Green Light in the Dark

by AStrangeHopefulDreamer

AU in which Sirius Black had a daughter with Marlene McKinnon. Following the death of her mother and godparents and the imprisonment of her father, Aurora Black is moved from home to home with various members of the Black family until she finally arrives at Hogwarts and finds not only new friends, but a true home. (Please keep comments respectful and think before you type.)

125. A Home for the Holidays

The Hogwarts Express left at eleven o'clock sharp, and even at that time, Aurora had to all but haul Gwen on board. "I don't know how you can be so tired," she said, "it's eleven o'clock."

"It's the holidays!"

"It's eleven o'clock! You went to bed the same time as me."

"Yeah, but you're a freak of nature."

"Well, thank you very much."

Behind them, Robin laughed, and looped an arm around Gwen's shoulders as they made their way to a compartment, sidling Aurora out the way. "Are you feeling left out, Black? Feeling a bit boring?"

"Au contraire," she said, flipping her hair, "I don't think anything you two get up to could possibly be exciting."

"I'd disagree."

"Disgusting, though, absolutely."

"Aw, you're jealous. She's jealous of us, Gwen? Not seen Zabini in a while, I take it?"

"That was once and it was almost two months ago."

"It was Zabini."

"Piss off." She glanced over her shoulder, seeing Theo following behind them with a faraway look in his eye. Robin caught the trail of her gaze, and raised his eyebrows, gesturing for her to follow as they finally found a compartment to slip into.

She hung back just enough to fall into step beside Theo, reach out to his arm and ask, "Are you going to be alright?"

He looked up, startled by the question, and blinked. "I…"

"You look like you're in a completely different world there."

"Yeah. Well. I'm just thinking. It's fine, I don't want to talk about it right now."

His voice still had that soft, nervous quality to it, afraid to voice whatever was on his mind. Aurora's fingertips grazed his sleeve as she smiled and said, "Of course. Just let me know if you do."

The grateful smile was worth the suspension of her curiosity, and even worth the ruckus of the compartment Robin and Gwen had found, which also, to her consternation, included Apollo Jones and Lewis Stebbins. Behind her, Theo took in a steadying, annoyed sigh and braced himself for the two boys' characteristics hyperactivity, and the regrettably high likelihood of being hit in the face with some sort of joke missile.

"Always a pleasure with these two," he muttered wryly as they sat down by the window, squeezing past a pile of chocolate frogs.

Aurora laughed, letting Stella down from her arms so she could prowl about the compartment. "Don't worry, it's only eight hours in a tiny enclosed area. What's the worst that could happen?"

He sent her a withering look, and she grinned. It was at least better than the melancholy of a few minutes earlier.

"I got you a gift," he said, digging into his bag as the train started moving off. "I figured it was better to give you it now than risk owls flying about to Merlin knows where."

"Sensible," Aurora said approvingly, reaching in her own bag for the book and chocolates she had picked out for him and painstakingly wrapped. He handed her a little gift bag with a shy grin. "No peeking until Christmas Day though, please."

"I wouldn't dare even think of it."

Gwen looked over to them with raised eyebrows as they exchanged and placed their respective gifts in their bags, and Aurora stared back at her in challenge. After a few seconds of staring each other out, Gwen rolled her eyes and turned back to Robin, whispering something in his ear.

"Merlin knows I'll need something to take my mind off Christmas dinner."

"Not looking forward to it?"

Theo pulled a face. "My grandfather's invited the Carrows."

"Oh." Her stomach twisted, something bitter and stirring in her gut. "As in, Flora Carrow?"

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. "He wants the house full of people, apparently. Family, or people he wants to be family. Like he's trying to compensate for… You know."

"I'm sorry."

"It was inevitable," he said, glancing up. She followed his gaze as it landed on Jones and Stebbins, the way he tensed up when he acknowledged their presence. "We'll all have to grin and bear it."

"Well, there's something in there that should at least entertain you for a while."

He smiled faintly, grateful. "I'll count on it."

"Hey," Robin called over, waving to get their attention, "we didn't have Snape homework for the holidays, did we? Apollo and Lewis are pulling my leg."

Aurora let out an exasperated sigh. "Two twelve inch essays."

"Shit."

"Dont worry about it, Oliphant, I'm sure Sape won't expect very much of you. Just handing it in would exceed expectations."

She glanced back at Theo, who smiled in amusement as Robin groaned and bemoaned Snape's birth, drawing them in to a cathartic rant about the Potion Master. The journey passed largely without event after that, and Aurora slipped out as they drew near London in the darkened sky, to go and find Elise.

Her cousin was sat with a group of other first year girls, mainly Ravenclaws with a couple of Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, all quite merry and still indulging in copious stacks of chocolate frogs. When she spotted her, Elise jumped up in excitement and hurried to the door, hauling a bag behind her.

"Hey, Aurora! Are you excited for the holidays?"

"Very much so," she said, though her smile was strained. She did not know what the holiday would hold, and she envied Elise's enthusiasm. "Are you? I suppose you'll have missed your family."

"Lots," Elise told her, nodding, "but it'll be weird too. I'm not allowed to use magic at home, apparently, 'cause I'm a child, so I can't show off like I wanted to. But I'm sure I'll manage."

"You have my sympathies," Aurora said teasingly, and Elise grinned. "But, as a matter of fact, I do have something you might like to show off." She took from behind her pocket a gift she had thought long and hard about giving, and held it in the palm of her hand. Cyphus the snake hissed, eyeing Elise with interest. "This is a protective necklace, using centuries old family magic. It's intended to protect members of the Black family, at the behest of the head of the house. I have mine here, see — Julius. There are three necklaces and a key which locks them together, each imbued with the spirit of one of Hydrus Black — our house founder's — four children. I want you to have Cyphus."

"Cyphus," Elise said slowly, staring at the necklace.

"Hello, child," Cyphus said in a low hiss. "I have heard much about you. It is an honour."

"Oh." Elise blinked in surprise. "Er, thank you."

"You said she was amusing," Cyphus said, twisting so his eyes sparkled up at Aurora. "She says little of wit."

"It's not everyday you get introduced to one of your direct ancestors in the form of a metal snake pendant, in fairness. Give her a moment. Cyphus was Hydrus Black's eldest son," Aurora told Elise by way of explanation. "The second Lord Black. I give him to you, to protect you. Just in case you need it. And, he knows an awful lot, even though he likes to speak in riddles."

"Riddles are fun. I need some amusement after a thousand years."

"I figured a Ravenclaw like you might get more use out of the wretch than I can."

"Lady Black, you are cruel."

"He's... Strange." Elise frowned, thinking for a moment before saying, "Can I ask him anything?"

"Yes. I suppose. Why?"

"Oh, I just want to make sure. He's cool. Thank you, Aurora."

"Now, turn around for me," Aurora instructed, unclasping the necklace. "Lift your hair up for me." Elise did so, and Aurora placed the necklace around her neck carefully, clasping it at the back. "There you go."

The necklace suited her; Aurora had worried the pendant might look bulky on such a small frame, but Elise wore the necklace proudly, and it made all the difference. "Thank you," she said, touching it softly, and Cyphus let out an affectionate hiss.

"I like it here," he said. "Lady Black tells me I will get to observe Muggles, and I must say I am intrigued to see how they have survived without magic for so long."

"They've done pretty well," Elise told him cheerfully. "We have TVs! God, I've missed TV."

"What is a TV?"

"You'll see. It's ace. Oh, maybe I can show you Monty Python, that'd be funny. Or one of those cool documentaries about castles and stuff. Oh, this is so cool."

"Be responsible with him," Aurora said, "and be careful. He's a family heirloom, and there's a lot of strong magic. Now, nothing should go wrong, but if you feel any strangeness form wearing this necklace, take it off, and write to me, okay? Or Callidora or Cedrella too, they may be of help. But it should be fine." She swallowed tightly, seeing Elise's pride in wearing the necklace. "Anyway. I just came to give you that. And to wish you a Merry Christmas."

"Oh, but I got you something too! One of the girls told me how to order stuff from Hogsmeade shops, but you can't open it until Christmas Day, okay?"

That made Aurora ridiculously nervous as to what Elise had cooked up with her mischievous smile. Nevertheless, she grinned and thanked her for the gift, hidden inside a sparkly pink bag. "I'll treasure it. And I shall see if we can organise meeting up over the holidays, too. I know Harry will want to see you."

"Me too! I noticed he wasn't in school yesterday, is he okay?"

"Oh, just personal stuff. It'll be fine. Now, you get back to your friends, they're all looking quite intrigued and I'm sure you'll all want to make the most of your last minutes together. But keep that hidden — or at least just say it's a gift, not the magical parts. It's important."

"I will," Elise said, nodding eagerly, as though the mystery made it all the more appealing. "Thank you!" She hugged Aurora again, quickly, and Aurora patted her awkwardly on the head for a moment before managing to catch up and return the hug. When they parted, Elise was beaming. "Have a good Christmas then, Aurora," she said as she made to open the door. "Tell your dad and Harry hi, if I don't see them on the platform. Love you!"

Then she disappeared into the compartment before Aurora could reply or even comprehend what she had just said. Elise had just said that, so easily, so freely. Whether she meant it or not, she could say it. Like it was normal, like it was easy. Aurora couldn't quite wrap her head around it. Love should not — could not — be so freely given, and yet Elise seemed to think it could be.

It made something twist inside of her, a pressure in her head that made her eyes burn and cheeks warm. Her cousin loved her, just like that. It was a strange thought, and yet it warmed her heart. A smile spread over her face, unrestricted, and her heart was unusually light as she made her way back to her own compartment, where her friends were beginning to get ready to leave the train.

"Elise alright?" Gwen asked when she slipped inside.

"Yeah," Aurora said brightly, moreso than she had intended. "Yeah, she gave me a present, and I'm slightly scared of what it might be. Some Zonko's products. Or Bertie Botts, the first years are obsessed with Bertie Botts at the moment, I swear those and chocolate frogs are all I see anybody eat."

Gwen laughed, shaking her head. "Listen, you don't know the novelty of being able to eat something that tastes like it should kill you and doesn't."

"That seems sensible of me, actually," Aurora replied, and Theo and Robin laughed.

She and Theo were the last to leave when they pulled into the station. He had been lingering too long, finding new things to double-check he had in his bag and trunk, just in case, but Aurora knew he was just stalling for time before he had to rejoin his family outside.

"You really don't want to go, do you?"

He let out a dry scoff, leaning against the window. "It's our first Christmas without my mum. I don't know how to act, I mean… My grandfather doesn't know how to handle us, so it'll be down to me to help my siblings, of course, and I don't mind, I'm happy to be whatever they need to be. But I'm also kind of dreading it, being the only one who can be. Y'know sometimes I wish they could just sort their shit out themselves and I could breathe, but — that sounds so awful of me, doesn't it? It isn't their fault, of course they're upset, of course they're grieving and of course they don't know how to deal with it because of course our grandfather fucked us all up! But it's fine." His voice wobbled and he sniffed slightly, turning away. "I'm the eldest, it's my job to look after them and keep us all together, and same, and make this a good time, like my mum would have wanted. I mean, I missed the last Christmas with her and…" He trailed off, voice wobbling, and Aurora reached out instinctively to clasp his hand. He turned, taking in a sharp breath. "I regret it. I didn't know at the time but I should have cherished all the time I had with her. And I know that if I say a word about this holiday, any complaint, my grandfather will just throw that in my face."

"He's a git," she said, and he squeezed his eyes shut as though he was holding back tears. "Hey — sorry."

"You're right. I'm glad someone else could say it."

"Be kind to yourself, Theo." She squeezed his hand, and he flexed his fingers, holding her in return. Warmth went through her, unexpected and yet pleasant. "I wish I could do something to help, but, all I can say is that. You'll be there for your siblings as best you can, because that's who you are, but it's okay. You can be angry and you can be sad and you can be whatever you want to be, and don't let your grandfather make you think anything else."

He grimaced, taking a deep breath. "It's only three weeks. It'll be fine."

"You know you can always borrow a book from me."

His smile was grateful but fleeting, both of them knowing how unlikely it was that they would be able to see each other over the holidays, not least because Aurora didn't even know where she would be, and was fairly certain the Order's Floo would not accept his call. "Can I write?"

"Of course you can," she told him. "Anything you need. If — if you think it's safe."

"Thanks." He swallowed tightly, gaze darting about nervously before he looked at the door and said quickly, "I've been in touch with the Fawleys. My mother's family."

"Oh?"

"My grandfather never talks about them, we never see them, but he had to let them come to the funeral and we've been back in touch, and I might get to visit them. Which will be good. It'll be nice to finally connect. Except my grandfather doesn't know."

"Of course."

"He can't know. But I need to speak to them, you know? I need to know who she was as Matilda Fawley, not Mrs Nott, wife of a Death Eater and mother of four."

"I get it," she told him. "It sounds like it'll be good for you."

He nodded, like he was trying to convince himself of that. "I hope so. And I hope no one finds out."

"I won't tell a soul," she promised. "Your secrets are safe with me, Theo."

A pause, a moment of quiet, before he said softly, "I know. Thank you."

"Please do write to me," she told him, "I don't want you to feel like you have to keep everything you're feeling to yourself. Even if…"

"I don't know if I can send you letters. I don't know if my grandfather will watch my mail, or what he might do if he finds out."

For the same reason as they exchanged gifts on the train, they couldn't be sending important messages, or spill their emotions, or anything that indicated anything other than a friendly acquaintance between housemates. "Okay. Well, if you can, you write first? Then I'll know it's safe to write back to you."

He nodded, and tugged her by the hand just slightly, just enough to pull her closer to him. "I will," he promised, wavering on something.

It took her a moment but eventually Aurora gained the clarity of mind to ask, "Do you need a hug?"

"I… Yeah?"

With a small laugh, she pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him, hands resting on his shoulders. He took in a deep, shaky breath, pausing a moment before his own arms went to her waist, holding her to him. "It's going to be okay," she whispered gently, "I promise you, Theo, you can get through it. And even if you can't write to me, as soon as we get back, we're going to talk and you're going to be able to let out whatever it is you've been bottling up. I'll be here."

"I'm going to miss you," he murmured, and something in his voice made her heart flutter.

As his arms tightened around her waist she said, "I'm going to miss you, too."

There was a moment of silence in which Aurora simply let Theo hold her, holding onto whatever it was that he needed. She let him break the hug first, wiping his eyes unsubtly. "Everyone'll be waiting for me. I'd better go before Grandfather sends out a search party."

"Me too," she said quickly, stepping away and reaching swiftly for her bag. "I mean, my father, he'll be waiting on the platform and he'll no doubt be pacing by now and those two search parties probably shouldn't coincide."

A dry laugh. "You're probably right on that. Could be carnage." He bit his lip, nodding, and with a final glance around the compartment opened the door and held it open for her. "Ladies first."

"Such a gentleman, Nott," she said as she hurried out, joining the last stragglers in the aisle.

"I couldn't dishonour you, Lady Black."

She grinned back at him, but it faded as they caught sight of Wilfred up ahead, waiting. "I'd better…"

"Go," she said quickly, "yeah, I know just — Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," he replied, and hurried away.

Aurora waited a moment, alone, to collect her thoughts before heading out onto the platform, where her father was indeed pacing, Hermione Granger in tow. She had forgotten they were picking up a stray — apparently Granger wanted to be with Potter and the Weasleys after the attack.

The relief on her father's face when he saw her was so extreme that it unlocked a sick guilt inside of her for worrying him. She rushed off the train towards him, setting down Stella's cage just in time for her father to sweep her up into his arms and wrap her in a tight, bone-crushing hug. "What took you so long, Rory?"

The hug was firm yet gentle, and she could sink into him, because he was so familiar, and warm, and just knowing he was there, for her, made the tension in her shoulders unwind and an overwhelming sense of relief boil up inside of her, spilling into tears.

"Hey, are you crying? Aurora, why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry," she said thickly, shaking her head but reluctant to pull away from him.

"No, no, don't apologise. You haven't done anything wrong, sweetheart."

"I just..." She swallowed tightly as he squeezed her shoulder. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," he said gently, "I think we have a lot to talk about, don't we?" She nodded. "You're alright, sweetheart. We'll be home soon, and then we can talk all this out."

"I know," she said, stepping back hastily to dry her eyes. She caught Hermione Granger watching and sent her a strained smile. "So we've picked up a stray?"

An arm around her shoulder, still careful to keep her close, her dad said, "Hermione's worried about Ron and Harry, and Molly and I said she could stay with us over the break. Mostly with the Weasleys, but she might hang with us sometimes too — I said I'd bring her home."

"Oh, right." The idea of having intruders on her family Christmas made something sick and cold twist in her stomach. "Yeah, sure. Should we get going then, I'm sure I've already made you late — I was chatting on the train."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, absolutely. It'll be nice to spend some of the holidays with you, Hermione." She picked up Stella's cage again, rolled back her shoulders, and forced an unconvincing smile. "Shall we?"

"Come on then," her father sighed, ruffling her hair. "I said we'd walk home, and it's cold out, so you might want to do button up your coat. I can't wait for these holidays," he continued as he led her and Hermione out the station, "I've been waiting to put the tree up so I can do it with you, Aurora, I always loved decorating."

"Oh," Aurora said awkwardly, not knowing how to inform him that she had never in her life decorated a tree herself. Her dad was already launching into his plans for Christmas as he led them out the station, and onto the half-hour walk towards Grimmauld Place.

Outside, the snow had turned to trodden brown slush in most places, and was barely clinging on in others. "It's not exactly a postcard, is it?" her father commented wryly.

"I know. I have been here in winter before. It's still a bit depressing compared to up North."

"How's Ron doing?" Hermione interrupted anxiously. "And everybody else of course — how's Mr. Weasley?"

"Recovering well, I think, everybody went to visit him yesterday, though Harry came back a bit… Well, I don't know. Won't even come out and talk to me."

"Why?"

Her father shrugged. "I don't know. Clearly something happened yesterday, but he refuses to talk and I don't know how to make him. Seems to think he's being noble by being silent."

"You never have a problem forcing me to talk," Aurora grumbled.

"Yeah, well, Harry's different. He thinks he's doing everyone else a favour by keeping silent, you usually just don't know how to start a conversation. He doesn't think anyone will understand. He's been different since summer, too, he's less like..." He stopped himself, biting his lip. Aurora stared at him, trying to work out what he had been about to say. "He'll come out when he's ready, or hungry enough. But the Weasley children are all alright, as much as they can be, anyway. Arthur's going to be alright, so they're still worried, but managing to stay positive."

At least Mr Weasley was alright, Aurora thought, though she wondered what could have happened that Potter wouldn't tell anybody about. She was used to him running his mouth about anything; this was new and strange, and she didn't quite understand what her father meant. Though, she supposed, Potter rarely opened up about his emotions or things bothering him, at least not to her, unless he was angry. That her father had said he thought Potter believed himself doing others a favour by keeping silent, brushed a memory in her brain, Potter saying he was better seen and not heard. Words she knew well.

When they entered, Aurora immediately had to stop her grandmother from screaming at their apparently-too-loud arrival and then went to drop her trunk in her room and let Stella out, as Hermione went in search of Weasleys and her father to talk to Remus and Dora. Upon reaching her bedroom, however, she was met by Phineas Nigellus sidling into the landscape of Cornwall which she kept on her wall, staring down at her imperiously.

"You should know that the Potter boy is hiding in the attic now."

"Ew. Why?"

Phineas sniffed. "He was going to run away yesterday, you know, until I told him to stay put. I hope you shan't do the same."

"I prefer to run in circles round a pitch."

"I do have an affection for the Potters, you know. My granddaughter Dorea married one, and I thought him quite respectable — just a pity the bloodline wasn't as pure as I'd like, but she was the youngest, you know, and she wanted it, and I could never deny her."

Aurora sighed, glaring at his portrait. "Is there a point to this conversation, Lord Phineas?"

"Oh, yes! The other paintings are all getting rather antsy about him sulking about up there, and he's making a bit of a racket for the fourth floor, what with all the pacing. I suspect he may have thrown something at some point."

If it was anything important, she would kill him, though Aurora didn't suspect Potter would do such a thing and risk incurring her wrath. "I'll go up now," she said with a loud sigh, rolling her eyes. "And get out of my room, please. You're creeping me out a bit, and you don't suit that landscape."

He obliged, and Aurora went wearily up to the attic, where she could just hear somebody rattling about.

She didn't bother knocking before she climbed the narrow steps up into the cold space, and opened the door. Potter was sat huddled on an old mattress, and scowled at her entrance.

"What are you doing here?"

"This is my house, Potter. You are aware of that."

He regarded her with suspicion. "Who sent you?"

"Phineas Nigellus. Apparently you've been pacing. It's quite the crime, and if you don't stop then I'm afraid it might inspire revolt among the paintings."

He didn't seem to find this in the least bit amusing. Aurora closed the door behind her, changing tact.

"My father's worried, but doesn't want to disturb you if you want to be alone. I, however, have no concerns over what you do or do not want, and am merely fulfilling the orders of Phineas Nigellus."

"Right," Potter said tightly. "Thanks." There was a tense moment of tight, bitter annoyance, and Aurora sighed, sitting down on an upturned box.

"Well? Is there a reason you're up here, or are you just that fed up of the Weasleys?"

"I just want away from everyone."

"Come on, you're Harry Potter. You're never without one of your friends." She crossed her legs and sighed, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. "If you don't want to talk to me, fine, but talk to someone. You're not being noble. You are allowed to speak. And you know it takes a lot for me to say that to you, which is how you should know I'm being serious."

He chewed his lip a moment, looking away, and then with a sigh managed to say, "I think I'm the weapon Voldemort's after."

Aurora stared at him, first startling at the use of the name and then stuck on the absurdity of the statement. "No, you're not."

"I am, they were all talking in St. Mungo's when we visited Mr Weasley yesterday. He's after knowledge, everybody's keeping an eye on me, but Dumbledore won't talk to me because he knows I'm dangerous, and… This connection I have to Voldemort in my scar, it's like I am him! I was the snake, Aurora, and they all know it!"

"The — the snake that attacked Arthur?"

"Yes! I saw it in my dream, except it wasn't a dream and… It was me. I was the snake. I attacked him, and when I was with Dumbledore, I was angry with him, I wanted to kill him! Like Voldemort would."

"Sometimes you can just be angry, Potter."

"It wasn't that. That wasn't me. It wasn't me." Denial about one's anger was never a good thing, Aurora felt, but perhaps Potter had a point. "You know a lot about Dark magic, Black. Do you know what could cause this?"

She stared at him, trying to really see him. He was Harry Potter, annoying and reckless and idiotic, and slightly unnerving. "No," she said honestly, "other than the curse — the Killing Curse. But that wouldn't let him in your mind, that doesn't make any sense. It's purely physical. Whatever this is, it's not that. And you're not the weapon," she said firmly, almost too firmly. "I'm sure you're not. It wouldn't make sense."

The weapon was the prophecy her father had told her about, she was sure of it. Potter however, was convinced enough.

"But if I'm in his head, or I can see him, he can see me. What if he can control me? What if I'm possessed?"

"Do you feel possessed?"

"How do I feel possessed?"

She chewed over this and settled on, "I think you'd probably know if you were. Or someone would have noticed. And you couldn't have been possessed, gone to the Ministry of Magic, and gotten back quickly enough in your own body. Plus, you're just not a snake."

"You don't get it, I felt him, I was him! I was the snake and the snake was Voldemort... I'm not crazy!" he snapped to her incredulous look.

"I never said you were," she said coolly. "But someone has to be logical here. I'm sure you're not a weapon." She softened her voice. "But hiding up here, wallowing in your self-hatred and pity, isn't going to make anything better."

"I'm not wallowing, I'm trying to protect everyone!"

"From an imaginary threat," Aurora snapped back. "Don't make this about your saviour complex, Potter, you're not a weapon and you're not a danger and you're certainly not doing any good by being stuck in my attic and making everybody worry about you!"

"If you don't want to listen to me, then leave."

"This is my house, Potter."

"I don't care." He scowled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Well, you should. Potter, I don't actually enjoy seeing you suffer. You've nothing to feel guilty for right now."

"But what if—"

There was a knock from behind them and Aurora turned around, seeing Hermione poke her head into the room."Oh," she said, surprised. "Aurora. You're here."

"Again, this is my house. I was just telling Potter to move his arse and come speak to you all."

"I was going to say the same, except politer." Aurora rolled her eyes. "They've lit a fire in your and Ron's room, and Mrs. Weasley made sandwiches. You should come down."

Potter grumbled, but stood, and threw Aurora a frankly indecipherable look as he followed Hermione downstairs. How Granger made that so easy, and managed to hold a conversation with Potter without losing her mind, Aurora did not understand. Perhaps it was the offer of sandwiches. Potter was often rather food-motivated, come to think of it. A good bribery method that she tucked away for later.

"Aurora and I walked here from King's Cross with Sirius," Hermione said breezily as they headed downstairs, "I decided not to go skiing after all, it isn't really my thing, and I told Mum and Dad everybody stays at Hogwarts for winter break before exams, and they were a bit disappointed, but they want me to do well." Aurora wondered, not for the first time, just how much or how little Hermione's parents actually knew about the danger she and her friends were in. "Dumbledore told us what happened yesterday but we had to wait before setting off, especially with Umbridge so suspicious."

She opened the door, continuing, "Dumbledore did tell her he'd given you all permission to visit Mr. Weasley, since he's in St. Mungo's, but she didn't like that at all."

She sat herself down next to Ginny. Potter sank down next to Ron and Aurora perched awkwardly on the edge of the girls' bed, not wanting to look at anyone and wondering why she had gotten caught up in what already felt like a very uncomfortable conversation, which she by rights should not have to have any involvement in. Still she supposed it was her own fault. Or Phineas's. She preferred to blame him.

"How're you feeling?" Hermione asked Harry, and it was such a redundant question that Aurora had to try very hard not to laugh.

"Fine."

Of course no one could have expected a truthful answer. Aurora sighed.

"Don't lie, Harry," Hermione told him. "Ron and Ginny say you've been hiding from everyone ever since you got back from St. Mungo's."

"They do, do they?"

"Yes," Ginny said boldly, even as her brother stared at his own feet. "Because you have! And you won't look at any of us!"

"It's you lot who won't look at me!"

"Maybe you're all taking it in turns and keep missing each other."

Aurora sighed again, and leaned back.

"You don't have to be here, Black."

"This is my house, Weasley."

"And it's our room."

"In my house. And you were too much of a coward to speak to him, so, now, I have to be here."

"Stop arguing," Potter spat out. "None of you are funny."

"Stop feeling all misunderstood," Hermione told him shortly. "The others have told me what you overheard on the Extendable Ears."

"Yeah? All gossiping about me, are you? Well, I'm getting used to it."

"They weren't gossiping," Aurora told him boredly, "they're concerned about their friend. It's rather touching, actually." It made her somehow jealous, and she hated that — and her inability to understand why.

"We wanted to talk to you, Harry," Ginny said, "but as we said, you've been hiding."

"I didn't want to talk to anyone."

"Well, that's rather stupid of you," Ginny snapped, something changing in her voice, "seeing as you don't know anybody but me who's been possessed by You-Know-Who, and I can tell you how it feels!"

Aurora's head snapped to Ginny, who had said all of this as though it were common knowledge and Potter ought to have thought of it before, and all she could think of was when the fuck had Ginny been possessed by the Dark Lord? A silence followed, and her head spun. Second year, that must have been it. When she had been taken into the chamber of secrets. She must have been possessed, that must have been how she got down there.

"I forgot," Harry said in a small voice as Aurora tried to hide her shock.

"Lucky you."

"I'm sorry… So, do you think I'm being possessed then?"

Aurora kept her mouth shut. It seemed she was not as much of an authority as Ginny. "Well, can you remember everything you've been up to? Or are there big blank periods where you can't remember?"

"No."

"Then You-Know-Who hasn't ever possessed you," Ginny said. "When he did it to me, I couldn't remember what I'd been doing for hours at a time. I'd find myself somewhere and not know how I got there."

Hours at a time. It wasn't just the one incident then. The sickening thought crushed her; Ginny had been possessed all year. She had been made to do all those things in the name of the Heir.

"That dream I had about your dad and the snake, though…"

"You've had visions and things before," Aurora reminded him, feeling rather faint. "In dreams."

"This was different," Harry insisted. "I was the snake. What if it somehow transported me to London?"

"One of these," Hermione said with a long-suffering sigh, "you'll read Hogwarts: A History, and it will remind you that you can't Apparate or Disapparate within the grounds of Hogwarts. Voldemort couldn't just make you fly out of your dorm room, Harry."

"You didn't leave your bed, mate," Ronald told him, voice gentler than Aurora had anticipated. "I saw you thrashing about in your sleep for about a minute before we could wake you up."

"Oh." Harry's frown cleared and his relieved smile spread. Then, he reached across the gap between the beds and tucked into a sandwich, and somehow everybody took this to mean that he was fine again.

Aurora slipped out not long after, on the pretense of needing to unpack. Instead, she headed downstairs to find her father and inform him that Harry was, apparently, alright again, and everything cleared up.

"It was no big deal," she told him, "he only thought he was being possessed by the Dark Lord. And that he's his weapon, but I think that'll be put to bed with the possession argument." She glanced over to the corner of the kitchen where Mrs Weasley was telling Fred and George off for making the spatulas sing Jingle Bells. "Did you know Ginny was possessed by him, once?"

Her father nodded gravely. "Molly told me at the start of summer. She was worried all this might impact her differently and wanted us to be aware."

Aurora fiddled with the hem of her sleeve. "I'd no idea."

"I don't think many people know."

"Still. It must have been an awful experience." She let out a deep sigh, and leaned against her father's shoulder. "When can we start decorating for Christmas? And are we going to go to Arbrus Hill?"

"Dumbledore said he would prefer if Harry was kept in one place for the main period, just in case of a security breach. You can go where you want, but…"

"You want to be here."

"Someone has to be here for the kids while Mrs Weasleys goes back and forth to the hospital. It may as well be me."

"But you're miserable here! You always are! It's not somewhere you want to spend Christmas, and I told Dumbledore I wanted you to be able to be wherever you wanted to and he told me you could!"

But she had made no such comment on Harry's behalf. And of course her father would want to stay with him.

"Harry's best off here. He'll be with his friends, too. I'm sure I can suffer it for a few weeks, for his sake — and yours. As long as I've I've got you around, I'll be fine. I'll find something to smile about. And, I've got plans for some hideous decorations which will really brighten the place up!"

"How hideous?"

"Worse than Snape."

Aurora laughed, and he wound an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her tightly. "I'm still going to make this the best Christmas you've ever had. And, I'm sure the Weasleys will go to St. Mungo's altogether on Christmas Day; the three of us can still head over to Andromeda's, as planned."

"Good," she told him, "but you're going to have to teach me about the rules of Christmas decorations, because I haven't done it before and I don't want to mess it up."

He just laughed, gave her that brilliant fatherly smile as he kissed her affectionately on the forehead. "You could never mess it up, sweetheart. But if you want instructions I'm sure I can draw you up a list. Now, I do want to ask about the Rita Skeeter article I saw a few weeks ago. I assume that's what you were upset about earlier?"

"One of the things," she said with a sigh, glancing uncomfortably. "It's been one hell of a term, and I couldn't possible put it in all in writing. But I don't really want to discuss it in front of everyone, because I know I'm just going to get upset and I don't want them all to see, but I do want to tell you, because I just need to talk to you about it, but I'm almost definitely going to cry, so I need to be... Not in front of other people."

"Of course, sweetheart," he said, putting an arm around her shoulders and gesturing to Molly that they were leaving, "come on, we can go to the front lounge? We've got it all done up and cleared out of cockroaches now."

"Delightful," she murmured, but followed him quietly, past the curtains that hid her grandmother's portrait, and into the cold room that looked out onto the square. Snow fell in soft spirals outside the window now, stark against the dark sky.

She curled up on the sofa as her father closed the door behind them, wondering where on earth she could begin.

"So," her father said, turning to her as he sat down next to her and laid a hand on her shoulder. "That article? It seemed bad enough on its own, but I'm gathering there's more to it than just a few lords giving unwelcome comments?"

"Yeah," she said, already slightly shaky. "I — I don't really know how to start. I mean, you saw Abraxas Malfoy made a comment about me." He nodded. "Well, I think Draco also informed on me to Skeeter."

"Draco did? You're sure?"

"Oh, yes. I am sure. He basically admitted it, to me and to Pansy and Theo, and he's been in contact with her for over a year now, according to Pansy, all behind my back. I think my friendship is well and truly ruined."

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well — I should have seen it coming. Near enough everybody else did, I just didn't want to see any of it. And now he hates me and I thought I was doing the right thing, and I am, and I know I am, but — sorry, I'm probably not making sense, there's just so much going on — and he's furious and he's never going to get over this. I know he just wanted to do anything he could to get back at me."

"Back at you? For what?"

"For stopping being friends with him. And embarrassing him on the Quidditch pitch, apparently. I always knew he was vindictive but I didn't ever think he'd use that against me. And now he has, and I feel awful that I never cared enough before, but... I should go from the start." She took in a deep, steadying breath and gripped the edge of the sofa."

"It's okay," her father said, frowning, "take your time. You don't have to pour everything out if you don't want to."

"No, I do, I have to, I just... It was after our match against Gryffindor. I'm sure Harry told you all about how he got banned. Well, Draco didn't take well to losing; was looking for a fight with Harry and the Weasleys and, though I generally don't like the idea of violence against my cousin, I can't say it was entirely undeserved. It certainly wasn't unprovoked. He said some things about Harry's mother, pertaining to her being of Muggle birth, and insulted the Dursleys, again because they're muggles and, it just wasn't right and I couldn't keep being silent about it, you know? It's not the first time he's said things like that and even if it was it doesn't make it okay, but I confronted him, afterwards, and he called Harry's mother, explicitly, a… Well, that word. And I snapped and then we fought and he was horrible, Dad, he said that I — I'm nothing without his family and I know he's not wrong, in that I wouldn't be who I am now without them but that doesn't mean they can hurt people, it doesn't excuse what his father did, and he — he said about my mother…" She broke off, unable to speak the words to her father, who was staring at her in horror with each unravelling word.

"What did he say, Aurora?"

"I… I don't want to repeat it."

"What did he say?"

"He… Well, he called me a blood traitor, at one point, after I told him not to say what he did about Harry's mother. And then I brought up my mother, and he said that she — that she and Lily deserved to…" The words stuck in her throat like sharp, rough icicles. "To be killed."

Her father's eyes flashed furiously, his face paling. "That bastard! How dare he — does he have any — how did you put up with him?"

"Well I don't anymore!"

"I could fucking kill him—"

"Don't—"

"You just told me he said…" He clenched his jaw, seething, and turned away. Guilt churned in Aurora's gut, at making her father upset, at doing this to him, when she could see the pain the words caused to fall across his face. "What else? I mean, not that that isn't enough for him to get a sock in the jaw—"

"Well he all but said that he thinks I'm lesser than him. That it's always been obv-vious that I'm lesser than h-him and everybody else and that him and his family are the only reason I have any friends and that they've tried to f-fix me, but I can't be fixed! But I don't want to be fixed! I don't know what needs to be fixed!"

"You are not lesser." Her father's voice was grave but furious, lower than she had ever heard it. "Don't you ever, ever allow yourself to believe that. Aurora, you are far better than him, and his family."

"They're my family." Even now she was not sure that she could believe the words; they wobbled on her lips and fell away as she spoke. She knew her father realised. He put an arm round her shoulders and tucked her in to his side, as she let out a small sob. "No, that's not right. I know that now. I thought they were my family, once. But," she said shakily, "it is true. Not that I'm lesser," she continued at her father's outraged look, "but that I do owe my friendships to Draco. I owe half my childhood to his family. That's not something that can be ignored. Merlin knows none of the rest of society can ignore it. Everybody — Lucille and Daphne and Millie and all my friends, they're all on Draco's side, everyone but Theo and Pansy, and even Pansy, I don't really know where she stands, and if push comes to shove she'll choose him over me because she has to. Which is obvious, it's not unexpected, but…"

"It's ridiculous. It's fucking ridiculous, the way that whole sorry show of a society works!" His hand slammed against the edge of the table and Aurora flinched. "So he's just turned them all against you, has he? And trotted off to the press with a story. Merlin, I knew this family was fucked."

"They're all doing what they have to, even though it's wrong, I can't ask anything else—"

"So none of them have stuck by you? Not even Pansy?"

"Pansy… She is on my side, after the article, but, she has to still be friends with Draco. I mean they're basically betrothed, their parents are too close friends, it would endanger her family."

"Oh, and she doesn't care about you being her friend, then?"

"She does care, but I've told her too, I can't keep on like this! I can't be her friend when I'm always going to be second best, I don't want things to continue like this but she's been my best friend for years and I — I'm scared to lose her, like I was scared to lose Draco. But I have to, I know I do, I just… I don't know how to be brave that way. I'm not brave. I just want everyone to be on my side, I want things to be simple, and they're not, and I can't control it." That loss of control terrified her more than anything, a terror that burrowed beneath her skin.

"You are brave," her father said after a moment's pause, turning to face her again. "And I'm sorry for shouting, just then. I shouldn't have. I'm not angry with you, I promise. You've done the right thing, despite everything. I'm not going to say that you not standing up to Draco earlier, or turning a blind eye, was right. But I think you know yourself, you had to stand up to him and call him out." Her lip wobbled treacherously, guilt and shame burrowing into her chest. He might say she was brave, but it didn't feel like he thought it. She told herself it didn't matter, but it did.

"I know that I should have said something to Draco sooner. It's true what he said, I needed him. I didn't… Up until I came to Hogwarts, I didn't know hardly anyone. Draco was the first child my age that I ever met, or at least that I can remember meeting. I was five at that point. I didn't meet Pansy until almost a year later, and only briefly met other children when I lived with Arcturus. Theo, Daphne Greengrass, Azias Carrow… Always with their parents, always briefly, and for so long all I had was Draco and whoever he introduced me to. I don't know who I am if I'm not his friend. Clearly, to the rest of the world, I am very little."

"Not the rest of the world," her dad reminded her, rubbing her shoulder. "A very small, very cruel bubble."

"It doesn't feel like that." She blinked, wiping away tears from her eyes. "It's a very loud bubble."

"I know," he said softly, putting an arm around her. He stroked her shoulder gently as he said, "I didn't realise just how few people you knew."

"Yeah. Grandmother wasn't really big on socialisation. Arcturus liked to show me off, but she… Well, she didn't get out much either. I really thought it was fine. I felt fine. I was happy. I read and I entertained myself. It wasn't so bad, I just feel it now, I feel like I don't know where my own place is. I'm not certain that I have one, really."

"You'll find it, Aurora," he said softly, pulling her into his arms, so that she could lean on him. It was soothing; she was warm in her father's arm, and somehow, felt a sense of great relief and clarity wash over her. She was safe. She was understood, and loved no matter what, and that wrenched her heart even more. "You've taken the first step," he told her. "But I know it hurts. Losing people like that, people you cared about, because they don't care enough to stay or to question themselves when you call them out."

She swallowed tightly, nodding as tears fell over her cheeks. "It's not everyone. I have Gwen, and Robin, and Leah MacMillan. And Theo."

"Theodore Nott?" There was a worried edge to her father's voice.

"Yeah. He's been a really good friend through all this actually."

"The one who's father's a Death Eater?"

"Yes, but Theo's different. He doesn't care what his father thinks, or his grandfather, he just cares about me, and he's made it very clear whose side he's on. He's… One of my best friends."

There was a moment's pause, before her father said, "Right."

"He is. I mean it, I really, really trust him. He just gets me, you know, and I him. Don't judge him, Dad, please."

Another long pause. "I'm not judging him."

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, "for crying, I just, I've felt so lonely and apart from Theo I haven't really had anyone I can open up to, and I know it's foolish to feel alone and act as though I need Draco and Pansy and Draco's family. I mean, I have you and Andromeda and Dora and Ted and everyone, and Gwen and Robin and Theo and maybe Leah and I — I know I have so much and I'm lucky to have these people but, I guess I always held out some sort of hope that I'd be accepted, that'd I'd be okay, I'd be able to live up to everything that…" That he and Regulus couldn't. The legacy she had been brought up to repair. "That Grandmother and Lucretia and Arcturus and Narcissa tried to make me. But I also don't want to, and I just, I don't know what that makes me, Dad. I'm not anything and I don't know who I am or who I want to be, and all my friends are talking about what they want to do after school because we have O.W.L.s and have to choose our N.E.W.T. subject and I don't have a choice! I'm just what I was made to be.

"There's so much I have to do and I can't do anything. I can't change myself and I certainly can't change Draco and I've tried, I've tried to take the high road and talk to him but it's impossible and I — people should be able to change! People should be able to listen! But no one ever listens to me! I don't ever listen to me! You know before this year I never even thought about what I would do with my life if I wasn't Lady Black! Would I be a healer or Auror or Arithmancy or would I study runes, would I deal in antiques and history and the things I love? Would I even love those things if I had a different life? And I just — I'm not in control of anything!

"And I — I'm scared." This she admitted in a very small voice, pulled down from the high terror the rest surged with. "I guess I thought things with Draco were salvageable and they're not now, not like they've been before. And I don't really know what I was hanging onto, or why, just… What I thought that I should do. Cause I don't know anything else.

"I'm trying, I want to try, but…"

"Try what?" her father asked and she couldn't even come up with an answer to that. Tears streaming down her face, she curled her knees to her chest, and curled deeper into her father, who held her so tightly it made her want to cry even more, because she didn't know what she had done to deserve this love.

"Aurora," he told her gently, rocking her, "I promise you, no one knows who they are at sixteen. Not even the ones who say they do. I didn't. And I don't always like who I was at sixteen. I didn't know who I was going to be either, or who I wanted to be."

"Well, that's different."

"How is it different?"

"You had time to figure it out! You had space to be you, and be loved for it!"

"You're always loved, Aurora."

"Not there! Not in Hogwarts! I know I have people there who care for me but I rarely feel it, I always feel alone, and I know part of that's my own fault I just don't know how to — to fix myself!"

Her father stroked her hair gently, letting her lean into him as she cried. "I've fallen out with Draco before," she said. "We're family, it's what we do, and this… I guess it's been building for a while. Forever, maybe.

"But this time's different. This time, I don't want us to make up and be friends again. If anything I want things to go back to the way they were before, but I mean way before, years ago, but I was ignorant back then, and I don't really want to go back to the person that I was even three years ago. I don't even want to go back to the person I was three months ago. And even if things went back to normal, I think we'd still end up here, months or years later, and I think it's inevitable. He'll never change, and I've changed too much to let myself keep trying to be the one to make him change. I just wish it wasn't like this."

"But he's… He's always been this person, that I don't like now, and never always entirely liked, I just chose to ignore those parts of him. Because I was just so desperate to pretend that…" Her lip wobbled. She couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't admit that she didn't know if Draco had ever really loved her, if he could hurt her like this. She had spent years pretending she fit their perfect picture and mold. Now she didn't even want to, and she felt sick at her own past.

Her father squeezed her hand tightly, fingers curling around hers. "People can be both good and bad, Aurora. It's okay to love the people you grew up with, and hate the things that they stand for, and it's okay to wish things hadn't been that way. It doesn't make you bad."

"I don't want to be friends with him again," Aurora said, "just like I don't want to pretend to be pureblood, and I don't want to hear my grandmother's voice and I don't want to play nice with people who would have others killed because of who their parents are. I just wish none of it had to be this way."

"So do I," he told her, voice still so heartbreaking and gentle. Aurora didn't understand what she had done to make him just accept her, that she didn't really have to justify herself to him at all; that he heard what she had to say and loved her for every word. "But you're doing the right thing, you're learning, and I have so much faith in you, Aurora. It's going to be okay — you're going to be okay. And I'm so, so sorry that you couldn't tell me, that I couldn't be there. You deserve to have someone who can support you, Aurora. More than one person, you deserve the entire world, okay? I love you, no matter what."

"I know," she said, voice coming out in a wail. "That makes it worse. No one — no one just let me be who I'm discovering myself to be! And I don't deserve it, I've failed, and I've not always been good. If I hadn't met you, if I hadn't lived with the Tonkses, I don't know who I would be, or who I'd want to be."

He pulled her closer, and she wrapped her arms firmly around him, glad to have something to hold onto. "I love you," he told her again, "I love you, more than anything in this world, and I love you absolutely unconditionally, alright? I've loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you when you were a baby and I loved you throughout Azkaban and I loved you when I met you again and you hated me more than anything, and I loved you since and I love you know and I will never stop loving you, Aurora, never, ever. I love when you smile and when you cry and when you scream, and I love you even when you're not sure who you are. Love... Love isn't something that should be taken back in single moments, and it isn't snatched away as a punishment, or threatened to be lost. It just is. I'll always love you. And I also know you, and I know that you are becoming a wonderful, kind, brave young woman, and I am so, so proud to call you my daughter, okay? I have faith in you. And I'm so excited to see who you discover yourself to be. And anyone who isn't, isn't worth seeing that wonderful person anyway."

She sniffled, nodding, trying to wrap her head around everything, trying to allow herself to be okay. "I don't know what I'm going to do when I go back to Hogwarts. I don't know what I think or what I feel and I'm all over the place in general — I mean I snogged Blaise Zabini, for Merlin's sake, and I don't even really know why, I just did it!" she blurted out, crying again, and if she had had the emotional capacity for amusement she would have noted how that was the thing that really shocked her father, "I don't know why, I don't even like him, I just had to do something and I knew it'd piss Draco off! And I want to do something, I'm restless, I want to fight, I want to do anything I can, I just don't know what! Harry has this defence club and I said I wouldn't join because the risk is too high, but I want to! Because of the risk, because maybe it's worth it, because I have to and because I'm angry that Umbridge made it necessary in the first place! And I feel like I'm being really, really stupid, but I'm fed up of trying to be clever and failing anyway."

"You're a teenager, Aurora. Though I will say I really don't need to hear my daughter say the word snogged." She laughed weakly, wetly. "It'll be alright," he whispered, "I promise. You're sixteen, sweetheart. You have time. You're going to fail, you're going to reckon with yourself, you're going to question yourself and the world around you. That's normal. That's just part of growing up. Do what you wanna do, take whatever risk you wanna take, and I will love you, and I will love watching whatever you unleash upon the world."

Aurora swallowed tightly, drying her eyes. "I know. I know you do, you will. I just... It's been difficult."

"I know. And I wish I could do more. But I believe in you. You're strong, Aurora, more than you know. And it's not forever. Things will turn around. And, for now, we have the whole holidays to spend together, to figure out whatever you need to figure out." He pushed her hair back behind her ears and cupped her cheek, smiling. "Chin up, sweets. It's going to be okay. I promise."