching the cheesy sci-fi series. Never one to be considerate, the hotheaded ninja sat down next to Leo and immediately interrupted the older turtle's plans to binge watch the whole first season.

"How's he doing?"

"Fine." Leo made no attempt to hide the irritation in his voice as he stared at the television set, as if still trying to pretend he didn't see his brother. "Mikey's keeping him entertained."

Despite the fact that Leo was making it obvious he didn't want to talk, Raph continued to bombard the older turtle with questions. "Did he eat anything?"

"A little bit. Not as much as I'd hoped, but at least it was something." Thinking the conversation was over, Leo sunk his forefinger into the volume button on the remote controller and cranked it up, but it only encouraged Raphael to ask his questions that much louder.

"How about his leg? Did it look any better?"

"It looked about the same as yesterday, I guess."

"Did you put that antibacterial cream on it?"

"Yes!" Patience wearing thin, Leonardo rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. Enough was enough. "Raph, you can't keep avoiding him forever!"

Raphael shrunk back as though shocked by the accusation. He then folded his arms across his plastron and gave Leo one of his trademark scowls.

"I'm not avoiding him. I'm just keeping my distance for a while."

Once again, Leonardo rolled his eyes, only this time he accompanied the gesture with a facepalm.

"Uh, yeah, that would be avoiding him. Just go in there and talk to him already!"

Of course, Leonardo made it sound as if talking to Donnie would be easy, when Raphael knew it would be anything but. Hence, the reason he had been 'avoiding' it all this time.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Hanging his head down in defeat, Raph's scowl transformed into a frown that much better suited his mood as of late. He was sick and tired of feeling sorry for himself, but at the same time, he was too terrified to face his genius brother. Maybe that was because he was sure Donnie would never forgive him.

As if reading Raphael's mind, Leo responded, "You'll never know unless you try."

A brief moment of silence followed while Raph struggled to find the right thing to say.

There were no words to properly convey the guilt he was feeling inside.

No words to convey just how sorry he was for what he had done…

"I hurt him real bad, Leo." To hide his shame, Raphael hunched forward and cupped his hands over his face.

Sensing his brother's pain, Leo placed a hand on the upper rim of Raphael's shell and gave it a soothing pat. "Yes, you did. But maybe your ignoring him is hurting him, too. Is that what you want?"

This question caused Raphael to pull his hands away from his face so he could look Leo in the eyes as he spoke. "No. Of course not. But what am I supposed to do? I can't go waltzing in there like nothing happened."

"Then go waltzing in there like something happened."

Again, Leonardo made it sound so easy when it wasn't. Raph knew his older brother was only trying to help, but the blue-clad leader had no clue what the hotheaded turtle was feeling inside.

"I can't, Leo."

"Well, you're just gonna have to suck it up and go in there, Raph, or we're never gonna be whole again."

Raphael was about to protest when he thought better of it; the words 'whole again' weighing heavily on his heart. His family was broken because of what he had done and the only one who could put the pieces back together again was him. He had to make things right again with Donnie, for everyone's sake.

Raph remembered what his father had said to him the night they had brought Donatello back home…

"Despite what has happened, your brother needs you, Raphael. In time, he will come to forgive you."

"However, you must also find a way to forgive yourself or you will never be able to truly let go of the past."

The memory made the red-masked turtle breathe out a sigh of discontent. Forgiving himself seemed like an even bigger impossibility than getting Donnie to forgive him, but if that's what his family needed him to do, then he'd be shelled if he wasn't going to try.

After all this time, it felt good to get a bit of his old grit and determination back again. Damn good.

A small smirk twisted across Raphael's lips as he stared back at his older brother. There was a confident twinkle in the hotheaded turtle's emerald-green eyes that had been missing for far too long now. Then came his mocking voice. "You know, you're starting to sound more and more like Splinter, right?"

Realizing that he had finally gotten through to his stubborn brother, Leo returned Raph's smirk, wide and proud. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You're a total dork. How's that for a compliment?" Both brothers laughed at this, but only for a fleeting moment. The seriousness of the situation soon dampened their spirits once again.

Raphael shifted his gaze to the laboratory doors and his heart sunk like a lead balloon. He couldn't help but to remember what had happened the last time he had stepped foot inside that lab with Donatello.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…

The sight of his genius brother plugging away at his mouse and keyboard made Mikey want to break out into song and dance. It had been a week since they had brought Donatello home and this was the first time the genius turtle had ventured inside his beloved laboratory. To Mikey, this was the first time in over two weeks that things had really felt like normal. He was loving this.

Pulling up a chair, Mikey sat down beside his big brother and just stared at him with a huge grin plastered on his face. Completely caught up in his work, Donnie didn't even seem to notice his baby brother's ogling. At least, not until Mikey edged so close, there were mere inches separating the two of them.

"Uh, can I help you with something, Mikey?"

"Nope! I'm just hanging out. Whatcha working on?"

"I'm trying to clean up all my junkmail. You'd be surprised how many of them can pile up."

"I guess I should've been checking them while you were gone, huh?"

The words 'while you were gone' sent a shiver up and down Donatello's spine. Even though a week had passed, it still felt like it was only yesterday he had been with that horrible monster…

"It's been ten days, Donnie boy. Your brothers probably think you're dead by now and stopped looking. Whatta ya say we give 'em a little something just to let 'em know you're still kicking? You know? Proof of life. How about we send 'em a tooth or two? You've already got that stupid-looking gap. What'll a couple of missing teeth matter? Or maybe we should send 'em a severed toe. Better yet, how about a finger?"

"…"

"So, which one will it be, Donatello? I'll let you pick."

"N – No! Please don't do this! P – Please!"

"Fine, if you aren't gonna choose, then I'll just have to do it for you. I say we go with the middle one. The one you used to click your little computer mouse with all the time."

Donatello gaped down at his still-bandaged hand cradling his mouse and what little breakfast he had eaten felt like it was going to come back up on him.

Memories of that ghastly night still continued to haunt him.

The pain…

The blood…

The horror…

"If you don't stop your squirming, you're gonna lose a lot more than just a finger!"

"S – Stop! Stop! Please! Spike! I know you're still in there! P – Please! Don't let him do this!"

"SHUT UP! Spike isn't here anymore!"

Just as Donatello felt the onset of another panic attack coming on, Mikey's concerned voice cut through the building tension. "Are you all right, bro? You look a little pale."

Drawing in several deep, cleansing breaths, Donatello managed to calm himself down enough so he could pretend what had just about happened hadn't just about happened. "I'm fine."

Mikey raised an eye ridge suspiciously, not sure if he believed his brother was in fact 'fine.' Granted, Donnie was light years better than he had been just a few days before, but his demeanor suddenly seemed off.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" It never failed. Everyone was constantly offering to get the genius turtle something, be it food, pain killers, or even a pillow to prop his leg up on, but this offer didn't sound quite as sincere as the previous ones. Mikey's tone didn't sound right. Almost like he knew his brother was lying through his teeth. Still, Donnie kept up his 'I'm fine' charade.

"No. I'm good."

Mikey opened his mouth to question the statement, but the sound of the lab doors being opened interrupted him.

In walked Raphael on slow, unsteady feet. His usual swagger was nowhere to be seen as he approached his two younger brothers. The hotheaded turtle couldn't help but notice the nearer he got to the Donatello's desk, the lower the genius turtle's gaze got.

Mikey was quick to push his chair even closer to Donnie, as though attempting to block his wounded brother from view.

His little brothers' reactions certainly didn't make Raph feel like he was welcome. That much was for sure.

"What's up, Raph?" There was an uncharacteristic lack of pleasantry in Mikey's voice. He didn't sound angry or defensive, but rather, deeply concerned. It was obvious the youngest turtle was trying to protect his genius brother from getting hurt again.

Raphael couldn't blame Mikey…

"I just wanted to check on you guys."

A puzzled expression was Mikey's only response to Raph's comment and an uncomfortable silence fell over the lab for a good twenty seconds or so, until the temperamental turtle finally decided to speak again.

"What? Am I not allowed to see how my little brothers are doing?"

The words sounded so corny coming from Raph that Mikey just had to laugh, but no one reciprocated, making the moment even more awkward than it already was.

"Wait… You're being serious?"

Patience growing thin, Raph decided to cut to the chase.

"Mikey, would you mind giving Donnie and I a few minutes?"

"Sure. What do you wanna talk about?"

"Not with you, knucklehead. I meant I wanted to talk with Donnie, alone."

The heavy emphasis placed on 'alone' made the two youngest turtles flinch. Raphael noticed this and quickly softened his tone.

"Please, Mikey."

Michelangelo was now torn between two turtles. His hotheaded brother clearly wanted him to leave the room while his genius brother clearly did not. Donnie's wide eyes were peering up at Mikey, practically begging him to stay.

How could Mikey just up and abandon poor Donnie?

On the other hand, how could he just ignore Raph's earnest request?

How could he favor one brother over the other?

It was an impossible choice. Mikey didn't know what to do. Fortunately, he didn't have to decide, because Leo poked his head inside the lab and saved the youngest turtle's shell.

"Mikey, I think Sensei needs your help in the kitchen."

The oldest turtle's timing was too impeccable. Almost as if it was staged, but Mikey wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Not that he knew what the heck that saying actually meant…

He was just thrilled for the excuse to leave and let Leo deal with the situation. Little did Mikey know, his oldest brother was, in fact, in cahoots with Raphael. With Mikey now out of the picture, Leo gave the red-masked warrior a reassuring nod and left the two middle turtles to 'talk.'

The problem was, Raph soon realized he had no idea what he was going to talk about now that he was finally alone with his wounded brother. He guessed he hadn't really thought that far ahead. He had been much too fixated on just getting up the nerve to go inside the lab.

Another uncomfortable silence fell over the room as Raph searched for the right words to say. Donnie took this opportunity to start working at his computer once again. Anything to avoid eye contact with his older brother.

Raph was half-tempted to turn around and run, but he couldn't help but to think back to what Leonardo had said to him to convince him to go along with this not-so great idea…

"Well, you're just gonna have to suck it up and go in there, Raph, or we're never gonna be whole again."

Never gonna be whole again…

The ugly truth that the family wasn't whole because of what he had done cut deep, but Raphael was grateful his big brother hadn't sugarcoated things like the others usually did. What Leo had said provided Raph the extra incentive needed to stand his ground and fix what he had broken.

"So, how are you feeling?" Raph knew as soon as the words passed his lips, he had made a rocky start. Donnie would never buy the Mr. Nice Guy act. Small talk just wasn't Raph's style.

Without taking his eyes off his computer screen, Donnie muttered out the words, "I'm good."

The response was mechanical, lacking any kind of warmth or feeling. It also lacked any kind of truth. One look at the miserable expression on Donnie's bruised face told Raph that his younger brother was anything but 'good.'

Still, Raphael opted not to call his brother's bluff, instead continuing to pour on the phony charm, extra thick and heavy like Mikey dousing a stack of pancakes in maple syrup. "Can I get you anything? Maybe something to eat or drink?"

A slight shake of the head told Raph that Donnie's answer was 'no.' Once again Raphael found himself at a complete loss for words. He leaned wearily against the worktable beside Donatello's desk and glanced down at the marred surface below his fingertips. For the life of him, Raph couldn't recall if the tabletop had bore those marks before the incident in Donatello's lab. Up until this point, the hotheaded turtle had never paid all that much attention to the furniture in his brother's workspace. Now, he couldn't take his eyes off of it.

Raph could still remember that night so vividly in his mind, like the explosion in Donnie's lab had just happened mere seconds ago…

"Guys… I'm really sorry. I had no idea the chemical was going to react like that. I – I'm so sorry."

"You're always sorry! I've had it up to here with your excuses, Donnie! What? It wasn't enough that you almost killed Spike? Now, you almost killed all of us with another one of your crazy experiments!"

"Raph… I – I didn't mean to – "

"I don't want to hear it anymore! You're always screwing everything up, Donnie! How many times have you nearly killed us now? How many times, huh?"

"Raph, please… "

"Raph, that's enough!"

"No! It's not enough! All you ever do is put everyone in danger, Donnie! You're supposed to be the smart one, but you ruin everything you touch! You're the reason Spike's gone! I lost my best friend because of you! It was all your fault! If you weren't such a walking disaster, he'd still be here!"

With the words still echoing inside his brain, Raph shifted his gaze to Donnie only to see his little brother staring back at him with a now mortified expression across his face. Apparently, Raph wasn't the only one thinking back to that night. The sight of his red-masked brother standing beside the table where it had all started was more than Donatello could bear.

Pushing himself up out of his seat, the wounded turtle suddenly seemed shell-bent on making a hasty exit. He was already limping towards the lab doors when he managed to stammer out, "I – I'm not feeling very well. I think I – I should go lie down."

"Donnie, wait!" Before Raph had a chance really think things through, he had grabbed Donatello by the back of the arm.

Epic mistake.

The reaction was instantaneous. Something between a shriek of pain and a scream of terror erupted from Donatello's throat as he hysterically yanked his arm free of Raph's grip and bolted out of the lab, moving at a much faster pace than the hotheaded turtle thought his injured brother was capable of.

"Donnie! Stop!" Raph was quick to follow his frightened little brother, but not quick enough. By the time the hotheaded turtle stepped foot outside of the lab, the rest of his family had made their way out into the heart of the lair to see what the ruckus was all about. That was when Raph saw Donatello duck behind his father, as though hiding from the red-clad ninja.

"What is the meaning of this?" The usual thunder that rocked Master Splinter's voice when he asked this question was missing, but there was a fire burning in his eyes that only the temperamental turtle could see.

Raphael's immediate explanation came out a bit on the panicked side. Far more panicked than he had intended, but Master Splinter had that effect on people. "I didn't mean to scare him! I was just trying to talk!"

Flattening his ears and whiskers, Master Splinter forced his face into a neutral expression while internalizing a frustrated sigh. He realized that Raphael had meant to do no harm, but the second oldest turtle had clearly done something to upset his intellectual brother. Donatello was practically shaking out of his shell.

More concerned about his wounded child's emotional wellbeing than what had transpired to distress him so, Master Splinter decided the best thing to do in this situation was to get Donatello back to the place he felt the safest.

"Michelangelo, would you please help me get Donatello to his room?"

In less than a split second, Mikey was at his injured brother's side, ready to assist him in any way possible. The youngest sibling then cast a fleeting glare over his shoulder at his two oldest brothers, as if silently accusing them of hurting Donnie, before he and Master Splinter escorted the genius turtle away from the scene.

Raph's face drooped into a pitiful frown as he watched Donnie leave, knowing that his immediate younger brother was distraught because of his actions. He was about to follow his father and little brothers when Leo stepped out in front of him, arms folded across his chest defensively.

"What did you do, Raph? You were supposed to be making things better, not worse!"

For a moment, Raph appeared to be dejected by his older brother's comments. That is until it dawned on him that Leonardo was being a stinking hypocrite. "You think I don't know that?! Like I said, I was just trying to talk to him and he freaked out! Kind of like he did in the kitchen with you the other day."

Touché!

Leo's mouth fell open, like he was gasping for air, just trying to recover from the somewhat low blow. Once he had managed to swallow down his tremendous pride, his voice sounded out, much less confrontational than before. "So what did you say to set him off?"

"I didn't have to say anything. It was pretty obvious he was remembering what I said to him before. You know? In the lab… that night."

How could any of them possibly forget that night?

It had ripped their family apart.

"Oh."

With his shoulders hung low, Raphael pressed a thumb and forefinger into the inner corners of his eye sockets, feeling a nasty headache coming on. "'Oh' is right. And when he tried to get away from me, I made the mistake of grabbing him by the arm."

Leonardo's face twisted into a grimace. "Yikes."

"Yeah. Needless to say, it didn't go over too well, as you heard, loud and clear." Dropping his arms down at his sides, Raphael shook his head in disgust. "What do I do now, Leo?"

Leonardo wished he had the answer to Raphael's question, but all he could do in response was pat his red-masked brother on the shell.

The somewhat patronizing gesture made Raph let out a groan, knowing this was his older brother's way of saying he had no clue what to do either.

If the fearless leader didn't even know what to do…

This was not good.

Not good at all.

To be continued…

*More Author's Notes: Oh my gosh! I just feel so bad for Raphael in this story. He made a horrible mistake and he'd do absolutely anything to make up for it, but so much damage has been done. I don't know if things will ever be the same between the two middle brothers after all that has happened. It totally breaks my heart.

Just so everyone knows, there's still a bunch of angst left to come in this story. I hope you're all ready for it.

Thank you all lots and lots for reading 'Slash's Revenge.' If you would like to see more, please take a few moments to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review and/or comment. I appreciate the feedback more than words can say.

Hopefully, I will be posting my new 'TMNT Shell Shot' sometime this month or next. I just need to find the time to edit it. ;)

Take care and stay safe, everybody.

CJ