A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. My muse and I both appreciate it.

This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if y'all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up soon.

And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!

***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!

"If you're not careful, you can fall into a destructive cycle of self-pity." ~ Victoria Osteen

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." ~ Dag Hammarskjold

Chapter 55

I set the phone down on her bedside table and glance between Chance and Summer and immediately notice the worry on their faces.

I look over at Emily, but she avoids eye contact so I try asking her a direct question, hoping to draw her attention back to me "So…what did you find out during your tests? Did Dr. Hayes tell you anything yet?"

Emily doesn't respond and continues to avoid eye contact with me.

"Em? Sweetie…what did Dr. Hayes say?"

I watch as Emily glances over to Chance and then down to the cup on her table.

"Did you want more water?" Chance cautiously asks.

I watch as Emily nods, but she doesn't actually say anything.

Chance slowly holds the cup up for Emily. She slowly sips from it, before laying her head back against the pillow and closes her eyes.

She's acting as if I'm not even there…which has me really worried. I've seen her shut down or close off from me before…but this is different. This time…the way she's acting…it really scares me.

I look up at Chance before glancing over at Summer and they both shrug their shoulders as if to say they don't know what's going on either. I motion with my head for them to step over to the other side of the room so I can talk to them…where Emily hopefully won't hear us.

I hear Chance say "We're just going to go get you some more water mom…we'll be right back."

Emily never even opens her eyes. She just slightly nods her head to acknowledge she heard him.

We make our way to the side of the room…near the window overlooking the city…and I quietly whisper "what's going on? Did Dr. Hayes give her bad news or something?"

"I don't think so. She told us her tests were fine…but she wouldn't say anything else. Dr. Hayes can't tell us anything since mom told her to keep all of her medical information private after she woke up. We asked her to change that…but she said no." Chance answers…worry apparent in his voice.

"That doesn't explain why she was talking before I came in…and hasn't said a word since I got here." I reply. "Something else is going on."

"The doctor said her throat was really bothering her…and that she shouldn't talk too much. She was losing her voice earlier. Maybe it's gotten worse." Summer answers…looking away slightly as she does.

"Summer…we need to tell her the rest." Chance glances at Summer before looking at me.

He looks at me before quietly adding "we told mom that you and your team know about Kasey and Logan. We tried to explain we only told all of you because we needed to make sure they were safe…that she was safe…because of what happened to her. We thought she'd be mad or upset…but she said she was fine with it…that she understood."

Summer glances over at Emily, before looking at me and quietly saying "something's wrong JJ. We expected her to be upset or mad or something. She said she saw us all talking in the other room and figured out we were talking about her and what we were going to tell her…that it was fine. That's when you came in and she stopped talking."

"Maybe she's worried about how you're going to react?" Chance adds.

"She's not the only one" Summer quietly mutters…glancing at Chance before looking down at the floor.

I lightly touch Summer's arm to get her attention before looking at both of them and whispering "I'm not going to lie and tell you that I wasn't surprised by all of this…because I was. But that doesn't change what I told you both earlier…or told your mom. I love her…and I am NOT going anywhere. I just wish I would've known about them before now…about all of you. But right now, your mom probably won't believe that…because she tends to jump to the worst case scenario when it comes to where her and I stand. I really haven't done much to help with that in the past…or given her much reason to believe in me before. But I will prove to her that I am here to stay…even if she doesn't believe that right now."

I watch as JJ, Summer, and Chance all walk over towards the window in the room…no doubt discussing me. I know JJ was trying to talk to me before. But I was afraid if I looked at her…she'd be able to see that my walls are back up again…that I was trying to shut her and everyone else out…and she'd figure out why.

I just need a few minutes to pull myself together before they come back over so I can try to at least pretend everything is fine.

Besides…I need to prepare myself for what comes next. I know it'll probably be one of two things that will happen.

She'll either wait until the kids leave then yell at me for lying to her or cry and tell me she had such hopes for a future with me…one that's now destroyed because of all of my lies and everything I did in my past.

Or two…she'll try and pretend like everything is fine. That nothing has changed and she's fine with everything she's found out…everything that happened to me…and that she's not going anywhere.

At this point…I think I'd be more prepared for yelling or crying than her telling me everything was fine. At least that would seem more genuine.

I mean really…how could she be fine with all the lies I've told? I've been lying since I met her. How could she be fine with that?

If she tries to claim that everything that's happened doesn't change anything…well…at this point…I don't really think I'll be able to believe her.

How could it not change things? I lied to her. Not that I wanted to…and not that I didn't have a good reason to do so…but that really isn't the point. The point is that I lied.

Couple that with the fact that I am a walking disaster. I'm completely broken…and I have absolutely nothing to offer her at all. Why would she willing be anywhere near me? Unless it was out of pity or guilt…which I don't want.

I should be able to tell by how she looks at me. She's learned how to see past some of my walls…but I can read her pretty well too.

If it isn't pity or guilt…and she doesn't yell or cry…I'll know she's just taking the easy way out. She'll just be pretending everything is fine for a while…until the case with Lucas and all of those poor women is finally resolved and she knows I'm medically stable before she runs away.

That way if I have any medical complications…she won't blame herself for those. She won't have to feel guilty for leaving a medically fragile person in the hospital that she so adamantly stood by until now. That would make her look bad…look petty.

She'll just wait until I'm doing better before turning her back on me…for good this time.

Not that anyone…including me…could really blame her.

I just need to convince her that I'm already fine now…so I can get this over with as soon as possible. That way…if she does try and claim she's fine with everything now…I can let her off the hook and she can be done with me sooner rather than later. Then I can go back home…alone…where I was always destined to end up anyway.

"So what should we do now?" Summer whispers.

"Give me a chance to talk to your mom alone…see what I can find out. The battery was almost drained on her phone. Maybe you two can go find a charger for her and grab some food. That will give me some time to talk with her alone…and for you two to leave for a little bit not look too suspicious." I offer.

"You really think you can find out anything? She stopped talking when you came in." Chance rebuts.

"Yeah…I do. She knows I can read her really well…and I think that's why she was stopped talking once I came in and didn't even look at me. She was afraid I'd be able to tell what was going on inside her head right now. It might take a little time…but I think I can get through to her. At least I hope I can." I quietly answer…looking back over at Emily as I do.

She's so damn stubborn…and I know she's her damn emotional walls back up again. I just need to start trying to take them down again as soon as possible or I may never get through to her.

"I guess it's worth a shot. We weren't really getting anywhere. She just kept saying she was fine…and we know she wasn't. And I know she wanted to use her phone…but without a charger…it won't be much good. Did you want us to pick you up anything to eat while we were out?"

"Just some coffee is fine. I'm not really hungry…but the coffee around here sucks." I offer a sad smile.

"You're sure? I know you haven't eaten anything since all of this started…you have to be starving by now." Summer replies…a little worry lacing her voice.

"Don't worry about me sweetheart. I had a protein bar earlier…and I have a couple more in my purse. Besides…Garcia isn't going to let me starve…I promise. Just the coffee for now would be great." I reply…offering the most reassuring smile I can to her.

I do appreciate her concern…but my appetite is shot. Just the thought of eating right now turns my stomach…but I can be a real bitch without my coffee…and that's the last thing any of us need.

"Ok…if you're sure. If you change your mind…just let one of us know. Or if you think of anything you or mom need while we're gone. And please call us immediately if something happens. Here…let me give you our cell numbers, just in case you don't have them." I watch as Summer reaches in her purse…digs out a notepad and pen and writes down two cell numbers and hands them to me.

I look at the writing and smile absent-mindedly as I realize her handwriting is nearly identical to Emily's. Yet another thing they have in common.

"Absolutely." I agree with a nod.

"Oh…and Dr. Hayes said her and one of mom's nurses would be down in a little bit to check on mom and change some of her bandages too" Chance adds.

"Ok…hopefully, I'll be able to talk to her for a little while before they show up. Maybe I can convince your mom to let Dr. Hayes talk to us again and share her medical information so we know what's really going on." I reply.

"If you could…that would be amazing. We're not going to be able to help her unless we know what's really going on with her" Chance replies…glancing back at Emily before looking at me.

We walk back towards Emily's bed and Chance and Summer take their original places, as Emily slowly opens her eyes once again. She still doesn't look directly at me, but I know she realizes I'm there because of where she intentionally not looking…in my direction.

"Mom…Summer and I are going to step out for a minute. Your team was able to find your phone…but the battery was almost drained on it and since you wanted to use it…you'll need a charger for it. JJ's going to stay with you until we get back. Did you want another drink of water before I leave?" Chance asks.

I watch as Chance slowly holds the cup up for Emily and she slowly sips the water again. He sets the cup down, refills it, and then leans over and places a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Did you want us to pick you up anything while we were out?"

I watch as Emily shakes her head 'no' and he responds "Ok. If you're sure. But…if you change your mind, just have JJ let us know…since your phone battery is almost drained."

I watch as Summer leans over…kissing Emily on the cheek and they both tell her they love her before slowly walking out of the room, saying "we'll be back as soon as we can" as the door shuts behind them.

Finally alone. Now…let me see if I can start working on those massive walls I can see Emily has already built up around herself.