A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

A/N: Violence towards a primary character is mentioned/discussed in this chapter. Please be forewarned if that is troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. My muse and I both appreciate it.

This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if y'all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up soon.

And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!

***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!

"I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't." ~ Steven Wright

"Your emotions are very unstable and should never be the foundation for direction in your life." ~ Joyce Meyer

Chapter 54

Quietly closing the door behind them, Chance and Summer turn to head into Emily's room, only to bump into Dr. Hayes as she is closing the door behind her.

"Oh…good. I'm glad I ran into you both. I wanted to let you know that I just got your mom settled in after her tests. I'll be back in a few minutes to check on her, and one of the nurses will be down shortly to change some of her bandages as well."

"How did the tests go? Did you find out anything?" Summer questions.

"You'll have to discuss that with your mom. Remember that she asked me not to discuss anything specific about her medical condition with anyone but her, and until she lets me know that has changed, I have to respect that request."

"You can't tell us anything?" Chance replies.

"Just that you will need to keep your conversations to a minimum tonight…your mom's throat is bothering her quite a bit right now. I advised her to try and not talk too much tonight if possible to prevent agitating her throat anymore. Otherwise, I can't really tell you anything else. But if you can convince your mom to change her mind about releasing information to someone, then that can change. Until then, I have to respect her request. I am sorry."

"Why does she have to be so damn stubborn?" Summer directs her question towards Chance, clearly frustrated.

Sensing the frustration, and not wanting to add to it further, Dr. Hayes starts to leave, but adds "I'll be back shortly, and I'll send Emily's charge nurse down in a little bit as well" before walking away towards the nursing station.

"You know as well as I do how mom can get." Chance answers, watching Dr. Hayes make her hasty retreat down the hall. "And we can't blame Dr. Hayes either. She's just doing what mom asked her to do."

"Speaking of mom…what do we do now? Do we tell her that everyone knows about Kasey and Logan?" Summer tentatively asks Chance.

"I think we're going to have to. If we don't…JJ might…or someone else from her team. And when she starts to remember everything…they might have questions for her. We also need to make her realize that because of everything she did…they're now safe. No one will be looking for them…or trying to use them…hurt them…to get to her. She doesn't have to keep them…or us…a secret anymore."

"You think JJ's going to be okay with them? I mean…she seemed really quiet after she found out about them. It's like she was trying to act like everything was fine…when it really wasn't. Do you think she'll give up on mom now? Do you think that all of this…our family…is too much for her?"

"I don't know sis…hopefully it's not too much for her…that she won't give up now. She doesn't seem like the kind of person that would give up that easily. But I don't really know. When I asked her if she was okay…all she said was she was fine. And everyone knows 'fine' really means 'I'm absolutely not fine'. Maybe she was just in shock. Right now though…we need to focus on mom and make sure she's okay. Hopefully…JJ will come around. We just need to give her a little time to digest all of this…it's a lot to take in all at once."

"Yeah, maybe. I just worry that mom won't want to try as hard…or maybe just give up completely…if JJ gives up on her."

"We just need to take it one step at a time…one problem at a time. The first problem being…we need to tell her that everyone knows about Kasey and Logan and see how she reacts." Chance quietly states as he starts to open the door. "Are you ready?"

"Nope…not at all…but I guess we don't really have a choice now." Summer sadly shakes her head before following Chance into Emily's room.

Slowly walking in to the room, they both notice Emily with her head leaning back against the pillow and her eyes closed. As they approach the bed, Chance takes the seat on the opposite side of the bed, while Summer takes the seat closest to the door.

Chance reaches out first to take Emily's broken hand in his, softly rubbing his fingers against the tips of her fingers sticking out of the temporary cast she is wearing. Summer takes her other hand at nearly the same time, careful not to jostle the IV line fixed in place just above her hand, and slowly strokes her hand, both thinking she is asleep, and both glancing at each other before glancing down at Emily.

"I'm n…not asleep…just…rest…ing…my…eyes." I choke out…slowly opening my eyes.

Startled slightly…Summer jumps a little before leaning over, kissing my cheek and smiling...the hand not holding mine still resting over her heart. "You startled me…sorry."

"Don't try and talk too much mom…Dr. Hayes already told us your throat was bothering you tonight. Do you want some water?" Chance asks before smiling and leaning down to kiss my forehead gently.

I nod and offer a small smile in response. I watch as Chance holds up the small cup of water for me, even though I could've reached it on my own, and I sip the water carefully before leaning back into the pillow and glancing back and forth between Chance and Summer.

I had heard them talking outside of my room before they came in…but couldn't make out what they were saying. I was going to ask them what they were talking about in that room with my parents, Tom, and my team…but based on the looks they are both giving me right now…I already know.

I can tell they are both trying to figure out how to tell me something serious…but they can't figure out how to say it. I might as well save them the agony…and just ask them about it directly.

"Wh…what do y…you need to t…tell me?" I finally choke out…my voice more gravelly than before.

I can tell by the shocked look on Summer's face…and her expression…that she's planning on denying it…so I shake my head "D…don't. Ju...just t...tell me."

"Tell us about how your tests went first…the other stuff can wait." Chance interrupts.

"Ever...verything's f...fine…n...now…t...tell…me." I reply.

My voice is getting weaker…breaking more with each word I try and say. I definitely must've overdid it earlier. I can barely talk now.

"Mom…" Chance argues back "you were unconscious for a long time…you had a head injury…and all you're going to tell us is everything's fine. Will you at least tell the doctor it's okay to give us more details so we can hear it from her?"

I shake my head 'no' in response. "I'm f…fine".

I watch as Chance shoots a look over to Summer…and Summer nods back…as if responding to a silent statement or question.

I don't want them to know any more about my medical information than necessary. If something serious comes up…then I might tell them…though at this point…I probably wouldn't.

I just want to get out of here…back to my own place…without anyone hovering around me. If they think I'm not doing okay…one or both of them will insist on being there…trying to take care of me…and that's the last thing I want…for them or me.

"So…" I start…hoping they will answer my previous question…about what they need to tell me.

Confused just briefly…Chance glances over at Summer before looking back at me. "We did need to tell you something important…"

I just continue to look at Chance and give a slight nod to encourage him to continue.

"Well…first…we want you to know that we didn't say anything because we wanted to…it's because we needed to…and because your team was trying to make sure you were safe after what happened. They were investigating how you got hurt and ended up here…so please don't be mad."

I nod again…knowing what he's about to say…but hoping I'm wrong.

"Your team knows about Kasey and Logan. They were tracking down some leads on your case and their names came up. Tom had to explain to everyone who they were…we're so sorry."

I knew it…everyone knows now…including JJ. All of my lies and my past just caught up with me.

I nod in response as I quietly reply "I figured…th...that's…wh...what y...you w...were g...going t...to…t...tell...m...me…It...It's o…ok…"

"Ok?" Summer questions. "And how did you know?"

"I s…saw y…you ta…talk...ing….to the t…team…in the o…other r…room." I explain.

Chance offers me the water to drink…noticing my difficulty in talking…and I gratefully sip the water…slowly…but it really isn't helping too much.

"Oh God…You saw us all in there when you came back from your tests, didn't you?" Summer asks.

I just nod.

"Mom…we wouldn't have said anything if it weren't necessary…I promise. We just didn't have a choice. And we needed to make sure they were safe after what happened to you." Chance explains…a hint of worry and sadness in his voice.

"I know…it's…o…ok."

"What's going on…what's wrong? Did something happen while we were gone?" Summer asks…glancing over at Chance before looking directly at me…the same worried expression on her face that now is very evident on Chance's face as well.

Damn…the two of them are becoming too perceptive. I don't want anyone to realize that I've remembered anything yet. I can't deal with that right now.

That would bring up too many questions from everyone…the doctor…my team…my kids…everyone. Questions that I have no idea how to answer and some I have no intention of ever answering.

"No…I was a…asleep m…most of t…the t…time. Why?" I ask…plastering the best 'I'm fine mask' on that I can when I answer.

"You're keeping something from us…that's why. Did you remember something else…something about what happened?" Chance asks…worry lacing every word.

"N…not yet" I shake my head and lie in response.

In an attempt to divert any additional questions, I ask a question completely off of this topic "D…did you f…find my k…keys or ph...phone?"

As I make my way towards Emily's room…I stop briefly to consider what I'm going to say when I see her.

Part of me is angry with her for keeping so much of her life a secret from me…but part of me understands the reason why she did it.

Another part of me is excited to meet her youngest kids…especially considering how great her two oldest ones seem to be. I wonder if they look like she does? If they look anything like her…they'll no doubt be stunning.

Her oldest two are gorgeous...which isn't surprising…so I have to believe the youngest two are as well. And even though Ian was a total bastard…he was somewhat attractive…in an odd sort of way. So the youngest two are likely to be just as beautiful, if not more so, than her two oldest.

If she were completely healthy…I'd probably yell or something…just to get all of this frustration off of my chest…before apologizing for taking out my frustration on her. Then I'd tell her I understood why she did what she did…but I'd explain that I was still upset that she didn't trust me enough to tell me.

I'd ask her if what I did to her before hurt her so much that she didn't feel like she could trust me with this…or if she just never trusted me at all?

The problem is…with her current medical state…I can't really do that now. It could put her physical and mental health in serious jeopardy. But I can't completely drop it either.

I also have to worry about her previous issues…the self-injury issues she had before she ended up here that I was hoping to help her with…along with her less than stellar appetite.

Hearing from her family that she has a history of self-destructive behavior…even attempting to kill herself before...scares me to death.

I wonder if the doctor noticed her injuries when she was brought in and realized what caused them…or if she assumed they were part of her attack?

Plus…something about the story they told…the one about her turning her life completely around after a car accident. Something felt like it was missing from that story…almost like they were intentionally leaving something out. I have to wonder if there's more to that story than what they said…or if my imagination is getting the better of me.

I also want to know why she never told me about Lauren…and if there is any connection at all with her wanting to be with me…because of Lauren...or if she really wants me for who I am.

Given how similar we look…and how close the two obviously were…it makes me wonder if our connection is as real as it seems…or if it is partially based on her wanting to hold on to her connection with a ghost from her past.

God…I hope that isn't it…but I really have to know for sure.

One thing I know for sure is that I still want a life with Emily. I can't imagine my life without her in it. I tried that before…when I thought she died…and my life completely fell apart. The secrets from that time will eventually come back to bite me.

That's probably why I'm trying to be so understanding now. I know that eventually…I'll have to fill her in on my own secrets. And when I do…I'll need her to be just as understanding with me as I'm trying to be with her.

The problem right now is trying to get through this moment in time. I can see the future…the one where all of our secrets are out in the open…where there's nothing left for either of us to hide.

The future we are meant to have…where we are living together…happily…with our whole family.

A future where all of our kids under one roof…where we are all happy and healthy…and everything has worked out. Our careers are going well…everyone has adjusted to living together.

Family vacations…holidays spent together…moonlight walks with Emily holding my hand…romantic dinners…just the two of us when all the kids are away at friends or family for the night.

I just need to keep that picture in my mind when I run into road blocks…Emily's emotional walls…days I feel like giving up…or Emily does. Our future together is worth it…I just need to make Emily see the same future together that I can…and help me…work with me…to make sure it comes true.

I start to move towards Emily's door when I hear the door from the other room open. I turn to see Garcia walking towards me and handing Emily's phone to me as she does. "I was able to finish with her phone faster than I thought. Oh…and I know I shouldn't have…but look what I found…" Garcia points to the phone's screen.

I look down and see a picture of two kids...with features very similar to Emily. Though not exactly what I expected…they're still stunning. The little girl…Kasey…has blonde hair and bright blue eyes. The little boy…Logan…has black hair with piercing emerald green eyes.

While they physically resemble Emily…they also have some resemblance to Ian as well. Oddly…Kasey looks somewhat like I did at that age. A point that Garcia is all too happy to point out.

"The Ambassador was right about those kids being adorable. But are you sure Kasey isn't yours…she sure looks like you." Garcia finishes with a crooked grin.

I sadly shake my head…"Yeah…I'm sure."

"What's wrong, kitten?" Garcia senses the shift in my demeanor.

I had been smiling just moments earlier…looking at the pictures of Emily's two youngest kids. Right up until Garcia asked me if I was sure Kasey wasn't mine. God how I wish she was…for so many reasons.

"Nothing Garcia…just a stressful day…that's all" I look away as I answer…lying to Garcia and avoiding eye contact since she has an odd way of sensing when I leave things out of conversations otherwise.

"If you say so sweet cheeks. Just remember to close that screen before you give the phone back to sleeping beauty in there. I don't want her to know we saw that picture until she's ready to show it to us herself…okay?"

"Yeah…no problem" I reply.

I don't want that either. I glance one more time at the picture before closing it on the screen and shutting the phone off. I watch as Garcia returns to the room and I start to make my way, once again, to Emily's room.

As I slowly open the door, I start to knock but stop when I hear Emily talking with her kids. I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I need…or I guess want to know if they have told her yet that I know about Kasey and Logan…and if so…how she's reacted.

What I do hear doesn't confirm for me if she knows about the team finding out…but it does tell me something else. She's remembered more about what happened to her…and doesn't want her kids to know it.

She's put up her emotional walls again…and I don't even need to see her to tell that…which isn't good. I can tell just by the sound of her voice and by her kids' reactions. Somethings not right…and even they know it.

I hear them asking what happened while they were gone and her telling them she was asleep most of the time. She is telling them she's fine…but even from here her answer sounds off…at least to me.

I've heard her use that tone before with unsubs and on cases…when she didn't want to talk about something anymore. It was her way of trying to end a conversation.

They ask her if she remembered anything else…which I can tell she has by the way she sounds…but she denies it.

Then she asks where her keys and phone are…and I decide now is probably a good time to enter the room…so I softly knock on the door as I slowly walk in.

"Sorry to interrupt…But…I figured you were back from your tests by now. As for your keys…well they those…and I've got your phone right here." I softly reply as I hold the phone up in my hand and slowly walk closer to her.

I walk up to the side of her bed…looking down at her and notice immediately that something is wrong. Her emotional walls are back up in full force…stronger and higher than I've seen them in a long time…maybe ever before.

I know now for sure that she's remembered what happened that put her here. And she's trying desperately to block it all out…block everyone out that might see behind her walls. Too late. I found my way in before…and I'll do it again.

"Hey beautiful…" I softly state "sorry I wasn't here when you got back…but I had to step out for just a minute." I finish…leaning over to softly kiss her forehead.

She flinches slightly at my touch…but I won't let that stop me. I'll be damned if what happened to her…her secrets…or her damn stubborn walls will keep me from her…or push me away again. I love her too damn much to lose her now.