A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. My muse and I both appreciate it.

This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if y'all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up soon.

And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!

***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!

"Some people have an identity. I have an alibi. I have a shadow self." ~ Andre Aciman

"Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging." ~Jhumpa Lahiri

Chapter 42

"Looks like you just have one folder left in that folder there…then just one more file to go. What do they have written on them?"

"This one just says Doyle. The other file has 'The BAU' written on it. Still haven't found that stupid map though."

"You will…you've already been through the rest of them…so it has to be in one of these two you have left. As for Doyle…I only know what I heard after everything happened, which wasn't much. So Tom is the one that introduced you to Easter…and got you mixed up with Doyle?" Matthew asks…in a slightly angry tone.

"Yeah. I don't think he realized at the time how dangerous the assignment was going to be though…or I seriously doubt he would've gotten me mixed up in that whole mess." I reply.

"What did he think he was getting you involved in…a bake sale? He had to know that Doyle was dangerous."

"I think that Easter left out some major details when he discussed the case with Tom. Given Tom's reaction when everything about the case was finally revealed…I'd almost bet on it. Tom was definitely pissed…but by that time…it was too late for either one of us to back out." I explain.

"So…what happened? Did they just go over the file and send you on your way?"

"No…Easter arranged for me to be 'transferred' to the State Department. It was just a back-stop for me to transfer over to the CIA and on to Interpol. I wasn't able to tell my family much…but I told them I would keep in touch with them as much as possible. That's when we came up with the secret code system we still use to keep in touch via cell phone. We are able to text and call each other without anyone outside the family figuring out who it is…using special sets of numbers and initials so all of us know who's calling or texting…and we switch phones all the time. That way I'm still able to contact them and not put anyone in danger." I start to explain.

"So you were transferred to Interpol via the State Department and CIA? Did you go to Europe…or somewhere else?" Matthew asks.

"I didn't go to Europe…at least not at first. I started off in Boston…Easter gave me some more details on the case and I got more specialized training before I started. The training at the FBI was good…but they needed someone that had very special skills and training to go undercover. That took a few weeks, and once that was done…I made some connections in Boston and met up with Ian there. It didn't take long for me to gain his trust and once I did, I was in. Tom and Easter tracked me…trying to keep me safe…but I was basically on my own. They set up a special team that I worked with…but they were all on the outside. My job was working directly with Ian on the inside…trying to get information to bring down his whole operation."

"So you were stuck on an undercover assignment…in all kinds of danger…and everyone else just sat back and what? Watched…took notes…" Matthew asked.

"They were gathering intel for me and passing it on to me whenever they could. The assignment wasn't supposed to take very long…a few weeks tops. They severely underestimated how smart Ian was and how complex his organization really was…how many people were involved. I ended up being there for several months." I reply.

"And Ian never figured out you were playing him?" Matthew asks.

"No. That was one good thing about having to lie and keep secrets all my life…I'd become really good at it over the years. On top of that…I'd become really good at being whoever someone wanted or needed me to be…so I just did that there too. It really wasn't that different than anywhere else I had been over the years…just a different location and a little more dangerous. And with everything Lucas had done to me…I actually felt safer with Ian than I had with anyone else in a long time. He was constantly defending me to his associates…protecting me. He really started to fall for me. That was something I didn't see coming…but I guess that was part of Easter's plan all along. I didn't realize part of the reason I was chosen was that I was his 'type'. I just thought it was because of my training and because I knew so many languages…but the other part was because he had a thing for brunettes too."

"Great…so Easter was using you. When did you figure that part out?" Matthew asks.

"After a few weeks. I guess Easter hadn't figured out that I wasn't really into guys…but I went along with the plan anyway. Besides…Ian was handsome and very protective of me. Once I figured out that he liked me…I decided to go with it…see if I could use that to get more information and wrap up the investigation faster. That's when he sprung Declan on me. He wanted me to raise Declan…since he knew that what he was doing was dangerous. The problem was that he wanted Declan to take over his 'operation' when he was older…and I didn't want any part of that. I tried to avoid the subject as long as possible…and then he proposed to me. He wanted to give me his entire empire…not realizing that I had no interest in money or any other part of his 'empire'…especially since I had more money and assets than he did already. I tried to turn him down…but he insisted that I at least keep his ring and think about it."

"That's when he gave you the Gimmel ring? Wasn't that right before you were pulled off the case?"

"Yeah…a few weeks before. I had been getting intel from Easter about a big deal that was in the works and that Ian was going to be 'taken out'. I realized when they told me about their plan…and that Ian was probably going to be killed during their operation…that I had actually started to care about him. Odd, I know…but still. I wanted him in prison…not dead. At least not back then. I agreed to marry him to keep him safe…and away from the operation that day. I thought that if they could arrest or kill most of his associates…they would still be able to arrest him later. Besides…our marriage wouldn't be valid anyway…so everything would eventually work out. They went ahead with the operation and most of his upper level associates were killed or arrested. We ended up getting married and were back at the villa 'celebrating' when my team swooped in and drug me away. They arrested him and that was the last I saw of him for years. The marriage was nullified and they faked my death along with Declan and Louisa's so he wouldn't keep looking for any of us after that. I kept the ring as a reminder of what happened…and how I was happy for a brief time...even if it was with someone like Ian."

"How long was it before you found out…" Matthew starts to ask a question…but I cut him off.

"Not long. I went back to the States and told Tom and Easter that it had been Ian's idea about getting married…not mine. That was when I helped move Declan and Louisa to the States and changed their names. Tom was so fed up with Easter by then that he stopped working with him and transferred over to the CIA instead. Tom and I officially adopted Declan…and I changed his name to Matthew. We knew that if Ian ever found out that we were still alive…that we'd be in danger…so I took every possible precaution I could to keep us all safe. Since Tom was helping to raise Declan…that decided to transfer to the CIA. As a bonus…he didn't have to work with Easter anymore…and he was able to be in town more often. I just moved back in with my aunt and uncle for a while until things settled down. And that way, I could be close to Matthew too. Once I thought enough time had passed and none of Ian's associates would still be looking for me…and everything else was sorted out…I found out about the opening at the BAU and applied. I found out I was accepted and started working there once the paperwork for the transfer went through. I found out later that Easter had helped with my references along with some other people that had worked on our team. I guess the BAU was impressed that people that were so high ranking with Interpol and the CIA had recommended me for the position."

"That's when Hotch accused you of using your 'political connections' to get the job?"

"Yeah…I had bumped into him a few times at some of the Ambassador's functions and I guess he just assumed that was how I got the job. Then I saw Strauss. Given her connections to my family…especially my father…I'm surprised he didn't think she would've had her hand in it somewhere. But…I guess she was just as surprised to see me as he was. The approval came from above her somewhere…so her and Hotch had nothing to do with me getting the job…but I just thought it was a normal transfer. It wasn't until he accused me of using my connections that I started to look into it more and found out that Easter had helped out…knowing I wanted to work there. It was his way of making up for getting me mixed up with Ian." I explain.

"Don't think I didn't notice that you skimmed over some of the pages in that file…but I guess I'll let that slide for now. No map?" Matthew asks.

"No…nothing. I guess that means it's in this last file…hopefully." I reply.

"It has to be…you've looked through all of the other files and didn't find it. Open it up…see what you find."

I do as he asks and notice there is only one folder inside…it's labeled "JJ". Guess I should've seen that coming.

"Is everything alright, JJ?" Chance asks, noticing I had just finished texting someone.

"Yeah, I was just checking on Henry. Everything is fine." I reply.

Thankfully, Will and Ashley were good with keeping Henry longer. He said he knew Emily would wake up soon and that she'd be fine and not to worry about Henry. They sent their best and to just let him know as soon as I wanted them to bring Henry up to the hospital since he knew I missed him and it'd do me and Emily some good to see him. He was always a good guy…and with Ashley around…he's been even better…with me…Henry…and my feelings for Emily.

"He's your son…right?" Summer asks.

"Yeah…did Emily tell you about him?" I ask…somewhat surprised she knew about him.

"Yeah…she said he was a great kid and he looked and acted just like you." Summer smiled as she replied.

"Thanks…and I've been told we do look alike…but oddly enough…he actually takes after Spence and even your mom for some reason." I smile as I think of all the ways Henry reminds me of Emily and Spencer…super smart…adorably awkward…and the biggest hearts of anyone else I've ever met…outwardly quiet…and inwardly fragile all at once.

"How old is he?" Chance asks.

"He's 3."

"Who's watching him for you now?" Chance replies.

"His father Will and Will's girlfriend Ashley. And before you ask…I'm fine with both of them…we get along really well. They said he's doing okay and to let them know when it was okay to bring him up here since they knew I'd be missing him. Plus…they thought it might help your mom since she always seemed to light up whenever he was around." I reply…answering the questions I figured would be coming next.

"Wow…that's great. Wish our family functioned as well as yours. All our family can manage to do is argue and fight most of the time." Summer replies as Chance nods in response…checking his own phone as he does.

"Is everything okay?" I ask…noticing Chance seems somewhat distracted by something on his phone.

"Yeah…everything is fine. Did Garcia find out anything about those pictures you gave her earlier?" Chance asks.

His question momentarily surprises me since it seems completely off topic.

"She hasn't said anything to me about them…why do you ask?" I inquire…trying to figure out why he asked this particular question.

"Can you find out…I have an idea about somewhere else we might be able to look if she hasn't." He softly replies…still looking at his phone.

"Care to explain?" I ask.

"Uncle Tom…you met him a few weeks back. He's raising Declan. He found out mom was here and will be here in a little bit. He has some contacts that Garcia might not have…and knows a little about mom's background. He might be able to help figure out how some of those women were connected to mom. But if Garcia has already found out the information…then we wouldn't need to have him look at the pictures." Chance explains.

"Did you say 'Uncle Tom'? I thought he just worked with you mom on a few cases? I guess I'm confused about how he'd be able to help." I state…unsure of how someone that didn't know Emily that well would know anything about the women in those pictures.

"It's complicated. But yeah…I did say Uncle Tom. He's known mom for a long time. If Garcia hasn't found out a connection between all of us and those women…he might know something we don't."

"Was he bringing Mattie?" Summer asks Chance.

"Mattie?" I ask…confused about who they were talking about.

"Sorry…I keep forgetting you still call him Declan. We all call him Mattie…it's short for Matthew. Mom changed his name when she brought him to the States. He'd been using Matthew for so long, I think he'd forgotten about his real name until you all called him that a while back. He was so young when he came to the States…Matthew was the only name he ever really remembered." Summer explained.

"Oh…your mom didn't say anything to us about that." I reply. I wonder why she wouldn't tell us something like that? It's not like it's a big deal or anything.

"Uncle Tom said he was coming up alone this time. He didn't want Mattie to get upset if mom wasn't doing well. He said he'd bring him up later on when she was doing better. You know how upset he gets when she's sick or hurt." Chance quietly replies.

"Yeah…I guess you're right." Summer replies

"How did he find out your mom was here anyway? Did one of you let him know?" I ask…curious about which one of them let him know she was here.

"Uh…neither of us did. Grandma Bella did. She thought he might be able to help." Chance replies quietly.

"That's your grandfather's wife? How is she connected to Tom?" I ask…completely confused by this connection.

"Tom is Grandma Bella's brother." Chance quickly replies.

"What? So the guy that I met…Tom…that's raising Declan…sorry…Matthew…is your grandfather's brother-in-law?" I ask…feeling like I'm stuck in some weird country music song where at the end…I'll find out I'm somehow my own grandmother or something.

"Yeah. I tried to tell you our family was complicated earlier. Now do you believe me?" Summer replies.

"Definitely starting to. Anything else I should know?" I ask…almost afraid to hear the answer.

"A lot of things…but we'll let mom fill you in on most of it. I only told you about Tom because I thought he might be able to help with trying to find a connection between mom and those pictures." Chance replies.

"So there's more I still don't know about?" I ask...slightly worried about what else I don't already know.

"Yeah…but it's up to mom to tell you…not us. Just promise me something." Chance states.

"I will if I can." I reply.

"When she does talk to you…don't shut down or run away…just listen and try to understand…please?" Chance requests…in a slightly pleading tone.

"Of course I can promise you both that. I have no intention of running away from your mom…not ever again. I'll tell you both the same thing I told her before all of this happened. I don't care what happened in her past or what secrets she's been keeping from me…nothing will scare me away from her. I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. Your mom is my everything…and she always will be." I reply firmly.

I glance back up at the machines again before looking at Emily. Still stable for now. Hopefully you'll wake up soon. I have so many questions for you…but I'm not sure you'll be able to answer them when you first wake up. I hope you're back to your normal self and not like you were when you first came in here earlier…completely shut down from everyone…including me. Either way though…just like I told them…I'm not going anywhere. I just wonder…with all of this new information that I keep finding out and what they just said…What other secrets are you keeping from me? What else don't I know? I know I have my own secrets that I'm still keeping from you too…but those will just have to wait for another time. My priority is you right now.

I reach for her hand and hold it in my own…placing a soft kiss on it as I softly whisper…"I need you…please come back to me, Em…I love you sweetheart."