A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

A/N: Violence towards a primary character is mentioned/discussed in this chapter. Please be forewarned if that is troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. My muse and I both appreciate it.

This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if y'all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up soon.

And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!

***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!

"Believing is seeing. You gotta believe something will happen for you before you see it. Have faith in the process of getting there." ~ Unknown

""We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are." ~ Unknown

Chapter 56

I need to figure out what to say to her…how to approach my conversation with her…so that she doesn't shut down on me completely.

Oh…I have an idea.

I make my way over to the side of Emily's bed and slowly take a seat next to her, hoping to seek out eye contact with her, but being stubborn, Emily still refuses to look directly at me.

I need to change that as soon as possible if I hope to start knocking down those internal walls she's building up as the moments pass by.

"Em…did Dr. Hayes tell you how long she thinks you'll be here? I mean…how long you'll need to stay before you can be released?" I gently ask.

I watch as she slowly shakes her head 'no', but she doesn't actually say anything.

At least she's acknowledging my presence now. It's a start.

"I just realized that the last time we were talking…you know before all of this happened…we were trying to make a list of everything you were going to need at your place…since you seemed to be out of everything. But there may be a few more things we'll need to pick up now." I start…glancing up to see if Emily has noticed where I'm going with this conversation.

She's turned her head slightly, to look in my direction, but hasn't said anything yet, so I keep going.

"I thought if Dr. Hayes had mentioned when she thought you might be getting released, I'd have a better idea of when I needed to go pick up everything. That is if you want us to stay at your place while you're recovering. We can stay at my place instead if that would be easier…it's up to you though. And if I need to get anything special for your recovery…she can let me know that too." I finish…knowing this should get some kind of response from her.

"Wh…what?" Emily finally speaks… looking directly at me. The confusion apparent in her eyes. But just behind the confusion…emotional walls so thick and dark it nearly takes my breath away.

"Well, I'm sure you'll probably need a little help…at least for a little while…when you're released from here. In fact, Dr. Hayes probably won't release you unless she knows you'll have someone around that can help you out for a little while. I didn't plan on leaving your side anytime soon anyways. So…I just needed to know if I needed to get supplies for your place or mine, and what to get. But…it's completely up to you where you wanted to stay. Either place is fine with me." I reply…knowing she wasn't expecting me to start off my conversation with her this way.

I know that I'm catching her off guard…which was my intention. I hope by doing this…I'll have a better chance at breaking through those walls she's building up…and trying so desperately to hide behind.

"It'll…be…a wh...while…JJ. Just go h…home. Sp…spend….t…time wi…with Hen…ry. I'm f...fine." Emily replies…again trying to avoid my gaze. "I kn…know yo…you're t…tired. G...go… h…ome. Get s…some sl…sleep."

I shake my head 'no' and reply gently "Henry's fine…and I'm not leaving this hospital until you do. I've been here since they brought you in…and I have no intention on leaving now. I told you before that I wasn't running away from you…that I wasn't leaving you…and I meant it. I love you Emily…nothing will change that…ever."

I watch as Emily slowly turns her head toward me. I watch as her eyes flash between despair…anger…confusion…and desperation. Her walls are still up…but something else is there too. I finally realize what it is. A hint of disbelief is flickering in her eyes. It's as if she wants to believe what I'm saying to her…but can't…or won't for some reason.

"Why…are y…you do…doing th…this? Wh…what do you w…want fr…from me JJ?" Emily sadly whispers.

"I'm doing this because I love you. I'll keep saying it for as long as I need to for you to believe me. I'm not here out of pity or guilt…if that's what you're thinking. I'm here because I love you and there is no place else I would be right now. As for what I want from you? That's just it Em…I don't want anything from you…I just want you." I calmly reply.

I watch as Emily slowly shakes her head 'no' and closes her eyes. She's trying to shut me out again. I have to try something different.

"Look Em…I know you've remembered something…maybe everything…about what happened to you that put you here. I just want to help you through that…so we can move forward with our lives…together. It doesn't change how I feel about you…about us. I would hope it would be the same thing if the situation were reversed and I was the one that was hurt and needed a little help…I would hope you wouldn't turn your back on me and walk away…or look at me differently just because I was injured and needed a little time to recover." I quietly reply.

I watch as Emily replies…but doesn't look at me when she does "It's not the sa...same thing…and y…you kn…know it."

"Why not? I quickly reply.

"Be…cause…my whole life…my pa…st…was a lie. You de...deserve be...better." Emily whispers.

"You had your reasons to keep your past a secret. I understand that. Do I wish you would've told me about your kids sooner…of course. But not for the reasons you might think. I wish I would've known about them sooner so I could've helped you…and protected you and them instead of you trying to do it on your own. I could spent time with all of you…together…maybe gotten to know them a little bit sooner. But I understand why you felt like you needed to keep them a secret. You were trying to protect them. I can't fault you for that." I explain.

I watch as Emily starts to argue with me about what I just said…but I interrupt her…"As for me deserving better…that's not true. What I deserve…what we both deserve…is to be happy…together. I just need you to trust me…to trust that I am not going anywhere, and that I love you just as much now, as I did before all of this happened. And I will continue to love you just as much…if not more so…every day of my life. You are the only person I want or need in my life…the only person that has ever made me feel safe or loved…and I will not give up on that now…and I won't let you give up on that up either."

I can tell Emily is struggling with some inner turmoil. At least part of that turmoil is her mind struggling to decide whether to trust me and whether or not she should believe what I'm telling her or not. I can tell she's having trouble deciding whether or not I'm telling her the truth about whether I'm really here to stay and not going to leave her.

But without looking into my eyes and seeing it for herself...just listening to the words instead…she'll have a hard time believing it. Right now…she's imagining it in her mind…not seeing it with her eyes. I need to get her attention back on me for at least a little bit.

"Em, sweetheart…please look at me."

No response other than the clear turmoil going on in her mind…apparent in her nearly black eyes.

Maybe something more drastic is required here.

"Baby? Do I need to move your IV stand over here and use it as a stripper pole…maybe do a slow striptease with it…just to get your attention…or will you just look at me for a minute?" I smirk…knowing that should get her attention…which it does.

She quickly whips her head around and stares at me…as if I've lost my mind. I may have momentarily…but her reaction was well worth it. I've finally gotten her attention on me instead of the turmoil raging in her mind.

"Okay…that's better. Just look at me…look in my eyes. You know me…and you know when I'm telling you the truth…just by looking in my eyes. So please believe me when I tell you I'm not leaving you and nothing has changed. Period. I will NOT walk away from you…ever. I'm not going to leave you or turn my back on you because of your past…because of your kids…because of some secrets you thought were so shocking I wouldn't or couldn't see past them. None of that matters. The only thing that matters to me is that you recover from what happened to you and that we move forward with our lives…together. This is just a setback in what we were planning before all of this happened…that's all."

"How can you s…say…th...that?"

"Easy…because it's the truth. That's not to say we won't have some issues to work through…and some logistical things to deal with…but those are things we can deal with later on. Right now…my focus is on your recovery. Everything else can wait for now. Just don't shut me out…please. I need to be able to help you through this…all of it. And telling me your fine…when we both know you aren't won't work. I understand that you don't want to worry your kids. That's fine. But please don't keep things from me." I implore her…looking directly into her eyes…but get no response so I continue.

"Let Dr. Hayes know it's okay to share your medical information with me…so I can help you. I know you are used to dealing with everything on your own. But please…for once…let someone else help you…let me help you. I need to do this…for you and for me. And no…before you jump to the wrong idea…like I said earlier…it isn't out of pity or guilt…it's out of love for you…nothing more…nothing less. You'd want to do the same thing for me and you know it."

I watch as Emily still seems to be struggling with some inner demons…inner turmoil over what I told her…before finally replying in a near inaudible whisper "how c…could y…you poss…ibly l…love me? Es…special…ly now?"

I lean over as close as possible to Emily…and maintain the eye contact that I had refused to lose from earlier…and quietly reply "how could I not?" Before leaning in even more and gently placing a gentle kiss on Emily's lips.

I feel Emily hesitate briefly before finally relenting and kissing me back softly.

I remain close to her and watch in amazement as some of the emotional walls she had built up start to fall away. Not all of them…but at least some of them do.

She quietly asks "Do you r…reall…ly mean it? You're ok w…with wh…what you f…found out?"

"Yes, sweetheart. Was I surprised, yes. But I understand why you kept all of it a secret too. I don't blame you for wanting to keep your kids safe. And it explains why you were always so good on the cases we had with kids…so protective of them. Chance and Summer are great…Declan…or I guess Matthew was great…and I imagine that Kasey and Logan are too. I honestly can't wait to meet them."

"R…eall…ly? You'd w…want to meet th…them?" Emily quietly asks…surprise filling her voice.

"Of course…and I know that Henry already adores you…so he'll definitely be excited to meet them too." I offer Emily a genuine smile.

I need Emily to realize that I want all of us to be a family…a real family…all together.

"Y…you wa…want Hen…ry to meet th…them?" Emily asks…confusion apparent in her voice.

"Absolutely. I already told you…I'm not going anywhere. I never want to be away from you…not ever again. And since your kids are a part of your life…and Henry is a part of mine…they'll need to meet each other sooner or later" I calmly reply.

I notice Emily start to say something, but then a coughing spell hits. I quickly jump up and start rubbing her back in slow circles as she eventually catches her breath again…but I realize that we were probably overdoing it during our conversation.

I hold the cup of water up for her since her hands are still shaky and she slowly sips from the cup.

"Sorry…we probably talked a little too much." I state…looking at Emily as I notice her breathing finally slowing back towards a normal rate.

She just nods as she looks back at me. I notice her emotional walls are still there…but not as high or strong as they were when I first came in.

I hear a soft knock on the door as the door slowly opens. Dr. Hayes and a nurse I hadn't met before slowly walk in. "Is everything okay? We noticed Emily's monitor for her oxygen level drop and were concerned. It seems to have leveled back off, but since we were coming down to check on her anyways, we wanted to make sure everything was okay." Dr. Hayes asks…slight concern in her voice.

"She had a coughing spell a little bit ago, but I think everything is okay now." I explain.

I watch as Dr. Hayes comes over and checks the monitors and then asks Emily if she's feeling okay.

Emily nods in response.

"Emily…JJ…this is Chloe…she'll be the primary nurse in charge of your care." Dr. Hayes looks at Emily as she introduces the nurse to Emily and I.

She continues on still looking at Emily and says "she'll be able to answer any questions you have and help you out whenever I'm not available. She's also going to oversee the rest of the nursing staff for your care. So if you have any issues at all with anything…or anyone…you can see one of us and we will address it immediately."

"Nice to meet you Emily…" Chloe states…and then looks to me with a nod "JJ" and I smile in response.

She seems nice. Hopefully she is more helpful than the previous nurse that Chance threw out earlier.

"I need to go over a few things with you and we need to change some of your bandages as well." Dr. Hayes says to Emily…before looking in my direction.

I look to Emily in the hopes that she'll tell Dr. Hayes that she's changed her mind…and when she doesn't say anything…I ask Emily "were you going to let Dr. Hayes know it's okay to talk in front of me…that she could update me on your medical tests and what's really going on?"

I watch as Emily seems to be struggling internally again…and then slowly glances down towards the area that is wrapped tightly with bandages…the area that Dr. Hayes previously told me had numerous puncture wounds…before glancing back at me with what looks to be tears starting to form in her eyes and then over at Dr. Hayes and Chloe.

She closes her eyes tightly before opening them again…and I'm shocked to see some of the emotional walls that had just come down a few moments earlier back up again.

I watch as she shakes her head 'no' before responding "not r…right n…now. May…be tom…morr…ow."

"Em…sweetheart. Please don't shut me out. I just want to help you. I can't do that if I don't know what's really going on." I implore her again.

"I need t…to t…talk to th…them al…one fir…rst." She quietly replies.

"How long will you be?" I sadly ask Dr. Hayes…knowing that arguing with Emily now won't do any good.

"I need to check her meds and do a few minor tests…and we need to change some of her bandages and clean some of the wounds…but we shouldn't be too long. I assume you won't be too far away." Dr. Hayes quietly replies.

"Either in the hall or in the room where our team is set up." I answer.

"We'll let you know as soon as we're done here."

"Please tell them it's okay to talk to me after they're done here tonight. I love you sweetheart…and nothing's going to change that…ever." I quietly say to Emily before leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Emily's lips…feeling her momentarily stiffen before relaxing slightly and returning the kiss just briefly.

I start to walk out the door, and turn briefly, watching as Emily just stares straight ahead.

I know she's remembered what happened to her that caused her to end up here…and she's trying desperately to block all of that out.

I'm sure she's worried about what damage was done to her by Lucas and what the bandages might be hiding.

Based on the look in her eyes…she was even more terrified about my reaction to it than her own…though she shouldn't be. I just want to help her…but she's probably scared that if I see her injuries…or think they're too serious…I'll turn my back on her.

I would never do that…ever. I just need to figure out a way to prove that to her before she gives up on me…on herself…or on our future together.

She's injured right now…and I realize that. But I don't care about her damn injuries or what they may look like…I care about her. I don't care how long her recovery takes…I'm not going anywhere. I just need to find a way to show her that and convince her to let Dr. Hayes tell me the truth.

Although at this point…that may be easier said than done.