*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Notes: I'm finally back with a new chapter of 'Slash's Revenge' and, like I pointed out in my last post, this is one of my very favorite chapters I've ever written. I sure hope everyone likes it, too. *fingers crossed*

Thanks so much for reading, everybody!

CJ

Chapter 40 – Epic Fail

The words kept replaying in Raph's brain like a broken record…

"Please, help him, my son. Help him find his way back to us."

Even now, as he reluctantly made his way to Donatello's room, all the hotheaded turtle could focus on was what his father had just said. Maybe that was because Raphael knew if he focused on anything else, he might chicken out and run away screaming.

Ugh!

He was so not good at this sort of stuff.

What was he even going to say?

It's not like Master Splinter had given him a script to go off of…

"I did not say this would be an easy task, Raphael, but it is a task that must be done. For Donatello's sake and for your own. As long as this rift remains between the two of you, your brother cannot truly heal."

How was Raph supposed to mend that rift?

A simple apology wasn't going to cut it. Heck, come to think of it, neither was a complicated one. Not that it really mattered. Raph sucked at any kind of apology.

Shaking his head, Raphael fought to internalize a growl of disgust. Just as the temperamental turtle had suspected, the moment he stopped focusing on what his father had told him, the feelings of doubt and shame came slithering back in and he suddenly found himself on the verge of fleeing the scene. In fact, he probably would have done so if not for Michelangelo coming up behind him from seemingly out of nowhere and scaring the shell out of him.

"Geez, Mikey! Give a turtle a heart attack, why don't ya?" Raph clutched his upper plastron just to make sure everything was still in working order. When he felt the steady thump-thump inside his chest, he figured it was safe to assume he was going to pull through.

"Sorry, bro. I was just getting Donnie a glass of ice water. Didn't mean to startle you." An impish grin soon snaked its way across Mikey's freckled face, revealing just how amused he was that he had managed to frighten his hotheaded brother. The youngest turtle always loved seeing his rough and tough big brother squirm in his shell. And this time, it didn't even have anything to do with cockroaches or crawly things.

Bonus!

Raph's expression then turned sour. A sure sign his mood was about to shift gears and not for the better. Mikey was quick to wipe the smirk off his face before his volatile brother had a chance to smack it off him. "So, what're you doing creeping outside Donnie's door?"

The accusation immediately caused Raphael to get defensive. "I wasn't creeping! I was just debating over whether or not I should go in!"

Mikey took a moment to scratch the top of his head with his free hand before casually responding, "What's there to debate about? Just go in."

It sounded so simple when Mikey said it, but to Raph, it was anything but simple.

"You saw the way he looked at me back in the Dojo. He doesn't wanna see me."

"How can you be so sure unless you actually go in there?" Mikey gave Raph a knowing wink and handed him the glass of water. He then motioned for his red-clad brother to knock.

Thirty seconds ticked by without so much as a reaction from Raphael. He just stood there staring at his baby brother who continued to make gestures towards the entrance.

Finally, when Mikey stopped his gyrating about, Raphael raised his hand to strike his knuckles against the surface of the door.

"It took you long enough, Mikey," came Leonardo's slightly annoyed voice.

"It's actually Raph. Can I – Can I come in?"

There was a long pause that followed the request. Eventually, Raphael could hear faint whispers inside the room, but they weren't quite loud enough to decipher. No doubt this was intentional.

At least a full minute passed before Raph finally received an answer to his question.

"Yeah. It's open." Not surprisingly, it was Leonardo who replied.

Swallowing thickly, Raphael pushed the door open while his stomach did a series of somersaults.

Donnie was sitting on his bed while Leo stood over him, presumably straightening out his sling.

The moment the hotheaded ninja stepped foot inside the room, Donatello peered up at him and it was like the genius turtle had seen a ghost. All the color instantly fled from his cheeks and he appeared to be on the verge of a massive panic attack.

It wasn't exactly the warm welcome Raph had been hoping for, but what else should he expect?

After all that had gone down, it was a wonder Donnie had agreed to let the temperamental turtle in his room in the first place.

Raphael was just about to take a step forward when Leo insinuated himself between his two middle brothers, as though he was protecting Donatello from the second oldest turtle.

That was rich.

Leonardo, the very same guy who had not so long ago told Raph that he couldn't keep avoiding Donnie forever, was now trying to stop the red-masked warrior from seeing his genius brother.

What happened to the turtle who had said, "You're just gonna have to suck it up and go in there, Raph, or we're never gonna be whole again"?

Apparently, Leo was now whistling a different tune; one Raphael wasn't real keen on.

With a scowl upon his face, the leader in blue folded his arms across his plastron and the two oldest brothers were soon locked in a silent stare down that lasted just long enough to make things extra awkward. Then, for whatever reason, Leonardo unexpectedly stepped aside and let Raphael through.

A bit rattled by the whole situation, the usual confidence in Raph's stride was nowhere to be seen as he approached his wounded brother's bedside. That same lack of confidence came shining through in the temperamental turtle's tentative voice. "Hey."

Donnie was quick to tilt his head down, clearly evading eye contact as he spoke in a hushed tone. "Hey."

The quiet response made Raphael cringe inside his shell. Though the hotheaded turtle did not think it was possible, the moment somehow turned even more awkward as he stood there, racking his brain for something to say. Ultimately, all he could come up with was, "I, uh, brought you some water."

As soon as the words escaped Raphael's lips, he regretted them.

I brought you some water? Seriously?! That's the best you could come up with?

Real smooth, Raph!

Donatello forced a thin smile to show appreciation for the gesture, but it wasn't all that convincing. It was obvious he was just trying his best to be polite. "Thanks."

Even an idiot could see this conversation was going nowhere fast. For the first time ever, Raph actually found himself wishing that Leonardo would butt in with some lame-o comment. Anything to break the painful silence that had now fallen over the room.

Come on, Fearless. Help me out here…

As if he had tapped directly into Raphael's thoughts, the fearless leader did speak, but it was not what the hotheaded turtle wanted to hear.

Not at all…

"Well, I think I'll leave you two to talk."

What!?

With that said, it felt like someone had hit Raph's internal panic button and he was once again fighting off the urge to run away screaming.

Maybe he should…

Or maybe it would be better to get down on his hands and knees and beg Leo to stay.

Was he that desperate?

Seeing the poorly repressed alarm in Raphael's eyes, Leonardo made a point of stopping in front of his red-masked brother to give him a look that was both encouraging and threatening at the same time. Almost like the leader was wordlessly saying, "You can do this, but don't you dare hurt him again, or else."

Then, without so much as another peep, Leo sidestepped around Raph and exited the room, leaving the hotheaded turtle alone with Donatello.

For several long seconds, Raph just stood there, staring at the spot where Leo had been, as though he didn't know what else to do. Eventually, he summoned up the courage needed to walk again. His father's earlier words served as his motivation…

"I did not say this would be an easy task, Raphael, but it is a task that must be done."

In a rather bold move, the turtle in red sat down on the bed next to his wounded brother, which visibly made Donatello flinch, but Raph's resolution never faltered. Not even Donnie's frightened reaction or their sudden close proximity was going to stop the temperamental turtle from going through with this.

"… it is a task that must be done."

You can do this…

You can do this!

"Donnie, we need to talk."

The words made Donatello flinch, once again, and he had to swallow fiercely before he could whimper out an "okay."

"All those bad things Slash said – they aren't true." Raph instantly felt bad for being so blunt. He had attempted to soften his tone, but he couldn't help himself. Gruffness was kind of his thing.

Keeping his gaze fixed on his trembling hands, Donatello just nodded in response. Raphael could see that his younger brother was subtly trying to edge away from him, but there wasn't much room left for him to go. Donnie was drawing closer and closer to the footboard of the bed.

Raph sealed his eyes shut, just for a moment, to steel himself before continuing. It was hard enough knowing that your little brother was terrified; it was even harder knowing he was terrified of you.

"Listen. I don't know what he told you, but it was all a bunch of lies. All that stuff about how we didn't care or how we weren't out searching for you – he was only saying that stuff to hurt you, bro." This time, Raphael managed to sound a bit more sympathetic than the last, but the comments still made Donatello shrink away in fear. It was like the genius turtle was now afraid of his own shadow.

"I know," was all that Donnie wheezed out. His eyes were starting to look glossier than before. He must have realized this, for he was suddenly looking off in the opposite direction of Raphael, trying desperately to hide the tears.

For a brief second, Raph moved his hand towards Donnie, intending to comfort him, but soon thought better of it, afraid the physical contact might startle his timid brother.

Perhaps things would've turned out differently if Raph would've shown that moment of vulnerability…

Instead, Raph retracted his hand and just sat there beside his brother, letting him fight a losing battle to keep his composure, alone and afraid.

It was a decision Raphael would forever regret. Especially given what happened next.

"So… What exactly did he say?"

The hotheaded ninja's question immediately made Donnie's every muscle go rigid and his trembling hands clenched into trembling fists that he pressed firmly against his thighs. Before long, his breathing went from quiet, little gasps to uneven gulps for air, like someone had turned down the oxygen level in the room.

There was no mistaking the question had upset the genius turtle. If Raph hadn't figured it out from his brother's body language, he could certainly hear it in Donnie's ragged voice. "I – I'd rather not t – talk about it."

"Okay." It wasn't like Raph to just drop things, but he didn't want to upset his little brother any more than he already had. Donatello had been through hell. The last thing Raph wanted to do was make things worse.

The room fell silent once more and an eternity seemed to come and go. Shockingly, it was Donatello who finally broke the silence, but his voice sounded much different than it had before. Almost as if he had figured out a way to suddenly shut off all his emotions.

"I've been doing a lot of research on acute and post-traumatic stress disorders these past few days… I know that victims of violent crimes need to talk about what happened, but I'm just not ready to yet." The detached and mechanical way Donatello spoke caused Raphael's chest to tighten with dread.

Was this how all their conversations would be from now on? Totally awkward and impassive? Like they weren't even brothers anymore?

"I understand." Though the hotheaded turtle tried to suppress his sorrow, it came shining through as he spoke, making him shudder at the sound of his own voice.

Never in a million years would Raphael have ever intentionally sounded so weak and fragile, but man oh man, had he just sounded weak and fragile. Lucky for him, Donnie didn't appear to notice or perhaps he just didn't care. He was more interested in staring down at the bed beneath him through teary eyes that seemed distant, like he was suddenly miles and miles away. Evidently, in his mind, he was done with the conversation.

Raph, on the other hand, was torn. Torn between the part of him that wanted to just call it a loss and leave the room with at least some of his dignity still intact and the part of him that felt this burning need to stay. To tough it out and mend what he had broken.

"Raph, you can't keep avoiding him forever!"

No, he couldn't…

"I did not say this would be an easy task, Raphael, but it is a task that must be done."

He owed it to Donnie…

"As long as this rift remains between the two of you, your brother cannot truly heal."

To try to make things right…

"Please, help him, my son."

To try to bring his brother back to them…

"Just go in there and talk to him already!"

To try to make the family whole again…

He couldn't run away. Not this time.

"Donnie, please just talk to me." In another epic breach of character, Raphael's heartfelt plea came out needy and powerless. The usual edge to his tone unmistakably absent.

"I – I can't." Donnie shook his head from side to side and pressed his lips tightly together as if trying to prevent something from slipping out. Still, he stubbornly refused to look his big brother in the eyes. Afraid that if he did, he might fall apart.

Much to the genius turtle's dismay, Raphael wasn't about to take "no" for an answer. It was one of the qualities Donnie both loved and hated about his older brother. "Yes, you can. Just try."

Realizing Raph wasn't going to leave him alone unless he got what he wanted, Donnie breathed out a sigh of defeat. "Fine. What do you wanna know?"

The taste of victory was slightly bittersweet. Raph felt bad for practically forcing his brother to talk, but at the same time, a win was still a win. Now, the temperamental turtle just had to figure out what to talk about.

Think, Raph. Think!

There were so many things he could've asked at this point. So many questions that popped into his head about his brother's ordeal, but there was one question in particular that stood out amongst the rest.

"Well, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. Did Slash… Did he ever say something to you that might make you think that… that there was still good in him?"

Forgetting all about avoiding eye contact, Donnie immediately turned towards Raph as he sputtered out, "G – Good in him?"

"Yeah. Like Spike's still there." Raphael had to pause to clear his throat before he was able to speak again. "He - He saved you, you know?"

The words made Donatello's eyeballs nearly bulge out of their sockets. "He what?!"

"He saved you." It almost sounded as though Raph was proud of this fact.

Donatello had heard quite enough. His hands began to shake even more than before, only it was no longer because of fear. It was because he was now beside himself with rage.

Unbeknownst to Raphael, he had struck a nerve with the supposedly gentlest turtle.

"Saved me?! Saved me! In case you've forgotten, that monster kidnapped me and tortured me!" Before he even got through the third sentence, Donnie was baring his teeth, clearly demonstrating his genuine disgust for what his brother had said.

A bit taken aback, Raph stumbled over his next words only to be promptly cut off by a snarling voice. "I – I know, but – "

"NO! YOU DON'T KNOW! He kept me in a cage and forced me to wear a leash and muzzle! He made me get down on my hands and knees to eat and drink! He found amusement in humiliating me and beating me into unconsciousness! He let my wounds get so infected, I almost died!"

Though hearing the horrific things Slash had done to his brother sickened Raphael to no end, the hotheaded ninja still felt the inexplicable need to argue on the behalf of his former pet. "Yeah, but when I found you, he could've let you die, yet he didn't! He saved your life."

"Wait! Are you actually defending his actions!? He was planning on sending you my severed finger!"

"But he didn't! Donnie, listen!"

"I'm through with listening to you!" The heavy scorn Donatello placed on the word 'you' made Raphael shudder, but not nearly as much as the next bitter lines did. "You've always cared about him more than me! Don't deny it! Even now, after he did what he did, you still love him more than you ever did me!"

"Donnie, that's not – "

"Don't lie to me! I know what you really think of me! He told me over and over again!"

As if on cue, Slash's voice was resounding inside Donnie's head…

"How's it feel to know your family thinks so little of you, they've left you for dead? I mean, I knew that Raphael would, but the rest of 'em. Heh! They must really think you're a worthless piece of shell."

"What – What do you mean you knew Raph would?"

"Raphael used to tell me everything about you guys. He always said that you three held him back and that he didn't want to be a part of the team anymore. He especially couldn't stand you. He never missed a chance to point out what a hopeless weakling you are and how he wished you weren't related to him. He used to constantly say he couldn't believe he had such a pathetic loser for a brother."

"He never said that! You're lying!"

"You can deny it all you want, Donnie boy. The truth is, Raph always thought the least of you. He told me time and time again that you were the most useless one. An embarrassment to the clan."

"No."

"You're good for nothing."

"No!"

"Poor, frail, little Donatello."

"N – NO!"

"Your brothers aren't coming for you."

"S – Stop!"

"And why should they? You're not worth saving."

Slash's harsh words only added fuel to Donnie's fire. The brilliant turtle pushed himself up off the bed and stood before Raphael, quivering with anger. There was a storm raging in the genius turtle's eyes that seemed out of place. Raph almost felt as though he was staring at a carbon copy of himself as his introverted brother continued to rant, just as the hotheaded turtle had unleashed his anger upon Donatello that fateful night in the lab.

"You think I'm weak and useless! An embarrassment to the clan! You wished we were never related! You told him that yourself!"

"Donnie… " Raph gasped out his brother's name, barely audible, but it did nothing to ebb Donatello's tirade.

"GO ON! Admit it! Tell me how useless I am again! Tell me how I screw everything up and ruin everything I touch! Say it! Tell me how I'm not worth saving!"

"No." Head hung down in shame, the red-clad turtle stared at the floor through the thick layer of tears pooling over his eyes. He knew he deserved everything he was getting, but it was still so gut-wrenching to hear. It felt like his heart had been ripped right out of his plastron.

But Donnie wasn't done yet.

"HOW COULD YOU?"

"Wh – What?"

"How could you sit there and defend him after everything he's done! Unless… Unless S – Slash was telling the truth all along! You never c – cared about me!"

Raphael stood up so he was face-to-face with Donatello only to see his brother's broken and betrayed expression. It made the hotheaded turtle feel as if he was going to throw up, knowing that he had just done exactly what he had been trying to avoid all along.

He had hurt his little brother, again!

"Donnie – "

"GET OUT!"

"Donnie, please! Let me – "

"I! SAID! GET! OUT!" Anger pouring off him, Donnie pointed a forefinger towards the door in case there was any question where the exit was.

"Donatello – " Raph tried to reason with his brother one last time before being shot down once more.

"NOW!"

With that shouted, the red-masked ninja rushed straight for the door, not wanting to make things worse than he already had.

Yeah! Like that's even possible at this point…

Once outside of the room, self-loathing began to bubble underneath the surface of Raph's skin as he suddenly found himself thinking back to his father's words from earlier in the day…

"You promised your brother you would make Slash pay. I remember you swore on your life, but over a week has passed since we found Donatello, and still, you have not made any effort to find Slash."

His father was right. His father was always right.

"Y – You! You monster! You spineless coward! I will hunt you down and I will take you out! You hear me? TAKE! YOU! OUT! I'll rip your shell off!"

Raphael had a promise to keep.

To be continued…

*More Author's Notes: This chapter is just so incredibly dramatic. Donnie and Raph are hurting so very much right now and things only seem to be getting worse between them. My heart is breaking for these two. This part totally makes me want to cry.

What did you think of this installment? I sure hope you enjoyed it. Thank you all for reading. As always, please take a couple moments to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review and/or comment. I would love to hear from everyone and would also love to know how many readers are still with me 40 chapters in?

Thanks, again, for reading. Just so you know, there's still plenty more drama to come…

Take care and stay safe, my friends. I adore all of you. *hugs*

CJ