A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.
A/N: Violence towards a primary character is mentioned/discussed in this chapter. Please be forewarned if that is troubling for you.
I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. My muse and I both appreciate it.
This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if y'all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up soon.
And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!
***More drama and more secrets revealed***
I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!
"Forgetting stuff is just human, especially when other things are on our minds." ~ Claudia Winkleman
"Time and memory are true artists; they remould reality nearer to the heart's desire." ~ John Dewey
Chapter 45
Dr. Hayes begins by shining a light in my eyes and checking my vital signs before checking what I assume is a machine that was meant to help me breathe.
"I think I can change this over to a nasal cannula for you. That will allow you to continue to get the oxygen that you need, but it will make it much easier for you to talk. However, if you start to have any issues with your breathing, we may need to go back to using this machine for a while.
I watch as she works on the machine for a little while and then unhooks the tube going into my mouth and partially down my throat.
"This may feel a little awkward when I remove it…just try to relax as much as possible and I'll have it out before you know it." I hear her say as she quickly removes the tube.
Awkward wouldn't have been the word I would've chosen…painful and disgusting might be more applicable…but at least it's gone.
I watch as she works with some equipment next to me and then opens a package of tubing. She hooks it up to my nose so that I can now breathe the oxygen in through that way instead of the other tube, which is much better. I hear her push a couple of buttons…I assume to set the oxygen to the correct level before looking back over at me.
She asks if I'd like anything before she starts to ask any questions and I can only get one word out…"water" since my throat feels like a desert oasis.
"I can give you a little bit…but be really careful and just take small sips…okay?"
I nod…and gratefully sip the water she's held out for me. Much better…though my throat still feels horrible.
I cough briefly which somewhat alarms the doctor, but when she asks if I'm okay, I simply nod and take another sip of water. I apparently was asleep too long and either the breathing tube caused some issues with my throat or my system hasn't fully woken up yet.
"If you're sure you're okay. Just please be careful and take slow, easy sips of the water. You've been asleep for a while and your body needs time to readjust itself; especially given the breathing tube you just had removed." Dr. Hayes reminds me.
I simply nod in reply again.
Dr. Hayes starts asking me questions. I realize that while I remember big stuff…other things like why I'm here, what happened, and other finer details are much fuzzier. I do recall the basics like my name, age, job, the city where I live, and what year it is for her. I also verify that it's okay to call me Emily instead of Agent Prentiss, even though answering all of those questions takes a lot longer than it really should've taken.
I'd like to attribute that to my ridiculously sore throat and difficulty in speaking from the tube that was just removed…as well the pain I'd started to notice I'm having when breathing, but that wasn't the only reason. Some of it was due to trouble recalling details…and the other part was because I wasn't fully concentrating on what she was asking.
The doctor apparently noticed I was having trouble answering the questions…at least without difficulty. She reminded me to take my time…telling me that she was in no hurry. She also advised me that my throat will probably be sore for a little while, apparently attributing my difficulties in answering her questions to my sore throat and not my slightly fuzzy memory.
She also said that due to some of my other injuries, talking will probably be difficult for a little while. Guess that's good and bad. If I don't want to talk, I'll have an excuse not to, but if I want to ask any questions or need to say something, it'll be difficult for a while.
One other reason I'd been slow in responding to her questions was that I'd been mentally taking note of what I thought my injuries were while I was also attempting to answer her. I'd started to notice various parts of my body that were either in pain or simply didn't feel quite right, or both. Apparently my system was beginning to wake up more. The effects of the anesthesia wearing off and I was beginning to feel more pain and discomfort.
I'd noticed that my stomach and ribs were extremely painful, and I'd come to the conclusion that they must be, at the very least, bruised severely, if not broken in some places.
I had already noticed that my face must've sustained some injuries when I tried to open my eyes earlier. I'm not entirely sure what those injuries are…but they definitely don't feel great. So I'm guessing something is either broken or severely bruised. As a bonus…I have a massive headache too.
I also noticed my hand was in some kind of brace or cast when Summer asked me to squeeze her hand, but I've had a chance to look now and have seen a temporary cast there, so it's apparently broken.
What I can't seem to determine is why the area around my hips and pelvis are not only exceedingly painful, but seem to be almost constricted or wrapped tightly in something.
Once the initial questions she asks are complete, she reviews her chart, and apparently, all of the information I give her seems to match her records. She then asks me to tell her the last thing I remember before I ended up here. Since I'm not even sure where I am currently, I search my memory and as I do…I realize the last clear memory that I have is being at the police station in California. The case had to do with an unsub that was repeatedly drowning and then resuscitating his victims to see if they could tell him what the afterlife was like.
Did something happen during the case? Did the unsub attack me? Did we stop him from hurting anyone else? Then I remember there was something about Lucas and Summer…but what? Maybe it was that I had just called to tell her to be extra cautious since he was let out of prison…but it feels like there's more…like I'm forgetting something.
I relay my last memory to the doctor and she asks me what date this happened?
Strange question, but I answer her.
I follow that question up with one of my own "Which hospital am I in?"
"MedStar Washington"
A trauma hospital in Washington…so I'm definitely missing something. The case I remembered was in California…not back home. And why was she asking me about when that happened? I must be missing some time somewhere…unless I was out longer than just a few hours.
"How long was I asleep?" I ask…my voice deep and gravely. It feels as though my throat is filled with sandpaper right now.
"You were brought in yesterday…so close to 24 hours." Dr. Hayes replies.
"What…what day…is it?" I choke out.
Dr. Hayes tells me the date and I realize that I am missing several days of my memory. But since she stated I was only asleep for around 24 hours, I have to wonder why I have forgotten the rest of that time. I am obviously forgetting something…but what? And more importantly…why?
Taking a small sip of water, my throat becoming more sore with each passing word, I ask my next question…"What are my injuries? Do they have anything to do with why I can't remember the past few days?"
Damn…that took a lot out of me to ask those questions. My energy is nearly gone now. But I really need to know what is going on and why I don't remember the past few days.
"We'll need to run a few more tests to determine if your injuries or the anesthesia is the reason for your current memory impairment. Often, when you first wake up from anesthesia, your memory can be a bit foggy. Why don't you just rest for now. I can go over your injuries with you later and maybe by then, more of your memory of the past couple of days will have returned as well." Apparently, sensing my exhaustion, Dr. Hayes avoids the question again.
With more difficulty than I expected… I ask again…"No…I want to know about what my injuries are before everyone else comes back in. "
I steady myself and my breathing before I continue…"Besides…I've obviously been asleep for a while and I'm not tired right now." I lie. Frankly…I'm completely exhausted…but I really need her to answer my questions.
"Just tell me…what are my injuries?" …this time…a little agitation starts to color my voice.
"Okay…I'll tell you. But…only if you can promise me that you'll remain calm. And please keep in mind that we'll still need to run some additional tests later as you just woke up and your condition is changing and still improving."
Why won't she just tell me? Is It really that bad? Now I'm both irritated and slightly nervous…but mostly angry that I keep having to ask…especially given how draining it is on me to simply ask her and how much it is hurting my throat to even talk right now.
"I have a right to know about my own injuries. And I'm only going to remain calm if you tell me what happened to me." I demand...becoming more irritated the longer she delays discussing my own medical condition with me.
"Okay…did you want me to bring your family back in before I go over this with you?" Dr. Hayes asks.
"No…I want to hear about it first. Once I hear what you have to say, I'll go from there." I respond.
If it's not bad, then I'll let everyone else know what's going on. But, if it's as bad as she's making it seem…then I'm just going to keep it to myself for now. No sense in worrying everyone and I don't want everyone feeling sorry for me if it is bad. The last thing I want from anyone is pity.
"Okay…but again, please keep in mind that you are just waking up and you are still healing, so you will continue to improve. Also, we still need to do some additional tests to check a few things as well." Dr. Hayes starts and I simply tilt my head in her direction waiting for her to continue.
"You were brought in with three fractured ribs. One of those punctured your right lung. That, along with a couple of other injuries you sustained, caused some internal bleeding. We were able to repair all of the damage and replace the blood volume that you lost, so provided everything continues as it has been, all of that should fully heal. You also sustained some additional minor injuries that required a number of sutures and stitches as well as a right wrist fracture. We're going to need to do some additional tests to determine the extent of a closed head injury that you sustained as well. It's possible that it was just a concussion, or it could've been slightly more serious, which would explain some of your memory issues and the delay in you waking up." Dr. Hayes finishes and looks at me as if to see if I have any questions.
"So the injuries to my face…nothing broken?" I start.
"No, it doesn't appear as though you suffered any facial fractures, though you have a number of severe bruises and cuts. A couple of those did require some stitches." Dr. Hayes explains.
"And the punctured lung…that was the reason for the breathing machine and why it hurts to breathe right now?" I ask.
"It'll probably be painful to breathe for a while…but we can adjust your medications to help you with that." Dr. Hayes explains.
"What about all of that?" I ask…looking down towards my hips and pelvis…indicating the tight wrapping that I had noticed earlier. I look back up to see her pale slightly and realize she'd left something out of her listing of my injuries.
When she doesn't answer immediately, I prompt her again…"Well…what is it? Why am I wrapped up like that?"
Slightly choking out her reply…she states "You suffered several deep puncture wounds in and around your pelvic region. That was the cause of the internal bleeding I mentioned to you earlier. We were able to repair the internal damage though."
"Puncture wounds? From what?" I ask.
"Some type of bladed weapon…though we can't say for certain exactly what it was." Dr. Hayes quietly replies.
"Are you saying…that I…I was…was assault…assaulted with a knife…or…or something like it?" I stutter…almost disbelieving what I am saying.
"With the number and location of your wounds…it appears that way. But I can't say for sure. Once your memory returns, we'll have a better idea. When that happens, we can have a specialized trauma therapist come in to see you. In the meantime, I've treated those injuries and physically, you should be able to fully recover from them."
"Does anyone else know about them?"
"Agent Jareau…JJ…knows about your injuries. Though I didn't mention to her that due to the location and number of wounds it would likely indicate a sexual assault. I just told her that you sustained a number of puncture wounds around that location. Your daughter was informed of the rest of your injuries, but not those specific ones." Dr. Hayes explains.
"From here on, please don't provide them with any more details unless you check with me first. I don't want them to worry. Okay?" I ask.
"If you're certain? You should know that all of them have been here non-stop since you were brought in. None of them have left your side. They're all very concerned about you." Dr. Hayes states.
"I understand…but I don't want them to worry now. I'll tell them anything I think they need to know. Beyond that…I want to keep my medical information between the two of us…okay?"
"I understand. But if you change your mind, just let me know." Dr. Hayes states again.
I start to tell her that I do…but then I begin to remember Lucas holding a knife in front of me. That has to be it…he did this. He must've stabbed me. But I still can't remember exactly what happened.
Dr. Hayes notices that I've zoned out and asks if it's okay to let my family in now. I start to say yes…but realize that I need to find out why Chance and Summer are there before she lets in JJ and Reid. I need to make sure they're safe. Besides…they'll hopefully fill in some of the gaps of my memory. And…with what I just found out, I don't know if I'm ready to see JJ right now. I need to know more about what's going on and where I stand with her before I talk to her. Maybe Chance and Summer can give me a better idea.
Besides, Summer and Chance don't know about all of my injuries…only JJ does. And from what Dr. Hayes said, she didn't tell JJ everything about her suspicions. Though it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what those injuries meant.
I can vaguely remember Matthew telling me to open up my heart to JJ and let her help me…but how can I do that now? Especially when the doctor just told me that I was assaulted like that and she knows about it. Maybe that's why she's here. Maybe she feels guilty about me being hurt. Otherwise…why would she be here instead of with Will and Henry? I know I'm missing some time…but when she said she loved me…she had to have meant as a friend, right? How could she love me now? Especially knowing what my injuries are?
All I know is I need to make sure Chance and Summer are safe and find out what the hell happened during that time that I can't remember. Maybe once I do…I'll be able to figure out what to do next.
I watch as Dr. Hayes opens the door to my room and close it behind her. I'm sure that all of them were expecting to come back inside here…but I need to see Chance and Summer first. I can't handle seeing JJ right now and as much as I care for Reid…I can't deal with seeing him right now either.