A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. My muse and I both appreciate it. This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if you all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up before too long.

And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!

***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!

"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams." ~ Jeremy Irons

"You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories." ~ Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
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Chapter 32

The first thing I noticed when I opened the file was that this was unlike any normal file I'd ever seen. It wasn't just filled with papers or contents that could simply be read through and filed away. It was as if opening this file was opening a window to my past…a past that contained a story…my story. The label inside this folder...the one that had "The Truth about Mom and Dad" on the front of it…had the words 'Memories…ongoing' written on it…as well as "(see other files for more specific details pertaining to certain events)".

Inside the first file, I catch the first glimpse of a memory of my past. It provides me with a clue that going through these files won't be as easy as simply reading bland list of facts, but instead reading…or reliving…a long personal narrative.

Everyone on the team picked on me for how picky I am about my case files…guess I'm just as picky with the way I file things away in my mind too. I guess that means it should be easier to keep track of the files, or why it was so difficult to "file" things away when my mind started racing. I must have been looking for where to file something away…or looking for the right place to file something. The problem is now…it means it could take longer to find that map Matthew was talking about.

Just when I thought my perfectionist…controlling nature would be an asset…it bites me in the ass. More damn files to sort through. Who knew I'd need a map to find my way out of my own mind? Oh well…guess I might as well start reading and see where this story starts so I know what I'm working with here.

I start reading the first few lines and it hits me…this story…or I guess memory…starts right after another one of those awful parties my parents would have, where I would paraded around like a show pony for their friends, other wealthy socialites and aristocrats, as well as well-connected politicians.

My mother would hire someone to make sure I was dressed appropriately before any function and knew what to say to any dignitaries or special guests that would be attending, to ensure she would not be embarrassed by some incorrect comment I made to anyone attending.

Otherwise, it was always my "job" to be polite, well-mannered, and blend into the background unless someone asked me a direct question. My parents and I would smile for a proper photograph which would appear somewhere in the local society news, sit down for a much too formal dinner, and then I would be excused.

When I was finally excused, so that my parents could be rid of me and spend time with those they were actually interested in spending time with, I could either spend time with other children of those attending or to return to my room and do homework. That way…the adults could attend to more formal business and I would be out of the way…since I had already put in my obligatory appearance as the well-behaved daughter…and my parents made it appear to those around them as well-rounded, loving, thoughtful parents.

On this particular night, none of my friends (those that also had family that were dignitaries, ambassadors, or socialites like Matthew or John) weren't going to be there, but someone else was…the person that I was looking forward to seeing was my language teacher Lauren.

When my parents had moved to Italy a year or so prior, it was expected that I learn Italian, which I had (among keeping up with all of the other languages I had already learned prior to moving to Italy). The problem was that my parents felt I needed to learn even more languages as another move was imminent, and being fluent in the next language was vital to fitting in at my mother's next posting.

Unfortunately, my mother wasn't sure if she would be posted in Russia, somewhere in the Middle East, or in Greece, so it was decided (by my parents…not me)…that a Language teacher was needed to help me learn all of the languages I might need.

Lauren was hired to help me learn all of them, as she was fluent in all of those languages as well as English, and her family was looking to make a good impression on my parents Lauren's family were what my parents called "new money" and they were looking to make a good impression on my parents…as well as climb the social and political ladders.

Other than one housekeeper my parents employed a few years earlier, Isabella, and some of the kitchen staff, I had never really been close to any of the staff my parents employed. Most did their jobs but didn't interact with me at all…other than on my birthday, graduations, or holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas when they would bring me dinner or a present…with a note from one or both of my parents saying they were sorry they weren't there…but they had important business to attend to.

Whichever unfortunate staff member brought the food or gift always looked sad…but they usually left in a hurry. They were probably afraid I would start crying or something. I stopped crying when my parents stopped showing up for important events around the time I turned six or seven. I realized by that time they simply would not be there and birthdays and holidays just weren't important.

Some of the kitchen staff would teach me how to cook things from time to time, and I learned a lot from one in particular that stayed with us for quite some time. I became a very good chef because of him. Also, the one housekeeper we had when I was younger was really nice, Isabella, and I really liked her, but my mother fired her when I was 10 or 11 and she just vanished. She didn't even say goodbye.

That was the only one of the staff I was bothered by when they left. The rest would come and go and I didn't pay much attention. With Isabella though, since I was closer to her, I tried asking my mother about what happened and where she went. My mother got very upset with me and told me to never mention her again…so I didn't…though I thought her reaction was odd.

As for Lauren…she was just a few years older than me, so I was excited to have someone working for us…and me in particular…that was so close to my age. I was worried at first that she wouldn't like me or that we wouldn't get along since it was hard for me to make friends (Matthew and John being my only real friends in Italy), but Lauren and I had immediately hit it off. We liked all of the same things…music…books…art…movies. She even managed to get past my extremely shy, nerdy, quirky personality.

She said she thought it was cute and that I was funny. I remember the first time she complimented me I blushed. I didn't realize it then...because no one was ever really complimentary to me…or paid attention to me at all for that matter…but I soon realized I had a major crush on Lauren.

Not being around many other kids my age and not being friends with those I was around…except Matthew and John…I didn't recognize what I was feeling at first. When I did…it terrified me. My family was ultra-religious and any impropriety was thought of as something worthy of capital punishment. My parents were perfectionists. In my eyes…at least up to that point…they appeared to do everything impeccably. They always acted, spoke, and behaved honestly, with integrity, and according to the Bible.

How would they react to their daughter having a crush on a girl? I tried to ignore it…ignore my feelings for her. But the more I did that…the more I was drawn to her…the more I was attracted to her. The harder I tried to stay away from her…the more I wanted to be around her. It was both infuriating and exhilarating at the same time.

The night of the party, once I was excused, I made my way to my room and Lauren was waiting for me. I had really been looking forward to seeing her…not just because I hated my parent's parties, but because of the crush I had on her for several months. By that point…I had all but given up on fighting my crush…but I had also mostly given up on Lauren ever feeling anything for me but friendship either.

I remember when I first met Lauren…I thought she was really pretty. She had the most beautiful blue eyes…stunning long blonde hair…and the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. When she smiled…it literally warmed my heart. By the night of the party…I realized I had more than a little crush on her…but I had no idea what Lauren thought about me…whether she just saw me as some kid she had to teach…as a friend…or if she liked me too…but it really didn't matter. Just seeing her made me feel better…like someone actually cared.

On top of that, I had picked up on some extra tension at the party that night…more so than usual…and I had hoped that seeing Lauren would take my mind off of whatever was going on with my parents and their party.

I had walked into my room, expecting to find books and other stuff Lauren used to help me learn the different languages, but instead I just found Lauren sitting on the bench next to my window. When I walked in the room, she smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat.

She asked me how I was doing…the first time anyone seemed to genuinely care about my feelings in a long time (besides Matthew or my Grandpa) and when I tried to tell her I was fine…she just walked over to me and gave me a big hug. She told me she knew I wasn't but that I would be.

She leaned back just a little and gave me a quick kiss and I nearly stopped breathing right there. I couldn't believe that this beautiful girl had just kissed me…and I almost forgot where I was. I waited so long to respond that she thought I was mad or that she misread my feelings for her and started to apologize to me.

When I finally came back down to earth and realized what was happening…I told her not to apologize…that I was just surprised…in a good way. She smiled again and took my hand and we sat on the bench overlooking the rest of my parent's property…just talking about anything and everything. She told me that I couldn't say anything about the kiss to anyone…especially my parents. I knew she was right…if they found out about her…or that I liked girls…they'd fire her immediately…so I told her not to worry about it.

We stayed like that for a long time…her holding me…kissing once in a while…but mainly just talking. We were there much longer than either of us realized and it became so late we realized she would probably have to sneak out so my parents wouldn't find out she was still there and ask why she was there so late.

I was just about to check to see if my parents were asleep when I heard my mom and dad fighting downstairs. I knew the guests had left quite a while ago and all of the staff had already returned to their own living quarters, so to hear both of them yelling at that time caught me off guard. They must've assumed I was asleep and wouldn't hear them fighting. I snuck over to the top landing…with Lauren not far behind me…and listened in to the argument. What I heard shocked me beyond belief.

"Just how much have you had to drink tonight Elizabeth?"

"Oh…Don't pretend you care now, Alex. Besides…it'll never be enough to make me forget was a bastard you are!"

"I'm not worried about you…you cold hearted bitch! I was just curious if your current drunken state was caused in part because of your inability to find a male companion for this evening…or if it had become a normal part of your nightly routine?"

"What does it matter to you? You're heading back to your whore now aren't you?"

"First…I NEVER want to hear you call her that again! Second…my concern is not for you…it's for Emily. If she were to need you…you're obviously in no state to be of any help to her. You can't even help yourself."

"Why pretend to care about Emily now…where was that concern when you were screwing the help…or playing house across town with someone else?"

"You knew from the beginning our marriage was never real Elizabeth…it never was for either one of us. I pretend not to notice the dozens of men that come and go from here and I live my own life. At least I can remember who I sleep with. I doubt you can even remember the names or faces of half the guys you've been with."

"All I have to remember is that they aren't you…you worthless excuse for a man!"

"Oh please…don't pretend you are some patron saint. I never wanted to marry you in the first place! Had it not been for you being pregnant…well...we both know we wouldn't be stuck in the mess we are now!"

"We were only married because our parents insisted. I wasn't any happier about it than you. Besides…if you knew how to use a condom…I wouldn't have ended up pregnant in the first place. You think I wanted to be tied down with a kid at my age? My career was just starting to take off…I had plans that didn't include a kid or marrying you. One stupid night and I'm stuck with you because our damn parents insisted we get married. Damn Catholics and their righteous indignation anyway!"

"Good to see you have a firm grasp on what's important…you hateful shrew. Hopefully Emily never hears you speaking like that. I should've known better than to leave her with you…but you insisted she was better off with you instead of me. Now I have to wonder."

"How dare you question my concern for my daughter? I care for Emily. I always have. At least I'm here and not halfway across town pretending to be away on business."

"You care for plants…or stray animals Elizabeth…you are supposed to love your child. I may not be here as much as I would like…but at least I love Emily. Can you say the same?"

"You love Emily? Really? Funny…I don't think I've ever once heard you say that to her."

"The same could be said for you my dear. I suppose we both could use some improvements in that area. It does us no good to keep rehashing the same tired argument over and over again. Emily is getting older and soon this nightmare of a marriage will be over one way or another. Once our parents are gone…or Emily turns 18 and has full control over all of her trust funds…our sham of a marriage will finally be over and we can live the lives we actually want to…instead of the ones that were forced on us. Until then…we're stuck playing this stupid charade because of your job and our parents holding Emily's trust funds over our heads. But don't push me or I'll walk away from you, this stupid charade we're playing for everyone else's benefit, and I'll take Emily with me. Because right now…you are not responsible enough to care for her. You're so drunk you can barely stand up…and god knows what kind of men you have coming in and out of here at all hours of the day and night. I should have never left her in your care in the first place."

"I'm perfectly capable of raising Emily…how dare you suggest otherwise. Besides…I only drink so that I can tolerate spending time with you."

"I can't deal with you anymore tonight. I'll be back later in the week and I'll spend time with Emily then. Maybe by that time…you'll sober up and I'll be able to stand to be in the same room with you. If Emily asks…I had to leave on a business trip."

"Of course…just like always. Just leave…run back to your other life…or was it a business trip. I'll take care of Emily like I always do."

With that…I watched as my father picked up his bags and storm out the front door. My mother threw her tumbler against the door…amber liquid and glass shards spraying the entryway as my mother quietly muttered "bastard" before walking out of the room.

I turned to look at Lauren…shocked by everything I had heard…still trying to process it all.

My parent's marriage was a complete lie. They're only pretending to be together because they were forced to get married…because of me? They both said that they didn't want me and I was just an accident? Did they consider getting rid of me? Why didn't they? Was it because of their religion or did something else keep them from it? Would we all have been better off if they did?

Both of my parents are having affairs with other people and they're bragging about it to the other? Meanwhile, my dad is living across town with someone else? Who is it he's living with? And he lies to me telling me he is on a business trip instead? How long has this been going on? Is that why they've never been around me when I was growing up? Because they never wanted me in the first place or because I was some painful reminder of a marriage they never wanted to be stuck in?

Everything I thought I knew about my parents just blew up in my face in one conversation that I was never meant to hear. But now that I have heard it…I can never un-hear it…and now I have so many questions that I need answers to. Who is it that my dad is living with and where? What else don't I know? How do I find the answers to all of my questions when my parents have obviously been lying to me my entire life?

Lauren wrapped me in a hug…quietly whispering that everything would be okay. Somewhere deep inside though…I knew it wouldn't. I knew it was only going to get worse from here…and I was right.