A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. My muse and I both appreciate it. This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if you all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up before too long.

And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!

***This chapter starts the second "part" of the story***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!

"What you know today can affect what you do tomorrow. But what you know today cannot affect what you did yesterday." ~ Condoleezza Rice

"There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice." ~ Simon Sinek
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Chapter 21

As I finish getting ready in the bathroom and consider what to wear today, I'm struck with just how different today is starting out compared to yesterday. Yesterday morning I was in another state, in a dreary hotel room waiting to get the final piece of the puzzle to help catch yet another serial killer; one that I could unfortunately relate to better than I would care to admit to anyone else. He was seeking answers to what happened after you died, given the brief, but still bleak, glimpse of the afterlife he had previously been given. I completely understand that, given my own personal preview of the afterlife.

I also believed, with everything in me, that I had zero chance of any kind of a relationship with JJ. Now, standing in front of the mirror, as I finish trying to get somewhat presentable to the general public, JJ has said that she wants a future with me. I really want to believe her…I truly do. Maybe it's the cynical side of me, or just the realistic one…but I just know that somewhere out there another shoe will drop or someone is just waiting to pull that rug out from under me and steal this brief glimpse of potential happiness away from me. That's what always happens.

I learned a long time ago to not rely on promises of future happiness, but to try and be realistic with my expectations. It keeps me from being hurt as often…not that I'm still not hurt. I would love nothing more than to believe that JJ is all in…truly and completely invested in a relationship with me…that nothing I say or do would scare her away…but I still have too many secrets that could ruin it for us before we ever start. Being cautious and just seeing how things go from here, without getting my hopes up too much is probably for the best.

Seeing that she reacted well to my scars was a good start…though I wish she didn't have so many of her own. I know that was part of the reason she understood why I was so reluctant to share mine with her…but my heart breaks for her…realizing that she must've been through something traumatic and I wasn't around to help her through it…even as a friend…since I was too busy dealing with the aftermath of everything with Ian.

My secrets and the fallout from them always seems to either directly impact those I care about…or they prevent me from being able to be there for those I care about when they really need me. Yet another reason why I often believe that I'm completely useless and those around me would be better off without me in the long run. When I am actually needed…I'm not around…for whatever reason. In any case, JJ seemed to at least try to understand and she didn't run away from me when she saw how damaged I was…at least on the outside.

Unfortunately the damage on the inside is so much worse…and that's why I have to be so cautious. I tried to explain to her how broken I was…though I don't think she truly grasps how serious the damage really is…or that it will take a series of miracles and then some to get me back to a somewhat normal…functioning human being. It was sweet of her to think she can…or that she says she's willing to try.

My concern is that I'll bring her down with me…or she'll get hurt trying to save me. I won't let that happen. If it takes me walking away from her…from this life…or from life in general to keep her safe and away from harm…then that's what I will do. I won't let her get hurt because of me.

I shake my head clear of those thoughts as I make my way out of my bathroom, and start to pick out my clothes for the day, almost absent-mindedly. I realize after I've set everything out that I have chosen an all-black outfit; black jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt with a small V-neck pattern, and my normal black boots. Guess I'm going for the Johnny Cash look today…though it's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last.

I tend to favor black…whether that is to hide my scars or just because it reflects my inner mood so often. Either way, it seems to suit me and I do think I look better in it…that or red. My closet is filled with both colors…the colors of death and blood. Others compliment me when I wear either of them. I almost laugh internally when they do. If they knew the reasons for those color choices they would be aghast to say the least. My dark, somewhat subconscious thoughts viewed externally…even if somewhat briefly by those closest to me, but still misinterpreted…like so much of my life. Outward appearances can be so deceiving.

I attach my extra holster with my 9mm handgun to my ankle…a precaution I started adopting once I was informed of Lucas being released. I add a small silver necklace and some silver earrings to offset the stark black outfit. I realize that I have left my other gun and badge downstairs, along with my phone…apparently. Hopefully I haven't missed any important calls during the night.

I reach for the tablet in the nightstand to double check the security footage quickly before heading downstairs…just to ensure that Lucas hasn't made an appearance while I was away. I quickly glance over the footage and confirm that nothing looks out of the ordinary, though I'm sure Garcia or one of her "tech friends" would've told me if Lucas had shown up. I quickly put the tablet back in the nightstand and grab my black leather jacket as I make my way downstairs.

I stop to hover at the top of the landing as I see JJ slowly making her way around my kitchen island. Even dressed casually like she is this morning…dark blue jeans and white shirt with a blue and white flannel shirt covering it…she still looks stunning.

I realize that it feels right seeing her in my home. I wish that I could wake up holding her every morning…seeing those bright blue eyes looking back at me…but I quickly shake off that feeling. If I get too far ahead of myself now, I know I'm only setting myself up to get hurt if things go badly again.

I make my way down the stairs quietly and walk up behind her…snaking my arms around her waist and pulling her into me…pressing a soft kiss on the side of her neck.

"Hey…is that for me?" I softly whisper as I reach for the coffee she has set out for me.

She turns in my arms and smiles brightly, leaning up just slightly to kiss me gently as she replies "Me or the coffee?"

"Both" I reply with a slight smirk. Flirting like this…first thing in the morning feels right…and it helps to take away some of the tension from earlier.

I watch as she leans back slightly and her smile widens even further. I can't help but ask "so…what's that smile for?"

"I love it when you wear all black Em…though you do kind of remind me of Johnny Cash. All sexy…dark…mysterious" she replies with a seductive smile.

I let out a soft chuckle as I respond "Funny enough…I was thinking the same thing a few minutes ago. The Johnny Cash part…not the rest it."

"Well the rest definitely applies too." She replies with a smile as she sips her coffee…a soft, low moan escaping her lips as she drinks. "Where did you find this coffee Em? It's heavenly."

"Uhhmmm…the store" I reply with a smirk.

"No shit…I didn't figure you had a coffee plantation in your closet. I meant which store?" JJ laughs as she replies.

I laugh softly as I reply "It's just this little specialty store I go to once in a while…it's not too far from the grocery store and pharmacy I use. I know the owner pretty well now. We can go there if you want."

"Absolutely. I definitely want to pick some of this up. Maybe we can sneak it into the BAU or at least on the jet…I know the guys would definitely appreciate the upgrade."

"Sure…shouldn't be a problem." I reply…noticing JJ writing down something on a list in front of her "Whatcha writing there JJ?"

"A list of the places we need to go today and what we need to pick up at each place. I don't want to forget anything you might need. Let's see, we've got the grocery store…the pharmacy…now the coffee place you mentioned…I have some dry cleaning to pick up…I hope you don't mind…and wherever you want to go for breakfast. Why don't you take a look at the list and see if you want to add anything to it." JJ says as she slides the list over to me.

I glance over the list and notice that it seems to have everything on it…tons of food, which she apparently thinks I need, medical supplies…which she now knows I need…even if I wish she didn't.

I have a couple of other places I need to go…but she won't be able to go there with me. I'll have to figure out a way to either reschedule those or convince her to go home for a little while.

"Anything you want to add to the list?"

"I think you have more than enough on here JJ. You have enough food on this list to feed an army." I jokingly reply.

"Em…you realize you don't have any food…I mean none at all. What's on that list really isn't that much. I was actually thinking of a few more things I wanted to add…maybe when we get to the store we can just see what else looks good." JJ states firmly.

I glance back up to make a comment about her list and notice that she didn't actually finish getting ready this morning. Her hair is still in somewhat of a tangled mess…like she jumped out of the shower and just ran a towel over it to try and dry it…and she isn't wearing any shoes…which she'll obviously need before we leave. I decide to bring it up since it seems as though she's finishing things up in an attempt to get ready to leave.

"Hey JJ…you can finish getting ready while I clean up down here."

"What do you mean?" JJ asks…confusion clouding her eyes.

I chuckle softly…realizing she has no idea what I'm talking about. "Sweetie…you're beautiful exactly how you are…but I'm guessing you were trying to rush back to my room and forgot to finish fixing your hair this morning…plus you'll probably want to put some shoes on before we leave."

I watch as JJ attempts to run her fingers through her hair as she walks towards the mirror in the hallway. "Shit! I've never done that before. Let me run upstairs and fix my hair and throw my boots on and then we can leave. In the meantime…maybe you can figure out where you want to go for breakfast."

I softly chuckle as I watch her start to rush up the stairs…coming to a stop halfway to the top. "Oh…I almost forgot to mention…your phone was ringing earlier. I missed the call but it looks like you may have had a couple of missed calls last night. I didn't have any…so I'm pretty sure it's nothing work related…probably just a wrong number or some telemarketer with really bad timing. Anyway…your phone is next to your badge and gun on the counter over there" JJ says as she points in their general direction. "I'll be back down in a minute."

I watch her run upstairs and towards the guest bathroom as I make my way towards my phone. I look at the call log and my heart skips a beat. It wasn't a wrong number or a telemarketer that called several times during the night. I know exactly who it was that was trying to call me…someone that wouldn't have tried to call in the middle of the night unless it was an emergency…especially not 6 times. Something must be wrong. I have a sinking feeling that my thought from earlier…the one where the other shoe was going to drop…or someone would pull the rug out from under me…where my potential for future happiness is brought to a screeching halt…is about to happen.

With a lump in my throat the size of baseball, I quietly move towards the other side of my condo in the hopes that my conversation won't be overheard by JJ if she happens to come downstairs. I try to slow down my rapidly beating heart and calm down…realizing that my palms are starting to sweat. Wiping my palms on the legs of my jeans, I open my phone and take a deep breath, before I start to return the call. Just as I'm starting to dial the familiar number, my phone rings and I see "SP" on the screen. This makes the seventh time they've called. Something is definitely wrong. I answer quickly…hoping JJ didn't hear it ring.

"What's going on? What wrong?" I rush out.

"Hello Mia…finally decide to wake up and answer your phone?" The eerily calm voice responds.

Oh My God….Lucas. No…no, no, no, no…this can't be happening. My heart completely stops…and all of a sudden I feel all of the breath in my body completely leave. I feel like I'm going to pass out. Why is he calling from her phone! What's going on?

"Lucas…you fucking bastard! What have you done? Where are you? Where's Summer?" I angrily reply as quietly as possible.

"Still as fiery as I remember." Another eerily calm reply.

"Dammit Lucas! I'm not fucking around here. If you've done anything to Summer…I'll…"

"You'll what dear? In case it's not clear to you yet…I'm calling the shots now…not you. I thought it was about time the three of us got together…we have a lot to talk about. And since your place is too restrictive…what with all of the surveillance and whatnot…I had to get creative. As for Summer…she's fine…for now. I'll give you an hour to get to the park…where we had our last…visit. There's a building just north of there…we'll both be waiting for you. Oh…and don't bother trying to bring in any cops or your Agent friends…if you do…well…let's just say you won't like the outcome."

"Just let her go dammit! This is between me and you…she has nothing to do with this! It's me you want…not her. I'll meet you anywhere you want…just LET HER GO!" I plead.

"Nope…sorry Mia. Summer is a part of this now. You brought her into this with the choices you made…choices we need to talk about in person."

"How do I know you haven't already hurt her or that she's even there with you? Put her on the phone so I know she's okay."

"Now why would I do that? So you can try and trick me or something…I don't think so." Lucas replies calmly.

"No…no tricks. But why would I trust you after everything you've done. I'll meet you…but not unless I know for sure that she's there with you and that she's okay."

"Fine…but I'm putting it on speakerphone…so don't try anything stupid." Lucas calmly states. "Ok…say something Summer…so Mia knows you're here."

"Summer…can you hear me? Are you okay?" I quickly ask.

"Yeah…I'm here…I'm okay…what's going on…who is this guy? Is it who I think it is?" Summer asks…fear tinting her voice.

"Yeah…but don't worry…I'm coming…nothing bad is gonna happen to you…okay…I'll be there as soon as I can…just hang on until I get there….I love you sweetie." I reply.

I hear Summer reply "I love you too" just as the phone switches back off of speakerphone and Lucas comes back on the line. "One hour Mia…and no cops or Agents with you…got it?"

"Yeah, I got it…no cops or Agents…I'll come alone. But just so we're clear…if you hurt her…I will fucking kill you." I reply…venom dripping from every word.

"Ooooohhhh…I can't wait to see that fiery spirit in person again." Lucas coos as the phone disconnects.

I shove the phone in my pocket and spin around to walk back into the kitchen. I need to grab my badge, gun, and car keys. I only have an hour to get to that damn park…the one I never wanted to see again. I stop short though as I look up and see JJ staring back at me.

Shit! Now what am I going to do?

I realize that she must've heard at least part of my conversation based on the look on her face…just how much, I have no idea.

Unfortunately…now isn't the time to go into it with her. Just another one of my secrets that seems to have spilled out of its compartment…and right now…I don't have time to worry about how this might impact me and JJ…or explain any of it to her…I have to make sure Summer is ok.

I know it won't be easy getting out of this condo without JJ trying to stop me or come with me…but I won't put her in danger too…Summer is already in danger…I refuse to put JJ in the middle of this mess too! I just have to figure out a way to get my stuff and get out of here before she can stop me. I knew that someone would pull the rug out from under me and steal my happiness away this morning…I just had no idea that bastard Lucas would be the one to do it.