*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Notes: A new chapter of 'Slash's Revenge' is here! I sure hope you're all ready for it.

I want to thank every one of you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support. It just means so much to me. You are all amazing.

Let's get right into the chapter, before I get too sentimental here…

CJ

Chapter 39 – A Lack of Compassion

"That's it, D. Just four more to go and you're done for the day. You got this, bro."

Donatello had to bite his tongue for fear of saying something he'd later regret. He knew his baby brother was only trying to help, but Mikey wasn't the one in extreme pain.

The rather intense physical therapy regimen Master Splinter had developed to get Donatello back into shape was far more difficult than the genius turtle had anticipated. Sure, he had realized there would be some discomfort involved. But this? So soon? Donatello hated to admit it, but right about now, he much preferred being bedridden over this. Having his family wait on him hand and foot felt a heck of a lot better than doing therapy.

Gritting his teeth through the agony, Donatello somehow managed to get through the last four repetitions of the exercise routine before promptly collapsing into a heap on the Dojo floor. His whole body ached something awful, but his wounded shoulder was making the loudest protest. Maybe that was because Master Splinter had focused most of his rehabilitation program on regaining mobility in Donatello's left arm. Of all his injuries, the shoulder was proving to be the most difficult to heal. After ten days' worth of resting the arm, Donatello still could barely lift it above his chest. Not for lack of trying. The limb just wouldn't cooperate, much to the wounded turtle's continued frustration.

Master Splinter helped Donatello into a sitting position and carefully slipped the intellectual turtle's arm back into its sling. The arm was definitely showing some signs of improvement, but not so much that it didn't require the aid of the sling.

"You did well, my son. How do you feel?"

Unable to hide a telltale grimace, Donatello clutched his injured shoulder with his right hand, hoping the added pressure might help relieve the pain.

No such luck…

"Like I just got hit by a double-decker bus."

Mikey's round face showed sympathy, while at the same time, his eyes lit up with his trademark enthusiasm. "That's how you know it's working. Right, Sensei?"

A wan smile was Master Splinter's silent response to his youngest son's inquiry. The father then turned his attention back to Donatello. "Perhaps we pushed too much, too soon." There was a slight pang of guilt in Master Splinter's voice that the genius turtle hadn't expected to hear.

"No. I'll be all right. I'm just a little sore, is all." Donatello couldn't believe the words that had just come out of his mouth. Here, he'd been provided with the perfect opportunity to possibly ease up on his physical therapy and he had turned it down flat.

Maybe all the repeated blows to the head he had received courtesy of Slash had done more damage than Donatello had initially thought. That could be the only possible explanation for why the supposedly genius turtle had passed up his father's generous offer.

Donatello opened his mouth, fully intent on retracting his previous two statements, but not a single sound came out of his parched throat. That was because he suddenly found himself distracted by the sight of Raphael staring down at him from several feet away. The red-masked turtle's normally fierce green eyes were dulled by remorse while his lips formed a heavy frown.

Not quite sure what to make of the woeful expression, Donatello simply stared back. His own expression taking on a guilty quality for reasons he couldn't explain. For a moment, he actually started to feel sorry for his hotheaded brother, but soon enough, the voices were ringing in his brain once again…

"You're always sorry! I've had it up to here with your excuses, Donnie!"

"You're always screwing everything up, Donnie! How many times have you nearly killed us now? How many times, huh?"

"All you ever do is put everyone in danger, Donnie! You're supposed to be the smart one, but you ruin everything you touch!"

Slash's gravelly voice was quick to join in, raring to remind Donatello just how much his own brother despised him…

"You can deny it all you want, Donnie boy. The truth is, Raph always thought the least of you. He told me time and time again that you were the most useless one. An embarrassment to the clan."

"He never missed a chance to point out what a hopeless weakling you are and how he wished you weren't related to him. He used to constantly say he couldn't believe he had such a pathetic loser for a brother."

"I can see why Raphael hates you so much. Shaking like a little baby. You make me sick."

With each bitter passing word, Donnie's gaze fell a little lower until he was staring at the area rug beneath him.

The memories were too much…

"Pathetic! You're worthless, Donnie! Always have been. We're constantly having to save your sorry shell. Look at you. You're nothing but a disgrace."

Sealing his lips tightly shut, Donatello managed to hold back a whimper, but he soon realized it was far more difficult to hold back the tears.

NO!

He wasn't going to cry! He wasn't about to give Raphael the satisfaction of seeing him hurt again.

Determined to walk away from the scene before his emotions could get the better of him, Donatello attempted to push himself up to his feet, but his overexerted limbs wouldn't cooperate.

Seeing that his wounded brother was struggling to get up, Raphael extended his hand out to help Donatello, but the genius turtle stubbornly refused the offer or anyone else's offer, for that matter. Despite the tremendous pain it caused him, Donnie forced himself into a standing position all on his own, as if trying to prove a point. He then flashed Raph a tenacious glare before turning and heading out of the Dojo without so much as a word. Though the injured turtle tried with all his might to hide any trace of a limp as he marched off, there was a definite hobble in his step.

For several moments, a stunned silence rang out as Master Splinter and his three remaining sons tried to process what had just happened. All eyes fell upon Raphael, who instantly hung his head down in shame. He knew he was the reason Donatello had left the Dojo so abruptly.

The realization hurt like shell; just Raph being there had upset Donnie enough to push him away.

Posture sagging in defeat, Raphael muttered out, "He hates me."

It was hard to hear the words. The hotheaded turtle sounded as though his whole world had just shattered.

Master Splinter's long face plunged into a deep frown as he clasped his paws behind his back. Both the oldest and youngest turtles recognized the signs; their father was gearing up for a lecture. One they thankfully wouldn't be forced to listen to.

"Leonardo and Michelangelo, would you please go check on Donatello?"

"Will do!" Mikey was off and running before he even got to the 'd' in 'do.' Leonardo followed his youngest brother at a much less frantic pace, but it was still plain to see he was just as eager to leave. Raphael would've volunteered to go with them if he thought it would do any good. The fact of the matter remained: Donnie didn't want anything to do with him.

"Your brother does not hate you, Raphael."

The red-clad turtle's eyes didn't lift to meet his father's sympathetic gaze. If anything, Raphael's head dipped even lower than before. A clear demonstration of the remorse he was feeling inside. "How can you be so sure? You saw what just happened." There was no anger or gruffness in Raphael's tone, only the sound of regret. This made Master Splinter sigh, his thoughts just as troubled as his hotheaded son's.

"Donatello is haunted by demons we cannot see." The burdened father began to pace in front of Raphael for no particular reason. Perhaps it was just because he felt more at ease when he was moving.

Too caught up with staring down at the floor, Raphael didn't even register his father's movements. He did, however, register his father's comment and immediately took it straight to heart.

"Demons I put there. All those awful things I said to him… It's no wonder he hates me."

Again, Master Splinter breathed out a sigh. This one was much more exasperated than the one before, but he managed to hide any hint of frustration from his voice as he calmly spoke. "Tell me, Raphael. Do you hate Slash?"

The question nearly made the temperamental turtle choke on his response. "Wh – What?" Raphael's wide eyes were now fixed on his father, shocked beyond belief that Sensei would ask such a thing.

Though he knew perfectly well his son had heard the question loud and clear, Master Splinter did not hesitate to repeat it just as calmly as before. "Do you hate Slash?"

It still took several long-drawn-out moments for the words to sink in, even after the second time. Like they just couldn't get through his thick skull. Finally, Raph barked out his answer. "Yes! Of course!"

Master Splinter stopped in his tracks and narrowed his dark eyes skeptically. "I do not believe you are being entirely truthful with me."

A low growl rumbled deep in Raphael's chest at the insinuation that he was being dishonest. His voice then came out on the brink of a dull roar. "That monster kidnapped and tortured my brother! Why wouldn't I hate him?"

Not even the thunder in Raphael's tone could faze the Ninjutsu master. He simply stroked his long, white beard. A stony expression carved on his face. "Yet you have not left this lair in search of him. If you hate him so, why have you not gone out to seek your revenge?"

Again, Raphael had a hard time getting out his response, as if he had somehow swallowed his own tongue. It took several attempts to spit out what he ultimately wanted to say. "Wh – What – What do you mean?"

"You promised your brother you would make Slash pay. I remember you swore on your life, but over a week has passed since we found Donatello, and still, you have not made any effort to find Slash. Why?"

With a slight shrug of his shoulders, Raphael tried his best to act like he wasn't getting rattled by the line of questioning, when deep down inside, his stomach was twisting into the tightest of knots. Just thinking about Slash seemed to have that effect on him.

"I don't know. I guess I've just been too worried about Donnie." It was a bald-faced lie. Raph knew it. Master Splinter knew it.

"Are you sure that is the only reason you have not gone after Slash?"

Try as he may, the hotheaded turtle realized there was no fooling his father. A part of Raphael was irritated by this fact, while another part of him was relieved that someone knew the truth. Although Raphael wasn't even sure what that truth was…

Why hadn't he hunted Slash down like he had promised?

It had been all he could focus on when Donnie had been missing.

But now, it seemed like the furthest thing from his mind.

What had changed?

"No." Raphael exhaled the word, revealing both his exasperation and disgust with himself. He then folded his arms across his plastron and jutted his bottom lip out to form a point. The trademark scowl made Master Splinter's own lips curl into a thin, knowing smile.

"I thought so."

Man, Raphael couldn't stand it when someone else was right. Especially when it made him look like a chump. Luckily, Leo wasn't around to rub it in. Still, the hotheaded turtle's ego felt the sting, but that sting was quickly replaced by a sharp twinge of guilt.

"I can't explain it, Sensei. I know I should be out there, making him pay for hurting Donnie, but I – " Raph had to pause for several seconds before quietly adding, "I just can't bring myself to actually do it. What's wrong with me?"

Resting a paw on Raphael's right shoulder, Master Splinter attempted to comfort his most temperamental child. Something Raphael was normally not all that receptive to, but the red-clad warrior was quick to let his guard down, much to his father's surprise.

"Nothing is wrong with you, my son. It is only natural for you to feel conflicted given the circumstances."

"What should be natural is me going out there and tearing Slash limb from limb! I mean, I'm supposed to be the resident hothead, right?" Raphael dropped his arms at his sides and clenched and unclenched his fists, almost as though he was at an emotional crossroad, torn somewhere between anger, hurt, and utter confusion.

"There is far more to you than just your temper, my son. Just as I suspect there is far more to Slash than just revenge. Hence the reason you are feeling so conflicted."

'Conflicted' was the understatement of the century. Raph felt like his insides were being ripped apart and there was no way to piece them back together again.

By all rights, he should've hated Slash. He should've wanted him dead, but in actuality...

"I sensed something in him, Master Splinter. That night we found Donnie… Slash – He could've easily let Donnie die, but he didn't. He saved him. I know Slash has done a lot of horrible things, but I think there's a part of Spike still inside of him, Sensei. I can feel it."

Master Splinter breathed out a small sigh and furrowed his brow, temporarily lost in contemplation. "Are you certain, my son? You cared for Spike very deeply. Perhaps your feelings are clouding your judgment."

An instant shake of his head indicated Raphael's answer was a definite 'no'. He then verbally confirmed as much. "It's not just wishful thinking, if that's what you mean. It's more than that." Raphael peered up at his father with beseeching eyes. "You've always said there isn't a monster more dangerous than a lack of compassion."

Hearing his most stubborn son repeat his words practically verbatim filled Master Splinter with a sudden sense of pride, but he did not allow himself to lose focus on the important conversation at hand. "And you feel compassion towards Slash?"

The question made Raphael noticeably flinch in his father's gentle grip. "I'm not really sure what I feel, Sensei. It seems like I'm betraying Donnie if I forgive Slash."

This statement immediately piqued Master Splinter's interest, causing his ears to perk up. "So, you forgive Slash?"

Eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets, Raphael once again shook his head. This time much more vigorously than before. "No! NO! That's not what I meant! Like I said, I'm not really sure what I feel. I just know Slash isn't actually pure evil, like I initially thought."

Master Splinter released his hold on Raphael's shoulder so he could use that paw to tap his chin pensively. "I see."

The last thing Raphael wanted to hear from his father at that moment was a much-dreaded 'I see.' The cryptic remark did nothing to help ease Raphael's troubled mind. If anything, it made things even worse. Hence the reason the turtle's next response verged on desperate.

"What do you see, Sensei? 'Cause I could seriously use some guidance here." Raph's fists were now pinned against his chest, as though he was pleading for help.

"I cannot tell you what to think or feel, Raphael. However, I can tell you this: if you can find it in your heart to feel compassion for Slash after all that he has done, you should not assume Donatello is incapable of feeling compassion for you."

Though the frown that crossed Raphael's face spoke volumes, his cracked voice soon chimed in as if to verify his misery. "But I hurt him so bad."

"Yes. You did." There was no denying the obvious disappointment in Master Splinter's tone.

To Raphael, it was like a kick to the gut, swift and hard. His emerald gaze quickly made its way back down to the floor, too ashamed to look at his father as the words began ringing his ear slits yet again…

"You're always sorry! I've had it up to here with your excuses, Donnie! What? It wasn't enough that you almost killed Spike? Now, you almost killed all of us with another one of your crazy experiments!"

"I don't want to hear it anymore! You're always screwing everything up, Donnie! How many times have you nearly killed us now? How many times, huh?"

"All you ever do is put everyone in danger, Donnie! You're supposed to be the smart one, but you ruin everything you touch! You're the reason Spike's gone! I lost my best friend because of you! It was all your fault! If you weren't such a walking disaster, he'd still be here!"

After all the cruel things Raph had said and done…

After all the cruel things Slash had said and done…

After all that had happened, why should Donnie ever feel compassion towards anyone ever again, let alone towards the one who had sent him off to be tortured in the first place?

"Let him go. Maybe he'll actually stop and think about what he's done for once. He'll be back in time for patrol."

If Raph would've just let Mikey and Leo go after Donnie when they had had the chance.

If Raph wouldn't have been feeling so sorry for himself.

If Raph wasn't so damn angry all the time.

So many 'ifs.'

So many things he should've done differently.

So many wrongs that could've have been avoided.

So much pain because of him…

"What right do I even have to ask Donnie for forgiveness?"

Seeing the hurt in his second oldest son's eyes, Master Splinter once again placed a paw atop Raphael's shoulder and gave it a firm, reassuring squeeze.

"I did not say this would be an easy task, Raphael, but it is a task that must be done. For Donatello's sake and for your own. As long as this rift remains between the two of you, your brother cannot truly heal. Please, help him, my son. Help him find his way back to us."

To be continued…

*More Author's Notes: OMG! Raphael is so broken here, it just crushes my spirit. This part of the story makes me want curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out.

I have to warn all of you, the next chapter is a very, very significant one and it's rather dramatic. It also happens to be one of my favorite chapters I've ever written so I'm super excited to share it with everybody.

Now, onto a rather sensitive topic… I did post my latest 'TMNT Shell Shot' a few weeks ago and it regrettably didn't do very well here on FanFiction. Not very well at all. I kept waiting for the reviews to roll in, but I only received a handful of them. I was pretty saddened by the lack of response. I'm truly hoping that this was because people were too busy to read it/comment on it and not because the story was poorly written as some have rather unkindly pointed out… It's called 'Missed Opportunities' and it ties right into 'Slash's Revenge.' You certainly don't have to read it, but I sure would appreciate it if you did. I want to thank those of you who did read the story. I'm so very grateful to you. I also want to thank all the people who sent me kind words after I nearly quit writing because I was so down on myself. I'm forever indebted to you for your tremendous kindness.

Okay, enough sadness…

Thank you all so very much for reading. As always, if you would like me to keep posting, please take a couple moments to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review and/or comment. I definitely could use some encouragement right about now.

Until next time, everyone.

CJ