One Piece: Strawhat Theater
"Our Mrs. Monkey"
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.
Kuraigana Island - Two Years Ago
Perona hadn't stopped glaring from the moment Mihawk had carried him into the castle and dumped him onto her bed. Hadn't stopped grumbling under her breath, even as she patched him up and wrapped bandages and applied pressure.
"Stupid moron!" She growled, glaring at him, "It's only been a few weeks and you're still pushing yourself this hard?!"
"He's the greatest swordsman in the world," Zoro bit back, glaring back at her, "The only way to survive training is going all out."
"You don't have to go this hard!"
"I've had worse."
"YOU LOST AN EYE!" Perona screeched, making Zoro wince.
"It's not lost. It's still in my head. Just can't see with it anymore."
"What makes you think you'll still be able to achieve your stupid dream with just one eye?!"
"I have to. I made a promise."
Perona paused in her rant at the quiet, firm tone of his voice. She shook her head in disbelief, but her words were quiet.
"What-What kind of promise?"
"A promise to a friend... And a promise to my captain," Zoro said, "That I would never... Ever... Lose again."
He let out a long breath.
"I broke that promise. I was defeated on Saobody. I can't... I can't break that promise again-"
"You were up against Kuma, you were going to break that promise ANYWAY!" Perona hissed. "Look, you're strong, you're really strong, but there were only two ways that fight would have ended! Either you lost and were still alive... Or you lost and died."
Zoro slowly shook his head.
"Still no excuse-"
"It's not an excuse, it's fact!" Perona snarled. Zoro snorted.
"What do you care?"
"I..." Perona growled. "Because we're living together and-and I don't want to be left on this creepy island with just Mihawk! He's weird!"
"Really?"
"YES REALLY! IT'S NOT LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOU OR WORRY ABOUT YOU OR-OR ANYTHING!"
Zoro stared intensely at her, his working eye narrowed.
"I didn't ask you to care or worry about me!"
"WELL TOO BAD! I DO! YOU STUPID JERK!"
"BRAT!"
"ASSHOLE!"
"BITCH!"
"MORON!"
"IDIOT!"
Perona didn't know who moved forward to kiss who first, but a moment later they were embracing and devouring eachother's mouths and tearing off clothes like it was their last day on Earth.
Much later... Perona sighed softly as she cuddled up against her husband, naked as the day she was born. He was nude save for his bandages, and held her tightly.
"Hnnn..." Persona nuzzled his neck. "Stupid jerk..."
"Nag," Zoro muttered back, almost fondly.
The door opened. Perona squeaked and tried to pull the covers up over her body. Mihawk glared into the room for a moment or two... Before he tossed Perona a bottle.
"Ah?"
She caught it.
"What's this?" She asked.
"Birth control," Mihawk stated.
Perona went bright red. Zoro continued to stare. Mihawk raised a solitary eyebrow.
"Having a child would be a distraction from your training, Zoro. I'm not a babysitter. Training resumes tomorrow."
Zoro nodded.
"Understood."
Mihawk closed the door. Perona blinked.
"Wha... What was that?"
"I think he approves."
Perona blushed even harder.
"Bastard!"
"Witch!"
They started kissing again.
Mihawk went to his sanctum within a sanctum. He looked over the many photos and wanted posters all over the walls. With grave ceremony, he held up a red marker. He drew a heart around Perona and Zoro's posters, and nodded in satisfaction.
"Another happy couple," he said. He took in the vast number of posters and pictures left, "But still... So much left to do."
Omake: In the Present
In the New World...
The island was known as Masnomenos, but other than a somewhat interesting name, it had nothing going for it. It was a summer island, so farmers cultivated the lands and send their produce on ships to make money. There were a few forests and mountains, but nothing extraordinary. The most interesting wildlife were some large birds the locals used for riding and for food. They came in many colors, were bad-tempered, and they stank.
Of course Hogback loved them, and was even now dissecting one of them in the lab he'd set up in the basement of this old manor Moria Gecko had taken refuge in with his surviving crew. Absalom was monitoring the den-den mushi for news, while Moria meditated and practiced with his shadows.
To have been humiliated by a rookie at first was one thing. He had lost his ship, and his dear Perona, but his crew had survived. And Strawhat had paid the price for his assumption, his youthful arrogance.
A fellow Warlord of the Sea trying to kill him because he wasn't strong enough?! That was quite another.
Moria Gecko was many things, perhaps as many as half of them by his own admission. One thing he wasn't though was a quitter. And so, he focused on his shadows, trying to summon forth his will to manifest them in stronger, more powerful forms. His eyes narrowed.
He had heard of Haki. Unlocking it for himself was still a challenge. He'd managed Observation Haki-His shadow manipulation made it relatively easy. But anything stronger was taking time.
An unacceptable amount of time, in his estimation.
"Boss!" Absalom called from the first floor, "Come quick! It's Perona!"
Moria started and stood up. It was a challenge to move within this small house that was designed for normal-sized people, not those of his stature-but he managed to scramble down the stairs and into the main room, where the ceilings were at least high enough for him to stand.
Absalom pointed at an AV Den-Den Mushi, projecting an image on a nearby screen. Moria's jaw dropped as he beheld Perona, sitting on a couch opposite Buggy the Clown.
"She uh, she grew up pretty nice over the past few years," Absalom observed. Moria turned an evil eye towards the lion-faced man, and Absalom coughed.
"J-Just saying!"
"Turn up the volume!" Moria growled, and Absalom complied.
"... Mihawk said we couldn't live there in sin, so we had to get married."
"You and Mihawk-?"
"NO! Me and Zoro!"
"WHAT," Moria cried, his large eyes focusing on the ring that now adorned his beloved Perona's finger.
"SHE GOT MARRIED?!" Absalom gasped. "Wait, Zoro... Rorona Zoro? That guy who fought the zombie samurai-?"
"A MEMBER OF STRAWHAT'S CREW?!" Moria bellowed, slamming down a fist and smashing an old table to pieces. "THE NERVE! THE GALL! THAT SWORDSMAN SEDUCED MY PRECIOUS PERONA!"
"Uh, boss," Absalom said, "Sounds more like Mihawk made them get married-"
"I DON'T CARE!" Moria howled, throwing his arms up and scratching at the ceiling in his fury, "THAT GREEN-HAIRED BASTARD DEFILED MY PRECIOUS PERONA! MY SWEET, INNOCENT PERONA!"
"I don't think she was any of those things," Absalom commented.
"Certainly not now, Fossfossfossfoss!" Hogback added as he entered the room washing his hands.
Moria had his shadow smack both of them. He focused intently on the last part of the stream, as his beloved daughter in all but blood smiled lovingly at the camera. She was speaking to her husband directly, it seemed.
"Hey Honey. Heard you did great at Fishman Island! Good job! I can't wait for you to write me all about it! Also, I heard Strawhat and that orange haired wife of his had a baby."
She scowled out at the world.
"You'd better not hold back next time we meet. Babies are cute! AND I WANT ONE!"
"Wow! She wants him to put a bun in her oven?!" Absalom gasped.
"Isn't that something you're into, fossfossfoss," Hogback asked, rubbing the back of his head.
Absalom shrugged.
"Ehhh... Depends on the doujin, film, or magazine..."
He trailed off as he looked at Moria, who was staring at the screen.
"Boss?"
"That... THAT BASTARD MARRIED MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PERONA, AND LEFT HER BEHIND WITHOUT MAKING ME ANY GRANDCHILDREN?!" Moria roared. He smashed another coffee table.
"THAT DOES IT! We're gonna find this Zoro guy, and make sure he's doing right by my precious Perona!" He declared. "AND IF HE ISN'T, I'LL HAVE HIS SHADOW FOR BREAKFAST AND HIS SOUL FOR DINNER!"
"But Boss, they're deep in the New World by now," Absalom pointed out, "How are we supposed to find him?"
"He's a member of the Strawhat Pirates!" Moria growled. "HE'S NOT GONNA BE HARD TO FIND!"
"Umm," Abalsom held up his hand, "You know, maybe I would be more useful finding Perona? And helping her get to her husband? I-I'm just saying, I did... Kind of... Sort of-"
"Try to abduct and marry Strawhat's wife against her will, YES Absalom," Moria growled, "I became well aware of that WHEN HALF MY CASTLE WENT FLYING INTO THE SEA."
"... So I can go after Perona?"
"YES."
"Oh thank God," Absalom breathed.
"Hogback? You're going to help me track down that Strawhat bastard," Moria declared. "AND HE'D BETTER BE A GOOD HOST FOR HIS IN-LAWS, DAMNIT!"
"Wait," Hogback started, "This isn't all just because we have no place to go, is it?"
"OF COURSE IT ISN'T!" Moria roared, slapping his subordinates with his shadow again, "I WANT MY BABY GIRL TO BE HAPPY AND GIVE ME GRANDKIDS!"
He paused.
"Confidentially though... Yes. But if you even imply that's the case, I'm going to do things to you I didn't even do to the zombies."
He grabbed their last coffee table and broke it in two with an evil glower.
"Is that clear?"
"Crystal!" His subordinates cried, very quickly.